The holiday season can be one of the most challenging times for military families, especially when a loved one is deployed. The absence of a parent, spouse, or significant other during a time traditionally filled with togetherness and celebration can create emotional hardships. However, with intentional communication and creative traditions, families can stay connected and keep their bonds strong. Here are practical ways to foster those connections and maintain resilient relationships for all age groups during a holiday deployment.
1. Staying Connected with Children During a Deployment
Children, regardless of age, may find it difficult to understand and cope with the absence of a deployed parent during the holidays. It’s important to address their emotional needs in ways that resonate with their developmental stage.
- Young Children: For toddlers and preschoolers, the concept of time can be hard to grasp, so the absence of a parent may feel incredibly long. One effective way to help them stay connected is through daily routines that incorporate the deployed parent. For example, creating a “Countdown to Homecoming” calendar with stickers or drawings for each day that passes gives them something tangible to understand the passage of time. (But don’t forget to build in some ability to buffer as the military may in true military fashion adjust return dates as needed.) Reading bedtime stories on video or audio from the deployed parent can help maintain a sense of comfort and familiarity. Using apps or virtual calls where the deployed parent can participate in holiday activities, such as decorating or opening gifts, can also be very meaningful.
- Older Elementary Children: These children may have a better understanding of why their parent is gone, but they still need support to stay connected. Encouraging them to write letters, draw pictures, or create artwork that the deployed parent can display can help them express their feelings. Some families create a “Deployment Scrapbook” where children can add updates, photos, and notes about what they’ve been doing. This can be shared with the deployed parent via care packages or during virtual calls, making it a shared experience that brings everyone together.
- Teens: Teenagers may feel more independent but still deeply miss the presence of a parent during the holidays. Regular virtual check-ins through texts, video chats, or social media can help maintain a connection, especially if they’re given space to express their own experiences and challenges. Engaging teens in planning holiday surprises for the deployed parent, such as recording special videos or compiling family memories, can give them a sense of purpose and closeness, even from afar.
2. Strengthening Marriages During a Deployment
Deployments can take a toll on marriages, but the holiday season offers an opportunity to reaffirm love and commitment. Staying emotionally connected, even from a distance, is crucial to keeping the relationship strong.
- Communication: Consistent, open communication is key. Scheduled video calls can provide a sense of regularity, even if just to catch up on day-to-day life. It’s also important to make time for more intimate conversations where couples can share their hopes, frustrations, and dreams. Sending personalized care packages with thoughtful items, like a favorite snack, a handwritten letter, or holiday decorations, can remind the deployed spouse of home and their partner’s care.
- Shared Traditions: Keeping shared traditions alive, even from a distance, can help spouses feel connected. For example, some couples watch the same holiday movie at the same time, even if they’re miles apart, and text or call each other afterward. Others write 12 Days of Christmas letters, where each spouse sends a letter for 12 consecutive days leading up to Christmas, keeping the connection strong.
- Future Planning: Using the holiday season to talk about future plans—what you’ll do when the deployment is over or how you’ll celebrate together next year—can help both partners feel more secure. Planning for reunification and discussing what both partners hope for when the deployment ends can reduce the stress of reintegration.
3. Building Resilience in Family Relationships
The strength of family relationships during a deployment not only helps loved ones cope with the temporary separation but also builds long-term resilience. This resilience is essential, not only during the deployment but also in the difficult period of reunion and reintegration when the service member returns.
- Support Networks: It is crucial to create a solid support system during the deployment—whether through friends, family, or military spouse groups. Having people to turn to during tough moments helps ease the stress for the family and the deployed service member. The more resilient and supported the family feels the easier it will be to reintegrate and adjust to life when the service member returns.
- Strengthening Bonds: Children who feel connected to their deployed parent during the holidays are more likely to have a smoother adjustment when the parent returns home. Consistent communication and shared traditions foster a sense of continuity that helps them transition through the deployment and beyond. This also applies to the marital relationship—strong emotional bonds during separation lead to a smoother reunion, reducing the tension and potential emotional distance when the deployment ends.
- Resilience in Reintegration: The effort to stay connected and build traditions throughout a deployment pays off when it’s time for reunion. The family has already practiced staying emotionally close, which helps ease the reintegration process. Families who have built resilient relationships are better equipped to handle the shifts in dynamics when the service member returns and life at home resumes a new normal.
While deployments can make the holiday season difficult, there are many ways to stay connected and strengthen family relationships. Whether through virtual calls, shared traditions, or thoughtful gestures, maintaining a sense of togetherness is possible even from a distance. By fostering resilience in these relationships, military families not only support each other during the deployment but also prepare for a smoother reintegration when the service member returns.
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