separation

How Is My Husband Always Gone For Mother’s Day And Home For Father’s Day?

06/01/2018 By Meg Flanagan

Ahhhhh, Mother’s Day. That glorious Sunday in May when mothers everywhere lounge luxuriously in bed.

We’re all peacefully waiting for our badly buttered toast to arrive, paired with an alcohol heavy mimosa. And then the whole family skips to brunch with happy, shiny faces.

Everything is right on Mother’s Day, as we celebrate the years of excruciating physical labor it takes to raise up a child. Many moms mark this occasion with flowers, wine, candy, cards and a trip to the spa.

Except for me.

And I’m guessing a bunch of other military spouses too.

Instead of my sweet baby angels bringing me cold cereal, I was awakened at zero dark thirty by my child screaming. I rolled over to nudge my husband, reminding him that it’s my day to sleep in, except, oh wait, I’m riding solo today.

Just like many Mother’s Days past, and certainly in the future as well, the military has thoughtfully scheduled field exercises today.

How Is My Husband Always Gone For Mother's Day And Home For Father's Day?

This year I’m observing delayed Mother’s Day on June 17, which just happens to be Father’s Day.

Guess who won’t have any work obligations on June 17 though? My husband.

Instead, he’ll probably be at the golf course celebrating Father’s Day. All alone. While I handle the kids by myself. Again.

Why is my husband always gone for Mother’s Day, but home for Father’s Day?

It seems like a cruel joke the military likes to play on me every year.

“Hahahaha, let’s leave all the non-active duty moms at home without their spouse today. Oh, but make sure the men are all home for Father’s Day. Can’t miss playing a few holes, am I right?”

Well, this year the joke’s on you, Dad! Because I’m observing delayed Mother’s Day due to scheduling conflicts. My personal Mother’s Day just happens to be on Father’s Day. Weird, right?

It seems like you might have had an OK time at your “exercise” in Seoul. I heard the all-you-can-eat Korean barbecue was delicious. The K-Pop karaoke looked fun too. I’m sure having a hotel room all to yourself with no one needing you to wipe their nose was pure torture.

Bonus: you got paid to be there!

Since you got your special day early, I’m going to go ahead and take mine right now.

When Dad’s Gone in May, Mom Plays in June

You’ll get to celebrate the joys of fatherhood the same way I basked in the glow of motherhood while you were gone. In short: alone.

That’s right, the kids are all yours today. Because you should spend Father’s Day celebrating with the precious little tykes who call you Dad.

Let’s start the day early. I’ll head out for a long sunrise run so that you can be the first face the kids see in the morning. Such a wonderful gift!

Next, you can enjoy a chilled coffee over soggy cereal. The handwritten cards will tug at your heartstrings.

Then, head out to the beach, pool or playground. Really, go wherever your heart desires. If you can get them to handle sitting in the cart, take them to the golf course. If not, mini golf is basically the same thing.

I won’t even be mad when you bring them back loaded up with sugar and sticky with melted ice cream. They have summer camp tomorrow!

While you’re out celebrating, I’ll make sure to prep the grill and food for you to cook when you return. I want you to have the honor of getting those steaks just right.

As for the middle part of the day, I was planning on having a working me-day. I’ll field some emails, check Facebook and then head off to be tortured at the spa. I’m talking brunch, massage, pedicure and facial. All while sipping champagne. It’s going to be terrible.

You can swing by to get me on your way back from mini golf.

How does your family handle missed holidays or special days? Share your tips in the comments!

Tips for Veterans Who Want to Be Franchise Owners

12/06/2017 By Kimber Green

Veterans and service members are looking into ownership of franchises like never before.

According to the U.S. Small Business Administration, roughly a quarter of all veterans are interested in starting their own businesses. Franchises are a very popular route to go for many of them. With the business framework already in place, opening a franchise is an easy way to enter the market.

Franchises are so popular that the International Franchise Association reported that 1 of every 7 franchises in America is owned by a veteran.

The number of veterans owning franchises may be so large because of all the help available to make business ownership possible. There are many tools veterans and their spouses can use to help make the decision to buy one of the numerous franchises.

Also hundreds of companies offer incentives for veterans to become a franchise owner. Here are a few things you need to consider if you are interested in franchises.

Tips for Veterans Who Want to Be Franchise Owners

Veterans are buying into franchises at a record pace. Here are a few things to consider if you are interested in owning one.

Is buying into a franchise a good decision for my military family?

Many veterans and military spouses dream of owning their own business. My husband wants to own a small bar when he retires. He has talked about it casually for years. I have always wanted to own a coffee shop. While we both dream of these things, I have to wonder if either of them will ever become a reality.

Do you dream of owning a business? Would it be one of the thousands of franchises in America?

The first things you need to do when considering opening a business is to decide if owning a franchise is the right thing for you and your family.

Ask yourself the following 4 questions:

Are you passionate about the industry you are considering?
Is this merely a hobby you enjoy or will you actually like to take this on as a business?
Is there room in the market for this business?
Is this the right time in your life to open a business?

Think about your family’s circumstances, financial stability and viability of franchise ownership. If your family decides that owning one of the franchises available is the right move, then you need to look into how to choose one of the franchises.

How do I become a franchisee?

Start your research with the U.S. Small Business Administration. They have a veterans business outreach center (VBOC) program. They offer services to help veterans with business training, counseling and referrals. This includes workshops on business development for issues such as being self-employed. There are business counselors available to help on a one-on-one instance as well.

The VBOC program also offers a feasibility analysis to help veterans determine if a business will be successful. They will review your business plan in doing so.

There are 8 things to do to own one of the franchises available in the United States. First, decide which type of franchise you would like to own. Next you should look to see what franchises are available in that industry. You will want to take into consideration the requirements to own a particular franchise in that segment. You should also research the market in the place you wish to open your business.

If all looks well, then you can send an inquiry to the franchise. You’ll need to fill out an application for the franchisor. They will want to see if you are a good candidate to own one of their franchises. When you get a reply, if it is positive you will need to think of the next steps. This will start with finances. You need to decide how you will fund purchasing a franchise.

What incentives are available to veterans for starting a franchise?

Most businesses require a buy in and you might not have the startup money for it. Luckily, many businesses offer incentives and discounts for veterans to open one of their franchises.

There are 650 franchises listed with the International Franchise Association that offer these incentives and discounts for veterans and their spouses.

The Veterans Transition Franchise Initiative, VetFran has helped 2,089 veterans become small-business owners with their financial incentives.

Politicians are getting into the spirit of veteran-owned businesses as well. The Veteran Entrepreneurs Act of 2017 was introduced at the beginning of the year. Its purpose is to provide entrepreneurship training to veterans and their spouses. The bill would amend the Small Business Act to include a female veterans business training program as well as one for disabled veterans. An outreach center will provide financial assistance including financial management, marketing advice, training and technical help.

While that bill is lingering in Congress, you can look into the incentives the franchise you are interested in purchasing to see if they are big enough to make ownership a reality.

What questions do you have about franchises?

Should Military Spouses Tag Along on TDYs?

11/16/2016 By Veronica Jorden

After 18 years as a military spouse, I’ve lived through my share of service-connected separations. Be it multi-month deployments or weeks-long TDYs, separations are a part of military life.

Some military spouses, especially those new to this lifestyle, often struggle with the idea of separation, even for a short period of time.

And while deployments don’t allow military spouses to visit troops in country, many spouses do make the decision to follow their service member while they are on temporary duty.

I certainly appreciate the desire to be near your spouse, especially when a separation comes after basic training or in conjunction with a PCS to a new duty station.

Should Military Spouses Tag Along on TDYs?

Few military spouses have the luxury of packing a bag and hitting the road. If you plan to follow your service member on temporary duty, you’ll need lots of lead time to prepare.

But before you pack a bag and make a long-term hotel reservation, here are a few things to consider.

Your Service Member’s Free Time May Be Limited

A TDY typically involves some kind of training or special mission requirements. As such, a service member’s free time may be limited or they might be restricted to the duty station or facility. They may also work odd hours or have homework that limits the amount of free time they have outside of work.

So what does that mean? You might find yourself sitting in a hotel room in a town you’ve never been to before with no spouse to keep you company and zero support network.

If you are prepared for the possibility of spending a lot of time alone, make sure you have something to focus your time and energy on in between the sporadic visits from your spouse. You may want to take an online class, write a book or volunteer for a local nonprofit organization.

Planning Ahead Is a Must

Few of us have the luxury of packing a bag and hitting the road. If you plan on following your service member on temporary duty, you’ll need lots of lead time to prepare.

If the TDY is in conjunction with a PCS, you may need to give notice to terminate a lease and schedule a household goods pack-out.

Reservations at many hotels around busy military installations may be limited or long-term stays and temporary or short-term rental properties may not always be available. If you have pets, availability may be limited even further.

It is tempting to throw caution to the wind and figure it out as you go. But consider the extra strain and stress on a service member if you are unable to secure living arrangements.

Training and focusing on the mission becomes infinitely harder if you are worried about your spouse sleeping in your car.

If you make the decision to accompany your spouse, don’t leave the planning to the last minute. Plan to have a conversation about expectations. Try to talk to other service members about services and facilities available for a short-term relocation. Have a plan B in the event that a 3-week course suddenly becomes 6 weeks.

TDY Life May Be Costly

Perhaps the biggest consideration for a short-term relocation for military spouses is budget. Can you afford to quit your job or take a leave of absence, for the duration of the TDY?

Don’t forget that you may find additional costs associated with living out of your suitcase. If your living arrangements don’t include a kitchen or a washer and dryer, make sure you include those costs into your monthly budget.

The seasoned spouse in me wants to tell my fellow military spouses contemplating one of these temporary relocations to reconsider.

That the potential strain to relationships and budgets aren’t worth the occasional opportunity to see your spouse. That being alone in a new place without the benefit of a unit to turn to in times of need is time better spent in a familiar place or with family.

But instead, I will simply say this — Military life affords us ample opportunities for adventure and promises countless nights will be spent counting down to a reunion.

Separations are never easy, but we can and do learn to persevere through them. We must each make decisions about what is best for us and our families. If you decide this kind of move is right for you, be smart about your reasons and be fair in your expectations.

Have you ever moved to a location temporarily while your service member was conducting training or a short assignment there?

End of the Deployment? 5 Tips for a Military Homecoming

07/22/2015 By Julie Provost

Even though you never thought the day would come, the end of the deployment is almost here. Your spouse is coming home and it is time to prepare for his or her homecoming.

You know there is a lot you need to do, but how do you get started? What if you miss something? Everything is going to be OK, I promise.

What advice would you give to military spouses preparing for a homecoming? Photo credit: Michaela Stuart Photography

Here are 5 things to think about when getting ready for a military homecoming.

1. Find an Welcome Home Outfit. You want to look good when your spouse sees you for the first time after months apart. Picking an outfit has always been one of my favorite things to do. Depending on the season, I have worn anything from a summer dress to a nice sweater and jeans. You want to be comfortable but it can be a lot of fun to pick out something new and a little more fancy than you would be used to. If you have friends who are also getting ready for homecoming, you can all shop together.

2. The Kids. If you have children you need to decide if you are going to have them at the homecoming with you. Keep in mind that you will be waiting for a few hours and if the flight gets in at 2 a.m. having someone come over to your house to watch the kids while they sleep might be a good idea. You could also have a night with your spouse before he or she sees your kids if you have a good babysitter to watch them. Every homecoming we have been to has had an area for the kids to play, which is nice and can keep them occupied during the wait.

How do you prepare your kids for a military homecoming? Photo credit: Michaela Stuart Photography

3. Make Signs. Holding a sign when you see your spouse coming off the plane or into the building is a lot of fun. The FRGs I have been in usually have a day to get together and make signs. You can also make them at home with your kids or even have one made.

4. Clean the House and Car. You will want to spend some time getting the house and car cleaned. If it’s in your budget you can hire someone to clean the carpets too. Try not to stress about how clean the house is. Your spouse will be fine if your house does not pass the white glove test. However, coming home to a clean house when you have been away for a while is a great feeling so I always try to do a deep clean before my husband gets home.

5. Relax and Remember. It can be easy to lose your cool during this time. The weeks before homecoming can be very stressful. Remember that times and dates can change. They can do so by the hour, the day or even the week. I have heard of soldiers being delayed by 2 weeks or even longer. Try to stay calm and take everything day by day. Remember to relax when you can and still stay busy until the end. The last week will drag by and you might go crazy if you don’t have anything to do while you wait.

Homecoming can be one of the best days of your life. Try to remember that the details will all work out, no matter how crazy it gets. Prepare yourself for changes and look forward to good times together again.