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Deployment Is a Great Time for a Healthy Change

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by Amanda Marksmeier, Guest Contributor

No one wants to get the news a loved one is deploying. While it might be tempting to press the pause button on your life, instead press the reset button.

Deployments are the perfect excuse to reset and refocus on your health.

Everyone wants to know how to make deployment go by quickly. Our instinct is to rush through unpleasant times and circumstances. Instead of looking at a deployment as something to blitz through, use deployments as a time to set and achieve personal goals.

Deployment Is a Great Time for a Healthy Change

Whether it is incorporating meatless Mondays or taking a paddleboard yoga class I thoughtfully use deployments as a way to participate in activities which will improve my life, mind and body.

Goals Keep You Focused and Achievement Keeps You Going

I will be the first to admit, setting goals can be challenging.

If your goals are too low, you will get bored.

If they are too high, you’ll get discouraged.

What do you want to accomplish while your spouse is away? Want to form better eating habits, find balance or start exercising?

Whatever you choose, commitment to it. Decide what you need to do to achieve your goals and start preparing prior to deployment. Schedule time in your calendar to focus on your goals.

Your health is just as important as FRG coffees.

Once you have established your goals, write them down. Put them in plain sight where you will see them daily. Hang your goals on your refrigerator or bathroom mirror. They will serve as a constant reminder and motivate you to keep going.

Set Realistic Goals

Saying “I want to lose 50 pounds in a month” is not only unrealistic, it is unhealthy. If your deployment goal is to lose weight talk with your health care provider and decide what is a reasonably goal.

Losing weight is like a marathon. Pace yourself and take it one day at a time.

Don’t Stay Busy, Stay Active

The thought of working out can be intimidating and exhausting, particularly if you haven’t done it in a long time. Don’t overthink it. Any movement is a step in the right direction.

If you don’t enjoy running, don’t sign up for a marathon. You’ll hate preparing for it and it will be so much easier to quit.

Find something you enjoy and start moving.

Related: How Does Tricare Work When You ‘Move Home’ for the Deployment?

Love dancing? Try a Zumba class. You can show off your mad dance skills while burning a ton of calories.

Searching for balance? Yoga can help you breathe and stretch until you find inner peace.

Frustrated over the deployment? Boxing classes are a great way to get cardio in and frustrations out.

Whatever you choose to do mark it on your calendar, invite friends to join you and get moving.

You Are Not Alone

Human beings are not meant to go through life alone. We survive and thrive in community settings.

Build a community with people who share similar interests and goals. Befriend your neighbors, parents at your child’s school or military spouses in your unit.

You will need these friendships to get through this deployment.

Be Healthy Together

Once you have established your community start scheduling healthy meals and workout dates. Find buddies who will be motivating and keep you accountable.

When we were stationed in Georgia a neighbor and dear friend used to come get me for daily walks. She didn’t give me the opportunity to say no.

Another dear friend in Tennessee would sign us up for crazy exercise classes.

I love both these women because they kept me motivated and made me accountable. I needed to be strong-armed into exercising. My friends knew this and complied.

It doesn’t matter whether you are the one motivating or the one that needs motivation, the important thing is to find accountability partners who will accomplish deployment goals with you.

Deployments can be lonely and draining especially if you only view it as a time away from your spouse. Don’t dwell on the separation.

Think of deployments as a time to focus on yourself and your goals.

If you change your focus it will change your outlook on the situation. When my husband drops the deployment news I get a bit excited thinking about the things I want to achieve while he is gone.

Whether it is incorporating meatless Mondays or taking a paddleboard yoga class I thoughtfully use this time to do activities which will improve my life, mind and body.

How will you use the next deployment to make healthy lifestyle changes?

Amanda Marksmeier is an Army wife and mother of four. She works as an employment specialist assisting the military community in achieving their career goals. Amanda is also a contributing writer for a quarterly employment journal and has written for several military affiliated blogs.

4 Problems Military Children Face That Are Rarely Talked About

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Shining eyes and happy smiles. This is how the public often sees military children. These joyful homecoming images are broadcast on the news, shared on social media and printed in newspapers and magazines.

While everything seems wonderful and picture-perfect, many military children face hidden struggles behind the scenes.

4 Problems Military Children Face That Aren’t Talked About

Anxiety and Separation Fears

Over the last 15 years, deployment and operational tempos have been high. This means that for many military children, mom, dad or both parents have been frequently away from home.

Forward deployed troops have been in active combat zones, taking fire. Even at home, accidents happen during TDY, TAD or routine training exercises.

All of these separations and “what if” situations take a heavy toll on military children. Often these stressors can show up in behavioral, emotional and academic changes.

4 Problems Military Children Face That Are Rarely Talked About

While everything seems wonderful and picture-perfect, many military children face personal struggles.

Children might act out at school, home or both. They could show unusual aggression or attention-seeking behaviors. Some children withdraw or become distant from friends, teachers and family members. Still other children become noticeably upset when their parent leaves, even for short periods, or when there are unexpected changes, like a substitute teacher at school. Grades might decline too.

All of these reactions are common and can coexist.

Solutions:

If you or a teacher notices a significant difference in your child’s emotions, behaviors or academic performance, take notice. Acting sooner rather than later can make all the difference.

A great first step is to reach out to the Military Family Life Counselor on your base or the school’s counselor. Set up a meeting to share your concerns with them and give permission for them to engage with your child. After speaking with your child, they might be able to offer options for ongoing solutions or care.

Another great step is to connect with Military One Source. They offer free, confidential help on the phone and through referrals to providers near you. You might be able to access mental health care and solutions quickly with this resource.

Next, reach out to your child’s school and teachers. Explain your concerns and ask to develop a plan together to help address the changes in your child.

It’s important to approach this as a team, with mental health providers, school and home working together to help your child get back on track.

Gaps in Learning

On average, military children move 6 to 9 times during their K-12 school years. Every time a military family moves, they must adjust to a new set of state learning standards and expectations. Even if a child is able to stay within the DoDEA system, there might still be small gaps in knowledge.

With each move, military children miss several weeks of class time. All that absent time can add up, with missing information about fractions here or confusion about phonics there.

Solutions:

Working with a tutor, either in person or online, is a great way for military families to help close those academic gaps. Tutor.com offers free online tutoring for military families.

Additionally, many military spouses are credentialed teachers. Often these education professionals offer reasonably priced tutoring and have a good understanding of what military children need.

School Transferring Issues

For students in high school, a PCS can spell disaster for their academic ranking, graduation timeline or transcript. Too often there is confusion about which courses are required at different schools or how GPAs are calculated. While schools are supposed to make good faith efforts to ensure on-time graduation, there can still be issues.

Students who have IEPs and 504 Plan, as well as those qualified for Gifted and Talented Education, also face issues when they PCS.

There are no federal protections and only limited state guidelines for students identified as Gifted and Talented. This means that a student could qualify in School A, but be dropped from the program in School B.

IEPs and 504 Plans are federally protected education plans that must be followed with fidelity. Even during a PCS, plans are supposed to be followed as closely as possible. However, different states have varying qualification and classification standards, as well as different resources available. IEPs and 504 Plans can look very different school to school, and state to state.

Plus, for all of these different education plans, the school has the right to re-evaluate students to determine eligibility.

Solutions:

Before you move, connect with your next school and coordinate transferring documents from the old school. Let the new school know about any special circumstances or educational needs your child might have.

As you’re transferring, connect with the School Liaison Officer (SLO) at your next base. They can often assist with transferring everything that your child needs. They should be able to assist you with using MIC3, an agreement designed to assist military children moving between states.

If you get stuck or have concerns, you might need more help than the SLO can provide or that you can’t navigate solo. At that point, it’s time to consider hiring a professional education advocate. There are several advocates in our community that specialize in assisting military families and/or work remotely.

Caring for Injured Parents

All too often, parents return from deployment with physical or mental injuries. These injuries might be very visible or they could be hidden and undiagnosed. Either way, military children are involved in the daily care of that parent and must cope with life changes.

There are many changes to family dynamics and behaviors when a parent returns with hidden or visible injuries. Too often children are shouldering a larger share of adult responsibility at home.

The stressors are similar to experiencing anxiety or stress due to deployments or separations. The symptoms of a child who is overwhelmed with coping with life changes due to their parent’s injuries might be the same as well.

Solutions:

If your family is experiencing changes due to your service member’s injury, it’s important to reach out for help. The Elizabeth Dole Foundation offers resources and connections to help caregivers and families of wounded warriors.

Asking for assistance from other families members, friends or the community is important. It may feel hard, but building a strong team is important for everyone’s long-term success and well being.

Finally, beginning individual and family counseling can be beneficial. You can find a provider through a referral from your doctor or through Military One Source’s resources.

What problems do you think military children face?

(Full disclosure: Meg Flanagan operates MilKids Ed, an education advocacy service and blog for military families.)

5 Organizational Tips for Military Life

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a military spouse, it’s to be organized.

Military life is full of challenges and being prepared and organized can make things so much easier. It’s a new year and we are all making resolutions. If yours is to be more organized, here are 5 tips to get you on track.

5 Organizational Tips for Military Life

Being organized will help reduce the stresses of military life.

5 Organizational Tips for Military Life

Minimize

It’s much easier to stay organized when you have fewer things to organize. I don’t like having clutter, especially paper clutter. A great idea is to open mail and immediately dispose of what you don’t need and file what you do need to keep. Have a specific place to put bills. Once they’re paid, file or shred them. Don’t leave papers out.

Pro-tip: Go paperless whenever possible.

It isn’t just paper that needs to be minimized. I remember shopping with my grandmother when I was little. When I found something I liked she would say

“do you need it or do you want it?”

I still think about that question when shopping and that keeps me from buying things I don’t need. Military families move so often and packing and unpacking can be daunting. Do you really want to move with so many things?

Minimizing the amount of things you own can help you stay organized. I keep a box for donations in my room. When I come upon something I don’t use, I drop it in there and take the box to the donation center when it’s full. If you do this regularly, when it’s time to PCS you won’t have as many things to go through before the packers come to your house.

You’ll also have more room in your closet for clothes you actually wear and your kids will have space for toys they really play with.

File

There are plenty of things you can’t get rid of though, including documents. I have a file box for my husband and myself as well as one for the kids. Paperwork that needs to be saved goes in their proper place as soon as I’ve gone through them. This includes insurance information, school transcripts and tax paperwork.

I also recommend creating a file or folder with important documents. This could have your marriage license, birth certificates, Social Security cards, passports, military orders, power of attorney, a printout of a LES, car titles, insurance information, important contact information, a copy of your will and more in it. These items are in my go-to file. It is so much faster to have everything in one spot when you need things in a hurry.

Prep

Being in a hurry happens a lot in military life. Planning ahead makes things go smoothly. I feel much better when I am prepared for moves, deployments and everyday life.

Don’t let yourself get stressed out. Make the time to get your thoughts organized. Do you have a PCS coming up? Will your spouse be deploying soon? Is your week going to be busy?

Prepare yourself for these things by thinking about what you need to do for each. If your spouse is deploying list the things you need them to do before they go and don’t wait until the last minute to do them.

If you’re moving this year, you’ll want to prep for the move.  Do as much as you can ahead of time. Start thinning out things you don’t need, gather things that you will need for the move and look into the area that you’re moving to.

If you have a busy week, make sure you’re prepared for it. Plan your meals for the week. Use your slow cooker for easy dinners. Make sure backpacks, diaper bags and lunches are packed the night before.

Delegate

You might feel like you have to do everything, but you don’t have to do it all yourself. Share the responsibility with your children. Kids of all ages can help around the house. Our 4 year old is in charge of feeding the dog and setting the table. If you have older kids, they can do laundry, empty the dishwasher and walk the dog. Everyone can help make dinner too. Children can even pack their own lunches.

If you are moving, have the kids declutter their room. Let them organize their toys. Put them in charge of preparing their things to be packed. Make them feel part of the process.

Reset

When my husband says he’s going to bed, he goes to bed.

When I say I’m going to bed, it never happens that I just go to bed. I always see something that needs to be done. I started thinking of it as resetting the house. This is basically tidying up the house so that I come down to a nicely organized space in the morning. This includes picking up things in the living room, putting away the dishes that dried, setting out items for breakfast and putting bags by the door.

Resetting can also be for your mind. Don’t go to bed with a million things on your mind. Review what you need to do before you go to bed so that when your head hits the pillow you fall asleep.

If you do some of these things to get organized, you’ll find your military life is more enjoyable and less stressful.

What do you do to keep your family organized?

The Myth of the Perfect Military Spouse

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It was one of those days.

You know, the days when nothing seemed to go right? My oldest had dumped a gigantic bag of beads in the middle of the living room floor for the second time that day. My youngest was way past nap time. I was dressed in my usual jeans and seen-better-days T-shirt, my hair was a mess, and I had less than 30 minutes until my husband was due to walk in the door.

My plan to be dressed, pressed, and waiting to sit down to a delicious home-cooked meal had gone out the door hours ago.

And it wasn’t the first time my list of to-dos or taking care of my children had eaten up my entire day.

I so wanted to be that military spouse who had the house cleaned and dinner neatly prepared when my soldier walked through the door.

The same daydream had me perfectly coiffed and dressed to impress. And every time I didn’t hit that goal of “perfect” spouse, I felt like a failure.

The Myth of the Perfect Military Spouse

If I couldn’t do it all when he was able to come home every night, what did that say about my abilities when he was deployed?

After all, he was doing all the hard work, putting on the uniform and training to be of service to our country. He needed a spouse capable of taking care of everything at home. If I couldn’t do it all when he was able to come home every night, what did that say about my abilities when he was deployed?

After a particularly stressful afternoon that had all of my kids recovering from temper tantrums and me in tears, a close friend stopped by for coffee. She was everything I wanted to be. She always looked great. Her house was always immaculate. And I’d never seen her stress about anything.

After confessing my feelings of inadequacy, she changed my entire world with just one sentence.

There is no such thing as a perfect military spouse.

What? How could that be? There were those, just like her, who always had it together. The spouse next door who always had his kids ready and at the bus stop on time. The commander’s wife who always made hosting company events look easy.

She repeated herself.

There’s no such thing as a perfect military spouse.

The look on my face must have confessed my disbelief. Over the next few minutes she confessed to a few cracks in what I thought was her perfect façade. I felt a little better, but I still wasn’t wholly convinced.

I begged her to share her secrets with me. How did she make it all look so easy? She just laughed and challenged me to change my way of thinking.

“So what if your house isn’t perfect? So what if macaroni and cheese is the best dinner you can muster? Those things are not required to make you worthy of love and respect. We each have our strengths. Be your best you and that’s good enough.”

I sat quietly and tried to take those words in. Was it possible to be the best me without being perfect? Could I be the strong, capable military spouse my soldier needed and not be good at everything?

The answer is yes.

My belief in that idea didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of work and introspection. It took time to learn to quiet that inner voice that told me I was a failure and give the stage to the part of me that got up every day and did my best.

I am incredibly thankful I had a friend to intervene and set me straight.

And I hope, should you ever find yourself in a similar mindset that you remember:

There is no such thing as a perfect military spouse.

No matter who you are, where you are from or what you are struggling with, you are worthy of love and respect.

Even if it means that the dusting or vacuuming should have been done yesterday.

Even if it means that PB&J is what’s on the menu tonight.

Live every day with the intent to be the best possible you that you can.  The best you is more than good enough.

Are you trying to be the perfect military spouse?

8 Financial Stressors Military Couples Face and How to Overcome Them

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There are many things that set military couples apart from civilians, but financial stressors we all share. Sure military families have different financial stressors than civilian families, but they are there nonetheless.

Here are 8 financial stressors military families face and how to overcome them.

8 Financial Stressors Military Couples Face and How to Overcome Them

Not Agreeing on How to Handle Finances

Most couples are made up of one spender and one saver. This can be great as the saver can keep the spender in check and the spender can get the saver to live a little. When a couple can’t decide together how best to handle money, financial stressors occur.

To overcome this, sit down and talk to each other. Set aside time when children are not around and there are no interruptions so that you can have a serious financial discussion. Don’t leave the table until a decision has been made.

Not Communicating

Communication is key in a healthy relationship. If you are not being honest with yourself or your spouse about spending, more financial stressors will occur.

Do you hide shopping bags in your car until your spouse isn’t home so they don’t see how much shopping you’ve done?

Ask yourself why you feel the need to do so. Did you spend more than you should of? Are you worried they will be upset with you for this?

Not Creating a Budget

Forget financial stressors, money-conscious couples that set budgets have less stress. Knowing how much money is coming in and going out will bring relief.

Knowing that you have enough money to pay all the bills by allocating money each month will set fears aside. As a couple, decide how much money you want to save and how much you’re comfortable spending each month.

Putting Off Saving for Retirement

When you’re young and facing bills, saving for retirement might be the last thing on your mind. Savvy savers know that saving now for retirement can alleviate financial stressors. You can contact a financial planner, attend a saving for retirement seminar or do your own research.

The sooner you start saving for retirement, the better off you’ll be when the time comes.

Not Having an Emergency Savings

It is recommended to have an emergency fund with the greater of either 2 weeks’ worth of pay or $1,000. You can use an emergency fund calculator to determine the right amount that your family should save. When an unexpected event occurs that brings in a large bill, financial stressors arise. Help lower the stress by having a plan already in place.

Taking on More Debt Than You Can Handle

You and your spouse need to be realistic on what you can afford. Keeping up with the Joneses is what gets military families into trouble.

If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it.

Just because your neighbor has a new car or put in a pool does not mean that you need to do the same thing.

How many financial stressors do you need in your life?

Is trying to keep up with the social status of your neighbors or friends worth the burden?

Be realistic with your wallet. If you can’t afford the payments on a new car, maybe you don’t need such an expensive one.

Struggling with Finances on Your Own During a Deployment

When your spouse is deployed and you are unable to communicate immediately or even frequently, financial decisions are often made on your own.

It can be extremely frustrating when financial stressors arise during a deployment. You don’t have your significant other to help you make a decision and are forced to deal with it on your own.

Setting time aside before your spouse deploys to discuss what to do in this instance can help significantly.

Not Expecting a Baby to Change Your Finances Dramatically

If you don’t have children yet, you might not understand this but it is true. Children are expensive. The more you have, the more it will cost you. Having a child unexpectedly can create financial stressors if you aren’t prepared. Not everyone gets the opportunity to plan ahead for a growing family, but if you are able to plan financially for your little one, life will be a little easier.

Which of these financial stressors is your military family facing? How are you planning to overcome them?

10 Ways to Avoid the Flu This Winter

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Being sick is no fun at all, whether it’s a mild cold or the flu. It wasn’t until I was pregnant that I got the flu for the first time, and hopefully the last. Now that I know how awful it is, I never want to get it again.

10 Ways to Avoid Colds and the Flu This Winter

Did you get the flu vaccine this year?

Follow these 10 tips to avoid getting a cold or the flu this winter and let’s all stay healthy this year.

Stay Away from Sick People

The flu virus is spread through droplets made when someone with the flu coughs, sneezes or talks. The flu virus can also spread when people touch something that the flu virus is on and then touch their mouth, eyes or nose.

You may want to keep your distance from sick people for a few days. People that have the flu are contagious as early as one day before they exhibit symptoms and can continue to pass the flu virus along for up to 5 to 7 days after they’ve become sick. Children, severely ill people and those with weakened immune systems can actually infect others for longer periods.

Stay Home if You Are Sick

The flu is an infection of the nose, throat and lungs caused by the influenza virus. It causes countless hospital stays and deaths each year. The CDC recommends that if you do become sick to stay home an extra 24 hours after your fever has passed. The flu can be very dangerous for children and those with weak immune systems. Almost 20,000 children under age 5 are hospitalized from complications due to the flu, such as pneumonia.

Don’t let your stubbornness about staying home get someone else sick.

Wash Your Hands Often

Do you know how to properly wash your hands? Sounds like a silly question, but you’d be surprised how many people aren’t washing correctly. Cleaning your hands is one of the easiest and most effective ways to prevent the spread of germs. You should wash your hands before, during and after you handle food. You should also wash them when you’ve been around someone who is ill. After you use the bathroom, helped a child use the bathroom or changed a diaper, you should always wash your hands. When you blow your nose, cough or sneeze you should also wash your hands.

To properly wash your hands simply run them under water and lather with soap. Make sure to get in between your fingers, under your nails and on the back of your hands. Do this for 20 seconds.

A fun way to get children to wash their hands for 20 seconds is to have them sing the happy birthday song twice.

Then rinse your hands with water and dry them. Turn off the faucet with a paper towel. If you aren’t able to wash your hands, then you can use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer that has at least 60% alcohol.

Don’t Touch Your Eyes, Nose or Mouth

Do you have a nail-biting habit? Do you rub your eyes when you’re tired or put your finger to your mouth when you’re thinking? These seem like small things, but if you’ve touched something with the flu virus, you will regret it. You might not even notice that you do it, but it is an easy way for the flu virus to reach you.

Does your little one like to pick his nose? Now is a good time to have a talk about why you shouldn’t put your finger up there. Try to keep your hands away from these areas and you might avoid the flu this season.

Clean and Disinfect Commonly Touched Areas

The flu virus doesn’t last long on surfaces, less than 24 hours experts say. You can clean them with a mild soap. You don’t need to bleach everything. The medical community largely agrees that the flu virus is transferred mainly from human to human contact and not so much from surface contact.

It’s still a good idea to make sure commonly touched areas are cleaned often. Door knobs, telephones, elevator buttons, keyboards, remote controls, refrigerator doors and toilets are all commonly touched areas that should be cleaned regularly.

Get Plenty of Sleep

Sleep deprivation has an adverse effect on immune function and chronic sleep loss can increase an individual’s vulnerability to infectious diseases according to the National Sleep Foundation. Most people don’t get the recommended amount of sleep. There are 9 age categories sited. School age children, age 6 to 13 years, should get 9 to 11 hours of sleep a day while teenagers, age 14 to 17, should get 8 to 10 hours. Adults should get 7 to 9 hours of sleep. Are you and your children getting enough sleep?

Keep Your Fluids Up

Keeping hydrated is very important. The recommendation is 8 glasses of water a day. This will keep the lining of your nose moist. The first line of defense against germs is the mucous membrane in the nose. This traps germs and keeps them from getting to your lungs. If you are dehydrated it will dry out. Doctors recommend spacing the 8 glasses of water out evenly throughout your day. Coffee and tea don’t count because the caffeine content is dehydrating.

Manage Stress

Stress directly influences your immune system. Have you noticed when you’re stressed that you’re more likely catch a cold? Stress weakens your immune system which makes it harder for your body to fight off infection. Make it a point in your life to let go of as much stress as you can so you can enjoy a healthy life.

Keep Active

Exercise increases your circulation and blood flow giving your immune system a chance to find a virus such as the flu before it spreads. Make sure to add regular exercise to your routine for better health.

Get the Flu Vaccine

This is a topic for debate. Doctors recommend anyone over the age of 6 months get a flu vaccine. Many people have personal beliefs about its safety, which is why I listed it last. Make your own decision.

 What are your tips for avoiding a winter cold or the flu this year?

Resiliency Starts with Resources: 4 Resources for Military Kids

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Military children aren’t naturally resilient. They aren’t born with a distinct skill set that leads them to be confident in new situations, to be understanding during separations and to be grateful for this unique life.

Yet, military brats are often described as resilient. Why?

I believe it’s because of their military parents. Resilient military children are that way because of their parents. Their parents show them the ropes of military life in a positive light. Their parents take the time to listen to their frustrations about the new school, missing their old friends, making new ones and saying goodbye to Daddy right before Christmas.

But as a military parent how do you know when to apply tough love and when to hug your way to happiness? Lucky for us, there are plenty of valuable resources to help us know how to talk to our children about military life and how to listen when they want to talk.

Cool little kids posing over white background

Here are 4 resources to utilize as parents of military kids.

FOCUS: Family Resilience Training for Military Families

You’ll recognize FOCUS (Families OverComing Under Stress) by its purple materials. FOCUS is available to families in all branches of the military and its training is based on more than 20 years of research. FOCUS says its mission is to  provide “resiliency training to military children and families. It teaches practical skills to help families overcome common challenges related to a parent’s military service, to communicate and solve problems effectively, and to successfully set goals together and create a shared family story.”

One thing I love is their emotion thermometer magnet. It helps my preschooler explaining that she’s feeling “a little red” when she doesn’t have the vocabulary to identify her exact feelings.

Sesame Street Talk, Listen, Connect Kits

With Elmo as the central character, small military children can feel like another little person understands their situation. Talk, Listen, Connect is a “a multiphase outreach initiative to help kids through deployments, combat-related injuries, and the death of a loved one.”

As a parent, I really enjoyed the conversation starters in the workbook. It had a short story I could read to my daughter and then questions I could ask her. The workbook also provides suggestions and strategies to help ease the transitions during the deployment.

With You All the Way- USO

When my husband deployed, my kindergartner received a With You All the Way support kit from the USO. This kit includes a video, a teddy bear, and a deployment journal. My child enjoyed writing in the journal about her adventures while Daddy is gone.

School Liaison Officer

Switching schools can get complicated quickly for military children and their parents. Just trying to figure what paperwork needs to be submitted to a new school district in the middle of the semester can be a frustrating experience. School Liaison Officers around the world work to ease this transition for military children.

My military children are young and I’m still trying to figure how I can best support them. Do they want to talk through their feelings? Do they want to draw Daddy a picture? Do they want to cry? Navigating these moments as an occasional solo parent and military spouse, I truly appreciate the information from the resources listed above.

What resources have you used as a parent to a military child? Which ones would you recommend?

3 Steps to Battle Social Anxiety

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3 Steps for Military Spouses to Battle Social Anxiety

Summer parties shouldn’t make you anxious.

The summer months for military families means PCSing, farewell parties, barbecues, beach gatherings, pool parties, family vacations and meeting new neighbors. In short, it’s a busy, busy time of the year.

For me, summer often brings a bit of social anxiety– so many events and parties, so little time. As an introvert, it’s draining to spend a lot of time with other people and an extremely packed schedule makes me anxious.

Sometimes the anxiety comes from the idea of meeting new people or putting on “airs”, pretending to be happy when I don’t feel happy. Sometimes it’s the idea of having so much scheduled that I don’t have time for myself.

Here are 3 steps that helped me overcome the uneasiness of a full social calendar.

  1. Know that it’s OK to say “no”. You can politely decline an invitation. If it’s someone you know well, be honest and tell them you have too much going on (or that you’re not comfortable with a crowd). Offer to get together with them at another date without other people around.
  2. Know that you don’t have to stay the entire time. Give yourself a time limit of an hour or two. This worked well for me during the past Memorial Day weekend. My guy and I went to each party for an hour or two and then headed home to get back to our own work. We attended a different party each day. The events were a welcomed distraction from a mountain of schoolwork and our friends and family were happy to see us.
  3. Reward yourself with alone time. If you must attend a lot of events or have a busy schedule, plan downtime afterward. Plan a day to read a book or watch a movie. Do something that builds you up and renews you.

Introverts sometimes feel like we’re missing out on life when we don’t attend events. But remember that you need to take care of YOU. If that means taking time to recharge, do it. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of you. On the flip side, definitely enjoy the summer social events. You’ll be glad you did.

How do you handle the uneasiness of a full social calendar?