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5 Important Things You Can Do to Save Your Military Marriage

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Military spouses, almost immediately after saying “I do,” realize that being married to a service member brings its own unique challenges. Aside from unexpected moves, forced separation and countless other military-related things, we also know a marriage in itself can create difficult challenges.

Last month, I shared with you 5 Things That Can Destroy a Military Marriage. It was a list identifying specific actions that cause problems in our relationships, particularly those married to service members.

Again, I turned to my parents for inspiration on the things we can do to help us nurture and ultimately save a military marriage. Here’s what I learned.

5 Important Things You Can Do to Save Your Military Marriage

Don’t take your cohabiting time for granted! Dedicate quality time for the two of you.

In a military marriage, it’s important to:

1. Communicate with each other. I think it’s one of the biggest things you should do. How many of us like to complain? I’m totally guilty of it and it’s totally natural to get annoyed and shut down. But when we shut down and stay silent, we stop communicating with our service member. That’s not good in a military marriage.

Most of the things that can destroy your marriage can be resolved by communicating and listening.

If you approach every conversation with an open heart and mind, communicating with your spouse can help clear a lot of conflict. Remember to be understanding and use this dialogue between to find a compromise. Because of how important it is to listen to each other, speak taking turns, so you don’t overpower each other.

Also, don’t let distance stop you. Even if your spouse is away, use the form of communication that is available. The Internet was how my husband and I spoke to each other while he was overseas and it helped us work through our issues.

2. Compliment your partner. In addition to openly communicating, it’s just as important to compliment each other in the things that we do love about each other. Compliment on things that are done for you and also on “just because” things.

I’m a sucker for my husband’s smile and if you know him, you know that his smile doesn’t appear that often (he’s quite a serious dude). So, at the moments I see that smile from ear to ear, I tell him how much I love seeing it. As a result, I actually see that smile a lot more– must be a subliminal thing!

Don’t let it stop at physical compliments. Take it to an emotional level too. It’s said that complimenting increases self-confidence and self-worth, so it’s a great way to strengthen your bond.

3. Date each other. We all know that separation is difficult. It can even create distance when you and your spouse are back together because we get used to our solo routine. Don’t take your cohabiting time for granted! Dedicate quality time for the two of you. Whether you and your spouse agree to try a brand-new activity or do something that is near and dear to both of you, it’s really important to keep the romance alive.

4. Allow for space. It is a little weird to say that being alone is important after encouraging you to communicate and date, but maintaining your own personal space gives you and your partner the necessary downtime needed to recharge and get your mind back on track. Alone time allows me to reflect on my relationships. As a result, my marriage is stronger because of the balance I have with myself and my husband.

5. Embrace each other and military life. First, physical contact can remind us of the love we have for our spouse. There is something special about the warmth of a hug or the touch of a hand. For me, it’s soothing. The mere thought of hugging my husband makes me feel happy.

Second, you must choose to embrace your marriage and the military. Let’s be honest, some disputes might actually stem from an extenuating military circumstance. I can’t tell you how many times that I’ve been downright upset or confused (sometimes I mix the two) because of a military-related decision. You both can blame each other for what the military throws your way. Instead, embrace the lifestyle together.

What’s the best piece of marriage advice you’ve ever received?

8 Signs You Were a Military Brat

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Nearly 29 years ago, I was born in a hospital on Shaw Air Force Base and started my journey as a military brat. For the next 18 years, I was dragged (sometimes kicking and screaming), through the military lifestyle from one side of the world to the other and back again. Plus, a couple of moves here and there stateside.

At the time, I thought military life was tiring, stressful and sad, especially for the “see you laters” when the military would send my dad away. But, I’ve come to realize that the experience made me value every little thing and embrace the lifestyle as a military spouse.

Besides being moved here, there and everywhere, there are a handful of unique qualities that military kids share.

8 Signs You Were a Military Brat

Photo Credit: Lauren Nygard Photography

You know you’re a military kid when…

  1. You don’t know how to answer, where are you from? Yes, I was born in South Carolina, but PCSed to the Philippines when I was 2 months old. 8 Signs You Were a Military BratAnd let’s not get me started on all the other moves afterward. Answering where are you from becomes a huge and elaborate monologue. Now, I just say Texas. That’s where my parents are and that’s where I graduated high school. Good for me.
  2. You have friends and family all over the world. With each move, our family grew. It’s so wonderful to have people that are from and live in so many different parts of the world. It gives the opportunity to learn from so many different cultures and traditions. And that brings me to my next point…
  3. You love adventure! I like to think that being a military kid gave me wanderlust. I desire and enjoy exploring and seeing new places and things. The military kind of forces adventure on you, but at the end of the day, despite how scary it can be, military life is also thrilling. Once my father retired, we still visited installations around the United States and managed to vacation at some awesome hotspots.
  4. You have a strong sense of pride. When my family settled in Texas, I attended a civilian school because we lived about 20 miles from base. It wasn’t a common occurrence to have military kids in your classroom. I was very proud and still am about my dad’s service and my mom’s support. They both are wonderful role models to me and I look forward to them being strong role models for my own military kids, when the time comes. The pride overflows to the whole military community too. Even before I met my husband, I always had that respect for men and women in uniform.8 Signs You Were a Military Brat
  5. You can “go with the flow” better than your civilian counterpart. Change is difficult. But, resilience is one of the strongest virtues of military kids. We’re young, adaptable and understanding (for the most part…). And because we have to, we learn to go on and appreciate what we have and love it.
  6. You LOVE (or in my case, loved) Take Your Kids to Work day! I know this depends on your school district, but when I was a kiddo, I loved going to my dad’s work! We got to see fighter planes in action and pretended to be a part of briefings, not to mention walk on the tarmac. How cool was that? Sorry Mom, accounting wasn’t nearly as fun.
  7. You own a wardrobe for every climate (or it’s a work in progress). Down coat, check! Galoshes, check! Board shorts, check! Tank top, check! Before we moved to Texas, we were in Utah, where the snow would exceed my height. My parents made sure to keep everything (within reason) that would benefit another move to the cold. You never know!
  8. You think homecomings are the best thing ever. I don’t know about you, but I think homecomings are awesome times a thousand. 8 Signs You Were a Military BratNo matter what, who, when, where…even if it’s just with friends you haven’t seen in awhile. There is just something beautiful and perfect about seeing a loved one after an extended amount of time. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world.

Were you a military brat? Did we miss anything on this list? Tell us in the comments section.

5 Things That Can Destroy a Military Marriage

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Marriage is work and done with the right attitude it’s fulfilling work.

5 Things That Can Destroy a Military Marriage

How does military life put a strain on your marriage?

Despite all the love you and your spouse have for each other, a marriage still challenges the dynamic between the two of you. It’s only natural to experience conflict, particularly with the one person that you are closest to in your life.

I’ve been taking notes from my parents’ marriage for the longest time– witnessing their good and bad times–and seeing that at the end of every struggle, they find resolution and remember the love they have for each other.

I’ve also witnessed and have firsthand experience with the particular obstacles military marriages encounter.

Sometimes I feel like the military is an unofficial third wheel in my relationship.

Based on what I’ve learned so far, there are certain instances that can strain your relationship, especially with your spouse in the military like:

  1. Never comprising. The military forces us to comprise at times (or another phrase I use is “adjust fire”). We have to adjust fire when we get thrown surprise orders or an unexpected duty. Military spouses need to have a flexible mindset or else, it will be a difficult life. Compromise allows you to find a common ground and can offer a sense of comfort. Make it something you both can stand behind.
  2. Lacking understanding. Understanding is another big factor that should take precedent in a military relationship because the type of compromise you want may be difficult to find. For example, my husband goes out of town for professional development a lot of times and asks that I give him space to study. It’s hard for me to leave him alone because I miss him, but instead of getting upset, I use that opportunity to work on my own personal goals.
  3. Thinking only about yourself. I’ve always been taught that a relationship is a two-way street and to expect as much back as you put forward. If it’s constantly about yourself or even your husband, it doesn’t make it fair to each other. As military spouses, we may have to actually consider our spouses’ career on a high level, but I’ve experienced that even your career can be a two-way street with adding a dash of compromise into the equation. Focusing strictly on one person doesn’t help the relationship as a whole because it could feel belittling to the other party.
  4. Forgetting why you fell in love. Deployments. TDYs. Field exercises. There are several factors that separate us from our loved one. During those times, we go on. We learn to live life in a way that keeps us fulfilled. Don’t get me wrong, my husband’s absence does make me feel crazy. When our spouses’ come back, it’s a whole reintegration period that each person experiences, so be patient and remember why you fell in love!
  5. Resenting the military. I admit that I have moments where I raise my fists in the air and ask “why?!” But, what good does that really do? Nothing. It’s just temporary relief. I can’t constantly harp on the military for everything bad. That isn’t resolving the situation. It’s adding stress and unnecessary tension on your spouses’ choice to join the military.

What obstacles do you think military couples face?

Stay tuned for our follow-up article in April, “5 Things You Can Do to Save Your Military Marriage.”

How to Work Out Without a Gym Membership

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I recently joined a gym but it was the first time I have been in a place where I could do so. Up until now I have had to find ways to workout from home with my kids around. This was no easy task.

Whether it was because of where we lived, lack of childcare options with a deployed husband or lack of extra funds to pay for a gym membership, I had to figure out ways to do so on my own. I couldn’t rely on going to a gym a few times a week.

How to Work Out Without a Gym Membership

The first thing I did was invest in a few workout videos. I knew I could do these at home and work around my kid’s schedule. I found that once I got into a good habit of watching them I started to see success. There are a lot of different choices on videos and programs you can get for home.

You don’t have to always buy them either. A lot of libraries offer copies and some can even be found on Netflix. You might want to try a few different types of videos before you decide on one that really works for you.

Another way I was able to workout with kids around was by using my stroller. My older two boys are just over 2 years apart so when they were little I used a double stroller. I tried to take them out everyday for at least a half an hour but sometimes a lot longer than that. I found it easy for me to put them in the stroller and go, no matter what was going on. I could do it whether my husband was home or overseas and it didn’t depend on him, which was nice.

I have recently heard about a great program called Stroller Warriors. You can find this program at many different military bases. They host weekday morning runs as well as other physical activities you can take part in. You can always bring your children which is the best part. You don’t have to worry about childcare or what you will do with them when you are working out. Besides group exercise like this is also a great way to make some new friends. Both for you and your children. It is always nice to be able to make mom friends doing something that you enjoy. Stroller Warriors also does a lot of outreach and fundraising which is a great way to give back to your community. You can view a list of their chapters on their website.

How to Work Out Without a Gym Membership

When you first become a mom it can seem very overwhelming to try to balance the needs of your baby with your own needs. After a few weeks, most moms feel like they should get back to a workout schedule but it might be a bit of a challenge to do so.

My best advice would be to see what you have available to you and go from there. Most people have a living room or other area that they can work out in. Come up with a good schedule, find a workout buddy and get back to working out on a regular basis. You will be glad that you did.

What are your cost-saving exercise tips? Share them in the comments section.

5 Sweet Valentine’s Day Care Package Ideas

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Ideas for Valentine's Day Care PackagesValentine’s Day is quickly approaching and if your love is deployed, sending a care package ahead of time will help them celebrate the day no matter where they are serving. Romantic holidays such as this can be a very emotional time and planning a sweet surprise can help turn the day into something special. Sending a well thought out care package is a fantastic way to let your service member know that they mean the world to you. Here are 5 ideas for sweet Valentine’s Day care packages.

Sweet Beginnings

Pictures and mementos from when you first met are always a great way to bring a smile to your loved one. Start this Valentine’s Day care package by decorating the box. You can make it quick and easy by just drawing hearts and xoxo’s or make it an elaborately decorated box with scrapbook paper, stickers and more.

Add sentimental items that will draw emotion such as a small stuffed animal your service member won for you at the fair, ticket stubs to a concert he/she surprised you with or something you kept from your first date.

Then add a sweet card followed by some actual sweets. Sweet tarts, chocolates (if you aren’t sending this care package to a hot climate), brownies and cookies are a few ideas.Ideas for Valentine's Day Care Packages

Never Ending Love

This care package would be ideal for a romantic person. Decorate the inside of the box and fill it with hearts. Add in romantic movies such as Love Actually, Sleepless in Seattle and Gone with the Wind. The Never Ending Story, while not romantic, goes with the theme and they might need a light-hearted classic after all. Write a love letter, a real love letter letting your significant other know your true emotions. Write about how you felt the first time they said “I love you” or when you knew you were in love. Put in a picture of the two of you from a romantic moment, maybe when they proposed or just watching the sunset together. Finish the box with sweets for him/her to snack on while reading your letter or watching a romantic movie. This could include Hershey Kisses (if you aren’t sending this to a very hot climate), Cherry Lovers Hearts, candy sweetheart roses, strawberry and cherry gummy hearts and sweet conversation hearts. You might even include a travel size Kleenex packet.

Ideas for Valentine's Day Care Package

Hot & Spicy

For the wild, hot and spicy couple this box is for you. Fill the box with spicy candy such as Red Hots, Fireballs, Big Red gum, cinnamon hearts and spiced tea. Check what customs allows for food to be sent and if it’s allowed, include a jar of hot peppers. You can put in a few heat wraps for sore muscles as a nice gesture. Decorate the box with chili peppers, zebra stripes or flaming hearts. Add a few hot pictures of yourself, nothing X-rated mind you. Make your own card with some of the same decorations and write about some of the wild nights you’ve shared together and the ones you’re looking forward to having after the homecoming.

Ideas for Valentine's Day Care PackagesYou Complete Me

This is a great Valentine’s Day care package for young love or young at heart. Include a few puzzles. You can create personalized puzzles with your own pictures on Shutterfly. Send ping pong paddles and balls with a note attached that says “You are the ping to my pong.” A few boxes of Kraft macaroni and cheese with a note saying “You are the cheese to my mac” is also cute and funny, not to mention delicious. Movies are always welcome gifts and you can choose your favorite and add a note saying “You are the Harry to my Sally,” or the main characters in your favorite romantic movie. Make sure you put in a letter saying how you both complement each other. Fill the rest of the box with sweet treats that you can’t have just one of such as: Twix, KitKats, M&M’s, Reese’s Pieces, jelly beans and gummy bears.

Love in Photos

With the ability to take digital pictures and instantly post them to social media or send them directly to anyone, physical pictures have become scarce. There’s just nothing like having a physical picture to hold however. Go through old photos and new ones and have them printed. This could include pictures from when you first met, your wedding or special occasion, the birth of your child and family vacations. Decorate the box with photos of just the two of you at significant times in your life. Put in a few scrapbooks and make them as simple or elaborate as you want. Add a few personalized sweet treats to complete the care package. Did  you know you can put your own picture on M&M’s? You can also put a picture on candy tins and add your own sweet treats.

These are just a few ideas for Valentine’s Day care packages. What have you sent to your loved one in the past?

What’s This Surcharge on My Commissary Receipt?

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There are many great reasons to shop at your military commissary and saving money on groceries is usually No. 1. The commissary is able to sell products on average for 30 percent less than those at civilian grocery stores because all items are sold at cost. This is a great savings for customers, but some still question the real savings when they see the 5 percent surcharge added at the checkout.

Why is there a surcharge at the commissary and what does it cover?

It goes right back into the stores, paying for new construction, renovations and repairs, equipment and store-level information technology systems such as the checkouts. This provides modern facilities for service members at a reduced cost to taxpayers.

According to the Defense Commissary Agency, “the surcharge does not diminish commissary savings, because it is included in our savings calculations along with any state sales tax applied at the retail grocery stores, to show how much our customers actually save at the register.”

The surcharge isn’t new. In fact, Congress set the surcharge in 1952 at 2 percent in order to make commissaries more self-sustaining and less reliant on appropriated funding. It was raised three more times over the years and has stayed at 5 percent since 1983. This surcharge covers all stateside and overseas commissaries now.

The law requires the surcharge to be added to all items sold at the commissary and is therefore applied to the total purchase before coupon deductions are made. For example, if you have $50 worth of groceries before coupons then the 5 percent surcharge would be applied as $50 x .05 = $2.50. If you then have $10 worth in coupons the total at the end of your bill will be $50 + $2.50 surcharge = $52.50 – $10 =$42.50

The next time you buy groceries at the commissary look at your receipt. That surcharge is the amount you personally contributed to improve your commissary.

What changes have you noticed at your local military commissary? Do you have questions about the commissary? Ask us in the comment section below.

Expect the Unexpected and More Valuable Advice for Soon-to-Be Military Spouses

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The holidays bring a lot of joy and excitement, including engagements and marriages. My husband and I got married in a courtroom 3 days before Christmas and a week before overseas orders in 2012.

Months before our wedding, my husband PCSed from Fort Drum and I tagged along for the almost cross-country move from New York to Arizona. I had a feeling that he would propose sometime during our trip (spoiler alert, he did propose at the end of the trip and I said “yes”).

Now, 3 years after saying “I do,” I’ve learned a whole lot, and I admit, I still have a whole lot to learn. In my father’s 20+ year career, I’ve witnessed the challenges of my rock star mother and she would always tell me to live day by day. I take that advice to heart and look to her for guidance and strength. The most important lesson I’ve learned so far is that despite all the trials and/or difficulties military life could bring, its community is the most loving, understanding and powerful asset for military spouses. We’re all in this crazy life together!

Expect the Unexpected and More Valuable Advice for Soon-to-Be Military Spouses

 

Here is a sampling of important advice I’ve learned as a military spouse:

  1. Question Everything. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and really, you should be asking a lot of questions. There are a lot of moving parts with the military (ie., PCS, Tricare, retirement), so asking a lot of questions will ensure you understand this lifestyle better.
  2. Open Your Mind. There will be days when you scratch your head at the military, but don’t lose sight of the bigger picture. For example, things can change at a moment’s notice or there might be some rules that don’t make any sense to you. Be sure you keep an open mind.
  3. Expect the Unexpected. Nothing is set in stone. Orders can change and TDYs pop-up whenever.
  4. Expect Stereotypes. People may judge you inside and outside the military community. When I started dating my husband, people wondered why. There is a stigma with people that decide to join the military. There is also a stigma with newbie spouses. Don’t let anything or anyone get you down as you continue to grow within the military community because that isn’t a reflection of everyone. There are so many people out there that are kind and helpful. I’ve never experienced any negativity, but it’s out there.
  5. Find the Compromise. When the military threw the curveball of an overseas assignment at my husband before our nuptials, I really wanted the “dream” wedding– nothing big, just something with my dad walking me down the aisle and my family and friends there. So, we arranged for a courthouse ceremony first and the traditional church wedding at my childhood church when his assignment was over. It ended up being perfect for us. Compromise is your mantra.
  6. Keep Your Sense of Self Worth. No matter what, don’t lose sight of yourself! Take the time to do things that make you special and happy.

Are you engaged to a service member? What questions do you have about military life?

SCOUT Military Discounts App Makes Finding Discounts Easy

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SCOUT Military Discounts App Makes Finding Discounts EasySCOUT Military Discounts is a fantastic app available for both iOS and Android devices. With more than 125,000 military discounts SCOUT Military Discounts will be your go-to app for all military discounts. Googling military discounts and asking business owners if they offer a military discount will instantly be a thing of the past once you download this app.

The mission of SCOUT is simple: to make every military discount easily accessible to those who deserve it (including your favorite “mom & pop” shops without websites). Our goal is to have this valuable information at the fingertips of the entire military community.

The app is user-friendly, even the least tech savvy user will be able to navigate through it quickly and easily. There is a search feature that lets you find local discounts listed in proximity to your location. You can type in a specific company to see if they offer a discount or browse individual categories. It isn’t limited to retail shops and restaurants; it also includes hotels and travel-related discounts such as rental cars. Auto shops, pet services, photo discounts and more are listed as well.

If you come across a discount, whether online or in-store, you can add the discount to the app. There is a link at the bottom of the home page. Each discount added is verified before being added to the database. This ensures all discounts are properly listed so that they may be utilized fully and accurately. You can also add businesses through SCOUT’s website.

The app has a map view to make finding local discounts easier. Each red flag is a business offering a military discount. Simply tap on the flag to reveal the discount and business information. Tapping once again will take you to a business contact page. From there you can contact the company or get directions to it. This is such a timesaver as it opens in Maps and gives you instant directions.

Another great feature of SCOUT is its USO location finder. Type in a city and it will give you directions to that USO center. There are over 160 locations in 27 states so you are sure to find one near your military instillation. Finding military discounts is fantastic and finding a USO to rest and rejuvenate while getting connected with family is wonderful.

If finding an unbelievable amount of military discounts and USO locations isn’t enough, make sure to keep SCOUT in mind for Veterans Day each year. The app boasts a large list of military freebies offered by businesses that day. This will be great to have at your fingertips, especially since there were hundreds of free meal deals listed last Veterans Day.

With all of these great features, this app is sure to become your go-to app for military discounts, freebies and USO information. When searching for it in the app store type in SCOUT military and it is the first option.

Want to know more about SCOUT Military Discounts? Visit their webpage.

 

Stop Saying ‘Army Wife: Toughest Job in the Army’

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You have probably heard the phrase, “Army (or Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps) Wife is the Toughest Job in the Army (or Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps) .”  You might have seen it on a bumper sticker, T-shirt, keychain, coffee mug, magnet or an online forum. It’s out there and it is something that can cause a lot of frustration for a lot of people.

The reason people say this is because it is hard to be a military spouse.

Being a military spouse isn’t an easy life. You have to give up a lot from where you live to pursuing your own career. You are home with the kids as a solo parent and the military isn’t always the best of letting you know what is going on or what is ahead for your family in the future.

Stop Saying 'Army Wife: Toughest Job in the Army'The issue with the saying “Military spouse is the toughest job in the military,” isn’t that military life is hard. We all know it’s hard. The problem with this statement is it acts as though the spouse IS actually in the military which is not true. Spouses are civilians unless they serve in active duty or the National Guard or are reservists or veterans.

If you talk to a spouse who served in the active duty military, she might tell you how frustrating it can be to hear that other spouses act like they too are in the military. They would tell you how different the 2 roles are. They would try to explain that serving in the military is different then serving on the homefront.

While the service member trains for war and is eventually deployed, the spouse stays at home. Whether the spouse works outside the home or not, they are the ones in charge and taking care of the children. They are the ones left behind to keep things going. They say goodbye to their spouse and make do playing the dual roles of mom and dad for months at a time, sometimes years at a time. They take care of what needs to be done while the other spouse is away. All of this is hard and appreciated. It can be frustrating when you have to wait on the military for almost everything. You wait on finding out where and when you will move, when your spouse will be home and what is going to happen next. Forget about planning your future, even if you were able to, the military could change things at the last minute.

None of this is the same as being in the military, to train hard, carry your weapon and put yourself in harm’s way. Nothing a military spouse is doing at home is literally putting yourself in the line of fire.

While we need to remember and recognize the sacrifices that military families and spouses make, we need to stop acting like it is the same as actually being in the military. Because it isn’t and it isn’t fair to act as though it is. We need to stop saying it is harder than what those who have enlisted have had to do. We need to understand that as stressful as it gets waiting at home, at least we wait in a safe place with a warm bed, a full fridge and friends to help us through the deployment.

Stop Saying 'Army Wife: Toughest Job in the Army'

What do you think about this statement, “Military Spouse is the Toughest Job in the Military?” Does it annoy you? Why or why not?

Disclose or Hide? Should You Say You’re a MilSpouse During a Job Interview

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Military Spouses on a Job Interview

Do you tell potential employers that you’re a military spouse?

Should you tell an interviewer you are a military spouse? The answer depends on you. There are many professionals that will tell you both yes and no.

I have always been worried about this situation. I have a fantastic education, I’ve traveled the world and I am a hard worker. Unfortunately, my resume looks like Swiss cheese. Being part of a military family can create gaps in your resume. Moving is just part of the experience and I’ve always had a hard time finding the right job.

There are those questions that military spouses fear in a job interview. Why did you choose to move here? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Why do you have gaps in your resume and why are all of your jobs in different states? The recruiters I spoke with all had different answers.

These are average interview questions, but are they really fishing to see if you are a military spouse? It is illegal to ask an interviewee if they are a military spouse so there are some people that use these types of questions to get around it. My biggest fear in saying I was a milspouse was that they would skip past my other qualifications and see me as someone who is going to leave in a short time. Why hire me when they know they’ll be back searching for another person soon?

I would avoid any mention of the military during job interviews for this reason.

My answers would be that I moved to the area because I loved what it had to offer and I was looking for a place to put down roots. Why did I move so much and change jobs often or have gaps in my resume? I loved to travel and learn new things that would prepare me for the right career instead of just a job. At the time, I thought they were great answers and that I had side-stepped the questions. When I got the job I would always feel guilty that I didn’t tell them that I was a military spouse. They would find out all too soon that I was and surprisingly they have never been upset.

That’s when I realized that being part of the military family was not something I should hold back, but a great asset that I should utilize in an interview. Next time you are faced with these questions consider saying that being a milspouse has made you a flexible team player, a quick learner, a problem-solver and the person that they are going to hire.

Don’t worry too much about the interviewer focusing on the likelihood that you will be leaving in a few short years. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics the average number of years workers typically stay with a job, as reported in September 2014, was 4.6 years. Turnover is high these days as the younger generation chooses to explore different jobs and opportunities.

Disclose or Hide? Military Spouses in Job Interviews

If you do want to get a leg up on the competition there is a program, Military Spouse Preference (MSP), which is designed to help spouses stay in the workforce and find jobs easier when PCSing. It only applies to positions with the Department of Defense (DoD) and for military spouses who meet specific criteria. There are two types of federal employment within the DoD. These include civil service or Appropriated Fund and Non-Appropriated Fund. Those that make the short list of candidates for a job are given preference. If a federal position with the DoD is something you are interested in, utilize this program.

What questions have you been asked in an interview?

What questions have you been asked in a job interview?

For tools beyond Monster.com and Craigslist, use military spouse specific search engines when looking for a job. Military Spouse Employment Partnership (MSEP) is there to help you hone your skills and find the right job.

MSEP, a targeted recruitment and employment solution, creates employment connections that provide companies with direct access to military spouses seeking career opportunities and spouses with direct access to employers who are actively recruiting. MSEP currently has more than 220 partners, who have hired over 60,000 military spouses.

Don’t be part of the 25 percent of military spouses that are looking for employment but haven’t found a job just because you are afraid of saying, or not saying, in an interview that you are a milspouse.

Have you experienced this disclosure dilemma in a job interview? How did you handle it?