How do you prepare for a PCS?

A military installation relocation can be a very stressful time for a military family. Those 3 little letters, PCS (permanent change of station) can cause the blood pressure to rise in both the service member and the military spouse.

When you add your special needs child into the process, any PCS becomes quite complicated. In addition to everything you normally need to do to get ready to move, you also have to make sure you complete the requirements as an Exceptional Family Member Program participant.

But don’t stress out.

My list is unlike your typical PCS checklist. This list is specially designed for my fellow EFMP families as they prepare for their upcoming moves this summer.

Create a EFMP Folder

Since the reason for EFMP is to make sure that families with special needs do not get stationed at military installations without the services they need, it is important that your records are up to date at all times. Then when those PCS orders arrive, you will not have to worry about getting orders for a place that would not work for your family.

Combine the individualized education plan (IEP), school paperwork, and medical documents into one EFMP folder. Request your child’s paperwork from his or her current school. You will need it.

When we moved to Tennessee I gave my son’s IEP to his new school district. From that they were able to figure out where he should go to school.

Research Therapists

Make a list of the therapies your child needs. You want to find similar providers at your new home. If you are able to you should take some time to research a little about who you want your child to see at your new city.

Use your military spouse Facebook network. It’s a quick way to get a list of Tricare-approved providers and instant feedback from special needs families, just like yourself.

In the end, you might not get a choice, but you want to be prepared to make the best one.

Always carry your EFMP paperwork with you.

Plan for Hotel Life

When it comes time to PCS you might be living in a hotel for a few days or even weeks. Make sure the hotel you will be staying at has what you need. Prepare your children ahead of time for what to expect during the transition.

If you are not doing a DITY move, you could be without a lot of your belongings for an extended period of time. This can be as long as 6 to 8 weeks if you are moving to or from an overseas location. Make sure you make plans for this. If your child depends on a certain toy or blanket, make sure you can find a way to keep it with you throughout the whole move. Do not let the movers pack it. 

Try to remember not to stress during the PCS process. Moving is hard. Change is hard and it is even more so for the special needs child. Preparation now will go a long way in the future.

 What’s your No. 1 tip for a stress-free move?

Pick your battles with a special needs child.

Raising special needs children should have its own parenting lesson book. As a parent, you will have moments when you feel overwhelmed, unprepared, and frustrated with your special needs child. I know I have. All special needs parents have felt that way. It’s normal.

But these feelings shouldn’t become your “normal.”

Here are 5 lessons I learned about raising special needs children:

1. Pick your battles. This is a biggie. Although you want to be firm with your kids, sometimes you need to pick your battles. If your kid is in a certain mood, everything is going to cause a problem so pick what is important and don’t worry about the rest. If your son only wants to wear his Batman jacket and getting on the bus is a big issue anyway, let it go. It really isn’t a big deal. Focus on the task of getting on the bus. Don’t worry about the jacket.
2. Take time for yourself. You need it. When you feel like it is getting to where YOU need a time-out, take one. If you are the only adult in the house it might be hard to do this. You might need to say to yourself, “You know, taking a time-out is more important than THIS battle.” If there is another adult in the house, have them take over for a while. Go take a bath, read a book, or meet a friend for coffee.
3. Look at the big picture. Instead of thinking about the bad days, reflect on the last few weeks or months and see how far your child has come. If it helps, ask a friend to remind you. They don’t see your children daily and can notice a difference. I know with my oldest I believed he would never learn to speak. Then a friend who only saw him every few months told me how much better he was doing. It was hard for me to see this change since I was always with him. It helped to hear that others saw the progress even if I didn’t see it myself.
4. Lean on a support group. This is so important. Find people who support you and your children. Find other families that are experiencing similar issues. Knowing you are not alone and have support goes a long way.
   

   Don’t doubt yourself.

5. Don’t compare. When it comes to special needs parenting, you have a lot of choices. Go with your gut. What works for one child with autism might not work for another. Talk to your doctors, therapists, teachers, and your spouse to figure out what is best for YOUR child. If you feel your kid has a certain issue and people tell you not to worry, but you can’t let it go, get it checked out anyway. I really think moms know if something is going on with their children. Don’t doubt yourself.

Are you raising a special needs child? What lessons would you add to this list?