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Alone and Lonely on Valentine’s Day

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*This article was originally published on February 4, 2015.

For whatever reason, my husband always seems to be away from home on Valentine’s Day. He is either away for training, deployed or even at school. This means that ever since we became a military family, I have spent almost every Valentine’s Day alone. I think he was home last year and we didn’t even really know what to do with ourselves. We were so accustomed to spending that holiday away from one another.

Each year, I’m trying to figure out a way to make it through this romantic holiday that the rest of the world seems to be embracing.

 

It would be easy to ignore the day or pretend it isn’t a real holiday. On the other hand, I really want to find ways to make it special even when my love is on the other side of the world.

One way to connect with your spouse during this time is by sending a Valentine’s Day care package. You can take the time to find some of their favorite items to put in the package.  You can make it as romantic as you would like. Make sure that you do send the package in enough time so they get it before February 14.

 

At home, you can make plans to do something fun with your friends or your children. Host a Valentine’s Day play date. Have all the moms bring something to eat and have all the children bring valentines for each other. I have always felt better about missing the holidays with my soldier when I can spend the day with others, especially those who know what it’s like to be alone on those special days.

Treat yourself to a nice dinner. When we were in Germany, I had 2 small children at home with me. It wasn’t possible to take myself out to eat on Valentine’s Day. I also knew if I did, seeing couples together might be hard. I decided to order in my favorite food from a local restaurant. I put the kids to bed early and ate my meal while talking to my husband online. A very modern military way to spend Valentine’s Day. Of course it wasn’t the same as having him home, but it made life a little easier on that day.

Sometimes you just can’t talk to your spouse on Valentine’s Day. This can make it harder but try to remember, it’s only one day. Set up a time to chat as soon as you can and make the day special for your kids and your friends.

I have also found that making Valentine’s Day cookies, putting up a few decorations and thinking about how I fell in love with my soldier can help me embrace the holiday even though we are apart. Sometimes it is the little details that can help you get through the tough days of a deployment or a busy training schedule.

Related: 5 Tips for Saving Money During a Deployment

Missed holidays are going to happen when you are married to someone in the military. There is nothing you can do to change that. You can however make the day a little nicer and plan to have a good holiday anyway.

Is your spouse working, gone for training or deployed on February 14? What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

*This article was originally published on February 4, 2015.

Photo Credit:
© artmim/Adobe Stock

Is Technology Killing the Romance of Deployments?

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Romance is dead!

Technology killed it.

Is Technology Killing the Romance of Deployments?

I miss the low-tech deployments. My husband and I would write each other letters and it was a treat to talk on the phone for 15 minutes.

Gone are the days when people gradually got to know one and another one date at a time. The slow and steady pace of forming a serious relationship has been replaced by search engines, dating apps and social media.

The death of romance is evident in the evolution of technology during deployments.

Before you all start leaving passionate comments about how technology is the source of all romance in your relationships, please hear my experience (which by no means is a reflection or condemnation on your relationship).

Technology Has Invaded Our Deployments

Technology has invaded every aspect of our lives. It is in our cars, homes and schools. We can monitor pets through video, turn lights on and off with a simple command and even adjust the room’s temperature from the comfort of our beds. I admit these are conveniences I enjoy, but I believe technology has made us less connected and allowed us to be less engaged with one another.

During my husband’s first deployment, more than 10 years ago, we would write letters, usually describing our day but mostly expressing our love, our hopes for the future and dreams of our reunion.

Occasionally we were able to speak on the phone. This was a special gift usually delivered in pre-dawn hours. Our calls would only last 15 minutes (if we were lucky) then the operator would break in to inform us our time was limited, in those days I came to hate her.

My husband would wait in line for hours after pulling 24-hour duty for a 15-minute conversation. That dedication, my friends, is romance.

Skype, FaceTime and Facebook Live were not yet invented so the only image of your spouse would be in your thoughts, unless you were lucky enough to catch a glimpse of him in the unit’s newsletter. I can remember holding tight to pictures, trying desperately to remember his face, his eyes and his smile.

I Hoped I Would Recognize Him at His Homecoming

Anticipation for the moment we would lay eyes on each other for the first time in a year would build as the deployment days counted down.

I will never forget our reunions in those early days. Standing on a parade field, feeling my heart pound out of my chest. The buses came rolling by, my breathe trapped in my lungs.

The moment of our homecoming had come.

The band began to play as hundreds of soldiers marching through the trees.

Tears welled in my eyes.

Pride swelled my heart.

I stood for what seemed like hours, searching for his face, hoping I would recognize him after such a long time apart. Then like a fairytale, there he was standing before me, and just like that all was complete in my world.

I Miss the Letter-Writing Deployments When I Believe We Were Truly Able to Miss Each Other

Don’t misunderstand, I appreciate technology. I appreciate the ability to call or text my spouse when I need him, like when I feel defeated by our lawn equipment.

Is Technology Killing the Romance of Deployments?

I believe that technology is killing the romance of deployments.

I appreciate the opportunity for him to watch his children grow even when he’s far away.

But I do miss the low-tech days, when I believe we were truly able to miss each other, to go days, weeks and even months without contact. This time allowed us to appreciate the time we do get together and not take a moment of it for granted.

To this day, we still write letters when my husband is deployed and have only Skyped a few times during a deployment.

I know that seems crazy to most military couples, but it has worked for us for over 15 years.

Do you think technology has helped or harmed romance?

Can My Service Member Go on a Cruise to Mexico?

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Admit it: You’re 100% guilty of vacation shopping. You’re supposed to be checking email but, oops, you’re on the cruise line website again. Or you’re checking the “interested” box for that African safari deal. A super sweet beach vacation in Bali? Yes, please.

Surprising your active duty spouse with a special trip after deployment or for your 10th wedding anniversary is an exciting idea. But before you pay, pump the brakes.

Your service member may be prevented from going to certain locations or even whole countries.

Can My Service Member Go on a Cruise to Mexico?

Every so often, these kinds of questions pop up on military spouse Facebook groups. Someone will ask about booking a vacation to (insert any country) and another member will chime in that it might be off-limits. Then the debate inevitably begins.

One family went to the country in question without issue. Another couple got denied leave to that same location. What’s a vacation-planning military family to do?

U.S. Military Sets Travel Requirements

First, get the facts. There are several guiding documents and websites that military families should consult before planning any foreign travel.

Have your service member talk with their chain of command. There are often specific off-limits areas based on the unit or command. For example, many SoCal units have designated Tijuana, Mexico, as a no-go zone.

There are regional combatant commands located around the world, with each one covering a different geographic region. Each geographic region-specific command also sets travel requirements.

For example, PACOM in the Asia-Pacific region has set the travel requirements for locations in their region of authority. Right now, North Korea and certain parts of the Philippines are off-limits.

Additionally, each unit or command will also have access to the official Foreign Clearance Guide (FCG). This “for official use only” document outlines the travel requirements for countries and regions around the world. The FCG is a DoD-wide guiding document.

Unfortunately, this is truly an FOUO website. The Foreign Clearance Guide website requires a DoD login to access.

U.S. State Department Guidelines

In addition to the DoD, the State Department also issues travel warnings for U.S. citizens. For the average citizen, these warnings might help them to select a safe place to vacation.

However, DoD travel regulations and the State Department travel warnings are closely linked. Based on these documents, regional commands or specific units can declare any location off-limits to troops.

Even if your dream travel destination is categorized as an elevated risk, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s off-limits. However, there might be a few more hoops to jump through.

Submit Your Package Before You Leave

It’s so tempting to just hop a plane and jet to a cool location. Being totally spur of the moment like that is a limited option for active duty troops. It’s even more complicated than just clearing leave dates with the CO too.

When planning overseas travel, it’s important for your service member to get their chain of command involved.

Getting your preferred leave dates approved is the first step. Your spouse’s chain of command should be in the loop about your exact travel destination and itinerary.

There is an official travel package that service members must fill out in order to travel overseas. The Travel Tracker and Individual Antiterrorism Plan (TT/IATP) and Aircraft and Personnel Automated Clearance Service (APACS) should be filled out prior to travel.

Related: 8 Cruise Lines that Offer Military Discounts

Certain locations also have additional training or knowledge requirements. U.S. Forces Korea (USFK) ask military personnel to complete an additional brief before travel. If you’re heading to Jamaica, you’ll need to meet the training requirements for the U.S. Southern Command (SOUTHCOM). U.S. African Command (AFRICOM) and U.S. European Command (EUCOM) have similar training requirements before troops are allowed to proceed on leave.

Individual units might have briefs or trainings that need to be completed before traveling. Or there might be unit-specific paperwork that must be approved.

Keeping the chain of command involved during travel planning can ensure that all boxes have been checked before you leave.

Keep Up with Alerts

Even after all the paperwork has been submitted, approved and tickets have been booked, your trip could still be derailed. Stay on top of the news or at least the State Department travel warnings in your destination as you prep for your trip. Changes in safety could create a chain reaction that restricts travel to locations.

Because of this possibility, particularly in more volatile regions, it’s important to consider travel insurance. In the event of a forced cancellation, you might be able to recoup some of your money. Check with your specific travel insurance provider for plan options and specifics.

Additionally, travelers can alert local U.S. embassies and consulates of their trip. The State Department’s STEP program allows users to register their foreign travel. This could allow local U.S. officials to assist you in the event of an emergency.

Can My Service Member Go on a Cruise to Mexico?

Long story short, they probably can go on the cruise. However, your spouse will need to fulfill all the SOUTHCOM travel requirements, complete travel paperwork and get approval from the chain of command.

As long as your service member remembers to keep their command in the loop, and do their due diligence with paperwork, you should be in the clear!

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Why Deployment Is a Great Time to Launch Your Business

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Starting a business is a huge undertaking so it is only natural to be intimidated and find reasons to put it off until the perfect time.

News flash: There is never a perfect time to launch a business! There will always be obstacles but don’t allow them to stop your entrepreneurial spirit!

Lately, there has been a lot of talk about military spouse employment or rather the lack of employment. One way to combat military spouse unemployment is to create your own career and start a business that is PCS proof.

Deployment is a great time to start achieving your entrepreneurial goals. I know it seems crazy but hear me out. Everyone is always asking “How can I survive a deployment?” The most common answer is to stay busy.

What will keep you busier than launching a business?

Rome was not built in a day and neither will your new business. Creating a business is a process. The first step in the process is to decide what your business will be.

  • Do you have a marketable skill? Do you sew, are you an organizing guru, or a marketing maven?
  • Have you seen a need for a service or a way to improve a product?

These skills and ideas can be transformed into a lucrative business with determination, a solid business plan and a lot of hard work.

Why Deployment Is a Great Time to Launch Your Business

Have you always wanted to start your own business? What are you waiting for? Deployment is a great time to launch your business.

Once you have a business plan it is time to put that plan into action. Why not start as soon as your spouse leaves on a deployment? This will give you something to focus on and will help to fill the gap your spouse’s absence leaves.

Launching a business during a deployment also helps establish reasonable business goals and a firm timeline in which you can strive to accomplish them – emphasis on “reasonable” goals. To say you plan to launch a Fortune 500 business during a nine-month deployment is not only absurd, it will lead to burnout, disappointment and lots of tears.

Reasonable business goals could include completing professional branding, launching your company’s website and social media platforms, creating a media kit and begin soliciting clients. By the end of the deployment, you may not be rolling in the dough, but you will have a strong foundation for a successful business.

The military life is not meant to be lived alone and neither is the journey to entrepreneurship. There are so many resources available to military spouse entrepreneurs from those who have been in your shoes and can help you learn through their experiences.

4 Resources for Military Spouse Entrepreneurs

The MilSpouse Creative was designed by a military spouse entrepreneur. She created a global virtual networking community for military spouse entrepreneurs to connect, collaborate and cultivate.

The Milspo Project is a nonprofit designed to help military spouses make their entrepreneur dreams come true.

The Entrepreneurship Bootcamp for Veterans’ Families (EBV-F) is an education and self-employment training program designed to take advantage of the skills, resources, and infrastructure of higher education to offer training in entrepreneurship and small business management to veterans’ families.

The National Military Spouse Network is a networking, mentoring and professional development organization committed to education, empowerment and advancement of military spouses.

As a military spouse who has experienced more than my fair share of deployments, I know they are long, tiresome and lonely.

I found focusing on goals and achieving them makes me feel a sense of accomplishment and makes the time spent apart more worthwhile.

The idea of starting a business can be overwhelming and a bit scary especially during a deployment but it can also be exhilarating and challenging.

Did you launch a business while your service member was on a deployment? Tell us about your business in the comments section.

4 Military Phrases That Sound Strange When Military Spouses Say Them

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by Amanda Marksmeier

Spend just a few minutes at any military base and you will discover an entirely new language full of odd phrases and acronyms. While terms like PCS, LES and BAH are imperative to a military spouse’s survival, there are some terms that sound quite strange coming from military spouses’ mouths.

4 Common Military Phrases That Sound Strange When Military Spouses Say Them

Hooah and Oorah

“Hooah” is widely used in the Army and Air Force as the standard answer to any question.

“Oorah!” is the Marines’ version.

The military thrives on discipline and obedience so no matter how the service member really wants to respond to “You have extra duty this weekend” they are expected to answer with an enthusiastic “Hooah” or “Oorah.”

We, as military spouses, should shy away from using these terms. Think about it. When your spouse comes home with deployment news, are you really excited about it? Would you reply, “That’s great news, I am so happy to hear it!”?

“Hooah” and “Oorah” doesn’t accurately communicate the authentic feelings of a military spouse.

Latrine and The Head

The military uses both terms to refer to the restroom. I don’t know about you, but when I hear someone say latrine it evokes images of dirty port-o-johns and dingy yellow titled rooms, with blinking fluorescent lights and urinals troughs.

The oasis you created in your home to resemble a quiet spa-like retreat with fluffy white mats, calming pale blue walls and a lavender Scentsy burning should never be referred to as a latrine. Isn’t powder room a much better description?

4 Military Phrases That Sound Strange When Military Spouses Say Them

What are some military terms you have heard military spouses use? Do you think it sounds strange when a military spouse says these words?

Buck Up

Buck up is used to inspire troops to embrace the suck and push through. When military spouses use this phrase, it is usually done in a sarcastic “Buck Up buttercup” kind of way.

Your spouse is gone for a week and missing your anniversary. Buck up buttercup! PCSing to a less than desirable place? Buck up buttercup!

I admit I have been guilty of this. I sometimes forget how difficult it can be as a new military spouse. It might be our seventh deployment or fifth PCS in four years, but it is someone’s first. Just because I have learned to accept the ups and downs of the military life, I must remember many spouses struggle with finding acceptance and balance in a difficult situation.

Instead of telling our fellow spouses to “buck up” we should be asking how they are and remind them to stay strong.

Deployments, Rotations and TDY

We have all heard a new spouse say, “My spouse is on deployment to Germany.” While we suppress an eye roll, we often forget we probably didn’t know the correct terms when we started out.

A deployment is defined as the movement of troops to a place or position for military action. Deployments are usually three, six or nine months long but can vary depending on assignment and branch. These movements take place in combat zones such as Iraq or Afghanistan.

Related: 5 ‘In Uniform’ Rules All Military Spouses Should Know

A rotation is when a military unit relives another unit in a non-combat environment such as Kuwait or Korea for a fixed amount of time anywhere from nine to twelve months.

A TDY (Temporary Duty Assignment) refers to a service member who is on assignment at a location other than his or her permanent duty station. TDYs can take place stateside or overseas and is usually for no more than 139 days.

Here are four military terms and phrases military spouses should be using.

Mandatory Fun

Mandatory fun refers to a company or unit sponsored event which service members are required to attend. These events can be organizational days which include football, fishing or another group activity, so there is fun to be had.

After attending our first unit organizational day, I adopted this term and use it every time we go out as a family. When given the choice to participate in a family outing, my kids usually say no. I have a teenager who has a very active social life and an eleven-year-old that we have to pry the game controller from his hands just to eat.

I no longer give them a choice; I give them a command.

You will come, you will have fun and you will enjoy time with your family. That’s an order!

Voluntold

This term gives the illusion that it is optional, however, we all know it really means you have been selected to volunteer for a task.

In a perfect world, my kids would volunteer to take out the trash or mow the lawn, but just like most of you, I don’t live in a perfect world. So, voluntold is how most things get done in our house.

Got Your Six

On the face of a clock, the number six is directly under or behind the twelve. In the military when someone says “Got your six,” it means “I’ve got your back.” In a combat situation “got your six” literally means “I’ve got you covered, I will look out for you and protect you.”

Related: 16 Money Terms Every MilSo Should Know

This is a great phrase to use as a military spouse. It is so important that we all have our fellow spouses’ backs.

Household 6

The 6 refers to the commander in charge, so Household 6 is a joking way to say commander in charge of the household. As military spouses most of us are responsible for the household.

We know where everything is (my husband still has no idea where anything is in our kitchen). We keep up with the kids’ schedules and pay bills in addition to having careers of our own, so of course we are the commanders of the household.

What are some common military terms you have heard military spouses use?

Amanda Marksmeier is an Army wife and mother of four. She works as an employment specialist assisting the military community in achieving their career goals. Amanda is also a contributing writer for a quarterly employment journal and has written for several military affiliated blogs.

When Your Support Squad Moves Away

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I ran out of toilet paper. Actually, we didn’t have any toilet paper because we hadn’t even moved in yet. When I came knocking for a spare roll, she was happy to hand me one from her stash.

And then stepped in to help with child care duties when I got a stomach bug I just couldn’t shake.

When I was in the hospital for baby two, she was there again for sleepovers and dog walking.

For almost 18 months, we did everything together. Playdates and morning coffee and life.

Then the PCS orders came for her family, but not mine.

Now, my support squad is on another continent.

When Your Support Squad Moves Away From You

I tend to rely on just a few close friends at each duty station. When one of my besties moves away, there’s a big hole in my social and support networks.

When Your Support Squad PCSes, But You Don’t

Military spouses often build support networks with other spouses simply because it works the best in terms of stability. My kids’ school knows to call the emergency contacts right after they call me, just in case their dad is away.

Suddenly, I was adrift without my person. Yes, my spouse was still there with me, but he’s in and out for the most part.

My days were less full after she PCSed. No more morning spur-of-the-moment coffee dates or afternoons spent watching the kids play. I couldn’t run across the street for sugar or to grab dinner with when the guys were gone. She was a world away from me.

It’s OK to Grieve

Military spouses are used to change. It’s practically our middle name! Between deployments and PCSing and weird TDY schedules, our lives are in flux. But no matter where we live, we build our support networks to help keep our sanity.

When your friend PCSes while you stay behind, you’re losing a piece of your life. Things are going to change drastically, even though it seems like everything will be remaining the same.

It’s OK to grieve. Give yourself permission to feel sad, to withdraw or to be upset at the military powers that be.

Rebuild Your Network

I tend to rely on just a few close friends at each duty station. It’s easier for me to manage emotionally than a constantly rotating crew. When one of my besties moves away, there’s a big hole in my social and support networks.

Even though I’m missing my pal, I know that it’s important to keep in touch with the other folks in my circle. They might also be missing your PCSed friend too.

Reach out to your local friends and put some events on your calendars. Getting out there and connecting with friends can help you to feel better! Plus, you’ll remind yourself that your support network does still exist. You’ve got people to turn to where you are, even if you forgot about it for a minute.

If you’re truly flying solo, it’s time to make new connections. One great way to find new friends is to connect through your unit’s family readiness group or social activities. Find a group, like Stroller Warriors or religious study or PTO, to join. You’ll find like-minded individuals who might be looking for their “person” too!

Stay in Touch

Remember, your friend is still out there, even though you’re not co-located anymore. While they can’t handle daycare pickup or meet you for lunch, you can still find support from each other.

Our social media world offers us the chance to connect virtually around the world! Share photos, send messages and video chat as often as you can. You can still share a cup of tea over Skype or gripe about the latest visit from Deployment Murphy.

Old-fashioned snail mail is another great way to stay connected. Build care packages to send for special occasions or just whenever the mood strikes. Fill a box or big envelope with letters, local treats and thoughtful gifts that will bring a smile to your friend’s face.

Whenever possible arrange a visit to their new location. You’ll be able to score some amazing face time and explore a new place at the same time. You could make it a girls weekend and leave the kids at home. Or bring the whole family for a giant reunion!

It’s a Small Military

Depending on your branch of service or your spouse’s job, there is a strong chance that you might end up stationed together again!

Many military families keep rotating between the same few duty stations over the course of a career. While you may be separated now, you could end up just down the street or a town apart after the next move.

Even if you don’t end up neighbors quite so soon, you might find mutual friends after your next move. Building new friendships based on your older ones is a great way to expand your circle.

Do you have any tips for building a support network after a close friend moves away? Share your experiences in the comments!

Our Guide to Sending Care Packages to Your Service Member

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by Amanda Marksmeier, Guest Contributor

Whether you are shipping your first care package or your last it can be difficult to know what to include and what to leave out.

Items such as firearms, explosives and radioactive materials should not be included, but did you know many foreign countries ban the shipping and receiving of playing cards, used clothes and saccharine?

Our Guide to Sending Care Packages to Your Service Member

Themed care packages are all the rage. Not feeling creative? No problem, search Pinterest for military care package ideas.

Your Don’t Pack It Guide for Deployment Care Packages

Our service members deploy to countries with strict religious beliefs and rules. If you are sending care packages to countries such as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria or any other predominately Muslim country do not pack pork products. Many people in these regions follow diets which prohibit foods made from pigs, so that means no bacon bits.

While we are on the subject of religion, anti-Muslim books, articles, and movies are strictly forbidden so don’t send them. Also, anything considered lewd or pornographic should not be included. It is important to be respectful of others’ customs and beliefs.

Cash and high-valued items should be left at home. Packages can “disappear,” be damaged or simply lost in the mail.

Pro-tip: if you can’t afford to lose it, don’t pack it!

This goes for items that hold sentimental value as well. While you may be tempted to send family heirlooms don’t, these items can’t be replaced if lost or damaged.

What You Should Send in Deployment Care Packages

Now comes the fun part, what you can include in a care package.

Non-perishable food is the No. 1 requested item. Think canned tuna, instant meals, jerky, ramen, I could go on, but you get the idea. In many cases, soldiers miss meals due to missions or the inability to make it to the DFAC. Your service member will be grateful to have a meal from home after a long day.

Care packages are a perfect excuse to print all those pictures saved in your digital cloud. Service members can hang photos in their bunk, tape them to vehicles or keep them in the pockets of their uniforms.

It’s comforting to have photos of friends and family near you on deployment.

Fragrant soaps and washes should be packed separately in plastic bags. I once sent my husband a box of soaps (not in plastic bags) packed with candies. He ended up with candies that tasted like soap!

More Care Packages Tips

Mailing packages is expensive! The U.S. Post Office offers free flat rate boxes to help with the costs. Care packages in flat rate boxes can be sent to APO/FPO/DPO at domestic shipping rates.

Save a trip to the post office by ordering your shipping supplies for free through the USPS website. Schedule a pick-up, pay for shipping and complete the customs forms all online at https://www.usps.com/ship/apo-fpo-dpo.htm.

Oh, those darn customs forms! Don’t be afraid. Custom forms aren’t as scary as they appear. All you need is your service member’s address, the list of items and an estimated value of each item in the care package.

The Click-N-Ship option on the USPS website walks through the steps to complete customs forms. Custom forms need to be completed for each package you send.

Related: Tips on Sending a Care Package to a Military Dog

Themed care packages are all the rage. Not feeling creative? No problem, borrow someone else’s ideas. Carefully crafted boxes are posted all over social media. Visit military spouse Facebook pages to ask for care package ideas. Also search Pinterest for military care packages. Have fun, be creative and think “inside” the box.

Books, movies and magazines make wonderful additions to care packages. Deployed service members work long hours in harsh conditions so when there is downtime entertainment is desperately needed.

I am sure everyone remembers the “Frozen” videos with service members belting out “Let it Go.” You know they watched the movie a dozen times to learn the song. Maybe we’ll be blessed with “This is Me” sing-a-longs in the future.

Add extra items so your service member can share with his or her battle buddies. Remember not everyone has someone to send them care packages.

The most important part of a care package is the “care” that is included. Packages remind the men and woman serving they have not been forgotten.

What questions do you have about sending care packages?

Amanda Marksmeier is an Army wife and mother of four. She works as an employment specialist assisting the military community in achieving their career goals. Amanda is also a contributing writer for a quarterly employment journal and has written for several military affiliated blogs.

How Is My Husband Always Gone For Mother’s Day And Home For Father’s Day?

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Ahhhhh, Mother’s Day. That glorious Sunday in May when mothers everywhere lounge luxuriously in bed.

We’re all peacefully waiting for our badly buttered toast to arrive, paired with an alcohol heavy mimosa. And then the whole family skips to brunch with happy, shiny faces.

Everything is right on Mother’s Day, as we celebrate the years of excruciating physical labor it takes to raise up a child. Many moms mark this occasion with flowers, wine, candy, cards and a trip to the spa.

Except for me.

And I’m guessing a bunch of other military spouses too.

Instead of my sweet baby angels bringing me cold cereal, I was awakened at zero dark thirty by my child screaming. I rolled over to nudge my husband, reminding him that it’s my day to sleep in, except, oh wait, I’m riding solo today.

Just like many Mother’s Days past, and certainly in the future as well, the military has thoughtfully scheduled field exercises today.

How Is My Husband Always Gone For Mother's Day And Home For Father's Day?

This year I’m observing delayed Mother’s Day on June 17, which just happens to be Father’s Day.

Guess who won’t have any work obligations on June 17 though? My husband.

Instead, he’ll probably be at the golf course celebrating Father’s Day. All alone. While I handle the kids by myself. Again.

Why is my husband always gone for Mother’s Day, but home for Father’s Day?

It seems like a cruel joke the military likes to play on me every year.

“Hahahaha, let’s leave all the non-active duty moms at home without their spouse today. Oh, but make sure the men are all home for Father’s Day. Can’t miss playing a few holes, am I right?”

Well, this year the joke’s on you, Dad! Because I’m observing delayed Mother’s Day due to scheduling conflicts. My personal Mother’s Day just happens to be on Father’s Day. Weird, right?

It seems like you might have had an OK time at your “exercise” in Seoul. I heard the all-you-can-eat Korean barbecue was delicious. The K-Pop karaoke looked fun too. I’m sure having a hotel room all to yourself with no one needing you to wipe their nose was pure torture.

Bonus: you got paid to be there!

Since you got your special day early, I’m going to go ahead and take mine right now.

When Dad’s Gone in May, Mom Plays in June

You’ll get to celebrate the joys of fatherhood the same way I basked in the glow of motherhood while you were gone. In short: alone.

That’s right, the kids are all yours today. Because you should spend Father’s Day celebrating with the precious little tykes who call you Dad.

Let’s start the day early. I’ll head out for a long sunrise run so that you can be the first face the kids see in the morning. Such a wonderful gift!

Next, you can enjoy a chilled coffee over soggy cereal. The handwritten cards will tug at your heartstrings.

Then, head out to the beach, pool or playground. Really, go wherever your heart desires. If you can get them to handle sitting in the cart, take them to the golf course. If not, mini golf is basically the same thing.

I won’t even be mad when you bring them back loaded up with sugar and sticky with melted ice cream. They have summer camp tomorrow!

While you’re out celebrating, I’ll make sure to prep the grill and food for you to cook when you return. I want you to have the honor of getting those steaks just right.

As for the middle part of the day, I was planning on having a working me-day. I’ll field some emails, check Facebook and then head off to be tortured at the spa. I’m talking brunch, massage, pedicure and facial. All while sipping champagne. It’s going to be terrible.

You can swing by to get me on your way back from mini golf.

How does your family handle missed holidays or special days? Share your tips in the comments!

Serving in the Army Is My Family’s Calling

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by Eric Gardner, Guest Contributor

The term family business has a menagerie of feelings and definitions depending upon who you ask. I prefer the term “calling” instead of “business,” since it casts a truer light upon my unique family past.

In the broad categories which define roles associated in our military culture I’ve held many of them.

Service member.

Military spouse.

Army brat.

I’ve worn these roles with pride. With more than 40 years of life vested in this unique and sometimes challenging community, I can say unequivocally I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Service is a very dear ideal in my family. While I can trace my roots back to the American Revolution, I have had a constant family member in active service through WWI, WWII, Japan’s Occupation, the Cold War, and the Global War on Terror. My wife is also a third generation military member.

This family calling has given us a shared outlook and understanding on what is truly important in life.

Serving in the Army Is My Family's Calling

Did you follow your father and join the Army?

Even with such a rich family history of military service my parents never forced a career in the Army upon me. Growing up in the ’80s I was a huge fan of the “G.I. Joe” cartoon and shows like “The A-Team” and “MacGyver.” While other children my age saw these larger than life personas as too fantastic to be true, I knew the exact opposite.

As a child I could say that I’d met the proverbial steely eyes, barrel chested freedom fighter on several occasions. In “G.I. Joe,” Duke, Lady Jay and Roadblock would display the moral courage to take a stand against something they felt was wrong. I could see the same exhibition of character by walking into my father’s office on any given day and witness the towering soldiers doing the exact same thing.

This introduction into my family calling was accented more when units would hold their organizational days. These family-oriented events always showcased the tools of the trade to loved ones so they could get a better understanding of what their service member did.

Imagine seeing every Hollywood prop in real life and understanding that the soldier standing in front of you was just as awesome as any character that was on the big screen; it clearly made a lasting impression.

Before my elementary school years were over I understood how camouflage worked, possessed a loose understanding of how many different weapon systems our service men and women were tasked to employ and a firm respect for the work that each of them did.

Serving in the Army Is My Family's Calling

I never viewed my unique exposure to the Army as manipulation to join its ranks. Instead this insider information allowed me to make the best decision I could about my future.

I have wonderful memories of wearing face paint, dressed in my pint-sized fatigues and patrolling our military quarters with my sister in tow on a mission to find a lost G.I. Joe somewhere in the hedge. A smile always comes to mind when I think back to having my father introduce me to the challenges of obstacle courses and learned how stations like the gut buster and the weaver vexed the men and women under his command. Whether it was climbing on Humvees and tanks or checking out the static displays of the utility and attack helicopters, I saw the world of the military as a constant adventure.

On the flip side there were times when the military lifestyle was negative. The moves, training and deployments, and constantly reinventing yourself are challenges we can all relate to. However, with each of these, one thing made it all possible; family. My mother and father always put us first — within reason of course.

Even in the tough times we understood that friends and homes may change but our family would always be there.

When I went off to college my future world was a blank canvas to explore. Even with an endless array of life options, the most fulfilling was in my R.O.T.C. program which lead to my commissioning in the Army as an infantry officer. The same branch my great grandfather was in during WWI and my father was during his 30-year career. I never viewed the unique exposure to the Army as some sort of manipulation to join. Instead it allowed me to make the best decision I could about my future.

Serving in the Army Is My Family's Calling

My parents never forced a career in the Army upon me.

My tour of duty as a service member with the Army lasted eight and a half years. As I transitioned to the role of spouse my love for the military way of life didn’t change. With my own children now seeing the nonstop adventure this lifestyle holds they can make their own decisions when they enter the workforce to see if the military is right for them.

Regardless of their choice they will know that within their family were men and women who were willing to risk everything to ensure they would be afforded the same chance at a wonderful future they had been given.

Serving in the Army Is My Family's Calling

I can trace my roots back to the American Revolution, I have had a constant family member in active service through WWI, WWII, Japan’s Occupation, the Cold War, and the Global War on Terror. My wife is also a third generation military member.

Did you follow your parent and join the Army or other branch of service? Tell us your family of military service story in the comments section.

Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father's footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father’s footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Since the end of his wartime service he has shifted gears and is now a stay-at-home father. In his role as an active duty Army spouse, he has become an author. As the creator of the XIII Legion Series he has enjoyed great success, and enjoys meeting other entrepreneurial spouses as well as fellow authors. You can see more from Eric Gardner at his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/thirteenthlegion.series, and http://www.facebook.com/XIIILGN or follow him via Twitter @13thLegion.

How Being a Mother Changed My Life as a Military Spouse

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My life completely changed when I became a mother. When I saw our son for the first time my whole world changed. Though there were many long nights of sleeplessness, there were also plenty of moments of pure joy. We brought this tiny person into the world. He was ours to love, to teach and to enjoy.

I don’t think it’s possible to know true love and joy until you’ve held your baby in your arms.

I never thought of myself as an emotional or sentimental person, but I certainly am now that I’m a mother. I feel the tears in my eyes when I think about how much he means to me. I love our son. It has been an emotional journey watching him grow.

My husband deployed when our son was nine months old. Deployments can be hard on families, and this one was so much more trying now that I was a mother for the first time and alone with a baby.

I loved seeing our son grow, try new things and explore his surroundings. It seemed like only a blink of an eye and our baby had turned into a toddler. Where did the time go? I missed the baby stage but looked forward to the next steps. I missed the bond that came with nursing once he stopped, but I still get plenty of snuggles since my son loves to cuddle.

How Being a Mother Changed My Life as a Military Spouse

I love the moments when I’m holding our baby girl and she reaches her tiny hand for my cheek. But it makes me sad to think that my husband is missing these moments with her.

Our son is now four years old and almost nine months ago we welcomed our second child into the world, a little girl. My husband deployed just before she turned three months old. That was incredibly hard. I was left with two kids for six months. Some days were really hard and others were amazing.

I thought our son would be jealous of the baby but I couldn’t have been more wrong. He adores her. He wants to hold her, feed her and share his toys with her. He smiles and talks to her and she smiles back. I love the moments when they just stop and look at each other smiling. It brings great joy to my heart. I’m so sad that my husband missed all of this once again.

Related: Celebrating Mother’s Day During Deployments

Last night we had an amazing homecoming. My husband returned from his sixth deployment. I’ve picked him up plenty of times, but this time was completely different. The excitement our four year old showed in anticipation of his arrival was enough to make anyone smile. He stood in the airport with his welcome home sign waving his American flag waiting eagerly for Daddy to come off the plane.

I don’t think there were many dry eyes when everyone heard him shout “Daddy” and run to his father. It was a moment of pure joy.

I love being a mother and seeing these moments. There will be more deployments that will come all too soon, but there will be plenty of time to enjoy our family as a whole. I’m so happy that my husband is home to enjoy our children. I hope with our daughter that he gets to see some of the milestones he missed with our son. As a mother, I couldn’t imagine missing any milestone.

There’s a strong bond between a mother and her child. I love the moments when I’m holding our baby girl and she gazes up at me and reaches her tiny hand for my cheek. Those moments are fleeting so I will cherish every one.

Related: Don’t Forget Military Moms

Though it’s sad to see her grow so fast, it’s amazing to watch her learn and explore. I look forward to seeing her personality grow and to see how she and her brother bond. Being a mother is a remarkable thing and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.