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5 Things to Consider When Making Your Duty Station Wish List

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How many times have you had to make your duty station wish list? I’d say for us that it’s too many to count, but I did count. This is my 17th house. How did that happen and where did the time go?

5 Things to Consider When Making Your Duty Station Wish List

PCS orders are always a gamble or perhaps it’s luck of the draw.

Our time at this house has just come to an end as well. I’ve always been up for adventure and loved moving. We’ve been here for three years now and I keep thinking it has to be time to go. I haven’t lived anywhere this long since I was a kid.

Whether it’s your first time making a duty station wish list or your twentieth, talking about the different options is sure to have you on the edge of your seat. You can request a specific location but don’t get your heart set on it.

It’s always a gamble or perhaps it’s luck of the draw.

Even if you are told you have PCS orders to one location, it can always change.

We just made our wish list and for a brief moment we had verbal orders to our first choice. Then my husband got promoted. That’s fantastic of course, but we lost our PCS orders. There wasn’t an opening at that location for his new rank. We got our second choice. Technically we still have verbal orders so until I see it in print, I’m not signing on the dotted line for a new home.

Have you made a duty station wish list and gotten your first pick?

Making a wish list is not universal across the branches.

For the most part though, you provide a list of your top three choices for your next duty station and a detailer tries to match what’s available. Some people merely fill out a paper, while others “have an in” with the detailer. They have been known to work a bit of magic to get desirable orders. Not everyone gets that chance though. Sometimes service members are given their choices and told to pick. The higher the rank, the fewer choices there are for the most part. That can be good.

I have mixed feelings about our choice. Part of me wants to go on another adventure, but then I also love that this location has so much to offer for families. As we have grown older and had children, our priorities have changed and what we look for when making our wish list has too. What things do you consider when making your wish list?

Here are five things to consider when making your duty station wish list:

Do you want to go somewhere new or are you trying to get back to a place you’ve already been? What was it about the previous duty station that makes you want to go back or what is it about the new place that makes you want to move there?

What is the work schedule like for your spouse? Will you see more of them in one location or will they be traveling more? A few of my friends moved overseas, which is exciting, but their spouses are constantly flying back to the United States for training.

For my family, at this duty station my husband works over an hour away but deploys every six months for six months. We don’t see much of him here and that’s why we live near the city instead of in the middle of nowhere where the military base is.

Is your job transferable? If you work, will you be able to transfer with the company? Consider certifications that might need to be renewed in certain locations as well. Are there job opportunities otherwise or will you not work?

What is family life like in that area? If you have children, what are the schools like? Are there many activities for families? Will the weather be agreeable for getting out of the house to play and sightsee?

Will there be family support? This could be from the family readiness group or family support office. Will there be base events or are there enlisted or officers spouses clubs? Consider groups out in town as well.

Making friends and having a support group is key to enjoying your duty station.

There are many things to consider when making your duty station wish list. No matter where you’re sent, it’s up to you to make the most of it. If you go with a positive outlook, make friends, learn about the area and get to know the place, you will be more likely to have a great experience.

Make your duty station wish list, but be open to a new adventure. Hopefully you’ll get your first pick, but if you don’t, that’s ok too.

How do you decide where to take PCS orders? What’s on your duty station wish list?

4 Problems Military Children Face That Are Rarely Talked About

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Shining eyes and happy smiles. This is how the public often sees military children. These joyful homecoming images are broadcast on the news, shared on social media and printed in newspapers and magazines.

While everything seems wonderful and picture-perfect, many military children face hidden struggles behind the scenes.

4 Problems Military Children Face That Aren’t Talked About

Anxiety and Separation Fears

Over the last 15 years, deployment and operational tempos have been high. This means that for many military children, mom, dad or both parents have been frequently away from home.

Forward deployed troops have been in active combat zones, taking fire. Even at home, accidents happen during TDY, TAD or routine training exercises.

All of these separations and “what if” situations take a heavy toll on military children. Often these stressors can show up in behavioral, emotional and academic changes.

4 Problems Military Children Face That Are Rarely Talked About

While everything seems wonderful and picture-perfect, many military children face personal struggles.

Children might act out at school, home or both. They could show unusual aggression or attention-seeking behaviors. Some children withdraw or become distant from friends, teachers and family members. Still other children become noticeably upset when their parent leaves, even for short periods, or when there are unexpected changes, like a substitute teacher at school. Grades might decline too.

All of these reactions are common and can coexist.

Solutions:

If you or a teacher notices a significant difference in your child’s emotions, behaviors or academic performance, take notice. Acting sooner rather than later can make all the difference.

A great first step is to reach out to the Military Family Life Counselor on your base or the school’s counselor. Set up a meeting to share your concerns with them and give permission for them to engage with your child. After speaking with your child, they might be able to offer options for ongoing solutions or care.

Another great step is to connect with Military One Source. They offer free, confidential help on the phone and through referrals to providers near you. You might be able to access mental health care and solutions quickly with this resource.

Next, reach out to your child’s school and teachers. Explain your concerns and ask to develop a plan together to help address the changes in your child.

It’s important to approach this as a team, with mental health providers, school and home working together to help your child get back on track.

Gaps in Learning

On average, military children move 6 to 9 times during their K-12 school years. Every time a military family moves, they must adjust to a new set of state learning standards and expectations. Even if a child is able to stay within the DoDEA system, there might still be small gaps in knowledge.

With each move, military children miss several weeks of class time. All that absent time can add up, with missing information about fractions here or confusion about phonics there.

Solutions:

Working with a tutor, either in person or online, is a great way for military families to help close those academic gaps. Tutor.com offers free online tutoring for military families.

Additionally, many military spouses are credentialed teachers. Often these education professionals offer reasonably priced tutoring and have a good understanding of what military children need.

School Transferring Issues

For students in high school, a PCS can spell disaster for their academic ranking, graduation timeline or transcript. Too often there is confusion about which courses are required at different schools or how GPAs are calculated. While schools are supposed to make good faith efforts to ensure on-time graduation, there can still be issues.

Students who have IEPs and 504 Plan, as well as those qualified for Gifted and Talented Education, also face issues when they PCS.

There are no federal protections and only limited state guidelines for students identified as Gifted and Talented. This means that a student could qualify in School A, but be dropped from the program in School B.

IEPs and 504 Plans are federally protected education plans that must be followed with fidelity. Even during a PCS, plans are supposed to be followed as closely as possible. However, different states have varying qualification and classification standards, as well as different resources available. IEPs and 504 Plans can look very different school to school, and state to state.

Plus, for all of these different education plans, the school has the right to re-evaluate students to determine eligibility.

Solutions:

Before you move, connect with your next school and coordinate transferring documents from the old school. Let the new school know about any special circumstances or educational needs your child might have.

As you’re transferring, connect with the School Liaison Officer (SLO) at your next base. They can often assist with transferring everything that your child needs. They should be able to assist you with using MIC3, an agreement designed to assist military children moving between states.

If you get stuck or have concerns, you might need more help than the SLO can provide or that you can’t navigate solo. At that point, it’s time to consider hiring a professional education advocate. There are several advocates in our community that specialize in assisting military families and/or work remotely.

Caring for Injured Parents

All too often, parents return from deployment with physical or mental injuries. These injuries might be very visible or they could be hidden and undiagnosed. Either way, military children are involved in the daily care of that parent and must cope with life changes.

There are many changes to family dynamics and behaviors when a parent returns with hidden or visible injuries. Too often children are shouldering a larger share of adult responsibility at home.

The stressors are similar to experiencing anxiety or stress due to deployments or separations. The symptoms of a child who is overwhelmed with coping with life changes due to their parent’s injuries might be the same as well.

Solutions:

If your family is experiencing changes due to your service member’s injury, it’s important to reach out for help. The Elizabeth Dole Foundation offers resources and connections to help caregivers and families of wounded warriors.

Asking for assistance from other families members, friends or the community is important. It may feel hard, but building a strong team is important for everyone’s long-term success and well being.

Finally, beginning individual and family counseling can be beneficial. You can find a provider through a referral from your doctor or through Military One Source’s resources.

What problems do you think military children face?

(Full disclosure: Meg Flanagan operates MilKids Ed, an education advocacy service and blog for military families.)

How to Talk with Your Military Kid’s Teacher About a Deployment

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During deployments and long separations, as parents, we take on a lot more responsibility and stress. The same is true for our kids.

Our worries for our spouse’s safety are shared by our children. They are also taking on more responsibility at home. Your children are missing their parent and learning to navigate a one-parent household. On top of all of that, they are going to school 5 days a week and working extremely hard.

These stressors cause different reactions. For children, they could experience increased anxiety or depression. Your child may begin acting out, exhibiting aggression and anger or even retreating from socializing with friends. Grades could take a dip or a dive. Or your child might become obsessed with making everything perfect, from grades to appearance to emotions.

Often our children’s teachers are the first to notice these changes in behavior and academic achievements.

That’s why it’s super important to keep your school and teachers in the loop as your family preps for deployment. However, deployments and even long TAD/TDY assignments come with risks and need-to-know information.

How to Talk to Your Military Kid's Teacher About a Deployment

Teachers can be your biggest ally during deployment.

How to Talk with Your Military Child’s Teacher About a Deployment Without Violating OPSEC/PERSEC

Be Honest

At least as honest as you can be. You should share the basics:

  • The general deployment window, but not a specific date. Say: “My spouse will be deploying within the next 2 months.”
  • The general deployment length. Say: “We expect she will be gone for 6 to 9 months.”
  • Your plans for pre-deployment. Say: “We will be taking a trip before my spouse leaves. My children will miss about a week of school. Please let me know how they can best make up the work they will miss.”
  • The general homecoming window, as it approaches. Say: “We expect that he will return in a month.”
  • More homecoming details, as they are released and cleared by your unit’s public affairs office. Say: “We think she might be home in March.”
  • Your plans for the period right after the homecoming. Say: “I will email you the day before our scheduled homecoming. I will be keeping our children home for a day or so to spend time as a family. Please let me know how they can complete any work they might miss.”

It’s super important that you not share exact locations, troop movements or departure/return dates. The fewer people who know these details, the better. Share what you must, when you must, in order to make sure your child’s teacher and school are on the same page.

Include Others as Needed

It’s also important to include administration and school counselors, psychologists or social workers. You can share even less information to these people. Generally, they will only get involved if there is a major issue or concern. Your child might see a school mental health counselor, psychologist or social worker if there is a deployment support group at their school.

If you need to share, you should:

  • Give the basics. Say: “My spouse is currently away on assignment for several months.”
  • Address the situation at hand. Say: “I wonder if my spouse’s absence might be one of the causes behind (concern). I would like to explore this further and find ways to support my child as a team.”

Request Discretion

When you share your family’s deployment with school faculty and staff, you also need to include a request for confidentiality. Even if your spouse is in a “safe” area, your family is still down a person and open to additional concerns at home. It’s very easy to let information slip out about troop movements, return dates, ship names and families that are missing an adult.

Ask your teacher, school administrators and mental health staff to keep all deployment information strictly confidential. Explain:

“My spouse will be away from home. This is need-to-know information that I am sharing with you so that we can work together to help my child through this challenging time.”

Occasionally, sharing information with other teachers can help your child’s teacher to find new solutions to challenges. Request:

“If you feel like asking another staff member for advice or solutions is necessary, I would ask that you let me know before you share information. If you can make such requests without sharing my child’s identity or other specific details, that would be great. If you do need to share personal information, I would like to be included in the email chain or be told what will be shared.”

Generally, help teachers and others to understand that what you are sharing is not for public discussion or knowledge. It is need-to-know only.

Teachers can be your biggest ally during deployment. Make sure to build your team beforehand. How do you include your teacher on your deployment success team? Share your tips in the comments.

Preparing Your Military Child to be the New Kid on Base

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As a military family you know that moving is a part of the deal. You may move every 3 to 4 years. This means your children will have to be the new kid every few years. With that comes a lot of emotions and could lead to some frustrating situations.

I did not grow up in a military family. I lived in the same house from the time I was 5 years old until I moved out at age 18. I went to elementary school, junior high and high school with a lot of the same people. I was never the new girl. I never knew what it was like to go into a new classroom not knowing anyone. I never had to search for friends in the third grade because I had just moved to that city from a different state.

Preparing Your Military Child to be the New Kid on the Base

If you are in a military family you might be worried about your children having to be the new kid every few years.

You might worry about them being bullied. You might ask yourself if being a military kid will make it more likely that they will be bullied? That can happen to a new kid who is just trying to figure out their place in the new school.

The fact is, bullying can happen anywhere. I saw and experienced it in my own non-military childhood. Bullying can happen on military bases all over the country. Wherever there are kids, bullying can be an issue. However, that doesn’t mean that as a military child your son or daughter has accept it.

Here are some things you can do with your child to help them overcome possible situations where they could be bullied.

It is a good idea to go over what is going to happen with the move before you actually get there. Tell your children about their new school and even the route to get there. Let them know that it’s OK to be nervous and that most people are when they go to a new school. Letting them know that it is normal to feel the way they do can go a long way in helping them have a lot of confidence on that first day. The less lost they feel the easier it will be for them to reach out to others and not feel so alone.

Teach them to seek out other children that look friendly and to not be afraid to say hi to a student that might become a new friend. Go over different ways they can talk to others and which questions they can ask to get to know someone. This will help them feel more comfortable when they are trying to find a new friend.

You also want to let them know what they can do if they are bullied. Explain who they should talk to if they experience bullying and where to go for help.

Even if your child is not the new kid it is a good idea to teach them how to treat others and how to be a friendly person to everyone you might meet. Explain to them that the new girl or boy in their class might become their best friend if they are open enough to really get to know them.

Preparing Your Military Child to be the New Kid on the Base

Moving is stressful and being worried about your child at a new school can be hard. Like a lot of other things in the military world, being prepared can go a long way in making your child feel comfortable.

Has your military child dealt with bullying at a new school? Tell us in the comments section.