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Why I’m Grateful To Be A Military Spouse

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Endless moving, constant change, long deployments, never feeling 100% secure in a career because of the PCSing. It’s a lot of stress. Being a military spouse is certainly no cakewalk, even under the absolute best of circumstances.

But…

5 'In Uniform' Rules All Military Spouses Should Know

Photo Credit: Lauren Nygard Photography

I wouldn’t dream of living another life. Ever.

I might not like every part of this military spouse life, but I do love it. It’s given me freedom and support in equal measures, with lots of joy mixed in, too.

Why I’m Grateful To Be A Military Spouse

This life may not be easy, but I’m incredibly thankful to be on this journey!

1. I’m surrounded by experts in all things, all the time

My daughter was very, very ill recently. The doctor’s office was closed and I wasn’t sure what to do. I called the nurse advice line but didn’t feel 100% confident in their suggestions. They couldn’t actually see my poor girl or really get the full picture over the phone.

Instead, I phoned a friend. She’s a nurse and lives just one street over. In minutes, she was in my house with advice I trusted because I trust her. The next day, she called again to see how things had played out and to walk me through what the next steps might look like.

She’s not the only professional I know either. Just in my neighborhood, I’ve got a hairdresser, makeup artist, accountant, pharmacist, personal trainer, vinyl artist, and EMT. Those are just the folks I know!

No matter what problem I have, there is a military spouse friend I can call.

Help with my blog or business? It’s handled.

Medical advice? Done.

Buying, selling, renting or managing real estate? Didn’t even break a sweat.

Any direct sales company from books to makeup to unmentionables? You betcha!

2. I’ve lived farther from “home” than I ever thought possible

I grew up in a small New England town where most people stayed, at least, in the county. My life from college graduation on was mapped out: find a teaching job sort of close by, stay there for 20-30 years, retire and then travel.

The farthest my feet had taken me was up to Montreal and Quebec City for a college student exchange program.

Right now, I’m typing this post from my couch in Japan.

Japan.

I’ve gone from the person who was content to maybe cross a state line to grab a great job to a literal world traveler. We’ve lived in California, DC, and now Japan.

I never thought I would get to visit anywhere beyond the US or maybe western Europe. Now, I can say that I’ve lived in Japan!

3. My kids have bathed elephants in Thailand

They’ve eaten pho in Vietnam, worn hanbocks in Seoul, tried sushi in Tokyo, and walked paths through thousands of years of history.

We have seen the world, thanks to this military life we lead.

Without the gift of our overseas duty station, traveling throughout Asia would have been a pie-in-the-sky dream. We would have stuck with the wonders of America, and been very thankful for the experiences.

But now, I have the image of my daughter’s surprised face the first time she touched the rough wrinkled skin of an elephant. My son’s laughter at the shisa dog dancers rings in my ears. I can still taste the Cao lau, made from scratch with water from an ancient well, in Hoi An.

4. I can try new things often

Traveling brings new adventures no matter what, or where, we explore. But I’m talking about personal and professional new things.

Remember, I thought I would be a teacher for a few decades? Instead, I’m dipping my toes into freelance writing and running my own virtual business. I’ve been able to serve families around the world as a tutor and homeschooling coach. I wrote a book, something I never thought I would do in a million years.

Yes, I’ve been a teacher and worked in schools, too. So that dream is still very much alive!

And our next move has even more potential for reinvention. I can choose to return to the classroom, dive into non-profit work that I’m passionate about, or continue to build my personal brand.

Without the constant moving and changing, my “brand” would still be what it was on college graduation day: elementary and special education teacher.

Instead, I’ve been able to explore different interests and areas with a little bit of a safety net. I’m still not 100% sure where I’ll land next, but I know it will be something exciting and amazing.

5. I get to be Cinderella at least one night a year

Growing up, my best friend and I would go to JC Penny and try on the prom dresses. We weren’t shopping for anything. It was just for fun. Putting on a fancy dress, sweeping your hair up into a formal updo, and wearing more makeup than normal is exciting!

I love that one night every year I get to play Cinderella with my own handsome knight in shining armor on my arm.

So, I might moan and groan about finding a sitter or trying to get dressed with a toddler underfoot. But deep down, I live for this. The ball is my Super Bowl.

I love to see everyone in fancy clothes, on their best behavior before dinner and then breaking it down on the dance floor after dessert.

Watching the motivational videos, especially the Birthday Message, makes me tear up every year. If there’s a remotely poignant guest speaker, I’ll be trying to hold back the waterworks!

I’m so grateful to be part of this supportive, adventurous, incredibly talented military spouse community!

Let us know why you’re thankful to be a military spouse!

Is Technology Killing the Romance of Deployments?

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Romance is dead!

Technology killed it.

Is Technology Killing the Romance of Deployments?

I miss the low-tech deployments. My husband and I would write each other letters and it was a treat to talk on the phone for 15 minutes.

Gone are the days when people gradually got to know one and another one date at a time. The slow and steady pace of forming a serious relationship has been replaced by search engines, dating apps and social media.

The death of romance is evident in the evolution of technology during deployments.

Before you all start leaving passionate comments about how technology is the source of all romance in your relationships, please hear my experience (which by no means is a reflection or condemnation on your relationship).

Technology Has Invaded Our Deployments

Technology has invaded every aspect of our lives. It is in our cars, homes and schools. We can monitor pets through video, turn lights on and off with a simple command and even adjust the room’s temperature from the comfort of our beds. I admit these are conveniences I enjoy, but I believe technology has made us less connected and allowed us to be less engaged with one another.

During my husband’s first deployment, more than 10 years ago, we would write letters, usually describing our day but mostly expressing our love, our hopes for the future and dreams of our reunion.

Occasionally we were able to speak on the phone. This was a special gift usually delivered in pre-dawn hours. Our calls would only last 15 minutes (if we were lucky) then the operator would break in to inform us our time was limited, in those days I came to hate her.

My husband would wait in line for hours after pulling 24-hour duty for a 15-minute conversation. That dedication, my friends, is romance.

Skype, FaceTime and Facebook Live were not yet invented so the only image of your spouse would be in your thoughts, unless you were lucky enough to catch a glimpse of him in the unit’s newsletter. I can remember holding tight to pictures, trying desperately to remember his face, his eyes and his smile.

I Hoped I Would Recognize Him at His Homecoming

Anticipation for the moment we would lay eyes on each other for the first time in a year would build as the deployment days counted down.

I will never forget our reunions in those early days. Standing on a parade field, feeling my heart pound out of my chest. The buses came rolling by, my breathe trapped in my lungs.

The moment of our homecoming had come.

The band began to play as hundreds of soldiers marching through the trees.

Tears welled in my eyes.

Pride swelled my heart.

I stood for what seemed like hours, searching for his face, hoping I would recognize him after such a long time apart. Then like a fairytale, there he was standing before me, and just like that all was complete in my world.

I Miss the Letter-Writing Deployments When I Believe We Were Truly Able to Miss Each Other

Don’t misunderstand, I appreciate technology. I appreciate the ability to call or text my spouse when I need him, like when I feel defeated by our lawn equipment.

Is Technology Killing the Romance of Deployments?

I believe that technology is killing the romance of deployments.

I appreciate the opportunity for him to watch his children grow even when he’s far away.

But I do miss the low-tech days, when I believe we were truly able to miss each other, to go days, weeks and even months without contact. This time allowed us to appreciate the time we do get together and not take a moment of it for granted.

To this day, we still write letters when my husband is deployed and have only Skyped a few times during a deployment.

I know that seems crazy to most military couples, but it has worked for us for over 15 years.

Do you think technology has helped or harmed romance?

Is Selling Liquor at the Commissary a Good Idea?

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Is selling liquor at the commissaries a good idea?

A study is currently being conducted to determine the feasibility of selling distilled spirits at the commissaries. At the end of July, 12 commissaries began selling beer and wine as part of a 90-day trial. So far, the trial has gone well.

The Defense Commissary Agency (DeCA) reported $70,658 in revenue from beer and wine sales by mid-August. That’s simply from 12 commissaries. When the trial ends, all commissaries will begin selling beer and wine.

DeCA does not need approval from the government to add distilled spirits to its shelves. That means you could be seeing liquor in the commissary in the near future.

Is Selling Liquor at the Commissary a Good Idea?

Alcohol abuse is common in the military. It isn’t just the service members that have a problem with alcohol. Military spouses do as well.

One of the reasons members of the Defense Department cited for wanting to add liquor to the sales floor was convenience. They said it was inconvenient for people to have to make multiple stops throughout their day to buy groceries and liquor.

Yes, it would certainly be more convenient to buy everything you need in one location.

The question though is, is selling liquor at the commissary a good idea?

If the commissary sells hard liquor, does the government become an enabler for service members abusing alcohol?

Problems stemming from the misuse of alcohol have cost the military greatly in terms of both money and productivity.

A study found that alcohol abuse costs the government $1.12 billion annually. That includes medical costs, the loss of 320,000 work days, 10,400 active duty service members becoming unable to deploy as well as 2,200 that separated from the military for alcohol-related reasons.

There are as many as 34,400 arrests each year of service members that involve alcohol.

These numbers are staggering.

Those on Capitol Hill said that of course the military does not condone excessive drinking and therefore, commissaries are not to glorify it. Carla Gleason, a Pentagon spokeswoman, had this to say,

Like all other activities on the installation, the commissaries will fully support the department’s programs, policies, and procedures to deglamorize the use of alcohol and discourage its irresponsible use. To this end, the commissary stores will offer only a limited assortment of beer and wines, and will be prohibited from engaging in marketing practices that would glamorize the sale or use of alcoholic beverages.”

A lack of advertising isn’t going to prevent a service member or a family member from binge drinking. The military has not provided any information on the effects of having liquor readily available at commissaries.

Hopefully this feasibility study will include information about alcohol abuse and not just profit potential.

The proposal to sell liquor at commissaries should not necessarily only focus on the people that have a problem with alcohol. There are many patrons of the commissary that are responsible drinkers.

Should they be given the opportunity to purchase liquor in the commissary?

Would shoppers prefer to keep liquor in places such as Class Six stores?

That’s what the feasibility study is really about. The results of the study are expected to be delivered by the end of next month.

What do you think? Should the commissary sell liquor along with beer and wine?

Why Deployment Is a Great Time to Launch Your Business

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Starting a business is a huge undertaking so it is only natural to be intimidated and find reasons to put it off until the perfect time.

News flash: There is never a perfect time to launch a business! There will always be obstacles but don’t allow them to stop your entrepreneurial spirit!

Lately, there has been a lot of talk about military spouse employment or rather the lack of employment. One way to combat military spouse unemployment is to create your own career and start a business that is PCS proof.

Deployment is a great time to start achieving your entrepreneurial goals. I know it seems crazy but hear me out. Everyone is always asking “How can I survive a deployment?” The most common answer is to stay busy.

What will keep you busier than launching a business?

Rome was not built in a day and neither will your new business. Creating a business is a process. The first step in the process is to decide what your business will be.

  • Do you have a marketable skill? Do you sew, are you an organizing guru, or a marketing maven?
  • Have you seen a need for a service or a way to improve a product?

These skills and ideas can be transformed into a lucrative business with determination, a solid business plan and a lot of hard work.

Why Deployment Is a Great Time to Launch Your Business

Have you always wanted to start your own business? What are you waiting for? Deployment is a great time to launch your business.

Once you have a business plan it is time to put that plan into action. Why not start as soon as your spouse leaves on a deployment? This will give you something to focus on and will help to fill the gap your spouse’s absence leaves.

Launching a business during a deployment also helps establish reasonable business goals and a firm timeline in which you can strive to accomplish them – emphasis on “reasonable” goals. To say you plan to launch a Fortune 500 business during a nine-month deployment is not only absurd, it will lead to burnout, disappointment and lots of tears.

Reasonable business goals could include completing professional branding, launching your company’s website and social media platforms, creating a media kit and begin soliciting clients. By the end of the deployment, you may not be rolling in the dough, but you will have a strong foundation for a successful business.

The military life is not meant to be lived alone and neither is the journey to entrepreneurship. There are so many resources available to military spouse entrepreneurs from those who have been in your shoes and can help you learn through their experiences.

4 Resources for Military Spouse Entrepreneurs

The MilSpouse Creative was designed by a military spouse entrepreneur. She created a global virtual networking community for military spouse entrepreneurs to connect, collaborate and cultivate.

The Milspo Project is a nonprofit designed to help military spouses make their entrepreneur dreams come true.

The Entrepreneurship Bootcamp for Veterans’ Families (EBV-F) is an education and self-employment training program designed to take advantage of the skills, resources, and infrastructure of higher education to offer training in entrepreneurship and small business management to veterans’ families.

The National Military Spouse Network is a networking, mentoring and professional development organization committed to education, empowerment and advancement of military spouses.

As a military spouse who has experienced more than my fair share of deployments, I know they are long, tiresome and lonely.

I found focusing on goals and achieving them makes me feel a sense of accomplishment and makes the time spent apart more worthwhile.

The idea of starting a business can be overwhelming and a bit scary especially during a deployment but it can also be exhilarating and challenging.

Did you launch a business while your service member was on a deployment? Tell us about your business in the comments section.

Cellphone Companies Announce Military Discount Programs

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In this fast-paced world, cellphones have become less of a convenience and more of a necessity, especially in the military community.

With deployments, training exercises and relocations, it is imperative to have the ability to stay connected with spouses, family and friends. It’s imperative and it’s expensive! Cellphone service can cost more than a car payment.

Several cellphone providers have announced discount programs for the military to help elevate the high cost of cellphone service. Check out the discounts the top carriers are offering.

Sprint Unlimited Military Plan

Sprint offers a 50% discount on the basic unlimited plan to military and veterans. The discount applies to additional family lines associated with the primary line. The first line is $60 a month (no discount applied), each additional line receives a 50% discount.

Four lines will cost $100 a month and include unlimited data, talk and text nationwide, Hulu, 500 MB mobile hotspot, DVD-quality streaming, global roaming in more than 185 worldwide locations, unlimited talk and text in Mexico and Canada, and 5GB of 4G LTE data.

One of the biggest concerns with switching service is the coverage. So how does Sprint’s coverage compare? According to an article published in “WhistleOut,” Sprint has the “fourth-best” coverage in the United States. The good news is in the regions Sprint is available the reliability of the service is pretty good.

If you are stationed anywhere from the East Coast to mid-Texas or the West Coast, Sprint offers reliable coverage at a great rate. If you live in the mid or south-west region of the United States, you may want to opt for a different cellphone provider.

Verizon Military Discount Program

Verizon is the Cadillac of cellphone providers when it comes to coverage areas, however, they do not offer quite as deep discounts for military members.

Verizon recently announced a military discount program. With this deal, you could save up to $40 on four lines under any of Verizon’s three “unlimited” plans. The basic unlimited plan or “go Unlimited” starts at $40 a month per line and requires at least four lines be opened to receive this price. The basic plan would cost a family of four $120 a month.

Related: 4 Ways to Save on Your Cell Phone Bill

This plan includes unlimited talk, text and 4G LTE data, DVD quality streaming (480p), unlimited mobile hotspot (600 kbps), Verizon Up Rewards and text and data in Mexico and Canada.

To receive the monthly savings, customers must enroll in Verizon’s AutoPay program and use paperless billing.

T-Mobile One Military

T-Mobile has recently rebranded and is the cellphone provider to watch, in my opinion. They are third in line for coverage which includes most of the United States, except for parts of Nebraska, Iowa, Wyoming and a very small area in southwest Texas near the Mexican border. I have driven through this area several times and there is pretty much no service available with any carrier.

With T-Mobile’s military discount, a family of four would pay $100 a month. These plans include most of the same services as the other carriers with a couple of notable additions. Netflix, texting and data abroad including 210 countries, in-flight texting and one hour of data on flights in the United States and what I think is the best part, all taxes and fees are included in the price, so your $100 cell phone bill is $100.

Another plus, T-Mobile has committed to hiring 10,000 veterans and military spouses and offers career training.

They don’t just have sales jobs. They offer a variety of positions from HR to IT.

AT&T

I intentionally left AT&T for last, because their military discount plan really isn’t worth much of a mention in addition to all the problems AT&T users have recently had (did you experience the major outages in 2017?).

They have a wide coverage area in the United States, coming in at a close second to Verizon. The military discount offered by AT&T is 15% off monthly service charges on qualifying plans. Their unlimited plans start at $70 a month for one line. In my opinion, 15% doesn’t come close to the amazing discounts the other carriers are offering.

These military discounts can really help military families lower their cellphone bills while still staying connected to the ones they love!

Are you looking to change your current cellphone carrier? Would you switch to one that offers a military discount?

4 Military Phrases That Sound Strange When Military Spouses Say Them

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by Amanda Marksmeier

Spend just a few minutes at any military base and you will discover an entirely new language full of odd phrases and acronyms. While terms like PCS, LES and BAH are imperative to a military spouse’s survival, there are some terms that sound quite strange coming from military spouses’ mouths.

4 Common Military Phrases That Sound Strange When Military Spouses Say Them

Hooah and Oorah

“Hooah” is widely used in the Army and Air Force as the standard answer to any question.

“Oorah!” is the Marines’ version.

The military thrives on discipline and obedience so no matter how the service member really wants to respond to “You have extra duty this weekend” they are expected to answer with an enthusiastic “Hooah” or “Oorah.”

We, as military spouses, should shy away from using these terms. Think about it. When your spouse comes home with deployment news, are you really excited about it? Would you reply, “That’s great news, I am so happy to hear it!”?

“Hooah” and “Oorah” doesn’t accurately communicate the authentic feelings of a military spouse.

Latrine and The Head

The military uses both terms to refer to the restroom. I don’t know about you, but when I hear someone say latrine it evokes images of dirty port-o-johns and dingy yellow titled rooms, with blinking fluorescent lights and urinals troughs.

The oasis you created in your home to resemble a quiet spa-like retreat with fluffy white mats, calming pale blue walls and a lavender Scentsy burning should never be referred to as a latrine. Isn’t powder room a much better description?

4 Military Phrases That Sound Strange When Military Spouses Say Them

What are some military terms you have heard military spouses use? Do you think it sounds strange when a military spouse says these words?

Buck Up

Buck up is used to inspire troops to embrace the suck and push through. When military spouses use this phrase, it is usually done in a sarcastic “Buck Up buttercup” kind of way.

Your spouse is gone for a week and missing your anniversary. Buck up buttercup! PCSing to a less than desirable place? Buck up buttercup!

I admit I have been guilty of this. I sometimes forget how difficult it can be as a new military spouse. It might be our seventh deployment or fifth PCS in four years, but it is someone’s first. Just because I have learned to accept the ups and downs of the military life, I must remember many spouses struggle with finding acceptance and balance in a difficult situation.

Instead of telling our fellow spouses to “buck up” we should be asking how they are and remind them to stay strong.

Deployments, Rotations and TDY

We have all heard a new spouse say, “My spouse is on deployment to Germany.” While we suppress an eye roll, we often forget we probably didn’t know the correct terms when we started out.

A deployment is defined as the movement of troops to a place or position for military action. Deployments are usually three, six or nine months long but can vary depending on assignment and branch. These movements take place in combat zones such as Iraq or Afghanistan.

Related: 5 ‘In Uniform’ Rules All Military Spouses Should Know

A rotation is when a military unit relives another unit in a non-combat environment such as Kuwait or Korea for a fixed amount of time anywhere from nine to twelve months.

A TDY (Temporary Duty Assignment) refers to a service member who is on assignment at a location other than his or her permanent duty station. TDYs can take place stateside or overseas and is usually for no more than 139 days.

Here are four military terms and phrases military spouses should be using.

Mandatory Fun

Mandatory fun refers to a company or unit sponsored event which service members are required to attend. These events can be organizational days which include football, fishing or another group activity, so there is fun to be had.

After attending our first unit organizational day, I adopted this term and use it every time we go out as a family. When given the choice to participate in a family outing, my kids usually say no. I have a teenager who has a very active social life and an eleven-year-old that we have to pry the game controller from his hands just to eat.

I no longer give them a choice; I give them a command.

You will come, you will have fun and you will enjoy time with your family. That’s an order!

Voluntold

This term gives the illusion that it is optional, however, we all know it really means you have been selected to volunteer for a task.

In a perfect world, my kids would volunteer to take out the trash or mow the lawn, but just like most of you, I don’t live in a perfect world. So, voluntold is how most things get done in our house.

Got Your Six

On the face of a clock, the number six is directly under or behind the twelve. In the military when someone says “Got your six,” it means “I’ve got your back.” In a combat situation “got your six” literally means “I’ve got you covered, I will look out for you and protect you.”

Related: 16 Money Terms Every MilSo Should Know

This is a great phrase to use as a military spouse. It is so important that we all have our fellow spouses’ backs.

Household 6

The 6 refers to the commander in charge, so Household 6 is a joking way to say commander in charge of the household. As military spouses most of us are responsible for the household.

We know where everything is (my husband still has no idea where anything is in our kitchen). We keep up with the kids’ schedules and pay bills in addition to having careers of our own, so of course we are the commanders of the household.

What are some common military terms you have heard military spouses use?

Amanda Marksmeier is an Army wife and mother of four. She works as an employment specialist assisting the military community in achieving their career goals. Amanda is also a contributing writer for a quarterly employment journal and has written for several military affiliated blogs.

When Your Support Squad Moves Away

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I ran out of toilet paper. Actually, we didn’t have any toilet paper because we hadn’t even moved in yet. When I came knocking for a spare roll, she was happy to hand me one from her stash.

And then stepped in to help with child care duties when I got a stomach bug I just couldn’t shake.

When I was in the hospital for baby two, she was there again for sleepovers and dog walking.

For almost 18 months, we did everything together. Playdates and morning coffee and life.

Then the PCS orders came for her family, but not mine.

Now, my support squad is on another continent.

When Your Support Squad Moves Away From You

I tend to rely on just a few close friends at each duty station. When one of my besties moves away, there’s a big hole in my social and support networks.

When Your Support Squad PCSes, But You Don’t

Military spouses often build support networks with other spouses simply because it works the best in terms of stability. My kids’ school knows to call the emergency contacts right after they call me, just in case their dad is away.

Suddenly, I was adrift without my person. Yes, my spouse was still there with me, but he’s in and out for the most part.

My days were less full after she PCSed. No more morning spur-of-the-moment coffee dates or afternoons spent watching the kids play. I couldn’t run across the street for sugar or to grab dinner with when the guys were gone. She was a world away from me.

It’s OK to Grieve

Military spouses are used to change. It’s practically our middle name! Between deployments and PCSing and weird TDY schedules, our lives are in flux. But no matter where we live, we build our support networks to help keep our sanity.

When your friend PCSes while you stay behind, you’re losing a piece of your life. Things are going to change drastically, even though it seems like everything will be remaining the same.

It’s OK to grieve. Give yourself permission to feel sad, to withdraw or to be upset at the military powers that be.

Rebuild Your Network

I tend to rely on just a few close friends at each duty station. It’s easier for me to manage emotionally than a constantly rotating crew. When one of my besties moves away, there’s a big hole in my social and support networks.

Even though I’m missing my pal, I know that it’s important to keep in touch with the other folks in my circle. They might also be missing your PCSed friend too.

Reach out to your local friends and put some events on your calendars. Getting out there and connecting with friends can help you to feel better! Plus, you’ll remind yourself that your support network does still exist. You’ve got people to turn to where you are, even if you forgot about it for a minute.

If you’re truly flying solo, it’s time to make new connections. One great way to find new friends is to connect through your unit’s family readiness group or social activities. Find a group, like Stroller Warriors or religious study or PTO, to join. You’ll find like-minded individuals who might be looking for their “person” too!

Stay in Touch

Remember, your friend is still out there, even though you’re not co-located anymore. While they can’t handle daycare pickup or meet you for lunch, you can still find support from each other.

Our social media world offers us the chance to connect virtually around the world! Share photos, send messages and video chat as often as you can. You can still share a cup of tea over Skype or gripe about the latest visit from Deployment Murphy.

Old-fashioned snail mail is another great way to stay connected. Build care packages to send for special occasions or just whenever the mood strikes. Fill a box or big envelope with letters, local treats and thoughtful gifts that will bring a smile to your friend’s face.

Whenever possible arrange a visit to their new location. You’ll be able to score some amazing face time and explore a new place at the same time. You could make it a girls weekend and leave the kids at home. Or bring the whole family for a giant reunion!

It’s a Small Military

Depending on your branch of service or your spouse’s job, there is a strong chance that you might end up stationed together again!

Many military families keep rotating between the same few duty stations over the course of a career. While you may be separated now, you could end up just down the street or a town apart after the next move.

Even if you don’t end up neighbors quite so soon, you might find mutual friends after your next move. Building new friendships based on your older ones is a great way to expand your circle.

Do you have any tips for building a support network after a close friend moves away? Share your experiences in the comments!

5 Things to Consider When Making Your Duty Station Wish List

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How many times have you had to make your duty station wish list? I’d say for us that it’s too many to count, but I did count. This is my 17th house. How did that happen and where did the time go?

5 Things to Consider When Making Your Duty Station Wish List

PCS orders are always a gamble or perhaps it’s luck of the draw.

Our time at this house has just come to an end as well. I’ve always been up for adventure and loved moving. We’ve been here for three years now and I keep thinking it has to be time to go. I haven’t lived anywhere this long since I was a kid.

Whether it’s your first time making a duty station wish list or your twentieth, talking about the different options is sure to have you on the edge of your seat. You can request a specific location but don’t get your heart set on it.

It’s always a gamble or perhaps it’s luck of the draw.

Even if you are told you have PCS orders to one location, it can always change.

We just made our wish list and for a brief moment we had verbal orders to our first choice. Then my husband got promoted. That’s fantastic of course, but we lost our PCS orders. There wasn’t an opening at that location for his new rank. We got our second choice. Technically we still have verbal orders so until I see it in print, I’m not signing on the dotted line for a new home.

Have you made a duty station wish list and gotten your first pick?

Making a wish list is not universal across the branches.

For the most part though, you provide a list of your top three choices for your next duty station and a detailer tries to match what’s available. Some people merely fill out a paper, while others “have an in” with the detailer. They have been known to work a bit of magic to get desirable orders. Not everyone gets that chance though. Sometimes service members are given their choices and told to pick. The higher the rank, the fewer choices there are for the most part. That can be good.

I have mixed feelings about our choice. Part of me wants to go on another adventure, but then I also love that this location has so much to offer for families. As we have grown older and had children, our priorities have changed and what we look for when making our wish list has too. What things do you consider when making your wish list?

Here are five things to consider when making your duty station wish list:

Do you want to go somewhere new or are you trying to get back to a place you’ve already been? What was it about the previous duty station that makes you want to go back or what is it about the new place that makes you want to move there?

What is the work schedule like for your spouse? Will you see more of them in one location or will they be traveling more? A few of my friends moved overseas, which is exciting, but their spouses are constantly flying back to the United States for training.

For my family, at this duty station my husband works over an hour away but deploys every six months for six months. We don’t see much of him here and that’s why we live near the city instead of in the middle of nowhere where the military base is.

Is your job transferable? If you work, will you be able to transfer with the company? Consider certifications that might need to be renewed in certain locations as well. Are there job opportunities otherwise or will you not work?

What is family life like in that area? If you have children, what are the schools like? Are there many activities for families? Will the weather be agreeable for getting out of the house to play and sightsee?

Will there be family support? This could be from the family readiness group or family support office. Will there be base events or are there enlisted or officers spouses clubs? Consider groups out in town as well.

Making friends and having a support group is key to enjoying your duty station.

There are many things to consider when making your duty station wish list. No matter where you’re sent, it’s up to you to make the most of it. If you go with a positive outlook, make friends, learn about the area and get to know the place, you will be more likely to have a great experience.

Make your duty station wish list, but be open to a new adventure. Hopefully you’ll get your first pick, but if you don’t, that’s ok too.

How do you decide where to take PCS orders? What’s on your duty station wish list?

Readers: “DeCA Employees Didn’t Earned the Privilege”

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DeCA employees were extended the benefit of shopping at military commissaries starting on June 30, 2018. This policy change sparked some serious debate among our MilitaryShoppers community!

There were readers on both sides of the debate.

Some felt very strongly that allowing commissary employees to shop where they work was common sense.

Others disagreed, saying that commissary benefits are a privilege earned through service to our country.

What Our Readers Said About the Policy Change for DeCA Employees

Former service member and current DeCA employee, David Shingleton thought that the move was fair.

“I went to work at DeCA in 2016 and served over eight years in the military and I am 40% service connected disabled,” Shingleton said. “I think being able to shop will help with employee morale and give us a sense of ownership. Many of us at DeCA are veterans that wish we could shop before being allowed to do it as a DeCA employee.”

Shingleton pointed out that exchange employees already have this controversial benefit.

He also said that he wants greater access to those who have served in the military but don’t qualify for commissary privileges.

“Purple Heart recipients, as well as service-connected disabled veterans regardless of rating, should be allowed to shop at commissaries and exchanges,” he said. “Not all will (shop at the commissaries); if they don’t live near a base, it’s not like it will over-run the system and drive up costs like some say.”

George Page agreed with Shingleton. He offered a suggestion to those who disagree with the new policy.

“If you don’t want workers to have the same benefits then restrict the hiring to those that have the same privilege,” Page stated. “I’m an Army vet, 8.5 yrs (service), worked for DeCA off (and) on since the ’80s. Never got to shop there but rules (are) rules.”

Commissary Benefits Extended to DeCA Employees, Not Their Families or Commissary Baggers

There are nearly 14,000 commissary employees worldwide. Approximately 50% are already qualified to shop at the commissary as military dependents or retired service members. This new policy affects the remaining 7,000 civilian employees. It does not apply to baggers, who are technically not employed by DeCA and only work for cash tips.

This new benefit applies only to DeCA employees, not their spouses or children. When they are no longer DeCA employees, they will no longer be able to shop at the commissary.

You can read all the comments about this policy change here.

Commissary employees will only be able to purchase groceries. They are not able to purchase tobacco or other controlled substances. As wine and beer begin to be sold at commissaries in the next 90 days, these products will also be off-limits.

The rationale behind this policy change was to give commissary employees more ownership in the stores where they work. It was also a logistical decision.

They work at a grocery store all day, but get off work and need to drive to a different store to pick up milk or eggs.

Readers Support Extending Commissary Privileges to Purple Heart Recipients

Perhaps restricting commissary employment to eligible shoppers might be a common point of agreement. Another idea was that shopping privileges be extended based on length of service.

“I think it should still be an earned privilege; a reward for say three or five years of employment,” explained Teresa. “Most of our store workers are well over that anyway, but I think they would agree. I also think that those with a service-related disability should have full privilege. It’s not like they decided to just quit (the military). My own family was lucky. (M)y hubby was over 20 years when he was injured so he was medically retired instead of discharged.”

Most commenters felt that extending privileges to commissary employees was unfair. Many readers feel that commissary shopping benefits are earned and shouldn’t be granted to non-eligible commissary employees.

“The PX and commissary privileges are just that. A privilege earned by service in the military,” James said. “It should be by, for, and exclusively military. By adding yet another group we are diluting this privilege.”

“If said employee has not earned that right to shop at the commissary, it should not be given,” said Karin. “It is a privilege, whether I earned it or I’m a dependent.”

Karin also suggested that disabled veterans and certain other groups should be granted access as a result of honorable military service.

“Purple Heart recipients and disabled veterans, sure,” she said. “They have earned it, some by barely escaping that ultimate sacrifice.”

Do you agree with these commissary shoppers saying DeCA employees haven’t earned the privilege to shop where they work? We would love to hear your opinion. Please share it in the comments section.

Deployment Is a Great Time for a Healthy Change

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by Amanda Marksmeier, Guest Contributor

No one wants to get the news a loved one is deploying. While it might be tempting to press the pause button on your life, instead press the reset button.

Deployments are the perfect excuse to reset and refocus on your health.

Everyone wants to know how to make deployment go by quickly. Our instinct is to rush through unpleasant times and circumstances. Instead of looking at a deployment as something to blitz through, use deployments as a time to set and achieve personal goals.

Deployment Is a Great Time for a Healthy Change

Whether it is incorporating meatless Mondays or taking a paddleboard yoga class I thoughtfully use deployments as a way to participate in activities which will improve my life, mind and body.

Goals Keep You Focused and Achievement Keeps You Going

I will be the first to admit, setting goals can be challenging.

If your goals are too low, you will get bored.

If they are too high, you’ll get discouraged.

What do you want to accomplish while your spouse is away? Want to form better eating habits, find balance or start exercising?

Whatever you choose, commitment to it. Decide what you need to do to achieve your goals and start preparing prior to deployment. Schedule time in your calendar to focus on your goals.

Your health is just as important as FRG coffees.

Once you have established your goals, write them down. Put them in plain sight where you will see them daily. Hang your goals on your refrigerator or bathroom mirror. They will serve as a constant reminder and motivate you to keep going.

Set Realistic Goals

Saying “I want to lose 50 pounds in a month” is not only unrealistic, it is unhealthy. If your deployment goal is to lose weight talk with your health care provider and decide what is a reasonably goal.

Losing weight is like a marathon. Pace yourself and take it one day at a time.

Don’t Stay Busy, Stay Active

The thought of working out can be intimidating and exhausting, particularly if you haven’t done it in a long time. Don’t overthink it. Any movement is a step in the right direction.

If you don’t enjoy running, don’t sign up for a marathon. You’ll hate preparing for it and it will be so much easier to quit.

Find something you enjoy and start moving.

Related: How Does Tricare Work When You ‘Move Home’ for the Deployment?

Love dancing? Try a Zumba class. You can show off your mad dance skills while burning a ton of calories.

Searching for balance? Yoga can help you breathe and stretch until you find inner peace.

Frustrated over the deployment? Boxing classes are a great way to get cardio in and frustrations out.

Whatever you choose to do mark it on your calendar, invite friends to join you and get moving.

You Are Not Alone

Human beings are not meant to go through life alone. We survive and thrive in community settings.

Build a community with people who share similar interests and goals. Befriend your neighbors, parents at your child’s school or military spouses in your unit.

You will need these friendships to get through this deployment.

Be Healthy Together

Once you have established your community start scheduling healthy meals and workout dates. Find buddies who will be motivating and keep you accountable.

When we were stationed in Georgia a neighbor and dear friend used to come get me for daily walks. She didn’t give me the opportunity to say no.

Another dear friend in Tennessee would sign us up for crazy exercise classes.

I love both these women because they kept me motivated and made me accountable. I needed to be strong-armed into exercising. My friends knew this and complied.

It doesn’t matter whether you are the one motivating or the one that needs motivation, the important thing is to find accountability partners who will accomplish deployment goals with you.

Deployments can be lonely and draining especially if you only view it as a time away from your spouse. Don’t dwell on the separation.

Think of deployments as a time to focus on yourself and your goals.

If you change your focus it will change your outlook on the situation. When my husband drops the deployment news I get a bit excited thinking about the things I want to achieve while he is gone.

Whether it is incorporating meatless Mondays or taking a paddleboard yoga class I thoughtfully use this time to do activities which will improve my life, mind and body.

How will you use the next deployment to make healthy lifestyle changes?

Amanda Marksmeier is an Army wife and mother of four. She works as an employment specialist assisting the military community in achieving their career goals. Amanda is also a contributing writer for a quarterly employment journal and has written for several military affiliated blogs.