by Eric Gardner, Guest Contributor
Our lives as military spouses are filled with countless decisions. As a fourth-generation veteran I understand I have a tendency to overthink certain areas of life.
One of them being – will my children wear the uniform in the future?
Now I’ve still got a bit before anything happens. My oldest is gracing the halls of middle school this year. However, I know full well how fast time can pass and before I know it my beautiful little girls will be empowered, driven young women.
Will I want my daughters to join the military of the future? To be honest the verdict is still out.
Now before this gets taken out of context, let me explain. There are some terrific life lessons that can be gained through military service.
The first one that comes to mind is making friends quickly. All military brats and active duty service members have that quality which has been honed through countless PCSes. A social grace that allows them to blend into any group and find connections that might be lost in other civilian professions.
Another lesson of military service is you learn the importance of family. Our families are the only constant we often have. Regardless of where the military takes you, your family being by your side can make your military installation feel like home.
And last but not least is developing a unique empathy that few outside the service can match. It’s one thing to see the sights of a host nation or port of call. It’s another to make friends with the locals and see the world from their point of view.
As I plot and plan for the future there is one thing I know I have no control over – my daughter’s decision to join the Army.
I sincerely hope that my wife and I are good stewards of the impression the Army makes on our girls. Not that everything is easy. Far from it, we want to ensure that our kids see that military life is passionate, full of adventure and challenging. The later part being what makes the journey worthwhile.
Now before you think I’ve got my dad blinders on, let me say just a little about the methodology to this train of thought. The one thing that I can’t stop is time. Whether it’s after high school or college or somewhere in-between my kiddos are going to have to take their own steps out into society. Their unique signature on the world will only be limited or enhanced by their experiences and imagination.
When I graduated from college to join the Army, there was a tremendous amount of uncertainty. I considered myself lucky in that while my peers felt a similar apprehension about the unknown at their new jobs, they had suffered additional stress of finding their place of employment in their field of study. My classmates weren’t exactly sure how long their positions would be available at their new offices.
I, on the other hand, had a guaranteed eight years of job security.
I think we can all agree that everything has tradeoffs. I know for a fact that my parents — my mother specifically — didn’t enjoy my time at Ranger School. So many things could have gone wrong, from a simple failed exercise to a catastrophic accident. I’m fairly certain my guaranteed employment wasn’t at the top of either of my parents’ thoughts during the years of airborne operations at Fort Bragg.
As I began to excel as a soldier, I could see the joy my successes brought to them. Some of their excitement was a validation that their sacrifices during my childhood allowed me to positively stand out and that my future held so many possibilities.
The military isn’t forever. Even if you do 30 years there are still many chapters of our lives to write. As a starting point, the Army alone has 150 career paths. Finding a passion with so many choices is a high probability.
Even it’s only for a few years, there is so much to gain from military service.
Promotions can be expected. Equality is something everyone believes in. You get paid vacation from day one. You and your family have access to health care and you have the opportunity to see the world.
Now there will always be disadvantages and they do carry a lot of weight. There are the long hours, often hazardous duty accompanying most career fields, the stressors placed on the family, and the nomadic lifestyle is oftentimes hard to adjust to.
Yet as I plot and plan for the future there is one thing I know I will have no control over – my daughter’s decision.
To say the military isn’t for everyone is putting it mildly. A 1% sampling of the population volunteering to serve has so many demands placed on it that you need to want to be there. As with all paths of life there will be highs and lows, however the added element of extreme risk can produce some very hard days.
This is why the jury is still out. My wife and I won’t promote or discourage the military lifestyle. Our girls have a brief glimpse of what service life is like from being Army brats.
As a former brat and veteran, I know how little I understood going in. Yet that was OK because I wanted to be there. It’s not necessary that I need my children to do this.
I want them to be vested in their passions.
I want them to excel in whatever profession they choose.
And above all else I want them to be excited about their future.
While I’ve said it’s their decision I have to admit, having them be part of five consecutive generations of military members would make me smile. However, wanting them to thrive in a career they are passionate about is what would make me most proud.
Do you want your children to follow in your footsteps and join the Army? Why or why not?
Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father’s footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Since the end of his wartime service he has shifted gears and is now a stay-at-home father. In his role as an active duty Army spouse, he has become an author. As the creator of the XIII Legion Series he has enjoyed great success, and enjoys meeting other entrepreneurial spouses as well as fellow authors. You can see more from Eric Gardner at his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/thirteenthlegion.series, and http://www.facebook.com/XIIILGN or follow him via Twitter @13thLegion.
The problem with all three branches, is they have forgotten the purpose of the military. The military does not exist to provide 130 different career paths, to build bridges, heal the sick or count beans.. It solely exists to blow things and people up and destroy the enemies of our country. People seem to forget that there is a reason you have to qualify with a rifle to finish basic. YOU are above all else a combat participant in the military. If you join the guard or the reserve, its more then just a nice part time job with bennies. Finally, the United States military has forgotten this, now its all about social engineering. A degree in English or Troll Grooming does not qualify you to stand as naval deck officer on watch or lead a platoon or fly an airplane. The Unites States military is solely about combat. So stop thinking about it as a career unless you are prepared,, “to close with, kill, capture, or destroy the enemies of the United States”,
I enjoyed 13 wonderful years in the Air Force and my husband is retired Air Force. I knew in basic training I would make it a full time career. I left the military when I was expecting our second child. To me, both are full time jobs and I didn’t want to short change one or the other so I chose motherhood.
All three of our sons are career military. However, if we had a daughter, I would do everything in my power to discourage her from enlisting. My reason is simple, I feel the military decision to allow women in combat was a huge mistake. Believe me, I know how NONpolitically correct that is! If men and women were meant to be totally equal then why do we even have two genders? I believe each gender has specific qualities the other does not have and any parent can tell you that they treat the child as such from the moment of birth. So until we live in a society that takes our babies from us, hordes them together and raises them all equally regardless of gender, we have two different genders with different abilities and purposes. Women do not belong in combat.
Outstanding post. Well said, you make us proud.
My Dad served in the Army during WW 2 and I served 12 years in the USAF. I would be proud if any of my kids followed suite but its not likely. My oldest had seizures as a child but out grew them. It was in his military records so they just won’t drop it even after all the testing he went through for them. My youngest is going through medical school and considered it but got into a teaching position so her schooling is all paid for. Thinking she and her husband didn’t want to go this route. disappointed that out of 5 kids not one went on in but at least one really tried but gave up. The last go round was a request for pharmacy records which there have been no scripts filled in over 15 years.