7 Ways Pets Make You Happier, Healthier

08/18/2014 By Jessica Aycock

While owning pets can be a big responsibility, you get way more out of it than you put into it.

Having a pet can be a lot of responsibility. They’re little beings that need love, shelter, food and care. It may seem like a lot of work, but what pets give back to you can be exponential.

It doesn’t matter which type of pet you fancy, either. Dog, cat, guinea pig, mouse, fish or snake. We connect with them on a level close to that with other humans.

Studies have been circulating for years linking emotional and physical well-being to pet ownership. Lonely and depressed people are urged to get a pet or to volunteer at a shelter where they can have interactions with animals in an effort to boost their social functioning.

While some may balk at the idea that stroking a puppy could make you more social, many swear that having a pet makes them happier, more productive people.

It’s not so difficult to see why when you break it down:

1) A sense of security. This can be key for children with special needs, though we all benefit from a sense of security. Pets can help ease separation anxiety and teach children how to calm themselves in stressful situations. As adults, it can be comforting to know you aren’t going home to an empty house.

2) No more lonely nights. The days of coming home and vegging out on your couch feeling sorry for yourself are long gone. OK, you will probably still veg on the couch if you’re a cat person, but at least you won’t be alone. Pets fill your space with energy and life.

In essence, animals fulfill a basic human need– touch.

3) Get fit. If you have a dog, chances are they’ll need some exercise which means getting up and getting out and walking yourself. Dog owners routinely say a side effect of getting a pup is getting into better shape. Now, that’s not to say you can’t walk a cat– I’ve seen it done– but you probably won’t. This is one area where dogs definitely rule.

4) Zap stress. While pets come with their own stressors as anyone who’s come home to a chewed shoe or accident can attest, they do a heck of a lot to reduce your overall stress. Some studies have shown that petting an animal can ease depression symptoms and even your heart rate, making you feel relaxed. This is why animals are used in hospitals for therapy.

5) A true confidant. Because animals can’t talk, many find it easier to spill the beans to a pet. Service animals are often used in this capacity and provide a safe place for people to talk out their problems. Animals are often used in treatment for traumatic stress for just this reason. Plus, just having someone to talk to who won’t talk back can be pretty sweet.

Pets make you more compassionate and considerate.

6) Live longer. Pet owners live longer than those without pets. Probably because they’re not as stressed out (see No. 4), are more active (see No. 3) and have something that adds meaning to their lives. Older adults with pets have 30% fewer doctor visits than their counterparts.

7) You’re just a better person. Pets can bring out the best in people. Pet owners tend to show more empathy and compassion to other people. They may be more generous and care more about others. When I was dating, I always knew a guy was decent if he had a pet.

In essence, animals fulfill a basic human need– touch. Pets love unconditionally and add a lot to the lives of their owners.

Take a look around at pet owners you know (or yourself) and see how pets have changed them.

What characteristics do you notice?

Tips on Tipping Your Commissary Bagger

08/11/2014 By Julie Provost

The question often comes up in military circles about how much you should tip your bagger. I remember when we moved to our first duty station in Germany, the standard seemed to be about $2 to $3, maybe a little more if it was raining or around Christmas.

If you are not familiar with the commissary, the baggers that pack up your groceries and take them to your car do not get an hourly wage. They make their money based on tips. It is expected that you tip your baggers because otherwise they will not be getting paid. Although you are not required to do this, most everyone who shops there does.

But back to the main question: What’s a fair tip for a commissary bagger?

I decided to ask a few military spouses how much they typically tip the baggers at their military commissary. A lot of them said they usually tip $5, maybe a little more or less depending on the size of their cart. A lot of them also said they tip $2 if the bagger only bags the groceries and does not take them out.

You might assume that the baggers are working for a very high hourly wage, and they probably are. $3 for 5 to 10 minutes of work is about $18+an hour. BUT, they also are probably not taking cart after cart out. A lot of times we see baggers waiting around until it is their turn to take out a cart. I think this means that overall they are not making all that much. It would depend on how many others are working and how busy it is at the commissary that day.

Also, most of the baggers are not there for 8 hours a day. Most of them only work a few hours at a time.

How much should you tip your bagger? What is the right amount?

I think it is safe to say that $3 is the average. If you are worried about it and tip $3, I think you should be fine.

That being said, I don’t think it would be wrong to tip a higher amount if you can afford to do so. You might just make a bagger’s day!

And if you don’t want to tip, head to the self check out line.

How much do you tip the baggers at your military commissary?

Wife Searching for the Spouse Sisterhood

07/21/2014 By Julie Provost

Dear MilitaryShoppers,

I’m new to the military. My husband joined late (he was 26 years old) and we have 2 kids, ages 5 and 2 years old. We just moved to our first duty station, San Diego. My husband is working all the time and I’m home with the kids. How do I meet people and make friends? I thought the military was one big fraternity of support. Please help.

Signed,

Lonely at Camp Pendleton

Dear Lonely at Camp Pendleton,

It can be difficult to meet people and really feel like you have a circle of friends when you first move somewhere. Sometimes it takes months. I tell myself that it can take up to six months to find a group of friends in a new location. You sometimes need time to get used to your new surroundings and to feel comfortable with your new home.

There are some things that you can do to make new friends at your new duty station. You should check and see if they have any activities for kids. At a lot of places they have different playgroups that you can join. These are great places to make some new friends. Go in with a smile, be friendly and you should be able to meet some new people. You can also take your kids to the park and see if you can meet some people there. Usually you will find other moms at the park that you probably have something in common with.

Make sure to do a search on Facebook for groups out of Camp Pendleton. You can join these groups and find out when they meet up in real life. You might be able to find a group that has to do with one of your hobbies such as fitness or reading.

If you are religious, church is another great way to make some friends. There are also Bible studies you can attend on most military installations.

The key is finding an activity that you or your kids enjoy and finding others who enjoy it too. When you attend these groups, you know going in that you have at least a few things in common with them.

Good luck to you as you search out what is available in your community. Before you know it will you be making friends and will have the circle of support you are looking for.

5 Barriers to Mental Health Treatment for Military Spouses

07/16/2014 By Jessica Aycock

Last month we talked about PTSD and mental health of our service members. Unfortunately, they aren’t the only ones who need therapy. The all-too-familiar stressors of military life– such as deployments, separations, frequent moves and a feeling of isolation– can be a catalyst for psychological distress.

Military Spouses Face Hurdles to Mental Health Help

Depression and other mental distress can affect military spouses. Many don’t seek help because they face serious hurdles.

It’s normal. What isn’t normal is the barriers that stand in the way of receiving treatment for military spouses.

Three doctors with the Department of Psychiatry at Oregon Health and Sciences University did a study recently that examined why military spouses are underserved when it comes to mental health treatment. The study outlined 5 barriers military spouses face:

inability to attend daytime appointments
inability to find a counselor who understands their needs
inability to find a counselor they could trust
concerns about confidentiality
lack of knowledge about where to get services

With at least 1 million spouses of active duty, Reserve or National Guard service members, this is highly unacceptable.

Let’s take a closely look at each barrier to mental health treatment for military spouses.

Barrier #1: Inability to Attend Daytime Appointments

Most military spouses are either working outside the home or have children. While spouses are quite resourceful, sometimes it’s not possible to get away in the middle of the day. Solution: Counselors should offer evening appointments or provide child care for clients. Another option, although nontraditional, counselors could make house calls and meet the client in their environment.

Barrier #2: Inability to Find a Counselor Who Understands Their Needs

Anyone who has sought mental health help knows how important it is to find a therapist or provider you connect with. Someone who understands your situation and can advise accordingly. This shouldn’t be difficult in military towns, but it can be particularly difficult for National Guard or Reserve families. Solution: Find a counselor you can connect with and educate them throughout your sessions. If that feels too daunting, check out MilitaryOneSource.mil and set up a phone or online counseling session with someone knowledgeable about the lifestyle. ALL members of the National Guard and Reserves and their immediate family members are eligible to use MilitaryOneSource.

Barriers to mental health treatment for military spouses

Finding someone you can trust can be a huge hurdle. Don’t give up.

Barriers #3 & 4: Inability to Find a Counselor They Can Trust & Concerns About Confidentiality

It’s not uncommon for individuals to be nervous about divulging a lot of personal information to a perfect stranger. Especially for individuals who have been drilled with the importance of OPSEC and PERSEC. On top of that, spouses worry that anything they say could be used against their spouse and damage their career. Talk about a barrier. Especially one that is completely irrelevant. Solution: Educate yourself.

MilitaryOneSource addresses this issue in their post about counseling options:

Family members may use counseling services without the notice or consent of the service member. For service members or their families seeking counseling through military support channels, those services are confidential. The only exceptions to confidentiality are for mandatory state, federal and military reporting requirements (for example, domestic violence, child abuse and duty to warn situations). Even then, only those who need to be notified will be informed.

Barrier #5: Lack of Knowledge About Where to Get Services

We’ve all be in a new place and feel completely lost about where to go to find anything. Mental health services shouldn’t be one of those things. It should be as easy to find as the closest grocery store. Solution: A one-stop shop for finding help. MilitaryOneSource does a great job of highlighting options on their website. Not only can they help you find local counselors, but they also outline when you should seek treatment through Tricare or your nearest Military Treatment Facility or VA Center. When in doubt, ask.

Bottom line: There’s absolutely no reason a spouse should go without treatment for a mental health issue, no matter how big or how small. Educate yourself and others on the opportunities and options available and help each other out.

We’re a strong military family. Let’s make sure we’re a healthy military family.

Why do you think military spouses are underserved when it comes to mental health treatment?

5 Tips to Reduce Relocation Expenses

07/10/2014 By Michelle Volkmann

How do you save money during a PCS? Share your tips in our comments sections.

I always underestimate the cost of a PCS. I tell myself that the Navy moves us so relocating from one military installation to another isn’t expensive. I don’t pay for anything. Right? This is my mental talk 30 days prior to a PCS. Then the whirlwind of the PCS happens and I am reaching for my credit card more than I have in the last 2 years. 60 days later when I am reviewing our credit card bill at our new duty station, I am shocked by the balance. How did we spend ALL this money?

The average service member shells out $1,725 for non-reimbursable moving expenses. That’s nearly $2,000. Let’s say that we move every 2 years during my husband’s 20-year career. That’s a total of $17,250 of MY money to move for the Navy. No thank you.

This year, we will be moving again and I’m committed to reducing our relocation expenses. But how do I cut costs when we are homeless and living out of our car?

Here are 5 tips for reducing relocation expenses when transferring to a new duty station.

Save for a Sensible Spending Plan.
Call it a budget. Call it a spending plan. It doesn’t matter. But make a plan for how much it will cost to set up your new home. Calculate an estimate for security deposits for housing and utilities. Cut back on eating out in the last 3 months of your current duty station and put that money in to a savings account. You’ll need it when you establish your new home. Do not depend on your Dislocation Allowance to cover all of your expenses. It never does.
Negotiate and Ask to Speak with a Manager.
Practice saying this phrase “Is that the best price you can give me?” When you set up your Internet and cable, ask for the “best price.” Let them know that you compared prices between different providers and ask if the company offers a military discount. You will never get a discount if you don’t ask for it. If you have a credit score of higher than 600, ask if your landlord will consider reducing the security deposit. Mention that you’re a classy military person who pays your monthly rent on time every month.
Embrace House Camping.
Hotels are expensive. Even staying at the lodge on base can get expensive after more than 5 days. If you don’t have your household goods, but you have a home, consider house camping. Eat on the floor, sleep on an air mattress, let your kids bounce a ball against the wall and eat food that you prepare out of your microwave. Is it ideal? No. Will it save you money? Absolutely.
Buy Used –Not New– Whenever Possible.
When we moved to Maryland, for the first time we had a yard. This was great news until I realized a yard means grass which means we needed to mow the yard. We didn’t own a lawnmower. Foolishly we bought a brand-new lawnmower. Now we live in California. We don’t need the lawnmower and it sits, collecting dust in our already-stuffed garage. What’s the lesson? Be patient and buy seasonal items used online. I recommend SargesList and those Facebook Yard Sale groups. For every military installation, there is a military spouse monitoring a Facebook group.
Take Another Service Member’s Trash.
Through Facebook you can connect with military spouses at your new duty station. Guess what? If you are moving there, I bet someone else is leaving that duty station. Most likely they have cleaning supplies, spices and random other things that they can’t or don’t want to take with them. Offer to take it. Free stuff doesn’t cost you anything.

Plan ahead to save money during a PCS.

What are your tips for saving money during a PCS?

Click2Go Services Available at Commissary

06/30/2014 By Julie Provost

Information about the Click2Go service at military commissaries.

Click2Go services allow commissary shoppers to buy groceries online and pick them up curbside.

Recently I heard about a new service at certain military commissaries that is going to make life a lot easier for commissary shoppers.

Click2Go services!

With this type of service you can order your groceries online, choose a time you want to go get them, pickup your food and head home. You will be able to pickup your food curbside. What a great convenience.

This type of service is ideal for the military community where most families have to bring all the children to the store with them. It also will be handy for those with special needs. I would have loved to have something like this when my kids were younger. It would have saved time and a lot of stress.

Unfortunately, it is currently only offered at 3 commissaries: Fort Lee, Offutt Air Force Base and Travis Air Force Base.

How does Click2Go work?

You create an account, log-in and then virtually browse through all the foods. Add the foods you want to your online cart. When you are ready to check out, you can do so by reserving your pickup time. You can also tell the system if you are OK with replacement orders if they are out of stock of one of the foods you have put in your cart. Once you submit your order, you should be able to pick it up at your selected time.You must place your order at least 6 hours before you want to pickup your food.

How do I pay with Click2Go?

Most grocery items will be offered with this system. There will be a limited amount of meat, bakery, deli and seafood items. You will not pay for the groceries online. You pay when you pickup the items. You will be given an estimated total but the actual total will be based on the prices at the time of pickup.

What you need to know about the Click2Go services at your military commissary.

New Click2Go services are ideal for military families.

Should I tip with Click2Go?

It is also important to know that you are not allowed to tip the person that brings out the food.

You can visit the Click2Go website for more information.

I think this service could be a good one. I think time will tell if it works out the way it should. I am sure if it is going to come to other commissaries, but that will not happen for a few more years.

Here is one military spouse’s review of the Click2Go service.

Have you or would you use the Click2Go service at the commissary? Have you used a curbside grocery service similar to this one?

Lonely? Find Friendships at Every Duty Station

06/20/2014 By Julie Provost

Tips for Military Spouses to Make Friends at a New Duty Station

Let your children take the lead when it comes to finding new friends.

With military life comes a lot of moving. That means saying goodbye to friends and making new ones. This is a hard part of the military lifestyle. Finding new friends when you are the new one in town can be quite difficult.

If you have just moved into your new neighborhood, you might get lucky and have new neighbors come to your house and say hello. New neighbors can make the best friends. It is great when you are able to meet and click with them right away. But what happens if …

No one comes to your house to say hello?

Every one in your circle of friends, except you, gets orders to new duty station?

You are feeling lonely in your new home?

I have met friends at all types of places. From swim lessons for my kids to Bible studies. Sometimes it is just a matter of being brave and reaching out. Other times it is just a matter of being in the right place at the right time.

Here are the top 4 places to find friendships at your new duty station.

Local Playground

If you have kids, take them to the park. You will most likely run into other parents and children who live near there. Be brave and strike up a conversation. If your kids hit it off, make plans to get together again. If you don’t meet anyone new at the park, at least your kids had a good time.

Facebook Group

Another option is to join a local Facebook group and go to one of the events. It might feel weird to go some place new when you don’t know anyone but it will be worth it.

Simply Say Hi: Tips for MilSpouses to Find Friendships in New Neighborhoods

Feeling lonely? Be brave and leave your house to meet new friends.

Your Neighborhood

If you are feeling brave, you can always go up to your new neighbors and say hello. One idea is to ask them a question about your new city. Something like, “Can you tell me the best place to get Chinese food?” can be a way to break the ice and strike up a conversation.

Sometimes it is just a matter of being brave. Other times it is just a matter of being in the right place at the right time.

Photography Class, Bunco or CrossFit

When you are new to a duty station, the best way to find friends is to do is find events or classes that look fun and go to them. You are bound to make friends if you do that.

Where do you find friends when you are the new one in town?

PCS-Purge: The Dreaded Pantry

06/18/2014 By Jessica Aycock

Tips for Purging Your Pantry Prior to a PCS

PCS season means purging. Time to look at what’s been accumulating in your pantry for the last 3 to 4 years.

One of the many things I dread about moving is the purge. Going through everything and trying to get rid of as much as possible. It’s something that you have to start immediately, otherwise it never gets done. But the one area of the house that doesn’t give me anxiety is the kitchen, specifically

the pantry.

Going through the pantry is actually fun. I see it as a challenge to use up as much as I can before moving. This last move, instead of Googling “What to make with Ramen and Kool-Aid*,” I used 3 websites to find creative ways to use the food and pantry items I’d collected in the last 3 years.

Recipe Matcher has an extensive checklist of pantry and kitchen items and is super easy to use. It takes a little bit of time to add everything in your pantry to the list, but once it’s there, it’s quick to find you a way to use as many items as possible.

Recipe Key allows you to drag and drop items in your pantry and get recipes that use those items. You can even filter recipes by allergies or dietary restrictions.

Use websites to find recipes for the odd items in your pantry.

Supercook is yet another site that finds recipes based on what’s in your kitchen. Supercook is very visual and has photos illustrating the recipe suggestions.

If you can’t use it, give it away.

Find a local food pantry to donate any unopened food or cleaning supplies. Try Feeding America, Foodpantries or Ample Harvest if you don’t know where a food bank is near you. Food banks are willing to take a lot of items, but they can’t accept any packages that have been opened (even if it was only once) or any packaged food with passed expiration dates.

Should I toss it? No, call your neighbor first.

We’ve all been on the receiving end of a PCS pare down a time or two and know there are just some things you can’t give away to a pantry or shelter. Things like half a bag of sugar or the opened bottle of Dawn dish soap.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve been gifted during a PCS-purge?

Ask around. Neighbors and friends are often willing to take items off your hands if you have excess. If they can’t use it, they often know someone else who can and will use it.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve been given during a PCS-purge?

*OK, it wasn’t that bad, but there were some very strange combinations.

Decoding the Military Commissary Dress Code

06/16/2014 By Michelle Volkmann

“You can’t wear that.”

“What do you mean I can’t wear this?” I told my husband. We were recently married and living in Yuma, Arizona. It was a Sunday afternoon nearly 10 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday. It was my first experience with the dress code that exists for service members, dependents and their guests at military installations.

I was wearing a tank top, shorts and sandals. Apparently I wasn’t dressed appropriately for our planned trip to Marine Corps Air Station Yuma’s commissary. My husband looked me up and down and told me I was wearing “workout gear” and “shower shoes.”

“Shower shoes,” I scoffed.

Clearly I was not wearing shower shoes and I was wearing a tank top because it was more than 90 degrees outside. But being a new military spouse, I changed before heading to the base. Once we walked through the sliding glass doors at the military commissary, my husband pointed to the dress code policy sign. One question popped into my head.

Does this dress code apply to military spouses?

The short answer is yes. The dress code applies to military spouses and anyone else with base access, including dependents, retirees, civilian employees, contractors and civilian guests.

Is the dress code enforced? What’s the penalty for breaking the dress code?

Here’s where it gets complicated. At every U.S. military installation around the world, there is a dress code for the commissary, exchange and gas station. The dress code is an order that is normally posted near the front doors of these base businesses. The poster explains that civilian clothing must fit properly (not too tight, not too loose) and that patrons are prohibited from wearing pajamas, athletic shorts, swimsuits and spandex-type gym attire.

The dress code at the commissary applies to service members, their dependents and guests.

If you break the dress code, a service member who is tasked with “policing their own,” will point out that you are inappropriately dressed and deny you access to that facility. This happened to a Navy spouse after a Marine said her 7-year-old son was wearing workout gear to the commissary in Kaneohe Bay. They were refused admission. After her son changed his shorts, the two returned to the commissary to buy their milk.

One important piece to decoding the dress code: The dress code isn’t the commissary’s policy.

It’s the installation commanders who order and choose to enforce or not enforce the dress code. That’s why a service member, not a commissary manager, is the person publicly pointing out your noncompliant attire. It’s the reason why dress code enforcement is inconsistent among military installation and even among different military branches. It’s also the reason I dress up to pump gas at a Marine Corps gas station, but never sweat my wardrobe at an Air Force commissary.

Are the military dress codes for shopping at the commissary outdated?

3 Steps to Battle Social Anxiety

06/06/2014 By Jessica Aycock

3 Steps for Military Spouses to Battle Social Anxiety

Summer parties shouldn’t make you anxious.

The summer months for military families means PCSing, farewell parties, barbecues, beach gatherings, pool parties, family vacations and meeting new neighbors. In short, it’s a busy, busy time of the year.

For me, summer often brings a bit of social anxiety– so many events and parties, so little time. As an introvert, it’s draining to spend a lot of time with other people and an extremely packed schedule makes me anxious.

Sometimes the anxiety comes from the idea of meeting new people or putting on “airs”, pretending to be happy when I don’t feel happy. Sometimes it’s the idea of having so much scheduled that I don’t have time for myself.

Here are 3 steps that helped me overcome the uneasiness of a full social calendar.

Know that it’s OK to say “no”. You can politely decline an invitation. If it’s someone you know well, be honest and tell them you have too much going on (or that you’re not comfortable with a crowd). Offer to get together with them at another date without other people around.
Know that you don’t have to stay the entire time. Give yourself a time limit of an hour or two. This worked well for me during the past Memorial Day weekend. My guy and I went to each party for an hour or two and then headed home to get back to our own work. We attended a different party each day. The events were a welcomed distraction from a mountain of schoolwork and our friends and family were happy to see us.
Reward yourself with alone time. If you must attend a lot of events or have a busy schedule, plan downtime afterward. Plan a day to read a book or watch a movie. Do something that builds you up and renews you.

Introverts sometimes feel like we’re missing out on life when we don’t attend events. But remember that you need to take care of YOU. If that means taking time to recharge, do it. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of you. On the flip side, definitely enjoy the summer social events. You’ll be glad you did.

How do you handle the uneasiness of a full social calendar?

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