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When Your Support Squad Moves Away

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I ran out of toilet paper. Actually, we didn’t have any toilet paper because we hadn’t even moved in yet. When I came knocking for a spare roll, she was happy to hand me one from her stash.

And then stepped in to help with child care duties when I got a stomach bug I just couldn’t shake.

When I was in the hospital for baby two, she was there again for sleepovers and dog walking.

For almost 18 months, we did everything together. Playdates and morning coffee and life.

Then the PCS orders came for her family, but not mine.

Now, my support squad is on another continent.

When Your Support Squad Moves Away From You

I tend to rely on just a few close friends at each duty station. When one of my besties moves away, there’s a big hole in my social and support networks.

When Your Support Squad PCSes, But You Don’t

Military spouses often build support networks with other spouses simply because it works the best in terms of stability. My kids’ school knows to call the emergency contacts right after they call me, just in case their dad is away.

Suddenly, I was adrift without my person. Yes, my spouse was still there with me, but he’s in and out for the most part.

My days were less full after she PCSed. No more morning spur-of-the-moment coffee dates or afternoons spent watching the kids play. I couldn’t run across the street for sugar or to grab dinner with when the guys were gone. She was a world away from me.

It’s OK to Grieve

Military spouses are used to change. It’s practically our middle name! Between deployments and PCSing and weird TDY schedules, our lives are in flux. But no matter where we live, we build our support networks to help keep our sanity.

When your friend PCSes while you stay behind, you’re losing a piece of your life. Things are going to change drastically, even though it seems like everything will be remaining the same.

It’s OK to grieve. Give yourself permission to feel sad, to withdraw or to be upset at the military powers that be.

Rebuild Your Network

I tend to rely on just a few close friends at each duty station. It’s easier for me to manage emotionally than a constantly rotating crew. When one of my besties moves away, there’s a big hole in my social and support networks.

Even though I’m missing my pal, I know that it’s important to keep in touch with the other folks in my circle. They might also be missing your PCSed friend too.

Reach out to your local friends and put some events on your calendars. Getting out there and connecting with friends can help you to feel better! Plus, you’ll remind yourself that your support network does still exist. You’ve got people to turn to where you are, even if you forgot about it for a minute.

If you’re truly flying solo, it’s time to make new connections. One great way to find new friends is to connect through your unit’s family readiness group or social activities. Find a group, like Stroller Warriors or religious study or PTO, to join. You’ll find like-minded individuals who might be looking for their “person” too!

Stay in Touch

Remember, your friend is still out there, even though you’re not co-located anymore. While they can’t handle daycare pickup or meet you for lunch, you can still find support from each other.

Our social media world offers us the chance to connect virtually around the world! Share photos, send messages and video chat as often as you can. You can still share a cup of tea over Skype or gripe about the latest visit from Deployment Murphy.

Old-fashioned snail mail is another great way to stay connected. Build care packages to send for special occasions or just whenever the mood strikes. Fill a box or big envelope with letters, local treats and thoughtful gifts that will bring a smile to your friend’s face.

Whenever possible arrange a visit to their new location. You’ll be able to score some amazing face time and explore a new place at the same time. You could make it a girls weekend and leave the kids at home. Or bring the whole family for a giant reunion!

It’s a Small Military

Depending on your branch of service or your spouse’s job, there is a strong chance that you might end up stationed together again!

Many military families keep rotating between the same few duty stations over the course of a career. While you may be separated now, you could end up just down the street or a town apart after the next move.

Even if you don’t end up neighbors quite so soon, you might find mutual friends after your next move. Building new friendships based on your older ones is a great way to expand your circle.

Do you have any tips for building a support network after a close friend moves away? Share your experiences in the comments!

4 Problems Military Children Face That Are Rarely Talked About

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Shining eyes and happy smiles. This is how the public often sees military children. These joyful homecoming images are broadcast on the news, shared on social media and printed in newspapers and magazines.

While everything seems wonderful and picture-perfect, many military children face hidden struggles behind the scenes.

4 Problems Military Children Face That Aren’t Talked About

Anxiety and Separation Fears

Over the last 15 years, deployment and operational tempos have been high. This means that for many military children, mom, dad or both parents have been frequently away from home.

Forward deployed troops have been in active combat zones, taking fire. Even at home, accidents happen during TDY, TAD or routine training exercises.

All of these separations and “what if” situations take a heavy toll on military children. Often these stressors can show up in behavioral, emotional and academic changes.

4 Problems Military Children Face That Are Rarely Talked About

While everything seems wonderful and picture-perfect, many military children face personal struggles.

Children might act out at school, home or both. They could show unusual aggression or attention-seeking behaviors. Some children withdraw or become distant from friends, teachers and family members. Still other children become noticeably upset when their parent leaves, even for short periods, or when there are unexpected changes, like a substitute teacher at school. Grades might decline too.

All of these reactions are common and can coexist.

Solutions:

If you or a teacher notices a significant difference in your child’s emotions, behaviors or academic performance, take notice. Acting sooner rather than later can make all the difference.

A great first step is to reach out to the Military Family Life Counselor on your base or the school’s counselor. Set up a meeting to share your concerns with them and give permission for them to engage with your child. After speaking with your child, they might be able to offer options for ongoing solutions or care.

Another great step is to connect with Military One Source. They offer free, confidential help on the phone and through referrals to providers near you. You might be able to access mental health care and solutions quickly with this resource.

Next, reach out to your child’s school and teachers. Explain your concerns and ask to develop a plan together to help address the changes in your child.

It’s important to approach this as a team, with mental health providers, school and home working together to help your child get back on track.

Gaps in Learning

On average, military children move 6 to 9 times during their K-12 school years. Every time a military family moves, they must adjust to a new set of state learning standards and expectations. Even if a child is able to stay within the DoDEA system, there might still be small gaps in knowledge.

With each move, military children miss several weeks of class time. All that absent time can add up, with missing information about fractions here or confusion about phonics there.

Solutions:

Working with a tutor, either in person or online, is a great way for military families to help close those academic gaps. Tutor.com offers free online tutoring for military families.

Additionally, many military spouses are credentialed teachers. Often these education professionals offer reasonably priced tutoring and have a good understanding of what military children need.

School Transferring Issues

For students in high school, a PCS can spell disaster for their academic ranking, graduation timeline or transcript. Too often there is confusion about which courses are required at different schools or how GPAs are calculated. While schools are supposed to make good faith efforts to ensure on-time graduation, there can still be issues.

Students who have IEPs and 504 Plan, as well as those qualified for Gifted and Talented Education, also face issues when they PCS.

There are no federal protections and only limited state guidelines for students identified as Gifted and Talented. This means that a student could qualify in School A, but be dropped from the program in School B.

IEPs and 504 Plans are federally protected education plans that must be followed with fidelity. Even during a PCS, plans are supposed to be followed as closely as possible. However, different states have varying qualification and classification standards, as well as different resources available. IEPs and 504 Plans can look very different school to school, and state to state.

Plus, for all of these different education plans, the school has the right to re-evaluate students to determine eligibility.

Solutions:

Before you move, connect with your next school and coordinate transferring documents from the old school. Let the new school know about any special circumstances or educational needs your child might have.

As you’re transferring, connect with the School Liaison Officer (SLO) at your next base. They can often assist with transferring everything that your child needs. They should be able to assist you with using MIC3, an agreement designed to assist military children moving between states.

If you get stuck or have concerns, you might need more help than the SLO can provide or that you can’t navigate solo. At that point, it’s time to consider hiring a professional education advocate. There are several advocates in our community that specialize in assisting military families and/or work remotely.

Caring for Injured Parents

All too often, parents return from deployment with physical or mental injuries. These injuries might be very visible or they could be hidden and undiagnosed. Either way, military children are involved in the daily care of that parent and must cope with life changes.

There are many changes to family dynamics and behaviors when a parent returns with hidden or visible injuries. Too often children are shouldering a larger share of adult responsibility at home.

The stressors are similar to experiencing anxiety or stress due to deployments or separations. The symptoms of a child who is overwhelmed with coping with life changes due to their parent’s injuries might be the same as well.

Solutions:

If your family is experiencing changes due to your service member’s injury, it’s important to reach out for help. The Elizabeth Dole Foundation offers resources and connections to help caregivers and families of wounded warriors.

Asking for assistance from other families members, friends or the community is important. It may feel hard, but building a strong team is important for everyone’s long-term success and well being.

Finally, beginning individual and family counseling can be beneficial. You can find a provider through a referral from your doctor or through Military One Source’s resources.

What problems do you think military children face?

(Full disclosure: Meg Flanagan operates MilKids Ed, an education advocacy service and blog for military families.)

What I Wish I’d Known Before Becoming a Military Spouse

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I’ve heard it, have you?

“You knew what you were getting into.”

It’s often delivered by a more seasoned spouse when another person appears to be complaining about military life. Other times we hear this from well-meaning members of the civilian population. Either way, I most certainly did not fully grasp what I was getting into when I married my military husband. I’m betting you didn’t know either.

What I Wish I'd Known Before Becoming a Military Spouse

What do you wish you had known before you became a military spouse?

What I Wish I’d Known Before Becoming a Military Spouse

How to Move Homes

Before that first PCS, the biggest “move” of my life was for a one-semester study abroad in, wait for it, Canada. I’m from New England. It was like moving next door.

As I dove into the military spouse world, I quickly realized I was in over my head. Everyone else had binders and plans and apps and lists of serial numbers (with photos attached).

I had, well, nothing.

Over time, I’ve picked up a few tricks. I wash and then bag clothes, bed linens and towels. Food and water are supplied for the packers and movers, but I watch them like a hawk too. I always leave some extra toilet paper in the bathroom along with some room spray.

All the Acronyms

I’m a teacher. We use acronyms for everything. I thought I was prepared…until the military came to town. At first, my eyes glazed over and my mouth went slack, complete with a strand of drool. Every other “word” out of my husband’s mouth seemed to be a random string of letters.

Luckily, I found a few great military spouse guidebooks that really explained some of these acronyms to me. The rest? I either asked my spouse, turned to a friend or Googled it. I’m still figuring some acronyms out.

Legal Eagle

Military life goes hand in hand with lawyers, it seems. I knew that real adults needed things, like wills and stuff. I just wasn’t prepared to dive in right away.

Nope, the military had other ideas! I quickly learned what a POA was, and that I would need several different versions to actually run my life during deployment. I also learned about wills, DNRs, insurance policies and SCRA. I wish that someone had sat me down during pre-military marriage counseling for the lawyer talk.

How to Pick a Rental Property

I’m a decade into this ride and I still feel like I’m winging this one for the most part. Luckily, my father-in-law is super handy at home and taught my husband well. But I don’t know that I would know what to look for that indicates a terrible home.

The first time around? Our off-base rental had rats. Another home (or two) had funky windows and an old heating system. Our current on-base home was assigned without other options, but it’s got a few geckos. Yes, you read that right.

I would still love a comprehensive checklist with what to look for in a rental property. If you’ve got this, please hit me up!

Ask for Help

Before 2008, I mostly flew solo. I felt competent and confident about everything, from school to love to housing. And then I got married and he left for a long time.

I needed help, but I wasn’t sure how to ask for it. I’d never needed anything more serious than a recommendation letter or a little string pulled.

Now, I needed help moving into our house, finding friends, figuring out finances and navigating a new location. It was a lot.

Luckily, I ended up in base housing (after the rat situation). I was surrounded by other brand new spouses plus a few experienced friends. With a little help, I figured it all out, mostly. Now I can share a little of my wisdom with other spouses.

Your Heart Breaks

To prepare myself for military life, I watched military classics. Namely: “Top Gun” and “An Officer and A Gentleman.” I was prepared for the romance, the mystery.

What I wasn’t prepared for? The moment that bus pulls out for 9 to 12 months. No one told me how much it would physically hurt to be away from my spouse.

They also didn’t prepare me for the other goodbyes that were coming. Every few years, deployment or not, my heart breaks again when we move. I’ve stood in more parking lots than I care to think about, tears streaming down my face. Saying “farewell,” even “see you later,” to dear friends is heart-wrenching.

The Best People

Unless you live in this community, you don’t truly get it. I’ve never met a more diverse group of individuals. The military welcomes everyone. It could be terrible. There are a lot of opposing viewpoints and beliefs here that have the potential to erupt.

Instead, everyone seems to have adopted the idea that we are in this together. No one hesitates to offer help to another family in need. I’ve had almost complete strangers step up when I was too sick to be around my child. Other friends save coupons for me to use while we’re OCONUS. We share rental recommendations, school information and the lowdown on making the best of a bad situation.

Some of my absolute best friends, the gals who are in my life forever, are military spouses.

I wish someone had told me how amazing this community is before I stepped into this life. The people we’ve met along the way have made all the difference for us.

What do you wish you had known before you became a military spouse? Tell us in the comments!

7 Tips from a Military Spouse to Her Younger Self

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I won’t say I’m old, but if there was a miracle pill to knock a couple of years off, I’d be interested.

For all of my fears and frustrations about getting older, I know I have earned every gray hair, every fine line. They tell the story of a life that, while it’s had its ups and downs, I really can’t complain about it too much.

But as I watch my oldest child begin to figure out her place in the world and prepare to move out on her own, it got me thinking about myself at her age.

If given the chance what would I want my younger military spouse self to know? What imparting wisdom could I dish out to help make my future just a bit better?

Here’s what I came up with:

7 Tips from a Military Spouse to Her Younger Self

If given the chance what would I want my younger military spouse self to know?

7 Tips from a Military Spouse to Her Younger Self

Attend College

Less than half of American adults have a college degree. I was part of the majority without one until just a couple of years ago.

While a college degree won’t solve every problem, it can open doors and help with career advancement and employment.

Many military spouses already have a degree or some form of formal training before they become military spouses, which is amazing!  But don’t stop learning. If you’re like me and on the 20+ year plan or you are looking for a second or advanced degree, utilize the resources the military community has to offer.

Programs like MyCAA can help junior enlisted and officer spouses to obtain or continue pursuit of a degree. There are scholarships only available to military dependents and there are a great many programs and universities who offer discounted rates to military spouses.

Get your college degree – it will pay off in so many ways.

Find Your Passion

As you move from place to place, a passion or hobby can make wherever you are stationed feel like home.

A passion gives you something to occupy your time when your spouse is fighting in parts unknown.

A passion gives you something to look forward to when those horrible-terrible-no-good-very-bad days rear their ugly heads.

And your passion just might be the icebreaker you need to make new friends who share a similar interest or who are interested in learning.

Learn to Budget/Schedule/Plan

Mind-numbing waiting at the doctor’s office, empty bank accounts and frantic searches for missing berets or boots at zero dark-thirty can all be avoided with some forethought.

If creating spending plans (and sticking to them) or developing schedules and plans doesn’t come naturally to you, buy a book, or take a class or print off one of the million or so examples on Pinterest.

Get good at being organized. It will pay off a thousand-fold in both your finances and sanity.

Pick Your Friends Wisely

It is all too easy to latch onto an unhealthy friendship when you feel out of place or lonely. But, sometimes those friendships born of low-hanging fruit can do more harm than good.

Put in the effort to build real friendships that last. Don’t write people off because of appearances or even first impressions.

Hint: real friendships don’t equal drama, drama, drama!

Save for a Rainy Day

Before you know it, you’ll be looking at retirement.

Or the need for a new car.

Or the desire to buy a house.

Or the desire to have a baby (or two or three!).

This lesson isn’t really military spouse specific, but it is one I wish I had learned much sooner.

Always, always, always, pay yourself first. Even if it’s just $10 a paycheck, get into the habit of putting money away. Your future self with thank you, trust me.

Buy Smart and Don’t Buy on Credit

Hand in hand with saving, be smart about your money. If you can at all avoid it, skip using credit cards for anything other than emergencies.

That $500 want-it-now purchase suddenly turns into a $1,000 burden when you add in all the interest.

Be patient and save until you can afford to pay cash for what you need.

At the same time, don’t deprive yourself of things. Go back to the lesson about budgeting and figure out a way to be smart about what you buy.

Enjoy and Experience

Don’t let the experience of being a military spouse pass you by without taking time to enjoy it.

While the challenges are difficult and never-ending, the benefits and experiences this life has to offer are second to none. See the world, taste the food, take pictures. Meet people, try new things, explore.

Learn to laugh at mistakes, empathize with your neighbor and trust that your presence in every place and moment has a purpose and a reason.

What advice would you give to your younger self? Share it in the comment section.

How Does Tricare Work When You ‘Move Home’ for the Deployment?

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Fate has a peculiar sense of humor when it comes to military families.

Over the years, I swear no sooner had I

a) gotten settled in at a job I loved

b) found out I was pregnant

c) gotten settled in a job I loved and found out I was pregnant at the same time,

did my hubby call me up and say, “So, I just came down on orders for deployment.”

And while I had my share of long visits with family, I never made the choice that many military spouses make to move back home during a deployment. Being the one left to manage the homefront while your service member is down range isn’t dangerous, but it can be overwhelming. Medical issues, kids and just plain old loneliness make moving into your parents’ basement or a studio apartment up the street from your best friend very tempting.

In hindsight, moving back to a guaranteed support system and a familiar place would have probably lowered my stress level tremendously.

How Does Tricare Work When You "Move Home" for the Deployment?

Tricare makes it very easy to get medical care, no matter where you live.

If you are contemplating moving home during a deployment, you may be wondering how or if Tricare coverage will work for your family. Can you seek treatment in a location other than your duty station? What if home is on the other side of the county? What if it’s on the other side of the world?

Here’s what you need to know about Tricare coverage if going home makes the most sense for you.

Tricare has made it very easy to get medical care, no matter where you live. And no matter where you move, you’ll still be covered.

Most active-duty families are enrolled in Tricare Prime. More often than not, if you move to a location within the United States you’ll be able to stay enrolled in Tricare Prime, but there are a few caveats:

  1. If you live within 30 minutes of a Military Treatment Facility (MTF) and they have Primary Care Managers availability, you MUST use that facility for care. If they do not have a PCM availability, you will need to pick a PCM from an approved network of doctors.
  2. If you live more than 30 minutes, but no more than 100 miles away from a MTF and they have a PCM availability, you can apply to receive care there, but the decision is made at the facility’s discretion. If they do not have availability, you will need to pick a PCM from an approved network of providers.
  3. If there is no available MTF or network PCM, it may be necessary to enroll in a different Tricare plan. These might include Tricare Standard or Tricare Standard Overseas. To check to see which plan is available in your area, use the Plan Finder tool on the Tricare website.

As you might imagine, Tricare service providers don’t exactly have a crystal ball, so if you are planning on moving, you will need to let them know. It’s as easy as a quick phone call, but don’t forget to do it or you may find it difficult to receive care or worse yet, end up with a bill. Plan and treatment options are based on the address where you will be living (see the caveats above).

If you need some time to find a place to live that’s OK, just make sure you get any routine care before moving. You can seek urgent and emergency care out of region while you are moving, but things like physicals will likely not be covered while you are in transit.

When the time comes and you are ready to move back to be with your service member, don’t forget to let Tricare know you are switching back.

Did you decide to move home during a deployment? Did you have any issues with using your Tricare insurance while living away from a military base?

When Will My House Feel Like Home?

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Moving. It’s part and parcel to the whole military family way of life.

When Will My House Feel Like Home?

How long does it take until you feel at home in a new duty station?

If you are new to the military, then you might only have a couple of moves under your belt. If you’re like me, a more “seasoned” military spouse and brat, then you probably need a moment to tally all the places you’ve called home.

Hand in hand with constantly finding a “new’ home, comes a lingering feeling of transience.

At what point does that freshly painted on-post duplex or 4-bedroom off-base house start to feel like home?

When I Was a Kid

When I was a kid, my active-duty parents whisked me across oceans to both Europe and Asia. Every trip meant picking out the must-have toy to take with me and saying goodbye to every other toy and possession, sometimes for months at a time.

Nothing made a house feel more like home than getting to unpack all my things and finding just the right spot for each and every toy.

Add in a few Saturday morning cartoons and the occasional batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies and things were golden.

When your household goods finally arrive, make setting up your child’s room a priority. Then, try to get back into a routine as quickly as you can. Bedtime stories, bath time, and yes, even cookies, can help take the fear out of a new place. Young kids are amazingly resilient, but familiar items and routines will help them to adjust.

When I Was a Teen

The older I got, the harder it got to move. While unpacking my things helped me to feel settled, a sense of home never really surfaced until we returned to our normal routine.

Things like school and (I can’t believe I am saying this!) Saturday morning chores made me forget that things were new. I guess nothing says home like homework and a toilet brush.

If you have a teenager in your home (or, God help you, more than one, like me!), the same rules apply about routine. As a parent, try to be patient.

The adjustment might take a little longer for your teenagers, but it will come.

Take advantage of opportunities to create special memories in your new home, even some specifically associated with moving.

Use up some of that seemingly endless supply of packing paper for a paper snowball fight.

Take turns picking a place for dinner so you can explore your new neighborhood.

And make sure you take time to Skype or email friends from your last duty station. A familiar voice can help make the transition a little easier.

When I Was an Adult

For a brief time, in my late teens and early twenties I ventured out into the world on my own. I stayed with extended family and a few friends as I worked my way through college, but it never really felt like home. Even moving into my own apartment felt empty and lonely.

Shortly thereafter I joined the Army. My barracks room became my inspection-ready sanctuary and my barracks-mates my family. But we all knew those digs were only temporary and none of us ever really felt like we were home.

It wasn’t until I married my husband and we started our own family that I felt like I had a home again.  Hanging curtains, painting walls and making sure that every box was unpacked or hidden away in storage was and is always the first step to making it feel like home again for us.

Enjoy the process of discovery that comes from unpacking all of those things you love. Then, once you’ve emptied all of those boxes, make a point to entertain a few guests if you can.

Nothing makes a house feel more like a home than putting out a welcome mat and extending a little hospitality.

Dozens of Moves Later

Just over a year ago, we purchased what will be our last home as an active-duty Army family. Bits and pieces of the life we have built are seen in every corner, but it is only recently that this house has started to feel like home to me.

My kids are nearly grown, with one already discussing plans to move out. And so, the idea of home is changing once again.

How can it be home if we are not all together? Will our home become just a living museum of the memories collected as we traveled from place to place?

I suppose only time will tell.

How long does it take until you feel at home in a new duty station?

How I Fell in Love with Okinawa

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Every fiber of my being was grouchy about our plane ride last summer. We were heading to Okinawa, Japan’s tropical paradise. Land of shisa dogs, soba noodles and coral beaches.

How I Fell in Love with Okinawa

Okinawa is the perfect location for traveling around Asia.

Except I did not want to go. Okinawa wasn’t even on our wish list. However, in typical military fashion, the career planner went off-book and sent us here anyway.

It would have been easy to wallow and sink into despair. Instead, I decided to find ways to enjoy my time here.

7 Ways to Fall in Love with Okinawa

Meet a Local

My first clue that I would, eventually, love Okinawa happened in our first 48 hours. Our friend is married to a lovely Okinawan. She could have easily laughed at my jet-legged attempts to maneuver chopsticks. Instead, she took us on a tour of grocery stores and helped me find non-dairy foods.

Everywhere we go, my children are cooed at and loved on by almost everyone. Men and women stroke their chubby arms or legs, exclaim over their tiny smiles and offer (wrapped) candies to my preschooler. I once had a very lovely gentleman purchase a pack of nuts at Starbucks and give them to me. He told me to eat “for the baby.”

And while there is some tension, it’s understandable. The United States defeated Japan in World War II and Okinawa survived a horrific battle that claimed many lives. However, helpfulness and generosity are what I’ve experienced most often on this island.

Local ladies took the time to show me how to properly sift bean sprouts. Wait staff have gone out of their way to help me find dairy-free options at restaurants. People sing out “Ohayo gozaimasu!” as I run past.

Get Groceries

One of my very first favorite things to do here was to go grocery shopping at local stores and farmers markets. It’s a whole new world, filled with cute logos and bright colors.

In Okinawa, almost every packaged food item has a cute character or logo. Every label is a riot of color and the bigger grocery stores are filled with upbeat music.

It is so much fun to purchase local foods and then figure out how to cook with them. Okinawa sweet potatoes and okonomiyaki, or egg/meat/cabbage omelets, are becoming a major staple in our house!

Discover the Daiso

My favorite thing at the mall is the Daiso. It’s basically like an American dollar store, but better. Everything is about $1 and each store carries items from food to gardening supplies. I can find almost anything I need at the Daiso. Plus, all the items are high quality.

Beach Time

Quick! Do a Google image search for Okinawa. Want to know what pops up?

It’s beaches! White coral sand beaches with turquoise blue waters and a reef just off shore.

When I’m feeling down and out about living here, I head to the beach. A few hours of relaxing in the sun with my toes in the sand or hunting for pretty shells usually sets me right.

Or I can go beneath the waves with my snorkel gear to check out the colorful fish and coral. If I were more adventurous, I would get SCUBA certified and dive with the whale sharks.

Local Culture

Okinawa is part of Japan now, but it was its own kingdom for thousands of years. The traditions of the Ryukyu Kingdom are still present today across the island.

Every summer, Eisa dancers drum and sing to celebrate Obon. It’s a celebration that begs for audience participation and enthusiasm. The beat is infectious! Theme parks celebrating Okinawan culture have troupes of Eisa dancers that perform year-round.

The island is dotted with the ruins of ancient castles from the Ryukyu period. Most are open and accessible to the public, usually for free or a small fee. I love to tour the reconstructed Shuri Castle, a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It’s so powerful to walk in the footsteps of kings!

Sushi, Soba and Sake

I was a sushi lover before I moved here, but it’s reached a whole new level in Okinawa. My main reason: sushi-go-round. It’s exactly what it sounds like. A conveyer belt carries delicious raw fish delicacies to my table. And instead of overstuffed fancy rolls, I get simply prepared fish on plain rice dressed up with soy sauce or wasabi. Yum!

Japan is a land of noodles and I plan on eating all of them. From ramen to udon to soba, I am a noodle fanatic. Okinawa has a local variant of soba with different noodles made entirely of wheat. The broth is rich and full of flavor from the pork ribs.

Sake is one of the best known beverages of Japan. In Oki, they make awamori. It’s a local variant of the traditional alcoholic beverage. All over Okinawa there are izakayas or pubs, that offer endless varieties of sake and awamori, plus local beer and plum wine.

Book a Flight

Okinawa is the perfect location for traveling around Asia. It’s under 3 hours by air to mainland Japan, South Korea, Taiwan and Hong Kong. It’s just a little farther to China, Thailand, Singapore, Cambodia and Vietnam.

Flights are pretty cheap if you fly the discounted airlines. It’s possible to explore all of Asia on a budget. I plan to see as many places as I can!

If you had told me a year ago that I would like Okinawa, even a little bit, I would have laughed. Instead, here I am, firmly in love with my little island.

Have you lived in Okinawa? What are your favorite memories or experiences? Tell us in the comments!

12 Great Ideas for Parent-Child Date Night

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Life gets busy. Stopping every so often to connect with your family and nurture relationships is vital to building a strong family unit.

While you might already take the time to bond with your spouse, it’s also important to connect with your children. Having one-on-one time can help you to talk about the tough stuff or create sweet memories. Use our ideas as a starting point for great parent-child date nights.

12 Great Ideas for Parent-Child Date Night

Dinner and a Movie

A sweet spin on a classic. Dinner and a movie is a sure-fire winner. Instead of going to a fancy place with white tablecloths, opt for a kid-friendly spot. A local diner can make good meals fast and the menu is usually pretty easy. Next, head to the theater to take in a new movie. If there isn’t anything playing, pick something to stream or rewatch a favorite movie at home.

Take a Hike

Getting outside will accomplish 2 goals. First, you’ll get some exercise and fresh air. Second, you’ll have your child all to yourself in the wilderness. Find a kid-friendly hiking trail near you and go. For added fun, pack a picnic with sparkling grape juice or seltzer water.

12 Great Ideas for Parent-Child Date Night

What ideas do you have for a parent-child date night?

Strike!

Bring your best game at the bowling alley! Most military bases have bowling lanes that offer shoe rentals and games at discount prices. Since bowling alleys usually have a snack bar, indulge in hot dogs, nachos and candy. You could make this a regular parent/child date and track who wins the most. There are also tons of bowling leagues to join.

Peanuts and Cracker Jacks

If bowling isn’t your thing, catch a few strikes at the baseball diamond. Whether you are going to a major league game or catching your local college team, baseball games are a great time to connect with a sports-loving kid. Buy some popcorn, cotton candy and, yes, Cracker Jacks to make the day extra special.

This type of parent/child date could be repeated for basketball, soccer, football and other spectator sports.

I Scream for Ice Cream

Parent-child dates don’t have to be expensive or over-the-top. Something as simple as grabbing a few scoops of ice cream together can be wonderful. You could head to your local favorite and order the usual. Or find another spot with rave reviews and take a short road trip.

Paint Night

While there are definitely many adult versions of this, some companies also offer a more family-friendly version. If not, this might be something to suggest to your PTO as a fundraiser. Laugh and be silly with your child as you both create beautiful works of art!

Take a Class Together

Wherever you are, there are sure to be lots of places that offer specialty classes. Many specialty stores also offer classes to customers. Find something that you and your child are both passionate about and enroll today. You’ll be learning a new skill and have regularly scheduled time together.

Play Hooky

A great way to build a bond, especially with older children, is to play hooky together. Call into work and pick up your child early. Then go out to lunch, grab a coffee and swing through a few stores. It will feel like you’re breaking the rules together and give you great one-on-one time when the crowds at the mall are smaller.

Beach Day

Yes, it can be fun to bring the whole family to the beach. It feels even more special when you go alone with your child. For starters, there will be less stuff to trek to the sand. Second, relaxing on the beach together or splashing in the waves can help you to start conversations and connect.

Roller Coasters

This is a more extravagant date but is super fun if you live near a theme park or have a fair in town. Take your child out for the day, or night, to ride a few thrilling rides together. Just remember to eat the tasty theme park treats after you take on the roller coasters.

Cultural Immersion

For the child that loves art, theater and music a parent-child cultural date might be the way to go. Pick a museum, concert or play to attend together. After, talk about your favorite moments or artworks over lunch.

All About Me

For this parent-child date, let your child take the reins. Let your child plan all or part of a day together. From where and what you eat to the activities, your child will be calling the shots. This is a great way to figure out what makes him or her tick.

An Important Parent-Child Date Tip

Make sure that you are creating dates based on your child and his or her interests. Taking an art-obsessed child to a baseball game might not go over too well.

It’s also important to remember to consider your other children. Arrange your dates so that your spouse is with your other children. Be sure to spread the solo time around evenly as well.

What ideas do you have for a parent-child date night? Share them in the comments!

5 Creative and Useful Ways to Welcome Your New Neighbor

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It’s PCS season. You are either moving into a new neighborhood or someone new is moving into your neighborhood.

Finding a friendly face can make all the difference in adjusting to a new home. Here are 5 creative ideas on how to welcome your new neighbors.

5 Creative and Useful Ways to Welcome Your New Neighbor

No matter what you do to welcome your new neighbors, just reaching out to say hi is enough to make them feel happy.

5 Creative and Useful Ways to Welcome Your New Neighbor

Deliver a Home-Cooked Meal

There’s nothing quite like home-cooked food when you’ve been eating out during a PCS. Think about how long you actually go without a good home-cooked meal when moving. You stop cooking ahead of packing to make sure everything is clean, organized and ready to be boxed up. Then your kitchen gets packed and you find your family eating out until everything is unpacked in your new home. That can be a lot of takeout meals or at least microwaved dinners.

Welcome your new neighbors with something you’ve cooked. It doesn’t need to be a whole meal. You could make lasagna, enchiladas, a pasta dish or a breakfast casserole. A one plate meal makes clean up easy for the new family and they will be grateful to have a home-cooked meal. You could also bake cookies, brownies or sweet bread. Anything homemade will be welcomed over takeout.

Give Them Your Favorite Local Takeout Menus

If you aren’t that ambitious or you just aren’t sure what the family likes to eat, bring them local takeout menus. It can be fun trying new restaurants when moving to a new area, but it also can be intimidating. You don’t want to waste your money on something that turns out not to be good. If you don’t know anyone locally to ask their opinion on restaurants, you just have to try them and find out first-hand.

A list of good restaurants and perhaps restaurants to avoid is a great welcome gift to new neighbors. You likely have some takeout menus in your junk drawer at home so you won’t even have to make a trip out.

Offer to Pick Up Basic Essentials from the Commissary

Unpacking is a daunting task. You have to get most of the boxes out of the kitchen before you can go to the commissary and get groceries in order to make a meal.

Welcome your new neighbors by offering to pick up a few basic things for them when you go to the commissary. A gallon of milk, a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs or some fresh fruit can go a long way in making someone feel at home.

Bringing over a few basics is a good way to make friends and help them settle in. Of course they will have to do a big shopping trip at some point, but bringing over some basics to get them started is really nice.

Share Your Knowledge About the Area

Finding your way around a new city can take a long time. Having a neighbor that knows the area in and out can be great. You can offer suggestions on where to eat, shop, play and explore.

Ask your new neighbors what kind of things they like to do. If they like to be outdoors, perhaps you could share information on good hiking and camping locations or outdoor recreation facilities. If the family has young children, let them know where child-friendly places are. Is there a zoo, aquarium, botanical gardens or children’s museum nearby? Let them know about traffic too. What time is rush hour and are there any roads to avoid at certain times? Valuable information can be as good of a welcome gift as a physical present.

Bring Over a Welcome Basket

If you are a creative and crafty person and want to bring over a gift, Pinterest has plenty of ideas for welcome baskets. There are a lot of clever and puny sayings to go with them as well.

One idea would be to make a movie night basket. You could put together a movie, movie theater tickets or Red Box code for a free movie night along with popcorn. Add a note that says “Just poppin’ in to say welcome to the neighborhood.”

Another idea would be to drop off a house plant with a note that says “We’re so glad the Navy (or whichever branch is applicable) planted you here.”

There are tons of ideas like these available online or perhaps you are clever enough to come up with one of your own.

No matter what you do to welcome your new neighbors, just reaching out to say hi is enough to make them feel happy. Take the first step in making friends and go over and introduce yourself. Who knows, it could be your next best friend moving in.

What is the best welcome gift you’ve received from your neighbors?

5 ‘In Uniform’ Rules All Military Spouses Should Know

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Abiding by regulations that govern the wear and care of a military uniform are a staple of any military service member’s daily routine. As military spouses, it’s common for us to get pulled into the fray, whether it’s picking up a freshly pressed dress uniform, running a pair of cammies to the tailor for a new name tape or helping to locate a missing cover.

And while we may be able to eyeball placement of ribbons or help research the regulations, it is easy to forget that there are rules our spouses must abide by while in uniform, even if we are with them.

5 'In Uniform' Rules All Military Spouses Should Know

Did you know that service members are forbidden from eating, drinking or smoking while in walking in uniform? Photo Credit: Lauren Nygard Photography

So for those of you who are new to this regulation-driven life or as a reminder to those of us who have been around for a while, here are the 5 key “in uniform” rules to remember:

Right Hand Free

To ensure a salute can be rendered when appropriate, service members generally try to keep their right hand free at all times.

As such, carrying things like umbrellas and bags have special rules. The rules for each service differ slightly, but there are provisions for the use of umbrellas while in dress or mess uniforms. The umbrella must be all black and feature no label or branding.

The same is true for bags and backpacks – all black and feature no significant or distinctive branding and there are varying rules about size and how the bag must be carried.

Military exchanges often carry items that meet regulation requirements for these items.

PDA

As much as seeing our service member in uniform might light a particular romantic fire, public displays of affection while in uniform are not allowed.

There are, of course, exceptions (aren’t there always?) for going-away and homecoming events. Weddings are another exception.

Hand-holding, hugging and kissing are generally not allowed while in uniform.

Does that mean you shouldn’t kiss your spouse goodbye if they are leaving the house and in uniform? No, but don’t let the moment evolve into a make-out session on the front porch.

Remember that while in uniform, service members are expected to maintain military decorum and bearing. It’s one of the hardest rules not to break, but an important one to remember.

While Walking You May Not…

Service members are also forbidden from eating, drinking, smoking, or wearing headphones or ear buds while walking while in uniform. As you might imagine, it would be pretty hard to render a salute and offer a respectful greeting while stuffing your face.

There are also safety considerations behind these regulations. Rules vary slightly by service, but if you want to meet up for lunch, make sure you find a place to sit and eat.

Most military installations have designated smoking areas and service members may be permitted to wear earbuds/headphones while in the PT uniform, but make sure you check your service regulations and any further guidance issued by your installation.

What About the Kids?

Care of children while in uniform enters into a bit of a gray area as far as military regulations are concerned.

For example, there are no regulations for any service that govern whether or not breastfeeding is allowed while in uniform. However, many argue that it is against regulations for blouses to be unbuttoned or undershirts to be untucked, thereby making it impossible to breastfeed without being out of regs.

However, many services and installations offer private rooms that mothers may use for breastfeeding or pumping. When in doubt, check with unit leadership and plan appropriately.

Baby slings or diaper bags are not authorized for use while in uniform and an argument can be made that carrying a child constitutes a PDA. Again, check for specific guidance issued by your particular service and try to err on the side of caution. A baby sling might not be authorized, but a stroller or baby carrier could be used instead.

Can I borrow…?

It’s hard not to want to borrow parts and pieces of the military uniform as a way to feel closer to a spouse or demonstrate your commitment and pride in their service.

However, unauthorized wear of an official uniform is against the rules. This includes patches, unit insignias, ribbons, rank, covers and PT uniforms.

It may even include uniforms that are no longer considered official. And it includes uniforms as Halloween costumes too.

There are plenty of non-uniform options that can still proclaim your pride. I won’t say I’ve never donned one of my husband’s old PT shirts while he’s been away on a deployment, but if you are going to do it, refrain from taking pictures and don’t wear it out of the house.

Did we miss any other “in uniform” rules that military spouses need to know? Let us know in the comments section.