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14 Ways to Pamper Yourself for #Milspouse Appreciation Day

05/08/2014 By Jessica Aycock

Being a part of the silent ranks can be an amazing experience. We keep the home running while our service members are gone. We raise the greatest kids. We move every few years and keep complaints to a minimum (most of the time). Military spouses always did a lot in the name of love but they didn’t always get a lot of recognition.

That is, until President Reagan saw how important military spouses’ jobs were and created Military Spouse Appreciation Day in 1984. Since then, military spouses have taken the limelight on the Friday before Mother’s Day for a well-deserved day of thanks. This year, Military Spouse Appreciation Day falls on May 9.

Here are 15 ways you can pamper yourself on your special day without breaking the bank.

Get a spa treatment at home:

Complete with DIY face masks:

And pedicures:

Make a sugar scrub for everyday use:

Share a spa day with a friend:

Boost up your water:

Download a book (for free!):

Treat yourself to a cup – either out or at home:

Prefer tea? Make those tea bags do double duty:

Plant a flower garden so you’re always surrounded by beauty:

Treat yourself to something nice:

Make yourself an easy, but fancy dinner:

Plan a mini-staycation:

Still need more tips? Don't want your spouse to forget Military Spouse Appreciation Day. Email this post to them with a little hint to plan something special with the kids so you can relax! Follow MilitaryShoppers's board #MilSpouse Appreciation Day on Pinterest.

Flowers from Iraq: Celebrating Mother’s Day During Deployments

05/05/2014 By Julie Provost

My husband, like many military service members, always seems to be either deployed or away at training in May.

Julie planned a relaxing day for herself when her husband was deployed on Mother’s Day.

Being gone in May means missing Mother’s Day. Repeatedly. Three years in a row, my husband wasn’t home for Mother’s Day.

I am the first to tell you it can be really difficult to enjoy Mother’s Day with your three children when your husband is far from home.

Mother’s Day is not a day of pampering when your husband is deployed.

For my first Mother’s Day during a deployment, I created a fun and relaxing day for myself. No, I don’t eat breakfast in bed or lounge on the couch with my favorite book. But we ate my favorite meal. We watched a fun movie and I tucked the kids in bed early that night. Obviously it wasn’t the same as having my husband home but it made for an easier and more relaxing day for me.

That’s a realistic goal for Mother’s Day during a deployment: an enjoyable and relaxing day.

How do you do that? Here are 3 ideas.

Spend Mother’s Day outside with your children.

Spend Mother’s Day with your Mom or Mother-in-Law

One year I asked my mom to visit while my husband was gone for training. We spent the day together. We got some lunch, took the boys to the park and let them run around while we sat and chatted. That year, I didn’t celebrate Mother’s Day as a mom instead I celebrated the holiday as a daughter.

If you can’t be with your own mom on that day, you could ask a friend if she wants to spend the day together. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Just something to help your kids stay active and help you have some fun time with another adult.

Plan a picnic or take a long walk with your children when your husband is deployed during Mother’s Day.

Take a Mother’s Day Stroll

If you know that being stuck in the house on Mother’s Day will depress you too much, plan a short trip somewhere, even if it is a nature walk around your neighborhood.

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When my boys were very young and my husband was gone, I put them in the double stroller and went for a very long walk. This took up a lot of time and I was able to get outside and enjoy myself a little. We didn’t have a special meal but I brought my camera and we had fun walking around our village in Germany together.

When All Else Fails … Hope for Flowers

One year I got flowers all the way from Iraq. That made my day, especially since my husband doesn’t normally send me flowers.

It can be so difficult to celebrate holidays alone during deployments or other separations. However, by planning a little bit, you can still make sure you have a special Mother’s Day even without your husband at home.

How will you celebrate Mother’s Day this year?

Stop Stressing: Here is Your EFMP Family’s PCS Guide

04/29/2014 By Julie Provost

How do you prepare for a PCS?

A military installation relocation can be a very stressful time for a military family. Those 3 little letters, PCS (permanent change of station) can cause the blood pressure to rise in both the service member and the military spouse.

When you add your special needs child into the process, any PCS becomes quite complicated. In addition to everything you normally need to do to get ready to move, you also have to make sure you complete the requirements as an Exceptional Family Member Program participant.

But don’t stress out.

My list is unlike your typical PCS checklist. This list is specially designed for my fellow EFMP families as they prepare for their upcoming moves this summer.

Create a EFMP Folder

Since the reason for EFMP is to make sure that families with special needs do not get stationed at military installations without the services they need, it is important that your records are up to date at all times. Then when those PCS orders arrive, you will not have to worry about getting orders for a place that would not work for your family.

Combine the individualized education plan (IEP), school paperwork, and medical documents into one EFMP folder. Request your child’s paperwork from his or her current school. You will need it.

When we moved to Tennessee I gave my son’s IEP to his new school district. From that they were able to figure out where he should go to school.

Research Therapists

Make a list of the therapies your child needs. You want to find similar providers at your new home. If you are able to you should take some time to research a little about who you want your child to see at your new city.

Use your military spouse Facebook network. It’s a quick way to get a list of Tricare-approved providers and instant feedback from special needs families, just like yourself.

In the end, you might not get a choice, but you want to be prepared to make the best one.

Always carry your EFMP paperwork with you.

Plan for Hotel Life

When it comes time to PCS you might be living in a hotel for a few days or even weeks. Make sure the hotel you will be staying at has what you need. Prepare your children ahead of time for what to expect during the transition.

If you are not doing a DITY move, you could be without a lot of your belongings for an extended period of time. This can be as long as 6 to 8 weeks if you are moving to or from an overseas location. Make sure you make plans for this. If your child depends on a certain toy or blanket, make sure you can find a way to keep it with you throughout the whole move. Do not let the movers pack it.

Try to remember not to stress during the PCS process. Moving is hard. Change is hard and it is even more so for the special needs child. Preparation now will go a long way in the future.

What’s your No. 1 tip for a stress-free move?

10 Steps to Detox Your Mind

04/28/2014 By Jessica Aycock

Negative thoughts have a tendency to take over our brain. If we let them.

Don’t let negative thoughts consume your mind.

The bad news is that negative thoughts far outnumber the positive thoughts. Some say up to 95% of our thoughts are negative.

The good news is that you don’t have to listen to these inner Debbie Downers. You can stop, reverse, and reduce those negative thoughts. You can cleanse your mind with these 10 simple detox methods.

As Sir Mix-a-lot would say– let’s kick those nasty thoughts.

Write down your thoughts and feelings.

If you find negativity dominating your thoughts, try writing them down. Get them out of your head as soon as you can.

Count your blessings.

Make a list of all the positive things in your life. Keep this gratitude list handy when you need a reminder that life isn’t all bad.

Get moving.

Going for a walk or exercising will release endorphins that battle negative or depressive thoughts. You aren’t required to go running to get this natural high. Walking, swimming, Zumba, and yoga are all physical activities that trigger the release of endorphins.

Question your thoughts.

When you notice negativity creeping in, ask the following questions: Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Don’t judge others.

Many of our negative thoughts can be linked to our perception of others and how they may not live up to our expectations. Practice seeing the situation from their point of view. Realize that their lives are different than ours and that your beliefs may not be the same as their beliefs.

Seek out positive people.

Surround yourself with people who you want to be like: happy, positive, and enjoyable. Their optimism will rub off on you.

Stay busy doing activities you love.

Doing things you enjoy will keep you in a positive state. Still have to do things you don’t like? Do as much as you can to find the joy in whatever you have to do. Blast disco dance music while you wash dishes or watch “Mad Men” while folding laundry.

banish negative thoughts with positive activities

Doing things you love can help battle negative thoughts.

Be patient with yourself.

We’ve gotten so used to our negative thoughts that we don’t even realize they’re happening. Don’t get frustrated as you begin to change your thoughts and realize how much your thoughts have been running your life. Give yourself time to adjust and just keep moving forward.

Laugh. Laugh again.

Don’t take life so seriously. Find a way to laugh every day. Here is a corny joke: “What do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear.” Tell your friends, children, neighbors, and dentist. We can all use more laughter in our lives.

Help others.

Giving back allows you to focus on someone other than yourself. It occupies your thoughts and prevents them from reverting to negativity. You can volunteer at your local food bank, through national organizations, or even on your military installation. The Navy-Marine Relief Society is a volunteer-centered organization that will train you. No experience required.

Daily exercise is good for your mind and your body.

Daily exercise is good for your mind and body.

Remember: You are not your negative thoughts.

You can choose to cleanse your mind of those negative thoughts at any time. Today is the day you can begin to ditch those mental naysayers and start anew with positive thoughts.

How do you keep negative thoughts away?

3 Communication Tips for Deployments

04/24/2014 By Julie Provost

Communication. It’s difficult in any marriage. But when you are married to a military service member, the challenges of communication are complicated by deployments and extended periods of separation. To say communication is difficult in a military marriage is putting it lightly. (OPSEC, anyone?)

How can you improve communication during a deployment?

In those moments– when the phone doesn’t ring or an email doesn’t pop up on your smartphone– you wonder “when is he going to call?”

Here is the good news: he will call. If he can, he will call you.

The methods of communication have been different for my husband and I during each of our four deployments. For the first deployment my husband and I wrote letters, talked on the phone about once a month, and had a period of time when he was online all day where he was working. Our second deployment he had Internet access in his room. This was nice because he was able to get online a lot. His third deployment was a little harder for him to communicate. During his fourth deployment we talked on Facebook most of the time.

Since I’ve experienced a variety of communication situations through four different deployments, I would like to offer these 3 tips for communication during a deployment.

Talk About Expectations

Before your spouse leaves, talk about your communication expectations for the deployment. Do you want him to write letters? How often would you like him to try to call? If calling everyday is an option do you want that?

Sometimes it is better to not talk everyday. Then you won’t need to worry about listening for his phone call at the movie theater with your friends. When he does call, you can give all your attention to that phone conversation.

Your military service member may know what type of communication methods he will have access to at his military base. But understand that compared to today’s world of constant contact, communication options may be very limited where they are stationed.

They might not have access to the Internet regularly and if they do, it can be spotty. Phone calls might be difficult to make based on what is available. Mail can take a while, even months.

On the other hand, some places are equipped with better technology. Sometimes the deployed service member is allowed his or her own cell phone and laptop computer. Be flexible and adaptable.

Communication takes creativity during deployments.

Expect Some Silence

Another thing you must remember is that sometimes your service member can’t contact you. I once waited a whole month before I heard from him, and although it is really hard and frustrating, I just had to do it. Keep in mind that as much as you are missing them, they are missing you.

Letter Writing is Romantic

Yes, writing letters is old-fashioned and your handwriting is awful, but sometimes it is the only method of communication during a deployment. Try to write letters during times when you can’t communicate any other way. It can be a romantic way to keep in touch when technology isn’t an option.

Communication during deployments is hard. With a little creativity and some patience, you will take this challenge to strengthen your marriage.

What do you think? What’s a creative way to communicate during deployments?

Military Life & Depression: Part 2

04/23/2014 By Jessica Aycock

As a military spouse, you are familiar with the ups and downs that come with the military lifestyle. For some of you, the downs can dominate and seriously interfere with your life. Nearly 10% of the population suffers from depression– and 70% of them are women.

The stress of military life affects everyone differently.

While you may think that depression goes hand in hand with deployments, that’s not necessarily true. It’s something that is a constant mental health battle and each individual person is different. One military spouse may feel depressed only when major situations happen– an illness or death in the family, a baby’s birth, financial troubles, deployment, etc. Another may struggle to get out of bed in the morning and any disruption to a routine could make them feel inadequate or overwhelmed.

My depression diagnosis came after I realized I was sleeping nearly 15 hours a day and felt completely overwhelmed with my stressful job. I used medication in the beginning until I found natural ways to deal with depression for the long term.

Here are 4 ways I’ve naturally battled depression for the last 8 years.

(Remember: there’s no perfect way to deal with depression.)

Talking.

I spent a lot of time talking with a counselor or therapist about what was going in my head and how I was dealing with it. Friends can be a good option too, but for me, they were too close and lacked objectivity to tell me when I was blowing things out of proportion.

Exercise.

Any form of exercise will be beneficial to your mental health– try yoga or tai chi, volleyball, soccer, running, or swimming. Running became my form of therapy. Later I moved on to CrossFit, a high-intensity fitness regiment and I can honestly tell when I have been slacking on fitness. I don’t see it on the scale. I feel it in my brain. You may not want to do it, but I promise you will feel better when you incorporate exercise into your daily routine.

Yoga is a great way to battle depression naturally.

Evaluate your diet.

Sugar and processed foods can impact your mood. I crave sugar when I’m depressed and unfortunately, eating sugar makes me more depressed. Pay attention to what you eat and how you feel afterward. Make adjustments as necessary.

Befriend positive people.

Make the conscious choice to socialize with people who make you happy and are happy in general. Do what you can to foster happy thoughts. Laugh often. Don’t listen to sad music or watch depressing movies. Keep a gratitude journal.

Depression affects more than the military spouse with the diagnosis. It takes its toll on everyone close to them.

Military spouses, repeat after me: It’s okay to ask for help; it’s okay to offer help.

What’s your favorite way to naturally combat feelings of sadness?

Note: Please reach out to a professional if you feel sad, depressed, unhappy, or constantly worried. While common, depression is a serious condition and should be properly diagnosed. If you are currently taking medications, please consult your doctor before trying any additional remedies. Do not reduce or quit taking medication without your doctors’ oversight.

5 Lessons from a Special Needs Mom

04/22/2014 By Julie Provost

Pick your battles with a special needs child.

Raising special needs children should have its own parenting lesson book. As a parent, you will have moments when you feel overwhelmed, unprepared, and frustrated with your special needs child. I know I have. All special needs parents have felt that way. It’s normal.

But these feelings shouldn’t become your “normal.”

Here are 5 lessons I learned about raising special needs children:

Pick your battles. This is a biggie. Although you want to be firm with your kids, sometimes you need to pick your battles. If your kid is in a certain mood, everything is going to cause a problem so pick what is important and don’t worry about the rest. If your son only wants to wear his Batman jacket and getting on the bus is a big issue anyway, let it go. It really isn’t a big deal. Focus on the task of getting on the bus. Don’t worry about the jacket.
Take time for yourself. You need it. When you feel like it is getting to where YOU need a time-out, take one. If you are the only adult in the house it might be hard to do this. You might need to say to yourself, “You know, taking a time-out is more important than THIS battle.” If there is another adult in the house, have them take over for a while. Go take a bath, read a book, or meet a friend for coffee.
Look at the big picture. Instead of thinking about the bad days, reflect on the last few weeks or months and see how far your child has come. If it helps, ask a friend to remind you. They don’t see your children daily and can notice a difference. I know with my oldest I believed he would never learn to speak. Then a friend who only saw him every few months told me how much better he was doing. It was hard for me to see this change since I was always with him. It helped to hear that others saw the progress even if I didn’t see it myself.
Lean on a support group. This is so important. Find people who support you and your children. Find other families that are experiencing similar issues. Knowing you are not alone and have support goes a long way.
Don’t doubt yourself.
Don’t compare. When it comes to special needs parenting, you have a lot of choices. Go with your gut. What works for one child with autism might not work for another. Talk to your doctors, therapists, teachers, and your spouse to figure out what is best for YOUR child. If you feel your kid has a certain issue and people tell you not to worry, but you can’t let it go, get it checked out anyway. I really think moms know if something is going on with their children. Don’t doubt yourself.

Are you raising a special needs child? What lessons would you add to this list?

How to Plant a Victorious Deployment Garden

04/18/2014 By Julie Provost

Did you plant your deployment garden? It is already the middle of April and time to start planting those easy-to-grow vegetables, such as tomatoes, peppers, carrots, peas, and herbs. I have found peas to be one of the easiest vegetables to grow in my past deployment gardens.

Plant this month to eat tomatoes off the vine this summer.

The first step to planting a garden is research. You need to know what zone you live in. Different parts of the country should start their seeds at different times during the spring. You want to make sure you are doing what is best for where you live. Then you are more likely have success and enjoy the bounty of your work this summer.

Don’t know when’s the best time to plant? Consult the USDA’s Hardiness Zone Map.

I live in Tennessee, which is located in zone 6B. I already planted my sugar snap peas, carrots, and radishes. With the carrots I am planting a few every week. That way they will not all be ready for harvest at the same time. We can munch on a steady stream of home-grown carrots throughout summer.

Some plants are able to be put in the ground before your last frost date while others need to wait. Each vegetable is different and can handle different types of weather.

I am anxiously waiting to plant my corn until nighttime temperatures are consistently above 55 degrees. Unfortunately our temperatures are expected to hover around 30 degrees this week. Although by the calendar I can plant around the 15th of this month, I decided to wait until it warms up a little more.

I am also growing tomatoes and peppers which I started from seed back in February. These will not go into the garden until the first week in May. Right now I have eight tomato plants and two pepper plants in a small greenhouse.

A lot of the success of your garden will hinge on when you start your seeds or put your transplants in the ground. You want to make sure you know when is the right time to plant your vegetable seeds. Different types of seeds also require different planting depths. (Use your ruler to avoid planting too deeply or too shallow.)

If you are unsure about planting depth or plant spacing, read the vegetable’s seed packet. It gives you all the information you need.

What’s your favorite vegetable to grow at home?

You also want to use your best judgement when deciding what day to plant your seeds. If there is a windstorm predicted the day you were going to plant your garden, hold off until it passes. If you are having colder weather longer than you normally do, wait an extra few days.

Your plants will thank you.

What vegetables are you planting this spring?

7 Ways You Sabotage Your Morning – And 1 Way To Stop

04/14/2014 By Military Shoppers

I think we all know about the benefits of breakfast – but sometimes the benefit of those extra 15 minutes of sleep are so easy to put higher on the morning priority list. So, for this list post, I decided to write about the bad things that happen when I don’t have breakfast, instead of the good things that can happen to you if you do have breakfast. Maybe that will have more of an impact…

When I don’t eat breakfast…

1…I get a massive headache and it is always a surprise…always.

2….The small things bother me…like dog kibble on the ground or long lines at the grocery store.

3…Small tasks seem insurmountable. The pile of dishes, the mountain of laundry, the pages of e-mails, and long list of voicemails I have to sift through.

4…The kids are louder – exponential decibels louder.

5…I don’t have enough energy to work out.

6…I eat more at dinner.

7…I can’t make up my workout because I ate too much at dinner.

Stop Chasing the Ideal Breakfast

Not having breakfast in the morning messes with my entire day, and yet it is still really hard for me to learn my lesson. I want so desperately to have that picturesque breakfast in the morning where the family is gathered around the table with steamy eggs, bacon, maybe a muffin or two.

But that breakfast is not realistic for most of us crazy busy Americans…and honestly, bacon and muffins aren’t that great for us either.

What IS manageable is cereal. Cereal with some extra nutritional boosts:

Start Your Day With A Smile

Honey Nut Cheerios or Cinnamon Toast Crunch with a spoonful of milled flaxseed and milk. I’m a little addicted to my Cheerios (I’m eating a bowl now…it #mustbethehoney). I like adding milled flaxseed to food wherever I can since it adds extra fiber, iron, and omega-3 acids…and it’s easy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drC2fA86Nc4

You can get the big boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios and Cinnamon Toast Crunch at the commissary for cheap. Plus cereal doubles as breakfast and late-night snack.

Want to know what else you can do with Honey Nut Cheerios? Check out the cheerios recipes page and get inspired.

8 Ways to Simplify Your Bedrooms

04/11/2014 By Julie Provost

If you are like me, you are always looking for ways to simplify your life and your home. Moving every few years as we Military spouses do makes it a little easier to sort though our stuff and get a little bit more organized. However, we still might need some good ideas on how to simplify spaces in our homes. I know bedrooms can be a challenging area to keep clean and organized. Here are some ideas on how to simplify your bedrooms.

1. Bins, bins, bins.

For children’s rooms, use bins to hold toys. Go through the toys and categorize them. If your children are old enough they can help you with this project.

2. Plan to purge.

Make plans to sort through toys once every few weeks. Get rid of the broken ones as well as the ones your kids no longer play with. Make sure you to do this right before birthdays and Christmas when you know your kids will get new ones anyway.

3. Does that go there?

Don’t use your room as a storage area. This can be tempting. You tell yourself it doesn’t matter because no one but you and your spouse go into the room. But the reality is you want to create a clear space in there. You want it to feel nice and simple so you can easily relax. Clutter won’t help you do that.

4. Habits make clutter die hard.

Get in the habit of making the bed right away. I have a routine where I make the bed as soon as I get dressed. A bed that is made makes the room feel so much better than a bed that isn’t.

5. Use end tables.

Find some coordinating end tables to put on each side of the bed. Not only do these look nice but they can hold things you might need. You can put your alarm, books, light and cell phone on the table so it is close to you while you sleep.

6. Get into a regular sheet changing routine.

Sheets are like shirts that you wear everyday. Pick a day where you will go through the house and replace and wash everyone’s sheets. Wash them as soon as possible to help simplify the process. Don’t forget to change the pillow cases as well.

7. Closets need love too.

Keep your closets organized. You will feel much better about your bedroom is your closet is organized and you can find what you need. Take an afternoon to go through it and get rid of anything you don’t use or wear.

8. Be nice to your future self.

Every night before bed, walk through your rooms and make sure everything is picked up off the floor, clothes are in the hamper and everything looks great for the next day. You will thank yourself in the morning.

Photo Credit

I hope that these 8 tips have helped you create a more simple place in your home. We all deserve to have a stress free zone in our homes where we can truly relax. Do you have any tips to share?

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