In times of the unknown, military families stick up for each other. We understand the challenges of military life. We have seen our spouses come and go, leaving boots in the hallway, heard their worries and cares. When the announcement was made that the withdrawal from Afghanistan was happening, there was a flurry of emotions from service members and family members alike. For twenty years, many service members have deployed time and time again to Iraq and Afghanistan, building relationships with the people there. It is those relationships that brought about the desire to help the Afghan people and assist them while they leave their country as refugees.  

If you are feeling lost and looking for a way to volunteer, here is a resource list. There are many location-specific opportunities to donate and volunteer, as well as general volunteering. These are organizations that have recently been organized or are shifting their purpose to assist in this new climate. Not every one of these resources was able to verify through CharityNavigator.org but this might be due to their newness and the paperwork to be listed as a 501c3 may still not be completed at the time of this writing.

There are many tasks ahead to assist with refugees including remote administrative, computer tasks, assisting with finding temporary housing, and foster parenting to name a few. Check out helptheafghans.org/volunteer-now to find opportunities

Soldiersangels.org is looking for in-kind donations and care packages.

Catholic Charities is working with refugees across the United States. Check out what their needs are within the Refugees section of their website at catholicchartitiesusa.org. They have posted local chapter needs on their websites as well.

Lutheran Immigration and Refugee Service support refugees in their entrance into the United States. Check out the “Refugee Resettlement” tab on lirsconnect.org.

The UN Refugee Agency has supplies and people located where the refugees are and have shared their needs.

The Semper Fi & American’s Fund is collecting funds to assist Afghan Interpreters and their needs. Check out semperfifund.org to learn more about what you can do to help.

International Rescue Committee, UNICEF Afghanistan, and the Office of Refugee Resettlement have resources for where to donate and what to donate for the varying needs of the Refugees across the world.

California

The Afghan Support Project at Pars Equality Center is looking for those who can help with legal assistance.

Rescue Lives is looking for assistance with placing refugees in the LA Metro area.

Jewish Family and Community Services Easy Bay offers services to refugees in support, immigration legal services and resettlement.

DC Metro Area

The Lutheran Social Services is assisting in securing housing for families, setting up homes, providing meals and items in addition to help enroll children in school and getting families settled. They need help with donations, volunteer and advocate. The LSSNCA has three resettlement sites in the area at the time of this writing at Hyattsville, MD, Fairfax, VA and Dale City, VA.

Pennsylvania

The Nationalities Service Center in Philadelphia is looking for donations and volunteers to help set up homes and provide meals to refugees coming to the Philadelphia area. Check out nscphila.org to learn more of what they are looking for including partner organizations that are looking for donations as well.

Texas

Refugee Services of Texas is assisting Afghan refugees coming to the Texas area. They have direct donation lists and Amazon wish lists for incoming families on their website at rstx.org

Virginia

International Neighbors is helping settle refugee families in the Charlottesville, Virginia area to settle in the local area. They are looking for donations and volunteers.

Wisconsin

The Wisconsin Department of Children and Families has a link on their website for ways for local Wisconsin families to get involved in helping families settle in Wisconsin.

As resources are shared, this list will be updated. Share any resources below.

There is an old adage among service members, “If the [enter service branch here] wanted you to have a family, they would issue you one.” This phrase comes from the idea and feeling that military families are low priorities. Each service branch is different in what program offerings of support are offered to military families. The Department of Defense (DOD) is the broad organization over all the service branches – the Department of the Navy which includes the U.S. Navy and U.S. Marine Corps, the Department of the Army, the Department of the Air Force which includes the United States Space Force, the United States Coast Guard, and the National Guard Bureau. The DOD announced the launch of its biennial Active Duty Spouse survey in July of 2021.

Committed to Families

Per a press release from the DOD, the Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for Military Community and Family Policy Patricia Montes Barron stated that “We are committed to taking care of our military spouses, and these surveys will allow us to engage in deeper dialogue with them and help us prioritize solutions that meet their most pressing needs.  We’re proud of the progress we have made on important spouse issues, especially around stress, relationship support, and employment. We now there is more to do, and these survey results will help guide our next steps.”

Survey Results Make a Difference

While it can be difficult to see or feel the tangible changes that the survey results provide, there are real differences that can be made by answering the survey truthfully. One such impact has come in spouse licensure changes. There are now programs allowing for coverage of new licensure for spouses with each move. This program came directly from the 2019 survey which “brought attention to the increasing lengths of time for spouses to find a job after a permanent change of station move” said Director of the Center Retention and Readiness in the Office of People Analytics Dr. Paul Rosenfel.

Spouses can do the Survey Here

Some spouses were randomly selected for the survey, to provide a scientifically significant sample. This year, all active-duty spouses are invited to complete the survey via the Department of Defense Office of People Analytics survey portal here.

Survey Results

The previous year’s survey results and other infographics are available on Military One Source. Once the 2021 survey is completed, the results will be available on Military One Source as well.

Do Your Part

If you are a military spouse, make your voice heard by going to the survey and completing it honestly. Share the survey link with your friends and within your community. Consider sending it to Fleet and Family Services, or your service branch’s specific Family Services area, to see if they can share the link. The more spouses who answer will increase the volume of the voices heard.

PCS season is full of changes and to-do lists. One list you may not realize you need to have is the list of things to toss before you move and what to buy once you arrive at your new duty station. Reduce, reusing and recycling is nice to do with each move, especially to save the budget as moving is not cheap, but not everything can be moved. If you are moving yourselves – save yourself the time and space in your moving boxes by not packing these things. If you are having the government pay for and coordinate the move, save yourself the hassle of some these gross and weird things from being packed in a box with your dry pantry goods – trust me, it has happened.

Let’s go to the rooms with the biggest offenders. What things do you need to toss the last day in your previous duty station, and just replace when you move into your new home?

Bathroom

The bathroom is a key room to set up when you arrive at your new post. It is a room where an overflowing toilet can do some real damage – so having all the necessary items just makes sense. But you also don’t want a dirty and wet toilet brush that was just used to the clean the toilet, in with your towels or kitchen spices. Here is the down and dirty on what to replace in the bathroom:

• Toilet bowl brush – as said above – it just makes sense. And you will want to have it for one final cleaning in your old home before moving into your new one.
• Plunger – Murphy is no friend of PCSing – he calls when you are ready to move out of your home. Prevent an overflowing toilet by keeping your plunger to the last minute, and getting a new one at your new home. No need to bring those across state lines.
• Shower curtain liners – if you are moving into a home where a shower curtain is needed, those thin, clear plastic liners that you spent a few dollars on a Target (pronounced: Tar-jay )do not need to come with you in your moving boxes. Keep them on your shower until the last minute so you can take showers for as long as you are in the home. It’s worth the few dollars to replace them on your next Target run in your new home.
• Bath mats – This is an iffy one – if you are using your shower until the last day, and your boxes leave before then, you don’t want to be without a bathmat and you also don’t want to pack a wet one. If you have a bathmat you love, consider packing it while it is dry and using an old towel for your bath mat.
• Trashcan – Unless your trashcan was fully protected by a plastic bag, all that trash from the bathroom…yuck.

Kitchen

• Trashcan– Do you want to bring the coffee grounds and banana peel that didn’t quite make it into the trash bag fully? Nope. And just pulling the trashcan off limits should prevent packers from packing the bag of trash into a box, right?
• Mop– Again with packing the wet things! If you are using your mop to clean your old home then you don’t want it packed, but you also don’t want it packed wet. Just save yourself the trouble and get the commissary special mop – it’s under $10 and saves you the headache of finding a potentially moldy mop on the other end.
• Sponges– Oy! With the poodles already! Okay..you get the point though – wet things – bad to pack. Just toss the $1 sponge and get a new one – don’t try to dry it out to pack. And whatever you do, don’t pack a moist sponge and then pack into a plastic baggie unless you want to see a really colorful and crazy science experiment on the other end.
• Broom– One tool you will want to clean the house one last time before you move out, and if packed in a dark box for a few months may attract all sorts of critters. Best to just pass that broom onto an incoming neighbor and get yourself a new one at the next duty station.

PCSing for everyone is a little bit different. Overall, military families want to make moving as smooth as possible. That often means reusing something from a former home in a newer home into a new way. While that is commendable – some items just shouldn’t make the move. Some to toss, some to pass onto an incoming neighbor – and just purchase or get on the free groups at the next duty station.

What things do you purge and purchase again when you PCS?

There are many to-do lists involved in a PCS. While usually last on the list, preparing for what you need to do when you have executed the move is important. There are many things to do, that don’t even involve the shipment of your household goods or unpacking. Since you have enough going on this PCS season with potentially having to pack your own household goods due to driver and labor force shortages, here is a list of things to do once you get to your duty station.

1. Set up utilities. If you are renting off installation, you will need to set up utilities. This includes water/sewer, trash/recycling, gas, electricity, and internet/television. Make sure everything is set up in your name. If you are an active-duty military member, consider setting utilities up in the family member’s name who will be home and not deploying. Many companies will not speak to those who are the primary responsible party, which is difficult to do if the military member is deployed.
2. Change of address – this is a multi-faceted to-do item. Change of address with the post office, change of address with credit cards, banks, financial companies, driver’s license, and shopping addresses. Many states will allow you to change your address online for the driver’s license even when you no longer reside in the states as long that is your home of record due to your active duty military and military spouse status. If you have subscriptions from Amazon, you need to change your shipping address so that you receive the item and not the person residing in your old home.
3. Mail forwarding. The United States Post Office will forward mail for up to one year, make sure to forward mail in addition to the change of address.
4. Update your voter registration. If your registration is not linked to your license, make sure your address is changed for voter registration so that you receive your absentee ballot appropriately.
5. Transfer to the appropriate Tricare region. This can be done online but may require a phone call if the system is having technical issues. In some regions, family members are required to go to civilian providers even on Tricare Prime so make sure to look up providers so you can do research to assign providers. If you have moved overseas, there is a Tricare representative that can help you transfer locations. If you have moved CONUS, everything is done via telephone or website now.
6. Check your military ID to make sure it is not expiring soon. If it is, set up a DEERS appointment with Pass and ID to renew it. Expired cards do not have to be updated until October 31, 2021, per the current updates.
7. Register the kids for school. Unless you were able to before you had an address, not it’s time to get your kids set up for school. Gather the important documents of birth certificates, proof of residency, immunization records, and emergency contact forms to prepare for the registration. Check out this if you need help on what to do for emergency contacts.
8. Find a new vet. If you have a pet, make sure you set up the veterinary record transfer or hand carry those records to the new vet.
9. Register your pet. With each move, check for the area or installation rules for registering your pet. Some locations may require microchipping as well.
10. Meet the neighbors. It is easy to feel disconnected after a move, especially right now. Consider writing a note to introduce yourself to the neighbors to feel out their level of comfort for face-to-face hellos. Knowing who your neighbors are can create a feeling of community, which helps with moving forward.
11. Find dentists and eye doctors for everyone. It isn’t an easy one, but finding new dentists or orthodontists for everyone and optometrists for eye exams are important. Ask in local groups for recommendations and Google like crazy for recommendations.
12. Work on a budget. While not a traditional to-do list item, moving is expensive. Getting into the groove of a new budget is helpful in setting up financially healthy habits.
13. Recycle boxes and packing paper. Traditional recycling or offering up the packing materials on OfferUp, Craigslist, or local Facebook groups helps get the boxes out of your house while helping another family move or recycle.
14. Share with friends you have moved. Once you have moved, it might be time to let everyone know that you have moved. Announce with fun postcards or just the general “we’ve moved!” on social media.

So mark this off your to-do list – you don’t need to make a to list for after the move, it is all here for you!

“Hi, are you new here?” the words often heard and repeated at the height of PCS season by military families who are “left behind.” The new faces at the pool, park, and in the ice cream truck line abound!

The next step for those that are new to that location is tackling the new school paperwork.

And then there is that dreaded page.

The page where they ask for emergency contacts.

Ugh! Hello! Just moved here – we don’t know anyone besides the driver who is driving our stuff from our last duty station, and James sure as heck is not an emergency contact since he isn’t local!

Realistically – how do you fill out that emergency contact list is up to you. Here are how some other military families do it.

1. Use friends in the area. Thank goodness for military life in that we all move. Meaning that the friends you had two duty stations ago are showing up at the same place you are. Score! Someone you actually know, your kids actually know, and you already have their phone number. Sigh, a big sigh of relief because you have that list completed!
2. Knock on doors. If you don’t know your neighbors because you are new to the area – introduce yourself. Their proximity to your home is useful, and getting to know them means your children will know their faces. Don’t just put their name and phone number down on the list without asking – make sure to ask and offer to be their children’s emergency contact as well.
3. Use a sponsor. While a sponsor is more commonplace overseas than stateside, using the only person you know overseas can be used for the emergency contact. A sponsor is there to help with the transition, and being that they are military as well, they probably fully understand the need for an emergency contact for school paperwork.
4. Contact from a summer group. If you could move in early summer, enroll your children in summer activities, or find a summer moms group. Perhaps you can find a friend or new acquaintance you feel comfortable adding as a new emergency contact within this forum. Consider homeschool groups, church groups, or MOPs groups in addition to any summer camps your children attended.
5. Ask on social media. While this seems a little “new age,” the reality is that local social media groups are used for asking for the best local coffee, extracurricular for the kids, or babysitter suggestions – why not ask about an emergency contact? If asking outright seems strange, if someone appears to have similar interests ask for a meet-up with the kids and feel them out – or ask outright if being bold is your move.
6. Your real estate agent. If you used an awesome real estate agent to find your new home, perhaps they will be kind enough to be the emergency contact.

Remember, you can change your emergency contacts. You might put one person down and make friends with a few other people later. It is okay to change the emergency contact. In addition, it is normal for emergency contacts within the military community to move mid-school year, so updating them on school forms is commonplace! Always ask before putting the person down as the emergency contact, so they aren’t surprised if they get a call from the school about your child. Also, make sure that your child is aware of who the emergency contact is if they have to pick them up from school on the off-chance.

Moving is not easy, and moving for children can be difficult to process. Don’t forget about the Interstate Compact on Educational Opportunity for Military Children, which all 50 states have adopted to help military children transition from school to school. The compact provides protection and details on the transition processes if there are other questions about schooling – from special needs assessment to extracurricular activities. In addition, reach out to the School Liaison at your new duty station. Finding schools, determining the best placement, and enrolling in schools is not always simple or easy – the school liaison should have the best local resources.

Military members must maintain a certain level of fitness to complete their jobs and pass fitness testing. COVID-19 presented a challenge in maintaining fitness when gymnasiums on and off base closed. Getting back into the routine of working out takes the same amount of time as building any routine. It takes 21 days to build a habit, so start building the habit of a new exercise routine with these exercises.

Do it like boot camp – a 12-week regiment where you start off low and slow and increase the reps and weights used over the 12-week period.

Before doing embarking on any exercise routine, check with your medical provider to ensure you are healthy enough to do so.

Equipment needed: barbells, dumbbells, and kettlebells – weight amount dependent on what will be challenging to you.

If you have a question on what the exercises are, descriptions are below and you can use your friendly internet search engine to find videos on how they are done

Bodyweight Exercises

Start with 3-4 Rounds of 10-20 reps of these exercises, and slowly build up as able. If you need to go down to 2-3 rounds – do it! Any start is better than no start. Rest for 30-60 seconds in between sets.

1. Jumping Jacks – these are great for getting the heart pumping and muscles warm
2. Push-Ups – Challenging muscle groups of the upper extremities, core, and cardiovascular system with this – mix it up with putting your hands out wide or narrow to challenge different muscle groups of the arms and back
3. Inverted Rows – These challenge the upper extremities and core similar to push-ups, but with the different position it challenges different muscles
4. Box Jumps – these can be done on a park bench or your (non-carpeted) steps in your home; the key is to not jump off the box/step/bench but to step down to avoid injury to the Achilles tendon (the back of the ankle)
5. Reverse Lunge – stand hip feet apart and step one foot back and bend your back leg so your lower leg is parallel to the ground and the forward leg is parallel to the ground as close to 90 degrees as possible
6. Forward Lunge – stand hip feet apart and step one foot forward and bend the forward leg, so the knee is over the foot and get as close to 90 degrees as possible
7. Sumo Squat – feet outside the hips and squat low with putting the knees over toes and getting the knees as close to 90 degrees as possible
8. Plank – try 30 seconds at a time and build up from there

Weighted Exercises

Start with one set of 10 of these exercises and increase the number of sets as able. Rest for 30-60 seconds in between sets.

1. Weighted Squat – Rack dumbbells at the shoulder, feet hip-width apart, and squat with the goal of getting the lower legs at a 90-degree angle
2. Renegade Dumbbell Row – While in plank put a dumbbell in each hand. With the arm fully extended, squeeze the muscles between the shoulders to bring the dumbbell toward the chest pulling the elbow behind you. If a full plank is difficult, go to your knees. If you do not have back problems, you can do a bent-over row bending at the hips with soft knees and doing the same squeeze between the shoulder blades to pull the weight toward you.
3. Bicep Curl – With a weight in each hand of the extended arm towards your body, bend at the elbow pulling the weight toward the chest.
4. Overhead Press –With two dumbbells, one in each hand, you can start from fully extended arms to bicep curl and then push the weights overhead; or start from racked weights at the shoulders.
5. Weighted Sumo Squat – Add one dumbbell or kettlebell centered at your core and hold the weight steady as you do the sumo squat.
6. Kettlebell Figure 8 –With feet shoulder-width apart with soft knees, hold the kettlebell in one hand and go between the legs switching to one hand and going around the corresponding leg and then back between the legs and to the other hand and corresponding side. This one is not only strength training but cardio too!
7. Skull Crushers – While standing or in plank position, with arms extended out with dumbbells in hand, bend the elbows to 90 degrees holding the weights on the sides of the head – don’t actually crush the skull
8. Chest Fly – From plank position, extend the arms out in front holding the dumbbells and lower the weights to the sides and then squeeze your chest muscles to pull them back to in front of you.

Mix and match bodyweight and weighted exercises and increase sets with each passing week or two to increase strength training. Add in cardiovascular exercises like jogging and dancing. A variety of exercises like yoga can add flexibility in addition to strength training.

Any start is a move in the right direction. What is your favorite exercise?

After finding housing for your family as part of the move, when you have school age children, finding a school is the next step. It is not an easy task choosing a school. Sometimes you don’t have a choice if you have limited housing choices. However, sometimes you can “choice into” another school that is not in the district your house is assigned to. It is called a different program in each state (of course), but ask around in your new neighborhood. So how do you choose a school that is right for you and your family?

Where to Not to Look for Information

We all do it. When looking for a home we scroll to the bottom of the real estate facts which list the schools, with grades. We look for the higher rated schools thinking that really equals quality of school. That is not the case. Do not just look at the ratings assigned by the big grading companies.

Where to Look for Information

The most objective facts about schools can be found on the states Department of Education website. Each school should have a “report card” for the school on their department of education website. The report card should provide detailed information on assessments, enrollment, the finances of the school, statistics like free and reduced lunch participation and socioeconomic categories, teacher assessments and school readiness milestones. This objective information can provide an assessment about the school without “grading.” This helps you make the decision that is best for your family with the reality of school.

Know the MIC3

The MIC3 is the Military Interstate Children’s Compact Commission, which was designed to help ease transitions for military families moving from one school to another. The idea is that if your child is in the gifted program or has an IEP at one school, those placements are still in place in the next school. This helps ease moving schools are there is some similarity and familiarity, without having to do the testing or re-evaluation again at the new school. This doesn’t mean that every school knows about the MIC3, or is even aware of it. Like with all regulations, even within the military community, print off the parts that apply to you and bring it into the school. For high school in particular, when schools may not teach things in the same order, make sure to have the course description for each course they took. This helps with placing into the next school. For instance, if you move your child’s sophomore year and in the new school they took History of America but it was called something else at the previous school, the course description allows the new school to know what to provide credit for and place them in the next appropriate history subject.

There are Other Options

For those who can afford it, private school is also an option. Private schools are not assigned a district, so you do not have to live in a certain area of this. Private schools do not report to the state government since they do not take funding from the state, so they do not have a readily available report card like public schools on the Department of Education website. Reach out to the private school for specific information.

Homeschool is a popular option with military families as it allows for non-traditional school schedules. Want to do school through the summer because the active duty member will get a month off in the fall and you want to schedule a trip, then homeschool might be for you. Each state is different on guidelines for homeschool. California for instance requires that you register as a private school providing a private school affidavit. Virginia requires sending a Notice of Intent to the school your children you are districted for letting them know you are homeschooling. Each state has different timelines for this as well, so make sure to research when the dates are required.

There is not one answer for schools for every family. Know the objective information you need to know for your family. Before looking, make a list of what you need and are looking for. Do you need a gifted program? A certain sport? Know what you are looking for when researching schools. Not that you need another thing on your to-do list, don’t be afraid to call and “interview” schools with questions. Their response and openness (or lack thereof) in discussing can help you.

Read that again – you do not have to do it all. You do not have to be doing something every day and every minute. Creating boundaries is healthy, it creates parameters for your valuable time and energy.  It protects YOU as a resource. You are worthy of that. In a community where you often hear that volunteering is the way to get ahead in a career, or how to learn a new skill, it is easy to fall into a pattern of giving and giving.

• Learn to say No.

Know how to say no. Even if you don’t have a specific reason for saying no, give yourself a break every now and then. You don’t need to say yes to making cupcakes for the PTA, bringing a meal to your spouse’s work, or volunteering with yet another organization. It is hard to create those time boundaries, especially when you are used to going and doing all the time. Knowing when to say no protects you, your time and your abilities. It allows you to cultivate the skills you want with the time you have. It also allows for down time and space as this also helps you.

• Don’t volunteer all the time.

Give yourself boundaries for your time. While it is easy to slip into the routine of volunteering at school, at the unit, at a local charity, you do not have to. Yes, you read that correctly. Yes, volunteering is great for learning new skills. But the military spouse market is an over tapped market for volunteering. The frequent moves lead to frequent jobs, often of different job types.

• Take a social media break.

It isn’t a secret that FOMO is real. Seeing the grass on the other side of the fence has created pressure for parents to do it all – the handmade clothes, homemade meals, trips that may not be affordable. Taking a break from social media may be very 1990s, but it allows for more time. Social media provides for distraction and mindless scrolling but this is not necessary. Take time off from social media, or create timers so you respect your time and only accomplish what you need to.

• It’s okay to have cereal for breakfast.

This was a life saver during my spouse’s last deployment. One night a week was breakfast for dinner and the kids loved every minute of it. Take the shortcuts when you can. Cereal for dinner once a week, or more if needed, is allowed.

• Take a break.

Have zero guilt in taking a break. If you need a babysitter so you can have dinner alone without goldfish as a side, do it and do not feel one ounce of guilt.

• Buy the prepared stuff.

Your time is valuable. In a busy time period, buy the pre-cut fruit, the already made frozen pizza and the grocery store sub sandwiches. Down think of it is as short cut or sell out, think of it as resource management. Maybe your budget can’t support it every grocery trip, but on the occasion that you can, do it.

• Pen in self-care.

This is hard. It is adding one more thing to the to-do list, I get it. Schedule it. Take the time that you can to do something for yourself. Maybe it is just a 20-minute virtual yoga session. Or maybe you can do an hour for reading for pleasure. Don’t just pencil it on your calendar, PEN IT IN. Self-care is sometimes self-preservation. You are worthy of penning in that me-time, so don’t just pencil it in.  

• Seek support when needed.

You don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to be the all for everyone. If you have reached your limit, it is okay to reach out to your trusted friends and tell them. If you prefer confidential help, reach out to Military One Source counselors or the DSTRESS line. These resources are there to listen and provide guidance as able to.

You can protect your mental, emotional and physical health by not trying to do it all. Prioritize your time, and know that taking breaks is okay. Remember that there is a season for everything, and sometimes you can’t.