Military Life News

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If They Made Military Spouse Medals, We’d Want These

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Our military men and women earn medals, ribbons and awards for going above and beyond the call of duty. Well, military spouses certainly serve in their own way in their own communities, just with much less recognition.

If They Made Military Spouse Medals, We'd Want These

What medals, ribbons or awards do you think military spouses earn during their military life journey?

If military spouses were to earn medals, ribbons or awards, these are a few that we would like to see.

If They Made Military Spouse Medals, We’d Want These

Faithful Friend Award

Military spouses stick together through thick and thin. We show up, with snacks and drinks, during the worst of times. From pinch-hitting on child care to celebrating birthdays, we are there for each other. Sometimes, we even fill in for deployed spouses during birth and delivery!

Through thick and thin, our military spouse friendships sustain and support us across the miles.

Positive PCS Ribbon

We don’t get to pick where we live and most times, we don’t get even a little bit of a say or even a top 5 list. Instead, no matter where we land, we try to make the very best of any situation.

Before we even move, we research new schools, parks and local attractions in our new hometown. We are pumping up the kids and ourselves, planning fun experiences and decorating new bedrooms.

Balanced Budget Campaign Medal

Military salaries are not plush when compared to the amount of risk and work taken to earn them. Military spouses are often forced to take salaries below their education level or remain unemployed, due to frequent moves. Balancing that tight budget can be tricky.

Through dedicated coupon cutting and savvy shopping, we somehow figure it out. We serve nutritious meals. We purchase clothes to suit every clime and place. And we keep a roof over our heads, even if that home has very white walls.

It’s not easy, but we make it work!

Career Flexibility Merit Award

Military spouses are ambitious. Many of us have college degrees, some of us even have advanced education. Others have certifications in a slew of careers, from beauty to child care. We are always trying to find that next thing, at the next duty station.

Despite all that education and planning, military spouses are notoriously underemployed or unemployed. Yet, we take the setbacks and hiccups in our careers in stride. When we can’t find something that perfectly suits our background, we create positions or retrain in a different field. We volunteer to learn new skills.

Above all, we are flexible and willing to meet the needs of the military. Even when that means sacrificing a job that we love.

Meritorious Volunteer Ribbon

When a military unit needs something handled, the military spouse is right there. We are ready to serve in volunteer positions both on and off base. From family readiness groups to religious organizations, we are more than willing to step in.

Military units rely on us to organize care packages, host family fun days and activate phone trees. Without us, so many necessary tasks wouldn’t get accomplished.

Family Travel Agent Award

Everyone loves a vacation! Military spouses are experts at planning economical and fun adventures. We work those military discounts like a boss.

We search out places that will cut us a deal on hotels, cruises and airfare. From Disney’s Military Salute discounted tickets to Sandal’s 10% discount, we are like bloodhounds for the best deals.

Facebook Friendship Medal

Facebook and blogs have created connections between military spouses across continents and around the world. We reach out to each other online with questions, concerns and helpful hints. Facebook groups help us to find job leads and the best restaurants in our new hometown.

Social media is our sounding board and go-to place for stand-in therapists. We get the dirt on Tricare rules and regulations, and can ask the what-ifs of life. Even after our spouses have left active service, online groups allow us to connect to friends in similar situations.

The best part is when our online friends turn into real life friends. With how often we move, the chances are good that one day soon you’ll bump into a Facebook friend IRL.

What medals, ribbons or awards do you think military spouses earn during their military life journey? Tell us in the comments section.

8 Photo Ops Every Military Couple Should Take Advantage Of

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When I was a kid, one of my favorite things to do on a rainy afternoon was to look through old family photo albums. Not many of us take the time anymore to print out duplicate prints and bind them up into a notebook-sized trip down memory lane, but we are still a culture of pictures.

There are milestone photos of the kids, of course. Then there’s the annual family photo and the wallet-sized school pictures.

But are you forgetting to take photos that document your relationship with your spouse or significant other too?

Just like keeping the stubs from the concert tickets you got for your birthday or the hand-painted trinket from your cruise last summer, photos with your spouse help you to remember the journey you’ve taken together. Whether you keep them in a three-ring binder or in a virtual photo bucket somewhere in the cloud, make sure you remember to point the camera lens at the two of you together.

8 Photo Ops Every Military Couple Should Take Advantage Of

A promotion is a big day in your service member’s career. Don’t forget to ask someone to snap a photo of the two of you.

Need some ideas for what pictures to take? Here are my top 8 photo opportunities all military couples should take advantage of:

Photos Documenting the Military Service Journey

Military service provides the security for your relationship, and quite frankly, nothing reminds me more of the reasons that made me fall in love with my husband than seeing him in uniform. My guess is I’m not the only one. So make sure you snap a photo or two of you and your spouse whenever you attend official military functions.

  • Promotions. This is a big day in every service member’s career, but it is also a milestone for your life together. Plus it gives you a great visual of the uniform evolution you’ve seen together. Don’t forget to take a photo at your service member’s reenlistment ceremonies too.
  • Graduations. They’ve put in the hours of work studying and training, and you’ve likely been left to manage the homefront so they can focus solely on advancement. Graduation photos are a way to celebrate a spouse’s military achievement.
  • Retirement. Like the light at the end of a very long tunnel, make sure you take the time to bask in the celebration that comes with retirement from military service. They’ve done the time in uniform, but you’ve been there too. A great photo of the two of you during the ceremony or the after celebration is a must-have photo.
  • Birthday Balls and Galas. It’s not often we get to call the military lifestyle glamorous, so take advantage while you can. Best part? These events often hire photographers, so all you have to do is show up and smile.
  • Farewells and Homecomings. These are some of the most important photos to have, not only for posterity, but to keep close during separations. Take the time to take a photo of every goodbye and every return. In those moments when the relationship requires a little extra work or distance brings loneliness, these photos are a great reminder of how much you mean to each other.
8 Photo Ops Every Military Couple Should Take Advantage Of

Take the time to take a photo of every goodbye and every military homecoming.

Photos Documenting Your Relationship Journey

There are the standard must-haves like wedding and anniversary photos, but those are one day out of the year and aren’t often a true representation of your life together. Annual family photos are a great way to make sure you capture the kids as they grow (and yourselves as you age!), but they don’t capture the candid, funny and intimate moments that make the everyday so special.

  • Laughing Together. There are some that say a relationship filled with laughter is one destined to last forever. Even if it’s a selfie or a quick pic taken by the passerby you snag at the park, make sure you capture a funny moment now and then.
  • Hobbies. If the two of you are known to tear up the dance floor, swing a mean backhand or cook up a 7-course feast, make sure you capture you and your significant other in action. Not only will it serve as a reminder of all the things you love to do together, but it’s a great way to capture how doing those things might change or have to be modified with each duty location. Tennis in Alaska anyone? How about skiing in Texas?
  • Travel. Seeing the world (or even various parts of the United States) is a huge perk of military service, so make sure you take advantage of it. And don’t forget to take your camera. While you are filling your SD card with images of castles in England, Mount Fuji, or the California coastline, don’t forget to jump into the frame with your spouse. Memories are often fleeting. A picture will help you remember how clear the sky was that day or how cold the wind was, and how amazing it felt to be there…together.

Do you love taking photos? Submit your favorite photo with your service member to MilitaryShoppers’ monthly photo contest today.

How a New State Residency Bill Benefits Military Spouses

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Military spouses may soon find filing taxes a little less confusing if H.R. 5428, the Military Residency Choice Act, is signed into law. The bill aims to make establishing and maintaining state residency much easier. Currently, the law can be very confusing and many families may be filing their taxes incorrectly without knowing it.

Under the Service Members Civil Relief Act, military service members can keep their residency in one state no matter where the military sends them. For the purposes of filing taxes, that means that if a service member enlisted in the Navy in Alabama and is currently stationed in Virginia they only pay income tax to Alabama, not Virginia.

It isn’t that simple for military spouses however. Prior to 2009, military spouses had to change their residency every time they moved to a different state with their service member. This made filing taxes and voting difficult. It prevented many military spouses from finding employment after each move.

In 2009, the Military Spouse Residency Relief Act (MSRRA) made maintaining residency in one state possible for military spouses. A military spouse simply had to establish residency in one state and was then able to keep that no matter what state the military sent them to next. The MSRRA does not allow military spouses to claim the residency of their service member however unless that was their state of residency when they were married. It also does not allow military spouses to randomly decide which state they will claim residency in.

Under the proposed Military Residency Choice Act military spouses will be able to use the same state of residence as their service member even if they have not lived in that state.

They will also be able to vote through absentee ballot for that state as well. This does not let military spouses keep their driver’s license from that state though; that is a state by state case.

H.R. 5428 specifically states:

The  spouse  of  a  service member may  elect  to  use  the  same  residence  for  purposes  of  taxation as the service member regardless of the date on which the  marriage  of  the  spouse  and  the  service member  occurred.

This bill is only in the early stages of the process of becoming law. It was introduced in the House of Representatives and referred to the House Committee on Veterans’ Affairs. If it does pass, it will go into effect 90 days after the enactment. That doesn’t help military spouses for this tax season, but perhaps by next year it will have passed.

In the meantime, ask yourself what the most beneficial option will be for your family.

Is your spouse’s state of residency one with harsher tax laws? Is it worth it to change your residency?

Seven states do not have personal income tax including: Alaska, Florida, Nevada, South Dakota, Texas, Washington and Wyoming. New Hampshire and Tennessee also do not have income tax, but they do have tax interest and dividends.

If you earn an income and your current residency is in Florida and your military service member maintains Alabama as their residence, it could be beneficial to maintain a Florida residency where there is no income tax. While the MSRRA and the proposed Military Residency Choice Act are intended to make taxes easier for military spouses, it may be wise to consult a tax specialist if you have questions.

Remember, you cannot choose a random state to be your state of residency. You must establish residence by living in that state and maintaining sufficient contacts in that state. That can include owning property in the state, holding professional licenses in that state and voting there as well.

What do you think of the proposed Military Residency Choice Act?

Why I Think Military Wives Are More Likely to Binge Drink

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Almost every military spouse I know indulges in wine, beer or liquor. Sometimes all 3. And we drink on the regular.

So the study from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) isn’t really a shock. SAMHSA found military wives are more likely to use and abuse alcohol than civilians. We’re only talking about wives because there were not a significant number of males who responded to the study.

The study found that 67.8% of responding military wives, ages 18-49, had used alcohol within a 30-day window. Among same age civilian women, 53.8% reported using alcohol. Military wives also tend to binge drink at higher rates than civilians, 31.5% compared to 22.7%.

The same study found that rates for illegal drug use were about the same for military wives and civilians, 12.8% compared to 12.9%. Military wives are less likely than civilians to use marijuana, 5.1% of military wives versus 8% of civilians.

The rates of drinking and drug use aren’t super surprising.

Our troops can’t use illegal drugs or even medical marijuana without risking their careers. Having a spouse that uses is not going to be looked on favorably. Especially since it’s been drilled into us that “our behavior reflects on our service member.” That’s for better or worse taken very seriously!

Drinking is an outlet for many service members and their spouses. It’s a way that we can unwind and escape reality for a little while. It’s almost taken for granted that booze is going to be consumed at military social gatherings. I don’t mean a six-pack either. We’re talking a keg.

For those who ARE taken back by these statistics, keep some things in mind.

We have been at war since 2001. That’s 15 straight years of combat deployments, extended overseas tours and knocks on the door. Put yourself in our collective shoes and try it on for size. Just for a day or a week.

You’re home, alone or with your children, and your spouse is a world away. You know he’s taking fire and if he’s not then someone else is engaged in battle. There is very little contact and every day brings news that another service member has been KIA. That next knock on the door could be at your house. Or your best friend’s house. Or someone in your neighborhood. It could be anyone and it’s going to be someone.

This is the reality that many military wives have been living for a decade and a half. We’ve been doing this back-to-back-to-back. And moving all over the globe, far from our own families and homes. Can I pour you a drink?

The operational tempo has impacted our mental health.

About 10% more military wives (29.1%) report mental health concerns than civilians (19.7%). No, there is no “official” correlation (yet) from the scientists who study these things. This is what I know.

It’s what I understand after moving 4 times in 8 years.

It’s how I felt during and after his year-long combat deployment.

What I know from having 2 children without my mother to lean on.

It’s what saying goodbye to countless friends does to a person.

It’s the experience of working so hard for a career or an education, just to have it yanked away because your husband got new orders or is deploying again.

Military life is not for the faint of heart and even the strongest of us can bend and break under the constant pressure.

It’s so easy to slip into a pattern of having a glass of wine at night, just to unwind or destress or relax. After a day of barely holding it together, it feels nice to have the world get a little fuzzy and rosé colored.

We are tightly wound.

So when we DO get the chance to let our hair down, it’s going to be epic. That means bar hopping, shots or even just one glass of wine too many. Our spouses are under a lot of pressure too. Plus, many units and bases have a culture of drinking, hard.

There are so many events that make drinking easier or even seemingly “required.” Birthday balls, homecomings, hail and farewell ceremonies, retirements, promotions and even just a neighborhood barbecue are all great excuses to drink. After all, it’s a party, right?

Alcohol is one of the leading ways that people self-medicate to deal with depression, anxiety or countless other mental health conditions.

So, a good time brings an excuse to let loose and to hide the way many military wives truly feel. For many of us, that good time comes with every girls night out, dinner with friends or Tuesday afternoon playdate.

We are young adults.

The SAMHSA study found that there were more military wives in the 18-25 age group than among most married women, ages 18-49. When many of our peers are off at college, we’re holding down on the homefront and managing a household. Having both done full-time college and run a household at a very young age, I can tell you that being an adult is harder than taking most college classes. There is no appealing the grade when you overdraw your checking account and can’t pay the electricity bill.

For many of us in the 18-25 age range, this is our first time away from home and cohabitating with another adult. We are young, immature in every sense of the word and still figuring it out. When you add in the other factors of stress, deployment and moving away from a support system, it’s no wonder that many young military wives drink.

Actually, college students drink heavily, too. And they are in that same 18-25 age bracket. Maybe the drinking isn’t quite so “shocking” when it’s framed that way instead.

Here’s take-away: military spouses drink and have mental health concerns, but we don’t do drugs.

It’s your turn: why do you think military wives are more likely to drink than their civilian counterparts?

Should Military Spouses Tag Along on TDYs?

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After 18 years as a military spouse, I’ve lived through my share of service-connected separations. Be it multi-month deployments or weeks-long TDYs, separations are a part of military life.

Some military spouses, especially those new to this lifestyle, often struggle with the idea of separation, even for a short period of time.

And while deployments don’t allow military spouses to visit troops in country, many spouses do make the decision to follow their service member while they are on temporary duty.

I certainly appreciate the desire to be near your spouse, especially when a separation comes after basic training or in conjunction with a PCS to a new duty station.

Should Military Spouses Tag Along on TDYs?

Few military spouses have the luxury of packing a bag and hitting the road. If you plan to follow your service member on temporary duty, you’ll need lots of lead time to prepare.

But before you pack a bag and make a long-term hotel reservation, here are a few things to consider.

Your Service Member’s Free Time May Be Limited

A TDY typically involves some kind of training or special mission requirements. As such, a service member’s free time may be limited or they might be restricted to the duty station or facility. They may also work odd hours or have homework that limits the amount of free time they have outside of work.

So what does that mean? You might find yourself sitting in a hotel room in a town you’ve never been to before with no spouse to keep you company and zero support network.

If you are prepared for the possibility of spending a lot of time alone, make sure you have something to focus your time and energy on in between the sporadic visits from your spouse. You may want to take an online class, write a book or volunteer for a local nonprofit organization.

Planning Ahead Is a Must

Few of us have the luxury of packing a bag and hitting the road. If you plan on following your service member on temporary duty, you’ll need lots of lead time to prepare.

If the TDY is in conjunction with a PCS, you may need to give notice to terminate a lease and schedule a household goods pack-out.

Reservations at many hotels around busy military installations may be limited or long-term stays and temporary or short-term rental properties may not always be available. If you have pets, availability may be limited even further.

It is tempting to throw caution to the wind and figure it out as you go. But consider the extra strain and stress on a service member if you are unable to secure living arrangements.

Training and focusing on the mission becomes infinitely harder if you are worried about your spouse sleeping in your car.

If you make the decision to accompany your spouse, don’t leave the planning to the last minute. Plan to have a conversation about expectations. Try to talk to other service members about services and facilities available for a short-term relocation. Have a plan B in the event that a 3-week course suddenly becomes 6 weeks.

TDY Life May Be Costly

Perhaps the biggest consideration for a short-term relocation for military spouses is budget. Can you afford to quit your job or take a leave of absence, for the duration of the TDY?

Don’t forget that you may find additional costs associated with living out of your suitcase. If your living arrangements don’t include a kitchen or a washer and dryer, make sure you include those costs into your monthly budget.

The seasoned spouse in me wants to tell my fellow military spouses contemplating one of these temporary relocations to reconsider.

That the potential strain to relationships and budgets aren’t worth the occasional opportunity to see your spouse. That being alone in a new place without the benefit of a unit to turn to in times of need is time better spent in a familiar place or with family.

But instead, I will simply say this — Military life affords us ample opportunities for adventure and promises countless nights will be spent counting down to a reunion.

Separations are never easy, but we can and do learn to persevere through them. We must each make decisions about what is best for us and our families. If you decide this kind of move is right for you, be smart about your reasons and be fair in your expectations.

Have you ever moved to a location temporarily while your service member was conducting training or a short assignment there?

Spring Case Lot Sales Are Happening!

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Have you been waiting with bated breath for the spring Customer Appreciation Case Lot Sales?  Good news!  They’re here and as most of our fellow military families know very well, now’s the time to

Stock Up and Save!

This spring is no different, if you’re looking to load up on great items at great prices, the National Case Lot Sales event at your local Commissary is the place to do it.  This year, the Defense Commissary Agency is hosting a Customer Appreciation Case Lot Sale at each Commissary nationwide, including those in Alaska, Hawaii and Puerto Rico. With savings at a maximum, Case Lot Sales are widely anticipated.

When is the Case Lot Sale?

Visit the Case Lot Sale store dates page for your local commissary sale dates.

What items will you see at a Case Lot Sale?

The Case Lot Sales offer items that you typically find at club stores, as well as individually packaged items that can be bought in bulk.  These sales are a great opportunity to stock up on a wide variety of pantry items at extremely discounted prices.  See DeCA’s list of product categories here.

What kind of savings can you expect?

Case Lot Sale commissary shoppers can bolster a savings of “up to 50%” according to DeCA’s Director of Sales, Tracie Russ.

Overseas?

Commissaries overseas will not be officially participating in Case Lot Sales, but commissary customers in Europe and the Pacific may benefit from similar style savings at  “sidewalk sales.”

Don’t miss out on your local commissaries Case Lot Sales! For additional information on the spring Customer Appreciation Case Lot Sales, please visit the DeCA website.

 

Tricare Covers Breast Pumps at No Cost for New Mothers

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It was 7 years ago when I walked into the Tricare representative’s office at the Naval hospital in Okinawa and asked this question:

How can I get a breast pump?

At the time I was pregnant with my oldest and stationed in Japan. My civilian friends who had recently had babies told me to save my money and to not buy a breast pump. Their insurance companies paid for their breast pumps and surely, Tricare would pay for mine.

Negative.

The Tricare rep kindly explained to me that no, at that time, Tricare didn’t cover breast pumps. I was disappointed (especially considering how many military couples were having 2-baby tours on Okinawa), but accepted the policy.

Since then Tricare has changed their policy.

Tricare now covers breast pumps and breast pump supplies for new mothers who have a prescription from a Tricare-authorized physician, physician assistant, nurse practitioner or nurse midwife. This policy went into effect in July 2015.

This policy change is also retroactive, so if you purchased a breast pump since December 19, 2014, you can submit a claim for reimbursement.

How do I get Tricare to pay for my breast pump?

The first step is to get a prescription.

This prescription must be from a Tricare-authorized health care provider. See the list above. Make a copy of your prescription for your records. Your prescription shouldn’t be for a specific manufacturer, brand or model number, but it must show if you’re getting a basic manual or standard electric pump, according to the Tricare guidelines.

If you qualify for a hospital-grade pump, Tricare advises that you work with your provider and your regional contractor to get a referral and authorization.

Once you get your prescription, the next step is to decide how you plan to get your breast pump.

The Tricare guidelines said “If you don’t want to pay up front, contact your regional contractor to find a network provider or supplier. You need to show your prescription.” In this case, you won’t need to file a claim.

If you are willing and able to pay for your breast pump upfront, you can buy it from any breast pump supplier. There isn’t a list of approved providers. That means you can buy it from any of the following:

  • Post Exchange (PX), Base Exchange (BX), or Station Exchange run by the The Army/Air Force Exchange Service (AAFES); The Department of the Navy; The United States Marine Corps; or The United States Coast Guard
  • Civilian stateside and overseas retail stores (such as Walmart, Target, Babies”R”Us, CVS)
  • Online store (such as Amazon.com, Overstock.com; standard shipping and handling is covered)

You won’t need to show your prescription at the time of purchase. Make a copy of your receipt and save it. You’ll need it when you file your claim for reimbursement.

Let’s say you choose to get your breast pump through a military clinic or hospital, then simply follow their procedures.

How do you file a claim for your breast pump?

For those of you who plan to buy a pump or have paid for one out-of-pocket since December 19, 2014, complete a DD Form 2642, attach a copy of your prescription and receipt and then mail it to your Tricare claims processor. Your reimbursement check is mailed to you.

Besides breast pumps, the policy also includes breast pump supplies. You can get these items before or after delivery. Here is a list of what is covered:

  • Standard power adapters
  • Tubing and tubing adaptors
  • Locking rings
  • Bottles (that are used with the breast pump, not regular baby bottles)
  • Bottle caps
  • Shield/splash protectors
  • Storage bags

Tricare doesn’t pay for extra breast pump batteries, nursing bras, over-the-counter creams, ointments and other products that relieve breastfeeding-related symptoms or breast pump cleaning supplies.

This policy applies to all Tricare-eligible female beneficiaries. It is available to you no matter which Tricare plan you use (Tricare Prime, Standard, Reserve Select, U.S. Family Health Plan, etc.) or your sponsor’s status (active, retired or Guard/Reserve).

Tricare covers one breast pump per birth event. If you received a breast pump when you were pregnant last year and you are pregnant again, you can get a new breast pump.

What questions do you have about getting a breast pump through Tricare?

How the Proposed Military Family Stability Act May Affect PCS Season

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The Senate Appropriations Subcommittee recently had a hearing on a bipartisan bill that was originally introduced to Congress in October. This bill is known as the Military Family Stability Act of 2015. Sen. Roy Blunt, R-Mo. introduced the bill with cosponsors Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, D-N.Y., Sen. Mazie Hirono, D-Hawaii, and Sen. Richard Burr, R-N.C.

The point of the Military Family Stability Act is to ease the burden of a PCS for military spouses and family members.

All of these senators along with high ranking military officials agree that legislation needs to be created to provide a framework to help military families have stability in their lives and that the Military Family Stability Act may help this.

How the Proposed Military Family Stability Act May Affect PCS Season

The Military Family Stability Act is intended to give military families flexibility when a PCS takes place.

As we all know, the one constant in military life is that anything can change at any time. Verbal orders for a PCS aren’t set in stone. You get excited, or not, about a move only to have it changed in a blink of the eye. When you finally get orders on paper families can feel a bit more confident that a move is coming up. Still, things happen and the active duty service member might not PCS at the scheduled time.

All of this instability can create an uneasy situation at home.

Chief of Staff of the Army, General Mark Milley, stated that having stability on the homefront is crucial to operational readiness and that the Military Family Stability Act could potentially help reach those goals. Specifically, he said,

If we want our soldiers to be ready to focus on his combat tasks and training; or when deployed, to focus on the enemy; then we owe that soldier to make sure that their family is being taken care of with good schools, good health care, that the spouse has a job.

The Military Family Stability Act is intended to give military families flexibility when a PCS takes place. It would allow them to leave their current location up to 6 months ahead of the service member’s report date to their new assignment or to stay behind up to 6 months after the service member relocates.

This Military Family Stability Act would allow families to continue to get the housing allowance at the current location with dependents while the service member would receive temporary unaccompanied housing or compensation at their current location. The Military Family Stability Act would particularly help families with working spouses or children in school.

Uprooting your life, especially when you’ve found a job you like or your children are in the middle of a school year can be frustrating. The Military Family Stability Act would allow families to continue in the current location to finish a job or school year. In turn, it would give spouses time to look for new employment and to scout out new schools.

There are some exemptions, but to be eligible for this:

  • The spouse must be employed or enrolled in a degree, certificate or license-granting program at the beginning of the covered relocation period.
  • The service member and spouse have one or more children in school.
  • The spouse or children are covered under the Exceptional Family Member Program.
  • The service member or spouse is caring for an immediate family member with a chronic or long-term illness.
  • The service member is undergoing a PCS as an individual augmentee or other deployment arrangement.

Army Secretary Patrick Murphy spoke up at the meeting stating that life has become harder for military families since 9/11. He argued that,

It’s the families that have borne the cost, and have been really stressed. We’re trying to do everything possible to make sure that they know that we are committed as an Army team and an Army family.

Everyone on the committee agrees that treating families with respect and taking care of their needs are big factors service members take into consideration when deciding to stay in the military. Hopefully, the Military Family Stability Act will be able to make that decision an easier one.

What do you think of the Military Family Stability Act?

4 Positive New Year’s Resolutions for MilSpouses

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With the New Year less than a week away, resolutions are one of the first things that come to mind. It gives us a reason to start something new or get back on track with something that has been a project of ours for awhile.

The New Year is the perfect opportunity for us to reevaluate our lives. Resolutions aren’t for everyone and can be argued that military spouses should ditch it because our lifestyle is so fluid. It could be difficult to stick to a big commitment, especially if an unexpected PCS comes along or deployment.

As military spouses, I encourage exploring unique New Year’s resolutions that are perfectly tailored for the military lifestyle. Instead of focusing on what to “fix” with our lives, let’s create resolutions that bring out the best of military life.

4 Positive New Year’s Resolutions that Military Spouses Should Make in 2016

4 Positive New Year's Resolutions for Military Spouses

What’s your New Year’s resolution for 2016?

Revisit or create your duty station bucket list.

My husband and I made a huge Washington, D.C., bucket list when we first arrived. We were excited for the opportunity to go around and see all the history in our nation’s capital. Flash-forward almost 2 years now, we’ve only scraped the surface. It was just a month ago that my husband was able to visit the National Mall as a tourist, instead of quickly passing it by.

We’ve also gotten comfortable with our favorite places and would continue to go to them when we had free time (i.e. Shenandoah National Park) but there are so many other wonderful parks nearby too! Really, we should take our free time to cross off more points on our duty station bucket list.

In 2016, we’re going to revisit this list and make sure we’re on track to finish it completely before orders come our way. With that said, military spouses should take a look at their duty station bucket lists too.

Try a new activity.

I’ve met lots of truly amazing military spouses in my journey that have opened my eyes to some new activities. I recently participated in a painting party that was arranged by a local military spouse. It sounds silly, but I was nervous going into it at first because I don’t have much artistic ability. I had so much fun painting though!

Whether it’s a painting party or playing a new sport, a new activity is a wonderful way to engage with your local friends and maybe add another hobby to your list. Next time a military spouse invites you to a new activity, say yes and give it a shot!

Volunteer for something you are passionate about.

Military spouses love to give back to the community. I’ve witnessed that as a military kid and now as a military spouse. There are so many wonderful organizations out there that benefit our community.

It’s a natural addition to a military spouses’ resolution list.

I spend my free time volunteering at the local spouses’ club fundraising for dependent scholarships. It really gives me fulfillment to dedicate my time to help military spouses and children achieve higher education.

Travel to someplace new or unexpected.

I advocate for traveling. I blame my parents for giving me wanderlust as a military kid. It’s really opened my eyes to the world and has given me an appreciation for other cultures, even within the United States.

Yes, the military helps your wanderlust by stationing you at new locations every handful of years. Another great opportunity for military spouses to travel is tagging along for a TDY for at least part of the time (that’s how we saw the Grand Canyon).

But, don’t take your spouse’s leave time for granted either! Plan time to visit family and friends and take time off for a much needed vacation too.

My husband and I have been planning at least a week away at a new location every year we’ve known each other. This past year we went to Alaska, the year before that the Caribbean and we’re planning to go to New Zealand in 2016.

What’s your New Year’s resolution for 2016?

10 Situations that Hurt a MilSpouse Friendship

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Have you ever had a friendship with a military spouse end? It hurts. Sometimes it is something you have done that you feel terrible about. Other times it is something someone else has done. Sometimes the death of the friendship is just circumstances and the way things have to be.

Here are 10 situations that can kill a military spouse friendship and how to avoid them.

10 Situations that Can Kill a Military Spouse Friendship (And How to Avoid Them)

What do you find are the factors that may end a friendship among military spouses?

1. Being Friends with the Commanding Officer’s Wife

We always say that rank shouldn’t matter among military spouses, however, in some cases it does. Can you really be friends with the commanding officer’s wife?

When I was in Germany meeting the high-ranking officers’ wives was easy to do because of how small the post was. I made friends with them but not in the same way I could have been friends with other spouses. There is a little bit of a line there. Sometimes a friendship can die out because you just can’t take things any further because of rank.

On the other hand, if military spouses know where that line is, you can still be friends and learn a lot from one another.

2. Being Friends with Your Neighbors

Making friends with your neighbors makes sense. Doing so means you have people that live near you that you can depend on.

However, if something comes up in the neighborhood, the situation can kill a friendship.

I have seen this happen quite a few times. The best thing to do is always be a good neighbor, don’t cause drama with other military spouses and remember that everyone should be treated with respect.

3. Too Much Gossip

I know I am guilty of gossip, we all are. Nothing will kill a friendship faster than hearing that your friend is talking bad about you. Hearing that hurts your soul and makes you feel like your friendship wasn’t real to begin with. Try to stop gossiping yourself and be a better friend than that.

4. Moving

This one is hard. A friend moves away – like military spouses always do – and life isn’t the same anymore. The friendship changes and for some the friendship dies. In my experience, when a friend moves away, in order to keep the friendship alive both people have to try to keep up communicating with each other. If one of the friends doesn’t do that the friendship will die.

5. Your Children Don’t Get Along

You might have a friend who is perfect for you but things can fall apart if your kids don’t get along. Military spouses spend a lot of time hanging out together with their kids. If there is trouble there, the friendship might not be able to last. In some cases there isn’t much you can do about this other than getting together without the kids.

6. Your Spouses Don’t Get Along

Just like with the children, sometimes friendships fall apart when spouses don’t get along. Everything might be fine during a deployment but once the spouses return things can get a little tense and getting together might be more difficult. This is a hard place to be in. You would have to just hang out without your spouses around.

7. Becoming Too Busy

Sometimes two military spouses can be friends, get together often and then one or both of them become busy. This can cause the friendship to fall apart. One of the friends might be wanting to get together and the other doesn’t have time anymore. If you feel like you are too busy all of a sudden, still try to make plans with your friends. You don’t want to lose them because of how busy you are.

8. One Deploys, One Does Not

Military spouses can be friends going through military life together when one of their spouses deploys and everything changes. This doesn’t always have to be the case but sometimes jealousy can take over and the friend with the deployed spouse might try to fade away.

The best thing to do is to understand that your friend could be hurting because their spouse is gone and yours is not.

9. Leaving People Out

I have been in situations where we had a group of friends and then people split up. They decided to get together and leave others out. Try not to leave people out on purpose if it’s possible to include them in your get-togethers. Not all military spouses have to be invited everywhere but if you suddenly stop inviting people when you used to do so, they are going to notice.

10. Having a Baby

If two military spouses were friends for a while and then one has a baby, the friendship can change and even die. This happens because the one that had the baby is now in a different stage of life. In order to avoid this both friends need to understand the change and embrace it.

What do you find are the factors that may end a friendship among military spouses?