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6 Things Civilians Should Know About MilFams

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The military community encompasses a very small percent of the entire United States population. That includes everyone that has ever served and their family members too. As a result, the civilian population might not be as privy to military culture and they may have some misconceptions about military families.

If you happen to be a civilian strolling around this part of the Internet, welcome! I’m glad you came and hope you have a chance to learn a little more about the military community because there are a few misconceptions that I hope to straighten out. I’m hoping I can stomp out any of your misconceptions and shed some light to what the military community really is like.

Here are 6 things that the general population needs to know about military families.

We get along with practically everyone.

I’ve heard around that military members tend to discriminate, but I think it’s a pretty big misconception. The military puts together all kinds of people from all different kinds of backgrounds to be brothers and sisters in arms. Despite the conflicts and challenges that our service members endure, they are very loyal to each other and their community. I believe this loyalty extends to everyone in their communities, military or not.

We aren’t nuts.

Military families tend to be patriotic because of the pride we have for our service members. I consider my husband my hero and I’m sure I speak for thousands of other military spouses when I say that. But, sometimes, our patriotic nature might be taken out of proportion and become another misconception. Just because I’m so proud of all the sacrifices that all our military members endure doesn’t mean I’m pro-war, if you know what I mean!

We don’t always live on base or post.

It is safe to say that a lot of us live inside an installation or in on-base/post housing, due to convenience and sometimes cost of living, but it isn’t for everyone. The misconception is that ALL military families keep to themselves and live away from the civilian population. On the contrary, there are a lot of military families living in civilian neighborhoods with lots of spouses working in civilian communities too.

We value our community on and off base or post.

Another misconception is that we tend to be loyal just to the military installation or military community. It happens that we relate to other military families because of the circumstances that we face, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t appreciate the community around us. I live off-post with my husband and have embraced the town we live in and take part by shopping locally and engaging in the community.

We are SO thankful for everything.

The misconception of military families being rich, needy or demanding is something I see from some mainstream media outlets. There are stories out there that we benefit a great deal financially from the military and other discounts…uh, I don’t even know where to begin with that. First thing, that misconception is the one I hope civilians understand as wrong. Facts and figures have been misconstrued and calculated in unusual ways to make it seem like we are gaining a lot monetarily. We’re not.

I wish I could do more for every business, organization and whoever else that has extended a helping hand to my family. I hope that they know their charity is being appreciated very much!

We are like any other family.

In this last misconception, big or small, military families are exactly the same as civilian families by being completely unique and different from one another, but still in the same boat.

I am truly convinced if you lined all of us up in a room (sans service member because, let’s face it, the haircut might give it away), a layperson would not be able to pick out the military family from the civilian family. With that being said, we all come from the same planet, so please don’t be afraid of us. Military families really want to fit in!

Which misconceptions have you heard about military families? Have you heard  anything that was absolutely false?

Switch to Tricare Standard When You’re Pregnant?

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If you’re a pregnant military spouse who is considering switching from Tricare Prime to Standard, you’re not alone.

Google the words “pregnant and Tricare” and you’ll find numerous community posts similar to this question:

I’m 17 weeks pregnant with Tricare Prime and currently being seen at a Naval Hospital. I haven’t had any appointments since 11 weeks where there did an ultrasound and pap. I don’t have another doctor’s appointment until 22 weeks. I’m worried and feel like I’m not getting the care I need or deserve at the Naval Hospital. I was thinking of switching to Tricare Standard but don’t know how long that process takes if it would even be worth it.

The responses range from “Yes, you should definitely switch. I switched to Standard and I’m so much happier” to “You need to call your PCM and make another appointment. They’ll get you in if you explain your situation.”

I’ve given birth twice using my Tricare Prime health insurance as a military dependent. The first time I received my prenatal care from a PCM (prime care manager) and delivered at an overseas military hospital as a Tricare Prime Overseas patient.

The second time, I received a referral to an obstetrician and delivered in a civilian hospital because we were stationed more than 50 miles (actually it was 52.1) from a military treatment facility. In my case, I was pleased with the medical care in both situations.

Was my prenatal care prefect? Hardly. Was I upset about some medical decisions that were influenced by Tricare coverage policies? Of course.

Insurance isn’t perfect. But it helps pay for your medical care. And having a baby isn’t cheap. In fact, the average American delivery costs $8,000 and considering I paid nothing to have 2 healthy children, in the end, I’m pleased with Tricare.

What about you? Are you a pregnant military spouse with Tricare Prime insurance? Are you frustrated or pleased with your prenatal care? Are you thinking about switching from Tricare Prime to Standard? Are your military spouse friends recommending that you switch to Standard?

Here are 5 things to consider if you’re thinking about switching from Tricare Prime to Standard during your pregnancy.

Here are 5 things to consider if you’re thinking about switching from Tricare Prime to Standard during your pregnancy.

Before switching to Tricare Standard take time to research your options so you fully understand your decision and the outcome of your decision.

Picking Your Doctor Provides Peace of Mind for Many

With Tricare Standard you get to pick your doctor instead of being assigned one. When I was at a military medical treatment facility, it seemed like my doctor was PCSing every 2 months and a new one was assigned to me. For consistency, it would be nice to see the same doctor for your entire pregnancy. With Tricare Standard you don’t need a referral to see a specialist, so you can see an obstetrician during your prenatal care without waiting for referral through Tricare Prime.

Tricare Standard May Mean More Regular Appointments

Many military medical facilities are crowded and busy. There are lots of military spouses and active duty service members having babies which means that the scheduling can get pretty tight. Many people prefer seeing an off-base doctor through Tricare Standard so that they know they will see their doctor every month. At many military medical facilities, pregnant (who aren’t having complications or considered high-risk) military spouses are seeing their doctors every 6 weeks instead of 4 weeks.

Tricare Standard May Lead to Medical Bills

With Tricare Standard, you will have an annual deductible for outpatient services and cost-shares for most services. In general Tricare Standard covers 80 percent of medical costs (you pay the remaining 20 percent) and in many cases, it’s 100 percent if you use an in-network doctor. Review this cost shares chart for more information.

If you have health insurance through your employer, you can use that insurance and Tricare can be your secondary insurance.

If you don’t have a second insurance plan, you may want to purchase one. You can purchase a Tricare Standard supplement insurance through MOAA (Military Officer’s Association of America), Air Force Association, Uniformed Services Benefits Association or Association of the U.S. Army. Before purchasing a policy, Tricare recommends that you consider several aspects of the available coverage. You can compare Tricare supplement companies with this chart.

Tricare Doesn’t Cover Routine Ultrasounds (Standard or Prime)

I noticed many small differences between Tricare prenatal care coverage and other health insurance companies. One of these differences deals with ultrasounds. When I was seeing my Tricare Prime-approved obstetrician, he complained to me at EVERY appointment about Tricare’s ultrasound policy. He wanted to do a 20-week ultrasound because “it’s routine” in his opinion.

Here’s what Tricare’s maternity care fact sheet says:

Some providers offer their patients routine ultrasound screening as part of the scope of care after 16–20 weeks of pregnancy. Tricare does not cover routine ultrasound screening. Only medically necessary maternity ultrasounds are covered by Tricare.

Because I wasn’t a high-risk pregnancy I didn’t get a 20-week ultrasound. Later I was measuring small and then it was medically necessary to have an ultrasound, so I did. I think it was around 30 weeks and it confirmed that my baby was small, but still growing at a healthy rate.

Choose What’s Best for You and Your Baby

You can switch to Tricare Standard at any time. Here is a link with by step-by-step instructions for how to leave Prime and enroll in Standard. You can start using Tricare Standard on the day after your Tricare Prime coverage ends.

But let’s say you want to go back to Tricare Prime? You may not be able to re-enroll in Tricare Prime for up to one year after you disenroll. So consider your options carefully before making the switch.

Every baby is a unique individual and every pregnancy is a unique experience. No two pregnancies are created equal. You may have a smooth sailing 9 months followed by a difficult delivery. Your sister may be the opposite. That’s why in every pregnancy you need to be your own advocate and listen to your body.

Before switching to Tricare Standard take time to research your options so you fully understand your decision and the outcome of your decision.

Now it’s your turn. What’s been your experience with Tricare and its prenatal care?

Parents Should Be Ashamed of Facebook Parenting Shaming

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Recently I have heard about some military spouses posting photos of other people’s children on their base’s military spouse Facebook pages. They are doing this because these children are misbehaving.

The children are doing things such as throwing trash in the park, picking on other kids or doing something else the poster feels isn’t right. I am not saying that what the kids are doing is OK, behaving that way clearly isn’t, but posting what they are doing on Facebook isn’t a good thing to do either.

Posting photos of other people’s kids on Facebook when your intent is to shame them is not OK.

Facebook Parenting Shaming Is Not OK

What are we teaching our kids and teens when we take part in Facebook shaming too?

Doing so is judgmental and you never really know the story behind why a kid is doing what they are doing. The better thing to do would be to notify the kid’s parent and leave things at that.

I know my kids do not behave 100 percent of the time at 100 percent of the places we go. No one has kids that do. I have carried a screaming child out of the PX more times than I would like to admit. Those moments happen.

We as parents do the best we can do to train our children. Sometimes they act out anyway. We can take those experiences to teach our children that we do not act that way.

If my son was throwing trash on the ground, it would be a good chance to teach him about why we don’t do such a thing. His photo does not need to appear on Facebook in order to get that message across to him.

I am glad that there was not Facebook when I was growing up. As an adult I can step away from the drama but our kids are growing up in a time where anything can be captured on camera and shared with others.

What are we teaching our kids and teens when we take part  in Facebook shaming too?

Doing so teaches them that posting like that is OK. Posting those photos is telling them that it is fine to single someone out on a bad day and make that bad day last forever.

We need to step away from posting shameful photos on Facebook. Whether a kid is doing something they shouldn’t or an adult isn’t dressed the way we think they should be, posting about it on Facebook is being a bully. We want to be the people who our kids look up to and learn from. We as adults should know better and do better.

How do you handle kids who aren’t behaving in base housing? Do you talk to them? Do you talk to their parents? Or do you post your complaint about their behavior on a Facebook military spouse page?

Years ago, public shaming might have meant standing on a street corner holding a sign. The kid who stole a candy bar might be made to stand in front of the store. Yes, people saw the child and he learned his lesson, but then the whole thing was over.

His face was not shared all over Facebook. He was not turned into a meme about good parenting. He was not shamed like that for years and years by strangers.

We really need to think about what social media can do to kids. We don’t want to make things worse than they are by taking part in the Facebook shaming.

When we see parenting shaming being done, we need to speak up so that the posting will stop. That makes for a better world both on Facebook and off.

What do you think of parenting shaming on Facebook?

Hot Topic: Should the Military Pay for Tributes at NFL Games?

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The defense budget is getting slimmer. Spending cuts, in some form, are expected to hit the military this year. Congress is looking at retirement reform, cuts to housing allowances and Tricare prescription fee increases. And don’t forget about the sad proposed pay increase of 1.3 percent.

Combine all this doom and gloom funding discussions with this headline,

“The Pentagon paid 14 NFL teams $5.4 million to ‘salute troops’ ”

and many military families, including myself, are left shaking their heads in disbelief.

Should the Military Pay for Tributes at NFL Games?

The NFL was paid to provide salutes to service members. Do you think this type of advertising is effective for recruiting? Or is it a waste of taxpayer money?

The Pentagon reportedly signed contracts with 14 NFL teams stipulating that teams would be paid sums ranging from $60,000 to $1 million each. These 2011-2012 contracts required professional football teams to pause before kick-off and to salute the city’s “hometown heroes.”

What I thought was a kind gesture for our men and women in uniform was basically one giant recruiting poster.

But these patriotic promotions may be prohibited in the future. Arizona Sen. John McCain, along with fellow Arizona Sen. Jeff Flake and Connecticut Sen. Richard Blumenthal presented legislation that would “stop NFL teams from receiving recruiting or advertising money from the Defense Department to honor American soldiers at games.” This amendment also encourages teams “to donate profits from these efforts to charitable organizations that support members of the U.S. military, veterans and their families.”

“Our amendment would put an end to that shameful practice and ask the NFL to return those profits to charities supporting our troops, veterans and their families,” McCain said on the Senate floor.

Related: America’s Support for the Troops is Lip Service

In response, the National Guard and the NFL has defended this relationship. A statement from the NFL said that McCain’s proposed amendment paints a “distorted picture.”

“This amendment paints a completely distorted picture of the relationship between NFL teams and our military. We agree that no one should be paid to honor our troops. Military spending on recruiting efforts should not be confused with programs that support our nation’s active military and veterans,” NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy said in a written statement.

Should the Military Pay for Tributes at NFL Games?

Army Maj. Gen. Roger Mathews, U.S. Army Pacific deputy commander, looks on during the ceremonial coin toss at the 2012 NFL Pro Bowl game at Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawaii. (U.S. Air Force Tech. Sgt. Michael R. Holzworth)

But then there’s this:

“What makes these expenditures all the more troubling is that at the same time the Guard was spending millions on pro sports advertising, it was also running out of money for critical training for our troops,” McCain said.

Wait, what?

McCain said that in 2014, the National Guard “was facing a shortfall of more than $100 million in the account used to pay its soldiers and potential delays in training.” It should also be noted that last year, the Guard discontinued its sponsorship of NASCAR after spending $88 million over 2 years.

For a complete list of teams that received money to salute the military, click here.

Now it’s your turn: What do you think of DOD spending money on military tributes at sporting events?

The Ideal Surrogate, the Military Wife

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The Ideal Surrogate, the Military Wife

Did you know that officially, Tricare does not cover surrogacy?

Twenty percent of the 1,000 babies born each year via surrogate in America are carried by military wives, or some say. There is no official data, though you’ll see this number over and over again in so many sources, as surrogacy is highly unregulated. In fact, there is no federal law governing it.

State laws vary on surrogacy and in New York for example, it is illegal and any parties to a surrogacy arrangement can be fined up to $10,000. For a lawyer or agency, if they are caught a second time it is a felony. Other states, such as New Mexico don’t have a law at all. Tennessee, on the other hand, has a statute that expressly authorizes the surrogate birth process.

This makes surrogacy a bit complicated for some hopeful would-be parents. Finding the ideal surrogate in the right location can be a challenge. This is where military spouses come in. For some, they are seen as the ideal candidate. According to multiple agencies, military spouses make up 15 to 20 percent of their surrogates.

Military spouses are considered the ideal surrogates for many reasons.

Doctor examining a pregnant woman

What’s your opinion on military wives being surrogates?

Military spouses are generally independent and self-sufficient from years of being part of the military lifestyle. Their spouses are away a lot and so they must learn to overcome and do things on their own. They are mentally able to handle situations in a strong responsible way. Giving up a baby you’ve carried for 40 weeks is hugely emotional and some feel that military wives are more emotionally equipped.

The Ideal Surrogate, the Military Wife

How do you feel about military wives being surrogates?

Having a sense of duty and a desire to help is something strongly felt within the military community. Many surrogates state that their desire to help another couple have a family is their driving factor. Many people have the assumption that women become surrogates for the money, but looking at surveys and community boards, it is clear that most of them say the No. 1 reason they choose to do this is because they truly want to help another family.

The money however is also a driving factor. Service members do not, in general, make a lot of money. Surrogates are compensated between $25,000 and $50,000, with an average closer to $35,000. This is a substantial amount of money, especially for lower ranked enlisted who don’t earn much.

Health insurance, Tricare, is one reason agencies particularly like military spouses. Tricare pays for all of the doctor appointments, pre-natal care and deliveries. That is a huge savings for potential parents, as purchasing health insurance for the surrogate could cost them up to an additional $25,000 on top of the average $100,000 cost of having a baby though a surrogate via an agency. There is huge controversy in using Tricare however.

Officially, Tricare does not cover surrogacy. Doctors aren’t likely to specifically ask if you are having the baby for yourself. If Tricare becomes aware of this however, they have the right to recoup the cost, which they have done. The Chief of Public Affairs though has said,

We have 9.5 million beneficiaries and our beneficiaries will have roughly 2,100 birthday every week. We have to be focused on making sure everybody gets their care. We can’t be a big police force.

People have very strong opinions of those that take advantage of this loophole. Some don’t see a problem with it at all. Tricare is a benefit they are entitled to as part of a military family. It is their body and their right to do with it as they please.

Others say they are abusing the system. They are using taxpayers’ money to have babies for other people, possibly for would-be parents in other countries. I’m not quite sure how I feel yet even after all this time researching surrogacy in the military.

What’s your opinion on military wives being surrogates?

How to Hide Your Private Information Found Online

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In today’s world it seems like nothing is private anymore. Scrolling through a friend’s Facebook profile can tell you a lot about that person, probably more than he or she realizes. It tells you where they sleep, where they ate lunch and their children’s and mother-in-law’s birthdays.

Cybersecurity, while not a new concern, is a growing concern for many military families. In March, a “kill-list” was circulated by the self-described hacking division of the Islamic State group that included photos, names and addresses of 100 U.S. troops. That same month, several military spouses’ Twitter accounts were hacked and the Department of Defense asked military families around the world to be mindful of operational security.

Are you concerned about cybersecurity? Wondering what you can do to prevent your private information from being found online?

Marine Corps' Public People Search Database Removal Guide Helps Military Service Members and Spouses Hide Their Private Information

When was the last time you Googled your name? What private information was found in that search?

The Marine Corps’ cybersecurity division recently published a 11-page handbook, titled “Public People Search Database Removal Guide.” This handbook, available for download, describes methods “to get sensitive or personal information removed from easy access points online, including top search engine Google.”

This guide highlights 10 people search database websites, such as WhitePages and PeopleFinders. These database websites gather information from existing public records and are operated using “implicit consent, which means individuals have to explicitly opt out of each website in order to discontinue access to personal data from the online records.” For each database website, the handbook explains how to opt out and provides a link to these online requests.

The handbook also explains which websites require verification to remove the information from the database. In those circumstances, the service members are asked to upload a copy of a government-issued ID such as a driver’s license. Individuals are advised to black out the photo and ID number before submitting the ID copy to the website.

Related: Social Media Do’s and Don’ts for Military Families

The handbook also lists 5 tips for removing your information from the technology search giant, Google. It acknowledges that opting out of Google can be a challenging endeavor, but it isn’t impossible.

The Marine Corps’ guide recommends that service members refuse to take no for an answer and also that they be courteous when making their requests to remove their private information.

Be nice. They are not only busy, but they are under no obligation to help you. If they do help, it is really as a favor. No one will want to help you if you are a jerk, so be nice!

–Public People Search Database Removal Guide

Marine Corps' Public People Search Database Removal Guide Helps Military Service Members and Spouses Hide Their Private Information

Are you concerned about cybersecurity?

Here are 3 other things service members and their spouses should consider regarding cybersecurity:

1. Search Yourself. Is your home address or phone number available online? Not sure. Take the time to Google yourself. Look at the databases mentioned in the Public People Search Database Removal Guide and see what private information is available on you. Then take the steps to have your information removed from that website.

2. Pause Before Posting. Before posting on social media websites or submitting your address, take a moment to think about how that information could be used by others. Ask yourself, is this information that should stay private? What harm could come from this information floating around in the cyberworld?

Take time to think before posting because once it’s out there, it’s out there. Forever. Even if you delete it or edit the information, a digital copy is still online somewhere. The handbook calls this our digital tattoo.

3. Pay for Privacy. You may want to purchase help from a private company to “eliminate access” to your personal information. But beware. “The terms and conditions vary among different service providers and should be carefully examined and evaluated prior to any purchase or subscription to services,” the handbook said.

Want more information about removing your private information from public people searches? Download the Marine Corps’ “Public People Search Database Removal Guide”  today.

Senate to Vote on Cutting Dual-Military Couples BAH

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Dual-service couples, service members married to other service members, currently can both draw Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH).

In an attempt to cut spending, the Senate Armed Services Committee has recommended reducing BAH to only allow the higher ranked service member to receive BAH if both service members are stationed within reasonable commute of one another in the contiguous states.

This recommendation is part of the 2016 Defense Authorization bill (S. 1376) that will be voted on this month.

There are more than 40,000 dual-service couples in the military and that number continues to grow now that same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states. With the recent Supreme Court ruling that same sex partners can marry in America, the number may continue to climb. BAH costs have grown rapidly and in 2001 topped $1 billion annually. The committee aims to curb that cost with this bill.

As it stands, both service members can draw BAH even if they are stationed within the same area. If they do not have children, they both receive BAH at the without dependents rate. If they do have children the higher ranked service member receives the with dependents rate and the other receives BAH at the without dependents rate.

Senate to Vote on Cutting Dual-Military Couples BAH

What do you think of this proposal to reduce housing allowances for dual-military couples and roommates?

If this bill passes the Senate and later the House, dual-military couples could see their BAH rates change as early as October 1, 2015.

Under the new law,

(p) Single allowance for married members assigned for duty within normal commuting distance- In the event two members of the uniformed services entitled to receive a basic allowance for housing under this section are married to one another and are each assigned for duty within normal commuting distance, basic allowance for housing under this section shall be paid only to the member having the higher pay grade, or to the member having rank in grade if both members have the same pay grade, and at the rate payable for a member of such pay grade with dependents (regardless of whether or not such members have dependents).

This proposal would greatly impact a family’s income. An E-7 with children currently assigned to San Diego can draw BAH of $2,499 with dependents and their partner, an E-6 would draw the without dependents rate of $2,052. Their combined monthly BAH is $4,551.

Taking away the second BAH under the new law would lower their annual pay by $24,624. That is a significant amount of money for most military families.

Related: The Ins and Outs of the Tricare Choice Proposal

Dual-service couples are not the only ones that will see a change if this bill is approved. There is a second part to the bill that covers a reduction of BAH for service members that live together but are not partners.

(q) Reduced allowance for members living together- (1) In the event two or more members of the uniformed services who are entitled to receive a basic allowance for housing under this section live together, basic allowance for housing under this section shall be paid to each such member at the rate as follows:

(a) In the case of such a member in a pay grade below pay grade E-4, the rate otherwise payable to such member under this section.

(b) In the case of such a member in a pay grade above pay grade E-3, the rate equal to the greater of–

(i) 75 percent of the rate otherwise payable to such member under this section; or

(ii) the rate payable for a member in pay grade E-4 without dependents.

Many service members choose to have other service members as roommates to save on the cost of rent and utilities. This section of the bill would lower their combined BAH and curb that to a degree.

There is currently no plan to cut individual BAH, but there is talk of a reduction over time that service members will pay 5 percent of rent and utility costs. In the meantime, many eyes will be on the Senate this summer to see if service members’ bank accounts will significantly change this fall.

What do you think of this proposal to reduce housing allowances for dual-military couples and roommates?

Marine Corps Experimenting with Coed Living

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“Did you know your husband is living with a female?”

That’s what a fellow Navy wife told me when my husband was deployed to Iraq with his Seabee battalion in 2007. When I was told that husband was living with a female sailor, I wasn’t jealous, nervous or upset. Mostly I was just confused. So I asked my husband about it. He quickly explained that yes, technically he was sharing a space with her (because they didn’t have time to build a separate room for a woman), so they put up a wall to divide the space. That reasoning made sense to me. It wasn’t the Hilton. It was a deployment.

Eight years later, I’m amazed with the number of active duty females I see on base. You can see that the military world isn’t a man’s world anymore. And as the Defense Department facilitates the transition of more females into combat roles, the logistics of a coed fighting force are being ironed out with various trials and experiments. One of those gender-integration experiments is taking place in 29 Palms, Calif.

Marine Corps Experimenting with Coed Living

What do you think of coed living for military service members?

Marines assigned to the Ground Combat Element Integrated Task Force are living side-by-side “in tents— regardless of gender— the way a future integrated unit might expect to live during field training or downrange on a deployment.” The Marines chose their tent mate; in this experiment, all the females decided to pair up with another female. There are separate shower facilities.

Related: Carter Says Women in Combat Could Be More Vulnerable to Sexual Predators

Besides completing their typical training, the Marines are also given the opportunity to give feedback about integrated unit cohesion throughout the experiment. These surveys and interviews will be analyzed and published in a study by the Center for Naval Analyses. The study will analyze the “Marines’ perception of the unit as a whole,” according to the Military Times article.

This same article said that “despite the close quarters and privacy challenges, Marines said they settled easily into the arrangement.”

“It was really strange for some people at first,” said Cpl. Kevin Rodriguez, 22, who was directly assigned to a staff position at the artillery unit in the Military Times article. “But now it’s like we’re brothers and sisters. It happened really fast; I was pretty surprised. Now we’re sleeping together on the ground, on the back of the trucks, like it’s normal.”

Normal. As DoD works to incorporate women into combat roles, that’s what we need to strive for, a sense of normalcy. We need to strive for living conditions, coed or not, that feel normal to the service members experiencing these living conditions.

Now it’s your turn. What do you think of coed living for military service members?

Is Free Range Parenting the Norm for Military Families?

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Free range parenting. I am sure you have heard the term before. If you haven’t, free range defines a method of parenting that is a lot more relaxed. This type of parenting allows for children to have a lot more freedom and not as much hovering by the parents.

Is Free Range Parenting the Norm for Military Families?

Giving your children space doesn’t mean you have to let them roam the neighborhood all day, everyday.

You might have heard of the woman who let her 9-year-old ride on the subway alone in New York City. This would be a more extreme example of free range parenting.

If you visit any housing area on a military post, you will see a lot of kids being parented this way. This trend was one of the first things I noticed when we moved to our first duty station. At the time I had an 18 month old and I thought it was a bit strange to see so many kids out and about without any parents watching them.

I realized later this is the norm for military families and this type of parenting may not be such a bad thing after all.

On one hand it is good for children to have some space from their parents. Although I am always with my kids at the park, I rarely like to stand right by them when they play. I would rather they play on their own and have me there to watch from a distance. I have never been comfortable with sending them to the park alone.

Age also has something to do with how you should handle letting your child play. Allowing a 4 year old to go out and play alone is different then letting a 10-year-old child do so. There is also the issue that if your kid is out on post and there are parents out with their kids, they will feel responsible for your kid as well.

This happened a lot at the parks on post in Germany. I would be there with my 2 year old and a few other children I didn’t know. I felt like if something happened, I was the automatic “in charge” adult and I really didn’t like that I was. I was there with my little boy and he was my main focus. However, I couldn’t ignore what the other kids were doing.

Is Free Range Parenting the Norm for Military Families?

What do you think? Is free range parenting the norm for military families living on-post?

I think there is an idea that kids will be safer on a military post and so it should be perfectly fine to let them roam and be a free range parent all of the time. But is this true?

Are our children really safer because we are surrounded by military?

I think this issue is a complicated one in which all parents really need to think about.

I have heard a lot of people complaining about all the children who roam around their neighborhoods. Some of these kids are not doing anything wrong; they are just playing outside with their friends. Other kids do get into trouble and this can be an issue. Allowing so many children to roam can make on-post living a little frustrating whether you have your own children or not.

Ask yourself these questions whether you live on post or off. Figure out what your children can handle and what they can’t. Figure out what you are comfortable with and don’t just do what everyone else is doing.

  • Is your own child old enough to handle being without an adult?
  • Will your child stick to the rules and not cause others to get in trouble?
  • Are you sure that where they are playing is a safe place?
  • Do they know how to check in with you during the day?

Giving your children space doesn’t mean you have to let them roam the neighborhood all day, everyday. You can set up limits based on their personalities and ages. Use common sense and make sure you know where your children are going to be.

Do you think free range parenting is an issue in the military? Do you call yourself a free range parent?

 

Want to Buy a House Using a VA Loan? 4 Things You Need to Know

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Summertime is prime real estate time. Many military families are moving to new duty stations located in communities where it may make more sense to buy instead of rent a house. Other military families are separating from service and they are looking to buy their forever home this summer.

Are you thinking of buying a house? What’s your financing plan for your mortgage? Does your service member want to use his or her VA loan? Do you qualify for a VA loan?

4 Things Military Families Need to Know about VA Loans

With a VA loan, military families are not required to make a 20 percent down payment when buying a house.

The VA loan is a benefit for military service members that you might not know a lot about. Unlike the commissary or Tricare, which you use reguarly, a VA loan is a one-time or maybe twice in a lifetime benefit.

With a VA loan, veterans may qualify for a mortgage loan guaranteed by the Department of Veterans Affairs. The loans aren’t issued by the VA, but instead the agency provides a guaranty on each qualified mortgage loan. Since the loan is guaranteed by the Department of Veterans Affairs, financial institutions do not require homeowners to buy Private Mortgage Insurance (a monthly fee when you don’t make a 20 percent down payment), as required with conventional loans.

With a VA loan, homeowners are not required to make a large down payment. Since most conventional loans required a 10 to 20 percent down payment, a zero down payment is a huge advantage for young military families. You might not have the cash for a down payment today, but you can start building equity with a VA loan.

Here are four additional things you need to know about buying a home using a VA loan.

  • You must use a lending institution that participates in the VA loan program. There are also a lot of extra forms involved with a VA loan, so be prepared for that. VA loans aren’t quick loans. They are money-saving loans.
  • VA loans aren’t a one-time deal. Veterans are entitled to use the program repeatedly as long as they pay off the loan each time. So you can buy a house when you are young service member and then use your VA loan a second time for your retirement home.
  • You can’t use a VA loan to buy a farm, restaurant or a vacation home. The program is designed to be used for primary residences only.
  • VA loans do save you money, but there’s also a mandatory fee. This fee is called the VA Funding Fee. It’s normally 2 percent of the loan amount and it is required for both purchase and refinance loans.
  • But in good news, VA loans don’t have a prepayment penalty. When you earn extra cash through a deployment or get an reenlistment bonus, you can put that money toward your mortgage. This can save you a lot on interest over the life of your loan.

Since 1944, the VA Loan program has helped more than 20 million veterans and their families buy a house. It’s a benefit that veterans have earned through their service. Make sure you take advantage of it.

Have you used a VA loan to buy a house? What was your experience with the program?