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Do Military Wives Feel Threatened by Female Service Members?

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I recently read an open letter from a military spouse. In this open letter this military wife unleashes all of her emotions about how she feels about women who serve in the military, how she thinks female service members feel about military wives and how these two group treat each other.

She clearly feels threatened by female service members and blames men for making her feel that way.

Do Military Wives Feel Threatened by Female Service Members?

I do not feel threatened by female service members. I’m impressed by them.

That’s what her letter comes down to or that’s what I’ve taken away from the read.

Initially I didn’t want to read the entire article, which is not like me at all. The executive editor pleaded with the readers in her foreword to read all the way to the end though, so I did.

The beginning mostly sounds like the whiny rant of a young military spouse.

That’s why I didn’t want to read further, but I did and I thought about what she said.

I Don’t Feel Threatened by Anyone

I certainly don’t feel threatened by anyone. Why would I?

Apparently, there are military wives that do or this letter wouldn’t have been written. I have been part of military life my entire life. Both of my parents were in the Army and my husband is in the Navy.

My husband does not serve on a ship. He serves in a small community that’s different from fleet Navy. There are a small number of female service members in this field. I do not feel threatened by them.

I’m impressed by them. Being a service member is a really tough job. It’s especially hard for a female. I think it’s amazing that these women are physically able to do the things that are required by this job.

I Feel Like Fighting on Behalf of Female Service Members

It takes an emotionally strong woman to be in a male-dominated field.

I hear what some of the men say about the female service members.

They don’t think they belong in the military.

They think they aren’t good enough.

And no matter how hard they work they won’t cut it in their minds.

Unlike the author of that open letter who wants to soak up every bit of that kind of conversation, I feel like fighting on behalf of the female service member.

The Relationship Between Military Wives and Female Service Members Is Complicated

I mentioned this open letter to a few military wives that have husbands serving on ships. They completely agreed with the author of that letter.

They relayed tales of male service members being kicked off ships for sleeping with female service members, of people cheating on their spouses while at sea and how female service members are a distraction to the mission.

They feel threatened by their presence.

Likewise, female service members taunt military wives for being overweight, lazy and unambitious.

They feel that military wives use their spouses’ rank to get their way.

They feel that military wives make up things to get them off ships.

It’s a pretty rough relationship between military wives and female service members.

Some of these situations are based off real events, but not all military wives fit this description and not all female service members act this way.

I’ve heard of these stereotypes but have never faced these situations, nor did I know it was such a big problem. I’m sure there are plenty more military wives and female service members that have experience with this.

Are you a military wife who feels threatened by the female service members that your husband works with? Are you a female service member who isn’t respected by your co-workers’ spouses? Share your story in the comments section.

Meet the Writer: Meg Flanagan

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MilitaryShoppers wants you to know the writers who work on this website. Each month we will feature one of our writers. This month we feature Meg Flanagan, who has been writing for MilitaryShoppers since June 2016. 

Meet the Writer: Meg Flanagan

Name: Meg Flanagan

Military Branch Affiliation: USMC

Years as a military spouse: 9

How many times have you moved as a military spouse? 4

Describe yourself in 7 words or less:

Committed, dedicated, creative teacher who loves writing

 What’s your favorite travel destination?

New Hampshire’s White Mountains

What’s your favorite military discount?

SCRA credit card fee reimbursement

Meet the Writer: Meg Flanagan

How do you save money when shopping at the commissary?

I shop using a list, only use coupons when it makes sense (the cheaper version is still cheaper, even with a coupon…) and stock up on essentials when they are on sale.

What’s your dream military duty station?

Hawaii or Europe, but I also love SoCal and the DC area.

Meet the Writer: Meg Flanagan

What advice would you give to your younger self?

Relax, for real though. Keep reaching for what you want, but also let things happen. It will eventually all work out and it’s better if you are relaxed.

What goal do you want to achieve in the next 12 months?

I would love to keep growing my own blog, get back into the classroom and enjoy our new duty station!

Why New Regulations Won’t Solve the Marines United Problem

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Each of the Armed Services has passed down guidance intended to set expectations for dealing with the kind of despicable behavior brought to light in the Marines United Facebook group scandal.

Why New Regulations Won't Solve the Marines United Problem

Female service members have been secretly fighting to protect themselves from a “boys will be boys” culture for almost 80 years.

But if history is any indication, it’s hard to be convinced it will change a single thing. Regulations already in place should make eliminating this kind of behavior from the ranks easy and yet here we are.

Or should I say, here we are again.

Sadly, the deep-rooted culture of denigrating and disrespecting women who serve hasn’t changed much since women first answered the call to arms.

A  History of Public Humiliation

In 1943 a “slander campaign” sought to undermine the value and service of the Women’s Army Auxillary Corp. It whispered of pregnancy issues and venereal diseases. The campaign impacted recruitment efforts at a time when women’s service was greatly needed. Investigators initially thought the campaign was a form of enemy propaganda, but in the end, it was the actions of high-ranking military officers who believed women had no place in the military.

Fast forward 50 years and the weekend-long Tailhook Naval Conference left 87 women and 7 men sexually assaulted. After an initial cover-up, it took a single victim’s willingness to sacrifice her career and take her story to the press to get the Navy to stop making excuses and start taking action.

Female service members have been fighting to protect our country while secretly fighting to protect themselves from a “boys will be boys” and “locker room talk” culture for almost 80 years.

80 years.

The first service regulations that specifically targeted sexual harassment in the military weren’t even introduced until 1980, nearly 4 decades after women had become fully integrated into the U.S. military.

A Culture of Statistics

In 2014, a survey of female veterans from the Vietnam era to present showed that as many as a quarter of military women have been sexually assaulted and 80% sexually harassed. Another report in 2011 offered this staggering statistic:

“Women in the U.S. military are more likely to be raped by fellow soldiers than they are to be killed in combat.”

Ironically, when women report such crimes and demand the respect they’ve rightfully earned, it is used as an excuse to call them weak and accuse them of distracting their unit from its mission. A 2014 DoD survey found that in the previous year alone, “62% of active service members who reported sexual assault had experienced retaliation, including professional, social and administrative actions or punishments.”

This is the culture female service members face. It is a culture that continues to tell them that their service and their sacrifice is somehow less. That their personal safety isn’t found in trusting the soldier to their right and left, but instead must be found in tolerating illegal and immoral behaviors and staying quiet. It is a culture that demands they give their all and punishes them when their male counterparts decide they don’t like the competition.

Top-Down Change Won’t Work

Regulations and laws currently in place allow for the prosecution of service members involved in the latest scandal, who undoubtedly understood that their behavior was illegal and reprehensible and hence kept it secret and hidden from public view.

Some found safety in their fake-account anonymity; others in the sheer number of other group members who engaged in the same behavior. Sure, the group and the folder full of stolen images have disappeared, but investigators believe the group and its content will congregate and materialize under a new name on a new site. And while there are a few examples of service members suffering the consequences of such actions, there is a staggeringly number of cases where the behavior is dismissed or ignored.

I wish I felt that this renewed awareness would change things. That somehow those who still believe that “hotties don’t belong in the military” would hear the words of their leadership and change.

But the truth is, they haven’t listened in the last 40 years and I doubt they will start now.

This kind of change can’t come from the top down. It must be a grassroots effort within the military community.

The Facebook group in question was 30,000 members strong and it’s unlikely that these members’ attitudes about female service members weren’t apparent to those who knew them in real life. How many of them have been called out, not just by their chain of command, but by their fellow service members or veterans?

If you look at a service member and see gender before the uniform, you’re part of the problem.

If you think the women who were victimized in this case were responsible in any way for what happened to them, you are part of the problem.

If you hear the jokes and innuendo and laugh or ignore it, you are part of the problem.

But if you are willing to call it out, if you are willing to start changing the way you think about this issues, you can be part of the solution.

The question is, will you?

What are your feeling about the Marines United Facebook group photo scandal? Share them in the comments section.

How the Resident Energy Conservation Program Is Hitting Military Families Hard

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The Resident Energy Conservation Program (RECP) was created to make residents of military housing more aware of their energy use and to therefore reduce consumption. The goal is to lower energy use for environmental reasons and to save the government money.

So far the government is the only one seeing any savings as hundreds of military families find huge bills in their mailbox for energy they say was not justly charged or actually used.

The pilot for the Resident Energy Conservation Program took place in Hawaii between 2011 and 2012. In that initial test phase, the government saw a 9% reduction in use, which ultimately saved them $1.3 million according to Commander, Navy Installations Command. The reality for military families however was quite the opposite.

Compiled complaints show that military families consistently were charged $200 to $600 a month in electricity bills for over use. Many people claim that they did not use the equivalent amount of energy to justify such steep bills. Military housing says the bills are correct and have not done much to sway these families from feeling unjustly charged.

The pilot for the Resident Energy Conservation Program was considered by the government to be a success and over the last few years has been rolled out to all Marine Corps and Navy housing. It isn’t a bad program. In an effort to persuade residents to conserve energy, the program includes a reward element. The government’s research showed that when families embraced the Resident Energy Conservation Program that consumption fell 20%. To motivate families to achieve this, the Resident Energy Conservation Program was equipped with a credit or reimbursement for families that saved energy.

How does the Resident Energy Conservation Program determine use?

Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH) is meant to cover the normal use of electricity or gas and water and sewer as compared to families with similar homes out in town.

To determine average use on base, the Resident Energy Conservation Program uses Like-Type Groups (LTGs). These are homes in the same neighborhood that are in the same condition and age. These could include homes with similar square footage and number of bedrooms as well as the type of home and the type of energy, gas versus electricity.

It does not account for the number of people in a household just as BAH is not adjusted for the number of family members. From this, a monthly Normal Usage Band is created.

The Normal Usage Band gives a leeway of 10% over and under, providing room for consumption. For residents that use 10% less than the norm, they are given a credit or rebate. Military families that go over the 10% rate are charged for the overage.

This makes the Resident Energy Conservation Program sound fair, but residents are receiving bills far beyond what they consider reasonable. When military families question the housing office, they say that is what was used and that is what is owed.

A number of military families have been able to have their meters tested for accuracy however. Some have found their meter was actually connected to a street light or a neighbor’s home. Military housing originally was not designed with individual homes running on meters. Specialists had to go in and set up meters. In some instances, those individuals merely guessed which lines went to which houses.

What can you do if you think your utility bill is wrong?

If you are living in military housing and believe your bill is not accurate contact the resident services manager or housing office. You can request a home evaluation to make sure all appliances are using energy efficiently as well. The manager can sit down with your family and help you understand ways to conserve energy. In the meantime, you still have to pay your bill. If you do not, you may find an eviction letter in your mailbox next.

There are waivers available for wounded warriors and families registered with the Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP). If your family uses excess electricity due to medical reasons, you can request a waiver from the Resident Energy Conservation Program. You can submit a request through the EFMP office or through the Wounded Warrior Bn.

If you are still unsatisfied, you can reach out to your chain of command. NCIS is conducting its own investigation in some areas so you can also contact them. Lastly, you can submit a claim to the Inspector General.

Do you think that military families are being scammed by the Resident Energy Conservation Program? What problems have you had with your bill when you lived in on-base housing?

How to Hide Your Private Information Found Online

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In today’s world it seems like nothing is private anymore. Scrolling through a friend’s Facebook profile can tell you a lot about that person, probably more than he or she realizes. It tells you where they sleep, where they ate lunch and their children’s and mother-in-law’s birthdays.

Cybersecurity, while not a new concern, is a growing concern for many military families. In March, a “kill-list” was circulated by the self-described hacking division of the Islamic State group that included photos, names and addresses of 100 U.S. troops. That same month, several military spouses’ Twitter accounts were hacked and the Department of Defense asked military families around the world to be mindful of operational security.

Are you concerned about cybersecurity? Wondering what you can do to prevent your private information from being found online?

Marine Corps' Public People Search Database Removal Guide Helps Military Service Members and Spouses Hide Their Private Information

When was the last time you Googled your name? What private information was found in that search?

The Marine Corps’ cybersecurity division recently published a 11-page handbook, titled “Public People Search Database Removal Guide.” This handbook, available for download, describes methods “to get sensitive or personal information removed from easy access points online, including top search engine Google.”

This guide highlights 10 people search database websites, such as WhitePages and PeopleFinders. These database websites gather information from existing public records and are operated using “implicit consent, which means individuals have to explicitly opt out of each website in order to discontinue access to personal data from the online records.” For each database website, the handbook explains how to opt out and provides a link to these online requests.

The handbook also explains which websites require verification to remove the information from the database. In those circumstances, the service members are asked to upload a copy of a government-issued ID such as a driver’s license. Individuals are advised to black out the photo and ID number before submitting the ID copy to the website.

Related: Social Media Do’s and Don’ts for Military Families

The handbook also lists 5 tips for removing your information from the technology search giant, Google. It acknowledges that opting out of Google can be a challenging endeavor, but it isn’t impossible.

The Marine Corps’ guide recommends that service members refuse to take no for an answer and also that they be courteous when making their requests to remove their private information.

Be nice. They are not only busy, but they are under no obligation to help you. If they do help, it is really as a favor. No one will want to help you if you are a jerk, so be nice!

–Public People Search Database Removal Guide

Marine Corps' Public People Search Database Removal Guide Helps Military Service Members and Spouses Hide Their Private Information

Are you concerned about cybersecurity?

Here are 3 other things service members and their spouses should consider regarding cybersecurity:

1. Search Yourself. Is your home address or phone number available online? Not sure. Take the time to Google yourself. Look at the databases mentioned in the Public People Search Database Removal Guide and see what private information is available on you. Then take the steps to have your information removed from that website.

2. Pause Before Posting. Before posting on social media websites or submitting your address, take a moment to think about how that information could be used by others. Ask yourself, is this information that should stay private? What harm could come from this information floating around in the cyberworld?

Take time to think before posting because once it’s out there, it’s out there. Forever. Even if you delete it or edit the information, a digital copy is still online somewhere. The handbook calls this our digital tattoo.

3. Pay for Privacy. You may want to purchase help from a private company to “eliminate access” to your personal information. But beware. “The terms and conditions vary among different service providers and should be carefully examined and evaluated prior to any purchase or subscription to services,” the handbook said.

Want more information about removing your private information from public people searches? Download the Marine Corps’ “Public People Search Database Removal Guide”  today.

Carter Says Women in Combat Could Be More Vulnerable to Sexual Predators

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Nothing gets a woman more determined than to tell her she can’t do something, especially when she has already set her mind to it.

Defense Secretary Carter Says Women in Ground Combat Positions More Vulnerable to Sexual Assault

Whether ground combat positions are available to women or not in the future, the door to discussion is open.

The U.S. military has maintained that women cannot hold ground combat positions and for some women that just makes them want it that much more. This has driven so many women to fight for the chance to prove they can, that they measure up and have what it takes to do the job.

In 2013, for the first time women were able to enter into roles that were previously only held by men. Just as doors have opened to women in new areas throughout the military though, Defense Secretary Ashton Carter has made a few comments that might set that back. “Allowing women to serve in ground combat positions could make them more vulnerable to sexual predators,” Carter remarked to Reserve Officers’ Training Corps cadets at Georgetown University.

Obviously, as we get women into more unaccustomed positions, maybe dangerous isolated positions, maybe positions where they are fewer in relation to the number of men, it opens up opportunities for predators.

He then spun it and said there could be a positive effect of bringing more women into areas that have only been open to men.

“I can’t help but believe for many people; they’ll learn better how to conduct themselves, how to interact across gender lines and so forth. And that will contribute to prevention and eventually eradication of sexual assaults,” he added.

Social media exploded with comments in all directions replying to Carter’s statements.

Carl Woog, a spokesman for Carter, quickly came to his defense saying Carter opened the door to 20,000 new jobs for women in the military since taking office and that he is committed to ending sexual assault within the ranks.

Defense Secretary Carter Says Women in Ground Combat Positions More Vulnerable to Sexual Assault

How do you feel about Carter’s statements?

Some people on social media have honed in on “allowing” women to have these positions as anti-feminist. Others have fixated on “make them more vulnerable,” as if women were completely defenseless. I particularly liked one comment:

“How about we bar predators from combat roles instead of women doing their jobs?”

If Carter really wants to open military positions to women, are these comments helping or hurting that goal? Many people are mad and in this digital age, they aren’t afraid to sound-off about it.

This uproar could actually be a good thing though. It has people talking about sexual assault in the military. While some are afraid jobs will be closed off to women because of the potential risk of predators, I’m more inclined toward opening those doors. I want to see women fill those roles and lead our great country. I want them to succeed.

Whether ground combat positions are available to women or not in the future, the door to discussion is open. It is apparent at least with these few comments Defense Secretary Carter has a spotlight now shining on him. Will more jobs become available or will they be closed off to women because of him? Hopefully, the military will see changes for the good, no matter what those changes may be.

What do you think about Carter’s comments?