Family MilitaryShoppers Page 38

7 Tips from a Military Spouse to Her Younger Self

11/08/2017 By Veronica Jorden

I won’t say I’m old, but if there was a miracle pill to knock a couple of years off, I’d be interested.

For all of my fears and frustrations about getting older, I know I have earned every gray hair, every fine line. They tell the story of a life that, while it’s had its ups and downs, I really can’t complain about it too much.

But as I watch my oldest child begin to figure out her place in the world and prepare to move out on her own, it got me thinking about myself at her age.

If given the chance what would I want my younger military spouse self to know? What imparting wisdom could I dish out to help make my future just a bit better?

Here’s what I came up with:

If given the chance what would I want my younger military spouse self to know?

7 Tips from a Military Spouse to Her Younger Self

Attend College

Less than half of American adults have a college degree. I was part of the majority without one until just a couple of years ago.

While a college degree won’t solve every problem, it can open doors and help with career advancement and employment.

Many military spouses already have a degree or some form of formal training before they become military spouses, which is amazing! But don’t stop learning. If you’re like me and on the 20+ year plan or you are looking for a second or advanced degree, utilize the resources the military community has to offer.

Programs like MyCAA can help junior enlisted and officer spouses to obtain or continue pursuit of a degree. There are scholarships only available to military dependents and there are a great many programs and universities who offer discounted rates to military spouses.

Get your college degree – it will pay off in so many ways.

Find Your Passion

As you move from place to place, a passion or hobby can make wherever you are stationed feel like home.

A passion gives you something to occupy your time when your spouse is fighting in parts unknown.

A passion gives you something to look forward to when those horrible-terrible-no-good-very-bad days rear their ugly heads.

And your passion just might be the icebreaker you need to make new friends who share a similar interest or who are interested in learning.

Learn to Budget/Schedule/Plan

Mind-numbing waiting at the doctor’s office, empty bank accounts and frantic searches for missing berets or boots at zero dark-thirty can all be avoided with some forethought.

If creating spending plans (and sticking to them) or developing schedules and plans doesn’t come naturally to you, buy a book, or take a class or print off one of the million or so examples on Pinterest.

Get good at being organized. It will pay off a thousand-fold in both your finances and sanity.

Pick Your Friends Wisely

It is all too easy to latch onto an unhealthy friendship when you feel out of place or lonely. But, sometimes those friendships born of low-hanging fruit can do more harm than good.

Put in the effort to build real friendships that last. Don’t write people off because of appearances or even first impressions.

Hint: real friendships don’t equal drama, drama, drama!

Save for a Rainy Day

Before you know it, you’ll be looking at retirement.

Or the need for a new car.

Or the desire to buy a house.

Or the desire to have a baby (or two or three!).

This lesson isn’t really military spouse specific, but it is one I wish I had learned much sooner.

Always, always, always, pay yourself first. Even if it’s just $10 a paycheck, get into the habit of putting money away. Your future self with thank you, trust me.

Buy Smart and Don’t Buy on Credit

Hand in hand with saving, be smart about your money. If you can at all avoid it, skip using credit cards for anything other than emergencies.

That $500 want-it-now purchase suddenly turns into a $1,000 burden when you add in all the interest.

Be patient and save until you can afford to pay cash for what you need.

At the same time, don’t deprive yourself of things. Go back to the lesson about budgeting and figure out a way to be smart about what you buy.

Enjoy and Experience

Don’t let the experience of being a military spouse pass you by without taking time to enjoy it.

While the challenges are difficult and never-ending, the benefits and experiences this life has to offer are second to none. See the world, taste the food, take pictures. Meet people, try new things, explore.

Learn to laugh at mistakes, empathize with your neighbor and trust that your presence in every place and moment has a purpose and a reason.

What advice would you give to your younger self? Share it in the comment section.

My Life as a Unicorn in the Military Community

11/01/2017 By Tammy

by Eric Gardner, Guest Contributor

Are you a male military spouse? Do you feel like a unicorn in your military community?

How do I feel about being a male military spouse (aka a unicorn)? That’s a complex question – being unique isn’t always a good thing.

Yet now in these later years, to put it simply, I love it.

As a military family we are thrilled that my wife is nearing her 20-year mark. We’ve been all over the world. We’ve had our share of bumps and bruises along the way. And the saying “it’s not just a job, it’s an adventure” has been our philosophy toward the unique situations the Army loves to send our way.

My wife and I never set out to change the social structure of the military.

Our non-traditional family dynamic is what we felt suited our needs best. My transition from active duty officer to stay-at-home parent was one we discussed in depth. This important role of stay-at-home parent and active duty Army spouse was one we thought complemented our strengths and weaknesses as a couple.

While our friends and families accepted our decision, the military has been a little slower to embrace this type of dynamic. In large part the traditional role of male military spouse was occupied by joint service members. The dual military couple is a classification, which both service members and spouses of the late 90s and early 2000s could categorically fit into as an already well-established social slot. I knew that role well.

Serving over 8 years in the Army, my presence at the social functions as a “military spouse” was novel and typically dismissed because of the reality that I would have little time outside of my normal duties as an infantry officer.

Everyone understood and appreciated my desire to get to know my wife’s unit spouses but they never expected me to devote any real energy to their network.

My life as a male military spouse went into uncharted territory when I departed from service to take on the role of stay-at-home parent with our daughters.

Looking back it was a comical transition. We attended several closed door discussions where both my wife and I were counseled (separately, of course) on the proper path our growing family should take. In the opinion of my leadership at the time I should stay in and my wife should get out. After the disbelief of having such a discussion we decided to stay true to our course.

Our next assignment was a challenging one. As new parents we soon began to see the reactions to our decision to take on less traditional roles. I encountered many inquisitive gazes. I answered tons of questions about “how I enjoyed spending time with my daughter.” I didn’t try to alter their views, but instead delivered a smile and a well-wish or two.

I was fortunate that the commander’s spouse was new to the Army and didn’t have any of the preconceived notions about the Family Readiness Group (FRG) structure. To her, I was a welcomed addition to the unit and someone who brought a unique inner dynamics to the group.

It was the first time that my desire to fix a problem paid off.

I was fortunate that while the wives all had differing opinions, mine was also seen as beneficial because of how I interpreted different challenges the FRG was facing.

The initial experience became the norm for my interactions with unit spouse organizations. As we continued to PCS I was constantly put in the role of sanity checker of the group. Comically this is not even a title my wife allows me to even remotely occupy in our family however among a collection of like-minded military spouses a uniquely different voice can often shed fresh insight onto routine operations.

I don’t mean to imply that every instance of entering this traditionally female-dominated environment was easy and fulfilling.

I have had my share of exclusions from play dates because of perceptions. Along with the unsteady looks at the playground when I would be there with my daughter.

My status as a male military spouse has excluded me from several events, but it has also allowed me to speak openly when my fellow spouses feel compelled to describe their problems.

After all you can’t blame a guy if he just comes right out and states the problem; right?

Just kidding guys, they can blame you.

Today’s military has changed since the late 90s and early 2000s. The modern family dynamics are ever evolving and the network of wives, husbands, partners and friends helping their service members succeed are stronger than ever before.

I love my role as a male military spouse and I am thankful for the opportunities and relationships it has afforded me to experience.

Are you a male military spouse? Do you feel like a unicorn? Share your perspective with us.

Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father’s footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Since the end of his wartime service he has shifted gears and is now a stay-at-home father. In his role as an active duty Army spouse, he has become an author. As the creator of the XIII Legion Series he has enjoyed great success, and enjoys meeting other entrepreneurial spouses as well as fellow authors . You can see more from Eric Gardner at his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/thirteenthlegion.series, and http://www.facebook.com/XIIILGN or follow him via Twitter @13thLegion.

How I Find the Fun in Mandatory Fun

10/28/2017 By Kimber Green

There are so many wonderful aspects of military life, but for some mandatory fun is not one of them.

Mandatory fun or required attendance at military social events is not always fun.

Some events are a bit stuffy and too formal. Some are too crowded and impersonal. Others are family oriented or for adults only. They don’t always fit in with your schedule and logistics can be difficult. Still, you are required to attend and so you do.

These mandatory fun events can actually be fun.

It’s all in how you perceive it. If you go in with the mindset that you won’t enjoy it, then you likely won’t have a good time.

Next time you have mandatory fun scheduled, try to have fun. Look for the positive in what otherwise could be a time where you are negative.

Formal military events, for example, are not my favorite.

A military ball is definitely mandatory fun in my book. I don’t like all the preparation it takes. Service members have it so easy; all they have to do is put on their uniform.

I, on the other hand, have to go dress shopping because of course you can’t wear the same formal gown to multiple events. Then you have to find shoes and a handbag to go with the dress. Shopping takes all day.

Add kids into the mix and you either have to drag them along shopping or get someone to watch them. On the day of the formal event it takes ages to get ready.

Mandatory military social events can be stressful, boring and time consuming. But try to find the positive in every event that you are required to attend with your service member. It may help make mandatory fun more fun for you.

Once at this mandatory fun, you mingle with people you don’t know. You listen to the service members talk about work using all sorts of acronyms. How are there so many acronyms in the military? I have no idea or at least a minimal idea of what they are talking about. It is always shop talk.

Though preparing for this mandatory fun is no fun at all, the events usually are. I get to talk to military spouses that I otherwise might not see. I meet some people my husband works with and put a face to names I’ve only heard.

If nothing else, there’s usually wine.

Military family events can be time consuming.

You might have had other plans for the weekend but had to cancel them because this was a mandatory fun event. If your children are in sports, scouts or other organized groups, you might be driving between events. It can be a hectic day. Children will likely get overstimulated and over tired. There might be a meltdown or two as well.

Family events are more mandatory fun for my husband then for me though. He doesn’t like giving up his free time to see people that he works with all week long. I understand that.

For me however, this is fun. I don’t get to see those people or their families as much. These types of events can be stressful with logistics and behavior, but they can also be fun. I love to see my babies dressed up with the theme of the event. I like to bake so potluck events are great.

Sure we’ll be very tired at the end of the day, but it’s worth it.

Mandatory fun can be fun if you look at the bright side of it.

Holiday parties are another instance of mandatory fun that really can be fun. The bright side for me is that I get to see the look on my son’s face when he meets Santa or the Easter Bunny.

That’s priceless.

I get overwhelmed when there are a ton of children running around and our son follows in, but these events are few and far between so I can handle it as long as there’s a coffee in my hand.

How do you find the fun in mandatory fun events?

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

10/16/2017 By Veronica Jorden

I’m a reader. An avid reader. Give me a rainy afternoon, a hot cup of tea and a book and I’m golden.

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

Do you read books about military life and the experiences of military spouses? Which ones are your favorites?

If you’re like me, then you might consider checking out a few of the following books. These 8 books offer great insight and reflection on military life.

Some have made me cry, others had me laughing. And still others have given me pause to reflect on how things have changed in this country and offer a reminder of what service to our country really means.

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

“15 Years of War” by Kristine Schellhaas

I was lucky enough to get to work with the author of this book during the editing process. What really stuck with me throughout the entire process is the authenticity of the life that author Kristine Schellhaas depicts.

It’s a he-said, she-said account of the life of a military family starting just prior to 9/11. It shares the ups and downs so many of us are familiar with and offers a glimpse at how resilient military families truly are.