It’s over. Done. Finito. Now, it’s just about getting the whole family together again, finally. All that’s left is the hugs and kisses. But who gets that first homecoming hug?

Honestly, this is a huge topic of controversy for military families, especially parents and spouses. Everyone seems to want that “first” contact after deployment is finished, but there can only be one.

Deciding Who Gets the First Homecoming Hug

There are some serious familial politics at play. No matter what, it seems like someone might walk away with hurt feelings.

Let’s break it on down to make your next homecoming super simple! All these scenarios assume that parents and/or extended family will be present along with the service member’s significant other and kids.

Single Service Member

This one is a no-brainer: parents get the first hug! When a service member arrives back from deployment, they might be the only ones there to provide a welcome.

After parents, if necessary, move down through siblings to extended family, then friends.

A single service member coming with no significant other is so simple.

Dating or Engaged Service Member

This is where the family politics come into play, with parents often butting head with significant others. Which means that everyone is going to need to communicate clearly, openly and honestly. Mostly, it comes down to service member preference: parents or significant other.

If Mom and Dad get the first hug, the significant other should obviously get the second. And vice versa.

That said, if the service member is in a long term serious committed relationship or is engaged, the significant other should take preference. they’ve moved into the “spouse” role (see below).

Either way, talk as a family and a couple before homecoming to be super clear about what’s happening and why.

There are no losers here: the service member is home.

Married Service Member, No Kids

Hey parents, in this case, back off the first hug urge. I get that this is your baby, coming home after months away. But you’ve also been somewhat removed from the stress of this deployment.

Your grown child’s spouse has been holding it down at home, dealing with the absence of their loved one for months on end. They’ve done the bills, handled household emergencies and been super involved with the FRG.

Mom and Dad, grab that second hug and savor it!

Married Service Member, Kids

Everyone hold on, because the kids get first dibs here! Their world has been rocked by their parent’s absence. Plus, they probably look pretty sweet in those special homecoming outfits.

Get out of their way, they’re getting their parent!

After the kids get scooped up, the spouse should be next in line for a hug and kiss. There might be a big family hug worked in here, too.

If anyone else is around, work down the line: parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and then friends.

Why Are We Even Talking About This?

Okay, yes, it might seem pretty basic. There’s an order and preference for who gets that first hug that should be pretty intuitive: kids, spouse/significant other, parents, others.

But we wouldn’t be having this discussion if there weren’t pretty widespread issues around homecomings. Especially when it comes to a mom wanting the first hug over anyone and everyone else, including the kids.

There have been cases of parents literally racing a spouse to get the first hug. Other reports of parents, especially mothers, hugging and not letting go have also trickled down through the ranks.

Let’s be clear: unless the service member says otherwise or they simply aren’t in the picture, homecoming first hugs are for spouses and kids. Mom, sorry, this isn’t your show anymore. Your child is grown, even if it’s hard to imagine. Their spouse and their kids have born the brunt of this deployment and they get first dibs on hugs or kisses.

Other Homecoming Related Concerns & Issues

Homecoming seems to be a topic of much discussion and lots of stress. And it mostly falls on the military spouse to handle the load of planning, inviting and prepping for this glorious day.

So, in case you were wondering, here are some things you might want to think about as the service member, military parent or extended family.

Returning Service Member

Stick to the plan, no deviations. Seriously. Don’t need to run a quick errand real fast. There are no rides offered or shuttling services provided before, during or after your homecoming.

Don’t do it.

Your spouse, kids and/or parents just want to get you home.

Remember that your spouse and/or parents have likely spent some time getting the house spotless for your return. Dropping your gear in a messy pile in the living room might ruffle some feathers. Definitely find a drop-spot, but keep things out of the way until you can sort them properly.

Other than this, it’s your day! Take a nap, pop a cold one and chow down!

Out-of-Town Visitors

This is sensitive. You want to welcome your hero home, but also want to avoid stepping on any toes. Which means that you need to wait for an invite, preferably from the spouse.

Don’t invite yourself. There might be other factors at play here which would make your presence intrusive.

By all means, come if you’re invited though. But rent a car and get a hotel. your loved one and his/her spouse. If you opt to stay with them, things might get awkward. After all, it’s been a long deployment.

How do you handle homecoming politics? We’d love to get your best advice!

We’ve entered, or maybe have been in for a while, a unique space for military families, spouses specifically. It’s the land of discounts, freebies and entitlements.

Yup, it’s time for us to talk about all the stuff we get for free. But more than that, it’s long overdue that our community talks about just how much this system of “for free” has impacted us overall.

Don’t You Offer a Military Discount or Freebie?

Now, look, I’m the very last person you’ll hear complain about military discounts, included benefits or support programs. I’ve happily used TriCare insurance and military treatment facilities for over a decade. Saving those few dollars on shoes or Disney tickets is kind of sweet, too. Plus, it’s a boon to our community that there are support programs, like EFMP or MFLC, available to us.

Because, let’s face it, no service member is in this life to get rich – quick or otherwise. There are sacrifices to be made, and we all make them regularly and willingly.

I appreciate all of the amazing benefits, like those discounts and that healthcare and all the support organizations, because I use them regularly. I’m not, 100% not ever, suggesting that we get rid of them. They’re needed, deeply truly needed, by our community.

But we’re not entitled to them. We don’t just get them because of our affiliation with the DoD.

We Need to Check Our Entitlement to More

So, in case you’re unaware, part of military spouse life in this generation is being pretty active on social media. Yup, I’m talking about Facebook and Twitter.

Inside of those social spaces, various groups have sprung up over the years. Some are for the military community generally and others are just for military spouses. There are even some that are branch, rank or base-specific. Guess what? I’m in a fair few of them.

And sometimes, what I’m seeing from our community bugs me.

“They don’t offer a military discount or upgrade”

Again, let me say, I get that the budget is tight and every little bit counts. But come on, guys, it’s getting a bit extreme.

Did you know, the other week, I saw a rant, a full-on diatribe, about how suchandsuch an airline wasn’t extending no-fee baggage for active military to the non-serving spouse? Yeah, no, that’s a thing I saw. And it’s not even the first time. Try more like the thousandth time for that particular rant.

There are folks who get all up in arms about stores or tourist attractions who have certain rules about applying military discounts. I’ve even seen small business owners, members of the military spouse community, told that they ought to be giving away their products or services for free.

Why? Great question.

“Because you’re one of us and you need to support your own.”

Yeah. Okay. I don’t think giving away homemade soaps or hours of tutoring pays the bills, Brenda.

What’s grinding my gears is the notion, clearly not held by every military member or spouse, that discounts and freebies should be happening no matter what. That the non-serving spouse should get that free baggage for a pleasure trip to Las Vegas just the same as the AD service member on orders. Or that a military spouse who tutors should be providing free services to her neighbors just because “military discount.”

When did we get so entitled? Why are we expecting to get discounts and freebies from everyone and everything?

And why, oh why, are we getting mad about instances when those things aren’t happening?

Are We Insulated & Entitled?

Everyone walks their own roads, fights their own battles and gets through the day the best they can. Honestly, I get that.

But what else am I to think when I see people throwing virtual (and sometimes in real life) fits about not getting their “deserved” discount? What am I to think when I read (and sometimes have to listen to in real life) rants about suchandsuch business should be ashamed because of their lack of or minimal military discount?

Really, stop and think about it.

We are entitled to nothing from no one. Not one single business has to offer military troops or families a discount. Just like they don’t need to offer one to first responders or teachers or accountants or doctors or lawyers or the general public.

But our families generally get a discount.

We get cheaper tickets to Disney parks in the US. Sometimes our bags get checked free or we can board first. Some places, like SeaWorld, even offer completely free admission a few times a year.

We get discounts, big and small, at many retailers and tourist attractions around the country. No other group of people, on the basis of their association with an employer, gets this privilege. Not one other group on this scale.

So when I see a military community member go off on yet another rant about being “denied” a military discount, I just shake my head. It reads as entitled to grouch about that sort of stuff. Can you see that, too?

Instead of putting on our grownup pants and just getting on with our day, discount or not, you’re grumbling about this “denial.” Oh, poor you, not getting another thing for free or cheaper.

Listen, you’re not entitled to get cheaper goods or upgraded services because of who pays you or who you married. Sure, it’s a great perk and one I fully admit to enjoying as just that – a pleasant and unexpected bonus, the cherry on top of a sundae.

I’m not due anything for free or cheaper. And neither are you.

Do you think that the expectation for military discounts has gotten out of control? Sound off in the comments!

General David Berger was confirmed at the new Commandant of the Marine Corps in July and he hasn’t wasted any time laying out his ideas for reshaping the Corps. Top on his list: making major changes to how Marines handle maternity leave.

Berger has called the USMC’s current maternity leave policy “inadequate,” citing it as “failing to keep up with societal norms.”

Currently, Marines are allowed 12 weeks of convalescent leave following the birth of a child for the primary caregiver, typically the mother. They do have the option of splitting their leave into 6 weeks increments, delayed as much as a year, or even transferring a portion of the 12 weeks to their active duty partner.

Retaining Marines Amid Modern Parenthood

Berger has committed to this maternity leave policy proposal, although it remains in the exploratory phase currently.

“We should never ask our Marines to choose between being the best parent possible and the best Marine possible,” Berger explains in a prepared statement. “Our parental / maternity leave policies are inadequate and have failed to keep pace with societal norms and modern talent management practices.”

Berger recognizes that Marines must often choose between their commitment to the Corps and their role as a parent. Ultimately, forcing this choice prevents them from adequately serving in either role.

“These outcomes should never be in competition to the extent that success with one will come at the expense of the other,” he states.

While the current year-long maternity leave remains a proposal under consideration for the time being, it also signals a seachange for the USMC’s policies about parenthood.

“We fully support the growth of our Marine families, and will do everything possible to provide parents with opportunities to remain with their newborns for extended periods of time,” Berger’s statement continues. “In the future, we will consider up to one-year leaves-of-absence for mothers to remain with their children before returning to full duty to complete their service obligations.”

Maternity Leave Changes in the USMC, DoD

The last time the USMC’s maternity leave policy was updated was in 2018, the same time the general DoD parental leave policy was changed.

Birthing mothers receive up to 6 weeks of convalescent leave under the current DoD policy. This can be combined with up to 6 weeks of parental leave for mothers who also serve as the primary caregiver.

Policies supporting flexibility were also added to the USMC’s plan. Mothers can transfer time to their active duty spouse or take maternity leave in chunks, delaying their leave by up to one year following birth.

Currently, leave for primary caregivers of adopted children and secondary caregivers is limited to a maximum of 21 days. Weekends are counted as leave days under this policy.

Previously, there was a brief period in 2016 when Navy and Marine moms-to-be were allotted up to 18 weeks of maternity leave.

Advances in Understanding for Parents

Studies in the last several years have pointed to the need for an extended recovery period for mothers. Dr. Julia Wray, of Suffolk, England, conducted a survey of new mothers at important milestones post-birth. She concluded that it can take up to a full year to recover from childbirth, with some issues lingering for years.

“The research shows that more realistic and woman-friendly postnatal services are needed, Dr. Wray explains. “Women feel that it takes much longer than six weeks to recover and they should be supported beyond the current six to eight weeks after birth.”

US Lags Behind Other Major Nations

That the USMC should propose such a drastic change in maternity leave policy signals a major seachange. Typically, the US offers zero paid weeks of maternity or paternity leave.

Under the Family and Medical Leave Act, employees in certain positions and companies are allowed up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave, with the guarantee of a position upon their return to work. Any paid maternity or paternity leave policies are up to the individual companies or agencies. Additional income support may be individually purchased to help cover maternity convalescent leave.

Currently, the US is the only major developed nation to provide no paid leave following childbirth. It is only one of 8 total nations to do so worldwide, according to NPR. All other nations provide at least some form of paid parental leave. Eighty-two provide less than 14 weeks, while over 100 provide between 14 weeks and more than 52 weeks of paid leave.

While 99 nations worldwide do not provide paid parental leave, 94 countries provide at least some leave. Forty-six countries allow less than 3 weeks of paid parental leave, 5 nations provide up to 13 weeks and 43 governments allocated more than 14 weeks of paid paternal leave.

Still Room for Parental Leave Improvements

While the USMC’s policy proposal is a major shift in thinking, there is still room for improvement.

Adding extra paternity leave is not included in this initial proposal or guidance statement. The inclusion of weekends and federal holidays as part of the current paternity leave policy is also not discussed.

Adoptive and foster parents are not expressly mentioned by Berger. Currently, they are covered under the paternal leave policy providing 6 weeks of leave for the addition of a new child.

What do you think about expanding maternity and/or paternity leave for military troops? Sound off in the comments!

Approximately 20,000 or more military families currently use SNAP or WIC to help feed their families. Now, President Donald Trump wants to further cut these programs in 2020. At the same time, Trump has also refused to support measures that would provide additional food security protections for military families.

Trump is proposing changes to how the income qualifying threshold is calculated, in addition to adding employment requirements. This could result in an estimated 3.1 million Americans losing access to SNAP, the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program.

Among those losing access: thousands of military families.

White House Nixes Support Proposal for Low-Income Military Families

According to a 2016 Government Accountability Office report, more than 23,000 active-duty troops used SNAP, once known as food stamps, in 2013.

Actually qualifying for assistance is complicated by the income requirements, which currently include BAH to determine household income. Military advocate Erika Tebbens understands this exact issue.

“When they told me I didn’t qualify because they were counting our housing allowance as part of our earned income, all I remember was just sobbing,” Tebbens recalls.

This issue isn’t uncommon, according to Josh Protas, vice president of public policy for MAZON: a Jewish Response to Hunger. For most federal assistance programs, a service member’s BAH isn’t treated as income. That changes for SNAP, which includes BAH in its calculations.

These calculations, along with Trump’s proposed SNAP changes, put SNAP access for troops at risk.

Trump Refuses To Support, Acknowledge Food Insecurity for Military Families

Tebbens along with other military food security advocates, like Protas, have pushed for a military clause addressing food insecurity. It’s currently included in the House version of the 2020 defense policy bill.

This proposal would provide an allowance for military families equal to 130% of the federal poverty guidelines minus the service member’s gross income. It doesn’t include allowances, like BAH, in the gross income calculations.

According to a recent Congressional Budget Office (CBO) estimate, approximately 10,000 military families qualify for a proposed measure to address food insecurity.

Over four years, from 2021 through 2024, this would cost a total of $175 million. The current proposal covers only 2020 at a cost of $15 million.

Trump disagrees that military troops should need SNAP benefits, or other food insecurity support, at all.

In a July 9 statement, the White House “strongly objected” to the proposal since troops “receive appropriate compensation already.”

“Most junior enlisted members receive pay that is between the 95th and 99th percentiles relative to their private-sector peers,” the Office of Management and Budget asserted in a statement regarding the proposed provision.

Do Troops Receive Adequate Compensation?

An E-4 service member and family living in San Diego, a major military hub with a historically high cost of living, brings in about $5,270 per month. Almost half of that amount is BAH.

An NBC News report noted that at San Diego-area food trucks, many of the dozens lining up to receive food were military spouses.

Currently, San Diego cost of living is approximately 144% of the US average, making this duty station more expensive than many others. Other major military installations, like the DC-region, Alaska and Hawaii, all rank at higher than the average cost of living.

Even school-aged children are experiencing widespread food insecurity. A DoD report noted that 6,500 students at DoDEA schools nationwide were eligible for free or reduced lunch. This number accounts for about 1/3 of all DoDEA students. It doesn’t account for military-connected children enrolled at local public schools.

Given these statistics and anecdotal reports, budgets are likely tight for junior enlisted and even commissioned troops with families.

“Younger enlisted service members with large households are disqualified from getting the help they need from SNAP when their BAH gets treated as income,” Protas explained.

Ongoing Food Insecurity Concerns for Military Families

This issue previously garnered the spotlight in 2017 amind the last government shutdown. Some troops were not paid or had delayed paychecks, leading to gaps in income.

These stretched and limited incomes caused many military families to use food banks and other food security support services in their areas.

“There’s nothing wrong with turning to a food pantry for emergency assistance in time of need, but there’s no reason those serving in our armed forces should have to do so on a regular basis,” Protas said.

With the Trump administration’s proposed changes to SNAP, more military families may soon be turning to food banks as a means of keeping food on the table.

“While I never expected to be flush with cash as a military spouse, I always assumed, perhaps naively, when my husband joined that we would always have our basic needs met,” Tebbens commented.

Do you think military troops should include BAH in gross income when applying for SNAP or other food insecurity supports? Sound off in the comments!

By Marguerite Cleveland

     Absolutely! Baggers work for tips only. As far as I can remember baggers have been a part of the commissary culture. For tons of military kids, this rite of passage has been their first job and for many retirees it is well needed additional income.

     It is a great job for kids to help teach them a good work ethic. My son spent a summer working as a commissary bagger. He quickly found when he hustled and didn’t take too many breaks his income increased proportionately and when he took Burger King breaks, his income decreased especially when he factored in the cost of French fries.

     For many retirees on a fixed income the bagging job provides additional income, exercise and a sense of camaraderie.  I had one older gentleman whose wife had passed away tell me, “I just needed a reason to get up in the morning.”

     Why don’t commissary baggers get paid by the commissary? The big reason is too keep expenses low. At civilian grocery stores, the baggers are paid employees. So no you don’t have to tip but you will typically pay more on your overall bill.

     Commissaries now offer lanes where you can bag your own groceries or you can use self-checkout if you don’t wish to pay a tip to a bagger.

     According to my son, $5 is considered a good tip. When tipping, consider being generous. Many of the baggers are good kids starting to save for college or a car. How nice to help them meet their goals. I usually tip $5 but if I have a super large load or maybe there is a very compelling story I will double that. So should you tip your commissary bagger? I say yes and generously.

Marguerite Cleveland is a freelance writer who specializes in human interest and travel stories. She is a military brat, a veteran and now a military spouse.  Her military experience is vast as the daughter of a Navy man who served as an enlisted sailor and then Naval Officer. She served as an enlisted soldier in the reserves and on active duty, then as an Army Officer. She currently serves as a military spouse. She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and two sons. Visit her website www.PeggyWhereShouldIGo.com

Since early 2019, all the chatter has been about the horrors of privatized military housing. The mold, the falling down homes and the resulting illnesses or injuries to troops and their families.

After the Congressional hearing and promises of new “resident bill of rights” in the works, it seems that some of the focus has shifted.

What’s Happening with the Military Housing Bill of Rights

There’s been a lot of action and many promises made over the last six months.

Tenants Bill of Rights

In March, DoD officials and lawmakers promised that on-base residents would be involved in the creation of a “resident bill of rights.” This new document is meant to provide a layer of protection for tenants in privatized housing.

As of June 11, Assistant Secretary of Defense for Sustainment Robert McMahon stated that he intended to deliver an initial draft to residents by June 14 at the latest. On-base residents should have received an online survey from CEL and Associates via email. One survey per household will be provided.

As of publication, all on-base households should have received their surveys. If you have not yet received yours or are having issues with it, please call the toll-free helpline at (800)-482-6431, or contact CEL & Associates, Inc. via email at BillofRightsFeedback@celassociates.com

On-Base Residents Get More Housing Rights

The new bill of rights is intended to hold privatized housing management companies more accountable. Residents across services and around the US have been aware of issues relating to poor management and maintenance for many years. Everything came to a head at February 2019’s Congressional hearings, when military spouses detailed the impact and seriousness of their concerns.

As a result of this testimony and firsthand visits to crumbling military housing, Congress and DoD leadership proposed the collaborative bill of rights in order to hold housing management companies accountable.

Tentative inclusions for the proposed bill of rights includes:

• right to withhold rent through a neutral party until concerns are addressed
• housing advocates on military installations
• right to a healthy home and community
• effective communication tools between the landlord (management company representatives), maintenance staff and tenants
• a process to handle disputes, mediation and arbitration
• protection from reprisals should tenants involve their chain of command or other military housing staff
• property maintenance that meets or exceeds industry standards, performed by a professional

“We’re moving forward in a way that will quickly enhance the experience our military members are having on installations in family housing, and we’re doing it in a way they know there are people who care. If they have an issue we’re going to be responsive and they’re going to have a voice,” McMahon said June 11 at a meeting with more than 500 representatives from military communities.

What Housing Companies are Already Doing

Military housing companies are already starting to make changes. While most management companies do not make connections between this new programs and initiatives, changes have been made following the Congressional hearings and increased scrutiny by political and DoD leaders.

• Balfour-Beatty: On May 14, Balfour-Beatty announced an upgraded resident portal to improve communication and request maintenance services. Residents can access this portal via a website or app.
• Lincoln Military Housing: On May 30, Lincoln unveiled their new app for residents. This will enable residents to request and track maintenance requests from anywhere in the world, 24/7.
• Corvias: As of April 13, Corvias had provided additional customer service and support training to employees across all 13 of their military housing communities.
• Winn: As of June 25, Winn had not announced any new customer service or support initiatives for their military communities.
• Hunt: As of June 25, Hunt has not announced any new customer service or support initiatives. However, they do already offer a 24/7 online service and maintenance portal for residents to submit requests.

Help On the Way for OCONUS, Barracks Housing

While McMahon acknowledged at the June 11 meeting that the DoD’s focus is on the privatized housing communities, they are also aware of issues concerning housing for single troops in barracks and families living overseas.

“We can’t forget about those living overseas in government housing, those living in dormitories and barracks… housing for single members, and we certainly can’t forget about those living in communities. They have rights and responsibilities as well. We have to take a broader perspective than where we are right now,” he said.

Right now, the DoD and housing management companies will be working to create and implement the tenant bill of rights stateside. Following the survey received by on-base households in June, there should be a review process before proceeding to finalizing the complete document.

As military communities roll out and implement the bill of rights in the US, the DoD will be pivoting to assist military troops living in the barracks and families living on base OCONUS.

“We’re going to do it sequentially,” he explained. “We’re focused right now on those that living in privatized housing on installations.”

What’s been your experience living in privatized housing? Tell us your story, location(s) and housing company.

Shell shock. Battle fatigue. Stress syndrome. Combat stress reaction. Traumatic war neurosis. Some of these historic terms date back over 100 years.

Yes, the military community has long been aware of the toll of the battle over the decades. Today, we recognize that mental health is a serious and growing issue among our nation’s veterans and troops.

Many troops and veterans suffer in silence, treating themselves the best they can with the resources at hand. Others seek care and treatment from the overloaded VA system. In recent years, the Veterans Administration has seen widespread issues with corruption and multiple top-down leadership shake-ups.

But it still seems like the system is overworked, leaving veterans in need without competent, professional help. Just in April, there were four veteran suicides at or actually inside of VA facilities.

This has led to grassroots movements to bring military-related mental health struggles into the light.

Find Help for Military-Related PTSD When the VA Isn’t Cutting It

If you or a loved one is struggling with military-related mental health, please don’t hesitate to contact someone for help.

Treatments for PTSD

• Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT): a specific type of therapy that helps individuals work through sources of trauma, as well as beliefs and memories of the trauma, create stress and influence how they interact with the world. There are several types of CBT that address different traumas and ways of reframing thinking.
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): another type of counseling that combines talk therapy with specific eye movements.
• Group Therapy: veterans gather together in organized groups to discuss and process trauma, sharing stories and solutions together. Groups are sometimes organized by a therapist, non-profit group or are organically created.
• Family & Couples Therapy: mental health impacts an entire family. Bringing a spouse or children into therapy together can help everyone process and heal together.
• Medications: sometimes, in combination with other treatments, SSRI class drugs are used to assist in treatment. Your medical team can provide assistance in selecting and continuing medications.
• Yoga: provides physical exertion combined with mindfulness and meditation in a guided, structured environment.
• Acupuncture: a longtime part of traditional Chinese and eastern medical practices, it has seen promising early results in treating PTSD but requires larger studies to scientifically prove efficacy.
• Herbal & Dietary Supplements: a variety of supplements can be used, under the supervision of your medical team, to help with PTSD symptoms and treatment outcomes.

It’s important to never begin additional medical treatment or over the counter supplements without first consulting with your primary care doctor due to possible adverse reactions and interactions.

Places to Seek Help for PTSD

There are many places where veterans, troops and their families can seek support and healing. These have been recommended by real-life military families!

• Boulder Crest Retreat for Military & Veteran Wellness: a rural healing retreat experience for veterans and their families, offering healing and support in two peaceful locations in VA and AZ.
• The Weekly Fight: a Malvern, PA-based fitness community that offers CrossFit-style workouts as well as additional seminars and growth opportunities.
• The Walking Point: a virtual information sharing space and community dedicated to seeking/using alternative PTSD and TBI treatments for military veterans and troops.
• Freedom Hunters: a non-profit offering outdoor retreats for returning troops, veterans and military families – including Gold Star families. These hunting and fishing retreats provide time away to reconnect with themselves and with family.
• Post-Traumatic Winning from All Marine Radio: a digital collection of podcasts, videos and other linked resources featuring stories from real military families.
• Project Healing Waters: a NC-based fly fishing experience for military veterans and active duty troops that promotes wellness and healing.
• Mission 22: a non-profit that provides visibility and opportunities for the larger community to support veterans, as well as programs and resources for veterans seeking treatment due to various military-related conditions.
• Hope for the Warriors: provides support and training to help troops and families cope with the longterm impact of military combat service.
• Save a Warrior: a military and first responder-led initiative that provides coping solutions and resources through peer mentorship at week-long retreats.
• National Center for Equine Facilitated Therapy (NCEFT): an equine (horse) therapy center with various veteran and military-specific programs to cope with a range of injuries and impact of service.
• MilitaryOneSource: a clearinghouse for all things military, with options for free confidential immediate counseling services as well as longer-term in-person options.
• DStress: an MCCS-funded free, confidential helpline for Marines, veterans and their families as a result of military service.
• Military Family Life Counselors (MFLC): free, confidential in-person counseling with a licensed therapist, counselor or social worker trained in military-specific concerns.

These are just a snapshot, just a few of the many incredible resources, programs and organizations out there supporting military veterans on their healing journey. Each program listed has specific requirements regarding eligibility, program applications and location specifics.

MilitaryShoppers has no affiliation or connection with the listed resources; we have received zero compensation, monetary or otherwise, to share these organizations and resources.

The most important thing is to seek help as soon as possible. Mental health struggles tend to get worse when left untreated, or when cared for with drugs and alcohol.

Have you or a loved one struggled with PTSD or mental health related to military service? Share your favorite resources, programs and organizations with the community!

April is spring cleaning season – and it’s also a great time to do a complete review and reset of your routines, making switches to be more earth-friendly. Luckily, it’s pretty easy for your busy military family to start new eco-friendly habits that fit a busy, modern life.

Easy Ways for Your MilFam to Be More Earth-Friendly!

Making changes to your habits and routines is hard. I get it: I’m a busy mom with two little kids. So keeping things easy and fast is the name of my game. You’ve got to give me a pretty compelling reason to cause me to change my ways.

And being better to our planet is about as compelling as it gets! By making these smart swaps, you’ll be conserving resources like energy and materials. In addition, you’ll be reducing your trash production and maybe even decreasing your spending!

Pack Food Smarter

What do you reach for when you’re packing lunches or leftovers? If you’re like me, you’re grabbing plastic wrap or plastic bags. With four lunches to pack every day plus some leftovers from dinner each night, all that plastic adds up fast!

Plastic bags can take up to 1000 years to decompose! Suddenly, the daily use of all those little baggies didn’t make quite as much sense anymore. Instead, we stocked up on reusable food containers, wraps and food bags. You could try:

• beeswax coated fabric food wraps
• bento boxes
• silicone sandwich, freezer and snack bags
• glass food storage containers
• biodegradable food storage containers

Using these earth-friendly options, after your initial expense, will save you money over time. You’ll be using your eco-friendly food storage options again and again instead of spending money every week on plastic products. Plus, using reusable containers is so much better for the earth!

Go Greener at the Grocery Store

You know what’s easy? Using the plastic bags available at every checkout in the grocery store. But all that plastic adds up. Remember, plastic takes literally forever to breakdown.

Instead, stick a stash of cloth grocery bags or totes in your car. Whenever you go grocery shopping, grab a few bags and use these to pack your food. This had become second nature to me, especially after living overseas for three years. Most Japanese stores charge a few yen per plastic bag to encourage reusable bags. Many US stores and even some states are following this trend.

If you’re worried about forgetting your cloth bags, run them back out to your car immediately after you unpack. You can also grab some compactable bags – ones that roll up really tiny – and just stick a few into your purse.

Stop Food Waste with Smart Shopping & Cooking

My heart breaks a little bit whenever I see food start to turn in the fridge or on the counter. I can almost see the money flying out the window!

I’ve managed to stop wasting food (mostly) by meal planning every single week. I try not to stray from my list either. Limiting my grocery shopping to what’s on the menu helps to end food waste. Every item in my cart has a purpose, a meal that is planned.

If you’ve got leftovers or produce that needs to be eaten, it’s time to get cooking! To make your food last longer, try these hacks:

• slice and freeze fresh fruit, like grapes, bananas and pineapples
• lightly cook fresh veggies, like corn, then freeze to use later
• slice fresh veggies, like bell peppers, and freeze to use later
• save fresh chopped herbs by mixing them with a little olive oil and freezing them in an ice cube tray
• use up cooked meats, like chicken or pork, by making a quiche
• make banana bread to use up squishy bananas; add in other fresh fruit that’s about to turn, too

Finding ways to save or use your “extra” food helps to cut waste and save money.

Recycle Everything Possible

Even if you’re skipping plastic products and cutting food waste, you might still be creating more trash than needed. A lot of things you’re tossing in the garbage might actually be recyclable!

To recycle food containers, first give them a quick rinse. Check your local recycling laws for more specific regulations. After removing food residue, you can probably recycle:

• yogurt or butter tubs
• pasta sauce and pickle jars
• cans of all kinds
• glass and plastic bottles
• plastic clamshells from salad greens

You can also recycle cardboard, including paper towel rolls, and papers, like magazines and even old homework assignments.

Have kids that like to craft? Me, too! Reuse some of your plastic, metal, glass and paper products in your child’s activities. Try these ideas:

• use big cardboard boxes for pretend play, decorating with paint, stickers or crayons
• reuse printed pages, drawing on the blank side
• use paper towel or toilet paper tubes to build castles or play “I Spy”
• build a tin can phone using cans and a bit of yarn

Once you’re done crafting, pop the items back into the recycling bins!

Following these simple tips and making easy swaps can totally cut your carbon footprint while also reducing spending.

Is your family trying to be more eco-friendly? Share your best tips with us!

Every time I go anywhere on base, there it is, staring me in the face. The dress code. I check it out, every single time. At the commissary, the PX, the on-base post office, the shoppette (or Class Six for non-USMC folks).

And I smirk/cringe a little bit every time.

It’s Time for an On-Base Dress Code Update

Let’s be honest, the on-base dress code is a smidge, well, old fashioned and out of date. You know that “no workout clothes” rule? Yeah, I break that on the daily with my black leggings. Sorry, not sorry. As a busy mom of two with things to do, I am aiming for comfort all of the time. And my black leggings are super comfy.

Yet, I still 100% get why we need a dress code. I definitely understand the ban on shorty-shorts and midriff-baring tops. Ditto for sports bras worn as tops.

Let’s Talk About Spandex

Gym attire used to be just for the gym. Put it on, get sweaty and then shower up.

Today? Almost everything I own is a spandex blend of some sort or other. Leggings, jeans, tops. Yeah, it’s all stretchy.

Take a look around today. Go to any military base and visit the commissary or the PX. I’m willing to bet that more than 50% of female patrons will be wearing pants or tops that might be considered “gym” wear. Why? Because they are tight, stretchy, spandex-based athleisure.

And everyone is wearing them, every where.

If the on-base retailers want to spend their time kicking folks out over athleisure-style leggings, that’s totally their prerogative. I get it, I’m technically breaking the rules by wearing leggings. But I’m definitely not going to stop wearing leggings just to shop on base. I’ll go elsewhere.

Flipping Out Over Flops

Know what else technically isn’t “allowed” at on-base retailers? Flip flops. Which I, and almost everyone I know, wears almost exclusively all summer long. For those of us located in year-round warm climates, like SoCal or Hawaii, sandals are a way of life.

I know that patrons have been kicked out of the commissary or the Exchange just for wearing flip flops. It’s definitely more likely at East Coast duty stations, particularly hubs like Quantico.

Let’s be clear: flip flops are not shower shoes. Not even close.

Shower shoes are typically cheap rubber or plastic things, really thin. They break easily, too. You can pick up a pair for under $5 at Old Navy, Target or Walmart.

Now flip flops are more sturdy, with thicker fabric or leather straps. My personal flip flops have embroidery on the strap part. And I’ve had them for about three years or more because they last. These aren’t some throwaway footwear. These are quality. And I would never wear them to shower. Ever.

Over the Top On Tanks

Now, this is kind of a grey area – tank tops. I have some sleeveless tops that are definitely work-appropriate. But, technically, I can’t wear them to shop on-base. Why? Because they are sleeveless “tank tops.”

I get that the dress code really means tanks that were meant to be worn as underwear, like camisoles or sleeveless undershirts for men. But the language is so vague that anything without sleeves or with thinner shoulder straps is included.

My silk sleeveless top? It’s a tank top.

The language of this one needs to be revisited: tank tops covers everything without sleeves that can be worn as a shirt. And that leaves a lot of wiggle room for interpretation.

Revise the On-Base Dress Code

Sure, the posters might be laminated and feature models from the late 1990s or early 2000s, but we all know that these dress code rules are way older.

The language just doesn’t match how modern military families live. Plus, the rules are not applied universally. It seems like every single base has their own little quirks and rules, some things that are more tightly enforced than others.

It’s time for our on-base civilian dress code to catch up to the 21st century, a time of leggings and flip flops. Where tank tops in warm weather is typical for men and women.

I understand the need to discourage folks from going straight from the gym to the commissary or PX. It’s smelly and sweaty! But keeping athleisure-type spandex as a “banned” items? Please, that’s ridiculous.

I get the desire to maintain modesty. After all, the military does maintain high standards! Discouraging short shorts and peek-a-boo undergarments is absolutely understood, and much appreciated.

Personally, I like to shop on base. Prices are reasonable for many items and it’s tax-free. Plus, for many years, it’s been convenient for my family, an easy way to save a little on our food bills. I also don’t reveal a lot of skin or really skate too far outside the lines – other than my leggings, flip flops and occassional tank top.

Bottom line: it’s time to check the dress code rules against accepted civilian attire worn by a majority of military spouses and off-duty troops. It’s out of date and restricts the ability of patrons to shop on-base (when enforced).

Do you think that the on-base dress code needs an update for the modern era? Comment below with your thoughts!

Slider image Photo Credit: © Yury Zap/Adobe Stock

PCSing is on everyone’s mind right now. Between safety hazards in on base housing and the fear of losing literally everything during the PCS process, military families are on edge right now.

It seems like military powers that be are prepared to make big changes to the PCS system. But before they do that, I thought I would offer some helpful tips to improve the current PCS system.

Helpful Tips to Improve the Current PCS Process from a MilSpouse

Right now, the big idea on the table is privatizing the PCS system. Basically, one person oversees the process and contracts it out. This would be instead of the current system with multiple steps in the contracting process.

There are some issues with privatizing though.

First, you just have to look at the recent Congressional hearing about privatized base housing to see just how hazardous outsourcing can be for customers. Second, none of this would happen for several years, with the earliest proposed changes coming in 2021.

However, there are some simple steps that we can take to help protect military moves right now.

Vet Moving Companies Properly

Year after year there are issues with who is showing up to actually pack boxes and load trucks. I get it. This is not a glamorous job and is really hard work.

But a quick background check would be great. Some ID before getting hired would be nice, too.

There have been lots of anecdotal stories passed around over the years about less than savory characters being placed in charge of packing the worldly possessions of military families.

Having some measures in place to prevent spur of the moment “hires” for packing personnel would be great. Maybe a list of approved employees that needs to be presented to the gate guard for on base homes would be nice, or a similar ID check method for all military families.

Really, I just want to know the people packing all my stuff into boxes. I want to make sure they’re legit and vetted before I hand over everything I own.

Tracking Protections En Route

Sometimes, it’s not the actual packers that cause worry. Instead, it’s the days or weeks that our household goods are in transit.

Whole shipping containers are lost, trucks wrecked in accidents, and individual items go missing. Clearly, if the entire military spouse community is talking about this, these incidents are not isolated or unusual.

It would be nice to have basic tracking measures put in place to make sure that HHG are being moved in a timely and secure measure. One idea is QR codes or bar codes that can be scanned to update progress.

Increased security measures would also be nice. I recognize that a lot of things are out of my control, especially when my things are on a moving truck and I’m not. But having additional locks, alarms, or other protections doesn’t seem like too much to ask.

Get On Message

Could all the military TMO/DMO/whatever you’re calling it now shops please coordinate your messaging? That’d be great, thanks.

It’s incredibly annoying when families are getting different advice about the “rules” based on where they live or which person they talk to on a given day. One day, you could be cleared for certain things and the next it’s all taken away.

This issue is especially frustrating for moves to or from OCONUS locations. Between coordinating flights and pets and shipments, it’s enough. To add in all the contradictory and flat out wrong information is too much.

Figure out your party line, share it to every single military moving office, and stay on message.

Actual 24/7 Support

Our moving company didn’t show up until 9pm one year. They were slated to arrive at noon. Guess who we couldn’t get in contact with? Oh, the representatives from the actual moving company and the military-side coordinator.

Perfect.

Not having a resource to contact when things go badly is great.

Of course, there are definitely moving companies and military coordinators who go above and beyond. But that’s not standard or uniform.

Proper Packing Training

If anyone wants to learn how to pack stuff the right way, please come to Japan. My grocery bags are efficiently arranged to minimize breakage and spread out the weight.

If the baggers at the grocery store take this level of care, I can only imagine what my actual moving experience will be. I’m prepped for extra layers of wrapping and many boxes of beautifully sorted items.

My big pet peeve is when random things get thrown together. Like knives in with my framed paintings and canvas-based art. Or a wrapped bag of flour. Maybe a fully potted plant, soil included, nestled gently in my white linens.

A quick run down on proper, common sense packing tactics would be ideal.

Simple Claims Process

We’ve been pretty lucky (knock on wood). Over the last decade or so, our damages have been minimal and incidental. A cracked Foreman grill here, and shattered (antique from my Nana) tea cup there. Nothing has been so major that we’ve needed to file a claim.

But I’m waiting for it to happen. I’m prepared for months of battles and storing otherwise worthless items just for the inspection. We’ve got piles of receipts for high-cost items, like our TVs ready to deploy.

It shouldn’t be this way. I shouldn’t need to live with a molding and damaged beyond repair sofa for months while the claim is processed. It’s taking up valuable living space in a probably cramped home.

There’s got to be an easier way to ensure that damaged items are replaced or compensation is paid in a timely manner.

What are your suggestions for easy-to-do fixes for the PCS process? We’d love to get your input!

Photo credit:
© dmitrimaruta/Adobe Stock