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5 Tips for Throwing a ‘We’re Moving Overseas’ Party

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Fair winds and following seas. May the road rise to meet you. Sayonara. Adios.

You’re moving overseas and you are probably in full-on packing and panic mode right now. Before you go, take some time to bid adieu to your friends and family stateside.

 5 Tips for Throwing a “We’re Moving Overseas” Party

The last thing you need in the middle of your current crazy is a lot of work. Instead, follow these 5 simple tips for a great farewell bash that might just make your move slightly easier! Plus, you’ll enjoy a memorable night with your friends and moments you’ll remember for a lifetime.

 5 Tips for Throwing a "We're Moving Overseas" Party

It makes sense to combine your PCS-specific tasks into a celebration with friends! The giving away of things during a PCS is a time-honored military family tradition.

Pick a Theme

Keep your party’s theme super simple: here or there.

For “here” parties, stick to things that are classically American or that you can’t get at your next duty station. Ask friends to bring classic side dishes and grill out. Decorate with an Americana theme in red, white and blue. Or pay homage to the things you’ll miss the most, like Target or Dunkin’ Donuts. You know, the essentials of life.

If you’re going with a “there” theme, make everything about your next duty station. Going to Germany? Pick an Oktoberfest theme with beer and brats, even if it’s June. Headed to Japan or Korea? Decorate with pink cherry blossoms and serve lots of noodles and green tea.

Either way, don’t buy a ton of decorations. You’re packing up your whole house, remember? If you don’t have anything that fits a “theme,” put up your holiday lights around the yard, patio, balcony or inside your house.

Set Your Menu

Use this farewell party as an opportunity to clean out your pantry. Put your non-perishable food on the counter. Try to match recipes with what you already have on hand. The goal is to buy as little additional food as possible while using up a good portion of the things in your pantry.

If you think that this might make for some interesting cuisine, you’re right! A 2012 PCS party did, in fact, lead to the creation of cranberry-creamed corn-stuffing balls with a light honey dijon mustard dipping sauce. They were shockingly delicious.

Once you’ve decided on what you’re making, invite your guests to contribute dishes as well. Chances are they’ll bring less inventive food.

Open Bar & BYOB

You can’t take open bottles of booze with you. It seems to be frowned upon. Something about leaking and damage.

Since you can’t take your liquor with you to your next military installation, mix cocktails using whatever you’ve got on hand at your “We’re Moving Overseas” party. Add a blender and frozen fruit for experimental margaritas and daiquiris. Again, the goal is to whittle your stash down to almost nothing.

If your guests want to contribute to the communal beverages or keep something more mainstream for themselves, encourage BYOB.

For the kids, mix up lemonade or serve juice boxes. If you have a lot of fresh or frozen fruit, DIY smoothies are always fun! Just make sure you clearly label the adult beverages.

Activities & Games

Use this party as an opportunity to clear out your closets!

For the kids, pull out every already opened arts and crafts kit you have on hand. Set out coloring books, crayons, markers, stickers and drawing paper at one station. Make a sidewalk chalk station or a painting station, too. Encourage your younger guests to use up everything.

You could also set out water guns, kiddie pools or water games you have on hand.

While the adults might be content to kick back with food and drink, you could also set out lawn games or card games.

Every Party Needs Favors

The giving away of things during a PCS is a time-honored military family tradition. Let your guests know to come with a few sturdy boxes.

Go through the house before the party and collect everything that the movers won’t or can’t pack. This is usually opened non-perishable foods, cleaning supplies, and other liquids. To that, add any clothes, furniture, toys or decor items that you don’t want to store or bring with you.

Sort everything by type and keep your “favors” in one area of the party space. Let your friends know that they should feel free to grab anything that strikes their fancy.

Anything left after the party can be trashed (if in poor/opened condition), donated (good/unopened) or gifted to friends in the last hours of your move. Just be sure to keep something for that final cleanup before housing inspection!

Celebrate Your Overseas Move with Fun and Humor

Yes, some of these tips might be a little tongue in cheek. However, using up pantry items, finishing off opened art or cleaning supplies and giving things away is the reality for PCSing military families.

It makes good sense to combine all these PCS-specific tasks into a big celebration with friends! Also, I’m betting that more than a few military friends have already attended or hosted a similar party before.

At the end of the day, your “we’re moving overseas” party will be remembered for good times spent with friends. Whether you serve a stuffing ball creation is totally your call.

How do you say goodbye to your friends before an overseas move? Tell us in the comments section.

How to Prevent Conflict When Your In-Laws Visit You

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Many military couples host their in-laws, friends and extended family members during the summer months. Afterall, what’s the point of being stationed in Hawaii, if your house doesn’t become a revolving door for cousins who want to spend time with you, but also enjoy having you as their tour guide and your house as a free hotel room. You are happy to host them as your guests until you realize you are spending way more money on groceries when they are staying with you.

How to Prevent Conflict When Your In-Laws Visit You

Are hosting guests a financial strain on your budget? Can you ask your parents to buy the groceries when they are staying with you? Will your father-in-law watch your kids for date night?

What happens where you as the host feel like you can’t afford (or don’t want) to pay the costs associated with guests. This conflict over who pays seems like a source of unspoken frustration among military spouses.

A military spouse posted this question in a Facebook group:

When your relatives come to visit you, who pays for stuff? You or them? Can you ask them to help out around the house when they are staying with you?

Some military spouses responded saying they believe that guests shouldn’t pay or chip in with housework, ever. Your guests are on vacation and might have dropped serious cash to get there. The hosts should pick up the tab along with the extra work.

Others were firmly on the opposite end of the spectrum. Visitors are getting free lodging so assisting with cooking, cleaning, child care or groceries is a fair trade.

Most military spouses agreed that every situation is unique. Cost of travel and budget were factors that everyone considered. Others talked about the frequency of visits and reciprocity of the expectations when the host/guest roles are reversed.

Where is the disconnect?

Almost everyone agreed that family visits can be a huge source of conflict, especially when the in-laws are involved.

The heart of these might be a lack of shared cultural, familial history. It could be that your mother-in-law comes from a family where hosts have historically paid for everything. Maybe this is how it worked with her own mother-in-law!

When the visit or your guest’s expectations don’t go as you thought, it can cause frustration. Over time, with visit after visit, the frustration turns to anger which turns to resentment.

How can you prevent family vacation conflicts?

It all comes down to communication! If things are going well, you’re probably on the same wavelength. When you’re feeling frustrated during a family visit, it’s time to have a friendly sit-down.

First, decide what you are comfortable doing as a host. What makes you frustrated or upset? Is it having to do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping and paying? Are you comfortable with splitting things in different ways? What do you want your guests to help, or not help, with?

Be very clear with yourself and your spouse. Knowing where you are willing to compromise is just as important as your hard limits.

Solve family visit conflicts

Start neutrally:

“What do you want to do tomorrow?”

Share a few different activities that everyone can enjoy and bring out brochures. Talk about price and ask if this activity is in their budget. You could do this with any part of your trip from tourist attractions to meal planning to paying for gas.

Sit down with your visitors to plot out the events and meals that will happen during the vacation. Ask about which activities fit their budget. Share unique eating experiences in your area at a variety of price points and ask which ones they think will best suit them. Invite them to go grocery shopping with you.

For slightly more complicated situations, you might need to be more to the point. Request politely and kindly that your guest helps you.

You could try:

  • While I cook the main course, could you prep the salad?
  • Please feel free to bring your favorite drinks with you, as we mostly drink water.
  • Would you be able to step in with the kids while I (go for a run, head to the store, do this chore)?

Another route is giving praise for desired actions:

  • Thanks so much for putting on the coffee! I so appreciate having hot coffee when I woke up today!
  • The kids love spending time with you, especially since we live so far apart. I know they’re over the moon to just be with you!
  • You make such good (food item)! We’d love to share this special meal with you! Could we make it together?
  • It’s so nice to have your help (sorting the laundry, emptying the dishwasher, walking the dog)! Thanks!

Often it could just take a nudge or gentle push to move your guests to help you, if that’s what you want.

What happens in a stand-off?

You might find yourself between a rock and a hard place. You’re super uncomfortable in your own home and stretched beyond your limits.

The first conversation should be with your spouse. Decompress and share your frustrations with him or her. Explain what would make this visit better or at least slightly easier. Then create a plan of action to find a solution. You and your spouse should take this on as a team.

If your conflict is with a member of your own family, you should handle it. For in-law issues, your spouse should take the lead. Yes, these conversations will be awkward and uncomfortable, but they need to happen. Not talking about it is a recipe for more anger and resentment in the future.

Start small and use lots of “I feel” statements.

“I feel very tired after working all day and taking care of the kids. It’s overwhelming for me to cook dinner by myself for everyone every night.”

Talk about the good points of the visit, too. Share fun experiences that you’ve done together or how much their visit means to your kids. Then make your big ask. What is it that would make the visit more enjoyable for you as the host?

“I love spending time with you, but doing all the cooking and then all the cleaning makes it hard to do that. Would you be willing to dry if I wash?”

If your concern is financial, be upfront about that, too.

“We love going to all these great places, but we are really watching our bottom line right now. We cannot afford to pay for everyone in our group to go. Can we find another solution?”

Your guests might be genuinely surprised to hear your frustrations!

While it might be really uncomfortable, you could find solutions that work for everyone. Even if things aren’t 100% better, at the very least, you’ve shared your feelings.

If things remain at a stand-off, consider ways to meet on neutral territory. You could pick a location in the middle where you can both stay in hotels or shorten their visits, if possible.

How do you have handled host/guest conflicts? Share your best tips in the comments!

How to Help Your Service Member, Friends Suffering with PTSD

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PTSD or post-traumatic stress disorder is a mental health problem that we as military spouses, family members and veterans face all too often. It could be a loved one, a friend or a colleague that suffers from PTSD.

Many people don’t understand PTSD and they don’t know how to help their service member or friend who is suffering from it. That’s why it’s important to make yourself familiar with this disorder. The more you learn about it, the more you will understand what they are going through and thus the better you’ll be able to help them.

How to Help Your Service Member, Friends Suffering with PTSD

Many service members are afraid of the stigma that comes with PTSD but it can happen to anyone and it is not a sign of weakness.

I know quite a few friends that suffer from PTSD. You probably do too and you might not even know it.

PTSD is a mental health problem that anyone can have following a life-threatening event. This could include experiencing or seeing a traumatic event such as sexual assault, a car accident, a natural disaster or more prominently for military service members, combat.

Some people are very good at hiding how they feel. They don’t want to talk about it. They pull away from friends and family and become isolated. They may not enjoy things that they use to. They may become angry easily or when a trigger occurs that reminds them of the traumatic experience.

As a friend or family member, you can help them understand PTSD and get help for the mental health disorder. Many service members are afraid of the stigma that comes with PTSD but it can happen to anyone and it is not a sign of weakness. The statistics are staggering.

  • 7 to 8 out of every 100 people will develop PTSD in their lifetime
  • 8 million adults suffer from PTSD in a given year
  • Roughly 10 out of 100 women will have PTSD at some point whereas 4 out of every 100 men will experience it

One thing that can make PTSD more likely is stress. Support from friends and family members can reduce the chances of someone developing PTSD.

There are four types of PTSD symptoms that you should be on the lookout for if you think that a loved one might be suffering from PTSD. Many relive the event, in which case you might notice they have nightmares or flashbacks of the event. They may avoid situations that make them recall the experience. They may act amped-up or they might become negative in how they feel toward people or events. If you feel that someone you know is showing these signs, be prepared to help them.

Here are a few ways that you can help them cope with PTSD:

  • Read about PTSD so that you will understand what they are going through.
  • Offer a shoulder to cry on and listen to what they have to say. Do not interrupt them or offer a solution to their problem. Do not blame them or use accusing words. Just listen and if they don’t want to talk, tell them that is ok too.
  • Suggest seeking help from a doctor and offer to go with them. There are two ways to treat PTSD: talking to a counselor or medication.
  • Plan activities to do with friends or family. Incorporate exercise into a daily routine. Having a purpose and close friends and family that support them can be beneficial.

If you suffer from PTSD, know that you do not have to face it alone. There are people that love you and want to help you. If you don’t want to talk to them, there are ways to seek out help.

  • Call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
  • Contact the Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255, press 1 (text 838255) or use the Confidential Veterans Chat to speak with a counselor

What are your suggestions for helping a friend or spouse suffering with PTSD?

Commissaries and Exchanges Start Linking Promotions, Sales

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DeCA and AAFES are working together to maximize their reach by linking their promotions and sales during April.

One hundred qualified patrons will win $300 in free groceries from their on-base commissaries. Altogether $30,000 in gift cards will be given away to commissary and exchange patrons during these promotions.

Joint Promotions Benefit AAFES, DeCA Patrons

This decision to link promotions between the commissaries and exchanges, including online exchange sites, follows an earlier move that allows Military Star Card members to use this card in either location. Prior to this, patrons could not use their Military Star Card at the commissary.

In order to enter the Fill Your Fridge Sweepstakes, patrons must make 2 purchases each at the exchange and commissary between April 1 and April 30. This contest is open to Military Star Card users worldwide. Shoppers can make qualifying purchases at Army and Air Force, Navy, Marine Corps and Coast Guard exchanges; ShopMyExchange.com; MyNavyExchange.com; ShopCGX.com; exchange concessionaires and the commissary.

This promotion makes the connection between quality nutrition and scholastic success for military children.

“Nutrition is foundational to military children’s educational success, and $300 in free groceries from your local commissary would certainly help build on that foundation,” said Air Force Chief Master Sgt. Luis Reyes, exchange senior enlisted advisor, in a press release. “We are honored to partner with the commissary to recognize the contributions of military kids worldwide with this sweepstakes.”

The Fill Your Fridge Sweepstakes is being held in conjunction with the Month of the Military Child. This annual event held during April honors the sacrifices of military children.

Military exchanges support military children year round through their You Made the Grade program. Military children receive a coupon booklet in exchange for an overall “B” average on their report card.

AAFES and DeCA Support the Month of the Military Child

In further support of the Month of the Military Child, there are additional events and promotions at both exchanges and commissaries on military bases around the world.

A coloring contest will be held at participating commissaries throughout the month of April. Patrons can inquire at their local commissary for more information about this contest.

There are also several ongoing sweepstakes beyond Fill Your Fridge. Exchange patrons can enter for these sweepstakes by logging into their ShopMyExchange account. Prizes include toys, backpacks and exchange gift cards.

Additionally, military children 18 years old and younger, can earn a free snack at select military exchange food courts. On April 18, military children should wear purple to their military exchange food court to qualify for a free treat. This could include side item, fountain beverage or dessert.

More Cross Promotions in the Future

Working together, DeCA and AAFES have the potential to increase the benefit to their customers. Through the Military Star Card connected Fill Your Fridge Sweepstakes, patrons have the chance to win nutritional food. The additional sweepstakes for toys, backpacks, and gift cards offers patrons an additional way to show support for military children this month. Military children can also earn rewards for good grades year round!

AAFES and DeCA’s new cross-promotions show support for military children. In addition, expanding options for patrons to use Military Star cards at both locations increases the shopping options on base.

Exchange and commissary patrons should anticipate further collaborative promotions and sales.

What do you think of the collaboration between the commissaries (DeCA) and the exchanges (AAFES) for the Month of the Military Child?

Is a ‘Deploy or Get Out’ Rule Fair for Our Service Members?

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Secretary of Defense James Mattis instituted a new retention rule for troops. Now service members must be deployable or in his words, “get out.”

Mattis feels that too many are carrying the load for all, with about 11% of all current troops on active duty, in the Reserves or in the National Guard classified as non-deployable. That amounts to 235,000 individuals out of the 2.1 million total troop force.

The thought behind this new rule is for the good of the military family. Mattis, rightly, remarks that “we may enlist soldiers, but we reenlist families.”

Is a 'Deploy or Get Out' Rule Fair for Our Service Members?

We expect our teachers to stay up to date with the best classroom practices. We expect our lawyers to know about new laws. We expect our service members to be ready and willing to deploy.

High Tempo Missions

Mattis is right: too many of the same service members have been deployed over and over again for the last 17 years. I’ve seen more friends and neighbors pull almost back-to-back deployments than I care to count.

This high operational tempo leads to burnout for troops and families. It’s hard to stay motivated with a “go team” mentality when your group is always doing the grunt work. Even when often deployed troops are home, it can be hard to settle into family life. Disconnecting from the mission and rejoining a different pace of life can be a struggle.

Military spouses and children feel the burn too. Too many families have almost become single parent homes due to the frequent absence of one parent. Military spouses of deployed troops feel constantly on edge, just waiting for that knock. The mental load is heavy and all too real.

It’s only right to equally spread the burden among all service members. Part of doing your job means being able to fulfill all portions of that position. Military troops must be ready to deploy in support of the mission. It’s simply not fair to rely on the same people over and over again.

Deployable, Not Deployed

At this juncture, I feel it’s important to note one key phrase in Mattis’ rule. He states that troops who have been non-deployable for 12 or more months must separate. He does not expressly state that all troops must actively deploy within the same time frame.

This is an important difference.

Not all positions require the same tempo of deployments. Each military job is very specific about the requirements needed and the potential operational tempo. An infantryman is likely to face a different deployment schedule and mission than a doctor or a pilot or a mechanic.

What Mattis is asking for is simply that troops remain at the ready. I think that this is reasonable. We expect our teachers to stay up to date with the best classroom practices. We expect our lawyers to know about new laws.

Military troops should put their checks in their deployment boxes.

This means maintaining an acceptable level of physical fitness, ensuring that medical and dental exams are complete and continuing to develop in their assigned billet. None of this seems out of order.

For troops that are non-deployable due to their own lack of follow-through, like missing vaccinations or poor PT scores, they should be asked to leave. Part of the job is being mission ready and they were unable to meet that requirement. It shows a lack of commitment.

Of course, this assumes that these services are readily available both physically and in actuality. Appointments for medical and dental care are often hard to come by. Individuals should need to show their good faith efforts to complete their duty before being asked to leave.

Not Considerate Enough

There are exceptions for troops who are injured in the line of duty or in the field. Mattis has given assurances that troops who meet this requirement will be given alternate assignments and retained. This is only fair. It shows a willingness to support those who have suffered a workplace injury. This caveat helps to reenlist families.

What doesn’t help to reenlist families is the lack of guidance regarding pregnancy and the postpartum period. Female service members are likely to be non-deployable for at least 40 weeks when you account for pregnancy alone. If we consider the time needed to recover from childbirth, that puts most women over the 52-week mark.

Is Mattis suggesting that women, who have recently given birth, be asked to leave the military?

This doesn’t seem right and certainly doesn’t support military families. Studies vary, but several have found that full recovery postpartum takes longer than the typical maternity leave of 12 weeks. Asking a new mom to leave her place of employment due to childbirth seems cruel and unusual.

There needs to be additional guidance regarding pregnancy and childbirth. Reasonable and medically sound timelines for a return to full duty should be implemented and explained.

Family Friendly Rule

While this rule is still in its infancy, the intention is good. Spreading the workload by ensuring a highly deployable force is fair. It removes an undue burden from troops who have faced repeat deployments as a result of others in non-deployment status. It also forces troops to take their deployment status seriously.

Some specifics need to be clarified and it is really too soon to say just how this rule will actually impact deployments. But on its face, it seems like a good way to clean up the Armed Forces and ensure that we are ready to face today’s challenges.

What do you think of the new “deploy or get out” rule?

How POTUS’ Food Stamp Plan Will Impact Military Families

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When you consider that the United States is one of the world’s wealthiest counties, it is disheartening to hear that 1 in 6 Americans don’t have enough food to eat. Many of those struggling with hunger are children and many are part of military families.

POTUS' Food Stamp Plan Will Impact Military Families

Do you use food stamps or have you in the past?

In a 2015 report, an estimated $80 million dollars’ worth of food was purchased in military commissaries using the Supplemental Nutritional Assistance Program (SNAP). This number doesn’t include military families who use other programs like Women, Infant, and Children (WIC) or who don’t shop at the commissary.

So proposed changes to the SNAP program will have a profound impact on military families.

As part of the 2019 budget request, the Trump administration has proposed a dramatic change to the food stamp program. The proposed change includes a reduction in “cash” benefits by half for anyone receiving $90 or more per month. Instead, SNAP cash benefits will be supplemented with a “Blue Apron-type” box filled with shelf-stable foods like canned fruits and vegetables, peanut butter, cereals, pasta, butter and beans. These boxes, called “America’s Harvest Boxes,” will supposedly save over $129 million dollars over the course of the next 10 years.

The fact that there are military families in need of assistance is an issue for another day, but let’s discuss these food boxes.

It’s an Interesting Idea

There is a part of me that thinks that these boxes could work. I mean, buying in bulk almost always drives down the cost. If the government is using its buying power to get great pricing on products, then I can see the merit. Especially, if that buying power is being used to buy all of the things that are often out of reach, like fresh fruits and vegetables, or gluten-free or organic items.

Except, that these boxes won’t include those items.

Staples like peanut butter, pasta, even canned fruits and vegetables aren’t inherently bad, but the best nutrients and the healthiest of diets, don’t often include many things out of a can.

What about those families who have a child allergic to peanut butter? Or who need gluten-free pasta? Or who need their food to be kosher? What if a family buys from a food bank program or farming cooperative and can actually stretch their SNAP funds further than the box provides?

The argument can be made that beggars can’t be choosers, but the families on SNAP and WIC aren’t exactly beggars. They are often young families or those impacted by loss of employment.

Shouldn’t families be allowed to select the food they know their family will eat?

Should they be forced to eat what the government says they should?

I find this incredibly ironic, considering how adamant this same administration has been in dismantling the school lunch program put in place by the previous administration that was designed to get kids to eat a government mandated balanced meal.

What About Distribution?

If you read through the proposed box system, you’ll notice the distribution of these boxes has been left to the states to figure out. They can “distribute these boxes through existing infrastructure, partnerships, and/or directly to residences through commercial and/or retail delivery services.”

Really?

Current food stamp infrastructure most often includes direct deposit of money to a SNAP food card, which can be used like a debit card to pay for groceries. Kind of hard to “distribute” boxes in that same way. And I find it hard to believe that door-to-door delivery is a) efficient and b) actually going to save money.

Instead, it will likely require recipients to travel to a distribution center. Taking hours away from the work day and potentially adding the cost of transportation to an already tight federal budget.

Better Options

Call me an optimist, but I think if we really wanted to conquer hunger, there are better ways to do it. Some states have started edible food forests to help produce food for needy families. Some cities are seeing a growth in urban farming, cutting down on distribution time and costs, and there are plenty of non-profit farms working to add fresh fruits and vegetables to the diets of our poorest Americans.

I’d much rather see our government working to support these ideas instead of boxing up cans of corn and jars of peanut butter.

For our military families, this is yet another reason why we have to keep our commissaries open. How many more military families will find themselves simply unable to buy the things they need if the savings offered on base are taken away?

Do you use food stamps or have you in the past? What do you think of the proposed changes to food stamps?

4 Problems Military Children Face That Are Rarely Talked About

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Shining eyes and happy smiles. This is how the public often sees military children. These joyful homecoming images are broadcast on the news, shared on social media and printed in newspapers and magazines.

While everything seems wonderful and picture-perfect, many military children face hidden struggles behind the scenes.

4 Problems Military Children Face That Aren’t Talked About

Anxiety and Separation Fears

Over the last 15 years, deployment and operational tempos have been high. This means that for many military children, mom, dad or both parents have been frequently away from home.

Forward deployed troops have been in active combat zones, taking fire. Even at home, accidents happen during TDY, TAD or routine training exercises.

All of these separations and “what if” situations take a heavy toll on military children. Often these stressors can show up in behavioral, emotional and academic changes.

4 Problems Military Children Face That Are Rarely Talked About

While everything seems wonderful and picture-perfect, many military children face personal struggles.

Children might act out at school, home or both. They could show unusual aggression or attention-seeking behaviors. Some children withdraw or become distant from friends, teachers and family members. Still other children become noticeably upset when their parent leaves, even for short periods, or when there are unexpected changes, like a substitute teacher at school. Grades might decline too.

All of these reactions are common and can coexist.

Solutions:

If you or a teacher notices a significant difference in your child’s emotions, behaviors or academic performance, take notice. Acting sooner rather than later can make all the difference.

A great first step is to reach out to the Military Family Life Counselor on your base or the school’s counselor. Set up a meeting to share your concerns with them and give permission for them to engage with your child. After speaking with your child, they might be able to offer options for ongoing solutions or care.

Another great step is to connect with Military One Source. They offer free, confidential help on the phone and through referrals to providers near you. You might be able to access mental health care and solutions quickly with this resource.

Next, reach out to your child’s school and teachers. Explain your concerns and ask to develop a plan together to help address the changes in your child.

It’s important to approach this as a team, with mental health providers, school and home working together to help your child get back on track.

Gaps in Learning

On average, military children move 6 to 9 times during their K-12 school years. Every time a military family moves, they must adjust to a new set of state learning standards and expectations. Even if a child is able to stay within the DoDEA system, there might still be small gaps in knowledge.

With each move, military children miss several weeks of class time. All that absent time can add up, with missing information about fractions here or confusion about phonics there.

Solutions:

Working with a tutor, either in person or online, is a great way for military families to help close those academic gaps. Tutor.com offers free online tutoring for military families.

Additionally, many military spouses are credentialed teachers. Often these education professionals offer reasonably priced tutoring and have a good understanding of what military children need.

School Transferring Issues

For students in high school, a PCS can spell disaster for their academic ranking, graduation timeline or transcript. Too often there is confusion about which courses are required at different schools or how GPAs are calculated. While schools are supposed to make good faith efforts to ensure on-time graduation, there can still be issues.

Students who have IEPs and 504 Plan, as well as those qualified for Gifted and Talented Education, also face issues when they PCS.

There are no federal protections and only limited state guidelines for students identified as Gifted and Talented. This means that a student could qualify in School A, but be dropped from the program in School B.

IEPs and 504 Plans are federally protected education plans that must be followed with fidelity. Even during a PCS, plans are supposed to be followed as closely as possible. However, different states have varying qualification and classification standards, as well as different resources available. IEPs and 504 Plans can look very different school to school, and state to state.

Plus, for all of these different education plans, the school has the right to re-evaluate students to determine eligibility.

Solutions:

Before you move, connect with your next school and coordinate transferring documents from the old school. Let the new school know about any special circumstances or educational needs your child might have.

As you’re transferring, connect with the School Liaison Officer (SLO) at your next base. They can often assist with transferring everything that your child needs. They should be able to assist you with using MIC3, an agreement designed to assist military children moving between states.

If you get stuck or have concerns, you might need more help than the SLO can provide or that you can’t navigate solo. At that point, it’s time to consider hiring a professional education advocate. There are several advocates in our community that specialize in assisting military families and/or work remotely.

Caring for Injured Parents

All too often, parents return from deployment with physical or mental injuries. These injuries might be very visible or they could be hidden and undiagnosed. Either way, military children are involved in the daily care of that parent and must cope with life changes.

There are many changes to family dynamics and behaviors when a parent returns with hidden or visible injuries. Too often children are shouldering a larger share of adult responsibility at home.

The stressors are similar to experiencing anxiety or stress due to deployments or separations. The symptoms of a child who is overwhelmed with coping with life changes due to their parent’s injuries might be the same as well.

Solutions:

If your family is experiencing changes due to your service member’s injury, it’s important to reach out for help. The Elizabeth Dole Foundation offers resources and connections to help caregivers and families of wounded warriors.

Asking for assistance from other families members, friends or the community is important. It may feel hard, but building a strong team is important for everyone’s long-term success and well being.

Finally, beginning individual and family counseling can be beneficial. You can find a provider through a referral from your doctor or through Military One Source’s resources.

What problems do you think military children face?

(Full disclosure: Meg Flanagan operates MilKids Ed, an education advocacy service and blog for military families.)

What I Wish I Could Change About Military Life

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Mostly, I love the military life I live. Exciting duty stations are possible every 3 years. The military community is strong and supportive. Plus, this life has given me the change to pursue a passion for writing and education advocacy.

Need I even mention the chance to play Cinderella at least once a year? Those dress blues still make my heart flutter after almost a decade.

Still, though, there are things I wish I could change. I believe that these changes would, largely, benefit the entire military community.

What I Wish I Could Change About Military Life

What do you wish you could change about your military life?

What I Wish I Could Change About Military Life

Tour Time

In some places, it just seems too short. In others, too long. I understand that there will never be a happy medium that fits every location or situation, but something needs to give. Generally, I think that longer tours at most CONUS posts would benefit the troops and their dependents.

When military families are required to move, on average, every 2.5 years, it creates ripple effects for the whole family. Personally, I’ve changed my career in major ways due to our PCS tempo.

By the time I arrive at a duty station, get licensed to teach and find a position, it’s practically time to move again!

I have not ever taught anywhere for longer than 2 consecutive school years. Even the one time I made that happen, it was broken up due to pregnancy and maternity leave.

For children, moving so often can cause stress and distress at school. Military children are perpetually the “new kid” at school. By the time they make friends and settle into a routine, it’s time to pack their things and hit the road. Every 3 years or so, everything starts from scratch at the new school. Education plans, athletic pursuits and extracurricular activities are interrupted, changed or dropped due to frequent moves.

For troops, becoming an expert in one job in one location doesn’t seem like a bad thing either. Especially for positions that interact with the public or those carrying out sensitive operations, tenure might be a great thing. I understand the military wants troops to experience their career field from different angles and deploy with different units. However, it seems like service members are PCSed just as they are gaining total expertise in a field or becoming the go-to person in a shop. Just when you need the expert the most, you swap that person out for someone just learning the ropes. This isn’t helpful to anyone!

It seems to me that extending tour times would benefit troops and their families with additional stability at work and home. Military spouses could build solid careers or employment history. Children could at least attend one school level in just a single place. Troops could become develop their expertise and level up their position.

Hurry Up and Wait

I understand the need for secrecy and security. After all, this is our nation’s defense system we are talking about. But some things are just plain silly.

For example, board results and orders.

Troops submit their packages, which are reviewed and recommended (or not) to whatever board(s) that individual is eligible for. That board meets, discusses the service members presented to them, and makes decisions: promote or not; career field school or not; PCS or PCA or not.

And then everyone waits for weeks or months on end.

Why?

I can understand the issues perhaps a decade or more ago. Communicating all of these selections and coordinating placements took time. Today we probably have an app for that or at least a very large spreadsheet. There surely must be a more timely and efficient way to coordinate board result announcements.

The wait is stressful. It’s filled with anxiety about “what if’s.” Or a service member is fully confident in positive news, only to have a devastating blow delivered.

Then there are the PCS orders. I get that the needs of the military come first. But could they arrive in a more timely fashion? There are only so many individuals in a service in each career field, and there are only so many open positions available. Why is there such a song and dance routine about where people will go to next?

Am I the Only One?

Which brings me to my last beef: OCONUS PCSing in general.

I need this question answered: Am I the very first person to move OCONUS with a small child and a dog?

No really. I’m not joking.

Based on how my last PCS was handled, it would appear that my family was the very first ever to attempt such a move. Nothing happened in a timely fashion, every little thing was an issue and there was so much miscommunication that I still can’t tell what was actually true.

Additionally, from the chatter on military spouse Facebook pages, it seems as if we are not, in fact, the first to attempt this move. However, it would seem that the folks in charge of PCSing forget how to do these things or communicate the SOP to troops or dependents.

Everyone is confused, upset and anxious because no one knows what is going on. Ever. We can’t get straight answers or seek advice from others because every single service and duty station operates differently.

Get. It. Together.

Create one streamlined way for everyone to move to a given destination, especially for OCONUS PCS moves. Make a fun and informative manual and distribute it widely. Then be done.

Maybe if the folks in charge of facilitating the moving process weren’t moving every few years, everything would run smoother.

Now it’s your turn: what do you wish you could change about your military life?

Military Discounts to Use When Visiting State Parks

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When most of us think about the great outdoors, we immediately think of camping, hiking, hunting and maybe even whitewater rafting.

One of the best places to do all of these great outdoorsy things is at national parks, but what if you don’t want to trek all the way to a national park? While places like the Grand Canyon and Yellowstone are worth the hike, chances are you don’t have to take a road trip to explore all of the wonders that mother nature has to offer.

Your next great camping trip might just be up the road at any one of the more than 10,000 state parks.

Every state in the union, from Florida to Alaska and Maine to Hawaii has their fair share of gorgeous state parks. Encompassing more than 18 million acres, state parks have something to offer everyone. Whether you’re a ski fanatic, a hobby fisherman or just want to find a quiet place to commune with nature, chances there’s a state park that offers the perfect day off.

And many state parks offer military and veteran discounts.

Most state parks offer day and annual passes, as well as licenses for fishing, hunting and boating. Some require special passes depending on the activities you plan on engaging in at the park (i.e., primitive camping or RV stays).

And almost every park we researched offered a free annual pass for wounded warrior residents of the state, though the percentage of disability required for the annual pass varied by state.

Military Discounts to Use When Visiting State Parks

Did you know that West Virginia state parks offer a 10% military discount? Plan your next hiking adventure at Blackwater Falls State Park in West Virginia.

For the rest of us, active duty and veterans, the military discounts vary by state and often are offered at each individual park and for limited time periods or only to residents of that state. When in doubt, contact the individual park.

Here are 4 states we found that offer discounts at their state parks:

Georgia State Parks

Georgia offers dozens of state parks, including Fort Yargo, with its 260-acre lake, multiple RV sites and even lakefront yurts for a little weekend glamping. Active duty and retired military — who are Georgia residents — are entitled to a 25% discount on the daily or annual parks pass. A current military or retiree ID must be shown at time of purchase.

Florida State Parks

With over 150 state parks to choose from, if you crave the sun, you’ll find it here. Florida’s state parks include miles of beaches and all kinds of interesting trails including the Tallahassee-St. Marks Historic Railroad trail, with options for hiking, biking and even horseback riding. Active duty military, National Guard and reservists and retirees can received a 25% discount on all Florida state park entrance fees.

However the passes cannot be purchased online.

Maryland State Parks

Maryland culture has long revolved around the water. Dozens of Maryland state parks offer the chance to experience a landscape rich with marine wildlife and ocean views, including Janes Island State Park where visitors can fish and crab to their heart’s content. With a valid military ID all Maryland state park daily fees are waived. Find out more about this park and many others at Maryland.gov.

West Virginia State Parks

With over 50 state parks, West Virginia is a camping and hunting enthusiast paradise. Included in its many offerings is Seneca State Forest, home to rivers, lakes, miles of trails and its famous 65-foot fire tower that offers an incredible bird’s-eye view of the lush forest and woodland.

Best of all, all West Virginia state parks and services offer active duty and veteran personnel a 10% discount.

Looking for another state or a specific state park? Find links to it all by visiting www.stateparks.org.

Have you sign up for Military Shoppers Travel and Rewards community? It’s a free way to save money on your next family vacation.

10 Ways Busy Military Families Can Eat Healthy Meals Together

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January is a great time to revamp your family meals.

Military families are often very busy and eating healthy meals together should be one thing we all fit in time for.

Many people have New Year’s resolutions to be healthier. I’m one of those and you probably are as well. Being healthy starts in the kitchen with good food to fuel your body. Here are 10 tips to help your busy family eat healthy meals together.

10 Ways Busy Military Families Can Eat Healthy Meals Together

Plan your meals for the week. Consider what activities your family has going on during the week so you know how much time you have to cook and eat a healthy meal.

Buy fresh ingredients. Try to do your grocery shopping along the outer rim of the commissary where all the fresh ingredients are. Stay away from sugary, high sodium and high fat products masked by clever marketing on boxed goods in the center aisles.

Try a home delivery service such as Blue Apron or have your groceries delivered to your home from your local grocery store. There will be periods where you don’t have time to run to the commissary. There will be moments where you run out of ideas of what to cook. In these instances, a home delivery service can be a great option for healthy meals that you can make at home.

10 Ways Busy Military Families Can Eat Healthy Meals Together

Making healthy meals for your military family starts in your kitchen.

Cook together. This is especially important for children. Research has shown that children eat healthier when they are part of the cooking process. They are also more likely to try new things and they build confidence in the kitchen while learning new skills.

Use your Crockpot or Instapot. Both of these are game changers for busy military families. You don’t always have time to cook healthy meals on busy nights. This is when planning ahead comes into play. When your family has a lot going on, a Crockpot or Instapot dinner can save the day and your sanity.

Shake things up. Eat on the patio if it’s a nice night. Make a picnic in the living room one afternoon. Pack a lunch and go to the park.

Make time to eat healthy meals together. You might all have different activities going on, but you still have to eat. Try to schedule dinner at a time that everyone can be together. This might mean that on one day you eat at 4 p.m. and on another you don’t eat until 7 p.m. Many families do that.

It’s eating together that is important, not the time that you eat dinner.

Dinner time is a special time where family members get to catch up on each other’s day.

Try new things. We all get into the rut of making the same things over and over again. I have an entire bookshelf of cookbooks but find myself making the same recipes. Recently I’ve started watching cooking videos on Facebook as well as looking up recipes on Pinterest. Pick up a new cookbook, ask friends for recipes or look up new meal ideas online.

Do a recipe swap with friends. This goes along with trying new things. I’ve been in groups that have made cookbooks. See if one of the clubs your child is in has made one. Talk to your friends or coworkers and see if they would like to swap healthy recipes. You can make your own file or download a recipe app for your phone.

Commit to eating healthy meals. All of the tips above mean nothing if you don’t actually follow through. Sure it’s OK to go out to eat every now and again or to have a night you order pizza in. Don’t let that turn into a habit. Remember your New Year’s resolution to eat healthy meals and to be a healthier person.

Tired of the same boring meals? Browse MilitaryShoppers’ recipe database for fresh ideas for your meals this month.