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How Does Tricare Work When You ‘Move Home’ for the Deployment?

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Fate has a peculiar sense of humor when it comes to military families.

Over the years, I swear no sooner had I

a) gotten settled in at a job I loved

b) found out I was pregnant

c) gotten settled in a job I loved and found out I was pregnant at the same time,

did my hubby call me up and say, “So, I just came down on orders for deployment.”

And while I had my share of long visits with family, I never made the choice that many military spouses make to move back home during a deployment. Being the one left to manage the homefront while your service member is down range isn’t dangerous, but it can be overwhelming. Medical issues, kids and just plain old loneliness make moving into your parents’ basement or a studio apartment up the street from your best friend very tempting.

In hindsight, moving back to a guaranteed support system and a familiar place would have probably lowered my stress level tremendously.

How Does Tricare Work When You "Move Home" for the Deployment?

Tricare makes it very easy to get medical care, no matter where you live.

If you are contemplating moving home during a deployment, you may be wondering how or if Tricare coverage will work for your family. Can you seek treatment in a location other than your duty station? What if home is on the other side of the county? What if it’s on the other side of the world?

Here’s what you need to know about Tricare coverage if going home makes the most sense for you.

Tricare has made it very easy to get medical care, no matter where you live. And no matter where you move, you’ll still be covered.

Most active-duty families are enrolled in Tricare Prime. More often than not, if you move to a location within the United States you’ll be able to stay enrolled in Tricare Prime, but there are a few caveats:

  1. If you live within 30 minutes of a Military Treatment Facility (MTF) and they have Primary Care Managers availability, you MUST use that facility for care. If they do not have a PCM availability, you will need to pick a PCM from an approved network of doctors.
  2. If you live more than 30 minutes, but no more than 100 miles away from a MTF and they have a PCM availability, you can apply to receive care there, but the decision is made at the facility’s discretion. If they do not have availability, you will need to pick a PCM from an approved network of providers.
  3. If there is no available MTF or network PCM, it may be necessary to enroll in a different Tricare plan. These might include Tricare Standard or Tricare Standard Overseas. To check to see which plan is available in your area, use the Plan Finder tool on the Tricare website.

As you might imagine, Tricare service providers don’t exactly have a crystal ball, so if you are planning on moving, you will need to let them know. It’s as easy as a quick phone call, but don’t forget to do it or you may find it difficult to receive care or worse yet, end up with a bill. Plan and treatment options are based on the address where you will be living (see the caveats above).

If you need some time to find a place to live that’s OK, just make sure you get any routine care before moving. You can seek urgent and emergency care out of region while you are moving, but things like physicals will likely not be covered while you are in transit.

When the time comes and you are ready to move back to be with your service member, don’t forget to let Tricare know you are switching back.

Did you decide to move home during a deployment? Did you have any issues with using your Tricare insurance while living away from a military base?

How to Talk with Your Military Kid’s Teacher About a Deployment

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During deployments and long separations, as parents, we take on a lot more responsibility and stress. The same is true for our kids.

Our worries for our spouse’s safety are shared by our children. They are also taking on more responsibility at home. Your children are missing their parent and learning to navigate a one-parent household. On top of all of that, they are going to school 5 days a week and working extremely hard.

These stressors cause different reactions. For children, they could experience increased anxiety or depression. Your child may begin acting out, exhibiting aggression and anger or even retreating from socializing with friends. Grades could take a dip or a dive. Or your child might become obsessed with making everything perfect, from grades to appearance to emotions.

Often our children’s teachers are the first to notice these changes in behavior and academic achievements.

That’s why it’s super important to keep your school and teachers in the loop as your family preps for deployment. However, deployments and even long TAD/TDY assignments come with risks and need-to-know information.

How to Talk to Your Military Kid's Teacher About a Deployment

Teachers can be your biggest ally during deployment.

How to Talk with Your Military Child’s Teacher About a Deployment Without Violating OPSEC/PERSEC

Be Honest

At least as honest as you can be. You should share the basics:

  • The general deployment window, but not a specific date. Say: “My spouse will be deploying within the next 2 months.”
  • The general deployment length. Say: “We expect she will be gone for 6 to 9 months.”
  • Your plans for pre-deployment. Say: “We will be taking a trip before my spouse leaves. My children will miss about a week of school. Please let me know how they can best make up the work they will miss.”
  • The general homecoming window, as it approaches. Say: “We expect that he will return in a month.”
  • More homecoming details, as they are released and cleared by your unit’s public affairs office. Say: “We think she might be home in March.”
  • Your plans for the period right after the homecoming. Say: “I will email you the day before our scheduled homecoming. I will be keeping our children home for a day or so to spend time as a family. Please let me know how they can complete any work they might miss.”

It’s super important that you not share exact locations, troop movements or departure/return dates. The fewer people who know these details, the better. Share what you must, when you must, in order to make sure your child’s teacher and school are on the same page.

Include Others as Needed

It’s also important to include administration and school counselors, psychologists or social workers. You can share even less information to these people. Generally, they will only get involved if there is a major issue or concern. Your child might see a school mental health counselor, psychologist or social worker if there is a deployment support group at their school.

If you need to share, you should:

  • Give the basics. Say: “My spouse is currently away on assignment for several months.”
  • Address the situation at hand. Say: “I wonder if my spouse’s absence might be one of the causes behind (concern). I would like to explore this further and find ways to support my child as a team.”

Request Discretion

When you share your family’s deployment with school faculty and staff, you also need to include a request for confidentiality. Even if your spouse is in a “safe” area, your family is still down a person and open to additional concerns at home. It’s very easy to let information slip out about troop movements, return dates, ship names and families that are missing an adult.

Ask your teacher, school administrators and mental health staff to keep all deployment information strictly confidential. Explain:

“My spouse will be away from home. This is need-to-know information that I am sharing with you so that we can work together to help my child through this challenging time.”

Occasionally, sharing information with other teachers can help your child’s teacher to find new solutions to challenges. Request:

“If you feel like asking another staff member for advice or solutions is necessary, I would ask that you let me know before you share information. If you can make such requests without sharing my child’s identity or other specific details, that would be great. If you do need to share personal information, I would like to be included in the email chain or be told what will be shared.”

Generally, help teachers and others to understand that what you are sharing is not for public discussion or knowledge. It is need-to-know only.

Teachers can be your biggest ally during deployment. Make sure to build your team beforehand. How do you include your teacher on your deployment success team? Share your tips in the comments.

The Hardest Part of Being a Military Spouse

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In September, I will have been a proud Army wife for 19 years.

I’ve had it easier than some as I grew up in a military family, watched both of my parents put on a uniform on a daily basis until they retired my senior year of high school. I traveled abroad and across this country. I embraced the good and then stuck alongside my spouse. Along the way, we’ve raised 3 amazing kids and the official countdown to retirement has begun. The light at the end of that particular tunnel is just under 2 years away.

As I look back over my time as a military spouse, there is much to celebrate, much to be proud of and only a handful of regrets. Surprisingly, the hardest part of this entire journey has only recently come to light.

Hubby and I sat at the kitchen table, him with a cup of coffee, me drafting the weekly shopping list. The conversation turned to the future, as it often does, and I asked him what he wanted to with his life after he retired from the Army. As the words left my lips, a startling reality took root in my gut.

What was I going to do after he retired? Who was I if not an active-duty Army wife?

Somewhere in the midst of all the PCS orders and moving boxes, at one of the countless unit functions or while watching his boots go from black to brown, I had pinned a shiny, golden “exemplary military spouse” badge to my chest and let it define who I was and how I lived my life.

The Hardest Part of Being a Military Spouse

My standard answer to “tell us about yourself,” was always “Proud Army wife and mother of 3.” But is that really all I am?

He took a sip of his coffee and rattled off his new career wish list, the beginning stages of a plan of attack for his transition forming as he spoke. I sat trying to stay calm and not let on that I was staring straight into the face of an honest-to-God identity crisis.

Who was I going to be after the Army? Who was I now?

How many jobs had I passed up or quit because the “needs of the Army” meant the needs of our family became my sole responsibility?

How many times had the powers-that-be seemed to foresee pending natural disasters or medical emergencies and sent my spouse off into the world to do his duty, while leaving me to pick up the pieces?

How many times had I swallowed my own fears and wants so as not to be a burden to my service member as he carried the weight and responsibility of leadership on his shoulders?

How many times had I polished that “exemplary military spouse” badge and told myself that sacrifice was a a requirement? That duty to country trumped all other needs? Would I be able to handle a change of priorities?

The Army has given me a community, a way of life, but it also repeatedly put me at a crossroads between living my own dreams and being the support system my service member needed while he chased his.

It has provided the financial stability that has allowed me to start a business, complete a degree and buy a home. But it has also forced me to put any and all of those things on the back burner when duty calls.

Up until that moment, the standard answer to “tell us about yourself,” was always

“Proud Army wife and mother of 3.”

But is that really all I am?  When the day arrives that I am no longer married to the military, how will I lead off?

True to form, I kept my concerns about my future to myself and finished up the shopping list. As we headed to the commissary it occurred to me that of all of the challenges I had faced as a military spouse, the hardest part, it would seem, was developing a sense of self that would sustain me for the majority of life that would come after the Army.

I am still coming to terms with the idea that life will go on, even if we don’t hear revelry and retreat. Even if there are no longer combat boots in the foyer. Even if I have to start checking the box, “retiree spouse.” I am, however, incredibly thankful for the life I’ve had as a military spouse. The lessons learned will make my journey of self-discovery easier. Of that, I’m certain.

Maybe the hardest part of this whole thing hasn’t been the separations. Maybe it hasn’t been the worry about where he is or when he’ll be home. Maybe it hasn’t even been the struggle to figure out who I am in the shadow of his service.

Maybe the hardest part of being a military spouse will be leaving it behind.

What do you think is the hardest part of being a military spouse? We would love to hear your story. Share it in the comments section.

How to Get Through an Emergency While Your Spouse Is Deployed

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Without fail, if something is going to go wrong it will happen while your spouse is on deployment. It is the Murphy’s Law of the military and many military spouses say you haven’t been through a deployment until something has gone wrong.

How to Get Through an Emergency While Your Spouse Is Deployed

Have you handled an emergency situation while your service member was on deployment?

Here are 6 emergency situations military spouses may face during a deployment and how to get through them.

Natural Disaster

No matter where you are stationed, there is always a possibility of a natural disaster. This could include flooding, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, mud slides, tsunami and more.

What plans do you have in place in case of a natural disaster while your spouse is on deployment?

Before deployment, create a disaster kit together. This should include 1 gallon of water per person per day for 3 days, a 3-day supply of nonperishable food, a battery powered radio and spare batteries, flashlights, a first aid kit and cellphone chargers.

If you are required to evacuate, having a plan is extremely helpful. Before deployment, make sure your spouse provides an emergency contact list for you. This should have contact information for his or her command as well as the key spouse such as the ombudsman. Know who you should contact first in an emergency. Plan where you will go if you need to evacuate and bring your emergency contact list with you.

Fire and Loss of Home

Losing your home to a fire would be devastating.

One thing on my husband’s to-do list before deployment is to change the smoke detector batteries.

Sit down with your family and determine what you will do in case of a fire. Everyone needs to get out of the house and have a designated meeting area. Choose an area far enough away from the house, such as the mailbox or the street light across the street.

After you’ve ensured everyone is safe and have called emergency services, you will want to contact your spouse’s command. They can notify your husband or wife about the situation and provide support.

Call your family and friends to let them know you are OK and find a place for your family to go. You’ll want to contact your insurance company and have your house evaluated quickly so repairs can be made.

The Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society can help with replacing items lost to the fire as well as with grants or interest-free loans for home repairs.

Gas Leak

I had a gas leak while my husband was on deployment. If your house runs on gas make sure you have carbon monoxide detectors.

If you smell gas or your CO detectors go off, get out of the house immediately. Call 911 and the gas company.

Contact the command to let them know so they can alert your spouse as well. If you or your children feel sick at all, go to the emergency room. Gas poisoning symptoms present like the flu. You may need to find a place to stay that night as well.

Serious Illness or Pregnancy Complication

When a serious illness strikes an immediate family member during deployment, the possibility of going home to help is there. Immediate family includes:

  • father
  • mother
  • sibling
  • spouse
  • spouse’s parents
  • children

If you are having a pregnancy complication that puts your life or the child’s life in danger, you can seek help this way as well. First contact the service member’s command to let them know what is going on and ask about having your spouse sent home.

You can also contact the American Red Cross Hero Care Center either by phone at 1-877-272-7337 or online.

Serious Accident and Hospitalization

If you or your family members are in a serious accident make sure you contact the command to let them know. They will get word to the service member and he or she may be able to come home.

It is important to have a plan in place in case something happens to you. Before your spouse left for deployment, they likely made a will.

  • Do you have a living will?
  • Who will take your children immediately if you are seriously injured in an accident?

Make an appointment or stop by the legal assistance office at your military installation. They can provide a will worksheet for you to fill out to begin the process of creating a will. It answers many common questions people have about wills.

Once you have completed it, a lawyer needs to review it and make it legal. If you have children, in the will you can designate who they go to if you are unable to care for them. Before you designate a person or family, make sure you discuss it with them.

Consider who will take your children immediately if you are sent to the hospital unexpectedly. Ask a local friend if they would be willing to look after your children short term.

Death in the Family

If someone in the service member’s immediate family passes away during deployment, his or her command and the Red Cross may be able to get them home. Discuss with your spouse before deployment what your family wants to do in such a situation.

  • Will the service member be able to or want to come home for the funeral?
  • Who will take your children and how will you get to the service?

Disaster can strike at any time, but for some reason it tends to happen when a loved one is on deployment. Having a plan in place for each of these instances can save you time and grief.

Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Talk with your spouse, family and friends and determine which path you will take if an emergency arises while your spouse is on deployment.

Have you faced an emergency during a deployment? What advice would you give military spouses to help them plan for emergencies and natural disasters?

5 Easy Meals to Make When Your Spouse Is Deployed

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A reader recently asked for meal planning suggestions for when her service member is gone for deployment. Most of us prepare normal meals while the entire family is home, but once a spouse deploys that goes out the window. It certainly does in my house at least.

My husband likes to eat a full meal made up of a meat, 2 vegetables and a starch. That takes a lot of forethought to make a menu, purchase the groceries and cook.

When my husband deploys, that worry goes out the window and another one enters my mind.

What am I going to feed my 3 year old that does not like to eat? What can I prepare that takes the least amount of time and effort but is still healthy?

I feel like I waste so much food because it is hard to cook for just the two of us. So what’s the solution to eating healthy and not wasting food? It’s meal preparation.

It can be daunting coming up with ideas for meals. The key is to plan ahead so you aren’t staring at the fridge at 5 p.m. wondering what you’re going to make. Ask friends for suggestions, pick up a cookbook or scour Pinterest for recipe ideas.

Here are 5 meals to cook for your children when your spouse is deployed.

Chicken Pot Pie Casserole

Megan Porta from pipanddebby.com has a delicious chicken pot pie casserole recipe for an easy weekday dinner. You can get a head start on it by chopping the carrots and onion the night before and storing them in a Ziplock bag in the fridge.

No need to worry about making the pie crust. You can pick up a refrigerated pie crust at the commissary.

Related: DeCA Dietitian Encourages ‘Thinking Outside the Box’

It only takes a few minutes on the stove before you pop it in the oven. That gives you plenty of time to catch up on how your child’s day.

Once they’ve tasted it, this casserole will become one of your favorite go-to meals.

30-Minute Skillet Lasagna

Who has time to make lasagna from scratch when there are kids running around? Forget all the layering; Samantha at Five Heart Home walks you step by step through a fantastic 30-minute skillet lasagna. Italian meals tend to feed an army, but this recipe feeds only six.

Don’t worry, it freezes and reheats great if there are only a few little ones to feed besides yourself.

Chicken Taco Salad

The Pioneer Woman will have you laughing as you cook up this tasty chicken taco salad. Her humor is fantastic. Follow her recipe for a fun dinner everyone will enjoy.

Yes, it is a salad and while many children don’t go crazy over salad, what child is going to turn down chips with dinner? Prepare the ingredients ahead of time and then let the kids mix their own salad.

Muffin Pan Frittatas

When planning your meals for the week, don’t forget breakfast. I like to sneak vegetables into my son’s breakfast without him knowing. This muffin pan frittata recipe is a winner. While it calls for asparagus and bell peppers, you can change that up with vegetables you prefer. I like zucchini and broccoli.

Pussycat Pizza Recipe

I love this fun cat pizza recipe Jennifer Cheung posted on Kidspot. You can consider yourself worldly after making this one as the recipe is from New Zealand. Note that it says to heat the oven to 220 degrees Celsius, that translates to 425 degrees. Let your kids decorate their own cat face pizzas. They’ll have fun in the kitchen with you and the pizza will be gone before you know it.

These are a few delicious meals to try with your children. Search for other kid-friendly meals in the MilitaryShoppers’ recipe database or pick up a recipe card at the commissary in the produce or meat section.

What meals do you prepare when you are cooking for only yourself and your kids during a deployment? Share your favorite recipes with the MilitaryShoppers’ recipe contest.

8 Photo Ops Every Military Couple Should Take Advantage Of

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When I was a kid, one of my favorite things to do on a rainy afternoon was to look through old family photo albums. Not many of us take the time anymore to print out duplicate prints and bind them up into a notebook-sized trip down memory lane, but we are still a culture of pictures.

There are milestone photos of the kids, of course. Then there’s the annual family photo and the wallet-sized school pictures.

But are you forgetting to take photos that document your relationship with your spouse or significant other too?

Just like keeping the stubs from the concert tickets you got for your birthday or the hand-painted trinket from your cruise last summer, photos with your spouse help you to remember the journey you’ve taken together. Whether you keep them in a three-ring binder or in a virtual photo bucket somewhere in the cloud, make sure you remember to point the camera lens at the two of you together.

8 Photo Ops Every Military Couple Should Take Advantage Of

A promotion is a big day in your service member’s career. Don’t forget to ask someone to snap a photo of the two of you.

Need some ideas for what pictures to take? Here are my top 8 photo opportunities all military couples should take advantage of:

Photos Documenting the Military Service Journey

Military service provides the security for your relationship, and quite frankly, nothing reminds me more of the reasons that made me fall in love with my husband than seeing him in uniform. My guess is I’m not the only one. So make sure you snap a photo or two of you and your spouse whenever you attend official military functions.

  • Promotions. This is a big day in every service member’s career, but it is also a milestone for your life together. Plus it gives you a great visual of the uniform evolution you’ve seen together. Don’t forget to take a photo at your service member’s reenlistment ceremonies too.
  • Graduations. They’ve put in the hours of work studying and training, and you’ve likely been left to manage the homefront so they can focus solely on advancement. Graduation photos are a way to celebrate a spouse’s military achievement.
  • Retirement. Like the light at the end of a very long tunnel, make sure you take the time to bask in the celebration that comes with retirement from military service. They’ve done the time in uniform, but you’ve been there too. A great photo of the two of you during the ceremony or the after celebration is a must-have photo.
  • Birthday Balls and Galas. It’s not often we get to call the military lifestyle glamorous, so take advantage while you can. Best part? These events often hire photographers, so all you have to do is show up and smile.
  • Farewells and Homecomings. These are some of the most important photos to have, not only for posterity, but to keep close during separations. Take the time to take a photo of every goodbye and every return. In those moments when the relationship requires a little extra work or distance brings loneliness, these photos are a great reminder of how much you mean to each other.
8 Photo Ops Every Military Couple Should Take Advantage Of

Take the time to take a photo of every goodbye and every military homecoming.

Photos Documenting Your Relationship Journey

There are the standard must-haves like wedding and anniversary photos, but those are one day out of the year and aren’t often a true representation of your life together. Annual family photos are a great way to make sure you capture the kids as they grow (and yourselves as you age!), but they don’t capture the candid, funny and intimate moments that make the everyday so special.

  • Laughing Together. There are some that say a relationship filled with laughter is one destined to last forever. Even if it’s a selfie or a quick pic taken by the passerby you snag at the park, make sure you capture a funny moment now and then.
  • Hobbies. If the two of you are known to tear up the dance floor, swing a mean backhand or cook up a 7-course feast, make sure you capture you and your significant other in action. Not only will it serve as a reminder of all the things you love to do together, but it’s a great way to capture how doing those things might change or have to be modified with each duty location. Tennis in Alaska anyone? How about skiing in Texas?
  • Travel. Seeing the world (or even various parts of the United States) is a huge perk of military service, so make sure you take advantage of it. And don’t forget to take your camera. While you are filling your SD card with images of castles in England, Mount Fuji, or the California coastline, don’t forget to jump into the frame with your spouse. Memories are often fleeting. A picture will help you remember how clear the sky was that day or how cold the wind was, and how amazing it felt to be there…together.

Do you love taking photos? Submit your favorite photo with your service member to MilitaryShoppers’ monthly photo contest today.

Are the Challenges of Military Life Worth It?

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At the end of the year, I find myself feeling a little introspective. This year has brought a lot of ups and downs, but perhaps the most monumental aspect of this year for my family is this:

we had our last military move.

Retirement is just around the corner. I’m not sure I even believe it yet. I grew up traveling the world with 2 active-duty parents. I took the oath of enlistment myself and then settled into the familiar life of a military spouse.

Every single moment of the first 40 years of my life has been influenced by the military community.

I have never known health care that wasn’t Tricare. Words like PX, PCS, TDY and ACUs are a part of my regular vocabulary. I have seen countless iterations of uniforms, moved from one side of the world to the other, and started and left more jobs than I can count.

As I think about this past year and imagine what a fast-approaching civilian future might look like, I have to wonder if the challenges we’ve faced as a military family have been worth it.

It’s a question not easily answered and so I did what any military spouse would do. I leaned on my military community and asked them: what are the biggest challenges of our particular lifestyle?

I empathized with their responses, and it wasn’t long before I noticed that almost every challenge listed was directly tied to the transient nature of our lifestyle. With that in mind, I sat down and gave some thought to this particular aspect of my life. Has moving 19 times been worth it?

Change Moving Is Never Easy

No matter your MOS or career field, this is one aspect of our military life that we all share in.

Often it’s a hassle, sometimes it’s an adventure, but it is always stressful.

Making sure you can find adequate housing, ensuring the school district is acceptable, finding a new job, setting up a new support system, picking a new primary care physician, figuring out which gate is open, the list goes on and on. I can honestly say that even though I have done all of these things many times, they never get any easier.

Moving is exciting when it’s just a set of orders and a daydream about the possibilities, but a nightmare when your entire life is packed into boxes, your spouse is headed out to God knows where for who knows how long, and you don’t even know where the closest grocery store is.

And then there is the separation. Separation from a spouse sent on deployment or TDY. Separation from extended family. Separation from the friends and co-workers who became your surrogate family when you first arrived at the new military installation.

As I sat reliving the stress and strain of military life, I could feel my blood pressure begin to climb.

And then it hit me. The lessons this life has taught me are invaluable.

Lessons Blessings in Disguise

If I had never traveled the world, I wouldn’t have lived in the beautiful, red brick townhome in England. Never had milk delivered in glass bottles right to our door. Never discovered that boiled Brussels sprouts are entirely unpalatable. I would never have played hide-and-seek in the small grove of olive and apricot trees on Crete. Never learned to swim in the Mediterranean.

If I hadn’t changed schools ever couple of years, I would have missed out on friendships that forever changed the way I saw the world and understood people. I would never have listened to a foreign friend tell me her secret dream was to one day become an American.

If I hadn’t said goodbye to countless friends, I would never have had the chance to say hello to so many others.

If I hadn’t waved goodbye to my spouse, I might never have learned that I am strong, smart and able to take care of our household on my own. And I would never have been able experience the sweet relief of watching him walk through the front door unharmed.

If I hadn’t agreed to quit a job to go where the Army sent us, I might never have learned how to make giant Christmas bows or develop a database or process a mortgage. I might never have learned how to create websites or work in social media.

I might never have learned that friendship, comradery, resiliency and a sense of duty will always trump adversity.

So has military life been worth it? For me, I think the answer is undeniably, yes.

How would you answer this question: Knowing what you know now, would you live your military life all over again?

Military Discounts for When Your Service Member Is Deployed

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Have you looked into military discounts and freebies for deployment items? I love free and discounted things. As yet another deployment looms shortly ahead for my service member, I, at least, have some of these military discounts to look forward to.

Here is a list of 11 military discounts and freebies you should consider while your spouse is deployed.

Create a Free Welcome Home Sign with Build a Sign

Build a Sign offers the option of 1 free welcome home vinyl banner, jumbo card or yard sign to present to your loved one at the end of their deployment. You only have to pay for shipping.

They suggest ordering 8 weeks before you need it, but you can choose a quicker shipping option. Expedited shipping costs more.

Free Lawn Care and Snow Removal for Military Spouses

Project EverGreen offers free lawn and landscape services and snow and ice removal for military spouses while their service member is on deployment.

I signed up for this service when my husband deployed after moving to an area where it snows. Being from the South, I’ve never shoveled snow. I was relieved to find local people and lawn care companies registered with the EverGreen Project to help me while my service member was on deployment.

Smile for a Free Family Portrait with HeartsApart

HeartsApart.org brings photographers from around the country together to provide service members with photography sessions, free of charge, with their families prior to deployment. The service member receives a portrait that is printed on a waterproof bi-folded card that can fit in his or her uniform pocket. Their family receives a DVD with the photos from the entire session with reproduction rights.

The program has recently increased to provide photos of newborn babies that are born when their father is on deployment.

Operation Love Reunited Captures Your Homecoming Kiss

Operation Love Reunited offers free photo sessions for military families worldwide when the service member will be on deployment for 4 months or more. Options include pre-deployment and mid-deployment sessions, homecoming photos and fallen loved ones sessions.

Two photo sessions are allowed per deployment. Pre-deployment photo sessions require the service member to be photographed in uniform. Fifteen prints will be shipped directly overseas.

Homecoming photos are taken at the time the military spouse and service member are reunited to capture the raw emotion of being reunited. Fifteen photos will be provided digitally.

Daddy Dolls Offers Comfort to Military Children During Deployments

Daddy Dolls started as comfort pillows for children with fathers on deployment. The front of the pillow is a picture of the service member. What makes Daddy Dolls unique is that the pillow is shaped like a person and the photo is full size to the pillow.

Many of my friends had them for their children and recommended Daddy Dolls to me. I bought one for our son during the last deployment and he has carried it all over town with him.

While there isn’t a specific military discount for these now, you can find discount codes online. They have also expanded their product selection and now offer items with similar sentiment.

Record a Bedtime Story with A Story Before Bed

A Story Before Bed is a wonderful website that allows deployed, or soon to be deployed, service members record a children’s book online with audio and video for free. A wonderful element to this is children can listen to the recording repeatedly on iPad, iPhone, Mac or PC.

Our Military Kids Pays Activity Costs for National Guard Children

This is a nonprofit organization that helps children between kindergarten and 12th grade that have at least one parent in the National Guard and Reserves on deployment. They offer grants to cover the cost of activities that could help children facing stress while their parent is away. The grants cover the cost of athletic fees, fine arts and tutoring programs. It is not available to children of active-duty parents.

Ask for a Military Discount on Your Auto Insurance

Active-duty service members can receive military discounts on auto insurance during deployment. USAA offers up to 60 percent off auto insurance if you choose to store your vehicle during deployment.

GEICO offers up to 15 percent military discount. Check with your insurance carrier to see if it offers a military discount during your service member’s deployment.

Interest Rates May Be Lowered to 6 Percent

Under the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, you can request all interest rates and fees that you have paid on credit cards, mortgages, student loans and other loans be lowered to 6 percent per year.

Freeze Your Service Member’s Cell Phone Account

Many cell phone companies will lover your bill or even freeze your account for the period that a service member is deployed and not using the phone. Under the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, those with at least 90-day orders to an area that does not have cell phone service can cancel their contract without penalty.

Ask Your Bank to Waive Fees

Many banks will lower or even completely waive fees while on deployment. USAA does not charge fees on credit card balance transfers or on convenience checks. Check with your bank to see if they will lower the APR on transactions.

Did we miss any military discounts on deployment items? Please tell us in the comments section.

What I Do When I’m Feeling Lost and Alone

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Silent tears ran down my cheeks. I tried to look straight ahead and listen politely, but my mind was racing with a million questions.

The nurse turned to me and said “sweetie, are you OK?”

I nodded. I wasn’t OK. I wasn’t fine. Inside I was freaking out. Outside I was trying hard to appear calm.

“How often do I need to change the wound dressing?” I asked the nurse.

I was sitting in a surgeon’s outpatient room. I had a minor surgery to remove a cyst near my collarbone. As part of my follow-up care for proper healing and to prevent infection, I needed to have the wound dressing changed twice a day.

“Can I do it myself?” I asked the nurse.

“Of course not. Just ask your husband to do it.” she said.

My husband, of course. That would be the logical solution. But my husband wasn’t at home and wouldn’t be at home that night. He was gone for a week. A military assignment that he couldn’t miss and now I felt lost and alone.

“In that case, ask your mom or your sister,” the nurse said.

I shook my head.

“A close friend?” she offered.

Who in my neighborhood would be the person that I could ask to change the dressings for my minor wound? See even as I type this question, it seems like such a minor thing. But to me at that moment it wasn’t a minor thing.

It was a huge inconvenience. I’m a private person and now I needed to tell an acquaintance that I had a cyst on my collarbone and oh, by the way, can you change my dressings for it?

So embarrassing.

It was a level of friendship that I wasn’t emotionally prepared to climb into with one of my neighbors when I stepped into the surgeon’s office that morning.

I felt so alone. Really truly alone.

Have you ever felt lonely in military life? Do you ever feel so alone even though you are surrounded by the military spouse community?

What I Do When I'm Feeling Lost and Alone

What do you do when you feeling lost and alone?

Feeling lonely is normal. Feeling a little lost and feeling so alone happens to even the most outgoing military spouses. It happens to the perky and positive ones too.

It’s an emotion that can slap you across the face when you realize that you need someone to help you. That’s when I feel alone. I feel alone even though I know I can call any other military spouses in my social circle at any time.

But I know I can’t feel alone for too long. Here’s what I do when I’m feeling alone in military life.

I allow myself to be humble.

In the case of the cyst removal post-surgery care, I need physical help. It wasn’t a pleasant task. It wasn’t like asking a friend out for lunch or coffee. It was a basic medical care kind of request. And there was nothing that this person was going to get out of helping me. No benefit whatsoever.

It’s humbling to ask for help in these kinds of circumstances. You realize all the things that you do independently and take for granted. Depending on the kindness of strangers (even if they are also military spouses) can be a tough pill to swallow.

But in these moments, I allow myself to be humble. I remind myself that it’s perfectly normal to ask for help. In fact, the nurse told me I needed this help. I couldn’t do it myself. I couldn’t be Wonder Woman. I couldn’t be amazingly-awesome-independent military spouse.

In this case, I needed to be a humble, swallow-your-pride military spouse.

I allow myself to forgive.

My immediate reaction to these types of situations is anger toward my husband. Stupid Navy. Stupid deployment. Of course he isn’t here to help me. Of course not. It starts with a seed of frustration, branches off into anger and then flowers with bitter fruit of resentment.

Being mad at my husband for a situation that he can’t control doesn’t bring me any closer to a solution. My anger doesn’t change the fact that I need help and I feel alone.

During these times of loneliness, I allow myself to forgive my husband. Clearly it’s not his mistake. It’s not his error. But I need to tell myself that I forgive him for being gone during this time. Forgiveness brings me a step closer to acceptance. Once I have acceptance that I can’t change his deployment I can focus on what I can control in this situation.

I allow myself to be vulnerable.

When I reflect on periods of loneliness in my life, I find that my feelings of being alone were related to my desire to appear strong instead of weak to others.

I didn’t want others to know that I had a cyst. I didn’t want others to know that I needed help. I worried about what others would think of me instead of allowing myself to be me. I wasn’t allowing myself to be vulnerable.

Being vulnerable is part of friendship. If you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable, your friendship won’t deepen. Trust can’t happen without secrets. Empathy can’t happen without mistakes. Loyalty can’t happen without alliances.

When I allow myself to be vulnerable with a potential friend I am letting this person know that I value her as a friend. I’m ready to trust her with my personal baggage. I’m ready to let her in.

I’m ready to ask her to change my wound dressing.

Finally I don’t feel so alone anymore.

Do you ever feel lonely in military life? What do you do in those moments when you feel so alone? Tell us in the comments section.

Why a Surprise Military Homecoming Is an Awful Idea

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Deployment is almost over! The countdown is only a few weeks, days or hours. I am ready. Kind of.

I still need to clean the house, corral the kids, hose off the pets and pick out a stunning outfit for the BIG DAY.

Except now, here he is. The house is dirty. The kids are running amok. The dog just got skunked and I’m wearing sweats. I am so not ready for this military homecoming!

My worst nightmare is a surprise military homecoming.

Maybe because I’m an ultra Type-A planner who likes to be moderately in control at most times. To me a surprise military homecoming just seems like a bad idea.

First, the whole surprise thing. It’s a random time of day and the doorbell rings. There’s a person wearing some sort of uniform standing at my front door. For me, it would be heart-stopping shock. Not joy, shock about the potential despair that might be coming. All because there is a uniformed person on my doorstep, without warning.

Part of deployment is the mental prep and gamification of it. The countdown is front and center on the fridge. In my mind, I’m ready for X day. With a surprise military homecoming, the spouse or family might not be mentally ready.

Why a Surprise Military Homecoming Is an Awful Idea

A military homecoming doesn’t need to be a surprise to be special for your family.

Along with the mental prep work to welcome a service member home, comes some deep selfishness.

We have been apart for goodness knows how long, and my bed has been empty. The children have not seen their father in forever it seems. And we need that moment of just us-ness.

But a surprise military homecoming takes away that intimacy. They take away the “us-ness” of the moment by bringing other people into the mix.

It’s sheer logistics. Someone else will see him first, be next to him first, drive him first and arrange his first food.

Call me selfish, but the only humans I want to share those firsts with are my children. The deployment has been a build-up to the moment my spouse steps off the bus, plane or out of formation. I need the closure of that very first kiss.

Beyond just the “first” moments, let’s talk about the whole planning aspect of these surprise military homecoming shenanigans.

The service member has to contact someone at home to arrange everything. Someone has to be there to get her. She has to have food and something to drink, plus provide a change of clothes. The props have to be set up in advance, ready to go. Plus, someone has to move the spouse and kids into the correct position at the proper time.

That is a LOT of work. Chances are that the TV crew members don’t help out every person who wants to pull off one of these surprise military homecomings.

Last, but not least, let’s talk about the lies involved with a surprise military homecoming.

The building blocks of marriage are truth and trust.

After months apart, the service member has decided to keep a HUGE secret from his or her spouse: the time and date of return. Not only has she just not mentioned it, the service member has also likely actively engaged in deception to conceal the return window.

Reintegration following deployments is challenging enough without starting off with a giant lie. Failing to be truthful about when you are returning can be extremely hurtful.

Not to mention, the weeks leading up to reunions are unbelievably busy: cleaning, haircuts, notes to school, arranging child care, more cleaning, meal prep and getting children ready to be back in a 2-parent household again.

Just showing up can put a seriously huge (but happy) wrench into a lot of this prep time. Plus, there might be last-minute “distraction” adventures that families have planned to just get through the final few weeks or days.

I know I hit Disneyland an awful lot the month that a year-long deployment was winding down. What if my husband had picked a spontaneous Disney day to “surprise” me? He’d have been locked out while I rode Space Mountain, that’s what.

So, by all means, go right ahead and do your supposed to be fun and emotional surprise military homecoming stuff.

But please, before you get deep into plans, remember that not everyone likes surprises. Some families on the homefront need the non-surprise reunion to wrap their brains around the whole situation.

Trust me, even without the surprise aspect, every military homecoming is full of love.

Now it’s your turn: How do you feel about a surprise military homecoming?