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How to Kiss the PCS Blues Goodbye

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Spring is here and that means it’s PCS season, when military families will be moving to a new duty station and starting the next chapter in their lives.

Are you excited about the move or are you feeling the PCS blues?

What can start off as an exciting opportunity and journey can quickly turn into an overwhelming situation causing emotions to swell. That’s when the PCS blues kick in.

How to Kiss the PCS Blues Goodbye

Are you feeling the PCS blues this spring? How do you handle these unique feeling?

Never heard of the PCS blues? Think it’s made up? If you haven’t suffered from the PCS blues, that’s great, but many military spouses do.

The PCS blues are a sense of dread that comes over you as you leave a home, city and family that you’ve become comfortable in and transition to a new environment.

Change is a hard thing and it can wreak havoc on the most seasoned spouse’s emotions.

Depression is real and even if you don’t reach the point of the clinical definition of being depressed, there may be just that lingering feeling of dread or sadness to say goodbye to a life you knew.

That’s the PCS blues.

As a skeptic, you might say military spouses knew what they signed up for when they said “I do.” It wasn’t just the person they were marrying, it was also the military and a life of constant change. We do all know what we’re getting into, that doesn’t mean anyone’s feelings are any less real or unsubstantiated.

Each time the military sends you to a new duty station the routine of settling in begins again. A move can start out fun. It’s a new adventure. You’ll have new opportunities to see things, experience things and discover new things. It comes at a cost though and that’s leaving behind the things you’ve grown to love. Take some time to find closure and say goodbye to those things and then embrace your new life.

This could help ward off the PCS blues.

Follow these 4 tips to keep your emotions in check and make the most out of PCS season.

Say Goodbye to Your Friends

No one likes to say goodbye. It’s hard. It can take a long time to make friends and it’s always sad to leave them as you move on to a new duty station.

Take some time to say goodbye in a meaningful way. Make a coffee date, movie date or play date with your friends.

Create a lasting memory. I started a tradition with good friends at Christmas. Instead of buying commercial gifts we exchange homemade Christmas ornaments. That way, each year we think of each other as we decorate our trees.

You’re bound to have something in common, maybe just an inside joke between friends. Create a way to keep that lasting memory before you say goodbye. Having closure may keep the PCS blues away once you move.

Do What You’ve Been Meaning to Do

Always wanted to try a certain restaurant in the area? Do it.

Been talking about hiking a nature trail in the country? Do it.

There’s no time like last minute to make you finally go for it. You might regret it if you don’t.

Maybe it’s a simple thing like stopping into a local eatery or shop. Maybe you’ve been meaning to taste a regional delicacy but have been too afraid. You might not ever have the chance to do it again.

Then again, moving is constant and you could end up back in that city one day. Why take the chance in missing out though?

Prepare Yourself Mentally for the Move

You do so much prep work when getting ready to move. Organizing the house before the movers come, shutting off and turning on utilities, checking out of school and signing up for new ones can all keep your mind busy. Take a moment to ready yourself for the move as well, not just physically but mentally.

You are moving. This is really happening. Get excited about the move. Don’t just go through the motions.

Kiss the PCS blues goodbye by starting out with a positive attitude.

Yes, it’s sad to leave but there are so many new things heading your way. Look at that as a wonderful opportunity. You will make friends again. You will fall in love with a coffee shop, yoga class or play date in your new town. It is going to be OK.

Get Out of Your House

Once you move into your next home, get out of the house. There are a million boxes to unpack and a long list of things to do, but the PCS blues might set in if you don’t check out every once in a while.

Take a break from it all and and get out of the house, and out of your head. Contact your ombudsman or FRG leader. Look on social media for local meet-up groups. Join a gym and sign up for a class. Go explore your new town. Take a walk in the park and get some fresh air. You need a break and you might just meet someone that will turn into your next best friend.

Moving to a new location can be hard. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ll make friends again. You’ll fall in love with the area, and then it will be time to do it all over again.

Are you feeling the PCS blues this spring? How do you handle this unique feeling?

Resources for New Mothers Struggling with Postpartum Depression

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You’re having a baby. Congratulations! What a wonderful, exciting and terrifying time. Let’s add a PCS in there to help those already fluctuating hormones. If this is you, take a deep breath and find comfort that you are not the first milspouse to be expecting, moving and seeing your spouse off all at the same time. You are not alone.

Resources for New Mothers Struggling with Postpartum Depression

Knowing the signs of postpartum depression and recognizing it in yourself is the first step.

There is a great network of support out there for you; you just need to know how to find it and we’re here to help.

I am a planner. Things don’t always work out the way you want it to though, especially when you’re married to the military.

We planned and conceived our child while on shore duty and when I was 6 months into the pregnancy we PCSed from Florida to Virginia. I went from a small town I knew well where I had a job, friends and family to a big city where I had to find new doctors on my own while my husband went through chief’s initiation (read never home). He came home one day and told me he would be deploying shortly after our son would be born. That is a lot for a pregnant woman to handle.

Pregnancy hormones are often talked about and every woman’s experience is different. This was my first pregnancy. I was pretty optimistic, a happy person that took things in stride. I was very excited about our new life adventure. Basically, I was on a happy stride during my pregnancy. Then the baby came. What goes up must come down, or so the saying goes. I was so happy to be a new mother, to hold our precious 5.7 pound peanut and to have my husband here for the delivery. When I went home though, my hormones changed as my body adjusted to motherhood.

People don’t really talk about postpartum depression as a personal experience. It wasn’t until I had my baby that so many friends told me how depressed they were after giving birth.

How could anyone be depressed at having a wonderful child of their own? It isn’t something you can control, that’s how.

I consider myself a very strong person and didn’t want to admit to myself, let alone anyone else, that this could be something that I would face personally. But how do you deal with it?

Resources for New Mothers Struggling with Postpartum Depression

People don’t really talk about postpartum depression as a personal experience. Source: Photosavvy via flickr

Knowing the signs of postpartum depression and recognizing it in yourself is the first step; being brave enough to get help is the next. Postpartum Progress puts it in simple terms with a list of questions you should ask yourself. Does this sound like you?

  • You feel completely overwhelmed and helpless.
  • You feel guilty for feeling this way and that you are a terrible person for not being happy as you think you should be.
  • You want to hurt your baby or yourself or to run away from your family.
  • You feel angry, annoyed, irritated, sad or nothing at all.
  • You just know you are not yourself.

If this sounds like you, then reach out and get help. It might be terrifying, you might feel ashamed to admit it to friends or family, but you will feel so much better when you do. There are many resources for milspouses:

  • Utilize Tricare and talk to your doctor. She can give you a referral to a specialist.
  • Military OneSource is a free resource specifically for military families. They offer online support, live calls and links to find in-person help. I also like their guide to having a baby while your spouse is deployed.
  • Postpartum Support International offers live phone sessions where you can speak with a certified specialist. There are local support groups you can join and online resources as well.

    Resources for New Mothers Struggling with Postpartum Depression

    What resources would you recommend for new moms?

  • MOPS, Mothers of Preschoolers, is a wonderful group. It’s actually for moms of children from birth through kindergarten. It isn’t a postpartum depression group; it’s a group of mothers that laugh, cry, eat and talk about motherhood. If you are struggling in any way, go meet some other moms. You’ll learn you aren’t alone. I did.
  • Milspouses are great resources too. Talk to your best friend, your neighbor, your FRG leader or ombudsman. Just talking to another grownup can make a difference. Getting out of your pajamas and out of the house often can as well. Go to a spouse brunch or say yes to an invitation to coffee.
  • Talk to your spouse. This should be the first step, but for some it’s the hardest.

No matter which route you take, there is help out there for you. Reading this article was your first step, which one will you take next? Remember you are not alone.

What resources would you recommend for new moms?