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Online Communication Keeps Military Families Connected

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When my husband deployed, I thanked my lucky stars that we were living in the 21st century. My beloved was often just a keyboard and computer screen away.

Online Communication Keeps Military Couples Connected

Online communication allows military couples to stay connected during times of separation.

I immediately thought about my grandparents: continents away during World War II and communicating through unreliable snail mail. Deployments were a lot longer then, too. The troops were gone for years sometimes, with very little communication to the folks back home.

Today, we have an app for that!

There are more ways to connect than you can imagine and military families have found or tried many of them. From video chats to instant messaging services, from email to virtual reading programs, there is something out there for everyone. Most of these online communication services can be accessed right from a smartphone or laptop, anywhere in the world!

The benefits of online communication really boil down to just one thing: connections.

Every time a unit deploys, that means that many military families are operating without one parent for months at a time. The parent at home takes on twice the work with less down time. Suddenly, one person is in charge instead of two.

For that parent, being able to reach out to their deployed spouse can help to make solo parenting that much easier. When a child has a great success, it can be shared and cheered together. Or when a child has a not-so-great moment, the parents can plan together on how to handle it and show a united front.

For military children, online communication keeps them connected to their deployed parent.

When there is a big win or a bad day, a child can immediately email Mom or Dad to share their feelings. Or they can message them. Or use a video call.

Just seeing their parent’s face keeps those channels of communication open and operational. When a child relies on one parent for so long, it could be easy to see the other as not a part of the game. This can make it harder for everyone when the deployment is finally over.

With quality online communication, both parents are on the team at the same time. They are making joint decisions and working together as a family to handle every situation.

That online connection can start even before or at birth. With the heavy deployment cycle of the last 15 years, many service members have been “present” for the birth of a child via video. Sharing something so precious, from so far away, is priceless.

While a parent deploys, families often are also far from grandparents, aunts and uncles. Virtual connections via online communication can help here too. Many military children grow up seeing Grandma and Grandpa via video chat or through shared online photo albums. Having these avenues open, during deployments or not, is vital to keeping extended families connected across the miles. Online communication provides networks and resources to draw on, no matter where military families are located.

Even small things, like the locations of documents or tools, can be almost instantly shared through online messages or emails. So when the car inevitably breaks down or the washer needs a part, searching for the insurance or manuals won’t add another stressor to the situation.

Ultimately, the benefits of online communication come down to one main thing: connections. Yes, there are thousands of little intangibles that make up the idea. The soccer game live streamed to the middle of the Pacific. Christmas morning presents via Skype. Seeing a family vacation from across the world. All of these little moments that are shared together online create connections through communication.

For military families, keeping their connections alive during deployment is the biggest benefit of all.

How has online communication benefited your military family during a deployment? Share your story in the comments section.

5 Tips for Better Sleep While Your Service Member is Deployed

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While the perfect night’s sleep is often as illusive as dragon’s eggs and fairy potions, getting a good night’s sleep is imperative for maintaining good health and handling the stresses of the day. Toss a deployment into the mix with all of that extra responsibility and worry, and even a good night’s sleep can become something of fairy tales.

Many military spouses often have difficulty adjusting to sleeping alone while their service member is deployed and in harm’s way.

Here are 5 tips to help you sleep better as you count down the days until homecoming.

5 Tips for Sleeping Alone When Your Service Member Is Deployed

Have you had trouble sleeping alone when your service member is gone for a deployment?

Prepare to Sleep: Develop a Bedtime Routine

One of the easiest ways to help your body sleep better, even in the midst of chaos and stress, is to develop a bedtime routine. At the end of a long, hard day, be kind to yourself. Brew a cup of chamomile tea, take a warm bath or shower, use aromatherapy, read, meditate or do some other quiet and calming activity.

While none of these activities actually makes you sleepy, following a daily bedtime routine can help remind your body that it is time to de-stress and get some rest.

You’ll want to avoid exercise within an hour of your normal bedtime as the endorphins released during this kind of activity can keep you awake.

And recent studies have indicated that the use of electronic devices like iPads, cell phones, eReaders and television can affect your natural circadian rhythms, so give yourself at least 30 minutes of unplugged time before bed.

Get Organized: The Easiest Way to De-Stress

Stress can have a huge impact on your sleeping patterns, so managing stress can help to ensure a better night’s sleep.

Simple things like getting your clothes (and your kid’s clothes) ready the night before, planning weekly meals, setting up bill pay and keeping a good calendar of due dates and activities can help to eliminate the feeling of having too many balls in the air.

It can be hard to get into the routine of planning ahead, but thankfully there are all kinds of free tools on the Internet to help you with everything from planning menus and building shopping lists to keeping track of appointments. Even if you usually do okay keeping track of things, putting some simple organization and time management mechanisms in place can help you stay on schedule and can greatly reduce your stress levels.

Keep a Journal

Often the lack of communication with a deployed spouse can add to your worry and increase feelings of isolation and loneliness. And while you can rarely control when the phone will ring or when that long-awaited email will arrive, you can make the most of the time you have Skyping or chatting with your deployed spouse by writing things down.

Consider keeping a journal. You can even make it part of your bedtime routine. Jot down a few words about your day or vent all of your frustrations on those pages.

Putting it down on paper can be cathartic and it gives you a chance to reflect and revisit some of your more taxing challenges when you aren’t right in the middle of them.

Plus, it can help to eliminate the need to unload all of that frustration on your spouse.

But don’t forget to write about the good and exciting things too. Get into the habit of finding at least one thing to be thankful or happy for each day. It will help add balance and perspective to your view of the deployment.

Sleep in the Middle of the Bed with a Snuggle Alternative

This one can be a bit hard to get used to, but sleeping in the middle of the bed can help to all eliminate that “something’s missing” feeling.

Adding a full body-length pillow, a teddy bear sprayed with your spouse’s favorite cologne or perfume, a pet or even a snuggly kid can also help to combat the feeling of being alone.

Talk to Your Doctor

If you’ve tried all these techniques or if you find yourself under an unusual or significant amount of stress, don’t be afraid to reach out to your primary care physician.

Simple supplements like vitamin D or melatonin can help to encourage good sleep and there are a number of over-the-counter and prescription drugs that can help as well. But always seek a doctor’s advice before starting any kind of sleep medication to rule out other conditions like sleep apnea and depression.

Have you had trouble sleeping alone when your service member is gone for a deployment or training? Tell us about your experience in the comments section.

How Can Our Military Community Help When Pregnant Spouses Are Feeling Desperate?

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No one will ever tell you that military life is easy and carefree. It’s a life that doesn’t go as planned. And even when you scrap Plan A in favor of Plan B, you may find yourself struggling for a solution when Plan B, C and D doesn’t work either.

Those feelings of desperation and the urge to have control over your situation sometimes causes many in our military community to make foolish decisions – decisions that under normal circumstances you wouldn’t even consider.

That’s what I believe happened in this case of a pregnant military spouse who was due to deliver alone for the second time while living overseas. In this post, “I can’t believe what I let my husband do to induce my labor,” the author writes about her thoughts leading up to her due date that collided with her husband’s upcoming deployment.

“The news that my husband would be deploying on the due date of our second child was both familiar and heartbreaking. He had deployed on the due date of our firstborn and was thousands of miles away by the time I finally went into labor and delivered our son. We thought we’d planned better with our second and final child, but being in the military means always expecting the unexpected.”

The command did permit the service member to remain with his wife for 2 weeks after the rest of the battalion deployed, but that waiver didn’t reduce her stress.

“Days passed and nothing changed. As we approached the fourth day, I panicked….We tried all the home remedies that were supposed to start labor: raspberry leaf tea, sex, walking, spicy food; you name it, we did it. Still nothing. On the seventh day, desperation became fear.”

In the end, she begged her husband to try to break her water using a hook they made out of a wire coat hanger. But in the end, thankfully, she went into labor without using the hook to break her water. She delivered her healthy baby boy at the military hospital.

But this story illustrates the desperate measures that some military spouses might try to induce labor before their service member’s departure. Her story isn’t unfamiliar to many of us who have been a member of the military spouse community for years. Maybe you have a similar story yourself.

Being stationed overseas is daunting.

Having a baby is stressful.

Knowing that your husband will not be there for the birth of your child is a tough pill to swallow.

Combine those 3 circumstances with the feelings of being alone and afraid because you don’t have your support system to turn to for help and her decision to ask her husband to break her water doesn’t seem illogical anymore.

How Can Our Military Community Help When Pregnant Spouses Are Feeling Desperate?

What do you think the military community could do to help spouses in these types of desperate situations?

Here are the lessons learned from this woman’s cautionary tale.

First, we need to recognize our feelings of isolation and desperation. In the days leading up to a deployment, pregnant or not, a military spouse feels emotional. Pregnant or not, she may feel like no one can help her and that no one can relate to her feelings.

I guarantee that there are military spouses on her base who have had the same thoughts, same feelings and faced similar circumstances as her. This is her military spouse community who should have supported her.

But the military community can’t help us if we don’t ask for help.

It’s scary to admit that we need help. But no one is going to fault a pregnant military spouse with a toddler, who is living overseas and facing the reality of giving birth alone for asking for assistance. Instead the military spouse community is going to help.

Secondly, we as members of the military community need to step up and provide the support that this desperate military spouse needed. She needed to know that she had someone to be with so she wouldn’t have to worry about giving birth alone. She needed to know that she would have reliable child care for her toddler when she went to the hospital. Heck, she even needed transportation to get her to the hospital.

Her challenges weren’t impossible if she had a military spouse community that enveloped her with support. A community that didn’t casually ask “how can I help?” but instead said “here’s how I will help.”

As uncomfortable as it is to be the pregnant military spouse seeking help, it is equally uncomfortable to reach out to that pregnant spouse who is your on-base neighbor.

You know that her husband is deploying soon, even if you don’t know exactly when.

You know that she has a toddler, even if you don’t know if she has child care for him.

You know her due date, even if you don’t know if her mother-in-law is able to come and stay with her when her spouse deploys.

And you will never know the answers to these personal questions if you don’t ask. If you ask, then you can help. But if you avoid asking these questions, because you don’t want to seem like a pest or nosy, you miss out on an opportunity to extend the helping hand of the military spouse community.

Finally, there needs to be more resources within the military community to help these kinds of situations. Giving birth without your parenting partner isn’t unusual in military life. There are fantastic nonprofits that throw baby showers for expecting military spouses but as we see from this story, military spouses need more than diapers and swaddling blankets.

And if there are resources to help mothers who are delivering during deployment, this woman’s doctor and her service member’s chaplain should have brought those resources to their attention.

Let’s use these lessons learned to help our pregnant military spouses feel a little less desperate during their challenging situations.

Now it’s your turn: What do you think the military community could do to help spouses in these types of desperate situations?

Putting the Memorial Back into Memorial Day

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When I say the words “Memorial Day” what kind of words or images do you associate with this national holiday?

  • Is it the wreath laying ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery?
  • Is it the somber echo of a trumpet playing “taps” at a military funeral?
  • Or is Memorial Day simply a day off of work, when you will hit the beach with your friends or go shopping?

We’ve talked before about this growing divide between veterans and civilians in our country. The percentage of Americans who have served in the military seems to be shrinking with every generation. There is a greater number of military kids who are following in the footsteps of their service member parents while fewer Americans know anyone who is a solider, airman, sailor or Marine.

Then you add in Memorial Day, a national holiday to honor all service members that were killed during any war and you feel this division between these 2 communities a little more.

If you watched television commercials this month, you would think that Memorial Day is a day for hosting a barbecue, taking your boat out for the first “unofficial” day of summer and that it’s the best weekend to save money on a new mattress.

The truth is that these typical Memorial Day activities are insensitive to the purpose and meaning of Memorial Day.

The truth is that these activities are insensitive to the grieving Gold Star families.

The truth is that these activities send a message to our children that if you die in service to your country, your sacrifice won’t be remembered.

But we know that simply isn’t true.

The truth is that our hearts do ache for our Gold Star families. We want to show them love and support in whatever way they need it.

The truth is that even if you haven’t had a friend, neighbor or sibling killed in action, you still want to honor and respect that person’s sacrifice to our country.

I recently saw evidence of that public support for our fallen service members when I read the news articles about the thousands of people who lined the streets of Coronado, Calif., to pay their respects to Charles Keating IV. The 31-year-old Navy SEAL died in a gunbattle with Islamic State fighters on May 3 in Iraq.

The truth is that taking time for a meaningful Memorial Day activity doesn’t take much time at all. All it takes is a bit of effort and planning.

Throughout the years, I have worked to find a Memorial Day ceremony or parade wherever we found ourselves on Memorial Day.

In Okinawa, Japan, my dedication to a meaningful Memorial Day meant attending a service that remembered the Americans who died on that island during World War II.

In Port Hueneme, Calif., my dedication to a meaningful Memorial Day meant attending an early morning ceremony and listening a Navy captain discuss the noble and courageous efforts of today’s sailors in the ongoing conflict in Afghanistan and Iraq.

In Gettysburg, Penn., my dedication to a meaningful Memorial Day meant teaching my daughter to place her hand over her heart when the military color guard marched by us at the beginning of the 145th Memorial Day parade (one of the oldest continuing ceremonies in the country.)

But I must confess that last year I didn’t do any of these things. I was in deployment survival mode and was driving to my parents’ house, eager to start the summer with them. I regret to say that I forgot to remember Memorial Day.

Have you ever forgotten to mark Memorial Day in a meaningful way?

I hope I don’t ever forget it again.

Since then, I’ve learned about the National Moment of Remembrance. The National Moment of Remembrance encourages all “Americans to pause wherever they are at 3 p.m. local time on Memorial Day for a minute of silence to remember and honor those who have died in service to the nation.”

Here’s what the Moment of Remembrance founder Carmella LaSpada says about it

“It’s a way we can all help put the memorial back in Memorial Day.”

A moment to remember.

Now that’s something that all Americans – military or civilian – can do this Memorial Day.

What activities do you typically do on Memorial Day?

Commissary Employees Remember to Wear Red

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Military members are still deploying.

Despite the formal end of combat missions in the Middle East 2 years ago, it didn’t end deployments for service members. There is an ongoing American presence there. In addition, service members are receiving deployment orders to other locales.

Because deployments are something that military families face regularly, the commissary employees wanted to remember those service members. If you like the Defense Commissary Agency’s (DeCA) Facebook page, you might have noticed the pictures of commissary employees wearing red on your news feed.

The commissary started posting pictures of employees wearing red on Fridays in January this year.

They have shared images from DeCA’s headquarters in Fort Lee to Fort Hood and even OCONUS in Kadena Air Base to name a few. The first commissary DeCA featured on the Facebook page was Camp Zama. Using the hashtag “#supportourtroops,” the commissary regularly shows employees standing in solidarity for our men and women in uniform (and sometimes posing with some in uniform!).

Why do the commissary employees wear red on Fridays?

Well, red is actually an acronym. It spells out Remember Everyone Deployed (R.E.D.) and the connection to the color red was a natural fit. The two messages join together and is easy to digest when you’re sharing its message with those around you.

In the midst of rigorous deployment cycles about 10 years ago, that’s when R.E.D. Fridays came about.

The reasoning to wear red on Fridays is fuzzy though. As I was researching, I found several different stories of the origin.

According to the Soldier’s Angels website, the R.E.D. Friday movement began as an email chain letter in 2005. It asked Americans that supported our troops to rally together and wear red on Fridays. It would serve as a statement to the American public and service members showing that they are supported.

The Soldier’s Angels website continues to say that there is a connection to R.E.D. Friday in Canada as well. When I realized I had a run for my money with the origin, I enlisted the help of my husband to see if we can pinpoint conception together.

Alas, we couldn’t nail down specifics, just lots of stories.

He found some notes stating that Family Readiness Groups (FRGs) might have started the trend. Also, there is an organization called Red Shirt Fridays that took the idea of wearing red shirts on Fridays into a bigger initiative.

What it comes down to is that despite being able to be specific about the start of the movement the idea itself stuck and stood the test of time. Service members are the focus of the initiative and that very important message never got lost.

R.E.D. Friday is a way for military families and supporters (like the commissary employees) to stand with those that are away due to service on a specific day. Whatever the actual reason was to pick Friday, it doesn’t matter as much as the message that it conveys (remember everyone deployed).

Now, not only does the commissary participate in the R.E.D. Friday initiative, I hear about it getting passed along at my current duty station and beyond. Also, schools and other communities are reporting that they are wearing red on Fridays.

I like that there is a message out there that calls out the sacrifice of deployment and shows service members our support.

Do the employees at your military commissary wear red on Fridays? Share a photo of them showing their support for the troops on the MilitaryShoppers’ Facebook page.

What Military Families Need to Know About the Zika Virus

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The Zika virus has been in the news lately and hearing about this when you have a spouse or family member in Central America or another area where there seems to be an outbreak can be quite scary.

The best thing to do is to learn more about the virus, how dangerous the disease is and how at risk the military is when they are in areas of the world with people who are being infected with the disease. The more you understand, the better off that you will be.

What Military Families Need to Know About the Zika Virus

Are you concerned about the Zika virus?

What is the Zika virus?

This virus is a non-fatal form of dengue fever. In most cases the Zika virus is quite mild. The military does not expect this virus to pose a health risk to troops.

What are the symptoms of the Zika virus?

The symptoms include a mild fever, rash, joint pain and conjunctivitis. Some people will also experience headaches and muscle pain. Remember that the Zika virus is overall mild and people are rarely hospitalized when they are infected.

Microcephaly is the biggest issue with this disease. You have probably seen the photos of the babies with the very small heads. These babies had mothers who were infected with the Zika virus when they were pregnant. The virus has also been linked to Guillain-Barré syndrome.

How can you get the Zika virus?

According to Health.mil, Zika is primarily spread to people through the bite of infected Aedes mosquitoes. It can also be transmitted from a pregnant mother to her baby during pregnancy, though we do not know how often that transmission occurs. Once a person has been infected with the virus, he or she is likely to be protected from future infections.

Which countries are most at risk?

Although there have been a few cases in the United States, this is not considered an outbreak. These countries are under a travel alert: Brazil, Colombia, El Salvador, French Guiana, Guatemala, Haiti, Honduras, Martinique, Mexico, Panama, Paraguay, Puerto Rico, Suriname, Venezuela, Dominican Republic and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

What is the CDC doing about the Zika virus?

The CDC is working to alert the public about the disease, provide state laboratories with good diagnostic tests and making sure they are reporting cases so they can keep their eye on what the diseases is doing and how far it is spreading. As of today, there is no vaccine.

What can military families do to protect themselves?

The best way to handle this is to avoid getting bitten by mosquitoes. Avoid time outside if possible if you are in a location where there is a known outbreak, wear long-sleeved shirts, use netting when possible, use EPA-registered insect repellents, and sleep under a mosquito bed net.

Be extra careful if you are pregnant. Talk to your doctor about your personal risks of contacting this disease.

Whatever you do, try not to worry too much about the Zika virus. Do what you can to educate yourself about what the disease really is, how things can spread and what you can do to protect yourself and your family. Make good decisions about where to travel and feel free to ask questions if you are worried about something specific.

You can learn more about the Zika virus from these websites:

Your spouse who is deployed in Central America should have had a briefing about the Zika virus. See if they can fill you in on what they have been told to ease your worries. Know that the military is aware of the disease and is working hard to make sure that the troops overseas are protected from contracting it.

Are you concerned about the Zika virus?

Pets May Help Military Kids Cope with Deployment

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A recent study by Tufts University shows that children who have a strong relationship with a pet cope better when dealing with the stress related to a parent’s deployment.

The study was designed to find out how animals help people physically and emotionally during stressful times as well as how to help people commit to fitness, reach educational goals, overcome physical disabilities and recover from psychological trauma.

Tufts Institute for Human-Animal Interaction (TIHAI) surveyed 600 children from both military and nonmilitary families. The kids were asked how they interact with animals, about their stress levels and their strategies for dealing with stress. The outcome of the study was that children with animals at home had more positive outcomes than those without, regardless to whether they had a parent on deployment or not.

The children that had animals at home were found to be more confident and had stronger relationships with both peers and family members. On multiple occasions, children reported that pets are what kept them company while a parent was on deployment or when they moved.

What researchers say is the most significant outcome of the study is that children who had a parent on deployment and also had a strong bond with an animal at home exhibited greater ability to cope with the stress of the situation than children that didn’t have pets.

“Strong attachments to pets may foster a more proactive attitude about handling stressful problems and could serve as a bridge to developing and maintaining peer relationships during stressful circumstances,” said Megan Mueller, a developmental psychologist and research assistant professor at Cummings School. She goes on to say,

Pets provide a nonjudgmental, emotionally supportive relationship, especially for kids who may be having difficulty in social situations or moving to a new social setting. The responsibility of caring for another living creature and understanding an animal’s needs also plays a role. There’s been some research showing that just stroking an animal reduces your blood pressure and heart rate.

Unfortunately, it isn’t possible for every child to have a pet however. There are many circumstances that can prevent families from being able to incorporate a pet into their lives. This could include allergies, illness, finances, housing rules, travel schedules and more.

If you fall into this group, you can still provide opportunities for your children to receive the benefit of animal interaction. Take a day trip to a local farm. It doesn’t have to be advertised as a petting farm. Many farms will allow families to meet their animals. Call ahead and see if you can arrange a time to visit when your child will be able to touch and possibly feed the animals. Let the owners know your spouse is on deployment and they might be even more inclined to have you over.

Horses have an amazing effect on children. If you can, take your children to a horse ranch while your spouse is on deployment. Check with your MWR; many Army garrisons for example have stables with equestrian services. Horses are great therapy animals.

The Tufts study showed that horses can reduce the level of stress in children that suffer from PTSD. Horses respond to children’s body language.

One of the symptoms of PTSD is being either hyper-aroused or under-aroused, and horses react to that –avoiding the jittery kids and ignoring those who are emotionally detached. In order to interact positively with their therapy horses, the children must learn to better regulate their own fight or flight response. By taking deep breaths and employing other techniques, they can lower their heart rate and relax their muscles.

You don’t necessarily need to sign up for equestrian-assisted therapy. Perhaps, plan a family day at a ranch, take an hour-long lesson or even enroll your child in equestrian camp. That would certainly be a great way to take their mind off deployment.

The interaction between children and animals is amazing and there are so many benefits to building this relationship. If your child is having problems coping with the stress of a deployment, consider adding a pet to your family or incorporating time with animals into your regular schedule.

Does your family have a pet? How does your pet help you or your children during a deployment?

29 Ways to Tell Your Spouse You Love Them

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Love is in the air and Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.

29 Simple Ways to Tell Your Spouse You Love Them

What are your tips and tricks for keeping love alive in your military marriage?

As a military couple you know how special your time is together. You want to tell your spouse how much you love them.

Here are 29 simple ways to do so.

  1. Leave them a love note. Leave love notes around the house for them to find. Put some in their suitcase if they are about to go somewhere. They can find them and read them later on.
  2. Make their favorite meal. Everyone loves to eat a good meal. Cook up their favorite without telling them. They will love to see that you thought about them enough to plan their favorite meal.
  3. Send them an email. If your spouse is gone, show them love by sending them a quick email. Tell them what you love the most about them.
  4. Send them a text. Text messaging is also a great way to share how you feel.
  5. Write them a love letter. If you have more time, write them a love letter. Make the letter at least 3 pages and then either send it to them in the mail or leave the letter out for them to read when they are home.
  6. Do the dishes. Sometimes doing a chore your spouse normally does themselves can help show them love. This takes the stress off and they will be very happy you took the time to lessen their load.
  7. Tell them. Sometimes just stopping them in the hallway and saying, “I love you” can mean a lot. Especially if you both have been really busy lately.
  8. Buy them something cute. Does your spouse have her eye on some cute earrings? What about some new pens? Surprise your spouse with a small gift.
  9. Clean their car.This is a great way to show someone you care. Wash their car for them so the next time they go to drive somewhere the car feels nice and clean.
  10. Buy them a book. Does your spouse like to read? Buy them a new book. They will love that.
  11. Give them a framed photo. These always make the best gifts, especially if they are deployed or away from home.
  12. Pack a care package. If your spouse is deployed, send them a love-themed care package filled with goodies.
  13. Write “I love you” in the snow. If there is snow, write how much you love them in the snow, take a photo and send the picture to them if they are not at home right now.
  14. Take care of the children for the night. If your spouse is normally the one to handle bedtime, offer to take over. Having a break from the kids works wonders.
  15. Flowers. Always a good way to let someone know you love them.
  16. Chocolate. Who doesn’t like chocolate?
  17. Have lunch together. Plan to meet up with them during the workday. Have a nice lunch date. Lunchtime is a great way to spend some time together.
  18. Draw a picture. This can be a fun gift. Draw a picture of your life together.
  19. Do their laundry. Take this chore off of their plate. Do their laundry for them, fold it and put the clothes away.
  20. Give them a hug. Very simple but does the trick.
  21. Give them kisses. Random kisses are a great way to show love.
  22. Be there. Just be around, be open to talk, be there for them.
  23. Tell them what you love about them. Sometimes we get so busy with life. Spend some time telling your spouse what you love about them.
  24. Watch a movie together. Pick something out after the kids go to bed. If they are deployed make plans to watch the movie and talk about what you thought about it afterwards.
  25. Watch their favorite TV show with them. Sometimes showing love is sitting down and watching a television show we might not enjoy that our spouse does.
  26. Send photos. If they are deployed, send them photos on a regular basis.
  27. Send a homemade gift. Make something for your spouse. They will love the item knowing your hands made something for them.
  28. Find songs that remind you of them. We don’t make mixed tapes anymore but we can always send a playlist of songs that remind us of them.
  29. Plan a vacation. Pick a place you have both wanted to go and plan a trip. This is a great way to show love to each other.

Even the simplest of actions can go a long way when celebrating how much you love someone. Whether they are home or in a faraway place. Take the time to tell your spouse how much you love and care for them.

What are your tips and tricks for keeping love alive in your military marriage?

 

Service Members: Filing Their Taxes

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January is here, which means the holidays are over and you should be thinking about taxes. Whether you plan to do your taxes yourself or take them in for an accountant to handle, you need to think about getting ready to do them.

5 Things Military Service Members Need to Know About Filing Their Federal and State Taxes

Taxpayers have until Monday, April 18, 2016, to file their 2015 tax returns.

Here is a list of 5 things that military families need to know about filing federal and state income taxes. Make sure to go over these and apply them to your situation.

Free Tax Assistance On Post Most military installations will offer free tax filing assistance through the on-post tax center. This can be very helpful because you can make an appointment to get your taxes done and have someone with experience do them for you for free. A lot of military members take advantage of this service. Check and see what is available at your duty station. You probably do have to make an appointment ahead of time.

Free Tax Online Programs If you want to do your taxes online using a tax program you should learn about the free options for service members.

H&R Block at Home, TaxAct, TaxSlayer and TurboTax offer free tax preparation software for your federal taxes.

Keep in mind that in most cases you will have to pay for the state part of your return. That will depend on which state you are filing with and you should figure out what the fees will be for your particular state. Some states do not have an income tax and others do not tax members of the military.

Tax-Exempt Income When you are serving in the military, not all of your income is taxable. You do not have to pay taxes on combat pay. This is important to remember, especially if you were deployed for the whole calendar year.

BAH, BAS, uniform allowances, moving and travel pay and educational payments are also not taxable. This means that the amount that you make that you have to pay taxes on is a lot lower than what you brought in. Luckily, any tax program you use is going to know how to get you the best refund when you are dealing with combat pay and other extra military expenses that are not taxable.

One thing to remember is that in order to qualify for the EITC (Earned Income Tax Credit) you have to have a minimum of a certain amount of taxable income.

Military Deductions There are a few tax deductions that service members need to know about. You can deduct some of your uniform expenses, some of the job and travel expenses you may have had when getting out of the military as well as travel of more than 100 miles if you are a part of the Reserves.

Extension of Time to File Taxes If you have served in a combat zone or outside of the United States, then you should be able to extend the time you need to complete your taxes to October 15. This can come in handy for a lot of people serving and makes their lives a little easier.

And finally, new to 2016, active duty, Guard, Reserve and retirees will need their proof of health care coverage (IRS Form 1095) when filing their federal tax returns for 2015 as part of the federal Affordable Care Act. The Defense Finance and Accounting Service will be providing this information to members of the military. This form will also be available online through your myPay account. Look for it in the taxes section.

As a member of the military, you don’t want to miss out on these tax breaks and benefits that you are entitled to. They can help you keep more money at tax time and they are the reason a lot of military families receive a tax return each year.

Find a place to get your taxes done that you can feel comfortable with and be aware of what you can do to make filing taxes a little easier on yourself.

What questions do you have about filing taxes?

Dear Santa, Military Spouses Really Want…

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This year, I’m having a very difficult time putting together my Christmas wish list and the same goes with my husband. We had the “what do you want for Christmas?” conversation as we were putting together our tree over the Thanksgiving weekend and couldn’t pinpoint anything specific to get one another.

What Military Spouses Really Want for Christmas

What do you want for Christmas?

In reality, we both already have what we truly want, especially for this holiday season. I get to see my family and spend it with my husband. I’m the happiest of campers!

That brought me to think about what us, military spouses, actually want for Christmas.

Sometimes, it’s not something that our families can buy for us. Instead, it’s a feeling, desire or something we can’t really grasp with our hands that we want for the holidays. It’s those certain things that military spouses value more than a new gift wrapped under the tree.

Military life presents circumstances that other families don’t get to endure. Despite some of the things that we may not actually get this holiday season, there is always a silver lining to our wishes that we have to remember.

Here is a short list of true desires that I feel like are on military spouses’ minds during the holiday season.

Dear Santa, this Christmas I really want…

…to locate that significant item lost from your last PCS.

We had a winter PCS to northern Virginia that took place in January 2014. My husband was coming back from an overseas assignment and spent some time in Texas before he had to report in early February 2014. When we were settling into our new home, I realized that the very first Christmas present my husband gave me when we were dating was missing. It’s a silver tennis bracelet that I adored.

I pretty much turned our new home inside out without avail. Ironically enough, my mom wrapped up a special present for me for Christmas 2014. She found that bracelet in my old bedroom as she was preparing for my holiday arrival.

Military spouses may not always find that trinket lost, so those memories become what we treasure. I was so happy it was found, but the moment that my husband gave me that gift is what I take with me.

…to spend the holidays with family from far away.

The holiday season brings joy to us and also inflated airline prices for travel! Military families have to pick and chose their battles as far as spending a great deal of time and possible money to see their extended family. Thank you supply and demand.

Despite the monetary challenge that military spouses face for travel, we have wonderful tools that help keep us connected for virtually no money. The Internet is amazing and we can practically see each other no matter where we are located. I was able to “be in the room” when my dad blew out his candles in September for his birthday.

…to have my service member home for the holidays.

Deployment rears its ugly head more times than we’d like, which can take away our loved one from us for Christmas. It stinks when it does. I don’t think I’ve ever met a military spouse that thought otherwise.

My husband was overseas for the 2014 holiday season and I’ll admit I might have complained about it more than once. But, military spouses really do have it nice with technology. When duty calls for our service member, there are ways military spouses can connect with them, similarly to our separated family members.

My father would tell me stories of him having to wait in the USO to use the phones there to call my mom when he was away. Also, he would have to wait for snail mail of Polaroids to keep track of my growth as a child.

Military spouses can use smartphones to email photos to their service member and vise versa. I was lucky to get to see my spouse on Christmas and New Year’s Day, while he was away.

What do you think military spouses really want for Christmas?