Military Life News

Military Life News, Commissary Rewards and Military Discounts

How to Help Your Service Member, Friends Suffering with PTSD

By

PTSD or post-traumatic stress disorder is a mental health problem that we as military spouses, family members and veterans face all too often. It could be a loved one, a friend or a colleague that suffers from PTSD.

Many people don’t understand PTSD and they don’t know how to help their service member or friend who is suffering from it. That’s why it’s important to make yourself familiar with this disorder. The more you learn about it, the more you will understand what they are going through and thus the better you’ll be able to help them.

How to Help Your Service Member, Friends Suffering with PTSD

Many service members are afraid of the stigma that comes with PTSD but it can happen to anyone and it is not a sign of weakness.

I know quite a few friends that suffer from PTSD. You probably do too and you might not even know it.

PTSD is a mental health problem that anyone can have following a life-threatening event. This could include experiencing or seeing a traumatic event such as sexual assault, a car accident, a natural disaster or more prominently for military service members, combat.

Some people are very good at hiding how they feel. They don’t want to talk about it. They pull away from friends and family and become isolated. They may not enjoy things that they use to. They may become angry easily or when a trigger occurs that reminds them of the traumatic experience.

As a friend or family member, you can help them understand PTSD and get help for the mental health disorder. Many service members are afraid of the stigma that comes with PTSD but it can happen to anyone and it is not a sign of weakness. The statistics are staggering.

  • 7 to 8 out of every 100 people will develop PTSD in their lifetime
  • 8 million adults suffer from PTSD in a given year
  • Roughly 10 out of 100 women will have PTSD at some point whereas 4 out of every 100 men will experience it

One thing that can make PTSD more likely is stress. Support from friends and family members can reduce the chances of someone developing PTSD.

There are four types of PTSD symptoms that you should be on the lookout for if you think that a loved one might be suffering from PTSD. Many relive the event, in which case you might notice they have nightmares or flashbacks of the event. They may avoid situations that make them recall the experience. They may act amped-up or they might become negative in how they feel toward people or events. If you feel that someone you know is showing these signs, be prepared to help them.

Here are a few ways that you can help them cope with PTSD:

  • Read about PTSD so that you will understand what they are going through.
  • Offer a shoulder to cry on and listen to what they have to say. Do not interrupt them or offer a solution to their problem. Do not blame them or use accusing words. Just listen and if they don’t want to talk, tell them that is ok too.
  • Suggest seeking help from a doctor and offer to go with them. There are two ways to treat PTSD: talking to a counselor or medication.
  • Plan activities to do with friends or family. Incorporate exercise into a daily routine. Having a purpose and close friends and family that support them can be beneficial.

If you suffer from PTSD, know that you do not have to face it alone. There are people that love you and want to help you. If you don’t want to talk to them, there are ways to seek out help.

  • Call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
  • Contact the Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255, press 1 (text 838255) or use the Confidential Veterans Chat to speak with a counselor

What are your suggestions for helping a friend or spouse suffering with PTSD?

What Happens When My Wife Goes TDY

By

by Eric Gardner, guest contributor

As families sit around the dinner table it’s a wonderful time to catch up on the day’s events or reminisce about the past.

One of the favorite topics at my house is all the “fun” things my daughters and I do when my wife is away on TDY orders, deployments or training.

While I’m never completely sold out by my girls; it’s really only because some of those unique nuances of anarchy when Mom’s gone are a normal way of life for us.

We’re always swimming in the deep end of life watching for that next crazy wave to head our way.

In the unpredictable world of the military lifestyle our families are kept constantly on their toes. Our modern nomadic spirit keeps us in some phase of pre/post deployment bedlam, or we find our days intermingled with various stages of the training cycle.

To say our family dynamic is kept in a volatile state of constant flux wouldn’t do it justice.

When compared to the length of a career, these short sprints of time help to sort out the new roles everyone will have to take on. Everyone rows in our family. If we all work together it will make the challenges pass that much faster.

However, each of us understands that it’s a real adjustment for the entire family whenever they are missing one of their members. Doubly so when a service member is away.

What Happens When My Wife Goes TDY

The fun activities act as a distraction to the one resounding fact; Mom isn’t with us.

As a stay-at-home dad I get my fair share of jokes leveled in my direction. They are usually tied to Stan Dragoti’s classic film “Mr. Mom.” To be honest I don’t mind the comparison to Michael Keaton’s character because there are so many moments I can relate to.

Perhaps not so blatant a comparison as vanquishing the family vacuum; I’m pretty proficient.

Or sword fighting the popcorn maker; well maybe that one.

However, when those TDY trips would come up we enjoyed the neighborhood poker games and the lumberjack persona was a very in style look.

It’s not that the life of the military spouse is all fun and games. The adaptations we make to support our service members are more in keeping with trying to ensure the train is still moving forward even if that means only one wheel is on the ground at any given time.

Oftentimes pizza or fast food become the “splurge” to help ease the stress of separation. When my girls were younger the island of dishes in the sink would typically consist of every plate, glass and utensil we owned before I would devote energy to get the kitchen back to normal. Bedtimes would get extended, storytime would last forever, and our supply of ice cream would vanish soon after it was brought home from the commissary. An outing to Chuck E. Cheese and later Dave and Busters were entertaining and helped pass the time.

But all these “fun” things only acted as a distraction to the one resounding fact; Mom couldn’t be there.

Schedules, routines, patterns are things that help us survive the mayhem that is the military lifestyle. But like Jack in Mr. Mom, we will always be bombarded with new challenges, yet I really strive to emulate his attitude of perseverance to the daily insanity that was all around him.

Whether it’s the unique approach to stitching up torn clothing with a stapler, wearing a plaid shirt with striped pants — a favorite of my youngest when Mom’s gone — or rocking out to Taylor Swift with the volume so loud the neighbors 5 houses away can hear it.

All of these crazy moments are for one reason – to try to fill the void, we feel when our service member isn’t home with us.

As you can imagine when we’re all back at the dinner table once more, our “fun” may look a little different but we enjoy it so much more because we’re finally all together again.

Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father’s footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Since the end of his wartime service he has shifted gears and is now a stay-at-home father. In his role as an active duty Army spouse, he has become an author. As the creator of the XIII Legion Series he has enjoyed great success, and enjoys meeting other entrepreneurial spouses as well as fellow authors. You can see more from Eric Gardner at his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/thirteenthlegion.series, and http://www.facebook.com/XIIILGN or follow him via Twitter @13thLegion.

Is a ‘Deploy or Get Out’ Rule Fair for Our Service Members?

By

Secretary of Defense James Mattis instituted a new retention rule for troops. Now service members must be deployable or in his words, “get out.”

Mattis feels that too many are carrying the load for all, with about 11% of all current troops on active duty, in the Reserves or in the National Guard classified as non-deployable. That amounts to 235,000 individuals out of the 2.1 million total troop force.

The thought behind this new rule is for the good of the military family. Mattis, rightly, remarks that “we may enlist soldiers, but we reenlist families.”

Is a 'Deploy or Get Out' Rule Fair for Our Service Members?

We expect our teachers to stay up to date with the best classroom practices. We expect our lawyers to know about new laws. We expect our service members to be ready and willing to deploy.

High Tempo Missions

Mattis is right: too many of the same service members have been deployed over and over again for the last 17 years. I’ve seen more friends and neighbors pull almost back-to-back deployments than I care to count.

This high operational tempo leads to burnout for troops and families. It’s hard to stay motivated with a “go team” mentality when your group is always doing the grunt work. Even when often deployed troops are home, it can be hard to settle into family life. Disconnecting from the mission and rejoining a different pace of life can be a struggle.

Military spouses and children feel the burn too. Too many families have almost become single parent homes due to the frequent absence of one parent. Military spouses of deployed troops feel constantly on edge, just waiting for that knock. The mental load is heavy and all too real.

It’s only right to equally spread the burden among all service members. Part of doing your job means being able to fulfill all portions of that position. Military troops must be ready to deploy in support of the mission. It’s simply not fair to rely on the same people over and over again.

Deployable, Not Deployed

At this juncture, I feel it’s important to note one key phrase in Mattis’ rule. He states that troops who have been non-deployable for 12 or more months must separate. He does not expressly state that all troops must actively deploy within the same time frame.

This is an important difference.

Not all positions require the same tempo of deployments. Each military job is very specific about the requirements needed and the potential operational tempo. An infantryman is likely to face a different deployment schedule and mission than a doctor or a pilot or a mechanic.

What Mattis is asking for is simply that troops remain at the ready. I think that this is reasonable. We expect our teachers to stay up to date with the best classroom practices. We expect our lawyers to know about new laws.

Military troops should put their checks in their deployment boxes.

This means maintaining an acceptable level of physical fitness, ensuring that medical and dental exams are complete and continuing to develop in their assigned billet. None of this seems out of order.

For troops that are non-deployable due to their own lack of follow-through, like missing vaccinations or poor PT scores, they should be asked to leave. Part of the job is being mission ready and they were unable to meet that requirement. It shows a lack of commitment.

Of course, this assumes that these services are readily available both physically and in actuality. Appointments for medical and dental care are often hard to come by. Individuals should need to show their good faith efforts to complete their duty before being asked to leave.

Not Considerate Enough

There are exceptions for troops who are injured in the line of duty or in the field. Mattis has given assurances that troops who meet this requirement will be given alternate assignments and retained. This is only fair. It shows a willingness to support those who have suffered a workplace injury. This caveat helps to reenlist families.

What doesn’t help to reenlist families is the lack of guidance regarding pregnancy and the postpartum period. Female service members are likely to be non-deployable for at least 40 weeks when you account for pregnancy alone. If we consider the time needed to recover from childbirth, that puts most women over the 52-week mark.

Is Mattis suggesting that women, who have recently given birth, be asked to leave the military?

This doesn’t seem right and certainly doesn’t support military families. Studies vary, but several have found that full recovery postpartum takes longer than the typical maternity leave of 12 weeks. Asking a new mom to leave her place of employment due to childbirth seems cruel and unusual.

There needs to be additional guidance regarding pregnancy and childbirth. Reasonable and medically sound timelines for a return to full duty should be implemented and explained.

Family Friendly Rule

While this rule is still in its infancy, the intention is good. Spreading the workload by ensuring a highly deployable force is fair. It removes an undue burden from troops who have faced repeat deployments as a result of others in non-deployment status. It also forces troops to take their deployment status seriously.

Some specifics need to be clarified and it is really too soon to say just how this rule will actually impact deployments. But on its face, it seems like a good way to clean up the Armed Forces and ensure that we are ready to face today’s challenges.

What do you think of the new “deploy or get out” rule?

What I Wish I’d Known Before Becoming a Military Spouse

By

I’ve heard it, have you?

“You knew what you were getting into.”

It’s often delivered by a more seasoned spouse when another person appears to be complaining about military life. Other times we hear this from well-meaning members of the civilian population. Either way, I most certainly did not fully grasp what I was getting into when I married my military husband. I’m betting you didn’t know either.

What I Wish I'd Known Before Becoming a Military Spouse

What do you wish you had known before you became a military spouse?

What I Wish I’d Known Before Becoming a Military Spouse

How to Move Homes

Before that first PCS, the biggest “move” of my life was for a one-semester study abroad in, wait for it, Canada. I’m from New England. It was like moving next door.

As I dove into the military spouse world, I quickly realized I was in over my head. Everyone else had binders and plans and apps and lists of serial numbers (with photos attached).

I had, well, nothing.

Over time, I’ve picked up a few tricks. I wash and then bag clothes, bed linens and towels. Food and water are supplied for the packers and movers, but I watch them like a hawk too. I always leave some extra toilet paper in the bathroom along with some room spray.

All the Acronyms

I’m a teacher. We use acronyms for everything. I thought I was prepared…until the military came to town. At first, my eyes glazed over and my mouth went slack, complete with a strand of drool. Every other “word” out of my husband’s mouth seemed to be a random string of letters.

Luckily, I found a few great military spouse guidebooks that really explained some of these acronyms to me. The rest? I either asked my spouse, turned to a friend or Googled it. I’m still figuring some acronyms out.

Legal Eagle

Military life goes hand in hand with lawyers, it seems. I knew that real adults needed things, like wills and stuff. I just wasn’t prepared to dive in right away.

Nope, the military had other ideas! I quickly learned what a POA was, and that I would need several different versions to actually run my life during deployment. I also learned about wills, DNRs, insurance policies and SCRA. I wish that someone had sat me down during pre-military marriage counseling for the lawyer talk.

How to Pick a Rental Property

I’m a decade into this ride and I still feel like I’m winging this one for the most part. Luckily, my father-in-law is super handy at home and taught my husband well. But I don’t know that I would know what to look for that indicates a terrible home.

The first time around? Our off-base rental had rats. Another home (or two) had funky windows and an old heating system. Our current on-base home was assigned without other options, but it’s got a few geckos. Yes, you read that right.

I would still love a comprehensive checklist with what to look for in a rental property. If you’ve got this, please hit me up!

Ask for Help

Before 2008, I mostly flew solo. I felt competent and confident about everything, from school to love to housing. And then I got married and he left for a long time.

I needed help, but I wasn’t sure how to ask for it. I’d never needed anything more serious than a recommendation letter or a little string pulled.

Now, I needed help moving into our house, finding friends, figuring out finances and navigating a new location. It was a lot.

Luckily, I ended up in base housing (after the rat situation). I was surrounded by other brand new spouses plus a few experienced friends. With a little help, I figured it all out, mostly. Now I can share a little of my wisdom with other spouses.

Your Heart Breaks

To prepare myself for military life, I watched military classics. Namely: “Top Gun” and “An Officer and A Gentleman.” I was prepared for the romance, the mystery.

What I wasn’t prepared for? The moment that bus pulls out for 9 to 12 months. No one told me how much it would physically hurt to be away from my spouse.

They also didn’t prepare me for the other goodbyes that were coming. Every few years, deployment or not, my heart breaks again when we move. I’ve stood in more parking lots than I care to think about, tears streaming down my face. Saying “farewell,” even “see you later,” to dear friends is heart-wrenching.

The Best People

Unless you live in this community, you don’t truly get it. I’ve never met a more diverse group of individuals. The military welcomes everyone. It could be terrible. There are a lot of opposing viewpoints and beliefs here that have the potential to erupt.

Instead, everyone seems to have adopted the idea that we are in this together. No one hesitates to offer help to another family in need. I’ve had almost complete strangers step up when I was too sick to be around my child. Other friends save coupons for me to use while we’re OCONUS. We share rental recommendations, school information and the lowdown on making the best of a bad situation.

Some of my absolute best friends, the gals who are in my life forever, are military spouses.

I wish someone had told me how amazing this community is before I stepped into this life. The people we’ve met along the way have made all the difference for us.

What do you wish you had known before you became a military spouse? Tell us in the comments!

5 Organizational Tips for Military Life

By

If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a military spouse, it’s to be organized.

Military life is full of challenges and being prepared and organized can make things so much easier. It’s a new year and we are all making resolutions. If yours is to be more organized, here are 5 tips to get you on track.

5 Organizational Tips for Military Life

Being organized will help reduce the stresses of military life.

5 Organizational Tips for Military Life

Minimize

It’s much easier to stay organized when you have fewer things to organize. I don’t like having clutter, especially paper clutter. A great idea is to open mail and immediately dispose of what you don’t need and file what you do need to keep. Have a specific place to put bills. Once they’re paid, file or shred them. Don’t leave papers out.

Pro-tip: Go paperless whenever possible.

It isn’t just paper that needs to be minimized. I remember shopping with my grandmother when I was little. When I found something I liked she would say

“do you need it or do you want it?”

I still think about that question when shopping and that keeps me from buying things I don’t need. Military families move so often and packing and unpacking can be daunting. Do you really want to move with so many things?

Minimizing the amount of things you own can help you stay organized. I keep a box for donations in my room. When I come upon something I don’t use, I drop it in there and take the box to the donation center when it’s full. If you do this regularly, when it’s time to PCS you won’t have as many things to go through before the packers come to your house.

You’ll also have more room in your closet for clothes you actually wear and your kids will have space for toys they really play with.

File

There are plenty of things you can’t get rid of though, including documents. I have a file box for my husband and myself as well as one for the kids. Paperwork that needs to be saved goes in their proper place as soon as I’ve gone through them. This includes insurance information, school transcripts and tax paperwork.

I also recommend creating a file or folder with important documents. This could have your marriage license, birth certificates, Social Security cards, passports, military orders, power of attorney, a printout of a LES, car titles, insurance information, important contact information, a copy of your will and more in it. These items are in my go-to file. It is so much faster to have everything in one spot when you need things in a hurry.

Prep

Being in a hurry happens a lot in military life. Planning ahead makes things go smoothly. I feel much better when I am prepared for moves, deployments and everyday life.

Don’t let yourself get stressed out. Make the time to get your thoughts organized. Do you have a PCS coming up? Will your spouse be deploying soon? Is your week going to be busy?

Prepare yourself for these things by thinking about what you need to do for each. If your spouse is deploying list the things you need them to do before they go and don’t wait until the last minute to do them.

If you’re moving this year, you’ll want to prep for the move.  Do as much as you can ahead of time. Start thinning out things you don’t need, gather things that you will need for the move and look into the area that you’re moving to.

If you have a busy week, make sure you’re prepared for it. Plan your meals for the week. Use your slow cooker for easy dinners. Make sure backpacks, diaper bags and lunches are packed the night before.

Delegate

You might feel like you have to do everything, but you don’t have to do it all yourself. Share the responsibility with your children. Kids of all ages can help around the house. Our 4 year old is in charge of feeding the dog and setting the table. If you have older kids, they can do laundry, empty the dishwasher and walk the dog. Everyone can help make dinner too. Children can even pack their own lunches.

If you are moving, have the kids declutter their room. Let them organize their toys. Put them in charge of preparing their things to be packed. Make them feel part of the process.

Reset

When my husband says he’s going to bed, he goes to bed.

When I say I’m going to bed, it never happens that I just go to bed. I always see something that needs to be done. I started thinking of it as resetting the house. This is basically tidying up the house so that I come down to a nicely organized space in the morning. This includes picking up things in the living room, putting away the dishes that dried, setting out items for breakfast and putting bags by the door.

Resetting can also be for your mind. Don’t go to bed with a million things on your mind. Review what you need to do before you go to bed so that when your head hits the pillow you fall asleep.

If you do some of these things to get organized, you’ll find your military life is more enjoyable and less stressful.

What do you do to keep your family organized?

Community: A Dying Military Tradition That Needs to Make a Serious Comeback

By

One of the things I remember most about growing up a military brat was the overwhelming sense of community that surrounded us, no matter where we lived.

If someone went TDY or was lucky enough to take leave to go home, we always made sure to keep an eye on their house or even mow their lawn if necessary.

If I got home from school and couldn’t find my key, there was always a neighbor willing to let me use their phone or hang out until my parents got home.

When I headed out into the world on my own, it was that very same sense of community I found lacking in the civilian world. It is one of the reasons why I eventually decided to join the military. But I have to say, things have changed a lot since I was a military kid.

With the rare exception, gone are the days of the welcome wagon. You know, that group of people, usually military spouses, who stopped by your house after you had a few days to settle in. They’d bring a plate of cookies or a pie and introduce themselves so you would know at least one person on your street. Then they’d share all the insider info you needed, like the best days to shop at the commissary or which primary care doctor to ask for.

Community is the best part of military life. How can we work together to bring it back?

But nowadays, we’ve given up extending a hand to those who might need a little help because it’s too much of a hassle.

We swear off spouses groups because we swear we just can’t handle all the drama.

It seems like we have given up the idea of actually meeting our neighbors and instead just focusing on how many friends we have on Facebook or how many times we get retweeted. And while I wouldn’t give up my social media accounts for anything, I really wish we could, as a community, remember that face-to-face conversations are as important, maybe more so than a text or instant message.

Community: A Dying Military Tradition That Needs to Make a Serious Comeback

Laughter shared over a cup of coffee will always be better than tweeting.

We need to make developing a sense of community and service to each other a priority.

Military unit success often depends on being tuned in, not only to an assigned task, but to the well-being of those around you. It creates a sense of team and comradely that binds a unit together.

It is an idea that I wish permeated beyond the boundaries of the FOB and into the greater military community.

It is all too easy to stay focused on your own lane, keep blinders on and just trudge forward.

But when one member of our community struggles, it creates ripples that impact us all.

A “hi” on Facebook or a follow on Instagram is a great way to break the ice, but when emergencies arise, we need to know that there is someone we can reach out to and lean on.

Over the course of my husband’s career, I can think of only one deployment where anyone from my military community, other than my husband, ever called or stopped by to check on me. And I know I’m not the only one.

There are no regulations that require this kind of community awareness, but we should take it upon ourselves to make sure that no matter the unit or location, no member of our community ever feels isolated or alone.

I say bring back the welcome wagon and the dinner brigade. Go out and meet your neighbors, organize a neighborhood potluck or cul-de-sac barbecue. Start caring about the well-being of those you pass on the street everyday. Be the kind face they need when the challenges of this life get to be too much. Be the resource they need when they don’t know who else to turn to.

Be as engaged and involved as you can be because a hug can never be replaced by a “like.”

Laughter shared over a cup of coffee will always be better than tweeting.

Make time and be open to cultivating relationships with the flesh and blood people in your community.

You may be just the friend they need to get through a tough time. And they end up doing the same for you.

Is the military community dead? Do people ever come out from behind their screens and talk to each other?

The Myth of the Perfect Military Spouse

By

It was one of those days.

You know, the days when nothing seemed to go right? My oldest had dumped a gigantic bag of beads in the middle of the living room floor for the second time that day. My youngest was way past nap time. I was dressed in my usual jeans and seen-better-days T-shirt, my hair was a mess, and I had less than 30 minutes until my husband was due to walk in the door.

My plan to be dressed, pressed, and waiting to sit down to a delicious home-cooked meal had gone out the door hours ago.

And it wasn’t the first time my list of to-dos or taking care of my children had eaten up my entire day.

I so wanted to be that military spouse who had the house cleaned and dinner neatly prepared when my soldier walked through the door.

The same daydream had me perfectly coiffed and dressed to impress. And every time I didn’t hit that goal of “perfect” spouse, I felt like a failure.

The Myth of the Perfect Military Spouse

If I couldn’t do it all when he was able to come home every night, what did that say about my abilities when he was deployed?

After all, he was doing all the hard work, putting on the uniform and training to be of service to our country. He needed a spouse capable of taking care of everything at home. If I couldn’t do it all when he was able to come home every night, what did that say about my abilities when he was deployed?

After a particularly stressful afternoon that had all of my kids recovering from temper tantrums and me in tears, a close friend stopped by for coffee. She was everything I wanted to be. She always looked great. Her house was always immaculate. And I’d never seen her stress about anything.

After confessing my feelings of inadequacy, she changed my entire world with just one sentence.

There is no such thing as a perfect military spouse.

What? How could that be? There were those, just like her, who always had it together. The spouse next door who always had his kids ready and at the bus stop on time. The commander’s wife who always made hosting company events look easy.

She repeated herself.

There’s no such thing as a perfect military spouse.

The look on my face must have confessed my disbelief. Over the next few minutes she confessed to a few cracks in what I thought was her perfect façade. I felt a little better, but I still wasn’t wholly convinced.

I begged her to share her secrets with me. How did she make it all look so easy? She just laughed and challenged me to change my way of thinking.

“So what if your house isn’t perfect? So what if macaroni and cheese is the best dinner you can muster? Those things are not required to make you worthy of love and respect. We each have our strengths. Be your best you and that’s good enough.”

I sat quietly and tried to take those words in. Was it possible to be the best me without being perfect? Could I be the strong, capable military spouse my soldier needed and not be good at everything?

The answer is yes.

My belief in that idea didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of work and introspection. It took time to learn to quiet that inner voice that told me I was a failure and give the stage to the part of me that got up every day and did my best.

I am incredibly thankful I had a friend to intervene and set me straight.

And I hope, should you ever find yourself in a similar mindset that you remember:

There is no such thing as a perfect military spouse.

No matter who you are, where you are from or what you are struggling with, you are worthy of love and respect.

Even if it means that the dusting or vacuuming should have been done yesterday.

Even if it means that PB&J is what’s on the menu tonight.

Live every day with the intent to be the best possible you that you can.  The best you is more than good enough.

Are you trying to be the perfect military spouse?

How I Prepare for His Deployment

By

My husband and I have had our fair share of deployments, extended TDYs and special duty assignments. And while it has gotten easier to deal with the added stress that comes from having to say goodbye, it is never truly easy.

Preparing is often difficult, because it means you have to come to terms with the fact that your loved one will be headed into harm’s way.

For me, there are 4 broad areas of preparation necessary before any deployment: financial, physical, emotional and mental.

How I Prepare for His Deployment

Financial Preparation

Even if you share bill-paying responsibilities, make a point to sit down and go over your finances. This includes all of your bills, investments, credit cards and bank accounts. Make sure you know how to access the accounts and have contact information for each of them.

Consider getting a limited power of attorney. It can be exceptionally frustrating to be unable to upgrade a cell phone plan or resolve a billing discrepancy because your spouse’s name is the only one on the account. Plus, should you lose your military dependent ID card or need to make any changes to DEERS, a power of attorney means you can take care of it.

How I Prepare for His Deployment

What are your deployment preparation tips? Anything that you must do before your service member ships out?

While you are making preparations, make sure you go over both your and your spouse’s wills. It is touchy subject for some, but it is a necessary evil. If you don’t have a will, check with your local legal office for assistance.

Physical Preparation

In the same way that your spouse must make sure they are physically able to deploy, being left behind to manage everything on the homefront also requires you to be healthy and capable.

Before your service member leaves, schedule your annual doctor and dentist appointments. Make sure your prescriptions are filled and up-to-date.

Make taking care of yourself easier while you are dealing with the stress of a deployment.

Physical preparation also takes your surroundings into account. If your spouse always mows the lawn, for example, consider hiring a lawn service or learn how to use the equipment properly if you don’t know how to do it yourself. Again, the idea is to try to make it as easy as possible for you to juggle everything while your spouse is away.

Deployments are a great time to focus on your physical fitness. Exercise can prove to be a great distraction and physical activity has been proven to help improve mood and combat depression.

Emotional Preparation

It’s important to prepare yourself emotionally for the time apart and the added strain of knowing your spouse is in harm’s way. Any emotional stress you’re feeling is often exacerbated by the fact that you don’t want to burden your spouse during phone calls and Skype sessions.

We can never fully prepare for how we are going to handle things emotionally. All we can do is try to put some plans in place to helps us cope when things get tough.

Try to get a good support system in place with a list of folks and phone numbers you can call if you need help. Sometimes just having a fellow military spouse to talk to can make all the difference in the world.

If you need to go home to family or have someone come and stay with you, then do it. There are no shiny medals given for being an emotional martyr, so don’t feel like you have to go it alone.

Try not to isolate yourself. Deployments rarely happen to just one service member in a unit at a time, so consider joining the FRG or family support group. The military has been on a cycle of deployment for the last two decades and there are many programs and resources out there. Make sure you reach out to the chaplain or family support services before your service member deploys so you know what’s available.

Mental Preparation

Hand in hand with dealing with the emotional impact, your mental health is vital to a successful deployment.

One of the best techniques I have found is to make plans to keep myself busy. Taking a class, learning a new skill, trying a new hobby, or even starting a business have all become a focus for my attention while my spouse was deployed.

Left to wander a lonely and bored mind will never been an ally.

Plan ways to keep yourself distracted during the deployment. It’s a great time to focus on yourself a little more than usual and work on any of those self-improvement/self-growth goals you’ve been thinking about.

How do you prepare for your service member’s deployment?

Facing the Fear of Military Life

By

I can pinpoint the exact moment that it all hit me. All of the fear and anxiety and uncertainty that is military life hit me like a ton of bricks.

Facing the Fear of Military Life

Sometimes the fear of military life gets to be a little much.

I didn’t know them more than a casual, run-into-them-socially (sometimes) kind of way. But I knew them. We crossed paths. And it happened to them.

The knock on the door.

The condolences from a “grateful nation.”

Suddenly, I was terrified. I could easily – too easily – picture myself in her shoes. It literally brought me to my knees.

I couldn’t seem to shake the sadness for weeks. I couldn’t move past my fears. I knew I had some decisions to make. I needed to choose whether I wanted to continue to live in a place of unending fear or find a different path.

7 Tips for Facing and Fighting the Fear of Military Life

1. Find an Outlet

What do you love to do? What makes you happy? Whatever that thing or activity is, go do it. For me, I run. I started running right around the same time that I became afraid of the “what-ifs” of military life.

On a bad deployment day or when we are waiting on PCS orders to hit, I run. When I run I have control, something that escapes me as a military spouse. When I come back after a few hard miles, it seems a little bit easier to handle the unknowns.

My friends do different things. Some craft, making beautiful decor or vinyl creations. Others lift weights or go to spin class. Still others dive deep into creative entrepreneurship, running amazing businesses in photography, art or writing.

We all have something that makes us happy. Go find yours!

2. Trust Your Spouse

This one is hard, especially when we live in Whatifville. But truly, trusting my spouse has released a lot of tension. I know that he has trained and prepared for months, if not years, for exactly these situations. I know he understands his job and won’t take unnecessary risks.

Keeping all of this in mind when he deploys or trains or goes TAD helps to combat my fears.

3. Understand the Process

When an Osprey went down in August, fear once again gripped my heart. Our friends were connected to that float. We know a good group of Osprey pilots. Again, the uncertainty took over.

But once I really understood the how’s and why’s of notification and media releases, I felt so much better.

Now, I know that the command and public affairs follow strict protocols to ensure utmost respect for affected military families and units. I truly inhabit the phrase: “No news is good news.” I understand that the system needs to work.

4. Disconnect

Sometimes, it all gets to be a little much. Especially for my family, these last few months have been rough. We’ve had connections to several of the devastating accidents the military has experienced this year. We live in the communities impacted.

It all got to me. The constant Facebook news feed posts, the 24-hour news cycle and the never-ending updates that weren’t really updates.

So I stopped.

I stopped reading Facebook obsessively. Instead, I logged on to work on my professional Facebook page and hopped back off. I no longer watch the news or check my news apps. I just can’t anymore.

5. Be Kind to Yourself

When you struggle over something, whether it is not knowing where you are moving next or deep fear about the scarier unknowns, it is OK. It’s OK to be afraid.

Acknowledge your fears. Admit, out loud or in writing, what exactly is bothering you and why. It’s hard to do this, to really unpack a deep fear and work through it.

So be kind.

When you are afraid, seek comfort from a friend, a religious leader or a military family life counselor. Ask for help, because your military community is here for you.

Take some time to pamper yourself. Take a hot bath, get a pedicure, read a book, watch a comforting movie or retreat to your bed. Whatever makes you feel secure and loved, go do it. I enjoy reading a trashy magazine and sipping hot cocoa (or wine), pulling back from the world for a little while. It gives me the head space I need to process my feelings.

6. Help Someone

Our friends and neighbors lost a dear friend in the crash off Australia. There isn’t much to be said that can heal that hurt.

But I can certainly bring them dinner. It’s one less thing to think about while they grieve. I can watch their children so that they can assist with final arrangements. I can offer a hug and a shoulder to cry on. I can empathize because I understand that pit in the stomach feeling.

If you are afraid or live somewhere that is hurting, reach out. Offer to help in any way you can. Redirecting your fears and worries into actions for others can help you to process.

7. Choosing a Different Path

When I was afraid, brought to my knees with fear and grief and worry, I decided to go a different way. I chose to not live in that dark place.

I went for a run to the ocean and cried just a little bit more. Then I invited friends over for dinner because I knew we would be stronger together.

Together, as a community, we can combat the fears and unknowns of military life.

How do you combat the fears of military life? Share your tips and strategies in the comments section.

My Thoughts on the Global War on Terror Memorial

By

President Donald Trump recently signed a bill approving the construction of a national memorial, the Global War on Terror Memorial, which will honor those who have fought and died in Iraq and Afghanistan since 2001.

The bill to establish the national memorial was sponsored by Sens. Joni Ernst, R-Iowa, an Army veteran of the Iraq War, and Joe Manchin, D-West Virginia in the Senate.

Reps. Mike Gallagher, R-Wisconsin, and Seth Moulton, D-Massachusetts were the bill’s sponsors on the House side. Both are Marine Corps veterans of the Iraq War.

My Thoughts About the Global War on Terror Memorial

The Global War on Terror Memorial Foundation hopes to unveil its memorial by 2024. 

This bill does not select a location for the Global War on Terror Memorial, but it authorizes its site as somewhere on “federal land in the District of Columbia.” Organizers are hoping for a spot on the National Mall.

The memorial will be 100% privately funded through donations raised by the Global War on Terror Memorial Foundation. The estimated cost of construction is $40 million.

What will the Global War on Terror Memorial look like?

Now that the memorial has been approved by Congress and the president, the memorial’s organizers are working on its design. So far, they have announced that the memorial will include 6 themes: endurance, sacrifice, all-volunteer, global, multicultural and unfinished.

My Thoughts About the 6 Themes for the Global War on Terror Memorial

Endurance. Endurance is National Guard soldiers who served 18 months in Iraq and sometimes stayed longer because their deployment was extended for a second time.

Endurance is Marines who served back-to-back deployments, hopping between Iraq and Afghanistan.

Endurance is military spouses who lose track of how many times their spouse has left and returned home.

Endurance takes strength, determination and a faith in the fight.

Sacrifice. More than 7,000 service members have died in the Global War on Terror and more than 52,000 have been wounded. I don’t know how you show the sacrifice on these Americans in a memorial.

In the military community, we all know at least one name. A name that is forever etched in our hearts and our minds. We remember that name along with a date on the calendar. It’s the day of their death. The day that we solemnly remember their life and their sacrifice.

All-Volunteer. More than 2.5 million Americans are estimated to have been deployed in support of the Global War on Terror. Some of these service members were already in the military in 2001. Many were not.

These service members were children when the 9/11 attacks happened. They saw the news on television when they were 10, 12 or 14 years old. Those images stuck with them so that when they turned 18 years old, these men and women raised their right hands and took an oath to serve and protect our nation.

Global. This war has taken our service members to places that I couldn’t pick out on a map before 2001. We know about Iraq and Afghanistan, but what about Kenya, Djibouti and Kuwait?

Multicultural. The diversity of today’s all-volunteer Armed Forces makes my heart swell with pride. As a military spouse, I’m humbled when I meet service members from different races, cultures and economic backgrounds. They are American Indians from Oklahoma, men from the Philippines and women from Miami.

Unfinished. Organizers said the “unfinished” theme has 2 meanings.

First, it reminds us that this ongoing war is still taking place around the globe. The second reason points to the continued personal conflicts of our veterans when they return home.

I couldn’t have said it better myself. There is no end in sight for this war at home and around the world.

The Global War on Terror Memorial Foundation hopes to unveil its memorial by 2024. You can make a donation by visiting the foundation’s website.

What are your thoughts on the Global War on Terror Memorial?