Military Life News, Commissary Rewards and Military Discounts
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In honor of your sacrifice and commitment, several restaurants offer free or discounted meals for Veterans on select days throughout the week. Click the restaurant name below for additional information from participating restaurants.
*Always be sure to call ahead and check with your local restaurant to be sure they are participating.
It’s become almost a knee-jerk reaction: see a veteran, say “thank you.”
These brave men and women gave years of their lives to protect our nation. Many have suffered catastrophic injuries, both visible and invisible.
Thank you doesn’t quite cover everything that our veterans have sacrificed for the greater good of our country.
As a nation, we owe our veterans a debt of gratitude for raising their hands to protect and defend. It’s not an easy job. It requires a willingness to write that proverbial blank check.
So we say thanks.
Thank you for your service, for protecting our collective national values and assisting other nations in need.
While troops are on active duty, they get many services provided for them. It’s all in the name of readiness. Our troops get medical and dental care provided so that they are ready to deploy at a moment’s notice. They get a housing stipend or are allocated a room in the barracks to make sure there is a place to lay their heads. There are clothing allowances and life insurance policies and retirement savings plans. Service members have the opportunity to live or deploy around the globe.
All of this is great. You might say that these are the benefits of serving your country. Things are often taken care of or subsidized. It’s handled.
This looks almost glamorous from the outside in. It can seem pretty plush: housing, medical, dental and relocation to cool locations. To the civilian community, these are great, especially in an age of uncertain health care and rising housing costs.
The thing that many non-military connected Americans don’t fully understand is what it takes to live that “plush” life. Troops agree to risk life and limb, in a very real sense. It’s a commitment, to say the very least.
Once military life is over, things change fast. There are, of course, stories of beautiful lives post-service. Veterans and their families who go on to successful non-military careers, they take international vacations and remain in good health.
In one way or another, military service marks troops for life. It’s not something you can ever truly walk away from. Troops from Camp Lejeune are feeling the lasting impact of polluted water. Troops who served in Iraq and Afghanistan are now dealing with health issues as a result of the waste burn pits. Vietnam veterans are still suffering from the results of Agent Orange.
In just the current conflicts, there are over 50,000 known/reported wounded service members. Their injuries range from missing limbs and scarred bodies to traumatic brain injuries and post-traumatic stress disorders. I say reported wounded troops because everyone came back a little bit different.
Many veterans carry the baggage of their service forever, mentally and physically. Thousands of veterans are homeless, accounting for roughly 11% of the total U.S. homeless population. Other vets self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. They are attempting to battle back against their demons, to soothe their wounds, in any way they know how.
Once they leave active duty, veterans are shunted right back into the civilian world. Their VA health care only covers service-related conditions, and getting even those covered can be a fight. Too many veterans have died waiting to see a doctor. There are some safety nets in place to assist a veteran who may be struggling or in need of additional assistance, but again the wait could be long or the services provided are not the right fit.
Is thank you enough for the 19-year-old kid who is now missing his legs? He will carry the scars of his service for the rest of his life. His blank check, his defense of our freedoms, required that he sacrifice his limbs.
What about the veteran who is working through debilitating mental health issues as a result of her service? Is sharing a reflexive “thanks” on Veterans Day enough recognition? She might struggle to maintain mental normalcy for the rest of her life, requiring ongoing therapy or medication.
But it’s a start.
Keep offering your thanks for their service, please. It starts a dialogue about military service and sacrifice.
Saying “thank you” or asking about a veteran’s time in the military can open the door to changing the way the VA is handled. We can all learn more about veteran-specific health care issues or employment concerns.
When we have these discussions, then we can start to work together to support those who have given so much of themselves in defense of our country.
Thank a veteran this month and start that conversation.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, but those bills sure do pile up fast! Instead of pinching pennies, use a military discount to keep your budget in check.
Here’s a list of military deals and discounts available to service members, veterans and military families.
Note: many deals require that service members, veterans and their family members verify their military affiliation through a third-party site, like ID.me or Veterans Advantage.
Omaha Steaks: use ID.me to save 10% on great steaks, along with other meats and sides.
Shari’s Berries: add something sweet to the table, near or far, with a variety of discount deals.
Peapod: save a little on the essentials and get everything delivered to your door. Holiday shopping never went so smoothly!
Cracker Barrel: no discounts are advertised, but several sources do note that a discount may be offered at the manager’s discretion. It never hurts to flash your military ID.
Boston Market: if you are enrolled in Veterans Advantage, you are eligible for a 20% military discount. Show your membership card to claim your discount and add a rotisserie chicken to your holiday menu.
Local restaurants: check with local restaurants in your area to see whether they offer any special deals or discounts to active duty troops, veterans or their families.
Old Navy: known for jeans, tees and cozy sweaters, Old Navy offers a 10% military discount. Now your family will look super sharp for the holidays.
Aeropostale: get 10% off your purchase in store. Your teens and tweens will love the casual and cool styles.
Carters: get free shipping automatically on orders over $50, including to APO/FPO addresses.
Columbia Sportswear: snag your favorite sports gear at a 10% discount when you verify with ID.me.
Kohls: some locations offer a 15% discount to service members, veterans and families when you present your valid ID. Not all stores are participating, but it always pays to check.
Nike: get 10% off at Nike-owned stores, like NikeTown and factory stores, when you present a valid military ID. Now you can get those new shoes a little bit cheaper.
Under Armour: whether you purchase online or in person, snag a 10% discount. If you are ordering online, verify your military status with ID.me.
Sperry: get a 15% discount on their classic boat shoes and other quality gear when you verify with ID.me.
1-800-Flowers: if you’re far from home, show you care with flowers. Save 20% when you verify your military status through ID.me.
1st in Flowers: get 15% off flowers when you use the code USMilitary at checkout.
Hickory Farms: families living OCONUS should share this deal with their family back home. Shipping to APO/FPO addresses is free!
Michaels: if you like to DIY, do it for 15% less every day when you show your military ID at checkout.
Joann Fabrics: when you need to redo your curtains or craft a cute tree skirt, get 10% off at checkout when you show your ID.
Beaches and Sandals: if you’d like to escape to somewhere warm and sunny, where everything is included, look at this resort company. Beaches is perfect for families with children while Sandals caters to adults-only. Make sure you get your 10% discount by calling an agent to book.
Amtrak: skip the drive and save 10% on train travel. With routes all over the United States there may be a train station close to your holiday destination.
Carnival Cruise: get special rates on select cruises in the Caribbean. Check the calendar to find the best prices on a variety of staterooms.
Princess Cruise: you’ll have a little extra money to spend on board when you use the Military Cruise Benefit Program. Contact the cruise line or your travel agent to learn more.
Disney Parks: save on multi-day park passes to Disneyland and Disney World with Disney’s Military Salute.
Hotel discounts: most major hotel chains offer discounted rates for military troops and veterans based on per diem. Not all hotels will offer discounted rates or the same discount percentage. Be sure to inquire at your preferred hotel for discounted rates and availability.
This list is just a small sampling of possible military deals and discounts available to troops, veterans and their families.
You can access more benefits by joining Veterans Advantage, although there is a fee associated with membership. There are many Veterans Advantage exclusive discounts and deals, which could help your membership fee pay for itself.
ID.me is a free program that helps retailers verify your military affiliation.
by Eric Gardner, Guest Contributor
Are you a male military spouse? Do you feel like a unicorn in your military community?
How do I feel about being a male military spouse (aka a unicorn)? That’s a complex question – being unique isn’t always a good thing.
Yet now in these later years, to put it simply, I love it.
As a military family we are thrilled that my wife is nearing her 20-year mark. We’ve been all over the world. We’ve had our share of bumps and bruises along the way. And the saying “it’s not just a job, it’s an adventure” has been our philosophy toward the unique situations the Army loves to send our way.
Our non-traditional family dynamic is what we felt suited our needs best. My transition from active duty officer to stay-at-home parent was one we discussed in depth. This important role of stay-at-home parent and active duty Army spouse was one we thought complemented our strengths and weaknesses as a couple.
While our friends and families accepted our decision, the military has been a little slower to embrace this type of dynamic. In large part the traditional role of male military spouse was occupied by joint service members. The dual military couple is a classification, which both service members and spouses of the late 90s and early 2000s could categorically fit into as an already well-established social slot. I knew that role well.
Serving over 8 years in the Army, my presence at the social functions as a “military spouse” was novel and typically dismissed because of the reality that I would have little time outside of my normal duties as an infantry officer.
Everyone understood and appreciated my desire to get to know my wife’s unit spouses but they never expected me to devote any real energy to their network.
My life as a male military spouse went into uncharted territory when I departed from service to take on the role of stay-at-home parent with our daughters.
Looking back it was a comical transition. We attended several closed door discussions where both my wife and I were counseled (separately, of course) on the proper path our growing family should take. In the opinion of my leadership at the time I should stay in and my wife should get out. After the disbelief of having such a discussion we decided to stay true to our course.
Our next assignment was a challenging one. As new parents we soon began to see the reactions to our decision to take on less traditional roles. I encountered many inquisitive gazes. I answered tons of questions about “how I enjoyed spending time with my daughter.” I didn’t try to alter their views, but instead delivered a smile and a well-wish or two.
I was fortunate that the commander’s spouse was new to the Army and didn’t have any of the preconceived notions about the Family Readiness Group (FRG) structure. To her, I was a welcomed addition to the unit and someone who brought a unique inner dynamics to the group.
I was fortunate that while the wives all had differing opinions, mine was also seen as beneficial because of how I interpreted different challenges the FRG was facing.
The initial experience became the norm for my interactions with unit spouse organizations. As we continued to PCS I was constantly put in the role of sanity checker of the group. Comically this is not even a title my wife allows me to even remotely occupy in our family however among a collection of like-minded military spouses a uniquely different voice can often shed fresh insight onto routine operations.
I have had my share of exclusions from play dates because of perceptions. Along with the unsteady looks at the playground when I would be there with my daughter.
My status as a male military spouse has excluded me from several events, but it has also allowed me to speak openly when my fellow spouses feel compelled to describe their problems.
After all you can’t blame a guy if he just comes right out and states the problem; right?
Just kidding guys, they can blame you.
Today’s military has changed since the late 90s and early 2000s. The modern family dynamics are ever evolving and the network of wives, husbands, partners and friends helping their service members succeed are stronger than ever before.
I love my role as a male military spouse and I am thankful for the opportunities and relationships it has afforded me to experience.
Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father’s footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Since the end of his wartime service he has shifted gears and is now a stay-at-home father. In his role as an active duty Army spouse, he has become an author. As the creator of the XIII Legion Series he has enjoyed great success, and enjoys meeting other entrepreneurial spouses as well as fellow authors . You can see more from Eric Gardner at his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/thirteenthlegion.series, and http://www.facebook.com/XIIILGN or follow him via Twitter @13thLegion.
There are so many wonderful aspects of military life, but for some mandatory fun is not one of them.
Some events are a bit stuffy and too formal. Some are too crowded and impersonal. Others are family oriented or for adults only. They don’t always fit in with your schedule and logistics can be difficult. Still, you are required to attend and so you do.
It’s all in how you perceive it. If you go in with the mindset that you won’t enjoy it, then you likely won’t have a good time.
Next time you have mandatory fun scheduled, try to have fun. Look for the positive in what otherwise could be a time where you are negative.
A military ball is definitely mandatory fun in my book. I don’t like all the preparation it takes. Service members have it so easy; all they have to do is put on their uniform.
I, on the other hand, have to go dress shopping because of course you can’t wear the same formal gown to multiple events. Then you have to find shoes and a handbag to go with the dress. Shopping takes all day.
Add kids into the mix and you either have to drag them along shopping or get someone to watch them. On the day of the formal event it takes ages to get ready.
Mandatory military social events can be stressful, boring and time consuming. But try to find the positive in every event that you are required to attend with your service member. It may help make mandatory fun more fun for you.
Once at this mandatory fun, you mingle with people you don’t know. You listen to the service members talk about work using all sorts of acronyms. How are there so many acronyms in the military? I have no idea or at least a minimal idea of what they are talking about. It is always shop talk.
Though preparing for this mandatory fun is no fun at all, the events usually are. I get to talk to military spouses that I otherwise might not see. I meet some people my husband works with and put a face to names I’ve only heard.
If nothing else, there’s usually wine.
You might have had other plans for the weekend but had to cancel them because this was a mandatory fun event. If your children are in sports, scouts or other organized groups, you might be driving between events. It can be a hectic day. Children will likely get overstimulated and over tired. There might be a meltdown or two as well.
Family events are more mandatory fun for my husband then for me though. He doesn’t like giving up his free time to see people that he works with all week long. I understand that.
For me however, this is fun. I don’t get to see those people or their families as much. These types of events can be stressful with logistics and behavior, but they can also be fun. I love to see my babies dressed up with the theme of the event. I like to bake so potluck events are great.
Sure we’ll be very tired at the end of the day, but it’s worth it.
Holiday parties are another instance of mandatory fun that really can be fun. The bright side for me is that I get to see the look on my son’s face when he meets Santa or the Easter Bunny.
That’s priceless.
I get overwhelmed when there are a ton of children running around and our son follows in, but these events are few and far between so I can handle it as long as there’s a coffee in my hand.
Living on base brings a sense of security. Families feel safer knowing that there are gate guards and military police. All the people on base must be honest and decent since they’re part of the military, right? Not necessarily.
You never know what a person is capable of and many military families leave themselves open to being taken advantage of because they have their defenses down.
Statistics released from the Pentagon show that 6,172 cases of sexual assault were reported in last year alone.
Take for example, a Marine Corps colonel that was recently convicted in a court-martial of sexually abusing a child. He was a highly decorated service member with over 30 years in the military. He had been on 11 deployments. He was sentenced to 5 and a half years in confinement.
The colonel was living on base at the time. How would you feel if he was your neighbor? You probably wouldn’t feel as safe living on base as you did before this.
If this is the case, then you might be surprised to know that sexual assault reports in U.S. military have reached record highs recently.
Statistics released from the Pentagon show that 6,172 cases of sexual assault were reported in last year alone. That’s up from the 6,082 reported in 2015. The number of sexual assaults reported have gone up dramatically from 2012 when 3,604 cases were reported. Is living on base starting to sound less safe?
You’ve felt safe leaving your door unlocked. You might let your kids walk to school, the movie theater, the park or to a friend’s house on base.
They were unsupervised, but because you are living on base, you feel like it is safe for them to do so.
You might not have let them do such things if you lived out in town.
Even if there wasn’t the threat of danger from service members or their family members, there are others on base that you might not think twice about.
Most military bases utilize contractors for multiple services. Think about those that take care of maintenance and lawn care. Your children might walk right past these people daily.
Do you ever stop to wonder what they are thinking? Are they watching your children? Are they talking to them? Would your children know not to go with them anywhere?
Perhaps seeing them so often makes them feel safe around them and then wouldn’t have their guard up. They could easily be taken advantage of in this case.
Take some time and talk to your family. Make sure that they are aware of their environment. Don’t let living on base make you or your family easy victims. Teach your children to be polite and friendly, but not to be naive.
You can’t guarantee that you can prevent something from happening, but you can try. Have a family discussion about safety.
Give your kids examples of what to look out for. They might not be faced with the usual ruse of a stranger offering candy or asking for help finding a lost dog. Abusers have become very clever in drawing out unsuspecting people.
While protecting your children is extremely important, you need to protect yourself as well. There is a recent report from an anonymous survey that showed that 14,900 service members were sexually assaulted in 2016 alone. This includes every type of sexual abuse, from groping to rape. While this number sounds staggering, it is actually down from the 20,300 people that said they were sexually assaulted in 2014. Sadly, 58 percent of those that reported it faced reprisals and even retaliation if they reported it.
Sexual assault is not necessarily caused by strangers. It may happen in the workplace, by superiors or by any other service member.
It could also happen in the home. Wives can be sexually assaulted by their spouse. According to a report, 78 percent of sexual abuse allegations stem from people the victim knew.
Don’t suffer in silence.
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and know the name of the assailant, they should be turned in. You aren’t necessarily safe living on base, as they may live there too.
I’ll admit it, there was a time when I wanted to be a famous actress. I wanted to devour a screenplay and give my own personal flair to the leading character.
I also wanted to be an innkeeper.
And a baker.
And a wedding planner.
Oh, and of course, a famous author.
While I haven’t quite been able to add all of those things to my resume, I have managed to stay gainfully employed over the last 20 years despite moving every few years. Up until recently, I did it without a college degree.
Don’t get me wrong, if you have a chance to get a degree, I highly recommend it, but going back to school isn’t the only way to learn new professional skills and boost a resume.
Here are a few of the ways I built up my skill set.
This sounds off, right? How does taking free college classes mean not going to college? When those classes are part of an adult learning program, of course.
You can tap into the wealth of knowledge college professors and instructors have to offer by looking into local adult learning classes. Many times the classes are taught in the evenings or on weekends in local high schools or community centers.
Want to learn a new computer skill?
How to select the proper wine for a steak dinner?
Take a quality photograph?
You can learn all of these things and tons more by signing up for one of these courses. Plus, it’s a great way to meet and network with others who have similar interests.
Can I just tell you how many great nonprofit organizations out there would jump for joy to have someone who is willing to learn and is giving of their time? Volunteering is a great way to jump into an organization and learn about how they do things.
I learned a great deal about people management and branding while working for a nonprofit. Find a cause that speaks to your heart and then look for a way to get involved.
Volunteermatch.org is a fantastic resource and offers both local and online volunteer opportunities.
If ever there was a paradise for learning software and creative skills, Lynda.com might be it. Want to learn how to use Photoshop? How to create an effective social media campaign? How to create a WordPress site? Lynda.com offers all of these and more.
I love that you can learn on your own time and at your own pace. A subscription is required, but it’s well worth the access to hundreds and hundreds of training videos.
There is nothing better than on-the-job training. I worked for several temporary agencies when I was a young military spouse.
Each job did 3 things:
1. Provided a paycheck
2. Gave me real-life experience to add to my resume
3. Taught me something new
The first two are a given if you show up on time. Learn something new required me to pay attention to my surroundings and to ask questions.
If someone needed an extra set of hands or eyes, I was quick to jump in. Exposure to new software and industry practices is another benefit.
Plus, many temporary agencies have training programs. I worked for Robert Half International for a long time and they have a great training network available to their temporary employees. Not only can you take training courses, but then you can test to demonstrate you’ve mastered a new skill.
Sometimes a good internship can be hard to come by, but with a little work, you can find them. Some are reserved for college students, but there are still plenty more open to everyone.
Some internships pay, many do not.
Like volunteering, internships are a great way to see how successful businesses operate. But unlike volunteering, internships are designed to help you learn.
Even as I’m writing this post, I’m eyeballing an unpaid remote internship opportunity with a literary magazine. It won’t bring in a paycheck, but it will give me a chance to hone a skill I already have and provide another great bullet for my resume.
If things were perfect, I would be the first one to raise my hand for a family-filled holiday season. I grew up in a large family filled with aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. Every holiday was an excellent reason to spend time together, enjoying delicious food and creating memories.
Things aren’t perfect, however. As much as I would love to have those same gut-busting, house-filled-to-the-brim holidays for my children, it’s not our reality.
Did I mention I have a toddler and an infant right now? If you’ve ever tried to take young children anywhere, you know it can be a recipe for disaster. Everything can go up in smoke at any second and it stresses me out.
First, there are the planning logistics. We need to figure out how many seats to buy for that long-haul flight home. There is so much math involved to figure out if buying the baby a seat makes sense that my head hurts.
Then there are the car seats. We could buy a spare set to keep in our hometown, but then we have to figure out seating on the plane. There’s always the gamble of bringing the baby’s seat on the plane hoping against hope for an empty spot in our row. However, we could end up gate checking it at the last minute.
Checking the kids’ car seats is a whole other situation. We’ve been burned before by car seats that were damaged in cargo.
If we drive, there are the endless hours in the car. Our oldest is potty trained but often needs a bathroom on short notice. Both kids have limited attention spans, so movies are not going to cut it for the whole trip. There are only so many times I can listen to the “Moana” soundtrack.
Doing this with children is, clearly, not ideal. But if this were the only roadblock or the distance were shorter, it could be doable.
The closest we have ever been stationed to our home state was an 8- to 10-hour drive under ideal road, weather and traffic conditions. Mess with any of those factors and that drive is looking much longer.
Have you ever tried to cross the George Washington Bridge in the snow the day before Thanksgiving? It is not fun. Inevitably, someone would need to use a bathroom while we were stuck in the middle of the bridge.
We made it before children arrived and when we had just one in diapers. With two, making that drive with literally every other person in the region would be terrible. There is very little anyone could say that would entice me to spend so long in a car, in traffic, listening to a 3 year old scream about needing a potty right now. Sorry, kid, we’re on a bridge and the next rest stop is 2 hours away.
Right now, we live half a world away. Driving home for the holidays isn’t an option. Our flights would make that car ride seem like a trip to Disney. And the prices would make our credit cards shrink with fear.
Even at non-holiday times, round trips top $1,500 per person. We would need at least 3 seats. I’ve never done more than a quick look at the holiday season pricing. It terrifies me. There would be no presents for anyone for Christmas. Not even Santa’s magic would be able to make that work.
Financially, we would not be able to swing traveling home for the holidays unless we were within driving distance. Even then, I would emerge from that car looking like the bride of Frankenstein with the temper of a junkyard dog.
Or in this case, the house. We both have families that would gladly put us up, but we run into complications.
There is the endless rearranging of bedrooms and sleeping spaces. So much so that I feel a little guilty about visiting and kicking someone out of their cozy bed! Neither of our families has palatial homes, but everyone who lives there permanently makes it work well.
When we roll up, adding 4 more bodies, things get tight very quickly. Of course, everyone says it’s no big deal and that they love to have us stay. Having hosted large family visits, I know the sigh of exhausted relief when you finally collapse into your own bed again. I know.
Then there is the childproofing. Not everyone in our extended families has child safe homes. Again, their homes work for them, and not everyone has curious children getting into the fine china.
Instead of being able to kick back, sing carols and enjoy dessert, I’m stuck chasing down Junior and preventing another tree accident.
Having so much togetherness, especially in the winter, can be challenging. There is no outside to escape to where we are from unless you enjoy freezing temperatures. So everyone is stuck inside. That’s a lot of together time in tight quarters. Luckily, we love our family, but I’m not sure they would feel as kindly toward us after the visit.
It might not even happen anytime soon, depending on where we move next. This year, our families haven’t even asked. I think they just know it’s not going to happen.
In the past, we’ve always explained about the cost and stress of traveling at such a busy time with such little people.
So far, they have all been understanding. We also try to visit during the non-holiday season and invite family to visit our home as well.
For family or friends looking to escape their usual holiday routine, our door is open and the guest bed is ready. Although we understand if you don’t want to brave the rigors of holiday travel either.
I’m a reader. An avid reader. Give me a rainy afternoon, a hot cup of tea and a book and I’m golden.
Do you read books about military life and the experiences of military spouses? Which ones are your favorites?
If you’re like me, then you might consider checking out a few of the following books. These 8 books offer great insight and reflection on military life.
Some have made me cry, others had me laughing. And still others have given me pause to reflect on how things have changed in this country and offer a reminder of what service to our country really means.
I was lucky enough to get to work with the author of this book during the editing process. What really stuck with me throughout the entire process is the authenticity of the life that author Kristine Schellhaas depicts.
It’s a he-said, she-said account of the life of a military family starting just prior to 9/11. It shares the ups and downs so many of us are familiar with and offers a glimpse at how resilient military families truly are.
If you can’t laugh at this life, I don’t know how you cope. Well known in the military community for her hilarious stand-up, Mollie Gross dives a little deeper into her real life and the first time I read this book, I remember thinking,
“Thank God somebody else thinks this way too!”
Honest and entertaining, this is a great book for new and seasoned spouses alike.
Pick a challenge that military life puts us through, and this book talks about it. Written by 40+ military family members, this book is a great reminder that we are all in this together. I was impressed by all of the different perspectives. Another great choice, no matter how long you’ve been in the military community.
This book makes a great gift for family members and friends who don’t quite understand what this crazy, funny and hard life is like.
When your new duty station isn’t everything you hoped it would be, Tricare has you pulling your hair out, or when the up-teenth deployment has you worn out, this book will help put things back in perspective.
To me, this book contains all of those questions you’ve often wondered about but never thought to ask. While it doesn’t delve into the life of a service member per se, it does shed some light on the science and technology needed to keep our service members doing what they do.
I was lucky enough to have my husband with me when our children were born, but countless military wives deliver alone, knowing their spouse is in harm’s way. If you’ve been a military spouse for even just a day, you’ll see yourself in Michelle’s story. Another great book for new military spouses, especially those facing an upcoming deployment.
One of the greatest responsibilities those of us who have been around for a while have is to share some parting wisdom with those who need it. Judy Davis’ book is a fun, uplifting and practical guide to making the most of this military life. She reminds us that perspective and attitude are as important as orders and duty location.
I added this book to the list for 2 reasons.
First, I like poetry.
Secondly, the ideas presented in this book cover a good amount of history and perspective. It’s an easy read and it made me stop and really consider how I feel about many aspects of being a military wife.
And it reminded me that while we all have a lot in common, how we are affected by the challenges this life brings is different for each of us.
It is a brave and often reckless feat to lay challenge to the military community.
No matter the call or reason, when push comes to shove, we band together and lay waste to anyone who would stand in our way. Be it on the battlefield or in efforts to support a good cause, no one can match our vigor or dedication.
Dare to challenge our way of life or suggest our benefits aren’t rightfully deserved and we circle the wagons into an impenetrable fortress.
It is one that I am thankful for because I know that my community has my back.
Which is why it is so disheartening to see a lack of this unity when it comes time to protect and defend a member of our community from each other.
I challenge military spouses to rise above and extend an olive branch.
We’ve all seen it. The online interactions that start out as some innocuous discussion about some aspect of our lifestyle that quickly devolves into drama. Accusations of “wearing your spouse’s rank” or the dignity destroying “dependa” comments soon follow. Or maybe you’ve heard the whispered snarky comments and seen the subtle shunning of that one spouse at a unit function.
We come from every state and territory, every faith, every race and creed. But what should set us apart is our ability to appreciate and respect those differences. No matter which uniform your spouse puts on every day, respect is part of the core set of values that govern his or her actions.
Of respect, the Army says:
“Treat people as they should be treated.”
The Marines include “to respect human dignity; and to have respect and concern for each other” as a defining factor in its core value of honor.
The Navy require sailors to “show respect toward all people, regardless of race, religion, or gender.”
And the Air Force demands that those who serve in its ranks “have respect for the beliefs, authority and worth of others.”
And while as military spouses we don’t take an oath to serve and are not bound by the rules and regulations that govern those who do, we can choose to adopt some of those driving principles.
We can choose to rise above and acknowledge that while we all experience the pains of PCSes and deployments, all must navigate Tricare rules and on-post housing regulations, a great many other aspects of our life are vastly different. And those differences should be celebrated and appreciated instead of singled out or ridiculed.
If you find yourself engaged in one of those conversations where you are tempted to draw a line and put someone down, I challenge you to stop and consider that on any given day, you could find yourself on the other side of those comments. That the spouse you are whispering about may end up being the only familiar face at your next duty station. That it is easy to judge another’s actions, but worth the effort to learn what drives actions we cannot understand. That careless words intended to inflict harm to another speaks volumes about your own self worth and will do little to help another military spouse learn and grow.
And if you witness this kind of behavior, I challenge you to take a stand and call it out. Bullying, hazing and disrespect for a person’s self worth and dignity has no place in our community.
That instead of joining in, I challenge you to rise above and extend a hand or an olive branch.
Endeavor to welcome your fellow spouse into your community, be a resource and a friend. Prove by example that we are not a community driven by drama and cattiness.
I challenge you to hold yourself to the same standards of respect that your service member subscribes to and earn respect by giving it.
