Military Life News

Military Life News, Commissary Rewards and Military Discounts

4 Military Phrases That Sound Strange When Military Spouses Say Them

By

by Amanda Marksmeier

Spend just a few minutes at any military base and you will discover an entirely new language full of odd phrases and acronyms. While terms like PCS, LES and BAH are imperative to a military spouse’s survival, there are some terms that sound quite strange coming from military spouses’ mouths.

4 Common Military Phrases That Sound Strange When Military Spouses Say Them

Hooah and Oorah

“Hooah” is widely used in the Army and Air Force as the standard answer to any question.

“Oorah!” is the Marines’ version.

The military thrives on discipline and obedience so no matter how the service member really wants to respond to “You have extra duty this weekend” they are expected to answer with an enthusiastic “Hooah” or “Oorah.”

We, as military spouses, should shy away from using these terms. Think about it. When your spouse comes home with deployment news, are you really excited about it? Would you reply, “That’s great news, I am so happy to hear it!”?

“Hooah” and “Oorah” doesn’t accurately communicate the authentic feelings of a military spouse.

Latrine and The Head

The military uses both terms to refer to the restroom. I don’t know about you, but when I hear someone say latrine it evokes images of dirty port-o-johns and dingy yellow titled rooms, with blinking fluorescent lights and urinals troughs.

The oasis you created in your home to resemble a quiet spa-like retreat with fluffy white mats, calming pale blue walls and a lavender Scentsy burning should never be referred to as a latrine. Isn’t powder room a much better description?

4 Military Phrases That Sound Strange When Military Spouses Say Them

What are some military terms you have heard military spouses use? Do you think it sounds strange when a military spouse says these words?

Buck Up

Buck up is used to inspire troops to embrace the suck and push through. When military spouses use this phrase, it is usually done in a sarcastic “Buck Up buttercup” kind of way.

Your spouse is gone for a week and missing your anniversary. Buck up buttercup! PCSing to a less than desirable place? Buck up buttercup!

I admit I have been guilty of this. I sometimes forget how difficult it can be as a new military spouse. It might be our seventh deployment or fifth PCS in four years, but it is someone’s first. Just because I have learned to accept the ups and downs of the military life, I must remember many spouses struggle with finding acceptance and balance in a difficult situation.

Instead of telling our fellow spouses to “buck up” we should be asking how they are and remind them to stay strong.

Deployments, Rotations and TDY

We have all heard a new spouse say, “My spouse is on deployment to Germany.” While we suppress an eye roll, we often forget we probably didn’t know the correct terms when we started out.

A deployment is defined as the movement of troops to a place or position for military action. Deployments are usually three, six or nine months long but can vary depending on assignment and branch. These movements take place in combat zones such as Iraq or Afghanistan.

Related: 5 ‘In Uniform’ Rules All Military Spouses Should Know

A rotation is when a military unit relives another unit in a non-combat environment such as Kuwait or Korea for a fixed amount of time anywhere from nine to twelve months.

A TDY (Temporary Duty Assignment) refers to a service member who is on assignment at a location other than his or her permanent duty station. TDYs can take place stateside or overseas and is usually for no more than 139 days.

Here are four military terms and phrases military spouses should be using.

Mandatory Fun

Mandatory fun refers to a company or unit sponsored event which service members are required to attend. These events can be organizational days which include football, fishing or another group activity, so there is fun to be had.

After attending our first unit organizational day, I adopted this term and use it every time we go out as a family. When given the choice to participate in a family outing, my kids usually say no. I have a teenager who has a very active social life and an eleven-year-old that we have to pry the game controller from his hands just to eat.

I no longer give them a choice; I give them a command.

You will come, you will have fun and you will enjoy time with your family. That’s an order!

Voluntold

This term gives the illusion that it is optional, however, we all know it really means you have been selected to volunteer for a task.

In a perfect world, my kids would volunteer to take out the trash or mow the lawn, but just like most of you, I don’t live in a perfect world. So, voluntold is how most things get done in our house.

Got Your Six

On the face of a clock, the number six is directly under or behind the twelve. In the military when someone says “Got your six,” it means “I’ve got your back.” In a combat situation “got your six” literally means “I’ve got you covered, I will look out for you and protect you.”

Related: 16 Money Terms Every MilSo Should Know

This is a great phrase to use as a military spouse. It is so important that we all have our fellow spouses’ backs.

Household 6

The 6 refers to the commander in charge, so Household 6 is a joking way to say commander in charge of the household. As military spouses most of us are responsible for the household.

We know where everything is (my husband still has no idea where anything is in our kitchen). We keep up with the kids’ schedules and pay bills in addition to having careers of our own, so of course we are the commanders of the household.

What are some common military terms you have heard military spouses use?

Amanda Marksmeier is an Army wife and mother of four. She works as an employment specialist assisting the military community in achieving their career goals. Amanda is also a contributing writer for a quarterly employment journal and has written for several military affiliated blogs.

I Crossed the Unwritten Officer and Enlisted Friendship Line

By

I joined the military spouse ranks at the end of an era. Which specific era, you might wonder? Well, the end of the blatant separation of spouses into “officer” and “enlisted.”

When my husband was wrapping up his stint at initial training, all of us wives (and it was only wives) were herded into an auditorium and given the rundown on life as a USMC spouse. We learned the ropes from a seasoned spouse and were handed a copy of Parade Rest.

We were lectured about protocol and decorum. I, the dependent spouse, was a direct reflection on my husband and his career. My behavior needed to be impeccable at all times. The correct place settings and seating arrangements for every possible formal and informal dinner party was reviewed in my new book.

Oh, and the rules against officer and enlisted fraternization were reviewed. But I didn’t really pay close attention to that part of the seminar. I guess it covered spouses, too. I mean, it must have, based on how other newly minted military spouses were acting.

I crossed the unwritten officer and enlisted friendship line.

And I don’t care. Because that line isn’t a real thing. It’s something that someone way back in the “good old days” created.

Some of the friends that I do life best with happen to be on the “other side” of that line.

The whole rank thing came up once at the beginning of each friendship. And then it was done.

No one blinked.

No one flinched.

Our spouses’ ranks aren’t even discussed, except for a hearty congratulations when someone gets promoted.

I Crossed the Unwritten Officer and Enlisted Friendship Line

We’re all just spouses. By “just” I really mean without the officer or enlisted caveat attached.

I have just a few criteria for my friends. First, be kind to my kids, but don’t be afraid to make them toe the line.

Also, it would be nice to enjoy a few similar hobbies. I’m into true crime, running, reading, writing and being salty about military life.

Finally, I like to have adventures and try new things.

Can you hang with that? Great! You’re in.

This attitude is becoming more and more the norm of military life and friendship among spouses.

The atmosphere has changed slowly over the last decade or so. I’m so glad that it has too. It makes everything much nicer and friendlier. Having an “all-hands” spouses club unites all of us for the good and, honestly, the food.

It wasn’t always like this, even in the very recent past.

I remember overhearing troubling conversations as a young(er) spouse. Harsh, untrue stereotypes were repeated. Some folks thought they could “just tell” what rank someone’s spouse wore based on their accent, clothing, number of children or perceived education level.

When I volunteered in the family readiness group at our first duty station, a few spouses liked to throw down rank very obviously. As if it made a difference to who got the last word.

Related: 10 Situations that Hurt a MilSpouse Friendship

One of my friends from that experience happened to be married to an enlisted Marine. After all the nonsense at my military spouse indoctrination, I was nervous about venturing into this friendship. I didn’t want to create a situation. I hesitated to connect on Facebook. I paused before socializing outside of unit events.

Then my husband set me straight.

We’re all just spouses.

By “just” I really mean without the officer or enlisted caveat attached. At the end of the day, we married the person our hearts connected to the most.

It wasn’t because of what was on their collars, but because of who they are as a human.

Although, if we’re being honest, how they look in dress uniform might have played a role in the process.

Breaking through that invisible O/E friendship barrier was the best thing I’ve done as a spouse. When I decided to stop listening to the stereotypes and the unwritten rules, I gained a whole lot of love, light and laughter.

I’ve got a whole army of amazing friends that I know I can call on, day or night, for anything. Whatever our spouses do, we’ve got each other. And to be honest, none of us are really 100% sure what our active duty other half does some days.

We’re all in this together, all of us military spouses. We are all just trying to get through this wild ride, with our sanity mostly intact. So cross that “line” if you spot a kindred spirit. It will be so worth it.

We want to hear from you! Tell us what “rules” you’ve proudly broken as a military spouse!

Understanding the Dress Code at Your Military Installation

By

As I moved to close the car door, I happened to look down. Uh-oh. I was wearing athleisure leggings. I did a quick mental calculation.

Color of the leggings + intended use (regular wear vs. athletic pursuit) + other clothing

This could determine whether I am asked to leave the exchange or whether they let me slide, for today. Luckily, I was wearing a normal shirt, the leggings were black and I had on flats. If I had been wearing a race finisher shirt, the story could be totally different!

Every military base has very clear guidelines about what you can and cannot wear in each building or location. Understanding the expectations at your base could make your time there much easier.

Understanding the Dress Code at Your Military Installation

Athleisure wear is becoming the norm for many, but it is still considered unacceptable attire for many on-base buildings and businesses.

Understanding the Dress Code at Your Military Installation

Where to Find the Dress Code

Every military building has the dress code prominently displayed, usually near the front door. Typically, the dress code is a poster-sized color graphic the includes demonstrations of correct and incorrect attire. Following a dress code, for service members, civilians and dependents, shows a level of respect for the installation. It also promotes good order and discipline.

Each branch of service has slightly different expectations and dress codes.

Things that might pass muster on an Air Force base will not fly at a Marine Corps installation.

Clothing guidelines are often building or activity specific. The outfit that you wore to the gym is likely not going to be acceptable at the commissary, PX, post office, hospital, library, consolidated club or anywhere else on base. Generally, gym clothes or workout gear is limited to the fitness center. While there is more latitude at the gym in terms of attire, most dress codes require that outfits remain modest without revealing undergarments.

Base to Base Differences

Just like each service might have slightly different dress code expectations, each individual duty station interprets the rules too. While the general dress code is the same service-wide, some bases are more strict and others more relaxed.

Military bases that are on the West Coast and in Hawaii are notoriously more relaxed. Flip flops and athleisure wear are more standard there and seem to be allowed without comment at installation buildings. Some overseas locations, like Okinawa, also seem to follow a more relaxed dress code.

However, the closer you get to the service headquarters and to Washington, D.C., the more strictly the dress code is enforced. Things that were allowed in southern California might not be considered acceptable in northern Virginia.

As you are PCSing, connect with a local spouses’ Facebook group and ask about dress code enforcement. You’ll want to know in advance whether your leather flip flops could cause a scene.

General Guidelines

Across all services and installations, there are some general rules to follow.

Ripped, torn or otherwise overly distressed clothing is not considered acceptable. Those distressed jeans might be OK, but clothing that has clearly been through the wringer should be left at home.

Hats and ball caps need to be removed inside all buildings. This includes other hat-like head coverings too. The exception would be items worn for religious reasons. However, this rule seems to be relaxing at many locations.

Revealing items, for men and women, are a faux pas at military installations. For women, this includes clothing that shows too much cleavage, skinny tank top straps, midriff-baring tops and short skirts or shorts. Men should avoid overly baggy pants that reveal underwear and must wear a shirt. Most military installations also have language in the dress code, for men, about properly fitting shirts.

Bathing suits and swimwear should be covered when not at the actual beach or pool. This includes using the beach-side stores and restaurants. Remember to bring a cover-up or a change of clothing with you.

Athleisure wear is becoming the norm for many, but it is still considered unacceptable attire on military installations. There may be wiggle room depending on your location or the specific outfit.

Flip flops and sandals could violate the dress code, based on the specific installation’s interpretation of the rules. Generally, shoes with a back strap or closed toe are considered appropriate.

If You’re Asked to Leave

First, don’t make a scene. This will only draw more attention to you and could escalate the situation. Instead, calmly ask to speak privately with the store manager or another person in authority.

Next, when you are in a quiet spot, ask for a brief explanation of why you are being asked to leave. If their explanation makes sense, based on the dress code, it is better to comply. You could let the store manager know that you are new to the base or the military in general. Including an apology along with your explanation could help soften things. They might be willing to let it slide today, with a reminder for future visits.

On your next visit, remember to follow the rules more carefully.

Read “Decoding the Commissary Dress Code” to understand the dress code at your commissary.

Please Don’t Ask Me That!

By

Without fail, at social gatherings or online, it will happen. Someone will ask a question and my face will kind of freeze into an awkward mask. It’s somewhere between a cringe, a fake smile and an eye roll.

I don’t mean to do that. It’s just, well, some questions are awkward and strange.

Please Don’t Ask Me That: The Strangest Questions I’ve Been Asked As a Military Spouse

(Full disclosure: I haven’t personally been asked all of these questions, but I’ve had friends who have been or have heard the rumors about certain questions in my decade as a military spouse.)

Can you make sure your next move will take you to (location near family)?

If we actually got to pick where we moved, I would be picking Hawaii or San Diego. Maybe somewhere in Europe or a tropical island, like Jamaica.

Unfortunately, we just get told where to go. Even when submitting a “wishlist” of next duty stations is possible, the chances of getting your top choice is laughable.

Will you be going to visit your spouse in (location near the front lines)?

I’ve heard that Afghanistan has some lovely hiking in the Hindu Kush. I, unfortunately, do not plan on visiting my combat deployed spouse while he is there. He’s mentioned something about rocket strikes and horrendous dust storms during the 5 static-filled minutes we talked via satellite phone 2 months ago.

(Spouse) is coming home soon! Will you be moving home?

I’m not sure you understand how this life works. It’s a job and we live where the job is. There is not a job in (hometown) for my spouse. So we’ll be staying at our current location until the military sends us somewhere else.

I’ve watched “Army Wives.” When are you going to become friends with the general’s wife?

Any question that tries to relate my military spouse life to the fun, but fictional, romp that is “Army Wives” will get extra eye rolls from me.

No, unless my spouse rises in the ranks to that level, Claudia Joy will never be my BFF. Instead, I’ll be socializing mainly with families in a similar status or rank to my own spouse. If I am invited to a social event with the higher-ups, it will be a more formal occasion. Pleasantries will be exchanged, but I probably won’t become besties with a general’s wife.

Please Don't Ask Me That: The Strangest Questions I've Been Asked As a Military Spouse

What’s the craziest thing that you’ve been asked as a military spouse or service member?

Why can’t I post the specific homecoming date and location or share exactly when and where my spouse will be deployed?

Let me explain it to you in 5 little letters: OPSEC. Operational Security. A handy way to remind yourself of this is “loose lips sink ships.” There are individuals online constantly looking for information about forward-deployed troops.

Posting information online or oversharing in any situation can cause these individuals to target units or locations for attacks. Sharing specific homecoming information can also invite these trolls to interrupt the safe return of troops.

Your best bet? If it doesn’t come from the public affairs officer or shop, don’t post it or share it.

I want to visit my spouse at their unaccompanied OCONUS duty station. Won’t the military pay for me to go there?

No. They won’t. Your spouse or significant other is unaccompanied and has a job to do overseas. They might get some time to head home mid-tour, but otherwise will be mainly at their OCONUS location.

If you want to visit, you’ll need to do it on your own dime. Or learn how to work the Space-A system.

My spouse is late coming home from work. Who should I call?

No one. Call no one. Calling the duty desk or his shop or his senior NCO or reporting officer is not a good idea. Instead, of just being late tonight, your spouse will be late every night for the foreseeable future. And they’ll enjoy endless teasing from everyone else in their shop forever.

Instead, proceed as usual at home and maybe set aside some dinner for reheating later.

You had a baby in Japan! Does he have dual citizenship?

OK, first: that would be super cool! Second: my baby is fully an American without any extra citizenships. The overseas bases have special privileges, which include making any children born there immediate American citizens.

Unfortunately, having a baby OCONUS does mean that registering the birth is a super long and pricier process than in the States.

He’s home (or leaving soon). Planning to get knocked up?

I mean, maybe? Anyone who has tried to conceive kind of knows that it is a crapshoot, at best. Honestly, my desire to have a baby and when and how is really none of  your business.

Your life seems so exciting! Can you give me your best tips so I can marry into the military too?

After I give you some fierce side-eye, I’ll calmly explain that this life was never my first plan. I fell in love with a guy who happened to be in the military. The end. I didn’t chase him down because of his dress blues or go out hunting for a dude with dog tags.

While there are awesome parts to military life, a lot of this is really hard. It’s not all fancy birthday balls and happy homecomings. This life is messy and hard and emotional and stressful.

But good luck with that!

What’s the craziest thing that you’ve been asked as a military spouse or service member? Post your funniest stories in the comments!

The Myth of the Perfect Military Spouse

By

It was one of those days.

You know, the days when nothing seemed to go right? My oldest had dumped a gigantic bag of beads in the middle of the living room floor for the second time that day. My youngest was way past nap time. I was dressed in my usual jeans and seen-better-days T-shirt, my hair was a mess, and I had less than 30 minutes until my husband was due to walk in the door.

My plan to be dressed, pressed, and waiting to sit down to a delicious home-cooked meal had gone out the door hours ago.

And it wasn’t the first time my list of to-dos or taking care of my children had eaten up my entire day.

I so wanted to be that military spouse who had the house cleaned and dinner neatly prepared when my soldier walked through the door.

The same daydream had me perfectly coiffed and dressed to impress. And every time I didn’t hit that goal of “perfect” spouse, I felt like a failure.

The Myth of the Perfect Military Spouse

If I couldn’t do it all when he was able to come home every night, what did that say about my abilities when he was deployed?

After all, he was doing all the hard work, putting on the uniform and training to be of service to our country. He needed a spouse capable of taking care of everything at home. If I couldn’t do it all when he was able to come home every night, what did that say about my abilities when he was deployed?

After a particularly stressful afternoon that had all of my kids recovering from temper tantrums and me in tears, a close friend stopped by for coffee. She was everything I wanted to be. She always looked great. Her house was always immaculate. And I’d never seen her stress about anything.

After confessing my feelings of inadequacy, she changed my entire world with just one sentence.

There is no such thing as a perfect military spouse.

What? How could that be? There were those, just like her, who always had it together. The spouse next door who always had his kids ready and at the bus stop on time. The commander’s wife who always made hosting company events look easy.

She repeated herself.

There’s no such thing as a perfect military spouse.

The look on my face must have confessed my disbelief. Over the next few minutes she confessed to a few cracks in what I thought was her perfect façade. I felt a little better, but I still wasn’t wholly convinced.

I begged her to share her secrets with me. How did she make it all look so easy? She just laughed and challenged me to change my way of thinking.

“So what if your house isn’t perfect? So what if macaroni and cheese is the best dinner you can muster? Those things are not required to make you worthy of love and respect. We each have our strengths. Be your best you and that’s good enough.”

I sat quietly and tried to take those words in. Was it possible to be the best me without being perfect? Could I be the strong, capable military spouse my soldier needed and not be good at everything?

The answer is yes.

My belief in that idea didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of work and introspection. It took time to learn to quiet that inner voice that told me I was a failure and give the stage to the part of me that got up every day and did my best.

I am incredibly thankful I had a friend to intervene and set me straight.

And I hope, should you ever find yourself in a similar mindset that you remember:

There is no such thing as a perfect military spouse.

No matter who you are, where you are from or what you are struggling with, you are worthy of love and respect.

Even if it means that the dusting or vacuuming should have been done yesterday.

Even if it means that PB&J is what’s on the menu tonight.

Live every day with the intent to be the best possible you that you can.  The best you is more than good enough.

Are you trying to be the perfect military spouse?

How I Find the Fun in Mandatory Fun

By

There are so many wonderful aspects of military life, but for some mandatory fun is not one of them.

Mandatory fun or required attendance at military social events is not always fun.

Some events are a bit stuffy and too formal. Some are too crowded and impersonal. Others are family oriented or for adults only. They don’t always fit in with your schedule and logistics can be difficult. Still, you are required to attend and so you do.

These mandatory fun events can actually be fun.

It’s all in how you perceive it. If you go in with the mindset that you won’t enjoy it, then you likely won’t have a good time.

Next time you have mandatory fun scheduled, try to have fun. Look for the positive in what otherwise could be a time where you are negative.

Formal military events, for example, are not my favorite.

A military ball is definitely mandatory fun in my book. I don’t like all the preparation it takes. Service members have it so easy; all they have to do is put on their uniform.

I, on the other hand, have to go dress shopping because of course you can’t wear the same formal gown to multiple events. Then you have to find shoes and a handbag to go with the dress. Shopping takes all day.

Add kids into the mix and you either have to drag them along shopping or get someone to watch them. On the day of the formal event it takes ages to get ready.

How I Find the Fun in Mandatory Fun

Mandatory military social events can be stressful, boring and time consuming. But try to find the positive in every event that you are required to attend with your service member. It may help make mandatory fun more fun for you.

Once at this mandatory fun, you mingle with people you don’t know. You listen to the service members talk about work using all sorts of acronyms. How are there so many acronyms in the military? I have no idea or at least a minimal idea of what they are talking about. It is always shop talk.

Though preparing for this mandatory fun is no fun at all, the events usually are. I get to talk to military spouses that I otherwise might not see. I  meet some people my husband works with and put a face to names I’ve only heard.

If nothing else, there’s usually wine.

Military family events can be time consuming.

You might have had other plans for the weekend but had to cancel them because this was a mandatory fun event. If your children are in sports, scouts or other organized groups, you might be driving between events. It can be a hectic day. Children will likely get overstimulated and over tired. There might be a meltdown or two as well.

Family events are more mandatory fun for my husband then for me though. He doesn’t like giving up his free time to see people that he works with all week long. I understand that.

For me however, this is fun. I don’t get to see those people or their families as much. These types of events can be stressful with logistics and behavior, but they can also be fun. I love to see my babies dressed up with the theme of the event. I like to bake so potluck events are great.

Sure we’ll be very tired at the end of the day, but it’s worth it.

Mandatory fun can be fun if you look at the bright side of it.

Holiday parties are another instance of mandatory fun that really can be fun. The bright side for me is that I get to see the look on my son’s face when he meets Santa or the Easter Bunny.

That’s priceless.

I get overwhelmed when there are a ton of children running around and our son follows in, but these events are few and far between so I can handle it as long as there’s a coffee in my hand.

How do you find the fun in mandatory fun events?

What is PCS Remorse and How to Get Over It

By

As summer draws to an end, most of us who followed a set of PCS orders to a new duty station have arrived, found a place to live and unpacked our household goods.

The whirlwind rush of cross-country or transcontinental travel has dissipated. You’ve identified the best route to the commissary, clinic and a decent take-out place. And now that the shock and excitement of all things new has begun to wear off, the reality of our current situation begins to set in.

Maybe your new on-base housing is sub-par to your previous location.

Maybe the weather is always cold or gray and rainy.

Maybe the neighbors are standoffish and the only options for extracurricular activities for the kids is the one thing they aren’t interested in.

And to top it all off, the friends you left behind keep posting updates from your favorite old hang-outs. Or worse yet, maybe your milspouse bestie has PCSed to some tropical wonderland and her Instagram account is overflowing with pictures of sunsets, beaches and fruity umbrella drinks.

Suddenly, everywhere you look things are wrong and you’d give anything to pack everything back up and go somewhere, anywhere else.

There’s no doubt, you’ve got it.

You’ve got PCS remorse and you’ve got it bad.

Chin up chickadee. While your apprehension and dissatisfaction with a less-than-stellar duty station is normal, you can overcome that negative outlook. All it takes is a little adjustment in perspective.

What is PCS Remorse and How to Get Over It

Have you ever found yourself hating your duty station?

Look for Something Good to Focus on

No matter how bad something is, there is always a silver lining. And if that little voice in your head tells you things are bad, it can color how you see everything around you. Even the good.

Make a point to find something good, something you like about your new location.. Even if it’s just the fact that the water pressure in the shower is out of this world, seeing one good thing can be a stepping stone to others.

Remember that Social Media isn’t Always the Whole Truth

Yes, those amazing tropical sunsets are enviable, but try to keep in mind that most people only tend to share the best and most positive aspects of their lives. So while the beach is pretty, the horrendous traffic, dinosaur-sized mosquitoes, and $8 gallon of milk offer balance for all of that dreamy scenery.

Get Mad, Get Sad and Then Get Over It

Change is hard, especially when it’s abrupt or doesn’t live up to expectations.

It’s OK to get mad or to be a little blue. Those are normal and natural emotions that must be expressed in order to be resolved. Give yourself some time to grief and adjust, but then focus on making the most of what you’ve got.

While things might not be great, they can almost always be worse. Decide to change your perspective and then work to make it happen.

Sometimes finding things to look forward to can help. Maybe it’s taking a long bath every Friday night. Maybe it’s pizza for dinner on Sundays or a nightly jog up to a pretty vantage point. Whatever it is, let yourself enjoy it.

Forget everything else and live in that moment. Joy can brighten your outlook and help to make everything else look a little less glum.

Make a Plan for Distraction

If simply going about your daily routine isn’t enough to shake off those negative feelings, make deliberate plans to engage in an activity that will distract you.

A new exercise routine, planting a garden, taking up a new hobby, volunteering or even going back to school can help you find something to devote your energy to. Focus your energy on learning and growing despite your surroundings. You’ll be amazed at how much it helps to make even the bleakest of days look better.

Have you ever found yourself hating your duty station? What did you do to get through that challenging time?

Are You an Introvert and a Military Spouse? You’re Not Alone

By

Yet another mandatory family fun day and you’re feeling like it will be anything but fun. All those people that you just don’t know, loud music and friendly banter.

It sounds like a recipe for a terrible day for an introvert.

This is also the stereotypical picture of what it means to be a military spouse. Given how much we move, it can often seem like the best, and often only, way to make friends is to join in these large, loud events. Or to just show up with baked goods whenever a new neighbor moves in.

Are You an Introvert and a Military Spouse?

When you are an introvert, the social events and FRG meetings of military life may seem overwhelming.

Here are ways to find friends and socialize when you’re a military spouse who’s an introvert.

Find Your Peeps Online

Military spouse networks are popping up like daisies online! From blogs to Facebook to Instagram, there are so many fun people and groups to join or follow.

First, check out your base-specific Facebook groups. Sometimes these are secret or closed, and you may need to be approved by an admin. However, these groups can help you to navigate your duty station or to make new friends. From school and restaurant recommendations to the dish on what all those sirens were, base groups will give you all the information.

Next, check out blogs and pages that are service specific. For new spouses, you can learn a lot about traditions and customs. “Seasoned” spouses can share knowledge and help others. Everyone can get info on different duty stations or events, and even job opportunities!

Beyond branch of service and duty stations, there are Facebook groups for professional military spouses, spouses who blog, spouses who are attorneys and spouses who (fill in the blank). There are also tons of blogs covering all aspects of military life, from helping parents with K-12 education to parenting to everyday military life. Check it out!

Connect Offline Too

Once you join a few online groups, try to keep track of other people that have similar interests or that you have interacted with. You could both be commenting on the same posts, asking the same questions or live in the same neighborhood.

Send a private message to someone that you think might be a good friend for you. Chat online until you (or your friend) feel comfortable bringing up meeting in real life. Get together for coffee or go do something that both of you enjoy. It could be anything from cosplay to riding horses to sitting on the beach.

Use Friends to Make Friends

Once you have a core group of friends at your current duty station, try to find new friends through them. It’s a small world in the military. Chances are good that your friends will know at least one person at your next hometown. When you get orders, ask your IRL or online friends to help you make connections.

Or your friends might be able to expand your friendship circle where you already live. Take a chance and invite a friend of a friend to join you for coffee or drinks.

If you have kids, you can even use them to make new connections. Reach out to the parents of a good friend of your own child and schedule a play date or playground meet-up. A play date will have a specific end time, and you can get to know the other parent(s) over coffee at home.

Playgrounds are neutral territory and you can make an easy exit if things aren’t going well.

Alternately, you could keep the fun going or schedule another get together easily.

Check Out Specialty Groups

What do you like? Check online and on base for like-minded groups. There are groups for runners, bloggers, people of all religious faiths, book clubs and the list goes on.

You could connect online at first and then check out a group meet-up later.

Getting to know other people who share your interests can help you to connect with the military and civilian population. Plus, there will likely be similar groups at many bases. When you move, reach out to the local chapter of your group. You’ll be able to make friends more quickly and easily!

Socialize on Your Terms

Sometimes typical military spouse tasks are unavoidable, but you can make them your own. Try to volunteer or participate on your terms.

Offer to help with the children’s corner, organize donated items or bring items for a potluck. You’ll be helping out the unit and meeting new people, just in smaller doses. You never know if you might bond over sharing apple pie recipes or figuring out the best way to get care packages to deployed troops for the holidays!

Take a Break

Being an introvert, you value your alone time. Honor your needs and take a break when you need one. You could duck outside at a party or take a walk during a family fun day. Plus, it is not unusual at all for people to use their smartphones, so don’t hesitate to escape into Facebook for a little while.

If you simply don’t want to take on a task or attend an event, decline graciously or suggest an alternative. You shouldn’t be afraid to say no!

No matter how you choose to make friends, having a strong support network can be key to making the most of military life!

Are you an introvert? How do you find friends as a military spouse?

5 ‘In Uniform’ Rules All Military Spouses Should Know

By

Abiding by regulations that govern the wear and care of a military uniform are a staple of any military service member’s daily routine. As military spouses, it’s common for us to get pulled into the fray, whether it’s picking up a freshly pressed dress uniform, running a pair of cammies to the tailor for a new name tape or helping to locate a missing cover.

And while we may be able to eyeball placement of ribbons or help research the regulations, it is easy to forget that there are rules our spouses must abide by while in uniform, even if we are with them.

5 'In Uniform' Rules All Military Spouses Should Know

Did you know that service members are forbidden from eating, drinking or smoking while in walking in uniform? Photo Credit: Lauren Nygard Photography

So for those of you who are new to this regulation-driven life or as a reminder to those of us who have been around for a while, here are the 5 key “in uniform” rules to remember:

Right Hand Free

To ensure a salute can be rendered when appropriate, service members generally try to keep their right hand free at all times.

As such, carrying things like umbrellas and bags have special rules. The rules for each service differ slightly, but there are provisions for the use of umbrellas while in dress or mess uniforms. The umbrella must be all black and feature no label or branding.

The same is true for bags and backpacks – all black and feature no significant or distinctive branding and there are varying rules about size and how the bag must be carried.

Military exchanges often carry items that meet regulation requirements for these items.

PDA

As much as seeing our service member in uniform might light a particular romantic fire, public displays of affection while in uniform are not allowed.

There are, of course, exceptions (aren’t there always?) for going-away and homecoming events. Weddings are another exception.

Hand-holding, hugging and kissing are generally not allowed while in uniform.

Does that mean you shouldn’t kiss your spouse goodbye if they are leaving the house and in uniform? No, but don’t let the moment evolve into a make-out session on the front porch.

Remember that while in uniform, service members are expected to maintain military decorum and bearing. It’s one of the hardest rules not to break, but an important one to remember.

While Walking You May Not…

Service members are also forbidden from eating, drinking, smoking, or wearing headphones or ear buds while walking while in uniform. As you might imagine, it would be pretty hard to render a salute and offer a respectful greeting while stuffing your face.

There are also safety considerations behind these regulations. Rules vary slightly by service, but if you want to meet up for lunch, make sure you find a place to sit and eat.

Most military installations have designated smoking areas and service members may be permitted to wear earbuds/headphones while in the PT uniform, but make sure you check your service regulations and any further guidance issued by your installation.

What About the Kids?

Care of children while in uniform enters into a bit of a gray area as far as military regulations are concerned.

For example, there are no regulations for any service that govern whether or not breastfeeding is allowed while in uniform. However, many argue that it is against regulations for blouses to be unbuttoned or undershirts to be untucked, thereby making it impossible to breastfeed without being out of regs.

However, many services and installations offer private rooms that mothers may use for breastfeeding or pumping. When in doubt, check with unit leadership and plan appropriately.

Baby slings or diaper bags are not authorized for use while in uniform and an argument can be made that carrying a child constitutes a PDA. Again, check for specific guidance issued by your particular service and try to err on the side of caution. A baby sling might not be authorized, but a stroller or baby carrier could be used instead.

Can I borrow…?

It’s hard not to want to borrow parts and pieces of the military uniform as a way to feel closer to a spouse or demonstrate your commitment and pride in their service.

However, unauthorized wear of an official uniform is against the rules. This includes patches, unit insignias, ribbons, rank, covers and PT uniforms.

It may even include uniforms that are no longer considered official. And it includes uniforms as Halloween costumes too.

There are plenty of non-uniform options that can still proclaim your pride. I won’t say I’ve never donned one of my husband’s old PT shirts while he’s been away on a deployment, but if you are going to do it, refrain from taking pictures and don’t wear it out of the house.

Did we miss any other “in uniform” rules that military spouses need to know? Let us know in the comments section.

Why I Think Military Wives Are More Likely to Binge Drink

By

Almost every military spouse I know indulges in wine, beer or liquor. Sometimes all 3. And we drink on the regular.

So the study from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) isn’t really a shock. SAMHSA found military wives are more likely to use and abuse alcohol than civilians. We’re only talking about wives because there were not a significant number of males who responded to the study.

The study found that 67.8% of responding military wives, ages 18-49, had used alcohol within a 30-day window. Among same age civilian women, 53.8% reported using alcohol. Military wives also tend to binge drink at higher rates than civilians, 31.5% compared to 22.7%.

The same study found that rates for illegal drug use were about the same for military wives and civilians, 12.8% compared to 12.9%. Military wives are less likely than civilians to use marijuana, 5.1% of military wives versus 8% of civilians.

The rates of drinking and drug use aren’t super surprising.

Our troops can’t use illegal drugs or even medical marijuana without risking their careers. Having a spouse that uses is not going to be looked on favorably. Especially since it’s been drilled into us that “our behavior reflects on our service member.” That’s for better or worse taken very seriously!

Drinking is an outlet for many service members and their spouses. It’s a way that we can unwind and escape reality for a little while. It’s almost taken for granted that booze is going to be consumed at military social gatherings. I don’t mean a six-pack either. We’re talking a keg.

For those who ARE taken back by these statistics, keep some things in mind.

We have been at war since 2001. That’s 15 straight years of combat deployments, extended overseas tours and knocks on the door. Put yourself in our collective shoes and try it on for size. Just for a day or a week.

You’re home, alone or with your children, and your spouse is a world away. You know he’s taking fire and if he’s not then someone else is engaged in battle. There is very little contact and every day brings news that another service member has been KIA. That next knock on the door could be at your house. Or your best friend’s house. Or someone in your neighborhood. It could be anyone and it’s going to be someone.

This is the reality that many military wives have been living for a decade and a half. We’ve been doing this back-to-back-to-back. And moving all over the globe, far from our own families and homes. Can I pour you a drink?

The operational tempo has impacted our mental health.

About 10% more military wives (29.1%) report mental health concerns than civilians (19.7%). No, there is no “official” correlation (yet) from the scientists who study these things. This is what I know.

It’s what I understand after moving 4 times in 8 years.

It’s how I felt during and after his year-long combat deployment.

What I know from having 2 children without my mother to lean on.

It’s what saying goodbye to countless friends does to a person.

It’s the experience of working so hard for a career or an education, just to have it yanked away because your husband got new orders or is deploying again.

Military life is not for the faint of heart and even the strongest of us can bend and break under the constant pressure.

It’s so easy to slip into a pattern of having a glass of wine at night, just to unwind or destress or relax. After a day of barely holding it together, it feels nice to have the world get a little fuzzy and rosé colored.

We are tightly wound.

So when we DO get the chance to let our hair down, it’s going to be epic. That means bar hopping, shots or even just one glass of wine too many. Our spouses are under a lot of pressure too. Plus, many units and bases have a culture of drinking, hard.

There are so many events that make drinking easier or even seemingly “required.” Birthday balls, homecomings, hail and farewell ceremonies, retirements, promotions and even just a neighborhood barbecue are all great excuses to drink. After all, it’s a party, right?

Alcohol is one of the leading ways that people self-medicate to deal with depression, anxiety or countless other mental health conditions.

So, a good time brings an excuse to let loose and to hide the way many military wives truly feel. For many of us, that good time comes with every girls night out, dinner with friends or Tuesday afternoon playdate.

We are young adults.

The SAMHSA study found that there were more military wives in the 18-25 age group than among most married women, ages 18-49. When many of our peers are off at college, we’re holding down on the homefront and managing a household. Having both done full-time college and run a household at a very young age, I can tell you that being an adult is harder than taking most college classes. There is no appealing the grade when you overdraw your checking account and can’t pay the electricity bill.

For many of us in the 18-25 age range, this is our first time away from home and cohabitating with another adult. We are young, immature in every sense of the word and still figuring it out. When you add in the other factors of stress, deployment and moving away from a support system, it’s no wonder that many young military wives drink.

Actually, college students drink heavily, too. And they are in that same 18-25 age bracket. Maybe the drinking isn’t quite so “shocking” when it’s framed that way instead.

Here’s take-away: military spouses drink and have mental health concerns, but we don’t do drugs.

It’s your turn: why do you think military wives are more likely to drink than their civilian counterparts?