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Daddy Deploys, Grandma Moves in

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Your husband just got deployment orders and you are wondering how you are going to get through the next year alone.

Then you remember something your mother-in-law told you. She would move in if you ever need extra help with your kids. You think long and hard about it and decide that having her move in while your spouse is deployed is a smart thing to do.

Sound familiar?

Daddy Deploys, Grandma Moves in During a Deployment

Having someone move in with you might be the best way for you to get through the deployment.

Sometimes this is what a military spouse has to do in order to get through the deployment. She has to ask her mom or her mother-in-law to move in for an extended period of time.

In order for this to work one would have to be able to live with that person. If you just don’t get along in general, having them move in is probably not a good idea.

When my husband was deployed the first time I knew that I would probably have to give birth to my second little boy by myself. I decided to see if my own mom could live with us for 2 months. She wasn’t there the whole deployment but she sure did help during the 2 months she was with us. Since I also had a two-year-old she was able to be there for him in ways that I couldn’t. This was especially helpful after I had my baby so I could focus more on the baby knowing that my 2-year-old was in good hands.

Related: Moving in with Your Parents during a Deployment

I have also known a few spouses that did have a mom or their mother-in-law move in during the whole deployment. They knew their limits and they had circumstances that allowed this to happen. The grandma was able to come and stay for an extended period of time even though she left behind her everyday life at home.

Daddy Deploys, Grandma Moves in During a Deployment

Has your mother or mother-in-law lived with you during a deployment?

If you are facing a deployment and are considering asking a family member to move in during the time your spouse will be away, make sure you really think about all the details.

Here are a few questions to consider before grandma moves in:

  • Will you be able to live with this person each and every day? Living together for months is different then a 2-week visit.
  • Are they willing to give up their lives back home for you? Will they miss other family members too much? Will they have to quit their job?
  • Can you talk openly about budgets and expectations? How often will you need them to help with the kids? What chores would you like them to do? Will you need them to help buy groceries?

There are so many benefits to having a family member move in. You can live with another adult, have help with the children and can stay in your own home verses moving somewhere during the deployment.

Really think about what would work best for you and go from there. Having someone move in with you might really be the best way for you to get through the deployment.

If your mom or mother-in-law wants to move in, it is also OK to say no to that proposal if you don’t think the arrangement would be a good idea. Talk things out with them to figure out what would work best for you and your family.

Has your mother or mother-in-law lived with you during a deployment? Would you recommend it?

 

Moving in with Your Parents during a Deployment

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As the summer of 2009 was approaching, I knew I had to do something. My husband was deployed yet again and I was in Germany with 2 small little boys. I couldn’t imagine going through a whole school-free summer by myself. I needed a break, a big one.

Moving in with Your Parents during a Deployment

That was when I decided to go live with my parents for the summer. We took a Space-A flight out the end of May and stayed until the last week in August, a few weeks before school started again.

Moving back home was one of the best things I have ever done to help me get through a deployment.

There were so many benefits to going home for the summer. For one thing, I no longer had to be the only adult in the house. I had my parents right there to help me out. My brother and other family members and friends were also around to spend time with. I was able to plan an amazing summer taking my kids to some of the same places I went to as a child. I loved being able to do that with them. My husband even went there for his R&R and we were able to take a romantic trip for a few days while my parents watched our kids.

For me it was a big fat break from the regular deployment routine. I didn’t have to do everything for a few months. I got to enjoy time with my family and my parents were able to bond a little bit with my boys. It worked really well for us and helped speed up the deployment. By the time I got back to Germany we only had about 6 weeks before he came home.

Living with my parents worked for my family, but this temporary living arrangement doesn’t always work for everyone.

You need a good place to go that will be a comfortable home for you and your children. You will have a much harder time if the place you will be staying is more stressful than staying put at your current duty station.

Another thing to consider is what you are giving up. You might not have any other military friends nearby. I was OK with this but others might not be. There is a lot of support to be found in a military community and you give up some of that empathy when you move home for a deployment.

Related: Creative Deployment Activities for Military Kids

You also need to find out what will happen to your housing if you do leave. Some places will make you move out if you are gone for a certain amount of time. We were lucky in that we could keep our home in Germany, I just had to find someone to keep an eye on things while we were away. I knew when we went back everything would be there waiting for me. If your spouse is planning to ETS back home after the deployment, it might be a good idea to move home early and get settled. It can make the whole transition a lot easier when he comes back from deployment.

If your children are older, moving in with the grandparents might not be an option for you. You won’t want to pull them out of school. They won’t want to leave their friends. I know I wouldn’t be able to go home for a whole summer again because of the ages of my children. When we went home in 2009 they were only 2 and 4 years old.

You really have to think hard about if going home during a deployment is the right thing to do. For some people it is and for others it’s better to stay where they are.

Have you lived with your parents or in-laws during a deployment? Would you recommend it?