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Pregnant Military Spouses Concerned about Delivering at Military Hospitals

10/02/2017 By Meg Flanagan

I opened my Facebook news feed and my heart sank. The pictures were everywhere in a matter of hours. From a story that was being shared just in the military community, it quickly gained traction as the Scary Mommy website and other heavy hitters got involved.

The pictures reflect every new parent’s fears about leaving a child with another person. Thoughtless actions and careless words went viral. Now military spouses are left wondering about the reliability of their military treatment facilities.

Pregnant military spouses are questioning whether they should give birth at a military hospital.

When I was pregnant, I never thought twice about receiving all of my prenatal and birth care at the Naval hospital. After all, my insurance is fully accepted and everything would come at a very low cost or be absolutely “free.” I’ve had amazing experiences during both pregnancies and births. My nurses seemed to be attentive, kind and compassionate to me and my brand new baby.

With those photos, however, a little seed of doubt has crept in. How many other military families thought that everything had gone well? They must have believed, like I did, that corpsman would act with decency and dignity.

Instead, through the actions of 2 medical providers, we have learned that this is not always the case.

By posting these pictures, the corpsmen involved violated patient rights according to HIPAA. They shared images of the tiniest babies at their most vulnerable. A baby’s sweet little face was shared to people without parental consent. Worst of all, the infants were manipulated into poses and postures that were degrading or insulting. All without parental consent.

Expecting Mothers Concerned about Delivering at Military Hospitals

Does this news concern you? What actions do you think the Navy should take to prevent this from happening in the future?

Every time someone wheeled my babies out of the maternal recovery room for any reason, my heart skipped a beat. Yes, I had very healthy, medium to large babies. You might call them sturdy.

However, after gestating within me for 40 weeks, these moments marked the very first time that my children had been out of my sight. I worried and waited anxiously until my newborn was returned.

I’m sure all new parents, especially mothers, share this same worry. We have been in control for almost a year, and are now ceding that role to the doctors, nurses and corpsmen. It is terrifying and heart-stopping.

Now we have this additional worry: that someone will take advantage of their position to demean a newborn.

Which brings up another concern: how were these corpsmen placed in this role to start with?

Based on their behavior, in hindsight, it seems as if both corpsmen involved did not enjoy working with mothers and infants. Surely, this must have been evident before they were assigned to the maternity ward. A medical professional doesn’t just suddenly develop such strong negative feelings toward babies. A person who calls vulnerable newborns “little Satans” probably did not start out feeling warm and fuzzy toward her patients.

During our last birth process, we had the mostly amazing corpsmen. We even had one corpsman who went out of his way to include my older child in the new baby’s routine check-up. He was so exceptional that we thought he was a doctor, until he politely corrected us.

We also had someone who was a little rougher than I would have liked and persisted with tests that were causing the baby a lot of distress. After, my spouse and I wondered why that second corpsman was in that position.

Beyond the core incompatibility of these corpsmen, the lack of oversight is also concerning.

A writer for What to Expect When You’re Expecting even shared that the fake nails visible in one photo are considered unacceptable while working with newborns. Long nails and long fake nails have the potential to injure delicate newborn skin. They can carry dangerous bacteria that can lead to infections or illness.

That both corpsmen had the time and lack of supervision to share posed images on social media is also of note. Surely, someone should have been there with them or near them or popping in and out of that location. Someone must have known.

What gives me hope that this incident won’t be recurring in other military hospitals is the swiftness of the Navy’s response.

Through legal and military justice, these corpsmen should be held accountable for their actions. Hopefully, this embarrassment will cause a review of the policies placing personnel in each position. Ideally, the Navy will review the supervision guidelines as well as staff access to personal phones or devices.

It’s unfortunate that the actions of 2 inappropriate corpsmen will impact the future of so many of their exceptional colleagues. Because I personally have had experiences with amazing corpsmen. These ladies and gentlemen went above and beyond to show kindness, compassion and dignity.

However, with so many military families now questioning what will happen or has happened, during their birth experiences, something clearly needs to happen. Military families should feel secure when they are at their most vulnerable, especially on base.

Faith needs to be restored in the system. We are all waiting to see exactly how the Navy will act to accomplish this goal.

Does this news make you less likely to want to deliver in a military hospital?

Why the Breastfeeding Soldiers Photo Went Viral

11/13/2015 By Michelle Volkmann

Military culture is changing a little bit every day. The military is no longer a man’s world. Military culture unites women and men, gay and straight under the same oath to serve the United States of America.

A recent photo that went viral on social media illustrates those changes in military culture. The photo, taken by former airman and military spouse, Tara Ruby, shows 10 female soldiers breastfeeding their babies in uniform at Fort Bliss, Texas. Ruby, who normally takes family portraits, said “her aim for the photo was to normalize breastfeeding in the military” and she planned to donate the photo to a new nursing room at Fort Bliss.

When she posted the breastfeeding soldiers photo on her Facebook page, she had no idea how popular it would become.

Ruby’s breastfeeding soldiers photo went viral when it rack up 2.5 million views on her Facebook page.

But why? Why did this photo go viral? Why did a photo of breastfeeding soldiers become a source of discussion on CNN and Fox News?

Here are the 3 reasons why I think that breastfeeding soldiers photo went viral:

3 Reasons Why the Breastfeeding Soldiers Photo Went Viral

Why do you think a breastfeeding soldiers photo went viral?

National Movement to Normalize Breastfeeding

There are many organizations working to normalize breastfeeding. These organizations encourage mothers to post photos of themselves breastfeeding their children with the hashtag #normalizebreastfeeding on social media. When Ruby posted her photo, she used that hashtag and I think that contributed to its popularity. Individuals who support breastfeeding are looking for that hashtag and ways to show their support on social media.

Movement to Normalize Female Service Members

While there’s a central and concentrated effort to normalize breastfeeding and support mothers who choose to breastfeed, there isn’t the same direct public relations campaign to showcase women in the military.

But it’s there.

There is a grassroots movement, especially among women like Ruby who are former active duty, to show that women can be soldiers, wives, and mothers all at the same time.

“Breastfeeding their babies doesn’t make them less of a soldier, I believe it makes them a better one. Juggling the tasks and expectations of a soldier, plus providing for their own in the best way they possibly can, makes (these) ladies even stronger for it,” Ruby told CNN.

Ruby said on Facebook that she thinks this is the first group photo to show support of active-duty military mommies nursing their babies.

One interesting aspect of this photo is the female service member’s eyes. They aren’t looking at the camera. They are looking into the eyes of their babies.

Civilians Are Intrigued with Military Life

As less and less people serve in the Armed Forces, more and more people know very little about military life. Their knowledge of the military comes from the media and let’s face, there aren’t any military movies showing a female soldier as the protagonist. Wait, correction. There’s one. G.I. Jane.

Therefore, when something like this photo hits Facebook, civilians are intrigued. They post comments on Facebook saying things like “soldiers can’t breastfeed in uniform!” when in fact they can or “oh boy, I bet the Army won’t like this” when the photographer worked with public affairs officer specifically for this photo shoot. Remember the Ruby’s intent was to donate this photo to hang in the nursing room at the Fort Bliss headquarters building.

Civilians don’t expect to see mothers as soldiers simply because they don’t see it in the movies.

In contrast, today’s service members aren’t surprised by this photo because they know that female soldiers pump breastmilk and deliver it to their babies at the child development centers. They know that female Marines return to work 6 weeks after giving birth. They know that female airman work with their supervisors to ensure that they are given an empty office in order to pump during working hours. They know mothers are soldiers, sailors, Marines and airmen.

Now it’s your turn: Why do you think this breastfeeding soldiers photo went viral?

Parents Should Be Ashamed of Facebook Parenting Shaming

08/21/2015 By Julie Provost

Recently I have heard about some military spouses posting photos of other people’s children on their base’s military spouse Facebook pages. They are doing this because these children are misbehaving.

The children are doing things such as throwing trash in the park, picking on other kids or doing something else the poster feels isn’t right. I am not saying that what the kids are doing is OK, behaving that way clearly isn’t, but posting what they are doing on Facebook isn’t a good thing to do either.

Posting photos of other people’s kids on Facebook when your intent is to shame them is not OK.

Facebook Parenting Shaming Is Not OK

What are we teaching our kids and teens when we take part in Facebook shaming too?

Doing so is judgmental and you never really know the story behind why a kid is doing what they are doing. The better thing to do would be to notify the kid’s parent and leave things at that.

I know my kids do not behave 100 percent of the time at 100 percent of the places we go. No one has kids that do. I have carried a screaming child out of the PX more times than I would like to admit. Those moments happen.

We as parents do the best we can do to train our children. Sometimes they act out anyway. We can take those experiences to teach our children that we do not act that way.

If my son was throwing trash on the ground, it would be a good chance to teach him about why we don’t do such a thing. His photo does not need to appear on Facebook in order to get that message across to him.

I am glad that there was not Facebook when I was growing up. As an adult I can step away from the drama but our kids are growing up in a time where anything can be captured on camera and shared with others.

What are we teaching our kids and teens when we take part  in Facebook shaming too?

Doing so teaches them that posting like that is OK. Posting those photos is telling them that it is fine to single someone out on a bad day and make that bad day last forever.

We need to step away from posting shameful photos on Facebook. Whether a kid is doing something they shouldn’t or an adult isn’t dressed the way we think they should be, posting about it on Facebook is being a bully. We want to be the people who our kids look up to and learn from. We as adults should know better and do better.

How do you handle kids who aren’t behaving in base housing? Do you talk to them? Do you talk to their parents? Or do you post your complaint about their behavior on a Facebook military spouse page?

Years ago, public shaming might have meant standing on a street corner holding a sign. The kid who stole a candy bar might be made to stand in front of the store. Yes, people saw the child and he learned his lesson, but then the whole thing was over.

His face was not shared all over Facebook. He was not turned into a meme about good parenting. He was not shamed like that for years and years by strangers.

We really need to think about what social media can do to kids. We don’t want to make things worse than they are by taking part in the Facebook shaming.

When we see parenting shaming being done, we need to speak up so that the posting will stop. That makes for a better world both on Facebook and off.

What do you think of parenting shaming on Facebook?

How to Hide Your Private Information Found Online

07/15/2015 By Michelle Volkmann

In today’s world it seems like nothing is private anymore. Scrolling through a friend’s Facebook profile can tell you a lot about that person, probably more than he or she realizes. It tells you where they sleep, where they ate lunch and their children’s and mother-in-law’s birthdays.

Cybersecurity, while not a new concern, is a growing concern for many military families. In March, a “kill-list” was circulated by the self-described hacking division of the Islamic State group that included photos, names and addresses of 100 U.S. troops. That same month, several military spouses’ Twitter accounts were hacked and the Department of Defense asked military families around the world to be mindful of operational security.

Are you concerned about cybersecurity? Wondering what you can do to prevent your private information from being found online?

Marine Corps' Public People Search Database Removal Guide Helps Military Service Members and Spouses Hide Their Private Information

When was the last time you Googled your name? What private information was found in that search?

The Marine Corps’ cybersecurity division recently published a 11-page handbook, titled “Public People Search Database Removal Guide.” This handbook, available for download, describes methods “to get sensitive or personal information removed from easy access points online, including top search engine Google.”

This guide highlights 10 people search database websites, such as WhitePages and PeopleFinders. These database websites gather information from existing public records and are operated using “implicit consent, which means individuals have to explicitly opt out of each website in order to discontinue access to personal data from the online records.” For each database website, the handbook explains how to opt out and provides a link to these online requests.

The handbook also explains which websites require verification to remove the information from the database. In those circumstances, the service members are asked to upload a copy of a government-issued ID such as a driver’s license. Individuals are advised to black out the photo and ID number before submitting the ID copy to the website.

Related: Social Media Do’s and Don’ts for Military Families

The handbook also lists 5 tips for removing your information from the technology search giant, Google. It acknowledges that opting out of Google can be a challenging endeavor, but it isn’t impossible.

The Marine Corps’ guide recommends that service members refuse to take no for an answer and also that they be courteous when making their requests to remove their private information.

Be nice. They are not only busy, but they are under no obligation to help you. If they do help, it is really as a favor. No one will want to help you if you are a jerk, so be nice!

–Public People Search Database Removal Guide

Marine Corps' Public People Search Database Removal Guide Helps Military Service Members and Spouses Hide Their Private Information

Are you concerned about cybersecurity?

Here are 3 other things service members and their spouses should consider regarding cybersecurity:

1. Search Yourself. Is your home address or phone number available online? Not sure. Take the time to Google yourself. Look at the databases mentioned in the Public People Search Database Removal Guide and see what private information is available on you. Then take the steps to have your information removed from that website.

2. Pause Before Posting. Before posting on social media websites or submitting your address, take a moment to think about how that information could be used by others. Ask yourself, is this information that should stay private? What harm could come from this information floating around in the cyberworld?

Take time to think before posting because once it’s out there, it’s out there. Forever. Even if you delete it or edit the information, a digital copy is still online somewhere. The handbook calls this our digital tattoo.

3. Pay for Privacy. You may want to purchase help from a private company to “eliminate access” to your personal information. But beware. “The terms and conditions vary among different service providers and should be carefully examined and evaluated prior to any purchase or subscription to services,” the handbook said.

Want more information about removing your private information from public people searches? Download the Marine Corps’ “Public People Search Database Removal Guide”  today.

How Young is Too Young for Social Media?

03/06/2015 By Julie Provost

My oldest son is almost 10.5 years old. He hasn’t yet asked about social media although he has asked when he can have a cell phone. I tell him that can happen in junior high. As far as my children having their own social media account? I want to wait on that. Facebook wants your kid to be thirteen but I know some parents make accounts for their kids at a younger age.

The big question is when should you let your child, pre-teen or teenager create a social media account on Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter or Instagram?

When I think about my child on social media, I think about what they would use it for. For friends, to connect with us and other family members, to be apart of that world. I am not sure I am ready for that kind of connectivity at the ages my kids are. My kids know about the Internet. They use it at home and at school. They know how to look up information about their favorite video games.

They are not really aware of social media even though they do know that there is a place to share photos with Grandma.

I know for myself I would like to use the guidelines Facebook puts out. No Facebook account until you are 13 years old. But with that will come a lot of moderation and rules. I don’t want them just talking to random people. I would want their friends list to be very small and I would need to have access to it. I wouldn’t want to be a spy but I also want to make sure that my children know I can read it at anytime.

I have some friends with teenagers and it seems to be that Instagram is the place to be these days. Facebook is for “old people.” I am not sure what will be popular when my oldest turns 13 but something about a photo-sharing site being where the kids are seems a little scary to me. It isn’t that I would worry about what they were sharing with their friends, I would worry about the outside world following and tracking them.

As a military family they will always have to be concerned about talking about their father’s job, where is he, if he is home or at training or if he is deployed. They would have to be old enough to know what they are allowed to share and what they are not. At 10 years old, I don’t think my son is ready for that yet. It is possible that some 10 year olds are but I would still caution parents on giving a child that age their own social media account.

When I was 16 my Dad got us the Internet for the first time and I found myself talking to strangers on there. The internet was very new and I don’t think my parents realized the danger in that. I think it is important that when you do allow your child their own social media accounts that they come with the understanding that they will follow a set of rules. Without that they could be put in danger. Even more so if they have a family member in the military.

How Young is Too Young for Social Media?

Does your child have an Instagram account? How do you monitor it?

So when should your child have their own social media account? When you as the parent feel they are ready, when your child truly understands what social media is and when they can agree to your rules about using it. I say 13 or junior high is a good age to start.

What do you think? At what age is it appropriate for a teen to have a social media account? How do you monitor their social media presence?

Social Media Do’s and Don’ts for Military Families

12/26/2014 By Julie Provost

ISIS threats, the Navy SEAL  who claims he shot and killed Osama bi Laden has been revealed and odd social media accounts trying to add us as friends? Maybe we should be examining social media “do’s” and “don’ts” for military families. Maybe we should be making a few changes to keep us safe!

Military Family Social Media Do’s

  • be careful about how much information you give out on social media. I have a rule that in most cases I only share what I did after the fact. This means waiting on Instagram photos and waiting until something has already happened before I share it. I just feel better about this and know that if I do it this way, I can keep my family a little safer.
  • ask your spouse what they are comfortable with you sharing. Some service members would prefer you don’t share anything at all. Others are more open with it.
  • guard your Facebook account. Don’t add people you don’t know. Be smart. Don’t feel like you have to respond to someone because they sent you a message. Block anyone that makes you feel uncomfortable.
  • remember PERSEC. This is when you are careful about what personal information to share online. It is a good idea to edit out any last name, rank or unit information when sharing photos of your loved one in uniform.
  • listen to any warnings coming from your spouse’s command. They might have more information than you do and it would be best to listen to them when it comes to this.

Padlock on computer keyboard

Military Family Social Media Don’t…

  • break OPSEC. This is sharing information with dates and locations. It is a big no-no. Even something as simple as, “My soldier will be home in three days” is breaking OPSEC. It might not seem like what you are saying is that important but if someone reads it, reads a few other posts, they can put things together and that can make things unsafe for you or your service member.
  • tell the world everything about you. The world doesn’t need to know. Keep some things private. It is not only a good idea but it will make you feel better when you are not sharing everything with the world.
  • leave social media altogether. You don’t have to do this. You can customize your settings, post smartly and you should be OK. You don’t have to leave and delete yourself from the virtual world.
  • post photos of where you live, where your kids go to school or anything that could easily be used to find you in person. This can be hard to do when you have so many social media accounts but it is the best way to keep yourself safe.
  • ignore social media privacy settings. You can make it so only your family sees your photos and your posts about your kids. This doesn’t mean you should share all on there, just take some time to tighten things up so only the people you really want to see your personal information can see it. Facebook also has a way to turn all of your public posts private at once which is a great thing to do every once in a while.

How are you making sure you protect you and your family from online or offline threats? Have you changed the way you are on social media because of them?

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