Military Life News

Military Life News, Commissary Rewards and Military Discounts

Deployed Spouse Causes Distraction, Worry

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Untitled-2Dear MilitaryShoppers,

My husband is currently deployed. I feel lucky to have a job that keeps me busy, but honestly I‘m distracted at work. I am constantly checking my phone to see if my husband called and I’m not sleeping well at night. I feel like I might quit my job. What should I do?

Signed,

Distracted Milso in Virginia Beach

 

Dear Distracted Milso,

I can totally understand always wanting to check your phone to see if you missed a call. I also know how hard it can be to not be able to sleep at night.

One thing that might help is writing your husband letters as well as writing in a journal every night. By writing him letters you will feel like he is more connected to you and you can write them at anytime. You don’t have to wait for him to be online or call you. By writing in a journal each night you will be able to fall asleep a little easier. If you can get all your worry out on paper, it will make you feel a little better and more likely to sleep.

How to Keep Busy When Your Husband is Deployed

Try to keep your phone in a drawer while you are at work.

As for if you should quit your job or not, I think it depends. What would you do to fill the time that you would normally be at work? You want to stay as busy as possible so if you know you would be bored without a job, it is not a good idea to quit. You might want to make a list of pros and cons about your job to see what would be the best decisions for you.

If you feel comfortable enough you could talk to your boss about what is going on and see if he or she has any suggestions to help make work a little easier for you. You could also try to keep your phone in a drawer or out of sight while you are at work.

Good luck to you. Remember that as hard as deployments are, they don’t last forever. It is just about figuring out the best way to make it through them.

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Accepting PTSD as Normal, Not the Exception

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The 4 letters that could destroy your career: PTSD.

One of the biggest misconceptions in the military right now is that seeking help for PTSD will ruin your career.

Only, it won’t.

I can understand why this misconception is believed. Our service members are trained to be tough and strong to go to war and while not expressly stated, it’s insinuated that seeking help for any kind of distress (mental or physical) is seen as “weak” and “broken.”

That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Seeking help takes an incredible amount of strength and courage.

Here is the saddest part. Studies have shown that our service members WANT help. Researchers asked 2,500 soldiers in Georgia to fill out the standard Post-Deployment Health Assessment twice– once on record and a second time anonymously. Over 68% took part in both surveys and the results nearly doubled for any questions about PTSD and treatment. How insane is that?

Soldiers are tailoring their answers to the questions about their health based on what they think their supervisors want to see.

But at what cost? A rise in suicide attempts, domestic violence and divorce.

No matter what your relationship is to the military– a spouse, active-duty service member, veteran, parent, family member or friend– each one of us has been touched in some way by the effects of PTSD and non-treatment.

And when something horrible happens, we wonder what we could have done, how we could have prevented it and how sad it is that they couldn’t get help.

It’s a vicious cycle that needs to end. There should be no reason why our service members continue to suffer in silence.

Because when you think about it, they aren’t suffering alone. Their families are suffering too. One study showed a tie between PTSD and a higher rate of domestic violence.

While that isn’t a very big surprise, imagine the family whose service member returns home and begins verbal or physical abuse that wasn’t there before. While the spouse may suspect PTSD, any urging to get treatment is met with more violence because who are they to question the person who just lived through hell?

PTSD and combat stress affect nearly all of our military members.

PTSD and combat stress affect all of our military members and families.

It’s a no-win for everyone.

What’s the solution?

Stop glorifying war and start treating war as the traumatic situation that it is. Because until we begin to expect PTSD to be the norm, instead of the exception, we will continue to miss a diagnosis.

That is unacceptable.

 

Your Turn: What barriers exist for PTSD treatment for today’s active duty?

No Crying at the Commissary

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3 Tips to Entertaining Your Child While Shopping at the Commissary

Never take your child to the commissary right before naptime.

Grocery shopping with your children can be a real challenge. As a military family, many times I have had to head to the commissary to buy groceries with my children in tow. When your spouse is away for a deployment or training, you really have no other choice.

Here are 3 ideas on how to entertain your kids at your military commissary.

Old Fashioned Entertainment: Toys

Bring small toys that your children can play with while sitting in the cart. Make it something that they enjoy and that will keep them entertained. Cars, Legos and dolls work well for this. It might be a good idea to keep a bag of toys in the car just for this purpose.

Helper Entertainment: Give Them a Shopping List

When my oldest was a lot younger and I took him to the store with me, I would give him a “list” and told him to help me get everything on it. This kept him busy and gave him something to do. It can be a great way for your kids to feel like they are really helping you, even when they are too young to do so.

Edible Entertainment: Pack Snacks

Bringing a snack can go a long way when shopping with a child. If they are in the commissary and see food all around them, they are probably going to want to eat too. Bring a little sack of something they enjoy and give it to them when you start shopping. You might want to bring extra in case the shopping trip goes a little long or you get stuck in a line that takes forever. Don’t forget to pack a snack for yourself to curb any impulsive purchases.

You can also make sure to time your shopping trips so that your kids are rested and are less likely to act cranky or upset. Going right before nap time is not the best idea. I know for myself that sometimes you just have to go when you have to go and you just have to work around it. Try to prepare as much as possible and do what you can to keep your kids occupied while you make your shopping trip.

3 Tips to Entertaining Your Child at the Commissary

Pack a snack when shopping at the commissary

Remember too that having to entertain your children at the grocery store is not going to be something you have to do forever. Your spouse will come home and you can run out and do the grocery shopping without the children. Your kids will get older and be able to really help you with your shopping which will be a wonderful thing.

What are your strategies for entertaining your children at the commissary?

Lonely? Find Friendships at Every Duty Station

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Tips for Military Spouses to Make Friends at a New Duty Station

Let your children take the lead when it comes to finding new friends.

With military life comes a lot of moving. That means saying goodbye to friends and making new ones. This is a hard part of the military lifestyle. Finding new friends when you are the new one in town can be quite difficult.

If you have just moved into your new neighborhood, you might get lucky and have new neighbors come to your house and say hello. New neighbors can make the best friends. It is great when you are able to meet and click with them right away. But what happens if …

No one comes to your house to say hello?

Every one in your circle of friends, except you, gets orders to new duty station?

You are feeling lonely in your new home?

I have met friends at all types of places. From swim lessons for my kids to Bible studies. Sometimes it is just a matter of being brave and reaching out. Other times it is just a matter of being in the right place at the right time.

Here are the top 4 places to find friendships at your new duty station.

Local Playground

If you have kids, take them to the park. You will most likely run into other parents and children who live near there. Be brave and strike up a conversation. If your kids hit it off, make plans to get together again. If you don’t meet anyone new at the park, at least your kids had a good time.

Facebook Group

Another option is to join a local Facebook group and go to one of the events. It might feel weird to go some place new when you don’t know anyone but it will be worth it.

Simply Say Hi: Tips for MilSpouses to Find Friendships in New Neighborhoods

Feeling lonely? Be brave and leave your house to meet new friends.

 

Your Neighborhood

If you are feeling brave, you can always go up to your new neighbors and say hello. One idea is to ask them a question about your new city. Something like, “Can you tell me the best place to get Chinese food?” can be a way to break the ice and strike up a conversation.

Sometimes it is just a matter of being brave. Other times it is just a matter of being in the right place at the right time.

Photography Class, Bunco or CrossFit

When you are new to a duty station, the best way to find friends is to do is find events or classes that look fun and go to them. You are bound to make friends if you do that.

Where do you find friends when you are the new one in town?

PCS-Purge: The Dreaded Pantry

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Tips for Purging Your Pantry Prior to a PCS

PCS season means purging. Time to look at what’s been accumulating in your pantry for the last 3 to 4 years.

One of the many things I dread about moving is the purge. Going through everything and trying to get rid of as much as possible. It’s something that you have to start immediately, otherwise it never gets done. But the one area of the house that doesn’t give me anxiety is the kitchen, specifically

the pantry.

Going through the pantry is actually fun. I see it as a challenge to use up as much as I can before moving. This last move, instead of Googling “What to make with Ramen and Kool-Aid*,” I used 3 websites to find creative ways to use the food and pantry items I’d collected in the last 3 years.

Recipe Matcher has an extensive checklist of pantry and kitchen items and is super easy to use. It takes a little bit of time to add everything in your pantry to the list, but once it’s there, it’s quick to find you a way to use as many items as possible.

Recipe Key allows you to drag and drop items in your pantry and get recipes that use those items. You can even filter recipes by allergies or dietary restrictions.

Tips for Purging Your Pantry Prior to a PCS

Use websites to find recipes for the odd items in your pantry.

Supercook is yet another site that finds recipes based on what’s in your kitchen. Supercook is very visual and has photos illustrating the recipe suggestions.

If you can’t use it, give it away.

Find a local food pantry to donate any unopened food or cleaning supplies. Try Feeding America, Foodpantries or Ample Harvest if you don’t know where a food bank is near you. Food banks are willing to take a lot of items, but they can’t accept any packages that have been opened (even if it was only once) or any packaged food with passed expiration dates.

Should I toss it? No, call your neighbor first.

We’ve all been on the receiving end of a PCS pare down a time or two and know there are just some things you can’t give away to a pantry or shelter. Things like half a bag of sugar or the opened bottle of Dawn dish soap.

Tips for a PCS-Purge of Your Pantry

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve been gifted during a PCS-purge?

Ask around. Neighbors and friends are often willing to take items off your hands if you have excess. If they can’t use it, they often know someone else who can and will use it.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve been given during a PCS-purge?

*OK, it wasn’t that bad, but there were some very strange combinations.

Decoding the Military Commissary Dress Code

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“You can’t wear that.”dress-code-irwin

“What do you mean I can’t wear this?” I told my husband. We were recently married and living in Yuma, Arizona. It was a Sunday afternoon nearly 10 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday. It was my first experience with the dress code that exists for service members, dependents and their guests at military installations.

I was wearing a tank top, shorts and sandals. Apparently I wasn’t dressed appropriately for our planned trip to Marine Corps Air Station Yuma’s commissary. My husband looked me up and down and told me I was wearing “workout gear” and “shower shoes.”

“Shower shoes,” I scoffed.

Clearly I was not wearing shower shoes and I was wearing a tank top because it was more than 90 degrees outside. But being a new military spouse, I changed before heading to the base. Once we walked through the sliding glass doors at the military commissary, my husband pointed to the dress code policy sign. One question popped into my head.

Does this dress code apply to military spouses?

The short answer is yes. The dress code applies to military spouses and anyone else with base access, including dependents, retirees, civilian employees, contractors and civilian guests.

Is the dress code enforced? What’s the penalty for breaking the dress code?

Here’s where it gets complicated. At every U.S. military installation around the world, there is a dress code for the commissary, exchange and gas station. The dress code is an order that is normally posted near the front doors of these base businesses. The poster explains that civilian clothing must fit properly (not too tight, not too loose) and that patrons are prohibited from wearing pajamas, athletic shorts, swimsuits and spandex-type gym attire.

Your Military Dress Code Decoded

The dress code at the commissary applies to service members, their dependents and guests.

If you break the dress code,  a service member who is tasked with “policing their own,” will point out that you are inappropriately dressed and deny you access to that facility. This happened to a Navy spouse after a Marine said her 7-year-old son was wearing workout gear to the commissary in Kaneohe Bay. They were refused admission. After her son changed his shorts, the two returned to the commissary to buy their milk.

One important piece to decoding the dress code: The dress code isn’t the commissary’s policy.

It’s the installation commanders who order and choose to enforce or not enforce the dress code. That’s why a service member, not a commissary manager, is the person publicly pointing out your noncompliant attire. It’s the reason why dress code enforcement is inconsistent among military installation and even among different military branches. It’s also the reason I dress up to pump gas at a Marine Corps gas station, but never sweat my wardrobe at an Air Force commissary.

Are the military dress codes for shopping at the commissary outdated?

3 Steps to Battle Social Anxiety

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3 Steps for Military Spouses to Battle Social Anxiety

Summer parties shouldn’t make you anxious.

The summer months for military families means PCSing, farewell parties, barbecues, beach gatherings, pool parties, family vacations and meeting new neighbors. In short, it’s a busy, busy time of the year.

For me, summer often brings a bit of social anxiety– so many events and parties, so little time. As an introvert, it’s draining to spend a lot of time with other people and an extremely packed schedule makes me anxious.

Sometimes the anxiety comes from the idea of meeting new people or putting on “airs”, pretending to be happy when I don’t feel happy. Sometimes it’s the idea of having so much scheduled that I don’t have time for myself.

Here are 3 steps that helped me overcome the uneasiness of a full social calendar.

  1. Know that it’s OK to say “no”. You can politely decline an invitation. If it’s someone you know well, be honest and tell them you have too much going on (or that you’re not comfortable with a crowd). Offer to get together with them at another date without other people around.
  2. Know that you don’t have to stay the entire time. Give yourself a time limit of an hour or two. This worked well for me during the past Memorial Day weekend. My guy and I went to each party for an hour or two and then headed home to get back to our own work. We attended a different party each day. The events were a welcomed distraction from a mountain of schoolwork and our friends and family were happy to see us.
  3. Reward yourself with alone time. If you must attend a lot of events or have a busy schedule, plan downtime afterward. Plan a day to read a book or watch a movie. Do something that builds you up and renews you.

Introverts sometimes feel like we’re missing out on life when we don’t attend events. But remember that you need to take care of YOU. If that means taking time to recharge, do it. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of you. On the flip side, definitely enjoy the summer social events. You’ll be glad you did.

How do you handle the uneasiness of a full social calendar?

My Challenge for Cheap, Tasty Meals

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What's on sale at the military commissary during June.

Only buy ice cream when it’s on sale at the commissary.

I love a challenge. If I don’t have a challenge, I create one. I am the mother who sets a timer and measures how quickly she puts away the laundry. My current personal record is 17.5 minutes for 5 loads of folded clothes.

In the challenge of meal planning, I force myself to create a week’s worth of meals based on the random items in my pantry, refrigerator or freezer. It’s a challenge when you have half a box of spaghetti, a jar of raspberry jam and a bag of frozen cauliflower. In that case, I make a shopping list and challenge myself to make meals based on the military commissary specials.  I aim for meals that are cheap, yet tasty for my family of four.

Eating cheap isn’t a challenge.

Everyone knows that surviving on beans and rice is cheap. Eliminate meat and dairy from your grocery list and you will instantly save money. I add the requirement of tasty to my affordable grocery shopping challenge.

When browsing this month’s commissary specials, I did a happy dance because Pillsbury crescent dinner rolls are listed. That sale price combined with the coupon on my Commissary Rewards Card means my family will be enjoying cheap baked goods delivered to the dinner table in a variety of tasty ways in June.

Right now, I’m planning a Pillsbury day where we have Breakfast Sausage Bake for breakfast, Grand Bisquit Dogs for lunch and Pillsbury Crescent Veggie Pizza for dinner. When I need to bring a snack to my church group, I simply roll a batch of Buffalo Chicken Dip Crescent Roll Ups. Pillsbury Baked Goods is the answer to my challenge for cheap and tasty meals.

What’s your favorite cheap, yet tasty meal? Share the recipe with MilitaryShoppers readers.

My family is also cheering about the ice cream sale this month. My family’s favorite dessert is a bowl of ice cream and if I don’t limit it, our entire food budget is licked away during the summer months. I am a fan of Dreyer’s Slow Churned Caramel Delight. My daughters are obsessed with strawberry.

There is one commissary special that I can’t stop bragging about: Simply Lemonade on sale for $1.69. Simply Lemonade is a treat at our house because I only buy it when it is on sale for less than $2. With this deal in June, I will stock my extra refrigerator with Simply Lemonade and Limeade. The lemonade is a refreshing alternative to water and the limeade compliments a plate of fish tacos. Hello summer.

What's on sale at the commissary this month?

Go ahead and sip lemonade purchased from your military commissary this month.

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Spend Less by Sticking to Your Grocery List

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When you are on a budget, it’s essential to stay on task at the commissary. Whether it’s due to the kids, your cravings or that great sale on imported chocolate, we tend to buy impulsively.  What can we do to alleviate this? Besides putting literal blinders on, there are a few tips that we can use to help us stick to the grocery list. Budgeting for groceries doesn’t have to be difficult, as long as you have a plan.

How to Spend Less at Your Military Commissary

Money-saving military spouses shop only the perimeter of their military commissary.

Learn the layout of your grocery store or military commissary.

This is one of the easiest ways to bypass grocery budget pitfalls. Money-saving moms shop the perimeter of a store. This is where you’ll find the items most needed  in any home: produce, protein, dairy and discounted baked goods. Once you learn the layout of your store, you can create your grocery list to reflect it. If produce is the very first thing you see when entering the store, be sure to add the fruits and vegetables that are on sale to the top of your grocery list. Figure out which middle aisles are the ones that you visit once a week or twice a month. Be sure to only visit those aisles instead of perusing ones that you wouldn’t or shouldn’t visit (candy aisle, anyone?).

Bring your own snacks.

I’ve heard time and time again that you should eat before you venture to the grocery store, but most of the time that doesn’t work. Here’s a great tip: keep a granola bar, nut mix, or whatever healthy snack you enjoy in your purse or bag. When you walk in and smell freshly baked cinnamon rolls at your store, you’ll have your own snack ready and will be less likely to spend an extra 6 bucks on a treat you’ll regret later.

How to Spend Less at Your Military Commissary

Create a shopping list that follows the layout of your military commissary.

Utilize your phone.

Our smart phones are our best friends, especially when grocery shopping. Use your phone to make your grocery list. You won’t have to worry about misunderstanding handwriting, even your own. If you’re a visual person, take pictures of the items you need from the store circular and use that as your list.

To keep you from spending hours in the store and getting distracted, set a timer for yourself. Do you allot an hour for shopping but end up spending 2 in the store? Set an alarm on your phone to alert you when your hour is up. Once that alarm goes off, select your last items and hit up the checkout lanes.

What tips do you have for sticking to your grocery list?

 

Is Your Car Road Trip Ready?

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The summer road trip is a classic American vacation for many military families. Before hitting the open road, ask yourself: is my car road trip ready? Not sure. Review this checklist to ensure that your summer road trip will be a safe vacation without any side trips to a unfamiliar auto shop.

Schedule an oil change.

Checklist for Car Maintenance Before a Road Trip

Pack a roll of duct tape in your car emergency kit.

This may seem like the simplest way to ensure a safe road trip, but it is key. There are many different issues that can be aggravated if you don’t provide your vehicle with a change of oil. An engine needs proper lubrication to work well, especially in the summer heat. Secondary to the oil change, a tune-up would be great to add to your list, but first and foremost, give your car that new lubrication it needs.

Tip: If you’re planning on hauling extra weight behind you, like a teardrop trailer for camping, ask the mechanic about using a thicker oil. A car pulling more weight may need an oil that won’t thin out as quickly due to the extra work it will be doing during the road trip.

Create a car emergency kit.

In your trunk, place 2 quarts of the oil used in your oil change, coolant, expendable rags (good for wiping off oil or touching hot engines) and a roll of duct tape. Yes, duct tape is key! If there is a burst in a rubber hose or a spot under the hood where you would like a mechanic to check for a potential issue, duct tape can take care of it. Other tools to include would be a small screwdriver and a wrench. Also include a jug of water in your kit, to cool down your car system in a bind. Don’t forget to have flares and small safety cones in a car emergency kit.

Test your car jack. We always wait until the unfortunate time when we need to use the car jack to actually learn how to use it. A week before your trip, try yours out in the parking lot or driveway. Make sure you know how to use it quickly and easily, and that all of the parts are accessible.

Tip: If you’re not sure how to use your particular car jack, search YouTube for a video tutorial.

Get the radiator checked.

This is another add-on to your oil change but may be even more important. The radiator passes coolant through the engine, so on those hot summer road trip days, it’s much needed. Radiators can get clogged over time and since we don’t think about them until spring and summer when we plan summer vacations, they are neglected the rest of the year. Have your mechanic do a flow test on the car to make sure the right amount of fluids are passing through the hoses and tubes.

How to Get Your Car Road Trip Ready

Don’t forget to ask for a military discount.

Tip: To save money, ask your mechanic to “bundle” your oil change, tune-up and radiator check. See if they offer a military discount on top of the bundle. You could yield some significant savings.

Make a “must-use” mechanics list.

Be proactive and find reputable mechanics within each state that you will be passing through. If you will be staying on or near a main road, like I-95, search for mechanics that are located nearby. If you plan to stick with automotive repair chains, like Pep Boys, map out locations along your road trip journey.

Tip: Look for reviews of mechanics and automotive chains on review sites like Yelp or ask your favorite hometown mechanic for recommendations. You’ll be surprised how many great mechanics they can recommend for each part of your journey.

Tips to get your car road trip ready

Take time for car maintenance prior to hitting the open road.

How many miles will you travel this summer?