Your husband just got deployment orders and you are wondering how you are going to get through the next year alone.
Then you remember something your mother-in-law told you. She would move in if you ever need extra help with your kids. You think long and hard about it and decide that having her move in while your spouse is deployed is a smart thing to do.
Sometimes this is what a military spouse has to do in order to get through the deployment. She has to ask her mom or her mother-in-law to move in for an extended period of time.
In order for this to work one would have to be able to live with that person. If you just don’t get along in general, having them move in is probably not a good idea.
When my husband was deployed the first time I knew that I would probably have to give birth to my second little boy by myself. I decided to see if my own mom could live with us for 2 months. She wasn’t there the whole deployment but she sure did help during the 2 months she was with us. Since I also had a two-year-old she was able to be there for him in ways that I couldn’t. This was especially helpful after I had my baby so I could focus more on the baby knowing that my 2-year-old was in good hands.
I have also known a few spouses that did have a mom or their mother-in-law move in during the whole deployment. They knew their limits and they had circumstances that allowed this to happen. The grandma was able to come and stay for an extended period of time even though she left behind her everyday life at home.
If you are facing a deployment and are considering asking a family member to move in during the time your spouse will be away, make sure you really think about all the details.
Here are a few questions to consider before grandma moves in:
- Will you be able to live with this person each and every day? Living together for months is different then a 2-week visit.
- Are they willing to give up their lives back home for you? Will they miss other family members too much? Will they have to quit their job?
- Can you talk openly about budgets and expectations? How often will you need them to help with the kids? What chores would you like them to do? Will you need them to help buy groceries?
There are so many benefits to having a family member move in. You can live with another adult, have help with the children and can stay in your own home verses moving somewhere during the deployment.
Really think about what would work best for you and go from there. Having someone move in with you might really be the best way for you to get through the deployment.
If your mom or mother-in-law wants to move in, it is also OK to say no to that proposal if you don’t think the arrangement would be a good idea. Talk things out with them to figure out what would work best for you and your family.
Has your mother or mother-in-law lived with you during a deployment? Would you recommend it?