Military Life News

Military Life News, Commissary Rewards and Military Discounts

Carter Says Women in Combat Could Be More Vulnerable to Sexual Predators

By

Nothing gets a woman more determined than to tell her she can’t do something, especially when she has already set her mind to it.

Defense Secretary Carter Says Women in Ground Combat Positions More Vulnerable to Sexual Assault

Whether ground combat positions are available to women or not in the future, the door to discussion is open.

The U.S. military has maintained that women cannot hold ground combat positions and for some women that just makes them want it that much more. This has driven so many women to fight for the chance to prove they can, that they measure up and have what it takes to do the job.

In 2013, for the first time women were able to enter into roles that were previously only held by men. Just as doors have opened to women in new areas throughout the military though, Defense Secretary Ashton Carter has made a few comments that might set that back. “Allowing women to serve in ground combat positions could make them more vulnerable to sexual predators,” Carter remarked to Reserve Officers’ Training Corps cadets at Georgetown University.

Obviously, as we get women into more unaccustomed positions, maybe dangerous isolated positions, maybe positions where they are fewer in relation to the number of men, it opens up opportunities for predators.

He then spun it and said there could be a positive effect of bringing more women into areas that have only been open to men.

“I can’t help but believe for many people; they’ll learn better how to conduct themselves, how to interact across gender lines and so forth. And that will contribute to prevention and eventually eradication of sexual assaults,” he added.

Social media exploded with comments in all directions replying to Carter’s statements.

Carl Woog, a spokesman for Carter, quickly came to his defense saying Carter opened the door to 20,000 new jobs for women in the military since taking office and that he is committed to ending sexual assault within the ranks.

Defense Secretary Carter Says Women in Ground Combat Positions More Vulnerable to Sexual Assault

How do you feel about Carter’s statements?

Some people on social media have honed in on “allowing” women to have these positions as anti-feminist. Others have fixated on “make them more vulnerable,” as if women were completely defenseless. I particularly liked one comment:

“How about we bar predators from combat roles instead of women doing their jobs?”

If Carter really wants to open military positions to women, are these comments helping or hurting that goal? Many people are mad and in this digital age, they aren’t afraid to sound-off about it.

This uproar could actually be a good thing though. It has people talking about sexual assault in the military. While some are afraid jobs will be closed off to women because of the potential risk of predators, I’m more inclined toward opening those doors. I want to see women fill those roles and lead our great country. I want them to succeed.

Whether ground combat positions are available to women or not in the future, the door to discussion is open. It is apparent at least with these few comments Defense Secretary Carter has a spotlight now shining on him. Will more jobs become available or will they be closed off to women because of him? Hopefully, the military will see changes for the good, no matter what those changes may be.

What do you think about Carter’s comments?

Military Families May Need to Pay for ER Visits in the Future

By

There are a range of proposals being discussed in Congress right now for the 2016 fiscal year that affect military families. The Tricare reforms catch our attention because of the changes to procedures or policies in our health care system. One detail that particularly stands out is the proposed changes in emergency room care.

Military Families May Need to Pay for ER Visits in the Future

An ER fee is only a single proposal among many that are being considered by lawmakers related to health care for military families.

Under the 2016 plan, military families would have to pay a fee depending on your sponsor’s rank to utilize emergency room care for a misused visit.

What would deem a misused visit?

That’s still up for debate and can spark a whole new issue if the proposal does get approved.

Military Families May Need to Pay for ER Visits in the Future

Do you frequently visit the ER because your MTF is closed at nights or on the weekends?

Military families are rallying together to oppose the emergency room fees arguing that often times we are driven to use ERs for immediate care. When a parent would call their local MTF (Military Treatment Facility), it might be weeks or at worst months to schedule an appointment with their PCM (Primary Care Manager).

Additional factors that drive families to ER visits are MTF locations closed at needed times (evenings or weekends), not being able to receive the proper referrals to an Urgent Care facility and not to mention, the wait for paperwork to get pushed through, so you can start utilizing your new MTF location.

For example, immediately after my PCS to Virginia (literally 3 days after we moved in), I caught a sinus infection. My husband wasn’t due to report for another couple weeks, but I knew I had to see a doctor as soon as possible. Because of the tight turnaround, I didn’t have the proper paperwork ready or even changed our MTF facility yet. At the recommendation of hospital personnel, I used the emergency room so I could be seen and receive prompt attention.

Would this circumstance be considered a legitimate emergency under this proposal?

Also, you never really know what would constitute as a non-emergency when you may not actually know what’s going on yet. For example, if your daughter is complaining about her knee after a hard fall, do you take her to the ER on Saturday morning? Or wait it out until Monday when the MTF is open?

This proposal leaves a lot of questions unanswered and as a result, we start playing the waiting game on our family members’ health.

Keep in mind that adding a fee to emergency room care is only a single proposal among many that are being discussed by lawmakers. National Military Family Association, a nonprofit that advocates for military families on Capitol Hill, breaks it down for us here.

NMFA argues that the problem stems from military families not given the proper avenues for urgent care and day-of appointments. The organization is working toward “improved access to acute care appointments for all military families using MTFs.”

In addition, NMFA started a petition for this particular issue. If you disagree with the emergency room care fee, sign their petition here.

What do you think of this proposal? Do you frequently visit the ER because your MTF is closed at nights or on the weekends?

Hot Topic: Air Force Gate Guards Saying “Have a Blessed Day”

By

Can certain religious words be offensive? What happens when they are said in a professional manner by a gate guard on a military base? How does the freedom of religion play into all of this?

Hot Topic: Air Force Gate Guards Saying "Have a Blessed Day"

After widespread outcry, the Air Force reversed a decision to ban Robins Air Force Base security personnel from saying “Have a blessed day” to people entering the gates. The gate guards were told not to give the greeting after an unidentified airman complained to the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, according to the group’s website. The foundation had complained to the base and the base issued the ban.

Overall the military community is usually in favor of religious liberty. However, in this case, those who are offended by a religious greeting are being told that they need to just let things go.

When it comes to situations like this, I always try to put myself in the shoes of the other person. As a Christian, would I be OK with someone using a saying from another religion? Would I be bothered if every time I entered a gate I heard a Buddhist or Muslim greeting? Is it fair for anyone to be bothered by it?

I am not one to get offended by such things but I do think there needs to be a rule of some kind. Either the gate guards can say what they want, regardless of their religion or there needs to be a standard.

You can’t say that the Christian phrases are OK to say and not allow Muslim, Buddhist, Jewish or Pagan gate guards to have the same right.

I don’t know that I have ever heard a phrase like this in all my years of going through the gates at the military posts we have lived at, although I might just not remember hearing them say anything like that. Usually they tell me, “Have a good day” which is not religious but still nice to hear. That phrase says basically the same thing as, “have a blessed day” without all of the controversy.

There is the argument that if you tell a gate guard not to say something religious you are not allowing him to have his or her own faith. That is not true. They might not be able to say that phrase but no one is telling them they can not practice their own faith when they are off-duty.

I think it is important to remember that not everyone in the military practices the same faith. Because of that not everyone is going to be OK with certain religious phrases being said to them in a professional manner. I don’t think changing the regulations on it is out of line. Now that Robins Air Force base reversed the decision to ban the phrase, I am not sure there will be a chance to change it again. If enough people are bothered by it, it would be a way to create a more balanced religious environment for those in the military.

Now it’s your turn: What do you think of the greeting “Have a blessed day?” Are you offended?

5 Government Housing Faux Pas

By

Government housing. You love living on post; you hate living on post.

We lived in government housing during our time in Germany and for the most part we enjoyed it. It made life a little easier and made it really easy to meet other members of the military.

When you live on post, you have to abide by rules that you might not otherwise have to go by. Here at Ft. Campbell, living on post feels more strict than living off. I have friends getting in trouble for things that I don’t even think twice about living in my own house off post.

In theory these rules are to keep everything looking nice and regulated, you know, just like a military housing community should be. Although some of the rules seem over the top, most do a good job of keeping the area looking the way it should.

5 Government Housing Faux Pas

If you live on post, don’t forget to mow your lawn.

If you live in military housing, you want to make sure that you understand any faux pas so you don’t become that neighbor. No one wants to be that neighbor.

  1. Not Picking up Trash. You would think that grown adults would know this but that isn’t always the case. When we were in Germany, we had to share a trash can with our neighbor and the trash bins were kept in a space of six cans. We tried to keep our area cleaned up but others did not. It looked like the start of a landfill. It is simply not cool to not pick up your trash, leave trash in your yard or just not be aware of what needs to be done when it comes to your waste.
  2. Being Loud. This is one of the parts of living off post that I enjoy. My neighborhood is really quiet. With on-post housing you have a lot of people in a smaller space. Some people can get too loud, especially during a three-day weekend. The military loves to hang out when they have time off but don’t be the house on the block that everyone wants to call the MPs on. Be respectful of your neighbors and keep your volume levels on low.
  3. Wandering Kids. There is an age when kids should be allowed to walk around their neighborhood without a parent. Three years old is not that age. When we first moved to government housing I was shocked at how young the kids were that showed up on the playground without a parent. Just because you are on a military post doesn’t mean it is safe for such a young child to be walking around without supervision. Keep an eye on your young children and wait until they are a little older to let them roam.
  4. Not Cutting Your Grass. This is a hard one.  I know how hard mowing the lawn can be when you have to do it yourself when your husband is deployed and you have very small children. However, this chore must be done. In most places you will get in trouble if you don’t do it in a timely manner. If you are lucky enough to live in a place where they do it for you, thank your lucky stars because in most places you have to mow the backyard.
  5. Starting Drama. Lonely wives, spare time and close spaces can easily lead to drama. Sometimes the drama is over something silly like a dog barking too much or kids who don’t get along. Other times it can get out of hand with yelling matches across the street. Please, just stay away from drama. Mind your own business and be friendly. That will go a long way in allowing your neighborhood to be a peaceful place. You can make some wonderful friends by getting to know your neighbors. Don’t blow the chance to make new friends by being a drama queen.

Do you or have you lived in base housing? What faux pas have you committed?

Hot Topic: Should We Use the Flag as a Photo Prop?

By

Veterans, service members, photographers, civilians and military spouses have separated into 2 groups lately. Those who are offended by photos using the U.S. flag and those who feel some patriotic photos are touching and beautiful.

The online discussion started with this image.

Should The Flag Be Used as a Photo Prop?

Photo Credit: Vanessa Hicks Photography

The Navy Times reported last month that a Navy veteran, now professional photographer was proud of her photo of a newborn cradled in a flag held by his active-duty father.

“I took a stand by not taking the picture down as this group wanted me to do because I did not feel I was disrespecting our flag in any way,” Vanessa Hicks said in an interview with the Navy Times. “Service members, veterans and their families saw the photo, saw the intent behind, and respect it. They have shown overwhelming support. And I think the group that first threatened me now realize they messed with the wrong group.”

The photo, which some call controversial, isn’t that original. Military babies are often photographed with their serving parent’s uniform, including cover, boots and dog tags. Look at all the cute baby photos that have been submitted for MilitaryShoppers monthly photo contests. I’ve seen countless baby photos on Facebook that feature newborns sleeping on a military uniform, usually near the patch with their surname.

Should We Use the Flag as a Photo Prop?

Is the flag a photo prop?

But on Facebook, Hicks’ photo, which was featured on Fox News and ABC’s Good Morning America, ignited a debate about respect for the U.S. flag and who gets to wrap themselves in Old Glory.

The U.S. Flag Code is often quoted in this debate.  Here’s the line that everyone refers to:

The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery.

That’s most likely the line that managers of the Facebook group, “You Call Yourself A Photographer?” were referring to when they posted the controversial photo.

The flag is not a prop. I repeat: The flag is not a prop,” the group posted. “To use the American flag in such a way is disrespectful, rude, tacky, disgusting and against the U.S. Flag Code.

So what about athletes? They wrap themselves in a flag after a victory. They are frequently photographed with the U.S. flag for photo shoots.

Photo Credit: Nike

What about women wearing the flag and nothing else? A quick Google search will give the results I’m referring to. You can also purchase these types of pictures on many popular stock image websites.

Should We Use the Flag as a Photo Prop?

Are you offended by these images?

What about wounded veterans?

Flag veteran

The U.S. flag belongs to every American, regardless if they volunteered for military service or not. We can say that we don’t want the U.S. flag to be used as a photo prop, but the fact of the matter is that this prop is not the same as a pink tutu, white angel wings or a miniature teddy bear. The U.S. flag is an extensive of our country. It represents the USA. Its stripes and its stars trigger a sea of complicated emotions in many people, but especially among veterans and military families.

Is the flag a prop? Yes.

Is that OK? Yes.

As military families we deeply understand the emotions of the U.S. flag. That’s why it’s so near and dear to our hearts. That’s why we photograph our military children with it. And that’s why we will continue to photograph our children with it.

What do you think? Are you offended by these images? Should the American flag be used as a prop in photographs?

The Ins and Outs of the Tricare Choice Proposal

By

As military families, we have a love-hate relationship with Tricare. Every military family has an opinion and the topic comes up quite easily in group settings. Prepare for the onslaught of Tricare talk at your next gathering as the program may completely change as early as 2017.

Understanding the Costs of the Tricare Choice Proposal

What do you think about the proposed Tricare Choice?

The Military Compensation and Retirement Modernization Commission recently released its 302-page final report that outlines recommendations to “modernize the Uniformed Services’ compensation and retirement system.” This report includes a complete overhaul of the Tricare program.

Here are the ins and outs of the proposed changes to Tricare.

Currently Tricare offers health care programs, such as Tricare Prime and Tricare Standard. You choose a program and are locked into its rules.

The Military Compensation and Retirement Modernization Commission has decided, based on surveys and town hall meetings, that military families would like more options and to be able to have more say in their medical treatment. The commission’s proposal therefore would completely do away with every Tricare plan except Tricare for Life. Tricare for Life would remain exactly the same.

A new program, Tricare Choice, would replace the current system. According to the report, Tricare Choice would

increase access, choice and value of health care for active duty family members, reserve component members and retirees by allowing beneficiaries to choose from a selection of commercial insurance plans offered through a Department of Defense health benefit program.

This being said, the proposed privatized program would allow families to choose a health care plan from a list similar to that of federal employees. The level of care and costs associated with that would be determined by the plan chosen. Options would include:

  • traditional fee-for-service plans
  • those offered by health maintenance organizations
  • preferred provider network options from some of the biggest names in the industry, including Blue Cross/Blue Shield, United Healthcare, Kaiser Foundation and more.

There would be new benefits such as chiropractic care, fertility treatments and acupuncture that are not covered under the current system; of course each would come at a cost.

The Tricare Young Adult program would be cut and adult dependent children under the age of 26 would be covered under their parent’s Tricare Choice plan no matter their circumstances. Unlike the current program, this would allow these dependents to stay in the program even if they are “married, not living with their parents, attending school, financially independent or eligible to enroll in their own employer’s health care plan.”

Related: Commission Recommends Combining Commissaries, Exchanges

Tricare dental plans would remain the same with a few Tricare Choice options including partial dental care coverage.

What does the Tricare Choice proposal mean to you?

For active duty members, everything remains the same. Active duty and reserve family members as well as retirees would choose a plan during annual open enrollment and be able to pick the doctors they prefer including military treatment facilities if the plan allowed it. They would pay 5 percent of premiums initially and it would increase each year until it topped out at 20 percent of costs or until they become eligible for Medicare or Tricare for Life. Co-payments would be made, even when visiting a military treatment facility. They would also pay an annual enrollment fee. The report estimates that “retirees with families would see their average total out-of-pocket costs increase from about $2,000 a year to $3,500.”

How will these new costs be covered?

The commission recommended that a basic allowance for health care, BAHC, be created to completely cover premiums, cost-shares and co-payments. The money would be directly paid to the insurance company in part and the rest would go straight to the service member. If a plan is chosen that costs less than the BAHC, the family could actually make money.

The government, of course, could potentially save money as well. The Defense Department currently has a $49 billion annual health budget. The MCRMC report estimates that this new plan would cut personnel spending for the departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs by $12 billion a year.

The report is now headed to Congress where they will decide the future of Tricare. There are 9.2 million military beneficiaries who will be waiting to hear the outcome.

What do you think about the proposed Tricare Choice? Are you willing to incur an additional expense for more health care options?

Commission Recommends Combining Commissaries, Exchanges

By

Commission Recommends Combining Military Commissaries, Exchanges

What proposed changes do you support for the commissaries?

The commissary. It’s one of those bread-and-butter military perks that comes with having your military ID. The commissary is where military families, old and young, get their milk, meat and cereal. It’s used by active duty families and retirees alike. Shopping and saving money at the commissary is one of the benefits available to our military community.

The commissary also seems to be one of the first benefits discussed every year when Congress, the Department of Defense and lobbyists are debating ways to trim the defense budget. This year isn’t any different.

Tucked in the Military Compensation and Retirement Modernization Commission’s 15 recommendations to modernize the military is a proposal to combine the commissary and exchange systems into a single defense resale organization. The commission’s final report was released in late January. You can read the entire report here.

Currently, the Defense Commissary Agency (DeCA) operates commissaries that provide groceries to authorized patrons (you and me and anyone else with a valid military ID) at cost with a 5-percent surcharge, which covers the costs of building new commissaries and modernizing existing ones. DeCA promotes that commissary shoppers “save an average of more than 30 percent on their purchases compared to commercial prices – savings that amount to thousands of dollars annually when shopping regularly at a commissary.”

On the flip side of military retail coin is the DoD operated exchange system that includes the Army Air Force Exchange System (AAFES), the Navy Exchange (NEX), and the Marine Corps Exchange (MCX). Exchanges have everything from beer to military uniforms and sell their merchandise at a profit. The benefit of the exchange is no sales tax.

Keep in mind that the “gross profits (from the exchanges) are used to support the exchange system, covering operating and other expenses; recapitalize facilities and systems; or are provided as dividends to fund MWR programs.”

When you’re stationed overseas, both the commissary and exchange are vital to your quality of life. Both retail organizations hire military dependents and veterans.

Together, commissaries and exchanges provide goods and services with total annual sales of more than $17 billion in 2013.

Based on an in-depth study that included town hall meetings and quality of life surveys, the bipartisan Military Compensation and Retirement Modernization Commission unanimously recommended a consolidated resale organization.

A consolidated resale organization, with combined resources, increased operational flexibility, and better alignment of incentives and policies, would improve the viability and stability of these systems. It would sustain the benefit while reducing the combined reliance on appropriated funding over time. The increased flexibility and opportunities available to a consolidated organization could enable a deeper level of cooperation to improve quality and drive the efficiencies recommended by numerous studies. The many similarities, overlaps, and redundancies in processes, staffing, and support infrastructures favor the consolidation process. Establishing an executive structure and means of oversight that ensures alignment with the needs and goals of Service members and the Military Services is critical.”

–the 2015 Military Compensation and Retirement Modernization Commission Final Report

The proposal also said that a portion of profits would continue to support MWR programs and the commissaries would keep their current 5-percent surcharge. The surcharge was set at 5 percent in 1983.

This consolidated system would “allow the sale of convenience items in commissaries at a profit, including products and services typically found in commercial grocers.” Food and other “essential items” would still be sold at cost.

The report also said “This expanded commissary product line would include beer and wine, but those sales must align with DoD’s efforts to deglamorize alcohol and reduce its abuse.”

Basically in a nutshell, this proposal is intended to reduce the overhead costs of operating the commissaries and exchanges separately. It’s not expected to affect the costs of shopping at either store and if approved, this consolidated system may make shopping on-base more like shopping at Walmart.

Now it’s your turn: What proposed changes do you support for the commissaries?

Female Pioneers Breaking the Military Elite Barrier, One Pushup at a Time

By

Remember Shannon Faulkner? In 1995, Faulkner was the first woman to enroll at the Citadel following a federal court order. I remember Faulkner. I was a high school student at the time and I closely followed her court case. Even though I personally had no intention of attending a military academy or enlisting in the military, I cheered on Faulkner and her right to try. Her right to follow her dream. Her right to prove herself against the male students.

Twenty years later, I find myself again cheering on those female pioneers in the military. The ones who are working to break gender barriers to prove that they are tough enough, strong enough and smart enough to call themselves Army Rangers.

Should women be able to be Army Rangers?

What do you think of women serving as Army Rangers?

Media outlets, from NPR to Fox News, have been closely following 60 women who volunteered and were allowed to participate in the two-week-long Ranger Training Assessment Course (RTAC) that ended on Jan. 31. This first class was aimed at making the training standard for females. And I’m a big believer in that.

Let’s not sell women short by adopting lower standards to earn the Ranger tab. Every single Ranger should be able to meet the same qualifications.

Out of 122 soldiers who started RTAC, 48 percent passed. There were 43 male dropouts in addition to the 21 women, the Army Times reported. Five women, all officers, completed RTAC, which is considered to be a reliable litmus test for which soldiers are likely to have a chance at passing the Ranger Course.

First Females Competing to be Army Rangers

First Lt. Christel Sacco, executive officer of Company B, 1st Battalion, 61st Infantry Regiment, at Fort Jackson, S.C., is training to earn her Ranger tab.

Last December, for the first time, 3 women passed the Marine Corps’ physical test to become infantry officers. Two dozen female Marines have tried to pass the test since the course opened its doors to women in 2012. Later this year, U.S. Special Operations Command and Naval Special Warfare are expected to announce if the rank of SEAL will be available to women.

All this female integration stems from former Defense Secretary Leon Panetta’s announcement in 2012 to open combat positions to women. In 2013, he lifted the military’s exclusion on women in direct ground combat. By 2016, the military must open all combat jobs to women or ask for special exceptions.

Twenty years after Faulkner’s legal battle, I am even more emotionally attached to integrating females into all aspects of the military. Today I’m a Navy wife and I’ve seen my husband work alongside and under the outstanding leadership of women all the way up to Rear Admiral Katherine Gregory. Gregory is the first female flag officer in the Civil Engineer Corps.

I’m also the mother of 2 young girls who are constantly asking if boys are better than girls. Just last night, my daughter asked if girls can be Seabees. Of course, my husband and I reassured her. Girls can do anything that boys can do. Some day soon, they will even be able to serve as Army Rangers.

Now it’s your turn. What do you think about women serving in elite units on the frontlines?

Expect the Unexpected and More Valuable Advice for Soon-to-Be Military Spouses

By

The holidays bring a lot of joy and excitement, including engagements and marriages. My husband and I got married in a courtroom 3 days before Christmas and a week before overseas orders in 2012.

Months before our wedding, my husband PCSed from Fort Drum and I tagged along for the almost cross-country move from New York to Arizona. I had a feeling that he would propose sometime during our trip (spoiler alert, he did propose at the end of the trip and I said “yes”).

Now, 3 years after saying “I do,” I’ve learned a whole lot, and I admit, I still have a whole lot to learn. In my father’s 20+ year career, I’ve witnessed the challenges of my rock star mother and she would always tell me to live day by day. I take that advice to heart and look to her for guidance and strength. The most important lesson I’ve learned so far is that despite all the trials and/or difficulties military life could bring, its community is the most loving, understanding and powerful asset for military spouses. We’re all in this crazy life together!

Expect the Unexpected and More Valuable Advice for Soon-to-Be Military Spouses

 

Here is a sampling of important advice I’ve learned as a military spouse:

  1. Question Everything. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and really, you should be asking a lot of questions. There are a lot of moving parts with the military (ie., PCS, Tricare, retirement), so asking a lot of questions will ensure you understand this lifestyle better.
  2. Open Your Mind. There will be days when you scratch your head at the military, but don’t lose sight of the bigger picture. For example, things can change at a moment’s notice or there might be some rules that don’t make any sense to you. Be sure you keep an open mind.
  3. Expect the Unexpected. Nothing is set in stone. Orders can change and TDYs pop-up whenever.
  4. Expect Stereotypes. People may judge you inside and outside the military community. When I started dating my husband, people wondered why. There is a stigma with people that decide to join the military. There is also a stigma with newbie spouses. Don’t let anything or anyone get you down as you continue to grow within the military community because that isn’t a reflection of everyone. There are so many people out there that are kind and helpful. I’ve never experienced any negativity, but it’s out there.
  5. Find the Compromise. When the military threw the curveball of an overseas assignment at my husband before our nuptials, I really wanted the “dream” wedding– nothing big, just something with my dad walking me down the aisle and my family and friends there. So, we arranged for a courthouse ceremony first and the traditional church wedding at my childhood church when his assignment was over. It ended up being perfect for us. Compromise is your mantra.
  6. Keep Your Sense of Self Worth. No matter what, don’t lose sight of yourself! Take the time to do things that make you special and happy.

Are you engaged to a service member? What questions do you have about military life?

Commissary Congestion: 5 Faux Pas That Disrupt Grocery Shopping Harmony

By

My husband and I do our grocery shopping at the commissary. We’re close enough to the post and we see a lot of benefits to shopping there, especially as newlyweds.

Now at the height of the holiday season, the commissary has been getting noticeably chaotic. With all the craziness, it’s easier for people to get short tempered and frustrated. But, let’s not forget what the holiday season means to us. It’s a time to be giving and kind.

As we shop in the commissary there are a handful of unwritten rules that keeps our shopping experience in line.

Instead of dismissing the shoppers that are committing commissary faux pas, refer to the spirit of the holidays and shop in harmony. There are ways to make sure your commissary experience doesn’t turn into a battle.

Faux Pas #1: Wearing Pajamas, Spandex. There is a dress code for shopping on base or post. My husband shared it with me early on when I suggested that we swing by the commissary right after a workout. It’s frowned upon to show up wearing work-out gear as well as pajamas or other risque clothing. Because there are rules, doesn’t mean everyone will abide by them. I always find someone wearing sweatpants or pajamas at the commissary. Well, I have no right to snicker at them or turn my nose. I have no idea how their day went. We’re all in the commissary on a mission. No need to get judgemental. We’ve all had rough days.

Faux Pas #2: Weaving Around the Aisle. When you decide to shop at the commissary, it’s a given that it will take time. My husband and I plan our trips, so we can make the best use of our time and I always walk in with a list. There is always somebody rushing back and forth between the aisles. As a result, that person is making it a bit harder for others to navigate. I practice the rule of the road and leave my cart and drive to the very right. If I need something to the left, I leave it there and just move myself to grab the item.

When we all stay right, it gives the speedracers some room and we all benefit.

Faux Pas #3: Hovering over the Ground Beef. Meat at the commissary is cheaper than other groceries stores and there is always a good amount of people in the meat section. After my father separated from the military, my parents would still make the trip to drive on-base to stock up on meat (weird, I know). The worst is when people would just stand at the same spot for what seems like forever. Instead of getting heated, take a deep breath and kindly ask to reach over or if they seem like they need help, open your mouth and see if there is anything you can do. A little goes a long way, so pay it forward.

Faux Pas #4: Ordering Countless Pounds of Deli Meat. There is always someone in line at the deli counter. My husband dreads going, but he loves his turkey and ham sandwiches for lunch. It’s really a struggle to get him to wait because he gets so impatient when there someone ordering 10 different kinds of deli product and having them slice pounds and pounds of it. Well, you gotta do what you gotta do. If he wants his sandwiches, he’ll have to wait. So, we tag team to make sure we get the most out of our visit. I continue checking off the items on our list, while he’s there. Also, our commissary pre-slices certain meats and cheeses for smaller families, so we’ll opt to do that sometimes.

Faux Pas #5: Shopping with Your Troupe of Kiddos. My husband and I don’t have children yet so, I can’t really relate with the moms and dads that have to bring their kids to the commissary. From my experience, I’ve had to dodge running toddlers and weary parents as they try to do their grocery shopping with kids. I take things with a grain of salt and understanding. I can’t imagine how difficult it may be to arrange childcare and then have to be responsible for groceries for your family. I’m sure the parents of the world get it and us disgruntled newlyweds have to exercise our patience.

How do you handle the longer lines and congestion at the commissary during the holiday season?