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Putting the Memorial Back into Memorial Day

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When I say the words “Memorial Day” what kind of words or images do you associate with this national holiday?

  • Is it the wreath laying ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery?
  • Is it the somber echo of a trumpet playing “taps” at a military funeral?
  • Or is Memorial Day simply a day off of work, when you will hit the beach with your friends or go shopping?

We’ve talked before about this growing divide between veterans and civilians in our country. The percentage of Americans who have served in the military seems to be shrinking with every generation. There is a greater number of military kids who are following in the footsteps of their service member parents while fewer Americans know anyone who is a solider, airman, sailor or Marine.

Then you add in Memorial Day, a national holiday to honor all service members that were killed during any war and you feel this division between these 2 communities a little more.

If you watched television commercials this month, you would think that Memorial Day is a day for hosting a barbecue, taking your boat out for the first “unofficial” day of summer and that it’s the best weekend to save money on a new mattress.

The truth is that these typical Memorial Day activities are insensitive to the purpose and meaning of Memorial Day.

The truth is that these activities are insensitive to the grieving Gold Star families.

The truth is that these activities send a message to our children that if you die in service to your country, your sacrifice won’t be remembered.

But we know that simply isn’t true.

The truth is that our hearts do ache for our Gold Star families. We want to show them love and support in whatever way they need it.

The truth is that even if you haven’t had a friend, neighbor or sibling killed in action, you still want to honor and respect that person’s sacrifice to our country.

I recently saw evidence of that public support for our fallen service members when I read the news articles about the thousands of people who lined the streets of Coronado, Calif., to pay their respects to Charles Keating IV. The 31-year-old Navy SEAL died in a gunbattle with Islamic State fighters on May 3 in Iraq.

The truth is that taking time for a meaningful Memorial Day activity doesn’t take much time at all. All it takes is a bit of effort and planning.

Throughout the years, I have worked to find a Memorial Day ceremony or parade wherever we found ourselves on Memorial Day.

In Okinawa, Japan, my dedication to a meaningful Memorial Day meant attending a service that remembered the Americans who died on that island during World War II.

In Port Hueneme, Calif., my dedication to a meaningful Memorial Day meant attending an early morning ceremony and listening a Navy captain discuss the noble and courageous efforts of today’s sailors in the ongoing conflict in Afghanistan and Iraq.

In Gettysburg, Penn., my dedication to a meaningful Memorial Day meant teaching my daughter to place her hand over her heart when the military color guard marched by us at the beginning of the 145th Memorial Day parade (one of the oldest continuing ceremonies in the country.)

But I must confess that last year I didn’t do any of these things. I was in deployment survival mode and was driving to my parents’ house, eager to start the summer with them. I regret to say that I forgot to remember Memorial Day.

Have you ever forgotten to mark Memorial Day in a meaningful way?

I hope I don’t ever forget it again.

Since then, I’ve learned about the National Moment of Remembrance. The National Moment of Remembrance encourages all “Americans to pause wherever they are at 3 p.m. local time on Memorial Day for a minute of silence to remember and honor those who have died in service to the nation.”

Here’s what the Moment of Remembrance founder Carmella LaSpada says about it

“It’s a way we can all help put the memorial back in Memorial Day.”

A moment to remember.

Now that’s something that all Americans – military or civilian – can do this Memorial Day.

What activities do you typically do on Memorial Day?

Remembering Our Fallen Friends on Memorial Day

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Memorial Day is a day to remember those who have lost their lives while serving our country. This national holiday is a day to remember them and their sacrifices.

This loss hits home more often in military families. We have friends who have lost their lives and friends who have lost their spouses. We know people who have received that knock on the door and we know how real Memorial Day can be to the people in our military community.

As military spouses, we might not be sure how we can remember our friends on Memorial Day.

But there are many ways to do so and ways to include our kids. We never want to forget these service members, their families and their sacrifices.

You can plan to attend a Memorial Day ceremony in honor of your friend or friends that were lost. You can take your children with you and explain to them why you are there in an age-appropriate way. Smaller children might not totally understand what is going on but over time, they will.

See what Memorial Day ceremonies are planned in your area by checking with your local newspaper, television station, American Legion or VFW. If you live near a military installation they might have something going on there to honor those who were lost.

While you are at the Memorial Day event you could wear a special shirt or piece of jewelry to remember your fallen friends. This can help make the family feel like they are still remembered and allow you to honor those that have been lost.

Another way to remember your friends on Memorial Day is to keep in touch with their family members, whether that be their spouse, parents or siblings. Let them know that you think of their loved one often and let them know you are thinking of them as well.

You might want to reach out to them on Memorial Day in order to let them know that they are loved and that you are honoring their loved one. When someone in your family dies, you get a lot of support and love at first but that support can stop after a few months. Reaching out to the family, who still might be hurting from the loss is a great idea if you are close enough to do so. Even a simple card sent in the mail can go a long way. You want them to know that you still love and miss your friend and think of them often.

Children can have a more difficult time when a family friend has passed away. Take the opportunity this Memorial Day to talk about this person with your child. Find out how they are processing the death and if they have any questions. If appropriate, you can take the child to the gravesite to leave flowers or another gift. You just want to make sure they know that you are there to talk about what happened whenever they need you to be. If they are quite young, they might not fully understand where their friend went. Talking about the great memories they have had with the friend can help until they are old enough to understand.

Memorial Day can bring up a lot of emotions and feelings, especially for members of the military. Having a plan of how to remember those in your life that you have lost is a good idea, both for you and your children. Whether they have been gone for just a couple of months or many years, grieving can take a lot of time and you don’t want to rush that process.

How do you honor fallen service members on Memorial Day?