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Community: A Dying Military Tradition That Needs to Make a Serious Comeback

12/04/2017 By Veronica Jorden

One of the things I remember most about growing up a military brat was the overwhelming sense of community that surrounded us, no matter where we lived.

If someone went TDY or was lucky enough to take leave to go home, we always made sure to keep an eye on their house or even mow their lawn if necessary.

If I got home from school and couldn’t find my key, there was always a neighbor willing to let me use their phone or hang out until my parents got home.

When I headed out into the world on my own, it was that very same sense of community I found lacking in the civilian world. It is one of the reasons why I eventually decided to join the military. But I have to say, things have changed a lot since I was a military kid.

With the rare exception, gone are the days of the welcome wagon. You know, that group of people, usually military spouses, who stopped by your house after you had a few days to settle in. They’d bring a plate of cookies or a pie and introduce themselves so you would know at least one person on your street. Then they’d share all the insider info you needed, like the best days to shop at the commissary or which primary care doctor to ask for.

Community is the best part of military life. How can we work together to bring it back?

But nowadays, we’ve given up extending a hand to those who might need a little help because it’s too much of a hassle.

We swear off spouses groups because we swear we just can’t handle all the drama.

It seems like we have given up the idea of actually meeting our neighbors and instead just focusing on how many friends we have on Facebook or how many times we get retweeted. And while I wouldn’t give up my social media accounts for anything, I really wish we could, as a community, remember that face-to-face conversations are as important, maybe more so than a text or instant message.

Community: A Dying Military Tradition That Needs to Make a Serious Comeback

Laughter shared over a cup of coffee will always be better than tweeting.

We need to make developing a sense of community and service to each other a priority.

Military unit success often depends on being tuned in, not only to an assigned task, but to the well-being of those around you. It creates a sense of team and comradely that binds a unit together.

It is an idea that I wish permeated beyond the boundaries of the FOB and into the greater military community.

It is all too easy to stay focused on your own lane, keep blinders on and just trudge forward.

But when one member of our community struggles, it creates ripples that impact us all.

A “hi” on Facebook or a follow on Instagram is a great way to break the ice, but when emergencies arise, we need to know that there is someone we can reach out to and lean on.

Over the course of my husband’s career, I can think of only one deployment where anyone from my military community, other than my husband, ever called or stopped by to check on me. And I know I’m not the only one.

There are no regulations that require this kind of community awareness, but we should take it upon ourselves to make sure that no matter the unit or location, no member of our community ever feels isolated or alone.

I say bring back the welcome wagon and the dinner brigade. Go out and meet your neighbors, organize a neighborhood potluck or cul-de-sac barbecue. Start caring about the well-being of those you pass on the street everyday. Be the kind face they need when the challenges of this life get to be too much. Be the resource they need when they don’t know who else to turn to.

Be as engaged and involved as you can be because a hug can never be replaced by a “like.”

Laughter shared over a cup of coffee will always be better than tweeting.

Make time and be open to cultivating relationships with the flesh and blood people in your community.

You may be just the friend they need to get through a tough time. And they end up doing the same for you.

Is the military community dead? Do people ever come out from behind their screens and talk to each other?

13 Military-Themed DIY Gifts for Friends and Family

12/01/2017 By Veronica Jorden

Before there were shopping malls, Amazon, Etsy or warehouse stores, the holidays were filled with homemade gifts designed to show those you cared about how much they meant to you.

13 Military-Themed DIY Gifts for Friends and Family

Do you make homemade gifts for your friends and family?

In that spirit and in the fact that many DIY gifts are much easier on the wallet than a midnight run to a big box store, here are 13 ideas to inspire you to get your holiday craft on – military style.

13 Military-Themed DIY Gifts for Friends and Family

Ornaments

The ideas are practically endless when it comes to ornaments. One of the cutest and easiest I have seen uses Scrabble tiles to create military service acronyms.

Top with a unit insignia or pin on rank or wings and you’ve got a great ornament for your own tree or the perfect new addition for your extended family and friends.

You can order letters in bulk from Amazon and other craft retailers. Make sure you use wood glue and don’t forget to add a note of holiday cheer and the year to the back.

Oh The Places We Have Gone – Map Art

Travel and relocation are just part of the military lifestyle. And they can make for a great gift too! If you’ve got a friend who is missing home, try mounting a cut out of their home city or state and having it framed.

A reminder of home can make being so far away feel a little less lonely.

Or try taking small cut-outs of places you know a friend has been stationed or maybe all the places you’ve been stationed together and glue them to flat glass marbles for magnets. This is the kind of gift that will let them think of you with every shopping list or school calendar they tack to the fridge.

Money Origami

Okay, so money isn’t the most personal of gifts, but if you’re gonna give it, try a little origami to make it more memorable. You can make it look like anything from an F-18 to a tank.

Stencil Anything

Military-style stencils are readily available and with a good brush, paint and a background, you can create gifts that are one of a kind. Try using the military alphabet to spell out a favorite word or someone’s last name on canvas or some reclaimed wood.

Love becomes Lima Oscar Victor Echo and a fun piece of art to hang on the wall.

Related: 9 Military Discounts for Those Who Love to Craft

Use Old Uniforms

If you’re good with a sewing machine, try turning old uniforms into teddy bears for your favorite military kid or repurpose them into an apron for a military spouse.  You could also make a tote, a quilt, a wreath or even a stocking!

Cookies

Cookies aren’t strictly military, but giving cookies is a long-standing holiday tradition. Give them a twist using fun military-themed cookie cutters like these.

If baking isn’t your thing or you are strapped for time, consider putting together some cookies-in-a-jar gifts and attaching a fun camo gift tag and tying on a military-themed cookie cutter.

Coasters

This is a great idea if you are looking to make gifts for a whole bunch of people.

Plus the process is really easy. All you need is a print-out of your unit patch or insignia, some modge podge, a sponge brush and a ceramic tile. Make sure you let them dry completely, then add a holiday note and the date to the back.

Here’s an example of how great they look when you are finished. Here are instructions on how to do it. You can also glue 4 flat glass marbles to the back and your coaster becomes a trivet for the kitchen.

Do you make homemade gifts for your friends and family members? Share your best DIY gifts in the  comments section.

The Myth of the Perfect Military Spouse

11/27/2017 By Veronica Jorden

It was one of those days.

You know, the days when nothing seemed to go right? My oldest had dumped a gigantic bag of beads in the middle of the living room floor for the second time that day. My youngest was way past nap time. I was dressed in my usual jeans and seen-better-days T-shirt, my hair was a mess, and I had less than 30 minutes until my husband was due to walk in the door.

My plan to be dressed, pressed, and waiting to sit down to a delicious home-cooked meal had gone out the door hours ago.

And it wasn’t the first time my list of to-dos or taking care of my children had eaten up my entire day.

I so wanted to be that military spouse who had the house cleaned and dinner neatly prepared when my soldier walked through the door.

The same daydream had me perfectly coiffed and dressed to impress. And every time I didn’t hit that goal of “perfect” spouse, I felt like a failure.

The Myth of the Perfect Military Spouse

If I couldn’t do it all when he was able to come home every night, what did that say about my abilities when he was deployed?

After all, he was doing all the hard work, putting on the uniform and training to be of service to our country. He needed a spouse capable of taking care of everything at home. If I couldn’t do it all when he was able to come home every night, what did that say about my abilities when he was deployed?

After a particularly stressful afternoon that had all of my kids recovering from temper tantrums and me in tears, a close friend stopped by for coffee. She was everything I wanted to be. She always looked great. Her house was always immaculate. And I’d never seen her stress about anything.

After confessing my feelings of inadequacy, she changed my entire world with just one sentence.

There is no such thing as a perfect military spouse.

What? How could that be? There were those, just like her, who always had it together. The spouse next door who always had his kids ready and at the bus stop on time. The commander’s wife who always made hosting company events look easy.

She repeated herself.

There’s no such thing as a perfect military spouse.

The look on my face must have confessed my disbelief. Over the next few minutes she confessed to a few cracks in what I thought was her perfect façade. I felt a little better, but I still wasn’t wholly convinced.

I begged her to share her secrets with me. How did she make it all look so easy? She just laughed and challenged me to change my way of thinking.

“So what if your house isn’t perfect? So what if macaroni and cheese is the best dinner you can muster? Those things are not required to make you worthy of love and respect. We each have our strengths. Be your best you and that’s good enough.”

I sat quietly and tried to take those words in. Was it possible to be the best me without being perfect? Could I be the strong, capable military spouse my soldier needed and not be good at everything?

The answer is yes.

My belief in that idea didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of work and introspection. It took time to learn to quiet that inner voice that told me I was a failure and give the stage to the part of me that got up every day and did my best.

I am incredibly thankful I had a friend to intervene and set me straight.

And I hope, should you ever find yourself in a similar mindset that you remember:

There is no such thing as a perfect military spouse.

No matter who you are, where you are from or what you are struggling with, you are worthy of love and respect.

Even if it means that the dusting or vacuuming should have been done yesterday.

Even if it means that PB&J is what’s on the menu tonight.

Live every day with the intent to be the best possible you that you can.  The best you is more than good enough.

Are you trying to be the perfect military spouse?

Spread Some Cheer with These Holiday Card Alternatives

11/24/2017 By Veronica Jorden

If desperation is the mother of invention, I’m pretty sure procrastination is a second cousin. And I’m suffering from both.

It’s already the end of November and I still haven’t made up my mind if I’m going to send holiday cards or not.

You know, with 3 teenagers vying for their gotta-have-it gifts and plans to travel out of town, our budget is already stretched a little thin. And can we talk about how few hours there seems to be in the day at this time of year?

To make this holiday card thing happen I’ll need to:

  1. Coordinate clothes and beg/threaten/bribe my better half and kiddos to smile for a photo.
  2. Spend hours selecting the perfect holiday greeting, font and layout.
  3. Compile a list of all those who must and should receive a holiday card.
  4. Get the right number of cards printed, plus extras, because I’ll always remember a handful of extra should-be-on-my-list-ers after I print my cards.
  5. Buy stamps.
  6. Sign and stuff ‘em.
  7. Drop them off at the post office and hope that I haven’t forgotten anyone, I got the postage right and that they all get there in time to express my sincere holiday sentiments.

I know it’s not a particularly hard list, but the cost and time alone just adds another layer of stress to an already strapped-for-time season. There has to be an easier way! This year, try spreading a little cheer that is both budget-conscious and time-friendly.

7 Holiday Cards and Creative Alternatives

Do you send holiday cards? Why or why not?

7 Holiday Cards and Creative Alternatives

Use a Mailing Service

Many online photo companies offer mailing services at a price that can save you both time and money.  This option doesn’t allow you to hand-sign or include a personal note, so if you chose this option, consider following up with a quick phone call during the holidays or after the first of the year.

Send Post Cards

If including a handwritten note is more your style, and you’ve got a lengthy list, consider sending post cards instead of the traditional holiday cards.

Postage for postcards is a full 15 cents cheaper than a holiday card sent first-class mail. Sites like Vistaprint offer 50 full-color glossy postcards for $10!

Make a Video

Instead of holiday cards, consider recording a video of your family wishing those you love a happy holiday season. Sing a favorite Christmas carol, read a story, tell jokes or just express your heart-felt sentiment. So much more personal than a card and fun to make too!

You could make one video and share it with everyone or create shorter personalized messages for your close family and friends.

Make a Donation

This time of year is a great time to give back to your community or pay it forward.

Instead of spending money on holiday cards and postage, consider making a donation to a good cause on behalf of each person on your list.

Some nonprofits will even send out a thank you to those for whom you have donated. But if you chose this option, consider following up with a quick email to let those on your list know how much they mean to you. Be sure to include a link to the cause.

Just Call Them!

I like getting things in the mail, but honestly, a phone call and the opportunity to catch up and laugh with those I love is so much better.

Skip the stamps and spend a few minutes being present and in the moment with each person on your list.

Wait Until After the New Year

Often we all find we have more time (and money) after the first of the year. And there is nothing that says a holiday card must come in December! Give yourself some time,  shop the great late-season sales for some beautiful winter cards and use your cards to extend your good wishes for the New Year!

Next Year…Start Early!

Some of the best sales on pre-made cards and online photo cards often come at the beginning of fall. Put a reminder in your phone or on your calendar to start earlier next year.

It won’t necessarily help us out this year, but it might make next year a little less stressful!

Do you send holiday cards? Why or why not?

7 Tips from a Military Spouse to Her Younger Self

11/08/2017 By Veronica Jorden

I won’t say I’m old, but if there was a miracle pill to knock a couple of years off, I’d be interested.

For all of my fears and frustrations about getting older, I know I have earned every gray hair, every fine line. They tell the story of a life that, while it’s had its ups and downs, I really can’t complain about it too much.

But as I watch my oldest child begin to figure out her place in the world and prepare to move out on her own, it got me thinking about myself at her age.

If given the chance what would I want my younger military spouse self to know? What imparting wisdom could I dish out to help make my future just a bit better?

Here’s what I came up with:

7 Tips from a Military Spouse to Her Younger Self

If given the chance what would I want my younger military spouse self to know?

7 Tips from a Military Spouse to Her Younger Self

Attend College

Less than half of American adults have a college degree. I was part of the majority without one until just a couple of years ago.

While a college degree won’t solve every problem, it can open doors and help with career advancement and employment.

Many military spouses already have a degree or some form of formal training before they become military spouses, which is amazing!  But don’t stop learning. If you’re like me and on the 20+ year plan or you are looking for a second or advanced degree, utilize the resources the military community has to offer.

Programs like MyCAA can help junior enlisted and officer spouses to obtain or continue pursuit of a degree. There are scholarships only available to military dependents and there are a great many programs and universities who offer discounted rates to military spouses.

Get your college degree – it will pay off in so many ways.

Find Your Passion

As you move from place to place, a passion or hobby can make wherever you are stationed feel like home.

A passion gives you something to occupy your time when your spouse is fighting in parts unknown.

A passion gives you something to look forward to when those horrible-terrible-no-good-very-bad days rear their ugly heads.

And your passion just might be the icebreaker you need to make new friends who share a similar interest or who are interested in learning.

Learn to Budget/Schedule/Plan

Mind-numbing waiting at the doctor’s office, empty bank accounts and frantic searches for missing berets or boots at zero dark-thirty can all be avoided with some forethought.

If creating spending plans (and sticking to them) or developing schedules and plans doesn’t come naturally to you, buy a book, or take a class or print off one of the million or so examples on Pinterest.

Get good at being organized. It will pay off a thousand-fold in both your finances and sanity.

Pick Your Friends Wisely

It is all too easy to latch onto an unhealthy friendship when you feel out of place or lonely. But, sometimes those friendships born of low-hanging fruit can do more harm than good.

Put in the effort to build real friendships that last. Don’t write people off because of appearances or even first impressions.

Hint: real friendships don’t equal drama, drama, drama!

Save for a Rainy Day

Before you know it, you’ll be looking at retirement.

Or the need for a new car.

Or the desire to buy a house.

Or the desire to have a baby (or two or three!).

This lesson isn’t really military spouse specific, but it is one I wish I had learned much sooner.

Always, always, always, pay yourself first. Even if it’s just $10 a paycheck, get into the habit of putting money away. Your future self with thank you, trust me.

Buy Smart and Don’t Buy on Credit

Hand in hand with saving, be smart about your money. If you can at all avoid it, skip using credit cards for anything other than emergencies.

That $500 want-it-now purchase suddenly turns into a $1,000 burden when you add in all the interest.

Be patient and save until you can afford to pay cash for what you need.

At the same time, don’t deprive yourself of things. Go back to the lesson about budgeting and figure out a way to be smart about what you buy.

Enjoy and Experience

Don’t let the experience of being a military spouse pass you by without taking time to enjoy it.

While the challenges are difficult and never-ending, the benefits and experiences this life has to offer are second to none. See the world, taste the food, take pictures. Meet people, try new things, explore.

Learn to laugh at mistakes, empathize with your neighbor and trust that your presence in every place and moment has a purpose and a reason.

What advice would you give to your younger self? Share it in the comment section.

5 Ways to Gain Professional Skills Without Going Back to College

10/20/2017 By Veronica Jorden

I’ll admit it, there was a time when I wanted to be a famous actress. I wanted to devour a screenplay and give my own personal flair to the leading character.

I also wanted to be an innkeeper.

And a baker.

And a wedding planner.

Oh, and of course, a famous author.

While I haven’t quite been able to add all of those things to my resume, I have managed to stay gainfully employed over the last 20 years despite moving every few years. Up until recently, I did it without a college degree.

Don’t get me wrong, if you have a chance to get a degree, I highly recommend it, but going back to school isn’t the only way to learn new professional skills and boost a resume.

Here are a few of the ways I built up my skill set.

5 Ways to Gain Professional Skills Without Going Back to College

Free College Classes

This sounds off, right? How does taking free college classes mean not going to college? When those classes are part of an adult learning program, of course.

You can tap into the wealth of knowledge college professors and instructors have to offer by looking into local adult learning classes. Many times the classes are taught in the evenings or on weekends in local high schools or community centers.

Want to learn a new computer skill?

How to select the proper wine for a steak dinner?

Take a quality photograph?

You can learn all of these things and tons more by signing up for one of these courses. Plus, it’s a great way to meet and network with others who have similar interests.

Volunteer

Can I just tell you how many great nonprofit organizations out there would jump for joy to have someone who is willing to learn and is giving of their time? Volunteering is a great way to jump into an organization and learn about how they do things.

I learned a great deal about people management and branding while working for a nonprofit.  Find a cause that speaks to your heart and then look for a way to get involved.

Volunteermatch.org is a fantastic resource and offers both local and online volunteer opportunities.

Lynda.com

If ever there was a paradise for learning software and creative skills, Lynda.com might be it. Want to learn how to use Photoshop? How to create an effective social media campaign? How to create a WordPress site? Lynda.com offers all of these and more.

I love that you can learn on your own time and at your own pace. A subscription is required, but it’s well worth the access to hundreds and hundreds of training videos.

Temporary Positions

There is nothing better than on-the-job training. I worked for several temporary agencies when I was a young military spouse.

Each job did 3 things:

1. Provided a paycheck

2. Gave me real-life experience to add to my resume

3. Taught me something new

The first two are a given if you show up on time. Learn something new required me to pay attention to my surroundings and to ask questions.

If someone needed an extra set of hands or eyes, I was quick to jump in. Exposure to new software and industry practices is another benefit.

Plus, many temporary agencies have training programs. I worked for Robert Half International for a long time and they have a great training network available to their temporary employees. Not only can you take training courses, but then you can test to demonstrate you’ve mastered a new skill.

Internships

Sometimes a good internship can be hard to come by, but with a little work, you can find them. Some are reserved for college students, but there are still plenty more open to everyone.

Some internships pay, many do not.

Like volunteering, internships are a great way to see how successful businesses operate. But unlike volunteering, internships are designed to help you learn.

Even as I’m writing this post, I’m eyeballing an unpaid remote internship opportunity with a literary magazine. It won’t bring in a paycheck, but it will give me a chance to hone a skill I already have and provide another great bullet for my resume.

What professional skills are you looking to add to your resume?

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

10/16/2017 By Veronica Jorden

I’m a reader. An avid reader. Give me a rainy afternoon, a hot cup of tea and a book and I’m golden.

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

Do you read books about military life and the experiences of military spouses? Which ones are your favorites?

If you’re like me, then you might consider checking out a few of the following books. These 8 books offer great insight and reflection on military life.

Some have made me cry, others had me laughing. And still others have given me pause to reflect on how things have changed in this country and offer a reminder of what service to our country really means.

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

“15 Years of War” by Kristine Schellhaas

I was lucky enough to get to work with the author of this book during the editing process. What really stuck with me throughout the entire process is the authenticity of the life that author Kristine Schellhaas depicts.

It’s a he-said, she-said account of the life of a military family starting just prior to 9/11. It shares the ups and downs so many of us are familiar with and offers a glimpse at how resilient military families truly are.

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

“Confessions of a Military Wife” by Mollie Gross

If you can’t laugh at this life, I don’t know how you cope. Well known in the military community for her hilarious stand-up, Mollie Gross dives a little deeper into her real life and the first time I read this book, I remember thinking,

“Thank God somebody else thinks this way too!”

Honest and entertaining, this is a great book for new and seasoned spouses alike.

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

“Stories from Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life” by Various Authors

Pick a challenge that military life puts us through, and this book talks about it. Written by 40+ military family members, this book is a great reminder that we are all in this together. I was impressed by all of the different perspectives. Another great choice, no matter how long you’ve been in the military community.

This book makes a great gift for family members and friends who don’t quite understand what this crazy, funny and hard life is like.

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

“1001 Things to Love About Military Life” by Tara Crooks, Starlett Henderson, Katie Hightower and Holly Scherer

When your new duty station isn’t everything you hoped it would be, Tricare has you pulling your hair out, or when the up-teenth deployment has you worn out, this book will help put things back in perspective.

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

“Grunt: The Curious Science of Humans at War” by Mary Roach

To me, this book contains all of those questions you’ve often wondered about but never thought to ask. While it doesn’t delve into the life of a service member per se, it does shed some light on the science and technology needed to keep our service members doing what they do.

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

“Behind the Blue Star Banner: A Memoir from the Home Front” by Michelle Cuthrell

I was lucky enough to have my husband with me when our children were born, but countless military wives deliver alone, knowing their spouse is in harm’s way.  If you’ve been a military spouse for even just a day, you’ll see yourself in Michelle’s story. Another great book for new military spouses, especially those facing an upcoming deployment.

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

“Right Side Up: Find Your Way When Military Life Turns You Upside Down” by Judy Davis

One of the greatest responsibilities those of us who have been around for a while have is to share some parting wisdom with those who need it. Judy Davis’ book is a fun, uplifting and practical guide to making the most of this military life. She reminds us that perspective and attitude are as important as orders and duty location.

I Love These 8 Books About Military Life

“Two Stars: Reflections of a Military Wife and Mother” by Victoria Ventura

I added this book to the list for 2 reasons.

First, I like poetry.

Secondly, the ideas presented in this book cover a good amount of history and perspective. It’s an easy read and it made me stop and really consider how I feel about many aspects of being a military wife.

And it reminded me that while we all have a lot in common, how we are affected by the challenges this life brings is different for each of us.

Did we miss your favorite book about military life? Share it in the comments section.

Respect: A Challenge to My Fellow Military Spouses

10/13/2017 By Veronica Jorden

It is a brave and often reckless feat to lay challenge to the military community.

No matter the call or reason, when push comes to shove, we band together and lay waste to anyone who would stand in our way. Be it on the battlefield or in efforts to support a good cause, no one can match our vigor or dedication.

Dare to challenge our way of life or suggest our benefits aren’t rightfully deserved and we circle the wagons into an impenetrable fortress.

It is one that I am thankful for because I know that my community has my back.

Which is why it is so disheartening to see a lack of this unity when it comes time to protect and defend a member of our community from each other.

Respect: A Challenge to My Fellow Military Spouses

I challenge military spouses to rise above and extend an olive branch.

We’ve all seen it. The online interactions that start out as some innocuous discussion about some aspect of our lifestyle that quickly devolves into drama. Accusations of “wearing your spouse’s rank” or the dignity destroying “dependa” comments soon follow. Or maybe you’ve heard the whispered snarky comments and seen the subtle shunning of that one spouse at a unit function.

The military community is an incredible dichotomy of the American public, so conflict of some kind is, perhaps, inevitable.

We come from every state and territory, every faith, every race and creed. But what should set us apart is our ability to appreciate and respect those differences. No matter which uniform your spouse puts on every day, respect is part of the core set of values that govern his or her actions.

Of respect, the Army says:

 “Treat people as they should be treated.”

The Marines include “to respect human dignity; and to have respect and concern for each other” as a defining factor in its core value of honor.

The Navy require sailors to “show respect toward all people, regardless of race, religion, or gender.”

And the Air Force demands that those who serve in its ranks “have respect for the beliefs, authority and worth of others.”

And while as military spouses we don’t take an oath to serve and are not bound by the rules and regulations that govern those who do, we can choose to adopt some of those driving principles.

We can choose to rise above and acknowledge that while we all experience the pains of PCSes and deployments, all must navigate Tricare rules and on-post housing regulations, a great many other aspects of our life are vastly different. And those differences should be celebrated and appreciated instead of singled out or ridiculed.

My challenge to my fellow military spouses is this:

If you find yourself engaged in one of those conversations where you are tempted to draw a line and put someone down, I challenge you to stop and consider that on any given day, you could find yourself on the other side of those comments. That the spouse you are whispering about may end up being the only familiar face at your next duty station. That it is easy to judge another’s actions, but worth the effort to learn what drives actions we cannot understand. That careless words intended to inflict harm to another speaks volumes about your own self worth and will do little to help another military spouse learn and grow.

And if you witness this kind of behavior, I challenge you to take a stand and call it out. Bullying, hazing and disrespect for a person’s self worth and dignity has no place in our community.

That instead of joining in, I challenge you to rise above and extend a hand or an olive branch.

Endeavor to welcome your fellow spouse into your community, be a resource and a friend. Prove by example that we are not a community driven by drama and cattiness.

I challenge you to hold yourself to the same standards of respect that your service member subscribes to and earn respect by giving it.

What challenge would you issue to military spouses?

Readers Split Over Veteran Shopping Privileges

09/25/2017 By Veronica Jorden

Just this past weekend as we were browsing the aisles at the commissary an announcement was made over the store intercom alerting shoppers to the fact that military Exchanges’ online shopping will soon be available to all veterans. It’s a newly added benefit that has seen a tremendously positive response.

But what about commissary privileges?

A MilitaryShoppers article looked at who is authorized to shop at the commissary and opened up discussion about whether commissary privileges should be extended to all veterans.

Cathy B suggested that commissary privileges “should be granted to all those veterans rated under 100% on a limited basis of 12 shopping trips a year plus a bonus trip during November in honor of Veterans Day.”

Carl felt differently. “Someone who did 4yrs should not get the same privileges as someone who did 20 or 30 yrs,” he wrote.

Reading through the comments, it’s easy to see that this is a hot topic for our readers and rightfully so. Shopping at the commissary does offer considerable savings on most products. Let’s address a few of the most common points of contention and some misconceptions.

Disabled Veteran Benefits

While it’s true that veterans with a 100% disability rating from the VA can shop at the commissary, veterans who receive at least a 30% disability rating from the military, are considered medically retired and do retain commissary benefits.

The 2 disability ratings are different. One is given by the VA and one by the military service itself. So many disabled veterans, especially those whose employment options are limited due to any service-connected injuries or conditions, are already granted privileges.

All Veterans Should Get to Shop

This is an idea express by many readers, but there are some logistical and economic factors that make a blanket open door policy difficult.

As some of our readers mentioned, how do we grant access to those who do not retain ID card privileges?

While the Exchange opened shopping to all veterans, that benefit was only extended online. And the Exchange is a self-sufficient, profit-positive business model that benefits from an increase in the size of its customer base. The more buyers you have, the greater your power to leverage those buyers when negotiating prices with manufacturers and suppliers.

The commissary is a taxpayer subsidized model. The bigger the customer base, the greater the subsidy required to continue to stock shelves and pay employees.

And where would we draw the line? Technically, if you’ve served a day, you are a veteran.

Does one day of service entitle you to benefits?

What if you’ve never been deployed?

Who would make that determination?

Are There Other Ways to Make it Work?

Some readers suggested that a special ID card could be issued or “benefit cards” like what the National Guard and Reserves use for their “once a month” shopping privileges prior to 9/11. This might be a viable option, but there would be additional costs associated with creating and maintaining the records necessary to make a program like this work.

Another suggestion made was to charge a fee, much like the national warehouse stores. This fee might prove an additional revenue stream to help close commissary budget shortfalls.

But it is important to consider what a huge influx of potential customers would do to the shopping experience. More shoppers creates additional strain on gate security and road resources. Parking, while usually ample, is limited, as are shelf space and checkout lanes.

An influx of customers could potentially see frequent outages of staple products and longer checkout lines. Which in turn, devalues the benefit being offered to those who are currently entitled to receive it.

I wholeheartedly understand why so many want to share the commissary benefit with all veterans. It is a sentiment born out of loyalty and a sense of community.

Should we see a revamped profit-earning business model like the Exchange emerge opening up commissaries to all veterans would make sense.

However, when you consider the financial and logistical impact, it becomes clear that opening the commissary doors to all veterans is just not a feasible option at present.

Want to have commissary specials and military discounts delivered to your inbox? Sign up for MilitaryShoppers newsletter today.

How I Prepare for His Deployment

09/20/2017 By Veronica Jorden

My husband and I have had our fair share of deployments, extended TDYs and special duty assignments. And while it has gotten easier to deal with the added stress that comes from having to say goodbye, it is never truly easy.

Preparing is often difficult, because it means you have to come to terms with the fact that your loved one will be headed into harm’s way.

For me, there are 4 broad areas of preparation necessary before any deployment: financial, physical, emotional and mental.

How I Prepare for His Deployment

Financial Preparation

Even if you share bill-paying responsibilities, make a point to sit down and go over your finances. This includes all of your bills, investments, credit cards and bank accounts. Make sure you know how to access the accounts and have contact information for each of them.

Consider getting a limited power of attorney. It can be exceptionally frustrating to be unable to upgrade a cell phone plan or resolve a billing discrepancy because your spouse’s name is the only one on the account. Plus, should you lose your military dependent ID card or need to make any changes to DEERS, a power of attorney means you can take care of it.

How I Prepare for His Deployment

What are your deployment preparation tips? Anything that you must do before your service member ships out?

While you are making preparations, make sure you go over both your and your spouse’s wills. It is touchy subject for some, but it is a necessary evil. If you don’t have a will, check with your local legal office for assistance.

Physical Preparation

In the same way that your spouse must make sure they are physically able to deploy, being left behind to manage everything on the homefront also requires you to be healthy and capable.

Before your service member leaves, schedule your annual doctor and dentist appointments. Make sure your prescriptions are filled and up-to-date.

Make taking care of yourself easier while you are dealing with the stress of a deployment.

Physical preparation also takes your surroundings into account. If your spouse always mows the lawn, for example, consider hiring a lawn service or learn how to use the equipment properly if you don’t know how to do it yourself. Again, the idea is to try to make it as easy as possible for you to juggle everything while your spouse is away.

Deployments are a great time to focus on your physical fitness. Exercise can prove to be a great distraction and physical activity has been proven to help improve mood and combat depression.

Emotional Preparation

It’s important to prepare yourself emotionally for the time apart and the added strain of knowing your spouse is in harm’s way. Any emotional stress you’re feeling is often exacerbated by the fact that you don’t want to burden your spouse during phone calls and Skype sessions.

We can never fully prepare for how we are going to handle things emotionally. All we can do is try to put some plans in place to helps us cope when things get tough.

Try to get a good support system in place with a list of folks and phone numbers you can call if you need help. Sometimes just having a fellow military spouse to talk to can make all the difference in the world.

If you need to go home to family or have someone come and stay with you, then do it. There are no shiny medals given for being an emotional martyr, so don’t feel like you have to go it alone.

Try not to isolate yourself. Deployments rarely happen to just one service member in a unit at a time, so consider joining the FRG or family support group. The military has been on a cycle of deployment for the last two decades and there are many programs and resources out there. Make sure you reach out to the chaplain or family support services before your service member deploys so you know what’s available.

Mental Preparation

Hand in hand with dealing with the emotional impact, your mental health is vital to a successful deployment.

One of the best techniques I have found is to make plans to keep myself busy. Taking a class, learning a new skill, trying a new hobby, or even starting a business have all become a focus for my attention while my spouse was deployed.

Left to wander a lonely and bored mind will never been an ally.

Plan ways to keep yourself distracted during the deployment. It’s a great time to focus on yourself a little more than usual and work on any of those self-improvement/self-growth goals you’ve been thinking about.

How do you prepare for your service member’s deployment?

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