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Serving in the Army Is My Family’s Calling

05/18/2018 By Michelle Volkmann

by Eric Gardner, Guest Contributor

The term family business has a menagerie of feelings and definitions depending upon who you ask. I prefer the term “calling” instead of “business,” since it casts a truer light upon my unique family past.

In the broad categories which define roles associated in our military culture I’ve held many of them.

Service member.

Military spouse.

Army brat.

I’ve worn these roles with pride. With more than 40 years of life vested in this unique and sometimes challenging community, I can say unequivocally I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Service is a very dear ideal in my family. While I can trace my roots back to the American Revolution, I have had a constant family member in active service through WWI, WWII, Japan’s Occupation, the Cold War, and the Global War on Terror. My wife is also a third generation military member.

This family calling has given us a shared outlook and understanding on what is truly important in life.

Serving in the Army Is My Family's Calling

Did you follow your father and join the Army?

Even with such a rich family history of military service my parents never forced a career in the Army upon me. Growing up in the ’80s I was a huge fan of the “G.I. Joe” cartoon and shows like “The A-Team” and “MacGyver.” While other children my age saw these larger than life personas as too fantastic to be true, I knew the exact opposite.

As a child I could say that I’d met the proverbial steely eyes, barrel chested freedom fighter on several occasions. In “G.I. Joe,” Duke, Lady Jay and Roadblock would display the moral courage to take a stand against something they felt was wrong. I could see the same exhibition of character by walking into my father’s office on any given day and witness the towering soldiers doing the exact same thing.

This introduction into my family calling was accented more when units would hold their organizational days. These family-oriented events always showcased the tools of the trade to loved ones so they could get a better understanding of what their service member did.

Imagine seeing every Hollywood prop in real life and understanding that the soldier standing in front of you was just as awesome as any character that was on the big screen; it clearly made a lasting impression.

Before my elementary school years were over I understood how camouflage worked, possessed a loose understanding of how many different weapon systems our service men and women were tasked to employ and a firm respect for the work that each of them did.

Serving in the Army Is My Family's Calling

I never viewed my unique exposure to the Army as manipulation to join its ranks. Instead this insider information allowed me to make the best decision I could about my future.

I have wonderful memories of wearing face paint, dressed in my pint-sized fatigues and patrolling our military quarters with my sister in tow on a mission to find a lost G.I. Joe somewhere in the hedge. A smile always comes to mind when I think back to having my father introduce me to the challenges of obstacle courses and learned how stations like the gut buster and the weaver vexed the men and women under his command. Whether it was climbing on Humvees and tanks or checking out the static displays of the utility and attack helicopters, I saw the world of the military as a constant adventure.

On the flip side there were times when the military lifestyle was negative. The moves, training and deployments, and constantly reinventing yourself are challenges we can all relate to. However, with each of these, one thing made it all possible; family. My mother and father always put us first — within reason of course.

Even in the tough times we understood that friends and homes may change but our family would always be there.

When I went off to college my future world was a blank canvas to explore. Even with an endless array of life options, the most fulfilling was in my R.O.T.C. program which lead to my commissioning in the Army as an infantry officer. The same branch my great grandfather was in during WWI and my father was during his 30-year career. I never viewed the unique exposure to the Army as some sort of manipulation to join. Instead it allowed me to make the best decision I could about my future.

Serving in the Army Is My Family's Calling

My parents never forced a career in the Army upon me.

My tour of duty as a service member with the Army lasted eight and a half years. As I transitioned to the role of spouse my love for the military way of life didn’t change. With my own children now seeing the nonstop adventure this lifestyle holds they can make their own decisions when they enter the workforce to see if the military is right for them.

Regardless of their choice they will know that within their family were men and women who were willing to risk everything to ensure they would be afforded the same chance at a wonderful future they had been given.

Serving in the Army Is My Family's Calling

I can trace my roots back to the American Revolution, I have had a constant family member in active service through WWI, WWII, Japan’s Occupation, the Cold War, and the Global War on Terror. My wife is also a third generation military member.

Did you follow your parent and join the Army or other branch of service? Tell us your family of military service story in the comments section.

Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father's footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father’s footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Since the end of his wartime service he has shifted gears and is now a stay-at-home father. In his role as an active duty Army spouse, he has become an author. As the creator of the XIII Legion Series he has enjoyed great success, and enjoys meeting other entrepreneurial spouses as well as fellow authors. You can see more from Eric Gardner at his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/thirteenthlegion.series, and http://www.facebook.com/XIIILGN or follow him via Twitter @13thLegion.

When Will My House Feel Like Home?

08/18/2017 By Veronica Jorden

Moving. It’s part and parcel to the whole military family way of life.

When Will My House Feel Like Home?

How long does it take until you feel at home in a new duty station?

If you are new to the military, then you might only have a couple of moves under your belt. If you’re like me, a more “seasoned” military spouse and brat, then you probably need a moment to tally all the places you’ve called home.

Hand in hand with constantly finding a “new’ home, comes a lingering feeling of transience.

At what point does that freshly painted on-post duplex or 4-bedroom off-base house start to feel like home?

When I Was a Kid

When I was a kid, my active-duty parents whisked me across oceans to both Europe and Asia. Every trip meant picking out the must-have toy to take with me and saying goodbye to every other toy and possession, sometimes for months at a time.

Nothing made a house feel more like home than getting to unpack all my things and finding just the right spot for each and every toy.

Add in a few Saturday morning cartoons and the occasional batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies and things were golden.

When your household goods finally arrive, make setting up your child’s room a priority. Then, try to get back into a routine as quickly as you can. Bedtime stories, bath time, and yes, even cookies, can help take the fear out of a new place. Young kids are amazingly resilient, but familiar items and routines will help them to adjust.

When I Was a Teen

The older I got, the harder it got to move. While unpacking my things helped me to feel settled, a sense of home never really surfaced until we returned to our normal routine.

Things like school and (I can’t believe I am saying this!) Saturday morning chores made me forget that things were new. I guess nothing says home like homework and a toilet brush.

If you have a teenager in your home (or, God help you, more than one, like me!), the same rules apply about routine. As a parent, try to be patient.

The adjustment might take a little longer for your teenagers, but it will come.

Take advantage of opportunities to create special memories in your new home, even some specifically associated with moving.

Use up some of that seemingly endless supply of packing paper for a paper snowball fight.

Take turns picking a place for dinner so you can explore your new neighborhood.

And make sure you take time to Skype or email friends from your last duty station. A familiar voice can help make the transition a little easier.

When I Was an Adult

For a brief time, in my late teens and early twenties I ventured out into the world on my own. I stayed with extended family and a few friends as I worked my way through college, but it never really felt like home. Even moving into my own apartment felt empty and lonely.

Shortly thereafter I joined the Army. My barracks room became my inspection-ready sanctuary and my barracks-mates my family. But we all knew those digs were only temporary and none of us ever really felt like we were home.

It wasn’t until I married my husband and we started our own family that I felt like I had a home again.  Hanging curtains, painting walls and making sure that every box was unpacked or hidden away in storage was and is always the first step to making it feel like home again for us.

Enjoy the process of discovery that comes from unpacking all of those things you love. Then, once you’ve emptied all of those boxes, make a point to entertain a few guests if you can.

Nothing makes a house feel more like a home than putting out a welcome mat and extending a little hospitality.

Dozens of Moves Later

Just over a year ago, we purchased what will be our last home as an active-duty Army family. Bits and pieces of the life we have built are seen in every corner, but it is only recently that this house has started to feel like home to me.

My kids are nearly grown, with one already discussing plans to move out. And so, the idea of home is changing once again.

How can it be home if we are not all together? Will our home become just a living museum of the memories collected as we traveled from place to place?

I suppose only time will tell.

How long does it take until you feel at home in a new duty station?

A Thank You Note to My Military Child

04/10/2017 By Veronica Jorden

If I had to make a list of all the things I find myself saying to you on a regular basis, it would include things like “brush your teeth” or “take care of the dishes.”  And it’s likely that the list would also include my daily litany of questions like “how was school?” or “did you finish your homework?”

As I sit here thinking about that list, I realize the one thing I don’t say often enough is “thank you.”

What I mean is, I don’t often take the time to say “thank you” for the contributions you make to the success of our military family.

You don’t get a say when a new set of PCS orders sends us to a new duty station hundreds if not thousands of miles away from the last one. You don’t get to choose which school you will go to. You don’t have the option of saying “no, I don’t want to move,” or “no, I don’t want to leave my friends.” You don’t get to demand that we get to be together on birthdays and holidays, or heck, even weekends.

And yet, despite having to say goodbye over and over, despite having to adjust to new routines, new bus schedules, new teachers, new houses and new ways of doing things, you get up every day, hug me, and face the world with the kind of optimism that makes it just that much easier for me to get through my day.

Some days you come home excited to share all the new things you’ve learned and to tell me about all the new people you’ve met. Other days, you struggle to fit in and try not to tear up when you tell me how you miss your old school.

A Thank You Note to My Military Child

Know that you are truly loved and admired. Know that, without a doubt, your dad and I wouldn’t be who we are today, wouldn’t have accomplished as much and wouldn’t be as happy as we are, without you.

You never question the importance of your dad’s service and when you talk about him to your friends, I can see and hear your pride. When he’s away, you get as excited as I do when the phone rings.  You keep track of how many days are left until he gets to come home. You allow him to be a part of your life, even when he can’t physically be there for you.

You are one of the first to stand for the National Anthem and you never fail to hold your hand to your heart when saying the pledge. You ask questions about rank and insignia, about policy and regulation, and you look forward to company-sponsored events, seeing every member of the unit, service members and family members alike, as friends.

You probably don’t know it, but you keep me grounded when our crazy, migrant life gets a little overwhelming. Your smiles and easily-given hugs remind your dad and me why we work so hard.

You don’t question the life you’ve been born into. You laugh, love, struggle, adapt and triumph as if it was no big thing. As if reinventing your life every couple of years was some how normal and easy.

Know that you are truly loved and admired. Know that, without a doubt, your dad and I wouldn’t be who we are today, wouldn’t have accomplished as much and wouldn’t be as happy as we are, without you.

Thank you for seeing our military life as an adventure filled with purpose.

Thank you for being the strong, caring, motivated, understanding and brilliant human beings you are.

Thank you for taking this military-brat life and making the most of it.

Thank you.

Want more ideas on how to celebrate your military child this month? Check this list.

Books to Read to Your Military Child

04/15/2015 By Julie Provost

As a mother of military children, I know they have to go through situations that other children don’t. One of the best ways to help them is through books. Reading about other children going through what they go through while having a parent in the military is very helpful. We have always had books like this around our house to look at before and after deployments.

Books to Read to Your Military Child

What is your military child’s favorite military book?

Some books talk about deployment. Others deal with moving, starting a new school and finding friends in a new neighborhood.

You can also find books on other stressful situations that your kids might have to go through such as making new friends, bullying or working through family issues associated with life as a military family.

Books to Read to Your Military Child

Do you read books about moving before starting a PCS?

Here is a list of books to read your military child, broken down by age group:

Preschoolers

Young children need picture books to help get the point across. They are easy to read and help the child learn more about military life through short stories.

  • H is for Honor: A Military Family Alphabet by Devin Scillian. This book talks about the different branches of service and military life. It is a great book to have when starting out on the military journey.

  • Daddy’s Deployed by Bridget Platt. The only military book of its kind: Daddy’s Deployed is a completely customized children’s book for those with a parent deploying. The book features the name, gender, and physical attributes of, not only the child, but the parents as well!

  • A Paper Hug by Stephanie Skolmoski. A sweet story about a boy whose Dad has to go away on a deployment. The book talks about the different emotions he goes through. It is a perfect book if you are about to go through a deployment or separation.
  • Lily Hates Goodbyes Jerilyn Marler. Lily has lots of feelings during her father’s deployment. Sometimes she is angry. Sometimes she is sad. Sometimes she cries. Sometimes she yells. Through it all, her mother tells her that these feelings are normal.
  • Coming Home by Greg Ruth. This is a great book for the end of a deployment. The pictures tell the story and in the end you find out that Mom is the one that was deployment, not Dad.
  • The Berenstain Bears’ Moving Day by Stan and Jan Berenstain. Help your small children prepare for a move using the cute Berenstain Bears to tell their story. This would be a great read to help prepare small children for an upcoming move.
  • Big Dan’s Moving Van by Leslie Mcguire. This book explains to toddlers and preschoolers how the packers will put all your household goods into boxes. But there is no reason to worry because you will see all your toys again– at your new house. 

School Aged Children

They can read some of these books themselves but it is also nice to be able to read with your military child.

  • Countdown ’til Daddy Comes Home by Kristin Ayyar. This book is about getting ready for a parent to come home after being away for a while. It has some great ideas for the kids and includes discussion questions to get them talking about what they are going through.

  • Soldier by Simon Adams. A favorite in our house, this book talks about soldiers, what they do, what equipment they use and is filled with a lot of detailed photos and diagrams. It can be a great resource so children can learn more about what their parent does for a living.

  • The Good-Pie Party by Liz Garton Scanlon. Three little girls are worried about saying good-bye to their best friend. But instead of having a farewell party, they decide to invite their neighbors to bake pies for a “good-pie party.” This is a tender and sweet book about moving.

  • The Moving Book: A Kids’ Survival Guide by Gabriel Davis. Although this book is not just for military children, they will get a lot out of it. It will help them understand a move and allow them to have a little more fun with the moving process. 

  • Why is Dad So Mad? by Seth Kastle. This book is about a Dad who is going through PTSD. It can be a great tool to use if that is something your family is going through and you are not quite sure how to explain it to your child. 

 

Teenagers

This age group needs books on military life too. It can help them understand and deal with some of the issues that come up in this lifestyle.

  • My Story: Blogs by Four Military Teens by Michelle D. Sherman, Ph.D., and DeAnne M. Sherman. This book follows four teens as they make their way through a parent’s deployment. The stories are fictional but are based on real-life experiences.

What is your military child’s favorite military book?

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