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Should Military Spouses Tag Along on TDYs?

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After 18 years as a military spouse, I’ve lived through my share of service-connected separations. Be it multi-month deployments or weeks-long TDYs, separations are a part of military life.

Some military spouses, especially those new to this lifestyle, often struggle with the idea of separation, even for a short period of time.

And while deployments don’t allow military spouses to visit troops in country, many spouses do make the decision to follow their service member while they are on temporary duty.

I certainly appreciate the desire to be near your spouse, especially when a separation comes after basic training or in conjunction with a PCS to a new duty station.

Should Military Spouses Tag Along on TDYs?

Few military spouses have the luxury of packing a bag and hitting the road. If you plan to follow your service member on temporary duty, you’ll need lots of lead time to prepare.

But before you pack a bag and make a long-term hotel reservation, here are a few things to consider.

Your Service Member’s Free Time May Be Limited

A TDY typically involves some kind of training or special mission requirements. As such, a service member’s free time may be limited or they might be restricted to the duty station or facility. They may also work odd hours or have homework that limits the amount of free time they have outside of work.

So what does that mean? You might find yourself sitting in a hotel room in a town you’ve never been to before with no spouse to keep you company and zero support network.

If you are prepared for the possibility of spending a lot of time alone, make sure you have something to focus your time and energy on in between the sporadic visits from your spouse. You may want to take an online class, write a book or volunteer for a local nonprofit organization.

Planning Ahead Is a Must

Few of us have the luxury of packing a bag and hitting the road. If you plan on following your service member on temporary duty, you’ll need lots of lead time to prepare.

If the TDY is in conjunction with a PCS, you may need to give notice to terminate a lease and schedule a household goods pack-out.

Reservations at many hotels around busy military installations may be limited or long-term stays and temporary or short-term rental properties may not always be available. If you have pets, availability may be limited even further.

It is tempting to throw caution to the wind and figure it out as you go. But consider the extra strain and stress on a service member if you are unable to secure living arrangements.

Training and focusing on the mission becomes infinitely harder if you are worried about your spouse sleeping in your car.

If you make the decision to accompany your spouse, don’t leave the planning to the last minute. Plan to have a conversation about expectations. Try to talk to other service members about services and facilities available for a short-term relocation. Have a plan B in the event that a 3-week course suddenly becomes 6 weeks.

TDY Life May Be Costly

Perhaps the biggest consideration for a short-term relocation for military spouses is budget. Can you afford to quit your job or take a leave of absence, for the duration of the TDY?

Don’t forget that you may find additional costs associated with living out of your suitcase. If your living arrangements don’t include a kitchen or a washer and dryer, make sure you include those costs into your monthly budget.

The seasoned spouse in me wants to tell my fellow military spouses contemplating one of these temporary relocations to reconsider.

That the potential strain to relationships and budgets aren’t worth the occasional opportunity to see your spouse. That being alone in a new place without the benefit of a unit to turn to in times of need is time better spent in a familiar place or with family.

But instead, I will simply say this — Military life affords us ample opportunities for adventure and promises countless nights will be spent counting down to a reunion.

Separations are never easy, but we can and do learn to persevere through them. We must each make decisions about what is best for us and our families. If you decide this kind of move is right for you, be smart about your reasons and be fair in your expectations.

Have you ever moved to a location temporarily while your service member was conducting training or a short assignment there?

How to Find a Work From Home Job

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The never-ending cycle of hunting for a new job is a struggle we military spouses know all too well. Many spouses turn to work from home opportunities as a way to remain employed despite moving every 3 years.

How to Find a Work From Home Job

Do you work from home? How did you find your work from home job?

But sometimes finding a work from home job is enough to make you question your sanity.

Do steady, dependable and legitimate work from home opportunities exist?

Of course they do!

Check out this list of work from home resources and then get to work!

Work from Home Job Boards

Telecommuting and remote work are no longer the oddball, sketchy positions they used to be. Tons of reputable companies offer work from home positions in areas like communications, customer service and project management. There are lots of job boards out there. Here are a few with good reputations:

  1. Flexjobs.com. There is a fee for access to the site ($50 per year, with options of quarterly or monthly subscriptions), but this is one of the top work from home job boards out there. Search for freelance and remote opportunities listed by hundreds of well-known companies.
  2. VirtualVocations.com. This site requires an annual fee, but offers a great list of remote work opportunities. Jobs include computer and data entry work, to writing, marketing and more.
  3. Indeed.com. Free to use, just put “Remote” in the location search field to find all kinds of telecommute and remote positions. You can even set up keyword alerts so you don’t have to visit the site every day.

Work from Home Jobs Where You Are the Boss

Starting your own business might be the best work from home opportunity out there, but it does require you to get smart on business laws and regulations. State, county and even city laws can impact the kinds of businesses you can run from home. They also regulate taxes. If you live on-post or overseas, additional rules may apply, so check with your housing office.

  1. Get Crafty. If you’re a master with a glue gun, crochet hook or paintbrush, consider turning your hobby into a great home-based business. Sites like Etsy.com, Artfire.com and Amazon Handmade take all hassle of building an e-commerce website. Good pictures are essential, so if you can’t take them, hire a photographer who can.
  2. Cottage Industries. Many states have cottage industry laws that are designed to help nurture budding home-based businesses. If you can bake like a master or if you grow tomatoes like there’s no tomorrow, consider selling your wares and produce at local farmers markets. Each state (and sometimes county) has different rules, so be sure to do your research.
  3. In-Home Child Care. In-home child care can be a great way to earn an income while helping other military families. Just like other businesses, check your state, county, city and military installation rules for running this kind of business for children.
  4. Direct Sales. If you love to meet new people and try out great products, direct sales might be the job for you. Choose from a vast array of products – everything from make-up and home goods to food and wine – and work as much or as little as you like. Some direct sales companies will even ship to FPO/APO boxes, though specific regulations and rules apply, so make sure you check with the company you are interested in and your installation. The Direct Selling Association website is a great place to start.

Freelance Jobs for Military Spouses

  1. MadSkills.com. A newly launched military spouse-owned business, MadSkills is out to help connect military spouses with companies who need their mad skills. If you’re a whiz at building websites, graphic design, project management, writing, and more, then check them out. It’s free to create a profile.
  2. Other Freelance Communities. It can take some time to build up a reputation to keep you busy all the time, but there are many freelance communities offering a wide range of freelance opportunities. Check out Freelancer.com, Guru.com and UpWork.com. Free accounts are available, but paying the small upgrade fee can provide greater visibility of your profile and open up a greater field of work. Craigslist can also be a good resource for freelance work, just do your due diligence before accepting any work listed there.
  3. Millie.com, which is managed and run by veterans and military spouses, hires “Scouts.” Scout opportunities are open to active duty, Gold Star spouses or newly retired military spouses who are willing to use their experience PCSing, buying and renting homes, deployments, community involvement and volunteering to help military families transition into new locations. This could include walking through potential rentals or letting a handyman in to do some repairs on a service member’s house.

Do you work from home? How did you find your work from home job?

Why a Surprise Military Homecoming Is an Awful Idea

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Deployment is almost over! The countdown is only a few weeks, days or hours. I am ready. Kind of.

I still need to clean the house, corral the kids, hose off the pets and pick out a stunning outfit for the BIG DAY.

Except now, here he is. The house is dirty. The kids are running amok. The dog just got skunked and I’m wearing sweats. I am so not ready for this military homecoming!

My worst nightmare is a surprise military homecoming.

Maybe because I’m an ultra Type-A planner who likes to be moderately in control at most times. To me a surprise military homecoming just seems like a bad idea.

First, the whole surprise thing. It’s a random time of day and the doorbell rings. There’s a person wearing some sort of uniform standing at my front door. For me, it would be heart-stopping shock. Not joy, shock about the potential despair that might be coming. All because there is a uniformed person on my doorstep, without warning.

Part of deployment is the mental prep and gamification of it. The countdown is front and center on the fridge. In my mind, I’m ready for X day. With a surprise military homecoming, the spouse or family might not be mentally ready.

Why a Surprise Military Homecoming Is an Awful Idea

A military homecoming doesn’t need to be a surprise to be special for your family.

Along with the mental prep work to welcome a service member home, comes some deep selfishness.

We have been apart for goodness knows how long, and my bed has been empty. The children have not seen their father in forever it seems. And we need that moment of just us-ness.

But a surprise military homecoming takes away that intimacy. They take away the “us-ness” of the moment by bringing other people into the mix.

It’s sheer logistics. Someone else will see him first, be next to him first, drive him first and arrange his first food.

Call me selfish, but the only humans I want to share those firsts with are my children. The deployment has been a build-up to the moment my spouse steps off the bus, plane or out of formation. I need the closure of that very first kiss.

Beyond just the “first” moments, let’s talk about the whole planning aspect of these surprise military homecoming shenanigans.

The service member has to contact someone at home to arrange everything. Someone has to be there to get her. She has to have food and something to drink, plus provide a change of clothes. The props have to be set up in advance, ready to go. Plus, someone has to move the spouse and kids into the correct position at the proper time.

That is a LOT of work. Chances are that the TV crew members don’t help out every person who wants to pull off one of these surprise military homecomings.

Last, but not least, let’s talk about the lies involved with a surprise military homecoming.

The building blocks of marriage are truth and trust.

After months apart, the service member has decided to keep a HUGE secret from his or her spouse: the time and date of return. Not only has she just not mentioned it, the service member has also likely actively engaged in deception to conceal the return window.

Reintegration following deployments is challenging enough without starting off with a giant lie. Failing to be truthful about when you are returning can be extremely hurtful.

Not to mention, the weeks leading up to reunions are unbelievably busy: cleaning, haircuts, notes to school, arranging child care, more cleaning, meal prep and getting children ready to be back in a 2-parent household again.

Just showing up can put a seriously huge (but happy) wrench into a lot of this prep time. Plus, there might be last-minute “distraction” adventures that families have planned to just get through the final few weeks or days.

I know I hit Disneyland an awful lot the month that a year-long deployment was winding down. What if my husband had picked a spontaneous Disney day to “surprise” me? He’d have been locked out while I rode Space Mountain, that’s what.

So, by all means, go right ahead and do your supposed to be fun and emotional surprise military homecoming stuff.

But please, before you get deep into plans, remember that not everyone likes surprises. Some families on the homefront need the non-surprise reunion to wrap their brains around the whole situation.

Trust me, even without the surprise aspect, every military homecoming is full of love.

Now it’s your turn: How do you feel about a surprise military homecoming?

How Many Service Members Are Using Food Assistance Programs?

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On any given day, my husband and I exchange a volley of “what sounds good for dinner?” and “I don’t know, what sounds good to you?” We hem and haw before one of us finally breaks down and offers up a suggestion. But we haven’t always been so nonchalant about our daily meals.

When our children were young and my husband was a junior enlisted soldier, our monthly budget was tighter than a pair of skinny jeans after Thanksgiving dinner.

To make ends meet, we got creative with our food choices, shared living arrangements with another couple for a while, and gave up trying to save money each month.

Paydays were cause for celebration. It meant the promise of at least a few days of good eating.

We turned to the Women, Infant and Children (WIC) program for some food assistance. We prayed that nothing would go wrong with the car. We hoped that the kids wouldn’t outgrow their clothes too quickly. Our bimonthly pilgrimage to the commissary helped us stretch our budget even further.

How Many Service Members Are Using Food Assistance Programs? DoD Has No Idea

I’d say it is high time DoD took notice of how many service members are turning to food assistance programs like WIC and SNAP.

We were far from the only ones struggling to make ends meet. We knew countless other young military families doing their best not to resort to a diet of ramen noodles, peanut butter and water.

Which is why a recent report from the Government Accountability Office (GAO) suggesting that the Department of Defense (DoD) has no idea how many service members are turning to public food assistance programs like WIC and SNAP is a bit surprising.

DoD is tracking valid numbers for the military’s FSSA program, but with so few military families utilizing the program, and with the speculation that many service members find shame and embarrassment at the involvement of their chains of command, the program will be calling it quits in September. Fewer than 300 people qualify for FSSA worldwide, according to DoD.

When you consider that a 2015 study suggested that as many as 1 in 4 military families are using some kind of food assistance program to supplement their food budgets, it becomes clear that the data is an important part of understanding our community’s current state of affairs.

Throw in discussions about commissary closures, BAH reductions and cuts to our health care programs and one has to wonder if DoD officials truly understand the day-to-day challenges faced by today’s military families.

The GAO’s report recommended the launch of a joint effort between the USDA and DoD to gather these numbers, and based on my own personal experiences, I’d say it’s about time.

Implications of inadequate food budgets are far-reaching. When military families worry about putting food on the table, mission-readiness suffers. Inadequate nutrition, while a significant concern for children, is also part of a healthy lifestyle for service members and their spouses. What’s more, with the buying power of food dollars fluctuating from duty station to duty station, morale can suffer when nothing more than a PCS takes away a family’s sense of independence and self-reliance.

My husband is fast approaching retirement, but for the entire extent of our military journey, we’ve known young military families challenged by food costs, many of whom have had to turn to food assistance programs or food banks.

Looking back, as a young military spouse, I was too busy trying to keep up with the daily rigors of being a military spouse, mother and employee to stop and think about how wrong it was for members of the best military in the world to have any issues keeping their families fed.

In the end, we were lucky. We managed to weather the storm and now enjoy the luxury of not having to worry about what’s in our pantry or refrigerator.

But not all military families are as lucky as we have been and with this issue being so prevalent, and in light of the fact that it’s been a challenge for our community for as long as I can remember, I’d say it is high time DoD took notice.

Now it’s your turn: Do you think DoD needs to do a better job of tracking food assistance program data? Why or why not?

10 Assumptions I Had About Military Life

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Before I was a military spouse, I had all these notions about who, what and how military wives were and acted. Turns out, most of my assumptions were pretty inaccurate!

10 False Assumptions I Made About Military Life

1. All military spouses are women!

So, the term “military wife” is pretty rampant. After all, when you see those warm and fuzzy homecoming videos, it’s usually the female spouses on camera. So if you thought you would be surrounded by ladies, think again!

A 2011 study showed women make up 14.5 percent of active duty troops, with about 51 percent of these service members being married. Accounting for the 48 percent of married female service members in dual-military families, that leaves about 51,000 civilian spouses who are married to female troops.

Yes, that study didn’t account for same-sex relationships because it was commissioned before the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Even with factoring that in, there are tens of thousands of male military spouses!

2. Being a service member is like a regular job.

This assumption went out the window real fast! With deployments, constant training missions, overnight duty and random weekends in the field, a “regular” job this is not.

There are definitely some assignments that operate on a more typical 7-5 schedule, but those are few and far between.

Our first assignment, right after getting married, was an immediate months-long training cycle for a 12-month deployment. My husband was never home for dinner and was gone before I woke up. That is, if he didn’t just stay at work.

3. All military spouses are the same.

I will be the first to admit that I went into military life imagining a Stepford-like situation: thousands of very conservative, very religious and very patriotic women.

Totally not the case!

Military spouses span the spectrum on both religious beliefs and political leanings. And the community is so inclusive of everyone. Whether you attend church or not, whether you vote red or blue or purple, there is a place and space for you to thrive.

10 Assumptions I Had About Military Life That Turned Out to Be False

What assumptions did you have about military life?

The patriotic thing though? That assumption is mostly true. Military spouses are definitely proud of our loved ones’ military service!

4. Everyone lives on base.

In our 3 tours, we have lived in on-base housing once. The other two times we rented homes off base.

Military housing, depending where you are stationed, can be hard to come by. There are often waiting lists for newly built or recently renovated neighborhoods. Other times, like certain overseas duty stations, military families might be required to live on base.

Often, houses out in town come with different perks. Some service members enjoy the separation of their work life and their home life. School districts might offer different resources in another town. Or the location, like on the beach or in the mountains, might just not be an option otherwise.

5. Everything is free or cheap.

We have all heard about the much touted military discounts and giveaways, right? From groceries to houses to theme park admissions, it can seem like lots of things are free.

This assumption is definitely 100 percent false.

While there are perks to being a military family, like complimentary admission to certain theme parks or organizations that provide things just for us, we are still just regular families who pay our own way.

6. Every sailor is on a ship, every airman flies and every soldier or Marine is infantry.

Each service member has a different job to do, just like in the civilian world.

Not everyone in the Air Force flies, for example. Some are doctors, lawyers or in charge of moving supplies around. Not every Marine carries a weapon and wears camo face paint. Some deal with the news media, some are in HR and some fly aircraft. And while many sailors are on the high seas, there are also those who serve on land in a variety of positions.

You can’t compare jobs, even in the same branch of service. Everyone has their own mission and objectives.

7. The great officer vs. enlisted debate.

Before joining the military spouse community, a lot of the word on the street was that officer spouses were snobby or that enlisted spouses were young.

I am going on record as saying this is absolutely not true! Literally nothing that you have heard about “how” officer or enlisted spouses behave or are is 100 percent accurate for every single person in that community.

Each spouse, each person, is their own individual self. No one fits a category or mold.

For the most part, every person I have come in contact with on this journey has been kind, helpful and generous to me and my family.

And spouses, unless also serving in the military, do not wear ranks. So, let’s just erase this one for good!

8. Military homecomings are picture perfect.

After waiting an additional few days and then several hot, sweaty hours in the sun, this assumption is definitely debunked.

Yes, military homecomings are usually a time filled with joy and happiness. Your service member is back safe and sound! But these events also come with some serious concerns.

Often homecoming dates and times are changed up until the very last minute, leaving families in the lurch when it comes to planning for child care or what to wear and bring.

Reintegration is a very real challenge. Your loved one has served in very different and often difficult situations for many months. He or she might have gone through hard times, including the loss of a friend or teammate. Sometimes, just rejoining family life is tough after months spent living on the military’s schedule.

9. Saying goodbye gets easier.

It’s not that it gets easier, it just becomes more normal.

You will still miss your spouse when they are gone, whether it is for a week or for a year. It is still hard sleeping alone, parenting alone and eating alone. You might still cry every time you say goodbye.

But with each farewell, you also have the knowledge that she or he will come home. You know the routine and can switch into it more easily.

10. You’ll see the world!

Or maybe just Kansas and Oklahoma.

There are military bases around the world, from right here in the United States to exotic overseas locations like Asia or Europe.

But not every military job or branch is able to move to every military base.

Some pilots can only fly their aircraft from certain locations. Or your family might only be able to receive health or educational services in certain places. Or your spouse’s branch of service isn’t in your dream location.

It totally depends in a lot of factors and the needs of the United States government.

The good news is that every duty station, near or far, has its own set of perks and benefits that can help make it feel like home!

What assumptions did you have about military life? Tell us in the comments section.

5 Tips for Better Sleep While Your Service Member is Deployed

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While the perfect night’s sleep is often as illusive as dragon’s eggs and fairy potions, getting a good night’s sleep is imperative for maintaining good health and handling the stresses of the day. Toss a deployment into the mix with all of that extra responsibility and worry, and even a good night’s sleep can become something of fairy tales.

Many military spouses often have difficulty adjusting to sleeping alone while their service member is deployed and in harm’s way.

Here are 5 tips to help you sleep better as you count down the days until homecoming.

5 Tips for Sleeping Alone When Your Service Member Is Deployed

Have you had trouble sleeping alone when your service member is gone for a deployment?

Prepare to Sleep: Develop a Bedtime Routine

One of the easiest ways to help your body sleep better, even in the midst of chaos and stress, is to develop a bedtime routine. At the end of a long, hard day, be kind to yourself. Brew a cup of chamomile tea, take a warm bath or shower, use aromatherapy, read, meditate or do some other quiet and calming activity.

While none of these activities actually makes you sleepy, following a daily bedtime routine can help remind your body that it is time to de-stress and get some rest.

You’ll want to avoid exercise within an hour of your normal bedtime as the endorphins released during this kind of activity can keep you awake.

And recent studies have indicated that the use of electronic devices like iPads, cell phones, eReaders and television can affect your natural circadian rhythms, so give yourself at least 30 minutes of unplugged time before bed.

Get Organized: The Easiest Way to De-Stress

Stress can have a huge impact on your sleeping patterns, so managing stress can help to ensure a better night’s sleep.

Simple things like getting your clothes (and your kid’s clothes) ready the night before, planning weekly meals, setting up bill pay and keeping a good calendar of due dates and activities can help to eliminate the feeling of having too many balls in the air.

It can be hard to get into the routine of planning ahead, but thankfully there are all kinds of free tools on the Internet to help you with everything from planning menus and building shopping lists to keeping track of appointments. Even if you usually do okay keeping track of things, putting some simple organization and time management mechanisms in place can help you stay on schedule and can greatly reduce your stress levels.

Keep a Journal

Often the lack of communication with a deployed spouse can add to your worry and increase feelings of isolation and loneliness. And while you can rarely control when the phone will ring or when that long-awaited email will arrive, you can make the most of the time you have Skyping or chatting with your deployed spouse by writing things down.

Consider keeping a journal. You can even make it part of your bedtime routine. Jot down a few words about your day or vent all of your frustrations on those pages.

Putting it down on paper can be cathartic and it gives you a chance to reflect and revisit some of your more taxing challenges when you aren’t right in the middle of them.

Plus, it can help to eliminate the need to unload all of that frustration on your spouse.

But don’t forget to write about the good and exciting things too. Get into the habit of finding at least one thing to be thankful or happy for each day. It will help add balance and perspective to your view of the deployment.

Sleep in the Middle of the Bed with a Snuggle Alternative

This one can be a bit hard to get used to, but sleeping in the middle of the bed can help to all eliminate that “something’s missing” feeling.

Adding a full body-length pillow, a teddy bear sprayed with your spouse’s favorite cologne or perfume, a pet or even a snuggly kid can also help to combat the feeling of being alone.

Talk to Your Doctor

If you’ve tried all these techniques or if you find yourself under an unusual or significant amount of stress, don’t be afraid to reach out to your primary care physician.

Simple supplements like vitamin D or melatonin can help to encourage good sleep and there are a number of over-the-counter and prescription drugs that can help as well. But always seek a doctor’s advice before starting any kind of sleep medication to rule out other conditions like sleep apnea and depression.

Have you had trouble sleeping alone when your service member is gone for a deployment or training? Tell us about your experience in the comments section.

Putting the Memorial Back into Memorial Day

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When I say the words “Memorial Day” what kind of words or images do you associate with this national holiday?

  • Is it the wreath laying ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery?
  • Is it the somber echo of a trumpet playing “taps” at a military funeral?
  • Or is Memorial Day simply a day off of work, when you will hit the beach with your friends or go shopping?

We’ve talked before about this growing divide between veterans and civilians in our country. The percentage of Americans who have served in the military seems to be shrinking with every generation. There is a greater number of military kids who are following in the footsteps of their service member parents while fewer Americans know anyone who is a solider, airman, sailor or Marine.

Then you add in Memorial Day, a national holiday to honor all service members that were killed during any war and you feel this division between these 2 communities a little more.

If you watched television commercials this month, you would think that Memorial Day is a day for hosting a barbecue, taking your boat out for the first “unofficial” day of summer and that it’s the best weekend to save money on a new mattress.

The truth is that these typical Memorial Day activities are insensitive to the purpose and meaning of Memorial Day.

The truth is that these activities are insensitive to the grieving Gold Star families.

The truth is that these activities send a message to our children that if you die in service to your country, your sacrifice won’t be remembered.

But we know that simply isn’t true.

The truth is that our hearts do ache for our Gold Star families. We want to show them love and support in whatever way they need it.

The truth is that even if you haven’t had a friend, neighbor or sibling killed in action, you still want to honor and respect that person’s sacrifice to our country.

I recently saw evidence of that public support for our fallen service members when I read the news articles about the thousands of people who lined the streets of Coronado, Calif., to pay their respects to Charles Keating IV. The 31-year-old Navy SEAL died in a gunbattle with Islamic State fighters on May 3 in Iraq.

The truth is that taking time for a meaningful Memorial Day activity doesn’t take much time at all. All it takes is a bit of effort and planning.

Throughout the years, I have worked to find a Memorial Day ceremony or parade wherever we found ourselves on Memorial Day.

In Okinawa, Japan, my dedication to a meaningful Memorial Day meant attending a service that remembered the Americans who died on that island during World War II.

In Port Hueneme, Calif., my dedication to a meaningful Memorial Day meant attending an early morning ceremony and listening a Navy captain discuss the noble and courageous efforts of today’s sailors in the ongoing conflict in Afghanistan and Iraq.

In Gettysburg, Penn., my dedication to a meaningful Memorial Day meant teaching my daughter to place her hand over her heart when the military color guard marched by us at the beginning of the 145th Memorial Day parade (one of the oldest continuing ceremonies in the country.)

But I must confess that last year I didn’t do any of these things. I was in deployment survival mode and was driving to my parents’ house, eager to start the summer with them. I regret to say that I forgot to remember Memorial Day.

Have you ever forgotten to mark Memorial Day in a meaningful way?

I hope I don’t ever forget it again.

Since then, I’ve learned about the National Moment of Remembrance. The National Moment of Remembrance encourages all “Americans to pause wherever they are at 3 p.m. local time on Memorial Day for a minute of silence to remember and honor those who have died in service to the nation.”

Here’s what the Moment of Remembrance founder Carmella LaSpada says about it

“It’s a way we can all help put the memorial back in Memorial Day.”

A moment to remember.

Now that’s something that all Americans – military or civilian – can do this Memorial Day.

What activities do you typically do on Memorial Day?

Remembering Our Fallen Friends on Memorial Day

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Memorial Day is a day to remember those who have lost their lives while serving our country. This national holiday is a day to remember them and their sacrifices.

This loss hits home more often in military families. We have friends who have lost their lives and friends who have lost their spouses. We know people who have received that knock on the door and we know how real Memorial Day can be to the people in our military community.

As military spouses, we might not be sure how we can remember our friends on Memorial Day.

But there are many ways to do so and ways to include our kids. We never want to forget these service members, their families and their sacrifices.

You can plan to attend a Memorial Day ceremony in honor of your friend or friends that were lost. You can take your children with you and explain to them why you are there in an age-appropriate way. Smaller children might not totally understand what is going on but over time, they will.

See what Memorial Day ceremonies are planned in your area by checking with your local newspaper, television station, American Legion or VFW. If you live near a military installation they might have something going on there to honor those who were lost.

While you are at the Memorial Day event you could wear a special shirt or piece of jewelry to remember your fallen friends. This can help make the family feel like they are still remembered and allow you to honor those that have been lost.

Another way to remember your friends on Memorial Day is to keep in touch with their family members, whether that be their spouse, parents or siblings. Let them know that you think of their loved one often and let them know you are thinking of them as well.

You might want to reach out to them on Memorial Day in order to let them know that they are loved and that you are honoring their loved one. When someone in your family dies, you get a lot of support and love at first but that support can stop after a few months. Reaching out to the family, who still might be hurting from the loss is a great idea if you are close enough to do so. Even a simple card sent in the mail can go a long way. You want them to know that you still love and miss your friend and think of them often.

Children can have a more difficult time when a family friend has passed away. Take the opportunity this Memorial Day to talk about this person with your child. Find out how they are processing the death and if they have any questions. If appropriate, you can take the child to the gravesite to leave flowers or another gift. You just want to make sure they know that you are there to talk about what happened whenever they need you to be. If they are quite young, they might not fully understand where their friend went. Talking about the great memories they have had with the friend can help until they are old enough to understand.

Memorial Day can bring up a lot of emotions and feelings, especially for members of the military. Having a plan of how to remember those in your life that you have lost is a good idea, both for you and your children. Whether they have been gone for just a couple of months or many years, grieving can take a lot of time and you don’t want to rush that process.

How do you honor fallen service members on Memorial Day?

What’s Wrong with Military Service as a Family Business?

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Government officials are worried that the military is not diversified enough. A recent report showed that the majority of service members are part of what they call the family business, meaning military service runs in the family.

A surprising 80 percent of recent troops “come from a family where at least one parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle, sibling or cousin has also worn their nation’s uniform. More than 25% have a parent who has served,” according to a Pentagon report of 2012-2013 recruits.

Military service is a wonderful and proud tradition within many families.

What problem could the government possibly have with military service legacy?

Members of the Senate Armed Services Committee subcommittee discussed this topic recently in length. They are worried that the pool of service members is not as diversified as it could be.

When America had the draft, the military was made up of a more diverse population. At the height of the Vietnam War there were 3.5 million troops. They came for all walks of life, had different religious beliefs, different levels of education, different ideals and different backgrounds.

Now the military has closer to 1.4 million service members. The number of men and women entering the military is shrinking and so is the diversity within it.

If the military continues to mainly be made up of those in the family business, the military will continue to shrink and so will its diversity, or so the government thinks.

The pool of potential recruits is dwindling, which is going to force the Pentagon to think outside the family on ways to recruit new troops.

Lt. Commander Nate Christensen is the spokesperson for the Chief of Naval Personnel. He said the reason behind their worry is

We believe that this limits both the talent pool from which the Navy draws, as well as the diversity of background in our force, and ultimately could lead to a civil-military divide.

The Navy has a long tradition of sailors in the family business as 82 percent of them come from families with other service members.

The Air Force has an even greater number of families with multiple service members.

Eighty-six percent of current airmen have close relatives that have served in the military. The Army and Marines also have large numbers, 79 percent and 77 percent, of those in the family business.

Why do so many people decide to follow in the military service footsteps of their family members?

People make choices based on the life they have led and the people they have grown up with. Service members are likely to influence their family members to either join or not to join the military. Many that do join the military also enter the same branch of service that their family members were in. Fifty-nine percent of Army recruits come from a family that has close relatives in the Army.

The traditional make-up of the military no longer stands however. What was once mostly middle- and working-class men is now diversified with women in many of the positions.

There has been a large influx of women entering the military in the last few years as well. With the military opening doors to careers in fields women were not eligible to go into previously, the trend is set to continue. The military overall is shrinking, but in the last decade, the number of women joining the military has increased.

The government can’t afford to simply count on those entering the family business to keep the military strong. They’re going to have to start thinking outside the norm and recruit fresh blood, so to speak.

There are so many opportunities available in this age that the younger generation is not enlisting at the rate of previous years. The Pentagon is going to have to find a new incentive to get talented people to join the military.

In doing so, however, I hope that they don’t diminish the pride service members feel in continuing a family tradition. The term “family business” is being turned into a negative, when in fact it is a wonderful thing. I come from a family with a long line of service members and I married a sailor. I don’t know if our son will grow up and join the military, but I will be proud to have him in the family business, if he decides to.

What do you think of the statement that “military is a family business?”

How to Military-Proof Your Vacation Plans

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As my bio mentions, I come from a military family. One of the best pieces of advice that was given to me from my parents was to never lose out on vacation time. When I graduated from college, I took that advice to heart and made an effort to travel someplace new every year.

It didn’t change when I met my spouse. Although he was a little skeptical at first, we’ve been able to successfully vacation at least once a year since we started dating. My parents shared valuable tricks that have allowed us to vacation despite the military influence.

I know it’s hard to believe because we’ve heard so many different horror stories. In fact, my own vacation plans have been thwarted due to a short-notice TDY and unexpected field exercise. But, the important thing to note is that it’s always worth a try and don’t get discouraged.

With the right planning and flexibility, you can create unforgettable vacations, despite military annoyances!

Consider these travel tips that have been tested by my parents and myself:

How to Military-Proof Your Vacation Plans

How has military life interrupted your vacation plans? Don’t be discouraged. Try these 5 travel tips to create unforgettable vacations.

1. Don’t be afraid of planning ahead.

As a rule of thumb, my spouse and I like to map out a year in advance. It sounds crazy, right? But, it’s worked out great for us in the last 5 years.

We booked our Alaska cruise a year ahead of time. Military families can benefit from early bird deals in addition to military discounts. Yes, it’s a little scary, especially when you know things can change at a moment’s notice. That leads me to my next important point.

2. Always buy the travel insurance!

My spouse and I never book without it. Remember that Alaska cruise I mentioned? Well, we had to change the date two times before we actually left for our vacation.

Travel insurance gives you the flexibility to change dates without a hitch. Be sure you read the terms carefully to make sure you have the right type of protection for your vacation. We always make sure that if it gets to the point of not knowing when we could use it, the credit could still be there for us to use at any time.

During our Alaska vacation, we only had to pay the difference of our original sail date to our new one. Because of all the discounts we landed early on, the slight increase didn’t put a dent in our budget.

3. Make the most of block leave.

Depending on your assignment or location, military members can get a sense of when some breathing room comes their way. My spouse seems to get breathing room during the summer and winter months. He typically likes to take at least a week off at those times, so we aim to schedule vacations at that time.

In the last 2 years, we’ve got to go explore a new location along with spending the holidays with family. This past year, we celebrated the New Year and quickly jetset to Vegas to spend the next 5 days with my parents.

4. Plan a PCS vacation.

So far, my spouse and I are 2-2. We’ve PCSed two times together and have taken two vacations. Our first one was a PCS road trip from New York to Arizona. We mapped out a special route for ourselves that included visits through Texas.

Our last PCS is when we went on our honeymoon.

Yes, it can be done and it really doesn’t matter when you do it. My spouse was coming from an overseas tour and took a full month of leave. We moved all of my household goods and then flew out of our new duty station to cruise out of Puerto Rico.

5. Don’t be afraid of short-term planning either.

My spouse had use it or lose it vacation time a couple years ago, so we were encouraged to take time off. I came across an email with last-minute vacation deals and passed it along to my spouse.

If he had time to use, why not use it on a beach? We quickly booked another getaway as we were waiting for our Alaska cruise as a matter of fact. We couldn’t resist because the price was right and it was for the right amount of days off.

How do you military-proof your vacation plans?