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How to Amp up the Holiday Spirit When Your Spouse Is Deployed

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I love the holiday season. It’s my absolute favorite time of year because it brings families together to celebrate the wonderful things in our lives. When I was single and lived away from my parents, I always made my way back to my childhood home. It meant everything to be able to spend Christmas with them.

Then, I married my husband and for the first 2 years of our relationship, we were lucky to spend it together with my parents. It felt amazing that the most important things that I loved were together.

6 Tips to Keep the Holiday Spirit When Your Spouse Is Deployed

But, what if you have a loved one that can’t be home for Christmas because of military duty?

Military families are not strangers to separation. Last year, my husband couldn’t be home. I was bummed and seriously didn’t know how I was going to get through a holiday that was typically joyous for me. It’s easy to dismiss the holidays when your spouse is away, so I turned into a bonafide Grinch.

It’s not fair to yourself and the family members that can actually spend time with you this holiday season. Don’t forget the true spirit of the holidays and enjoy yourself and remember all the special moments outside the holiday season that makes it worth it.

Here are my top 6 ways to amp up the holiday spirit, when your spouse is deployed.

6 Tips to Keep the Holiday Spirit When Your Spouse Is Deployed

  1. Stay with family. I exercise this rule a lot. I find that family is a wonderful backbone. Whenever I feel alone, I reach out to them. It’s understandable that sometimes flying or driving to family might be hard, but along your military journey, you’ve most likely made lifelong friends that are a part of your military family. The most important thing is to not be alone. Even with your beloved away, there are so many other people that care about you. Remember that.
  2. Trim the tree and hang the stockings. Keep your family traditions alive and still do everything that you’ve done with your spouse around. Seriously, no cheating when decorating and if you do need help with anything heavy or new ideas, enlist your friends to help you.
  3. Treat yourself to an unexpected gift. As you’re Christmas shopping for others in your family, throw in some items that you’ve been wanting yourself. Last year, I bought a pair of awesome black knee high boots. Yes, it was a little impractical, but I wear these boots every other day during the winter months. When I wear them this year, it’s a nice reminder of the things that I managed to do while he was away. Make sure you plan some “me” time.
  4. Attend a holiday-related show. A friend took me to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. Wow. Talk about getting into the holiday spirit! I loved it. There are tons of other shows out there that are holiday-themed. Local ballet companies perform The Nutcracker, so that’s a nice option. Take a look at your local theaters for any other shows or maybe plan a trip to a nearby city that is putting on a good show. Ask around for recommendations.
  5. Plan (if you can) holiday Skype dates with your spouse. When my husband was away, I looked forward to the moments I could see his face. During the holiday season, it was extra special to see him because I was able to share with him everything going on. It meant so much to be able to have any time to talk face-to-face. Every Skype date helped me charge through the holiday season to our inevitable reunion.
  6. Document the holiday season for your spouse. Although your spouse isn’t there in person, they are there in spirit. I’m sure they would appreciate anything that helps them imagine that they are home. The beauty of modern technology is that we have phones that can take pictures and video at any time. When you’re out and experiencing a fun festive activity, grab your phone and snap a few shots. At the end of the season, it’s fun to print everything or create an electronic album to share, so when your spouse comes back, you can relive the memories as if he was there.

What tips do you have for military spouses to enjoy the holiday season when their husbands are deployed? Please share them in the comments section.

5 Tips for Saving Money During a Deployment

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Deployments are never fun. Whether it’s your first or fifth, it doesn’t get any easier. One thing is for sure, deployments can offer families some relief by giving us the opportunity to save money.

save deployment money

Is your service member is deployed? Here are the top 5 tips to save money while your loved one is away.

  1. Know the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act. This is an important one and it should be on your radar before a deployment arises. There are some critical benefits that help military families during a deployment (and in general), thanks to this special piece of legislation. By utilizing the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, families can break leases that could potentially help with moving to areas that have lower cost of living as well as saving renters for their traditional Permanent Change of Station (PCS). Military members are able to cap their interest rates on loans (mortgage rates and credit cards). Most importantly, military members can cancel or freeze accounts due to a deployment. For instance, my husband’s cell phone bill is about $100 a month stateside. Because he had orders taking him overseas, he cancelled his service that subsequently saved us $1,200 for the year. The same applies for auto insurance or any other account that may have a subscription. They are not going to need those accounts while  downrange.
  2. Put Deployment Pay in a Savings Account. Depending on the type of deployment, TDY, unaccompanied tour, etc., your military member is given additional pay. Only 14 days into our marriage, my husband left for an unaccompanied tour to a location that gave him Hardship Duty Pay (HDP). Because I stayed behind, we were given Family Separation Allowance (FSA) as well. I encourage military spouses to understand as much as they can the different military financial terms to help prepare for any situation. We got married while my husband was still living in the barracks and I with roommates, which meant we didn’t have any practical household items like a sofa or kitchen goods. It was really important for us to save, save, save! We put ALL the additional money into a savings account to gain interest for the year he was away along with building a reasonable amount of money to help us get started in what I call the “real start to our marriage.”
  3. Unplug Unused Items in Your Home. My husband has a whole side of the room that is plugged with his electronics. Not to mention, he has an Xbox, Playstation that he keeps in the living room. Unplug everything, especially if you don’t use it because it still uses a bit electricity. Every voltage counts in your bill and that could save you dollars that add up in the long run.unplug electronics to save money
  4. Establish a Tight Budget. Honestly, this is a difficult task, even for me, but it’s a tip that can seriously help with long term planning. I immediately went into a budget funk when my husband left for the very first time and began coping with retail therapy. Let’s be honest, a separation messes with your mindset a bit and it goes for both parties involved. After a month of spending anarchy, I snapped back and realized that I had some craziness coming (aka our PCS). Spend some time to crunch numbers and establish a strict budget. Aside from the deployment pay that’s going into a savings account, what else could you put into savings? What is the figure you have left after bills? There are lots of great resources out there to help military families budget. MilitaryOneSource offers a wealth of information and financial counselors to help you get on the right track. I entered everything into a Google Document and shared the file privately with my husband, so he was able to see how things were going when he got the opportunity to go online. Since then, my husband and I powwow before a departure to make sure we are on the same page. Keep the line of communication open when it comes to budget.
  5. Meal Plan. A relatively mundane tip from the rest, but still important. In my opinion, meal planning doesn’t get enough attention about how it can really save you money. Confession: I was guilty of eating out or ordering in a lot when I was alone. Why meal plan when it’s only yourself feed? Answer: it adds up. On average, a meal out would be around $10 (give or take) with 5 days of purchasing, that would be $50 a week! If you have children, the figure just goes up. I’m not saying to completely nix eating out, just to moderate spending (we all need a little time out). Instead of spending $50 for one meal a day for a week, I use that figure to feed myself all three meals for a week. Use your strict budget to set-up a special allowance that goes to your food. Take some time to map out your meals for the week. That helps with keeping yourself in check with your planning.

How much money have you saved during a deployment? How did you do it? Share your tips.

Creative Deployment Activities for Military Kids

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Deployments can be difficult for anyone, especially the kids. They look at time differently than we do which is why it is so important to keep them busy during a deployment. There might be a lot going on in your community so it is a good idea to fill your calendar with fun events as you find out about them. You should also plan some activities you can do with your kids that will help pass the time.

Composite of Calendar Pages and Clock

Here are some creative activities you can do with your kids during a deployment.

Plan to send a monthly care package and have your kids participate in it. Let them go with you to the store to pick out what you will send. When it comes time to package it all up, let them help with that too. They can put the items in it or they can draw inside the box. It is a great way to keep them connected to their deployed parent. It would be fun to do a holiday or seasonal themed box every month.

Another great thing you can do is create a countdown chain. Create enough links based on when you think the deployment will be over. Have your kids take turns tearing off a new link each day. If you need to add links later, that’s alright. Just try to explain to your kids why you have to do that. If they are young enough, you might not have to explain at all and can just add links as you need to when they are asleep.

Mother and daughter scrapbooking

Taking a lot of photos during a deployment is also a great idea. You can print them out and have your kids work on scrapbooks of all the fun activities you have done. The kids can decorate with stickers and markers and make the pages their own. It can be a great thing to show their mom or dad when they get home from deployment.

Weekly get-togethers are another great thing to do. This is especially true for the younger kids who are not in school yet. It is good for the parent at home as they will be able to spend some time with other children going through the same thing that they are. Find a group of other deployed spouses with young children and ask to see if anyone wants to set up a play date. You might be surprised at how many others would love to do something like that to pass the time.

For older children, you can have them make a deployment bucket list. They can add any parent approved activity they would like to do during the deployment. You can have them paint and then write it on a Popsicle stick and put them in a mason jar. As the months go on, you can do each of the activities that they have picked and make a record of it. This would go along well with the scrapbook.

Deployments are stressful but they don’t have to be boring. There is a lot you can do to help your kids have fun, even when a parent is far away.

What creative activities do you and your kids do to pass the time during a deployment?

When You Deploy, Where Does Your Dog Go?

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No one should have to give up a pet because they have to go somewhere with the military. The Dogs on Deployment organization is a great program for helping service members prepare for a deployment.

Dogs on Deployment supports troopsTheir purpose is to find a place for a service member’s pet to go during a deployment or other military obligation. Not everyone has family members or friends who can take the animals and it can be a frustrating situation when that happens. In a lot of cases the animal has to go to a shelter since the service member will not be able to take their pet with them.

In addition to that, Dogs on Deployment promotes lifelong, responsible pet ownership within the military community. They do this by advocating for pet owner rights on military installations, providing education and resources about pet ownership, granting financial assistance for emergencies, promoting pet insurance and vaccinations as well as the need to spay or neuter animals. The organization also works to make sure everyone has access to the Dogs on Deployment program.

Dogs on Deployment boards pets of all types that belong to active duty, reservists, National Guard, honorably discharged veterans and their families. DoD was started in June 2011 by Shawn and Alisa Johnson, who serve in the Navy and Marine Corps, respectively. They themselves have been in a situation where they needed a program like this for their own pets.

This program is a great one because of the need for help with pets when you have to go away for military duty. No one should have to give up a pet because they have to go somewhere with the military. Even a short-term assignment could cause distress for people who don’t have anyone to watch their animals. The cost of boarding a dog for that long would not be within anyone’s budget either.

Dogs on Deployment supports military pets

If you would like to support this organization, you can make a financial donation, become a sponsor, share their program on social media or even shop on their site. If you would like to board a pet, after registering with the site, you can search to see what pets are available in your area and the dates needed for pet foster care.

This organization was “Founded by Military, for the Military.” It is a great way to give back and to help those fighting for our country.

Deployed Spouse Causes Distraction, Worry

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Untitled-2Dear MilitaryShoppers,

My husband is currently deployed. I feel lucky to have a job that keeps me busy, but honestly I‘m distracted at work. I am constantly checking my phone to see if my husband called and I’m not sleeping well at night. I feel like I might quit my job. What should I do?

Signed,

Distracted Milso in Virginia Beach

 

Dear Distracted Milso,

I can totally understand always wanting to check your phone to see if you missed a call. I also know how hard it can be to not be able to sleep at night.

One thing that might help is writing your husband letters as well as writing in a journal every night. By writing him letters you will feel like he is more connected to you and you can write them at anytime. You don’t have to wait for him to be online or call you. By writing in a journal each night you will be able to fall asleep a little easier. If you can get all your worry out on paper, it will make you feel a little better and more likely to sleep.

How to Keep Busy When Your Husband is Deployed

Try to keep your phone in a drawer while you are at work.

As for if you should quit your job or not, I think it depends. What would you do to fill the time that you would normally be at work? You want to stay as busy as possible so if you know you would be bored without a job, it is not a good idea to quit. You might want to make a list of pros and cons about your job to see what would be the best decisions for you.

If you feel comfortable enough you could talk to your boss about what is going on and see if he or she has any suggestions to help make work a little easier for you. You could also try to keep your phone in a drawer or out of sight while you are at work.

Good luck to you. Remember that as hard as deployments are, they don’t last forever. It is just about figuring out the best way to make it through them.

Do you have a military community question? We want to hear from you. Submit your question today.

Flowers from Iraq: Celebrating Mother’s Day During Deployments

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My husband, like many military service members, always seems to be either deployed or away at training in May.

mothers day during a deployment

Julie planned a relaxing day for herself when her husband was deployed on Mother’s Day.

Being gone in May means missing Mother’s Day. Repeatedly. Three years in a row, my husband wasn’t home for Mother’s Day.

I am the first to tell you it can be really difficult to enjoy Mother’s Day with your three children when your husband is far from home.

Mother’s Day is not a day of pampering when your husband is deployed.

For my first Mother’s Day during a deployment, I created a fun and relaxing day for myself. No, I don’t eat breakfast in bed or lounge on the couch with my favorite book. But we ate my favorite meal. We watched a fun movie and I tucked the kids in bed early that night. Obviously it wasn’t the same as having my husband home but it made for an easier and more relaxing day for me.

That’s a realistic goal for Mother’s Day during a deployment: an enjoyable and relaxing day.

How do you do that? Here are 3 ideas.

DeploymentMothersDay

Spend Mother’s Day outside with your children.

Spend Mother’s Day with your Mom or Mother-in-Law

One year I asked my mom to visit while my husband was gone for training. We spent the day together. We got some lunch, took the boys to the park and let them run around while we sat and chatted. That year, I didn’t celebrate Mother’s Day as a mom instead I celebrated the holiday as a daughter.

If you can’t be with your own mom on that day, you could ask a friend if she wants to spend the day together. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Just something to help your kids stay active and help you have some fun time with another adult.

Mothers Day

Plan a picnic or take a long walk with your children when your husband is deployed during Mother’s Day.

Take a Mother’s Day Stroll

If you know that being stuck in the house on Mother’s Day will depress you too much, plan a short trip somewhere, even if it is a nature walk around your neighborhood.

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When my boys were very young and my husband was gone, I put them in the double stroller and went for a very long walk. This took up a lot of time and I was able to get outside and enjoy myself a little. We didn’t have a special meal but I brought my camera and we had fun walking around our village in Germany together.

When All Else Fails … Hope for Flowers

One year I got flowers all the way from Iraq. That made my day, especially since my husband doesn’t normally send me flowers.

It can be so difficult to celebrate holidays alone during deployments or other separations. However, by planning a little bit, you can still make sure you have a special Mother’s Day even without your husband at home.

How will you celebrate Mother’s Day this year?

 

3 Communication Tips for Deployments

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Communication. It’s difficult in any marriage. But when you are married to a military service member, the challenges of communication are complicated by deployments and extended periods of separation. To say communication is difficult in a military marriage is putting it lightly. (OPSEC, anyone?)

military spouse with phone

How can you improve communication during a deployment?

In those moments– when the phone doesn’t ring or an email doesn’t pop up on your smartphone– you wonder “when is he going to call?”

Here is the good news: he will call. If he can, he will call you.

The methods of communication have been different for my husband and I during each of our four deployments. For the first deployment my husband and I wrote letters, talked on the phone about once a month, and had a period of time when he was online all day where he was working. Our second deployment he had Internet access in his room. This was nice because he was able to get online a lot. His third deployment was a little harder for him to communicate. During his fourth deployment we talked on Facebook most of the time.

Since I’ve experienced a variety of communication situations through four different deployments, I would like to offer these 3 tips for communication during a deployment.

Talk About Expectations

Before your spouse leaves, talk about your communication expectations for the deployment. Do you want him to write letters? How often would you like him to try to call? If calling everyday is an option do you want that?

Sometimes it is better to not talk everyday. Then you won’t need to worry about listening for his phone call at the movie theater with your friends. When he does call, you can give all your attention to that phone conversation.

Your military service member may know what type of communication methods he will have access to at his military base. But understand that compared to today’s world of constant contact, communication options may be very limited where they are stationed.

They might not have access to the Internet regularly and if they do, it can be spotty. Phone calls might be difficult to make based on what is available. Mail can take a while, even months.

On the other hand, some places are equipped with better technology. Sometimes the deployed service member is allowed his or her own cell phone and laptop computer. Be flexible and adaptable.

download (4)

Communication takes creativity during deployments.

Expect Some Silence

Another thing you must remember is that sometimes your service member can’t contact you. I once waited a whole month before I heard from him, and although it is really hard and frustrating, I just had to do it. Keep in mind that as much as you are missing them, they are missing you.

Letter Writing is Romantic

Yes, writing letters is old-fashioned and your handwriting is awful, but sometimes it is the only method of communication during a deployment. Try to write letters during times when you can’t communicate any other way. It can be a romantic way to keep in touch when technology isn’t an option.

Communication during deployments is hard. With a little creativity and some patience, you will take this challenge to strengthen your marriage.

What do you think? What’s a creative way to communicate during deployments?

Military Life & Depression: Part 2

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As a military spouse, you are familiar with the ups and downs that come with the military lifestyle. For some of you, the downs can dominate and seriously interfere with your life. Nearly 10% of the population suffers from depression– and 70% of them are women.

The stress of military life affects everyone differently.

While you may think that depression goes hand in hand with deployments, that’s not necessarily true. It’s something that is a constant mental health battle and each individual person is different. One military spouse may feel depressed only when major situations happen– an illness or death in the family, a baby’s birth, financial troubles, deployment, etc. Another may struggle to get out of bed in the morning and any disruption to a routine could make them feel inadequate or overwhelmed.

My depression diagnosis came after I realized I was sleeping nearly 15 hours a day and felt completely overwhelmed with my stressful job. I used medication in the beginning until I found natural ways to deal with depression for the long term.

Here are 4 ways I’ve naturally battled depression for the last 8 years.

(Remember: there’s no perfect way to deal with depression.)

Talking.

I spent a lot of time talking with a counselor or therapist about what was going in my head and how I was dealing with it. Friends can be a good option too, but for me, they were too close and lacked objectivity to tell me when I was blowing things out of proportion.

Exercise.

Any form of exercise will be beneficial to your mental health– try yoga or tai chi, volleyball, soccer, running, or swimming. Running became my form of therapy. Later I moved on to CrossFit, a high-intensity fitness regiment and I can honestly tell when I have been slacking on fitness. I don’t see it on the scale. I feel it in my brain. You may not want to do it, but I promise you will feel better when you incorporate exercise into your daily routine.

Yoga is a great way to battle depression naturally.

Yoga is a great way to battle depression naturally.

Evaluate your diet.

Sugar and processed foods can impact your mood. I crave sugar when I’m depressed and unfortunately, eating sugar makes me more depressed. Pay attention to what you eat and how you feel afterward. Make adjustments as necessary.

Befriend positive people.

Make the conscious choice to socialize with people who make you happy and are happy in general. Do what you can to foster happy thoughts. Laugh often. Don’t listen to sad music or watch depressing movies. Keep a gratitude journal.

Depression affects more than the military spouse with the diagnosis. It takes its toll on everyone close to them.

Military spouses, repeat after me: It’s okay to ask for help; it’s okay to offer help.

What’s your favorite way to naturally combat feelings of sadness?

 

Note: Please reach out to a professional if you feel sad, depressed, unhappy, or constantly worried. While common, depression is a serious condition and should be properly diagnosed. If you are currently taking medications, please consult your doctor before trying any additional remedies. Do not reduce or quit taking medication without your doctors’ oversight.

How to Plant a Victorious Deployment Garden

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Did you plant your deployment garden? It is already the middle of April and time to start planting those easy-to-grow vegetables, such as tomatoes, peppers, carrots, peas, and herbs. I have found peas to be one of the easiest vegetables to grow in my past deployment gardens.

Plant this month to eat tomatoes off the vine this summer.

Plant this month to eat tomatoes off the vine this summer.

The first step to planting a garden is research. You need to know what zone you live in. Different parts of the country should start their seeds at different times during the spring. You want to make sure you are doing what is best for where you live. Then you are more likely have success and enjoy the bounty of your work this summer.

Don’t know when’s the best time to plant? Consult the USDA’s Hardiness Zone Map.

I live in Tennessee, which is located in zone 6B. I already planted my sugar snap peas, carrots, and radishes. With the carrots I am planting a few every week. That way they will not all be ready for harvest at the same time. We can munch on a steady stream of home-grown carrots throughout summer.

Some plants are able to be put in the ground before your last frost date while others need to wait. Each vegetable is different and can handle different types of weather.

I am anxiously waiting to plant my corn until nighttime temperatures are consistently above 55 degrees. Unfortunately our temperatures are expected to hover around 30 degrees this week.  Although by the calendar I can plant around the 15th of this month, I decided to wait until it warms up a little more.

I am also growing tomatoes and peppers which I started from seed back in February. These will not go into the garden until the first week in May. Right now I have eight tomato plants and two pepper plants in a small greenhouse.

A lot of the success of your garden will hinge on when you start your seeds or put your transplants in the ground. You want to make sure you know when is the right time to plant your vegetable seeds. Different types of seeds also require different planting depths. (Use your ruler to avoid planting too deeply or too shallow.)

If you are unsure about planting depth or plant spacing, read the vegetable’s seed packet. It gives you all the information you need.

What's your favorite vegetable to grow at home?

What’s your favorite vegetable to grow at home?

You also want to use your best judgement when deciding what day to plant your seeds. If there is a windstorm predicted the day you were going to plant your garden, hold off until it passes. If you are having colder weather longer than you normally do, wait an extra few days.

Your plants will thank you.

What vegetables are you planting this spring?

 

Memory Filled Care Packages

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zoo box

Missing out on memorable moments at home is one of the hazards our military members face. It’s bound to happen and well, it sucks.

It’s hard to keep them in the loop when they’re so far away, but it’s not impossible. It just takes a little bit of creativity.

Here are some great ideas for boxes that will make them feel more connected, but include items that, if lost or destroyed, won’t be upsetting.

Care Packages To Keep Kids and Servicemembers Connected

Do a gender reveal box like this one:


 

Send a hug!


 

Make a box that reminds them of a fun time together – like a trip to the zoo:


Or the beach:


Make a photo book or calendar or keepsake item – Snapfish is great for this. If it gets lost, you can always reorder!


Remind them of home with little items like their favorite cereal & snacks, a toy replica of their car and their favorite tv show:


Commemorate the first day of school:


Sending gifts? Dress them up with copies of photos on the wrapping paper:

 

Looking for other ideas to keep them connected?

  • Collect items from your hometown to remind them of home.
  • Send boxes themed around the holidays – Thanksgiving and Christmas seem to be the toughest.
  • If you send photos or drawings by the kids, get copies made a Kinkos – keep the originals and send the copies.

What tips or ideas do you have for keeping your service member in the loop on important things going on at home?