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Military Life News, Commissary Rewards and Military Discounts

Do Military Wives Feel Threatened by Female Service Members?

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I recently read an open letter from a military spouse. In this open letter this military wife unleashes all of her emotions about how she feels about women who serve in the military, how she thinks female service members feel about military wives and how these two group treat each other.

She clearly feels threatened by female service members and blames men for making her feel that way.

Do Military Wives Feel Threatened by Female Service Members?

I do not feel threatened by female service members. I’m impressed by them.

That’s what her letter comes down to or that’s what I’ve taken away from the read.

Initially I didn’t want to read the entire article, which is not like me at all. The executive editor pleaded with the readers in her foreword to read all the way to the end though, so I did.

The beginning mostly sounds like the whiny rant of a young military spouse.

That’s why I didn’t want to read further, but I did and I thought about what she said.

I Don’t Feel Threatened by Anyone

I certainly don’t feel threatened by anyone. Why would I?

Apparently, there are military wives that do or this letter wouldn’t have been written. I have been part of military life my entire life. Both of my parents were in the Army and my husband is in the Navy.

My husband does not serve on a ship. He serves in a small community that’s different from fleet Navy. There are a small number of female service members in this field. I do not feel threatened by them.

I’m impressed by them. Being a service member is a really tough job. It’s especially hard for a female. I think it’s amazing that these women are physically able to do the things that are required by this job.

I Feel Like Fighting on Behalf of Female Service Members

It takes an emotionally strong woman to be in a male-dominated field.

I hear what some of the men say about the female service members.

They don’t think they belong in the military.

They think they aren’t good enough.

And no matter how hard they work they won’t cut it in their minds.

Unlike the author of that open letter who wants to soak up every bit of that kind of conversation, I feel like fighting on behalf of the female service member.

The Relationship Between Military Wives and Female Service Members Is Complicated

I mentioned this open letter to a few military wives that have husbands serving on ships. They completely agreed with the author of that letter.

They relayed tales of male service members being kicked off ships for sleeping with female service members, of people cheating on their spouses while at sea and how female service members are a distraction to the mission.

They feel threatened by their presence.

Likewise, female service members taunt military wives for being overweight, lazy and unambitious.

They feel that military wives use their spouses’ rank to get their way.

They feel that military wives make up things to get them off ships.

It’s a pretty rough relationship between military wives and female service members.

Some of these situations are based off real events, but not all military wives fit this description and not all female service members act this way.

I’ve heard of these stereotypes but have never faced these situations, nor did I know it was such a big problem. I’m sure there are plenty more military wives and female service members that have experience with this.

Are you a military wife who feels threatened by the female service members that your husband works with? Are you a female service member who isn’t respected by your co-workers’ spouses? Share your story in the comments section.

Advance Your Career by Earning Your Degree Online with Cal U

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This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of the California University of Pennsylvania. All opinions are 100% mine.

Veterans and military spouses know how to get things done. And oftentimes they get things done without the guidance of a supervisor.

But this internal drive to cross items off a to-do list or to accomplish personal goals is difficult to convey on a job application.

It’s hard to explain that even though you don’t have a college degree, you can definitely do that job. You know you can do it because you’re already doing these tasks in your current workplace. But you aren’t getting paid for them because you don’t have a college degree.

Frustrating, right?

The California University of Pennsylvania understands this frustration. That’s why they are working on ways to reduce this frustration by offering online degrees to veterans and military spouses.

Advance Your Career by Earning Your Degree Online with Cal U

Cal U offers veterans and military spouses a career-focused education with more than 100 undergraduate degrees, 50 professional and graduate programs and more than 75 fully online.

One of Cal U’s most popular online programs for veterans and military spouses is its master’s degree in exercise science and health promotion. The program provides a way for military spouses and veterans to turn their passion for a health lifestyle into a career.

Did you know that a master’s degree in exercise science and health promotion from the California University of Pennsylvania has a 98% placement rate?

Are you curious about Cal U’s exercise science and health promotion program? Here are the top three frequently asked questions about this 100% online program.

Should I quit my full-time job to earn my college degree?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: You shouldn’t have to choose between a paycheck and a college degree. But many within our military community do.

We’ve all seen the service member who decides to wait to start college until after he separates from the military. We’ve seen the military spouse who says she’ll go back to school once her children are grown and gone. We’ve seen the military spouse who needs that advanced degree to move into a management position, but she feels like she has to choose between school and work.

With the online program at Cal U, you can have both. You can work full-time during the day and be enrolled in college classes in the evening.

Cal U officials told us that many Cal U students take classes while on active duty. Cal U’s 100% online program provides a flexible higher education option for those who think they don’t have the time or the money to earn an advanced degree.

What happens to my enrollment at Cal U if we get PCS orders?

Short answer: Nothing.

Long answer: Cal U cares about you, not your ZIP code.

Cal U students are enrolled in online courses from all 50 states and from more than 20 countries.

As an online student, you will be fully engaged with your professors and peers through Cal U’s interactive approach to higher education. Cal U was the first college to launch a 100% online master’s degree in exercise science.

Another point to consider is that depending on when you start the exercise science program at Cal U, you may be able to complete it before you pack your bags for your next duty station.

Cal U’s master’s degree program, which includes professional certification recognized by the National Academy of Sports Medicine, can be completed in 12 to 18 months.

My military life is unpredictable. Will Cal U professors get that? 

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: You are among friends at Cal U. Nearly 200 veterans and military dependents are currently attending classes at Cal U’s campus in California, Pa. More than 500 are taking courses online.

The California University of Pennsylvania Office of Military and Veterans Affairs offers free comprehensive support for veterans, eligible dependents, service members of the National Guard and Reserve and active duty service members. They also help veterans maximize their GI Bill benefits with tuition discounts.

Pro-tip: Cal U is a MyCAA eligible university. Military spouses should check to see if they qualify for MyCAA before enrolling at Cal U.

The Cal U Global Online program provides discounted tuition costs for active duty members and veterans of all military branches, as well as their spouses and eligible dependents. You can find out more information about this program at its Cal U Global Online website.

U.S. News & World Report listed Cal U Global Online bachelor’s programs among the nation’s best for veterans in 2017.

Cal U is a member of the Servicemembers Opportunity College (SOC) consortium of schools, the National Association of Veterans Program Administrators and the Pennsylvania State System Veterans Advisory Network.

They are ready to offer veterans and military spouses the flexibility and support to earn a college degree. Connect with them today!

For more information about earning a degree in exercise science and health promotions with Cal U, click here.

Service Members No Longer Have Forever to Transfer the GI Bill

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It has been just under a year since the “Forever GI Bill” was signed into law, but many service members are discovering forever isn’t quite as long as they thought.

Beginning in 2019, a service member’s privilege to transfer their GI Bill to their dependents will be restricted and those who serve longer are being impacted by the restrictions.

One of the best benefits of serving our great country is the ability to receive the GI Bill which covers most, if not all, of a college degree. Another advantage is the ability to transfer this benefit to dependent children or spouses.

I have spent the summer visiting college campuses with my rising high school senior. Two things I have discovered: making life decisions at 17 years old is a lot of pressure and the cost of a four-year degree can run upwards to $40,000 and don’t get me started on residency requirements.

As a military family do we ever live someplace long enough to be considered a resident?

Service Members No Longer Have Forever to Transfer the GI Bill

Do you think this restriction will discourage service members from making longer commitments to their country in the future?

The GI Bill Restriction May Impact Your Plans for Paying for College

What does the new GI Bill restriction mean for your military family? To transfer the GI Bill to dependents, a service member must serve at least six years and commit to an additional four years.

The change restricts service members who have served 16 years or more from transferring their GI Bill. Luckily for my family, my husband transferred his GI Bill to our children about two weeks before the new restrictions were announced.

But it makes me wonder why the change? These restrictions apply only to career military which begs the question, will this restriction discourage service members from making longer commitments to their country in the future?

Related: Why You Should Consider Attending a Yellow Ribbon School

Some may argue the reason for the change is to encourage senior service members to use their GI Bill benefits to further their education and ensure a smooth transition into the civilian workforce. I would agree, having an education makes the transition easier, however, where does this leave service members who have earned a degree prior to or while in service? They don’t need the GI Bill and can’t transfer it to a dependent, which means the benefit would not be utilized.

The Tuition Assistance Program May Be a Better Option for Service Members

Service members can transfer their GI Bill to dependents and still earn a degree while on active duty. The Tuition Assistance Program is available to active duty members in all branches, which covers education expenses, leaving the GI Bill available to their dependents.

Tuition Assistance covers expenses for vocational/technical schools, undergrad degrees, graduate programs, independent study and distance learning programs. In order to use the TA Program, an enlisted service member must have enough time remaining in service to complete the course for which he or she has applied. After the completion of a course, an officer using TA must fulfill a service obligation that runs parallel with – not in addition to – any existing service obligation.

The TA Program will cover 100% of college expenses not to exceed $250 per semester credit hour or $166 per quarter credit hour. There is a $4,500 cap per government fiscal year which is October to September.

To access the TA program visit your local installation education center, go online to a virtual education center or click on the following links for each service branch:

Transfer Your GI Bill Before July 2019

The GI Bill restriction does not go into effect until July 19, 2019, so if you are approaching 16 years of service or more and want to transfer your GI Bill now is the time.

The good news is, if you complete the transfer now, you can make changes later. If you have additional children or want to change how the bill is divided among your dependents this can be done at a later date as long as the transfer takes place prior to July 2019.

If you are interested in transferring your GI Bill to your dependents log onto DMDC milConnect, find the “I want to” section and select “Transfer my education benefits.”

If you are not eligible for the GI Bill transfer or have already used the benefit there are additional scholarship options available to military dependents and yourself. Here is a list of more than 50 scholarships which are available to the military community.

Related: Military Spouses Unaware of MyCAA Scholarship Program

Also visit your local education center and veteran affairs office at your university of choice for additional scholarship resources and assistance.

What do you think about the new GI Bill restrictions? Will this change impact a service member’s decision to re-enlist?

Homeland Security’s Request for DoD to House Detained Immigrants Sparks Online Debate

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The possibility of detained immigrants living on military bases in the southwest has sparked wide and heated debate among the military community. The opinions range from military spouses offering to teach English to these temporary residents to ones suggesting that those entering illegally should be immediately returned to their countries of origin.

According to Department of Defense statements, DoD have been asked to provide up to 12,000 beds on military bases for detained immigrants.

“The Department of Defense has received a request for assistance from the Department of Homeland Security to house and care for an alien family population of up to 12,000 people. DHS requests that DoD identify any available facilities that could be used for that purpose,” the Pentagon said in a statement.

Homeland Security's Request for DoD to House Detained Immigrants Sparks Online Debate

Do you support this plan for DoD to house detained immigrants?

DoD is preparing to receive up to 2,000 immigrants before September 2018. Possible locations and housing arrangements are being scouted now by military leaders. Secretary of Defense James Mattis has identified Goodfellow Air Force Base in San Angelo and Fort Bliss in El Paso as locations available to house unaccompanied immigrant minors.

Possible additional locations in Texas, Arizona, New Mexico and California are also being considered.

Facebook Post Sparks Debate Among Military Spouses

Many military spouses commented on a Facebook post from Military Spouse magazine stating that military bases might soon be used to house detained immigrants. Approximately 70 comments were made on the original post. However, this Facebook post has been shared at least 18 times from that first post alone.

One military spouse referenced the words on the Statue of Liberty, from the poem “The New Colossus” by Emma Lazarus.

“Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Many Facebook comments made by military spouses shared a similar mentality.

Several commenters shared specific ways that they would be willing to help, from housing immigrants personally to providing respite child care for immigrant parents or teaching ESL in the temporary housing facilities.

Counter-arguments suggested that people considering immigrating to the United States to stay in their own countries. Some stated that those seeking asylum should not cross U.S. borders without proper authorization and paperwork.

According to the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services department, those seeking asylum must be physically present in the United States at the time of their application. In order to be considered for humanitarian asylum, applicants need to cross over a U.S. border or arrive at a port of entry.

Commenters also suggested that those entering “illegally” or seeking asylum should be immediately returned to their countries of origin.

Will Housing Detained Immigrants on Military Bases Impact Military Families?

Lots of individuals were upset over the possible impacts on military base housing or on-base child care centers.

No mention of placing detained immigrants in military family housing or allowing access to CDCs has been mentioned. Multiple sources state that immigrants will be housed in temporary facilities. Costs incurred by the DoD for providing temporary housing would be reimbursed.

Other comments included references to housing issues faced by veterans and their families, as well as by other Americans facing hard times. Some Facebook commenters suggested that instead of placing immigrants into the temporary shelters, that they instead be used for homeless Americans.

Several individuals raised concerns about security and potential issues. They pointed out that many military facilities are closed, and require a DoD ID card to enter or for non-DoD civilians to be escorted.

They are concerned that immigrants may be accidentally able to pick up confidential information and disseminate it to possible threats to the base or the U.S. military.

All indications from previous reports are that detained immigrants would be housed in temporary shelters separate from military facilities and family housing.

Many commenting threads became heated and insults were exchanged from individuals on both sides of the issue.

Dozens of commenters reflected that, based on some comments, they were disappointed with the reaction in the military spouse community.

Others found hope in the empathy of their peers.

Many found kindred spirits who agreed on common points of view.

Susie Schwartz, the wife of retired Air Force General Norton Schwartz and a vice president at Military Spouse magazine’s publisher Victory Media, chimed in with a call for kindness.

“I hope we can all show compassion for each other,” Schwartz wrote in her Facebook comment. “Within our own community and with others.”

Do you support this plan to house detained immigrants on military bases or are you against it? Tell us in the comments section.

How I Feel About Service Member-Only Military Discounts

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by Amanda Marksmeier, Guest Contributor

“Sorry, we only offer discounts to service members.”

As military spouses we have all heard this statement.

I find it ironic. My husband and I are partners in life, we share everything including a bank account. The money I use when making a purchase is as much his as it is mine.

Furthermore, the reason he is not with me is because he is either deployed, in the field or gone for training.

I don’t believe we as members of the military community are entitled to military discounts, but it is nice when a business offers a military discount to military spouses.

When the United States was engaged in two wars with the scars of 9/11 still seeping and American pride swelled within us, military discounts were a way to honor service members and their families. As the wars drag on and disappear from national headlines, the military community fades from the forefront of the minds of American civilians.

Unless you have a personal connection to the military you are unaware of the challenges and sacrifices of military families. So, allow me to share a few numbers with you.

The military spouse unemployment rate is estimated at 16%; the national unemployment rate is 3.9%. Sixteen percent doesn’t sound like a lot, but it equates to 104,000 out of work military spouses. This number does not reflect spouses who gave up their job search or are underemployed.

The average income for a service member is between $40,00 and $52,000 annually. The U.S. average annual household income is approximately $73,000. For those doing the math that is a difference of $21,000!

But military families don’t pay for housing or health insurance, right?! No, as a matter of fact we pay for both necessities. While military families can live in base housing it is not free.

Service members receive a housing stipend or basic housing allowance (which is included in the $52,000) but for families that choose base housing this money is recouped by the housing offices to cover living expenses.

Military members pay health insurance premiums just like everyone else. Granted our premiums are much lower than other insurance premiums but we pay them nonetheless.

Here are some more numbers to consider.

The average military family will move six to nine times. The government pays for the move, right? Yes and no. The government approves and pays to move our household goods up to a certain weight which is based on the service member’s rank, not how many dependents are in the household. They will also cover travel expenses such as gas, hotel stays and meals depending on the distance traveled.

What they don’t cover is the cost to ship a vehicle because your newly licensed teen is not experienced enough to drive across the country.

Another expense that is not covered is the three weeks of hotel fees because base housing is unavailable when you arrive on post.

A huge out-of-pocket expense for moving military families is food. For families living in a hotel or an empty home awaiting household goods, their only option is to eat out.

I know what you are thinking, no cooking or dirty dishes, sign me up. I am here to tell you, besides the cost, which can easily average $100 or more a day for a family of four, eating out gets old quickly.

My goal in sharing this is not to gain sympathy or “poor mouth” but simply to provide information by the numbers.

Many military families struggle financially, so a military discount not only helps their bottom line but boosts morale and gives a feeling of appreciation.

I have been a military spouse for almost 13 years and I am grateful for every moment of it. Military life has taken me many places and introduced me to amazing people. It is a life I chose but that doesn’t mean it is easy or cheap.

Our family has lived in six homes. My husband has been deployed for more than 60 months and has been away for far too many field exercises and trainings to count.

When I am offered a military discount on my purchase it makes me feel like someone is acknowledging and appreciating the commitment I made to my husband.

What are your thoughts on service member-only military discounts?

Amanda Marksmeier is an Army wife and mother of four. She works as an employment specialist assisting the military community in achieving their career goals. Amanda is also a contributing writer for a quarterly employment journal and has written for several military affiliated blogs.

I Crossed the Unwritten Officer and Enlisted Friendship Line

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I joined the military spouse ranks at the end of an era. Which specific era, you might wonder? Well, the end of the blatant separation of spouses into “officer” and “enlisted.”

When my husband was wrapping up his stint at initial training, all of us wives (and it was only wives) were herded into an auditorium and given the rundown on life as a USMC spouse. We learned the ropes from a seasoned spouse and were handed a copy of Parade Rest.

We were lectured about protocol and decorum. I, the dependent spouse, was a direct reflection on my husband and his career. My behavior needed to be impeccable at all times. The correct place settings and seating arrangements for every possible formal and informal dinner party was reviewed in my new book.

Oh, and the rules against officer and enlisted fraternization were reviewed. But I didn’t really pay close attention to that part of the seminar. I guess it covered spouses, too. I mean, it must have, based on how other newly minted military spouses were acting.

I crossed the unwritten officer and enlisted friendship line.

And I don’t care. Because that line isn’t a real thing. It’s something that someone way back in the “good old days” created.

Some of the friends that I do life best with happen to be on the “other side” of that line.

The whole rank thing came up once at the beginning of each friendship. And then it was done.

No one blinked.

No one flinched.

Our spouses’ ranks aren’t even discussed, except for a hearty congratulations when someone gets promoted.

I Crossed the Unwritten Officer and Enlisted Friendship Line

We’re all just spouses. By “just” I really mean without the officer or enlisted caveat attached.

I have just a few criteria for my friends. First, be kind to my kids, but don’t be afraid to make them toe the line.

Also, it would be nice to enjoy a few similar hobbies. I’m into true crime, running, reading, writing and being salty about military life.

Finally, I like to have adventures and try new things.

Can you hang with that? Great! You’re in.

This attitude is becoming more and more the norm of military life and friendship among spouses.

The atmosphere has changed slowly over the last decade or so. I’m so glad that it has too. It makes everything much nicer and friendlier. Having an “all-hands” spouses club unites all of us for the good and, honestly, the food.

It wasn’t always like this, even in the very recent past.

I remember overhearing troubling conversations as a young(er) spouse. Harsh, untrue stereotypes were repeated. Some folks thought they could “just tell” what rank someone’s spouse wore based on their accent, clothing, number of children or perceived education level.

When I volunteered in the family readiness group at our first duty station, a few spouses liked to throw down rank very obviously. As if it made a difference to who got the last word.

Related: 10 Situations that Hurt a MilSpouse Friendship

One of my friends from that experience happened to be married to an enlisted Marine. After all the nonsense at my military spouse indoctrination, I was nervous about venturing into this friendship. I didn’t want to create a situation. I hesitated to connect on Facebook. I paused before socializing outside of unit events.

Then my husband set me straight.

We’re all just spouses.

By “just” I really mean without the officer or enlisted caveat attached. At the end of the day, we married the person our hearts connected to the most.

It wasn’t because of what was on their collars, but because of who they are as a human.

Although, if we’re being honest, how they look in dress uniform might have played a role in the process.

Breaking through that invisible O/E friendship barrier was the best thing I’ve done as a spouse. When I decided to stop listening to the stereotypes and the unwritten rules, I gained a whole lot of love, light and laughter.

I’ve got a whole army of amazing friends that I know I can call on, day or night, for anything. Whatever our spouses do, we’ve got each other. And to be honest, none of us are really 100% sure what our active duty other half does some days.

We’re all in this together, all of us military spouses. We are all just trying to get through this wild ride, with our sanity mostly intact. So cross that “line” if you spot a kindred spirit. It will be so worth it.

We want to hear from you! Tell us what “rules” you’ve proudly broken as a military spouse!

9 Military Discounts for Those Who Love to Craft

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Are you a crafty military spouse on the hunt for great military discounts? We are too and that’s why we’re sharing our favorite craft stores to shop at and which ones have military discounts.

DIY Military Spouses Can Score a Military Discount at These 9 Stores

Michaels

Simply present your military ID card at checkout and the clerk will give you a 15% military discount.

Previously, there was a special day of the week that this military discount was eligible to be used, however; they have recently changed it to a daily discount.

AC Moore

AC Moore has a 15% military discount. It is available every day and can be used on regular priced items as well as discounted items. Be ready to show your ID card at the register to receive this military discount.

A fantastic addition is that you can use their item discount coupons along with the military discount for an even better savings.

Lastly, AC Moore has a rewards program. Ask your cashier for a rewards card at the checkout. Scan it each time you shop at AC Moore and you will receive a certificate for money toward your future purchases.

9 Military Discounts for Those Who Love to Craft

Do you ask for a military discount when buying craft supplies?

Jo-Ann

Service members and their family members that have a military ID card can receive a 10% military discount that can be applied to regular, sale and clearance items. Some things are excluded from using a military discount such as classes, magazines and cutting machines.

Yankee Candle

Some crafters use candles in their projects. Yankee Candle offers a 10% discount to all active and retired service members. A military ID card is required to make the purchase in person. You can also use the military discount for purchases made online.

Overstock

Overstock does not have a specific military discount. They do however provide free Club O membership for military personnel.

With that, military spouses can get 5% reward dollars every time they make a purchase and enjoy free shipping as well as extra reward dollars. Overstock has many items for crafty military spouses. You can order cutting machines, sewing machines, scrapbooking items and more.

Lowe’s Home Improvement

It might surprise some military spouses to see Lowe’s on the list for craft supply stores. Though it is not your typical craft store, there are so many possibilities here.

Working on a craft project that requires wood? They’ll cut it down to size for you.

The super store has many items that can be used for craft projects. They have friendly staff that can take you right to the item you’re looking for as well.

They’ll even give you a 10% military discount when you check out.

Home Depot

Home Depot offers a 10% military discount. You’d be surprised how many things you can make out of non-traditional craft items here.

Home Depot even has a section of their site dedicated to craft ideas and products to use to make them if you need some ideas.

Old Time Pottery

Old Time Pottery has a vast selection of items that appeal to creative military spouses. Their prices are very low and they even offer a 10% military discount.

Sherwin-Williams

Sherwin-Williams offers a 15% military discount on paints, stains and painting supplies. There are endless possibilities for crafters here.

Feeling inspired? Head out to one of these stores and get creative. Make sure you take a picture of your project to share with us.

Do you love to take photos? Enter your favorite picture in this month’s photo contest with MilitaryShoppers. Click here to enter to win.

When Will My House Feel Like Home?

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Moving. It’s part and parcel to the whole military family way of life.

When Will My House Feel Like Home?

How long does it take until you feel at home in a new duty station?

If you are new to the military, then you might only have a couple of moves under your belt. If you’re like me, a more “seasoned” military spouse and brat, then you probably need a moment to tally all the places you’ve called home.

Hand in hand with constantly finding a “new’ home, comes a lingering feeling of transience.

At what point does that freshly painted on-post duplex or 4-bedroom off-base house start to feel like home?

When I Was a Kid

When I was a kid, my active-duty parents whisked me across oceans to both Europe and Asia. Every trip meant picking out the must-have toy to take with me and saying goodbye to every other toy and possession, sometimes for months at a time.

Nothing made a house feel more like home than getting to unpack all my things and finding just the right spot for each and every toy.

Add in a few Saturday morning cartoons and the occasional batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies and things were golden.

When your household goods finally arrive, make setting up your child’s room a priority. Then, try to get back into a routine as quickly as you can. Bedtime stories, bath time, and yes, even cookies, can help take the fear out of a new place. Young kids are amazingly resilient, but familiar items and routines will help them to adjust.

When I Was a Teen

The older I got, the harder it got to move. While unpacking my things helped me to feel settled, a sense of home never really surfaced until we returned to our normal routine.

Things like school and (I can’t believe I am saying this!) Saturday morning chores made me forget that things were new. I guess nothing says home like homework and a toilet brush.

If you have a teenager in your home (or, God help you, more than one, like me!), the same rules apply about routine. As a parent, try to be patient.

The adjustment might take a little longer for your teenagers, but it will come.

Take advantage of opportunities to create special memories in your new home, even some specifically associated with moving.

Use up some of that seemingly endless supply of packing paper for a paper snowball fight.

Take turns picking a place for dinner so you can explore your new neighborhood.

And make sure you take time to Skype or email friends from your last duty station. A familiar voice can help make the transition a little easier.

When I Was an Adult

For a brief time, in my late teens and early twenties I ventured out into the world on my own. I stayed with extended family and a few friends as I worked my way through college, but it never really felt like home. Even moving into my own apartment felt empty and lonely.

Shortly thereafter I joined the Army. My barracks room became my inspection-ready sanctuary and my barracks-mates my family. But we all knew those digs were only temporary and none of us ever really felt like we were home.

It wasn’t until I married my husband and we started our own family that I felt like I had a home again.  Hanging curtains, painting walls and making sure that every box was unpacked or hidden away in storage was and is always the first step to making it feel like home again for us.

Enjoy the process of discovery that comes from unpacking all of those things you love. Then, once you’ve emptied all of those boxes, make a point to entertain a few guests if you can.

Nothing makes a house feel more like a home than putting out a welcome mat and extending a little hospitality.

Dozens of Moves Later

Just over a year ago, we purchased what will be our last home as an active-duty Army family. Bits and pieces of the life we have built are seen in every corner, but it is only recently that this house has started to feel like home to me.

My kids are nearly grown, with one already discussing plans to move out. And so, the idea of home is changing once again.

How can it be home if we are not all together? Will our home become just a living museum of the memories collected as we traveled from place to place?

I suppose only time will tell.

How long does it take until you feel at home in a new duty station?

What is PCS Remorse and How to Get Over It

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As summer draws to an end, most of us who followed a set of PCS orders to a new duty station have arrived, found a place to live and unpacked our household goods.

The whirlwind rush of cross-country or transcontinental travel has dissipated. You’ve identified the best route to the commissary, clinic and a decent take-out place. And now that the shock and excitement of all things new has begun to wear off, the reality of our current situation begins to set in.

Maybe your new on-base housing is sub-par to your previous location.

Maybe the weather is always cold or gray and rainy.

Maybe the neighbors are standoffish and the only options for extracurricular activities for the kids is the one thing they aren’t interested in.

And to top it all off, the friends you left behind keep posting updates from your favorite old hang-outs. Or worse yet, maybe your milspouse bestie has PCSed to some tropical wonderland and her Instagram account is overflowing with pictures of sunsets, beaches and fruity umbrella drinks.

Suddenly, everywhere you look things are wrong and you’d give anything to pack everything back up and go somewhere, anywhere else.

There’s no doubt, you’ve got it.

You’ve got PCS remorse and you’ve got it bad.

Chin up chickadee. While your apprehension and dissatisfaction with a less-than-stellar duty station is normal, you can overcome that negative outlook. All it takes is a little adjustment in perspective.

What is PCS Remorse and How to Get Over It

Have you ever found yourself hating your duty station?

Look for Something Good to Focus on

No matter how bad something is, there is always a silver lining. And if that little voice in your head tells you things are bad, it can color how you see everything around you. Even the good.

Make a point to find something good, something you like about your new location.. Even if it’s just the fact that the water pressure in the shower is out of this world, seeing one good thing can be a stepping stone to others.

Remember that Social Media isn’t Always the Whole Truth

Yes, those amazing tropical sunsets are enviable, but try to keep in mind that most people only tend to share the best and most positive aspects of their lives. So while the beach is pretty, the horrendous traffic, dinosaur-sized mosquitoes, and $8 gallon of milk offer balance for all of that dreamy scenery.

Get Mad, Get Sad and Then Get Over It

Change is hard, especially when it’s abrupt or doesn’t live up to expectations.

It’s OK to get mad or to be a little blue. Those are normal and natural emotions that must be expressed in order to be resolved. Give yourself some time to grief and adjust, but then focus on making the most of what you’ve got.

While things might not be great, they can almost always be worse. Decide to change your perspective and then work to make it happen.

Sometimes finding things to look forward to can help. Maybe it’s taking a long bath every Friday night. Maybe it’s pizza for dinner on Sundays or a nightly jog up to a pretty vantage point. Whatever it is, let yourself enjoy it.

Forget everything else and live in that moment. Joy can brighten your outlook and help to make everything else look a little less glum.

Make a Plan for Distraction

If simply going about your daily routine isn’t enough to shake off those negative feelings, make deliberate plans to engage in an activity that will distract you.

A new exercise routine, planting a garden, taking up a new hobby, volunteering or even going back to school can help you find something to devote your energy to. Focus your energy on learning and growing despite your surroundings. You’ll be amazed at how much it helps to make even the bleakest of days look better.

Have you ever found yourself hating your duty station? What did you do to get through that challenging time?

5 Creative and Useful Ways to Welcome Your New Neighbor

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It’s PCS season. You are either moving into a new neighborhood or someone new is moving into your neighborhood.

Finding a friendly face can make all the difference in adjusting to a new home. Here are 5 creative ideas on how to welcome your new neighbors.

5 Creative and Useful Ways to Welcome Your New Neighbor

No matter what you do to welcome your new neighbors, just reaching out to say hi is enough to make them feel happy.

5 Creative and Useful Ways to Welcome Your New Neighbor

Deliver a Home-Cooked Meal

There’s nothing quite like home-cooked food when you’ve been eating out during a PCS. Think about how long you actually go without a good home-cooked meal when moving. You stop cooking ahead of packing to make sure everything is clean, organized and ready to be boxed up. Then your kitchen gets packed and you find your family eating out until everything is unpacked in your new home. That can be a lot of takeout meals or at least microwaved dinners.

Welcome your new neighbors with something you’ve cooked. It doesn’t need to be a whole meal. You could make lasagna, enchiladas, a pasta dish or a breakfast casserole. A one plate meal makes clean up easy for the new family and they will be grateful to have a home-cooked meal. You could also bake cookies, brownies or sweet bread. Anything homemade will be welcomed over takeout.

Give Them Your Favorite Local Takeout Menus

If you aren’t that ambitious or you just aren’t sure what the family likes to eat, bring them local takeout menus. It can be fun trying new restaurants when moving to a new area, but it also can be intimidating. You don’t want to waste your money on something that turns out not to be good. If you don’t know anyone locally to ask their opinion on restaurants, you just have to try them and find out first-hand.

A list of good restaurants and perhaps restaurants to avoid is a great welcome gift to new neighbors. You likely have some takeout menus in your junk drawer at home so you won’t even have to make a trip out.

Offer to Pick Up Basic Essentials from the Commissary

Unpacking is a daunting task. You have to get most of the boxes out of the kitchen before you can go to the commissary and get groceries in order to make a meal.

Welcome your new neighbors by offering to pick up a few basic things for them when you go to the commissary. A gallon of milk, a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs or some fresh fruit can go a long way in making someone feel at home.

Bringing over a few basics is a good way to make friends and help them settle in. Of course they will have to do a big shopping trip at some point, but bringing over some basics to get them started is really nice.

Share Your Knowledge About the Area

Finding your way around a new city can take a long time. Having a neighbor that knows the area in and out can be great. You can offer suggestions on where to eat, shop, play and explore.

Ask your new neighbors what kind of things they like to do. If they like to be outdoors, perhaps you could share information on good hiking and camping locations or outdoor recreation facilities. If the family has young children, let them know where child-friendly places are. Is there a zoo, aquarium, botanical gardens or children’s museum nearby? Let them know about traffic too. What time is rush hour and are there any roads to avoid at certain times? Valuable information can be as good of a welcome gift as a physical present.

Bring Over a Welcome Basket

If you are a creative and crafty person and want to bring over a gift, Pinterest has plenty of ideas for welcome baskets. There are a lot of clever and puny sayings to go with them as well.

One idea would be to make a movie night basket. You could put together a movie, movie theater tickets or Red Box code for a free movie night along with popcorn. Add a note that says “Just poppin’ in to say welcome to the neighborhood.”

Another idea would be to drop off a house plant with a note that says “We’re so glad the Navy (or whichever branch is applicable) planted you here.”

There are tons of ideas like these available online or perhaps you are clever enough to come up with one of your own.

No matter what you do to welcome your new neighbors, just reaching out to say hi is enough to make them feel happy. Take the first step in making friends and go over and introduce yourself. Who knows, it could be your next best friend moving in.

What is the best welcome gift you’ve received from your neighbors?