Military Life News

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Are the Challenges of Military Life Worth It?

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At the end of the year, I find myself feeling a little introspective. This year has brought a lot of ups and downs, but perhaps the most monumental aspect of this year for my family is this:

we had our last military move.

Retirement is just around the corner. I’m not sure I even believe it yet. I grew up traveling the world with 2 active-duty parents. I took the oath of enlistment myself and then settled into the familiar life of a military spouse.

Every single moment of the first 40 years of my life has been influenced by the military community.

I have never known health care that wasn’t Tricare. Words like PX, PCS, TDY and ACUs are a part of my regular vocabulary. I have seen countless iterations of uniforms, moved from one side of the world to the other, and started and left more jobs than I can count.

As I think about this past year and imagine what a fast-approaching civilian future might look like, I have to wonder if the challenges we’ve faced as a military family have been worth it.

It’s a question not easily answered and so I did what any military spouse would do. I leaned on my military community and asked them: what are the biggest challenges of our particular lifestyle?

I empathized with their responses, and it wasn’t long before I noticed that almost every challenge listed was directly tied to the transient nature of our lifestyle. With that in mind, I sat down and gave some thought to this particular aspect of my life. Has moving 19 times been worth it?

Change Moving Is Never Easy

No matter your MOS or career field, this is one aspect of our military life that we all share in.

Often it’s a hassle, sometimes it’s an adventure, but it is always stressful.

Making sure you can find adequate housing, ensuring the school district is acceptable, finding a new job, setting up a new support system, picking a new primary care physician, figuring out which gate is open, the list goes on and on. I can honestly say that even though I have done all of these things many times, they never get any easier.

Moving is exciting when it’s just a set of orders and a daydream about the possibilities, but a nightmare when your entire life is packed into boxes, your spouse is headed out to God knows where for who knows how long, and you don’t even know where the closest grocery store is.

And then there is the separation. Separation from a spouse sent on deployment or TDY. Separation from extended family. Separation from the friends and co-workers who became your surrogate family when you first arrived at the new military installation.

As I sat reliving the stress and strain of military life, I could feel my blood pressure begin to climb.

And then it hit me. The lessons this life has taught me are invaluable.

Lessons Blessings in Disguise

If I had never traveled the world, I wouldn’t have lived in the beautiful, red brick townhome in England. Never had milk delivered in glass bottles right to our door. Never discovered that boiled Brussels sprouts are entirely unpalatable. I would never have played hide-and-seek in the small grove of olive and apricot trees on Crete. Never learned to swim in the Mediterranean.

If I hadn’t changed schools ever couple of years, I would have missed out on friendships that forever changed the way I saw the world and understood people. I would never have listened to a foreign friend tell me her secret dream was to one day become an American.

If I hadn’t said goodbye to countless friends, I would never have had the chance to say hello to so many others.

If I hadn’t waved goodbye to my spouse, I might never have learned that I am strong, smart and able to take care of our household on my own. And I would never have been able experience the sweet relief of watching him walk through the front door unharmed.

If I hadn’t agreed to quit a job to go where the Army sent us, I might never have learned how to make giant Christmas bows or develop a database or process a mortgage. I might never have learned how to create websites or work in social media.

I might never have learned that friendship, comradery, resiliency and a sense of duty will always trump adversity.

So has military life been worth it? For me, I think the answer is undeniably, yes.

How would you answer this question: Knowing what you know now, would you live your military life all over again?

10 Tips for New Commissary Shoppers

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One of the biggest and potentially best, perks of military life is the commissary. Land of less costly staples and often unique foreign foods, the commissary can be a pretty great place.

When you are new to military life, the commissary can be a bit intimidating, especially if you are shopping without your service member. It’s a grocery store, but not exactly. There are some written and unwritten rules that run the commissary.

Here are 10 tips to make your commissary shopping experience a pleasant one.

10 Tips for New Commissary Shoppers

1. Always Bring Singles

The very friendly people bagging your groceries work for tips and tips only. Their take-home pay is based on your generosity and goodwill. If you just have a few bags, drop a buck or two in the wooden box or glass jar. If the bagger has packed many bags, takes them to your car and stows them in the trunk, give a bigger tip please!

2. Clip Coupons

The prices at the commissary are already below the out-in-town shops’ prices, but coupons should not be neglected. Grab the flyers at the front of the store and pull out a few before you shop. Or plan in advance with the Sunday coupon inserts or weekly circulars.

Don’t forget to use your Commissary Rewards Card app. You can digitally clip coupons that way or by visiting Coupons.com.

Even if you use coupons occasionally, you can still score big savings on staples like cereal, diapers and snacks.

3. Military Coupons

Throughout all commissaries are special military-only coupons. These deals are often even better than the manufacturer coupons distributed to the general public. Plus, the discount window tends to be longer, giving you more time to stock up.

4. Pay Day

Service members get paid on the same 2 days each month. Like clockwork. If you value your sanity, avoid shopping at your commissary on those days. Go a few days before or a few days after.

The 1st and the 15th are not days you want to “just run in real quick for some milk.”

5. Case Lot Sales

A few times a year, most commissaries will close a section of their parking lots for case lot sales. A case lot sale is the perfect time to stock up on toilet paper, paper towels, canned goods and bulk snack items for hungry kids. Almost everything is even cheaper than normal and there are often coupons that give you an even bigger price cut.

6. Checkout Etiquette

In civilian grocery stores you just find the register with the shortest line and go there. In the commissary there is one giant line that funnels to the registers. It makes sure that each check-out is not overwhelmed with people and that baggers all get equal amounts of work.

On your first trip, don’t be that person who cuts the line. Join the big queue and bring something to entertain the kids (and you) while you wait.

7. Restocking Day

This might vary slightly from base to base. Generally there is 1 day a week that the whole store is restocked. Find out when this day is and shop on that day. By sticking to restocking day for shopping, you will get fresher veggies and produce. You will also get first grab for new items or popular things that go fast at your commissary.

8. Holiday Feasting

If you like a big turkey for your holiday meal, it is better to scope it out early than to wait until the last minute. Since these big ticket items are considerably less than civilian grocery stores, holiday foods tend to go fast. This means that you might not find a turkey the week of Thanksgiving. It’s better to clear some freezer space in late October than to be caught without one later.

9. Item Requests and Suggestions

Food is changing. Americans are eating very different things than they were even 5 years ago. Just look at the explosion of gluten-free and organic products!

If you want to see something on your commissary shelves, ask. Email the manager. Their contact information is always on the receipt and on the commissary specific website.

You can contact the procurement or department manager too. Often, if a regular distributor carries the product you want, it will show up in stores. Then send a thank you note or email.

There are also comment boxes near the management office of every commissary. If someone went above and beyond, or you liked a particular item, write it down and put it in the box. This is the only way that each store knows what is going right and what needs to be corrected.

10. Time to Shop

This varies based on where you are. Many locations, particularly northern Virginia and southern California, have a huge military retiree population with commissary privileges. This group tends to shop in the late mornings on weekdays. If you are OK with moving a little slower and navigating around motorized carts, this might be a good time for you.

Many families with working parents shop on Saturdays or after church on Sundays. The store will be crowded and full of kids. Also, stores don’t restock on weekends, so this is a prime time for something to run out.

The best way to figure this out is to hit your local commissary on a few different days and times. Find out what works best for your shopping style and stick with it.

What commissary shopping tips do you have for new military spouses? Share them in the comments section.

5 Tips for Better Sleep While Your Service Member is Deployed

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While the perfect night’s sleep is often as illusive as dragon’s eggs and fairy potions, getting a good night’s sleep is imperative for maintaining good health and handling the stresses of the day. Toss a deployment into the mix with all of that extra responsibility and worry, and even a good night’s sleep can become something of fairy tales.

Many military spouses often have difficulty adjusting to sleeping alone while their service member is deployed and in harm’s way.

Here are 5 tips to help you sleep better as you count down the days until homecoming.

5 Tips for Sleeping Alone When Your Service Member Is Deployed

Have you had trouble sleeping alone when your service member is gone for a deployment?

Prepare to Sleep: Develop a Bedtime Routine

One of the easiest ways to help your body sleep better, even in the midst of chaos and stress, is to develop a bedtime routine. At the end of a long, hard day, be kind to yourself. Brew a cup of chamomile tea, take a warm bath or shower, use aromatherapy, read, meditate or do some other quiet and calming activity.

While none of these activities actually makes you sleepy, following a daily bedtime routine can help remind your body that it is time to de-stress and get some rest.

You’ll want to avoid exercise within an hour of your normal bedtime as the endorphins released during this kind of activity can keep you awake.

And recent studies have indicated that the use of electronic devices like iPads, cell phones, eReaders and television can affect your natural circadian rhythms, so give yourself at least 30 minutes of unplugged time before bed.

Get Organized: The Easiest Way to De-Stress

Stress can have a huge impact on your sleeping patterns, so managing stress can help to ensure a better night’s sleep.

Simple things like getting your clothes (and your kid’s clothes) ready the night before, planning weekly meals, setting up bill pay and keeping a good calendar of due dates and activities can help to eliminate the feeling of having too many balls in the air.

It can be hard to get into the routine of planning ahead, but thankfully there are all kinds of free tools on the Internet to help you with everything from planning menus and building shopping lists to keeping track of appointments. Even if you usually do okay keeping track of things, putting some simple organization and time management mechanisms in place can help you stay on schedule and can greatly reduce your stress levels.

Keep a Journal

Often the lack of communication with a deployed spouse can add to your worry and increase feelings of isolation and loneliness. And while you can rarely control when the phone will ring or when that long-awaited email will arrive, you can make the most of the time you have Skyping or chatting with your deployed spouse by writing things down.

Consider keeping a journal. You can even make it part of your bedtime routine. Jot down a few words about your day or vent all of your frustrations on those pages.

Putting it down on paper can be cathartic and it gives you a chance to reflect and revisit some of your more taxing challenges when you aren’t right in the middle of them.

Plus, it can help to eliminate the need to unload all of that frustration on your spouse.

But don’t forget to write about the good and exciting things too. Get into the habit of finding at least one thing to be thankful or happy for each day. It will help add balance and perspective to your view of the deployment.

Sleep in the Middle of the Bed with a Snuggle Alternative

This one can be a bit hard to get used to, but sleeping in the middle of the bed can help to all eliminate that “something’s missing” feeling.

Adding a full body-length pillow, a teddy bear sprayed with your spouse’s favorite cologne or perfume, a pet or even a snuggly kid can also help to combat the feeling of being alone.

Talk to Your Doctor

If you’ve tried all these techniques or if you find yourself under an unusual or significant amount of stress, don’t be afraid to reach out to your primary care physician.

Simple supplements like vitamin D or melatonin can help to encourage good sleep and there are a number of over-the-counter and prescription drugs that can help as well. But always seek a doctor’s advice before starting any kind of sleep medication to rule out other conditions like sleep apnea and depression.

Have you had trouble sleeping alone when your service member is gone for a deployment or training? Tell us about your experience in the comments section.

Calling Military Spouses ‘Simply Civilians’ Really Gets Under My Skin

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“Military spouses are just civilians.”

“Spouses are not military; they are civilians like everyone else.”

“Just because you are married to someone in the military doesn’t mean you are in the military, quit saying you are.”

Have you heard any of these phrases before?

I have.

I have even had to backtrack when someone assumed that I had served too because I said something about how “we” were in the military when talking about our experiences as a military family. That was frustrating.

I get it.

As military spouses we are not actually IN the military. I am not sure many military spouses think they are. However, life is different when you are married to someone in the military. Life is more complicated and just so different from life in a civilian family.

When my husband joined the military, everything changed. We had spent about 3 years as a married couple before he joined. When he signed up, everything was different. We were no longer a civilian family, we were a military one.

Having lived both types of lives, I see a huge difference. When people tell me they are similar, I just have to laugh. Life could be exactly the same for some military spouses, but that has not been my personal experience at all. Life changed when he enlisted.

Although military spouses are technically civilians and not in the military themselves, hearing that we are “simply civilians” can seem a bit shallow.

Hearing that can make you feel like you don’t matter or that what you have been though doesn’t matter. Hearing those words can cause military spouses to feel like they are not a part of the military when they really are.

The truth is, when you are married to a member of the military, you are not living a civilian lifestyle, you are living a military one. The military has a lot of say over your life. They tell you where you need to live, when your spouse will be home, if you will have to go months and months without seeing them, whether you can go on vacation, etc. Living a military life is very different from living a civilian one.

Before the military my husband worked a job where he left at about 7 a.m. and was home before 5 p.m. He could take time off without much issue. If he was sick, he didn’t have to go anywhere, he would just pick up the phone and call in. If we wanted to go somewhere, he didn’t have to get a special pass to go further then 250 miles. He didn’t have to get his leave approved only to have that taken away at the last minute. Life was simpler because although he had a boss and an employer, they didn’t have the same type of control over him that the military would.

We should stop saying that military spouses are “simply civilians” because it just doesn’t make any sense to do so. Yes, we know that military spouses didn’t sign up to serve in the military. We understand that but there is no reason to call us civilians. Doing so puts up a wall that doesn’t need to be there.

So what are military spouses? If we are not serving in the military but we are not quite civilians, what are we? Some sort of hybrid?

Half military, half civilian? I don’t like that description either.

I think we are military spouses and we should be called just that. Military spouses are the backbone of the military community. They are the ones that can support the military service member and help them through their career.

How do you feel when someone points out that military spouses are “simply civilians?”

A Military Spouse’s Guide to the Military Ball

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It’s Navy Ball time. The Marine Corps Birthday Ball is right around the corner.

A Military Spouse's Guide to the Military Ball

Are you nervous about attending a military ball? Here are MilitaryShoppers’ tips on attire, planning and etiquette for military spouses.

A Military Spouse's Guide to the Military Ball

What Should I Wear?

When it comes to dressing for a military ball, you have a lot of options. There is going to be a dress code but after that the choice is up to you. You should keep in mind that you do want to coordinate with your service member as they will be wearing their dress blues.

Before my husband joined the military, I thought my ball gown-wearing days were over. I was excited to be able to go out and shop for one once I heard about going to a military ball. I went shopping with my mom and found a nice black dress at the local mall.

When you go shopping for a dress for the military ball, think about what you might wear to a fancy wedding. Long dresses are better than short ones. A military ball lasts a long time so you need to make sure you are comfortable.

If you don’t have a big budget, shop the sales. You don’t have to spend a lot on a dress if you can find a good deal.

How Do I Plan?

With planning for the ball, you should make sure you have your dress, shoes to match and a purse. You will want something to take with you to carry your cell phone, makeup and ID or wallet.

After your appearance, knowing what to expect can be helpful. You can break down the military ball into different stages. The first part is the cocktail hour. This is when people are arriving and you get to greet other people. You are also able to get drinks. No one has to be seated yet and you can stand around with your spouse and their friends.

After the cocktail period is over you will go through the receiving line before you sit down for dinner. You will also need to get your photos taken. We have usually done this first so we don’t have to worry about them anymore.

When it’s time to sit down for dinner you will notice that you have an assigned seat. You should be sitting with those in your spouse’s company and their dates. There will be spouses, girlfriends and good friends because the service member can invite who they want as their date. At all of the balls we have been to, the food has been a buffet. You stand in line and pick out what you want and then go sit down again.

At some point after you get your food, the program will start. This will included a few speeches, some toasts, a prayer, etc. You will get a schedule and be able to follow along.

After the program, they will open up the dance floor and you will be free to dance, get more food, get more drinks or just socialize until you want to go home.

What etiquette do I need to follow?

Remember that the military is filled with traditions. The military ball is one of them and certain etiquette needs to be followed. Some of what you need to do is common sense but some traditions you might not be used to.

You need to make sure that your dress does not show too much skin and that the dress is modest. In some cases you will not be allowed to wear a strapless dress unless you keep a wrap on at all times. You should get information from your command about what to expect at your particular military ball.

During the formal part of the military ball you need to be respectful and pay attention to what is going on. You don’t want to be talking when you shouldn’t be and you don’t want to be playing with your phone. There will be toasts and you need to be paying attention to those.

When you are going through the receiving line, make sure you follow your service member, smile and be professional. It might feel really intimidating when going through the line but the line is also a good way to meet the commanders and their spouses.

As long as you are respectful, dress appropriately and do what you should be doing at the right time, the military ball will go well for you and you should have a good time.

I personally have always loved the food, spending time with my husband and getting to see a part of the military I don’t normally get to see.

What advice and tips would you add to this list for military spouses attending  a military ball?

When Unexpected Military Duty Cancels Your Date Night

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Let me set the stage.

It’s date night. You and your spouse made amazing plans for a night on the town or a relaxing evening in with a delicious dinner on the table. As you’re getting ready and preparing for your wonderful date night, the phone rings. Your spouse answers it and he gives you “the look.”

If you’ve been married to a military member long enough, you know what “the look” means. It means that they have unwelcomed and unplanned news to share. It might also mean they have to cut date night short and go.

Whether you’re celebrating a special occasion or it’s a “just because” date night, when duty calls for your service member, you realize that their military job takes precedence.

Even though you know that his military duty outweighs your date night, it’s still difficult to brush off the disappointment. For me, the disappointment doesn’t settle in until they walk out the door. My hearts sinks after the hug and door closes in front of me. Then, cue the violins.

Despite feeling extremely bummed about the situation, military spouses need to stay positive and move forward. It’s scientifically proven that maintaining a positive attitude is an overall benefit to our health, so keeping your head high and spirits up! It will all work out and you’ll be better for it in the end.

Feeling Disappointed that His Military Duty Canceled Your Date Night?

Here are 5 tips for ways to stay positive and reduce your disappointment.

When Unexpected Military Duty Cancels Your Date Night

Even though you know that his military duty outweighs your date night, it’s still difficult to brush off the disappointment.

1. Full steam ahead on your plans: If you had dinner reservations or wanted to see a movie, still go out and do it! You’d be surprised how much fun it can be to enjoy the company of strangers or be on your own for once. I used to have so much anxiety being by myself (even when I was living on my own, I had roommates that I went out with!), but I realized that the same excitement can be had with the same plans you made with your spouse.

2. Or call a pal: It is natural to think of a close friend when you feel bummed about your date night getting canceled. Why not give your friend a ring to see if they are open for the evening or weekend? So what if you have a romantic date planned? I’m almost positive that you will appreciate the time you’re sharing with a friend.

3. Take me time: I hardly ever get the opportunity to pamper myself! So, I particularly go out of my way to squeeze in a mani-pedi if my husband has to run out the door for a military assignment. For the late evenings, I’ll run a warm bath. When I was new at our current duty station, I utilized our time apart to dine at nice restaurants with a book to read alone. Honestly, solo dining was scary at first, especially in a brand-new location, but it was actually peaceful to sit there and enjoy a meal alone.

4. Adopt a new skill or start an activity: I have a special hobby that I partake in when my husband has to go away. During our time together, I collect mementos from our adventures. From park maps to concert programs, I keep all the loose items in a box. When he goes away, I break it open and piece together our duty station scrapbook. It gives me the opportunity to reflect on all the fun things we’ve done and keeps my mind occupied on happy thoughts.

Related: 9 Low-Cost Date Night Activities to Ignite Your Love

If you’re a reader, you can spend time re-reading your favorite book or watch your all-time favorite movie, again. There are so many different things you can do that fills time and are easy to pick up at any moment.

5. Practice positive mantras: I find comfort in keeping my mind as ease and understand that I should expect the unexpected with military life. It was difficult to let go, especially when I was used to being in complete control. Life should be enjoyed at every possible moment and remember your spouse isn’t at fault for their departure. There are so many mantras out there! Find one that spurs positive thoughts for you and practice saying it.

What tips do you have for handling the disappointment when your service member cancels your date night plans?

Understanding Common Military Phrases

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At a young age, I was exposed to military lingo. When I would ask my dad if a friend could spend the night, he would answer “negative” for no. When my mom would request a task from my dad, he would reply, I got your 6. All. My. Life.

Even with early conditioning as a child, I have scratched my head here and there because the military culture, just like with any culture, has evolved since my dad’s time in service. Plus, I’ve come to realize that each branch has their own interpretation too. I still had a lot to learn.

Recently, I sat down with my husband and went over all the expressions and sayings that I’ve heard my dad and him say time and time again. With his help on clarifying the sometimes not so obvious, we’ve come up with our list of the most commonly used military phrases below.

Common Military Phrases Your Service Member Uses at Work and May Use at Home

Roger: Yes

Got Your 6: Got your back

Rack: Bed

Rack Time: Sleep

Civies: Civilian clothes

Camies: Uniform

Cover: Hat

Unsat: Unsatisfactory

Boot: New military member

Battle Rattle: Wearing all your combat gear

Downgrade: Drop your jackets

High and Tight: Expression for a military type haircut, where hair is extremely short on the sides and a patch of slightly longer hair at the top

Good Idea Fairy: Somebody that comes up ideas that lead to extra work

Joes: Generalizing military members, shortened from G.I. Joe

Command/Big Boy Voice: Speaking up and authoritative

Ground Pounder: Infantry service member

Geardo: Buys and wears more tactical equipment than they need

High Speed: Someone that performs well

Ate-Up: Someone not doing a good job, not within regulation

Household 6: Spouse, my husband says, commander of the household

Bird: Aircraft, spoken about helicopter

Helo: Particularly helicopter

Liberty/Leave: Time off

Moon Beam: Flashlight

Head: Toilet

Hit the Head: Go to the bathroom

Klicks: Kilometers

Beat Your Face: Push-ups

Back on the Block: Civilian life

Zero Dark Thirty: Really, really early in the morning, pretty much still dark outside

Aye, Aye: Heard and understood

Bag Nasty: Take out food given in chow halls or foreign areas

Galley: Kitchen

Drive On: Keep doing what you’re doing

Soup Sandwich: Could be a person that does something wrong or a situation

Bravo Zulu: Good Job

Hooah/Oorah: Exclamation, typically used to acknowledge a message

This list only touches on a handful of common military slang phrases and words. It obviously isn’t the comprehensive list! There are tons more out there and lots that are also specific to military branch.

Which military slang words would you add to this list?

5 Important Things You Can Do to Save Your Military Marriage

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Military spouses, almost immediately after saying “I do,” realize that being married to a service member brings its own unique challenges. Aside from unexpected moves, forced separation and countless other military-related things, we also know a marriage in itself can create difficult challenges.

Last month, I shared with you 5 Things That Can Destroy a Military Marriage. It was a list identifying specific actions that cause problems in our relationships, particularly those married to service members.

Again, I turned to my parents for inspiration on the things we can do to help us nurture and ultimately save a military marriage. Here’s what I learned.

5 Important Things You Can Do to Save Your Military Marriage

Don’t take your cohabiting time for granted! Dedicate quality time for the two of you.

In a military marriage, it’s important to:

1. Communicate with each other. I think it’s one of the biggest things you should do. How many of us like to complain? I’m totally guilty of it and it’s totally natural to get annoyed and shut down. But when we shut down and stay silent, we stop communicating with our service member. That’s not good in a military marriage.

Most of the things that can destroy your marriage can be resolved by communicating and listening.

If you approach every conversation with an open heart and mind, communicating with your spouse can help clear a lot of conflict. Remember to be understanding and use this dialogue between to find a compromise. Because of how important it is to listen to each other, speak taking turns, so you don’t overpower each other.

Also, don’t let distance stop you. Even if your spouse is away, use the form of communication that is available. The Internet was how my husband and I spoke to each other while he was overseas and it helped us work through our issues.

2. Compliment your partner. In addition to openly communicating, it’s just as important to compliment each other in the things that we do love about each other. Compliment on things that are done for you and also on “just because” things.

I’m a sucker for my husband’s smile and if you know him, you know that his smile doesn’t appear that often (he’s quite a serious dude). So, at the moments I see that smile from ear to ear, I tell him how much I love seeing it. As a result, I actually see that smile a lot more– must be a subliminal thing!

Don’t let it stop at physical compliments. Take it to an emotional level too. It’s said that complimenting increases self-confidence and self-worth, so it’s a great way to strengthen your bond.

3. Date each other. We all know that separation is difficult. It can even create distance when you and your spouse are back together because we get used to our solo routine. Don’t take your cohabiting time for granted! Dedicate quality time for the two of you. Whether you and your spouse agree to try a brand-new activity or do something that is near and dear to both of you, it’s really important to keep the romance alive.

4. Allow for space. It is a little weird to say that being alone is important after encouraging you to communicate and date, but maintaining your own personal space gives you and your partner the necessary downtime needed to recharge and get your mind back on track. Alone time allows me to reflect on my relationships. As a result, my marriage is stronger because of the balance I have with myself and my husband.

5. Embrace each other and military life. First, physical contact can remind us of the love we have for our spouse. There is something special about the warmth of a hug or the touch of a hand. For me, it’s soothing. The mere thought of hugging my husband makes me feel happy.

Second, you must choose to embrace your marriage and the military. Let’s be honest, some disputes might actually stem from an extenuating military circumstance. I can’t tell you how many times that I’ve been downright upset or confused (sometimes I mix the two) because of a military-related decision. You both can blame each other for what the military throws your way. Instead, embrace the lifestyle together.

What’s the best piece of marriage advice you’ve ever received?

Expect the Unexpected and More Valuable Advice for Soon-to-Be Military Spouses

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The holidays bring a lot of joy and excitement, including engagements and marriages. My husband and I got married in a courtroom 3 days before Christmas and a week before overseas orders in 2012.

Months before our wedding, my husband PCSed from Fort Drum and I tagged along for the almost cross-country move from New York to Arizona. I had a feeling that he would propose sometime during our trip (spoiler alert, he did propose at the end of the trip and I said “yes”).

Now, 3 years after saying “I do,” I’ve learned a whole lot, and I admit, I still have a whole lot to learn. In my father’s 20+ year career, I’ve witnessed the challenges of my rock star mother and she would always tell me to live day by day. I take that advice to heart and look to her for guidance and strength. The most important lesson I’ve learned so far is that despite all the trials and/or difficulties military life could bring, its community is the most loving, understanding and powerful asset for military spouses. We’re all in this crazy life together!

Expect the Unexpected and More Valuable Advice for Soon-to-Be Military Spouses

 

Here is a sampling of important advice I’ve learned as a military spouse:

  1. Question Everything. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and really, you should be asking a lot of questions. There are a lot of moving parts with the military (ie., PCS, Tricare, retirement), so asking a lot of questions will ensure you understand this lifestyle better.
  2. Open Your Mind. There will be days when you scratch your head at the military, but don’t lose sight of the bigger picture. For example, things can change at a moment’s notice or there might be some rules that don’t make any sense to you. Be sure you keep an open mind.
  3. Expect the Unexpected. Nothing is set in stone. Orders can change and TDYs pop-up whenever.
  4. Expect Stereotypes. People may judge you inside and outside the military community. When I started dating my husband, people wondered why. There is a stigma with people that decide to join the military. There is also a stigma with newbie spouses. Don’t let anything or anyone get you down as you continue to grow within the military community because that isn’t a reflection of everyone. There are so many people out there that are kind and helpful. I’ve never experienced any negativity, but it’s out there.
  5. Find the Compromise. When the military threw the curveball of an overseas assignment at my husband before our nuptials, I really wanted the “dream” wedding– nothing big, just something with my dad walking me down the aisle and my family and friends there. So, we arranged for a courthouse ceremony first and the traditional church wedding at my childhood church when his assignment was over. It ended up being perfect for us. Compromise is your mantra.
  6. Keep Your Sense of Self Worth. No matter what, don’t lose sight of yourself! Take the time to do things that make you special and happy.

Are you engaged to a service member? What questions do you have about military life?

Military Newlyweds Skip Warehouse, Bulk Buy at Commissary

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Commissary Better Than Warehouse Stores

Buying bulk items at the commissary saves money for military newlyweds.

Once my husband and I moved into our first home, we wanted to put together a grocery shopping plan that would be the most economical for us. We just paid for a wedding and furniture to fill our house, so we quickly shifted our priority to saving as much money as possible.

We considered memberships to warehouse stores like Costco and Sam’s Club, where you pay an annual rate to use the facility. But, we realized that route might not be the best for us. Right now, it’s just my husband and I, plus a cat. To really reap the benefits of a warehouse store we would need to use the perishable items in a more timely manner. The last thing we would want to do is have 40 pounds of produce and not use it all before it spoils.

Besides, the warehouse stores are further away than our military commissary, so in the long run, it wouldn’t be cost effective. We would pay for a membership to drive a little further and we would still need to shop at a grocery store for perishable items. We were looking for a streamlined one-stop shop approach.

That’s when we calculated that our military commissary is the best place for our grocery needs and that we would do our bulk buying at the commissary too.

If we purchase the largest size available in-store, that would last us a good amount of time. Also, we would actually be saving money in the long term. Who doesn’t like saving money?

We bought everything that we would need to start out all at once including all our toiletries, cleaning supplies (trash bags, all-purpose cleaner, etc.), spice selection, a week’s worth of food and more. That first bill cost us a couple hundred dollars. Since our first time huge purchase, the average weekly commissary bill is around $20. Yes, that’s right, just about $20 per a week.

As a result, we run out of different items at different times and we refill our supply when it’s needed. Everything is spread out and for the most part our commissary bill stays the same each time.

To me, that’s a pretty good deal. I’m sure there are even ways to bring the cost down and if you feel like splurging sometimes for a filet mignon instead of a sirloin steak that would affect the average too.

Bulk buying has always been a way to save money over time. Brands bundle more than one item of their products together for little savings here and there. Let’s say one bottle of contacts solution costs $8. The double pack may costs $13 If you are an avid contacts user and use 1 bottle a month over a year span you’ll save $18. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but if you have the habit of doing that with all your needed items you’ll see some awesome savings.

Here are 2 examples to show how bulk buying can save money over the long term based on actual figures from my military commissary.

Cats eat an average of 10 pounds of dry cat food per a month.

$3.99 for a 3.15 lb. bag = $1.27 per lb. and $152.40/year

$11.99 for a 15 lb. bag = $0.80 per lb. and $96.00/year

$56.40 in savings a year for cat food.

Bulk Buying at Your Military Commissary

What bulk items do you buy at your military commissary?

In my house, we use on average 32 regular rolls of toilet paper per a month.

$12.99 for 64 regular rolls = $0.20 and $76.80/year

$2.92 for 8 regular rolls = $0.37 and $142.08/year

$65.28 in savings a year for toilet paper.

Bulk Buying Saves Money at the Commissary

Bulk buying has always been a way to save money.

And of course, the savings continue for every other item you bulk buy! Plus you never pay an annual membership fee to shop at the commissary.

What bulk items do you buy at your military commissary?