Military Life News

Military Life News, Commissary Rewards and Military Discounts

I Give Up on a DIY Military Ball Look

By

My hair was an absolute rat’s nest. I’d tried and failed, at no less than five different hairstyles. My locks had been straightened, curled and twisted to the breaking point.

It was also about 10 minutes before I needed to walk out the door for a military birthday ball.

I Give Up on a DIY Military Ball Look

From curly, poofy styles to sleek chignons, I’ve rocked a wide variety of hairdos over the years. My makeup has always been on-point. Across continents, climates and through late-stage pregnancies, I have successfully DIYed my military ball glamour. This year, I give up.

That’s how my friend found me. Standing in my Spanx and strapless bra, hair fried to a crisp, no makeup and a curling iron in each hand, I had tears running down my face. I also needed to breastfeed the baby.

You could say I was in a bit of a crisis.

Why I Have to Give Up on a DIY Military Ball Look

For the last decade, I’ve been a DIY military ball queen. I don’t make my own dress. That’s a bridge too far even for me. But I certainly do my own hair and makeup.

It’s been a smashing success, filled with lots of bobby pins and hairspray.

From curly, poofy styles to sleek chignons, I’ve rocked a wide variety of hairdos over the years. My makeup, while minimalist, has always been on-point, too. Across continents, climates and through late-stage pregnancies, I have successfully DIYed my military ball glamour.

This year, I give up.

I am finding other ways to look my best on military ball night.

It is not worth the amount of stress that I put myself through. Even the years that have turned out well were stressful. There is always the moment of panic. Suddenly, I’ll look in the mirror and realize that the ‘do I was trying for is miserably failing.

Or I notice, on my way out the door, that my eyeliner is really noticeably crooked.

Who could forget the year that I thought I left the curling iron on? I blame pregnancy brain for that one though.

Getting ready on the day of the military ball was much simpler before children were involved.

I could leisurely shower and shave in the hours before go-time. Lotion? Sure! It’ll have time to dry while I browse my shoe collection. Hair could be done again and again, maybe even totally shampooed for a freshly washed look.

With kids? I’m lucky to grab a 10-minute shower. Then, I’m feeding the baby some yogurt while answering the preschooler’s never-ending questions about life and attempting to apply foundation.

Oh, in the middle of all of that, I’ve also hunted down my husband’s extra stiff neck collar thingy and his cufflinks. They were exactly where he left them after the last military ball.

There simply isn’t the time for me to do my own hair or makeup in a way that approaches presentable. If I attempted it this year, I might wind up with the 4-year-old special: a bunch of pigtails, some random bows and lots of blue eyeshadow.

I’m dropping cash on one fancy night out.

In my world, this is the major date night event. We’ve got the sitter, glamorous outfits and we just might splurge on a taxi. This year might be crazy – we’ll get a hotel room for a truly immersive ball experience.

All of that costs cash.

It’s also only one night a year and I’m going to live it up. For my family, adding the cost of professional hair or makeup is not a budget buster. The cost of dry cleaning his dress blues to destroy lingering cigar odors will be pricey than my trip to the hair stylist.

While the military birthday ball is totally his night, it’s also my night on the town too. I want to look and feel good. I don’t want to find dried baby food in my hair.

Being able to spend some time getting my hair done also means that we won’t be rushing out of the house at the last minute. I won’t be hastily trying to shove my hair into a giant sock bun with 30 seconds to go. No more lipstick applications in the car either.

Maybe this year, I’ll be able to eat a little something before we go. Perhaps I’ll remember to sneak a few packs of fruit snacks into my clutch too. Those guest speaker comments can be rather long-winded and I’m used to eating at 5:30 pm.

Saving the money by doing my own hair and makeup isn’t worth the stress and aggravation anymore. Maybe it would be a different story if my hair was easy to work with or I was less picky. But it’s not and I’m not.

I refuse to be crying in my Spanx 5 minutes before we need to leave for the military birthday ball again.

After she finished laughing, my friend revealed that she was also not ready to go. We managed to pull our hair back into big buns and slapped on some mascara. Luckily, my tears had only managed to give me a dewy fresh glow and not puffy red eyes.

Once we slid into the car, we both solemnly swore that 2017 was the very last time that we would ever attempt to DIY hair and makeup for the ball.

From now on, at least one thing is going to be handled by a professional.

Really, it’s for our mental health. And so that our husbands will stop their anxious pacing and watch checking.

Do you get your hair done professionally or do you DIY before a military ball?

Can We Stop with the Ball Gown Shaming Already?

By

Now look, I consider myself a pretty classy lady. I mostly prefer to dress teacher-chic, with twin sets, khakis and pearls. I’ve never in my life wondered whether I was wearing the correct outfit for an event.

Until I was dragged kicking and screaming into the cutthroat world of military ball gown shaming.

Can We Stop with the Ball Gown Shaming Already?

Can We Stop with the Ball Gown Shaming Already?

I’ve seen military spouses post pictures of their potential dresses on Facebook, only to have their selections obliterated with nasty comments.

Every year around this time, I start to see the social media posts about ball gowns. Many of them are pretty tame. In fact, one of my favorite threads recently has been a snarky post encouraging people to share the most out of control formal wear available on Amazon.

Inevitably, a bright-eyed, new military wife (yes, wife, because women are the only ones subjected to ball gown shaming) asks about what she should wear to a military birthday ball.

Then the floodgates open and the tsunami of ball gown opinions are unleashed.

“You should only ever wear a complimentary color to your spouse’s uniform.”

“Your gown must be floor length.”

“Watch those slits and low backs, ladies.”

I get it. You’re all trying to be helpful, passing on your experience. And a lot of these comments can help the new girl on the block find a dress.

Somewhere along the way, it seems like these conversations, real or virtual, take a turn to Judgement Town.

Who gave you permission to judge a person by what she wears?

I mean seriously, I’d like to know. Is there a certification process? Did the commandant personally appoint you as Marine Corps Ball Dress Code Monitor? Because I’d like to see your official badge.

I’ve seen military spouses post pictures of their potential dresses on Facebook, only to have their selections obliterated with nasty comments.

There are several different versions of the “classy, not trashy” ball gown post floating around. It usually has this type of headline “5 easy tips to not embarrass your service member at their ball!”

I get that a military ball is meant to be a super formal, very fancy event.

But can we stop for a moment and consider that most women are really dressing for two reasons? First, they want to look nice in a way that they feel good about. Second, they want to be even just slightly comfortable.

Not everyone sees beauty or fashion in the same way. If everyone saw things my way, high-waisted pants would never have made a comeback. We’d all be wearing super basic and comfortable pieces in easy to mix-and-match colors.

One woman might feel really beautiful and glamorous in a floor-length gown with cap sleeves. Another lady might feel equally beautiful in a bodycon dress that hits just below her knees.

It’s not your call to dictate how another woman feels beautiful.

I prefer an old school gown with a looser skirt and a strapless top in a shade of blue. Witness my closet full of blue gowns from the last decade of balls. I just feel better with a loose skirt, and it leaves more room for cake. I also like a dress with pockets for my mid-guest speaker snacks. Someone else might prefer to have full coverage up top, a tighter bodice or maybe a two-piece ensemble.

It’s not my call to tell someone else the best way for them to feel comfortable in their own skin.

“It’s not about you, it’s about the service member.”

You’re right, it is. Which is why I always run my possible dresses by my husband first. Guess what?

He doesn’t care.

I could show him a burlap sack and he’d be cool with it.

OK, he’d probably notice the scratchiness.

But you get my point.

If their service member doesn’t care what ball gown they wear, why should you?

Just to reiterate: this is not your ball, military spouse. You’ve said it yourself in more than one article by more than one writer. It’s been mentioned on more than one Facebook post over the years and across the services.

This year, can we stop shaming other ladies for their personal style choices?

There is no official Dress Code Inspector for military balls. It’s not a thing.

Instead of passing judgment over the length of her dress or a slit or a low back, let’s be grown-ups. Remember that she was just as careful in her dress selection as you were in yours. She fussed over her hair and shoes and makeup, just like you.

This year, at your military ball, give a genuine compliment to another lady. Let her know that her dress’s color highlights her eyes or tell her that you like the way it sparkles. Maybe see if she’s packing snacks in her dress pockets too.

What do you think of ball gown shaming? Why do you think military spouses do it?

How I Find the Fun in Mandatory Fun

By

There are so many wonderful aspects of military life, but for some mandatory fun is not one of them.

Mandatory fun or required attendance at military social events is not always fun.

Some events are a bit stuffy and too formal. Some are too crowded and impersonal. Others are family oriented or for adults only. They don’t always fit in with your schedule and logistics can be difficult. Still, you are required to attend and so you do.

These mandatory fun events can actually be fun.

It’s all in how you perceive it. If you go in with the mindset that you won’t enjoy it, then you likely won’t have a good time.

Next time you have mandatory fun scheduled, try to have fun. Look for the positive in what otherwise could be a time where you are negative.

Formal military events, for example, are not my favorite.

A military ball is definitely mandatory fun in my book. I don’t like all the preparation it takes. Service members have it so easy; all they have to do is put on their uniform.

I, on the other hand, have to go dress shopping because of course you can’t wear the same formal gown to multiple events. Then you have to find shoes and a handbag to go with the dress. Shopping takes all day.

Add kids into the mix and you either have to drag them along shopping or get someone to watch them. On the day of the formal event it takes ages to get ready.

How I Find the Fun in Mandatory Fun

Mandatory military social events can be stressful, boring and time consuming. But try to find the positive in every event that you are required to attend with your service member. It may help make mandatory fun more fun for you.

Once at this mandatory fun, you mingle with people you don’t know. You listen to the service members talk about work using all sorts of acronyms. How are there so many acronyms in the military? I have no idea or at least a minimal idea of what they are talking about. It is always shop talk.

Though preparing for this mandatory fun is no fun at all, the events usually are. I get to talk to military spouses that I otherwise might not see. I  meet some people my husband works with and put a face to names I’ve only heard.

If nothing else, there’s usually wine.

Military family events can be time consuming.

You might have had other plans for the weekend but had to cancel them because this was a mandatory fun event. If your children are in sports, scouts or other organized groups, you might be driving between events. It can be a hectic day. Children will likely get overstimulated and over tired. There might be a meltdown or two as well.

Family events are more mandatory fun for my husband then for me though. He doesn’t like giving up his free time to see people that he works with all week long. I understand that.

For me however, this is fun. I don’t get to see those people or their families as much. These types of events can be stressful with logistics and behavior, but they can also be fun. I love to see my babies dressed up with the theme of the event. I like to bake so potluck events are great.

Sure we’ll be very tired at the end of the day, but it’s worth it.

Mandatory fun can be fun if you look at the bright side of it.

Holiday parties are another instance of mandatory fun that really can be fun. The bright side for me is that I get to see the look on my son’s face when he meets Santa or the Easter Bunny.

That’s priceless.

I get overwhelmed when there are a ton of children running around and our son follows in, but these events are few and far between so I can handle it as long as there’s a coffee in my hand.

How do you find the fun in mandatory fun events?

A Military Spouse’s Guide to the Military Ball

By

It’s Navy Ball time. The Marine Corps Birthday Ball is right around the corner.

A Military Spouse's Guide to the Military Ball

Are you nervous about attending a military ball? Here are MilitaryShoppers’ tips on attire, planning and etiquette for military spouses.

A Military Spouse's Guide to the Military Ball

What Should I Wear?

When it comes to dressing for a military ball, you have a lot of options. There is going to be a dress code but after that the choice is up to you. You should keep in mind that you do want to coordinate with your service member as they will be wearing their dress blues.

Before my husband joined the military, I thought my ball gown-wearing days were over. I was excited to be able to go out and shop for one once I heard about going to a military ball. I went shopping with my mom and found a nice black dress at the local mall.

When you go shopping for a dress for the military ball, think about what you might wear to a fancy wedding. Long dresses are better than short ones. A military ball lasts a long time so you need to make sure you are comfortable.

If you don’t have a big budget, shop the sales. You don’t have to spend a lot on a dress if you can find a good deal.

How Do I Plan?

With planning for the ball, you should make sure you have your dress, shoes to match and a purse. You will want something to take with you to carry your cell phone, makeup and ID or wallet.

After your appearance, knowing what to expect can be helpful. You can break down the military ball into different stages. The first part is the cocktail hour. This is when people are arriving and you get to greet other people. You are also able to get drinks. No one has to be seated yet and you can stand around with your spouse and their friends.

After the cocktail period is over you will go through the receiving line before you sit down for dinner. You will also need to get your photos taken. We have usually done this first so we don’t have to worry about them anymore.

When it’s time to sit down for dinner you will notice that you have an assigned seat. You should be sitting with those in your spouse’s company and their dates. There will be spouses, girlfriends and good friends because the service member can invite who they want as their date. At all of the balls we have been to, the food has been a buffet. You stand in line and pick out what you want and then go sit down again.

At some point after you get your food, the program will start. This will included a few speeches, some toasts, a prayer, etc. You will get a schedule and be able to follow along.

After the program, they will open up the dance floor and you will be free to dance, get more food, get more drinks or just socialize until you want to go home.

What etiquette do I need to follow?

Remember that the military is filled with traditions. The military ball is one of them and certain etiquette needs to be followed. Some of what you need to do is common sense but some traditions you might not be used to.

You need to make sure that your dress does not show too much skin and that the dress is modest. In some cases you will not be allowed to wear a strapless dress unless you keep a wrap on at all times. You should get information from your command about what to expect at your particular military ball.

During the formal part of the military ball you need to be respectful and pay attention to what is going on. You don’t want to be talking when you shouldn’t be and you don’t want to be playing with your phone. There will be toasts and you need to be paying attention to those.

When you are going through the receiving line, make sure you follow your service member, smile and be professional. It might feel really intimidating when going through the line but the line is also a good way to meet the commanders and their spouses.

As long as you are respectful, dress appropriately and do what you should be doing at the right time, the military ball will go well for you and you should have a good time.

I personally have always loved the food, spending time with my husband and getting to see a part of the military I don’t normally get to see.

What advice and tips would you add to this list for military spouses attending  a military ball?