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10 Steps to Detox Your Mind

04/28/2014 By Jessica Aycock

Negative thoughts have a tendency to take over our brain. If we let them.

Don’t let negative thoughts consume your mind.

The bad news is that negative thoughts far outnumber the positive thoughts. Some say up to 95% of our thoughts are negative.

The good news is that you don’t have to listen to these inner Debbie Downers. You can stop, reverse, and reduce those negative thoughts. You can cleanse your mind with these 10 simple detox methods.

As Sir Mix-a-lot would say– let’s kick those nasty thoughts.

Write down your thoughts and feelings.

If you find negativity dominating your thoughts, try writing them down. Get them out of your head as soon as you can.

Count your blessings.

Make a list of all the positive things in your life. Keep this gratitude list handy when you need a reminder that life isn’t all bad.

Get moving.

Going for a walk or exercising will release endorphins that battle negative or depressive thoughts. You aren’t required to go running to get this natural high. Walking, swimming, Zumba, and yoga are all physical activities that trigger the release of endorphins.

Question your thoughts.

When you notice negativity creeping in, ask the following questions: Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Don’t judge others.

Many of our negative thoughts can be linked to our perception of others and how they may not live up to our expectations. Practice seeing the situation from their point of view. Realize that their lives are different than ours and that your beliefs may not be the same as their beliefs.

Seek out positive people.

Surround yourself with people who you want to be like: happy, positive, and enjoyable. Their optimism will rub off on you.

Stay busy doing activities you love.

Doing things you enjoy will keep you in a positive state. Still have to do things you don’t like? Do as much as you can to find the joy in whatever you have to do. Blast disco dance music while you wash dishes or watch “Mad Men” while folding laundry.

banish negative thoughts with positive activities

Doing things you love can help battle negative thoughts.

Be patient with yourself.

We’ve gotten so used to our negative thoughts that we don’t even realize they’re happening. Don’t get frustrated as you begin to change your thoughts and realize how much your thoughts have been running your life. Give yourself time to adjust and just keep moving forward.

Laugh. Laugh again.

Don’t take life so seriously. Find a way to laugh every day. Here is a corny joke: “What do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear.” Tell your friends, children, neighbors, and dentist. We can all use more laughter in our lives.

Help others.

Giving back allows you to focus on someone other than yourself. It occupies your thoughts and prevents them from reverting to negativity. You can volunteer at your local food bank, through national organizations, or even on your military installation. The Navy-Marine Relief Society is a volunteer-centered organization that will train you. No experience required.

Daily exercise is good for your mind and your body.

Daily exercise is good for your mind and body.

Remember: You are not your negative thoughts.

You can choose to cleanse your mind of those negative thoughts at any time. Today is the day you can begin to ditch those mental naysayers and start anew with positive thoughts.

How do you keep negative thoughts away?

3 Communication Tips for Deployments

04/24/2014 By Julie Provost

Communication. It’s difficult in any marriage. But when you are married to a military service member, the challenges of communication are complicated by deployments and extended periods of separation. To say communication is difficult in a military marriage is putting it lightly. (OPSEC, anyone?)

How can you improve communication during a deployment?

In those moments– when the phone doesn’t ring or an email doesn’t pop up on your smartphone– you wonder “when is he going to call?”

Here is the good news: he will call. If he can, he will call you.

The methods of communication have been different for my husband and I during each of our four deployments. For the first deployment my husband and I wrote letters, talked on the phone about once a month, and had a period of time when he was online all day where he was working. Our second deployment he had Internet access in his room. This was nice because he was able to get online a lot. His third deployment was a little harder for him to communicate. During his fourth deployment we talked on Facebook most of the time.

Since I’ve experienced a variety of communication situations through four different deployments, I would like to offer these 3 tips for communication during a deployment.

Talk About Expectations

Before your spouse leaves, talk about your communication expectations for the deployment. Do you want him to write letters? How often would you like him to try to call? If calling everyday is an option do you want that?

Sometimes it is better to not talk everyday. Then you won’t need to worry about listening for his phone call at the movie theater with your friends. When he does call, you can give all your attention to that phone conversation.

Your military service member may know what type of communication methods he will have access to at his military base. But understand that compared to today’s world of constant contact, communication options may be very limited where they are stationed.

They might not have access to the Internet regularly and if they do, it can be spotty. Phone calls might be difficult to make based on what is available. Mail can take a while, even months.

On the other hand, some places are equipped with better technology. Sometimes the deployed service member is allowed his or her own cell phone and laptop computer. Be flexible and adaptable.

Communication takes creativity during deployments.

Expect Some Silence

Another thing you must remember is that sometimes your service member can’t contact you. I once waited a whole month before I heard from him, and although it is really hard and frustrating, I just had to do it. Keep in mind that as much as you are missing them, they are missing you.

Letter Writing is Romantic

Yes, writing letters is old-fashioned and your handwriting is awful, but sometimes it is the only method of communication during a deployment. Try to write letters during times when you can’t communicate any other way. It can be a romantic way to keep in touch when technology isn’t an option.

Communication during deployments is hard. With a little creativity and some patience, you will take this challenge to strengthen your marriage.

What do you think? What’s a creative way to communicate during deployments?

Military Life & Depression: Part 2

04/23/2014 By Jessica Aycock

As a military spouse, you are familiar with the ups and downs that come with the military lifestyle. For some of you, the downs can dominate and seriously interfere with your life. Nearly 10% of the population suffers from depression– and 70% of them are women.

The stress of military life affects everyone differently.

While you may think that depression goes hand in hand with deployments, that’s not necessarily true. It’s something that is a constant mental health battle and each individual person is different. One military spouse may feel depressed only when major situations happen– an illness or death in the family, a baby’s birth, financial troubles, deployment, etc. Another may struggle to get out of bed in the morning and any disruption to a routine could make them feel inadequate or overwhelmed.

My depression diagnosis came after I realized I was sleeping nearly 15 hours a day and felt completely overwhelmed with my stressful job. I used medication in the beginning until I found natural ways to deal with depression for the long term.

Here are 4 ways I’ve naturally battled depression for the last 8 years.

(Remember: there’s no perfect way to deal with depression.)

Talking.

I spent a lot of time talking with a counselor or therapist about what was going in my head and how I was dealing with it. Friends can be a good option too, but for me, they were too close and lacked objectivity to tell me when I was blowing things out of proportion.

Exercise.

Any form of exercise will be beneficial to your mental health– try yoga or tai chi, volleyball, soccer, running, or swimming. Running became my form of therapy. Later I moved on to CrossFit, a high-intensity fitness regiment and I can honestly tell when I have been slacking on fitness. I don’t see it on the scale. I feel it in my brain. You may not want to do it, but I promise you will feel better when you incorporate exercise into your daily routine.

Yoga is a great way to battle depression naturally.

Evaluate your diet.

Sugar and processed foods can impact your mood. I crave sugar when I’m depressed and unfortunately, eating sugar makes me more depressed. Pay attention to what you eat and how you feel afterward. Make adjustments as necessary.

Befriend positive people.

Make the conscious choice to socialize with people who make you happy and are happy in general. Do what you can to foster happy thoughts. Laugh often. Don’t listen to sad music or watch depressing movies. Keep a gratitude journal.

Depression affects more than the military spouse with the diagnosis. It takes its toll on everyone close to them.

Military spouses, repeat after me: It’s okay to ask for help; it’s okay to offer help.

What’s your favorite way to naturally combat feelings of sadness?

Note: Please reach out to a professional if you feel sad, depressed, unhappy, or constantly worried. While common, depression is a serious condition and should be properly diagnosed. If you are currently taking medications, please consult your doctor before trying any additional remedies. Do not reduce or quit taking medication without your doctors’ oversight.

7 Ways to Simplify Bill Paying

04/22/2014 By Amiyrah Martin

Paying bills is something that we never thought about as children when we wished to grow up. It goes along the line of dealing with taxes and cooking your own meals. The great part is that even though bills are a necessity for adult life, there are many ways that we can make this chore easier on ourselves.

Here are 7 ways to simplify bill paying within your home.

1. Make a Date with Your Bills

Whether you get paid weekly, biweekly or monthly, you need to have a set day and time that you will dedicate to paying your bills. Just like your significant other, bills deserve your undivided attention, but unlike your significant other, that time can be as little as 15 minutes. During this time, make sure you are in a quiet place where you can concentrate and won’t miss a bill payment.

Tip: Spend minimum time with maximum concentration on paying bills.

2. Automate It

In the world of technology, finances can easily be managed through an app, computer program, or simply through a note or two saved on your smartphone. Websites like mint.com are perfect for those of us that need to see our finances all in one place. These financial organizational tools make it easier to see which bills can be automated and the program reminds you when bills are due.

Lower bills, like debt payments around $100, can and should be automated. If a bill has been constant throughout the year, set up automated payments through your bank or credit union. For larger bills or bills that may have hidden fees or fluctuations (like cell phone and cable bills), I suggest getting your own eyes on that bill every month.

Tip: Set up automatic bill payment for bills that are less than $100.

3. Pay Everything Once

Yes, you can pay every bill at the same time, even if you are on a budget. While you have the option of automating small bills, you can also choose to pay them off once a year. Utility bills, membership fees, and insurance bills can all be paid on a yearly basis.

If you choose to go this route, make your payment when you get a bonus or extra money, like your tax refund. Be sure to ask if there are discounts for paying a bill up-front. Insurance companies often offer money back if you pay in advance, so take advantage.

Tip: Pay insurance and utility bills annually to save money.

4. Change Your Due Date

It is more difficult to stay on track with bill paying when your bills are due on different days during the month. The easiest way to remedy this is to call the companies and ask for your due dates to be changed. Try to switch them to days when you know you will have enough funds to pay the bills.

Tip: Pick 2 days each month and schedule your bills to be paid on those days.

5. Pay Yourself First

This is the most important bill that you pay each month. Why is this essential for the payment of all of your other bills? It gives you motivation to not only make more money, but to pay down bills and debt in order to pay yourself more. This bill should be paid first and put directly into a savings account, whether it’s for fun money or your emergency fund.

Tip: Designate money to be deposited into your savings account monthly.

What bill-paying system works for you?

6. Mark Your Bills as Paid

Just like paying yourself first works as a motivation, marking your bills as paid can cause you to keep your bill paying less stressful and as simple as possible. By marking these paid, whether it’s writing it in red marker on a paper bill or typing “paid” next to the bill on a computer program, you’ll ensure that you don’t pay a bill twice and that you are making progress in your efforts.

Tip: Use a red marker to write “PAID” on each bill.

7. Tailor Your Bill-Paying System

You can take all of the advice listed above, but you still have to tailored it to your own personality. Do you love lists? Are you into calendars? Do you do better when EVERYTHING is computer-based? Pick what you gravitate to and stick to it.

For our family, we are online and paper calendar people. We use Google calendar with alerts so that my husband and I both know when a bill is due. But we also use a paper calendar during our bill-paying “dates.” For us, it helps to see the date the bill is due and the paper bill, as well as on a computer screen.

Tip: Find a bill-paying system that works for you.

Which tip will you use to simplify your bill paying this month?

5 Lessons from a Special Needs Mom

04/22/2014 By Julie Provost

Pick your battles with a special needs child.

Raising special needs children should have its own parenting lesson book. As a parent, you will have moments when you feel overwhelmed, unprepared, and frustrated with your special needs child. I know I have. All special needs parents have felt that way. It’s normal.

But these feelings shouldn’t become your “normal.”

Here are 5 lessons I learned about raising special needs children:

Pick your battles. This is a biggie. Although you want to be firm with your kids, sometimes you need to pick your battles. If your kid is in a certain mood, everything is going to cause a problem so pick what is important and don’t worry about the rest. If your son only wants to wear his Batman jacket and getting on the bus is a big issue anyway, let it go. It really isn’t a big deal. Focus on the task of getting on the bus. Don’t worry about the jacket.
Take time for yourself. You need it. When you feel like it is getting to where YOU need a time-out, take one. If you are the only adult in the house it might be hard to do this. You might need to say to yourself, “You know, taking a time-out is more important than THIS battle.” If there is another adult in the house, have them take over for a while. Go take a bath, read a book, or meet a friend for coffee.
Look at the big picture. Instead of thinking about the bad days, reflect on the last few weeks or months and see how far your child has come. If it helps, ask a friend to remind you. They don’t see your children daily and can notice a difference. I know with my oldest I believed he would never learn to speak. Then a friend who only saw him every few months told me how much better he was doing. It was hard for me to see this change since I was always with him. It helped to hear that others saw the progress even if I didn’t see it myself.
Lean on a support group. This is so important. Find people who support you and your children. Find other families that are experiencing similar issues. Knowing you are not alone and have support goes a long way.
Don’t doubt yourself.
Don’t compare. When it comes to special needs parenting, you have a lot of choices. Go with your gut. What works for one child with autism might not work for another. Talk to your doctors, therapists, teachers, and your spouse to figure out what is best for YOUR child. If you feel your kid has a certain issue and people tell you not to worry, but you can’t let it go, get it checked out anyway. I really think moms know if something is going on with their children. Don’t doubt yourself.

Are you raising a special needs child? What lessons would you add to this list?

4 Ways to Reduce the Stress of Finances

04/21/2014 By Amiyrah Martin

For those of us looking to be more financially responsible, stress seems to be a big factor of how we handle our new spend-less, save-more lifestyle. Bills, debt, after-school activities for our kids, and even birthday presents can cause our hearts to race when we think about the amount of money each of them takes from our household. With a budget that’s based on the military pay scale, that stress can easily amplify.

Here are four great tips on how to handle the stress of finances.

Stop Thinking about Money

Yes, this may seem counter-intuitive, but thinking about your finances all the time can not only cause stress within yourself, but stress within your home. It’s fine to think about bills that may be due that month or groceries that have to be purchased, but never think of them in dollars. We have a mindset that cringes at the thought of losing money even to important things like food, so if we imagine “funds” being used instead of dollars, our demeanor changes.

Set a Financial Timer

Do you find yourself constantly checking your account balances a few times a week or even a few times a day? Set a timer where you allot 10 minutes to check your finances a day. 10 minutes. No more and no less. This tells your brain that you’ll have a set part of the day when you can review your checking account, stocks, mutual funds, or any other finances. After doing this for a few months, our family is now down to checking our account only once a week for 10 minutes. Conditioning your mind to put any financial stress on the back burner until your scheduled financial time will allow you to rest your brain and calm your nerves about paying bills.

Set Long-Term Goals

Living paycheck to paycheck causes us to forget the end result of why we are paying off debt or staying on top of bills. Make solid long-term goals for you and your family. Maybe it’s a vacation to Australia or owning your own home, but keep those goals in mind each week. If you are attracted to visual encouragement, place a picture of your goal as a screensaver on your computer or your cell phone. Have the family create a vision board and place it in a prominent area of your home. Assign something positive to finances and you’re more inclined to stress less about it all.

Celebrate the Positive

While you’re making long-term goals for your finances, keep in mind the positive outcomes that are currently in your life. Have you paid down a debt? Celebrate. Are you on track to having multiple thousands of dollars in savings? Rejoice. Whether it’s getting a 20% decrease in your cable bill or you found a new way to automate payments that causes less stress, you have to celebrate those small victories within your finances. If we wait to acknowledge an accomplishment when it’s something big, we may never feel like we are getting anywhere within our finances. Pat yourself on the back weekly, daily, or even hourly. You deserve it.

Want more tips on how to stick to your budget? Sign up for our newsletter.

How to Plant a Victorious Deployment Garden

04/18/2014 By Julie Provost

Did you plant your deployment garden? It is already the middle of April and time to start planting those easy-to-grow vegetables, such as tomatoes, peppers, carrots, peas, and herbs. I have found peas to be one of the easiest vegetables to grow in my past deployment gardens.

Plant this month to eat tomatoes off the vine this summer.

The first step to planting a garden is research. You need to know what zone you live in. Different parts of the country should start their seeds at different times during the spring. You want to make sure you are doing what is best for where you live. Then you are more likely have success and enjoy the bounty of your work this summer.

Don’t know when’s the best time to plant? Consult the USDA’s Hardiness Zone Map.

I live in Tennessee, which is located in zone 6B. I already planted my sugar snap peas, carrots, and radishes. With the carrots I am planting a few every week. That way they will not all be ready for harvest at the same time. We can munch on a steady stream of home-grown carrots throughout summer.

Some plants are able to be put in the ground before your last frost date while others need to wait. Each vegetable is different and can handle different types of weather.

I am anxiously waiting to plant my corn until nighttime temperatures are consistently above 55 degrees. Unfortunately our temperatures are expected to hover around 30 degrees this week. Although by the calendar I can plant around the 15th of this month, I decided to wait until it warms up a little more.

I am also growing tomatoes and peppers which I started from seed back in February. These will not go into the garden until the first week in May. Right now I have eight tomato plants and two pepper plants in a small greenhouse.

A lot of the success of your garden will hinge on when you start your seeds or put your transplants in the ground. You want to make sure you know when is the right time to plant your vegetable seeds. Different types of seeds also require different planting depths. (Use your ruler to avoid planting too deeply or too shallow.)

If you are unsure about planting depth or plant spacing, read the vegetable’s seed packet. It gives you all the information you need.

What’s your favorite vegetable to grow at home?

You also want to use your best judgement when deciding what day to plant your seeds. If there is a windstorm predicted the day you were going to plant your garden, hold off until it passes. If you are having colder weather longer than you normally do, wait an extra few days.

Your plants will thank you.

What vegetables are you planting this spring?

Military Life & Depression: Part 1

04/17/2014 By Jessica Aycock

Military life is different than civilian life. Military life comes with its own stressors and challenges.

Here is a not-so-fun fact: Service members and their spouses are at a higher risk for depression than the general public.

Being a new spouse to military life can be a shock to your system: Where do you fit in? How do you make friends when you move every few years? What do you do when you’re so far away from your family and/or friends? And let’s not even talk about the whole new language to learn (PCS. OPSEC. MOS. TDY. Say what?) It’s like living in a foreign country.

Throw a deployment into the mix and you may find yourself with increased responsibility– for the finances, children (if you have any) AND worrying about your spouse’s safety.

Too often, new spouses don’t realize that the stress of this lifestyle– while normal– may be indicators of something more. Namely, depression.

Before my depression diagnosis eight years ago, I thought I was going through a rough time. I blamed my job and figured once I left, things would get better. Only the problem was deeper and it took a little extra help from a doctor to get back on my feet.

Know the Signs of Depression

The signs of depression vary for each person. How do you know if you’re depressed? You may be experiencing one or more of the following:

change in sleeping pattern (either can’t sleep or sleeping too much)
not finding joy in things you once loved
no longer interested in hobbies
overeating or loss of appetite
trouble concentrating or remembering details
feelings of despair, guilt, or hopelessness
headaches
irritability, restlessness
thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

Keep in mind that you may not have ALL of these symptoms– everyone is different. Personally, I slept close to 15 hours a day, had zero interest in anything outside of my home, felt completely hopeless, and suffered from migraines.

If you have any of these symptoms, please make an appointment with a mental health professional or your primary care doctor. You may also reach out to your Family Readiness Officer and a friend who is willing to listen.

Tell a friend if you are feeling depressed.

You shouldn’t be ashamed to admit that you’re feeling down, sad, or depressed. A large majority of people suffer from depression at some point in their lives. Some are able to pull themselves out of it and some of us need a little extra help.

Who do you talk to when you’re feeling down?

Commissary Specials Answer the Question: What’s for Dinner?

04/16/2014 By Julie Provost

At least once a week, the majority of military spouses are shopping for groceries at our military commissary. We are the ones who do most of the cooking. We are the ones facing the daily question: What’s for dinner?

The answer is found in the weekly commissary specials.

It’s hard to figure out what to make for dinner every night. Meal planning is best and can save money when you plan meals based on what’s on sale.

Slow cooker meals can be very easy and convenient to make, especially with our busy lives. The hardest part is to remember to turn it on at the right time. Start it too early and dinner will be done in the middle of the afternoon. Start it too late and you will be ordering pizza for dinner. I admit I have done that a time or two.

For a savory slow cooker dinner, I like to take a chicken breast, add water or chicken broth and some spices. I might do something simple like salt or pepper. You can also add in some convenient slow cooker sauces for flavor. There is a lot you can do to create different meals.

Save time and money by making dinner in your slow cooker.

I also like making deli sandwiches at home. They taste great and you can customize them the way that you want. Plus they are a lot cheaper than buying them from a store or eating out. Studies show that families on average spend less than $2 a day packing a sandwich for lunch. It is a good idea to have two types of deli meat in your refrigerator. Add cheese, veggies, and your favorite sauce or dressing and you are good to go.

Sandwiches are a healthy and affordable lunch.

Making your own desserts is a lot cheaper than buying them baked and packaged at the grocery store. You just need a little time to prepare. Cake and brownie mixes (where you only need to add oil, water, eggs, or butter) are basically foolproof.

I like to stock my pantry with cake and brownie mixes and have them on hand. Then I am ready to bring a yummy dessert to an FRG meeting, Bunco social, or a neighborhood barbecue on a moment’s notice.

The items I mentioned in this post are on sale at your military commissary this month. Did I spark some ideas for meal plans? I hope so. Happy cooking!

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7 Ways You Sabotage Your Morning – And 1 Way To Stop

04/14/2014 By Military Shoppers

I think we all know about the benefits of breakfast – but sometimes the benefit of those extra 15 minutes of sleep are so easy to put higher on the morning priority list. So, for this list post, I decided to write about the bad things that happen when I don’t have breakfast, instead of the good things that can happen to you if you do have breakfast. Maybe that will have more of an impact…

When I don’t eat breakfast…

1…I get a massive headache and it is always a surprise…always.

2….The small things bother me…like dog kibble on the ground or long lines at the grocery store.

3…Small tasks seem insurmountable. The pile of dishes, the mountain of laundry, the pages of e-mails, and long list of voicemails I have to sift through.

4…The kids are louder – exponential decibels louder.

5…I don’t have enough energy to work out.

6…I eat more at dinner.

7…I can’t make up my workout because I ate too much at dinner.

Stop Chasing the Ideal Breakfast

Not having breakfast in the morning messes with my entire day, and yet it is still really hard for me to learn my lesson. I want so desperately to have that picturesque breakfast in the morning where the family is gathered around the table with steamy eggs, bacon, maybe a muffin or two.

But that breakfast is not realistic for most of us crazy busy Americans…and honestly, bacon and muffins aren’t that great for us either.

What IS manageable is cereal. Cereal with some extra nutritional boosts:

Start Your Day With A Smile

Honey Nut Cheerios or Cinnamon Toast Crunch with a spoonful of milled flaxseed and milk. I’m a little addicted to my Cheerios (I’m eating a bowl now…it #mustbethehoney). I like adding milled flaxseed to food wherever I can since it adds extra fiber, iron, and omega-3 acids…and it’s easy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drC2fA86Nc4

You can get the big boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios and Cinnamon Toast Crunch at the commissary for cheap. Plus cereal doubles as breakfast and late-night snack.

Want to know what else you can do with Honey Nut Cheerios? Check out the cheerios recipes page and get inspired.

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