By Marguerite Cleveland

    Life as a Military Spouse can be extremely stressful and with deployments you are often carrying the load on your own. Often times you find yourself at the bottom of the list of things to do. For me the hardest time was when I had young children who weren’t speaking yet. It was isolating and exhausting. It is important to take care of yourself because you are the glue that holds everything together.

 Here are a few tips I found that helped me out over the years.

• Find some childcare and take some time for yourself each week. That maybe just taking a shower or going to coffee with a friend. If you are on a tight budget, arrange with a friend and each take a morning where you babysit the others children. It’s a win if the kids are close in age as they will play together all morning. During deployments many installations offer a certain number of free hours of child care. Also check out Mom’s Morning Out at local churches or the YMCA. These can be free or low cost. Some are a co-op where you volunteer and get hours in return.
• Take time to savor a special treat when the kids are napping or go to sleep for the night. Maybe a nice glass of wine or a perfect chocolate bonbon.
• Set a goal. My sister talked me into doing a triathlon and I then talked a few of my friends into it. I downloaded a training plan and made a point to allow time for it. It was such a great stress reliever and the bonus of getting into shape.
• If you have small children, plan play dates. An hour or two at a playground with other Moms can be a nice break in routine. It also tires the little ones out so you will have bonus nap time giving you an additional break.
• Quit saving stuff for a special occasion and use it now. Enjoy a luxurious bath with products you got at Christmas. Get out one of the good plates and serve your meal on it. Using your special things will make you feel special.
• Watch a sad movie. I don’t know what it is but I feel so much better after a good cry. I can remember watching the movie “The Notebook” when my husband was deployed and having a complete total breakdown just sobbing my eyes out. I was exhausted but all that built up tension and stress was just gone

• If your budget allows, a massage, facial, or get your hair done. If you live in more of a resort town some of the spas have nice upscale facilities with saunas, hot tubs and pools. Getting a treatment done will allow you use of the facilities.
• Aromatherapy. I personally do not use essential oils but many Military Spouses I know swear by their use. These essential oils, lavender, sandalwood, bergamot, rose, chamomile, are used to relieve stress, calm nerves, relaxation, reducing anxiety and improving mood. You either rub on your skin or smell the oil to achieve the effects.

     It is important to take the time to care of yourself. So many people really count on us and taking a few minutes each day for yourself helps to keep you going. What is your favorite way to relieve stress?

Marguerite Cleveland is a freelance writer who specializes in human interest and travel stories. She is a military brat, a veteran and now a military spouse.  Her military experience is vast as the daughter of a Navy man who served as an enlisted sailor and then Naval Officer. She served as an enlisted soldier in the reserves and on active duty, then as an Army Officer. She currently serves as a military spouse. She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and two sons. Visit her website www.PeggyWhereShouldIGo.com

By Marguerite Cleveland

    The Department of Defense released the results of a survey in February of this year and one of the findings is that military spouses experience high levels of stress. “I’m surprised at the results,” said no military spouse ever. We all know we experience these levels of stress and so often that seems normal. A trend in travel the past few years has been for girls trips where you gather up your besties and getaway for the weekend or longer. The idea is appealing and having taken advantage of a trip or two, myself I can honestly say it goes a long way towards self-care and relieving military spouse stress.

     Don’t get me wrong, I love our family vacations but for most military spouses it goes something like this. You do all the planning, arrange for pet care, do all the laundry and pack or supervise the packing for everyone on the trip. By the time you get going on the trip, you are exhausted. Then you have to make sure everyone is dressed for the day with sunscreen (a whole other nightmare) applied. Instead of lying out by the pool or beach you are constantly alert making sure no one drowns. My family trips are always fun but I arrive home exhausted instead of refreshed.

     A girl’s trip on the other hand is all about me with dinner with adults, spa experiences, sleeping by the pool in the warm sun, reading a good book and enjoying time with friends. So do you say, yay or nay on a trip. A few things to consider, remember your spouse works hard and when he is out to sea, deployed or in the field it is also work and not fun. Factor in your budget; I could never justify spending money on a girl’s trip if it took something away from my family. So here are a few thoughts and ideas.

• Gifts – I have pretty generous family members and when they give me cash or gift cards for the holidays or my birthday I put these aside for a “me” trip.
• The Kids – Consider your children’s ages and your spouse’s (other family member or babysitter) ability to care for them.  Babies and toddlers can be a challenge so your girls’ trip may just be a few hours away. Go see a movie or get a pedicure with your friends. Even a few hours away can be a nice break.
• Staycation – Spend a day or a weekend locally and do all the not family friendly activities you can find. Eat at restaurants that don’t have children’s menus. No pizza, burgers, hot dogs or mac and cheese allowed.
• Further afield – Score an offseason deal at a high end resort and enjoy the luxury by sleeping in, ordering room service. Take advantage of all the amenities that you normally don’t have time for when caring for your crew.
• I tend to like to stay within driving distance and phone call range.  I have a few friends that take a cruise every other year as their budgets allow. Big trips can be fun but again look at your family budget before you go big.

     What are your thoughts on taking a Mom vacation?

Marguerite Cleveland is a freelance writer who specializes in human interest and travel stories. She is a military brat, a veteran and now a military spouse.  Her military experience is vast as the daughter of a Navy man who served as an enlisted sailor and then Naval Officer. She served as an enlisted soldier in the reserves and on active duty, then as an Army Officer. She currently serves as a military spouse. She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and two sons. Visit her website www.PeggyWhereShouldIGo.com

By Marguerite Cleveland

     When it comes to PCS moves one of the most challenging is a cross country move. It is a long trip and you may not see your household goods for a month or more. It makes packing a huge task because of the length us time.

     Before you begin make sure you have the names of pet friendly hotels and lodging, also check if you have any relatives along your route you might wish to visit or stay with. Also schedule services for your cars so that they are ready for the trip.

     The first thing you should do is look at the route. I plan for 350 miles a day which is what the military allows. You can travel more each day but for us traveling with a pet and children, 350 miles works out to a 7 or 8 hour trip which is a perfect length allowing time for stops. I use MapQuest and input the whole distance in. Then I begin to refine the trip by looking at what cities or attractions are along the route.  I then start blocking off 350 mile legs. With MapQuest you can have multiple stops, so I will input a location to see if it is within my 350 mile range.

     Once you have a rough idea of your trip now you must refine it. The next step is to find your lodging. Google is your friend here. I also read reviews and find Trip Advisor is usually pretty accurate. Finding lodging is very challenging if you have pets. I have found the Best Western chain is pretty consistent with allowing pets. Another must have for a hotel stay for my family is a pool. While my husband and I are tired all day from driving, the kids are usually a bundle of energy due to sleeping all day in the car. A pool is a way to diffuse all that energy.

    My memories of cross country trips as a military brat inspired my lifelong love of travel. Instead of just stopping for gas, look for fun attractions to visit along the way.  Some stops I will never forget are the Corn Palace or the Store with over 70,000 silver dollars displayed. There are plenty of kitschy stops just off most interstates around the country.  A great guide is www.RoadsideAmerica.com, you can put in your route and pushpins will pop up along your route and you can decide which ones to add. We stop every two hours when traveling and make everyone get out of the car.

    In addition to packing everything you will need for 30 days without your household goods, you will need to have refreshments. We pack a large cooler filled with bottled water and the snack box with non-melting treats. With the summer heat it is important to drive with plenty of water and stay hydrated. Monitor your pets and small children to make sure they are getting enough to drink. There are still some stretches of highway that have long distances between exits so you want to have supplies.

     I make an itinerary for each day of the trip with hotel addresses and phone numbers, the general plan for the day and directions. Each car gets a copy. Sometimes you can find yourself without cell phone coverage so it is important to have a plan.

     What do you do to prepare for a long PCS move?

Marguerite Cleveland is a freelance writer who specializes in human interest and travel stories. She is a military brat, a veteran and now a military spouse.  Her military experience is vast as the daughter of a Navy man who served as an enlisted sailor and then Naval Officer. She served as an enlisted soldier in the reserves and on active duty, then as an Army Officer. She currently serves as a military spouse. She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and two sons. Visit her website www.PeggyWhereShouldIGo.com

By Marguerite Cleveland

     Now that my husband and I are facing retirement from the military, I’d like to share some things I wished I knew or would have done differently.

• Buy or make the measuring board that tracks your children’s growth. This cool idea wasn’t invented when I started out and it was so sad to paint over those measurements over the years. This way you can take it with you from duty station to duty station.
• Buy the Trailer or RV. I really wished we had done this our first big move all the way across the country as the travel pay would have almost paid for it. It would have been nice to have our own place to stay and carry a little more stuff when we have had to wait for housing or a place to live.
• Always take advantage of Temporary Lodging Expense(TLE). When you PCS you get a certain amount and days for travel and you don’t need receipts but to take TLE you must have a zeroed out lodging receipt which shows you have paid for the lodging. I’ve met so many people who have camped out in their house while waiting for the movers when they could have had a bed to sleep in each night. In addition to lodging it includes a meal allowance based on the number of dependents based on their age. You don’t get this at all if you don’t use it. It is good for 10 days, five at either end of a PCS move or you can break it up how you like up to 10 days. This is for CONUS moves; there are different rules for moving overseas.
• Keep a ledger with every address you live at. Bonus points for keeping the names and phone numbers of people you knew when living there. You will need this for security clearance updates, some job applications, if your child goes into the military and many more. It is nice to have it listed in one convenient place.
• Always travel with the bolts, screws and other small parts to put your furniture back together. Nothing is worse than trying to find which box those parts are in when trying to set up a bed when everyone is tired and ready for bed. I know people who have elaborate systems for color coding the moving boxes. I have never been that organized but I can see how useful that could be.
• Save every piece of military paper work EVERY PIECE. You cannot imagine how many times we’ve had to reference obscure paperwork over the years. My husband has a big binder for orders, awards, school certificates and then everything else goes in a box. He has had to verify he has attended a school and now facing retirement he has had to dig up quite a few things from his service.
• Always embrace your new duty station. I can remember a move to Fort Leavenworth when we were put in extremely small, substandard housing. At first glance it would appear to be a terrible assignment. It turned out to be one of my favorite. Everyone in the neighborhood had young kids the same age as mine and families would often do impromptu potlucks and we’d all eat outside to get out of our small spaces. There will always be a silver lining if you are willing to look for it.

     What are some things you wished you had known about military life that could have made it easier?

Marguerite Cleveland is a freelance writer who specializes in human interest and travel stories. She is a military brat, a veteran and now a military spouse.  Her military experience is vast as the daughter of a Navy man who served as an enlisted sailor and then Naval Officer. She served as an enlisted soldier in the reserves and on active duty, then as an Army Officer. She currently serves as a military spouse. She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and two sons. Visit her website www.PeggyWhereShouldIGo.com