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10 Ways to Avoid the Flu This Winter

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Being sick is no fun at all, whether it’s a mild cold or the flu. It wasn’t until I was pregnant that I got the flu for the first time, and hopefully the last. Now that I know how awful it is, I never want to get it again.

10 Ways to Avoid Colds and the Flu This Winter

Did you get the flu vaccine this year?

Follow these 10 tips to avoid getting a cold or the flu this winter and let’s all stay healthy this year.

Stay Away from Sick People

The flu virus is spread through droplets made when someone with the flu coughs, sneezes or talks. The flu virus can also spread when people touch something that the flu virus is on and then touch their mouth, eyes or nose.

You may want to keep your distance from sick people for a few days. People that have the flu are contagious as early as one day before they exhibit symptoms and can continue to pass the flu virus along for up to 5 to 7 days after they’ve become sick. Children, severely ill people and those with weakened immune systems can actually infect others for longer periods.

Stay Home if You Are Sick

The flu is an infection of the nose, throat and lungs caused by the influenza virus. It causes countless hospital stays and deaths each year. The CDC recommends that if you do become sick to stay home an extra 24 hours after your fever has passed. The flu can be very dangerous for children and those with weak immune systems. Almost 20,000 children under age 5 are hospitalized from complications due to the flu, such as pneumonia.

Don’t let your stubbornness about staying home get someone else sick.

Wash Your Hands Often

Do you know how to properly wash your hands? Sounds like a silly question, but you’d be surprised how many people aren’t washing correctly. Cleaning your hands is one of the easiest and most effective ways to prevent the spread of germs. You should wash your hands before, during and after you handle food. You should also wash them when you’ve been around someone who is ill. After you use the bathroom, helped a child use the bathroom or changed a diaper, you should always wash your hands. When you blow your nose, cough or sneeze you should also wash your hands.

To properly wash your hands simply run them under water and lather with soap. Make sure to get in between your fingers, under your nails and on the back of your hands. Do this for 20 seconds.

A fun way to get children to wash their hands for 20 seconds is to have them sing the happy birthday song twice.

Then rinse your hands with water and dry them. Turn off the faucet with a paper towel. If you aren’t able to wash your hands, then you can use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer that has at least 60% alcohol.

Don’t Touch Your Eyes, Nose or Mouth

Do you have a nail-biting habit? Do you rub your eyes when you’re tired or put your finger to your mouth when you’re thinking? These seem like small things, but if you’ve touched something with the flu virus, you will regret it. You might not even notice that you do it, but it is an easy way for the flu virus to reach you.

Does your little one like to pick his nose? Now is a good time to have a talk about why you shouldn’t put your finger up there. Try to keep your hands away from these areas and you might avoid the flu this season.

Clean and Disinfect Commonly Touched Areas

The flu virus doesn’t last long on surfaces, less than 24 hours experts say. You can clean them with a mild soap. You don’t need to bleach everything. The medical community largely agrees that the flu virus is transferred mainly from human to human contact and not so much from surface contact.

It’s still a good idea to make sure commonly touched areas are cleaned often. Door knobs, telephones, elevator buttons, keyboards, remote controls, refrigerator doors and toilets are all commonly touched areas that should be cleaned regularly.

Get Plenty of Sleep

Sleep deprivation has an adverse effect on immune function and chronic sleep loss can increase an individual’s vulnerability to infectious diseases according to the National Sleep Foundation. Most people don’t get the recommended amount of sleep. There are 9 age categories sited. School age children, age 6 to 13 years, should get 9 to 11 hours of sleep a day while teenagers, age 14 to 17, should get 8 to 10 hours. Adults should get 7 to 9 hours of sleep. Are you and your children getting enough sleep?

Keep Your Fluids Up

Keeping hydrated is very important. The recommendation is 8 glasses of water a day. This will keep the lining of your nose moist. The first line of defense against germs is the mucous membrane in the nose. This traps germs and keeps them from getting to your lungs. If you are dehydrated it will dry out. Doctors recommend spacing the 8 glasses of water out evenly throughout your day. Coffee and tea don’t count because the caffeine content is dehydrating.

Manage Stress

Stress directly influences your immune system. Have you noticed when you’re stressed that you’re more likely catch a cold? Stress weakens your immune system which makes it harder for your body to fight off infection. Make it a point in your life to let go of as much stress as you can so you can enjoy a healthy life.

Keep Active

Exercise increases your circulation and blood flow giving your immune system a chance to find a virus such as the flu before it spreads. Make sure to add regular exercise to your routine for better health.

Get the Flu Vaccine

This is a topic for debate. Doctors recommend anyone over the age of 6 months get a flu vaccine. Many people have personal beliefs about its safety, which is why I listed it last. Make your own decision.

 What are your tips for avoiding a winter cold or the flu this year?

How to File an Appeal or Grievance with Tricare

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There are options for your family to reach out to Tricare if you have any issues with medical care received or are hit with an unexpected bill.

How to File an Appeal or Grievance with Tricare

Tricare has 4 types of appeals.

Health emergencies can happen at any moment. Typically, things go way too fast for our thought process and there isn’t the luxury to think things through like, “wait, will this decision eventually bite me back with a huge medical bill?” We go to the doctor without question, so ourselves or our loved ones can get treated.

What do we do when that happens?

Your family can file an appeal with Tricare.

How to file an appeal

In Tricare’s words, an appeal is “the action you take if you don’t agree with a decision made about your benefit.” Because it’s particular to decisions, there are separate appeals you can file. Tricare offers 4 different types of appeals: factual, medical necessity, pharmacy and Medicare-Tricare.

Factual appeal: when payment gets denied or stopped for services or supplies that have either been received or authorized already.

Medical necessity appeal: when Tricare denies previous authorization because they assessed that it isn’t medically necessary anymore. The website outlines:

to be medically necessary means it is appropriate, reasonable, and adequate for your condition.

Pharmacy appeal: when your pharmacy prescriptions gets denied when you deem it necessary

Medicare-Tricare appeal: when you qualify for both, you may need to file with Medicare separately with their terms.

With the exception of the Medicare-Tricare appeal, the others require a written letter within 90 days of the decision. Along with that letter, add all your supporting documents that you have and the decision letter itself. For a pharmacy claim, you need to be specific on why you disagree.

The letter needs to be mailed to your contractor’s address (depending on where you are located). Tricare outlines the addresses in this link. You can also take your case a step further by requesting a formal review, reconsideration of decision or an independent hearing, depending on your type of appeal. That’s why I also encourage you to read more about each separate claim on Tricare’s website. That way you can assess your situation better: factual, medical necessity, pharmacy, and Medicare-TRICARE.

There are ways to continue the process when a decision doesn’t come back in your favor.

How to file a grievance

Also, we expect our medical practitioners to be diligent and appropriate when they work. When you are disappointed with your care, there are steps you can take to file a grievance with Tricare, so that your voice is heard.

Similarly to filing an appeal, you must write down your complaint and send it to your Tricare contractor’s address. The letter should outline the description of the event in question (date, time, name of practitioner, location, etc.). I suggest you be as detailed as possible and don’t forget to include any supporting documents.

Also, if you have any issues with dental care with your Tricare Dental plan, that is included too. It’s not limited to situations within medical care facilities.

In addition to your letter, share your sponsor’s Social Security number and all your information as well (name, address, phone number, date of birth, and sign it!). Tricare has a special website for grievances and I urge you to read it here.

If you’re filing an appeal or grievance for a dependent, include all the dependent’s information including your own. It’s good to share more during an appeal or grievance process that way they have the most comprehensive information. The whole family is covered, whether it’s the service member sponsor, spouse and children.

Have you filed an appeal or grievance with Tricare? What was your experience with the process?

29 Ways to Tell Your Spouse You Love Them

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Love is in the air and Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.

29 Simple Ways to Tell Your Spouse You Love Them

What are your tips and tricks for keeping love alive in your military marriage?

As a military couple you know how special your time is together. You want to tell your spouse how much you love them.

Here are 29 simple ways to do so.

  1. Leave them a love note. Leave love notes around the house for them to find. Put some in their suitcase if they are about to go somewhere. They can find them and read them later on.
  2. Make their favorite meal. Everyone loves to eat a good meal. Cook up their favorite without telling them. They will love to see that you thought about them enough to plan their favorite meal.
  3. Send them an email. If your spouse is gone, show them love by sending them a quick email. Tell them what you love the most about them.
  4. Send them a text. Text messaging is also a great way to share how you feel.
  5. Write them a love letter. If you have more time, write them a love letter. Make the letter at least 3 pages and then either send it to them in the mail or leave the letter out for them to read when they are home.
  6. Do the dishes. Sometimes doing a chore your spouse normally does themselves can help show them love. This takes the stress off and they will be very happy you took the time to lessen their load.
  7. Tell them. Sometimes just stopping them in the hallway and saying, “I love you” can mean a lot. Especially if you both have been really busy lately.
  8. Buy them something cute. Does your spouse have her eye on some cute earrings? What about some new pens? Surprise your spouse with a small gift.
  9. Clean their car.This is a great way to show someone you care. Wash their car for them so the next time they go to drive somewhere the car feels nice and clean.
  10. Buy them a book. Does your spouse like to read? Buy them a new book. They will love that.
  11. Give them a framed photo. These always make the best gifts, especially if they are deployed or away from home.
  12. Pack a care package. If your spouse is deployed, send them a love-themed care package filled with goodies.
  13. Write “I love you” in the snow. If there is snow, write how much you love them in the snow, take a photo and send the picture to them if they are not at home right now.
  14. Take care of the children for the night. If your spouse is normally the one to handle bedtime, offer to take over. Having a break from the kids works wonders.
  15. Flowers. Always a good way to let someone know you love them.
  16. Chocolate. Who doesn’t like chocolate?
  17. Have lunch together. Plan to meet up with them during the workday. Have a nice lunch date. Lunchtime is a great way to spend some time together.
  18. Draw a picture. This can be a fun gift. Draw a picture of your life together.
  19. Do their laundry. Take this chore off of their plate. Do their laundry for them, fold it and put the clothes away.
  20. Give them a hug. Very simple but does the trick.
  21. Give them kisses. Random kisses are a great way to show love.
  22. Be there. Just be around, be open to talk, be there for them.
  23. Tell them what you love about them. Sometimes we get so busy with life. Spend some time telling your spouse what you love about them.
  24. Watch a movie together. Pick something out after the kids go to bed. If they are deployed make plans to watch the movie and talk about what you thought about it afterwards.
  25. Watch their favorite TV show with them. Sometimes showing love is sitting down and watching a television show we might not enjoy that our spouse does.
  26. Send photos. If they are deployed, send them photos on a regular basis.
  27. Send a homemade gift. Make something for your spouse. They will love the item knowing your hands made something for them.
  28. Find songs that remind you of them. We don’t make mixed tapes anymore but we can always send a playlist of songs that remind us of them.
  29. Plan a vacation. Pick a place you have both wanted to go and plan a trip. This is a great way to show love to each other.

Even the simplest of actions can go a long way when celebrating how much you love someone. Whether they are home or in a faraway place. Take the time to tell your spouse how much you love and care for them.

What are your tips and tricks for keeping love alive in your military marriage?

 

Your New Duty Station Checklist

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Welcome to your new duty station. How many PCS moves does this make for your family? I’m in my 17th house now, so I’ve done my share of checking into new duty stations. If this is your first move or 20th, make sure you fully get to know your new military installation.

Once your boxes are unpacked, follow this checklist to get familiar with your new surroundings.

Your New Duty Station Checklist for Every PCS

After you unpack your last box after a PCS, what’s the next thing you do?

1. Talk to Your Sponsor

Each time you PCS, the service member is given a sponsor. This is a fellow service member that is already stationed at that location who is familiar with the area. Their job is to help make your PCS an easy one by helping you get settled in and get to know the area. Take advantage of this help and make contact with that person.

2. Find the Commissary

I love the commissary. You’ll spend a lot of time here so go ahead and find out where it is and what the hours of operation are.

Some commissaries are closed on Sundays and Mondays while others are open every day.

Make sure you plan your shopping trip accordingly. Stop by the commissary for a few minutes on a day you don’t need to do your big weekly shopping just to see what the selection is. Some commissaries are quite small and only offer a few things while others have a vast selection.

3. Find the ITT Office

The ITT office is a great resource. Each one offers different services which could include: travel and vacation packages, travel insurance, car rentals, flights, tours, concerts, national events and local tickets. Universal Studios, SeaWorld, DisneyLand and Walt Disney World packages are really popular. You can save a lot of money by purchasing tickets through the ITT office.

After a PCS, you might want to plan some family fun. Contact your ITT office to see what’s going on in your area.

4. Locate the MWR

The Family Morale, Welfare and Recreation Program offers an abundance of activities for families. After a busy PCS, you’re going to want to get out and have fun.

The U.S. Army MWR has 223 fitness centers, 192 child development centers, 137 swimming pools, 86 outdoor recreation centers, 79 bowling and family fun centers, 78 Army community service centers, 76 libraries, 66 auto skills centers, 48 golf courses, 54 arts & crafts centers and 12 riding stables.

There is surely something fun for your family to do to relax and get to know your new duty station.

5. Check Out the Base’s Fitness Center

Why pay a monthly fee to work out at the gym in town when you can go to the fitness center for free? Many locations have a mother and child area where you can work out and keep an eye on your little one.

If you’re self-conscious about working out in front of others or are intimidated by large crowds, go after 9 a.m. when most service members will be back to work and the gym will be quieter.

Don’t put it off. Dig to the bottom of that last PCS box and find your workout clothes.

6. Contact the CDC or Base School

Do you have children and need child care or to enroll them in school? Contact the Child Development Center to see if they have openings. If there is a wait list, it doesn’t actually go first-come first-served. There is a priority level index. You can get on the list however and enroll your child in another program in the meantime.

Contact the base school before you PCS, if you can, to find out what records you need to bring to register your children in the school.

7. Join a Spouse Group

There’s no better way to get to know a new installation and feel at home, than to make friends. No matter how many times you PCS, you will still want to get know other military spouses who know the area.

Having good friends can really make a difference in your experience living in a new place.

Contact your command ombudsman or spouse liaison. Join the enlisted or officer’s spouse club. Get online and look for base groups. Try Facebook or Meetup.com for example.

Each PCS is different. It can be a lonely road if you sit at home alone. Get out and get to know your new installation. Make friends and get involved. This could be your favorite duty station. It’s up to you to take advantage of all it offers.

After you unpack your last box after a PCS, what’s the next thing you do? What’s on your new duty station checklist?

5 Ways to Make Meal Planning More Fun, Less Overwhelming

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If you aren’t already meal planning, the thought alone can be daunting and overwhelming. It takes time and forethought to plan an entire week or even month worth of meals.

Give it a try and you’ll discover that meal planning can actually be fun and satisfying.

First however, understand what meal planning is. By planning ahead and choosing meals, you will be setting yourself and your family up to a healthy lifestyle. Many people mistakenly think meal planning is about following a diet. It is however, simply choosing which meals your family will eat ahead of time.

By having a set plan, you will be less likely to settle for junk food or fast food.

You will have the ingredients on hand and not have to rush to the commissary at the last minute. You’ll have the peace of mind that dinner is set and you won’t be stressing over what you’ll make last minute.

Start meal planning by setting a specific time to write out a week’s worth of meals.

On Sunday mornings, I flip through cookbooks and magazines as well as search recipes in my recipe apps on my phone. Once you’ve found a few recipes you want to try, look through your pantry to see if you already have some of the ingredients. Make a list of what you need to buy at the grocery store and set a time to go shopping.

When choosing meals make sure to look at your calendar to see how busy your week is. There may be some nights that you need quick meals and some when family members will be eating at different times so you will need a re-heatable dinner. Decide on a night where you have plenty of time to make a big family meal. Take into consideration the weather as well. If it’s going to be particularly cold, you may want soup one night. The same goes for balmy nights when your family may enjoy grilling.

Make sure to include family members in meal planning. If you have a picky eater, let them choose one meal or at least one portion of a meal so that you know they will be eating something. Run the weekly recipes by family members to see their reactions to the choices. You don’t want to spend time and money cooking something no one is likely to eat.

Plan for leftovers. You don’t necessarily have to include 7 days in your meal planning. If you’re having soup or casserole this week, there might be enough for leftovers. You can also make extra so that you have leftovers. Freeze them to make another week easier if you don’t want to eat them the next day.

While you’re at the commissary, see what’s on sale. Most people will advise sticking to your shopping list to save money, but if you find something you know your family will eat, go ahead and buy it. You can fit it into your plans. Make sure not to overbuy however. If your refrigerator is stuffed, items will be hidden and go bad. When you get home, go ahead and prep food. You can wash fruit, chop vegetables and make sauces to save time later in the week.

Does this all sound like a lot of work? Make meal planning more fun with these 5 tips.

Make meal planning more fun with these 5 tips.

Do you use a meal plan? What are your tips for making meal planning fun?

Designate a Theme for Each Day

It can be difficult to be creative with cooking so simplify the process by designating each weeknight as a different theme. Some popular themes include: Meatless Mondays, Taco Tuesdays, Crockpot Wednesdays, Leftover Thursdays, Pizza Fridays, Sandwich Saturdays and Soup/Salad Sundays.

Make a Fun Menu Board to Display

Get excited about meal planning by presenting the weekly menu in a fun way. You can simply buy a chalkboard to hang on the pantry door or get creative and make your own. By having the weekly meals posted, you’ll know what’s next and so will your family.

Use a Meal Planning App or Website

You can simply use paper lists and a calendar or you can get creative and download a meal planning app for your computer or phone. Paprika is a great app to keep track of recipes, organize a meal calendar and make your grocery list but it isn’t free. I also use All the Cooks app to store and get recipes; it’s free.

Choosemyplate.gov is a great site to make sure the meals you’re choosing are healthy and cover all the food groups. You can search recipes and look up sample menus that fit proper nutrition by age, which is great for children.

Looking for more tried-and-true recipes? Browse the MilitaryShoppers’ Recipes Quick Search tool.

Get Your Family Involved

I already mentioned it, but it’s worth repeating. Why do all the work choosing meals? Get your family involved in meal planning. Ask them what they feel like having or challenge them to find a new recipe. Let your children help you with shopping as well as prepping meals.

Shape Up Meals with Colorful Ideas

This is particularly fun with kids. Set a night with all food in the same shape. Make meals colorful by designating a dish with everything the same color. You can work on the alphabet by nominating a night where all items begin with the same letter. This will get the whole family involved and having fun with it.

Meal planning doesn’t have to be difficult; it can be quite fun.

Do you use a meal plan? What are your tips for making meal planning fun?

The Do’s and Don’ts of the Tricare Nurse Advice Line

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We should always take our health seriously, but sometimes we’re on the fence about what to do. For example, what if it’s been a week and you can’t beat that terrible cough. Do you need to go to the doctor?

When and How to Use the Tricare Nurse Advice Line

Is this fever too high? Should I take her to the doctor?

For those that need more guidance, Tricare beneficiaries have the opportunity to reach out to a health care professional no matter what time of day on any day of the week with the Tricare Nurse Advice Line. To reach the Nurse Advice Line, call 1-800-TRICARE (874-2273) and press option 1.

The team of registered nurses at the other end of the line are ready to help families with whatever health concerns you have and can lead you in the right direction for self-care or assist you in scheduling an appointment at the correct medical facility.

The Tricare Nurse Advice Line supports a majority of Tricare beneficiaries, including Alaska and Hawaii. Eligible Tricare beneficiaries include:

  • Tricare Prime
  • Tricare Prime Remote (TPR)
  • Tricare Prime Remote for Active Duty Family Members (TPRADFM)
  • Tricare Standard
  • Tricare Extra
  • Tricare Reserve Select (TRS)
  • Tricare Retired Reserve (TRR)
  • Tricare Young Adult (TYA)
  • Tricare For Life (TFL)

Please keep in mind that those enrolled in the US Family Health Plan can’t utilize the Nurse Advice Line. Also, if you’re on Tricare Overseas Program (TOP) traveling to the United States, you can call the Nurse Advice Line for medical advice, but if in-person care is recommended, you need to call your TOP Regional Call Center first.

I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to keep your information updated in DEERS. That will help the staff of the Nurse Advice Line to either, make sure you qualify, give you sound medical advice and to direct you to the proper care at your current location.

My suggestion above is a great example on how the Tricare Nurse Advice Line can help guide you to care for yourself appropriately. I don’t know what it is, but I routinely acquire a cough at the change of seasons. Typically, it goes away after a handful of days, but every once in a while it evolves to a sinus infection. Before making the effort to schedule an appointment with my PCM, I can call the Advice Line to discuss my symptoms with a nurse.

How else can the Tricare Nurse Advice Line help you?

The Tricare Nurse Advice Line is not only wonderful for you to get the guidance for any ailments that come your way, you can call it to discuss any questions regarding your children’s health too. Children seem to come up with all kinds of different issues that parents may not know how to handle, especially if it’s never came up before.

For example, your toddler has lice and you have no idea what to do. The Nurse Advice Line can pass along the tools needed to combat this new and acute annoyance. If there is anything else bugging your little ones, the Nurse Advice Line can assist you.

It’s requested that your child be present at the time of the call. That will allow the nurse to get the most accurate information. Also, you can request the nurse to check in on your child to make sure things are progressing positively.

When shouldn’t you use the Tricare Nurse Advice Line?

If it’s really something that needs immediate attention, call 911 or get yourself or your family member to the emergency room at your nearest medical facility. Most of the time, those situations can be gauged at the moment.

For example, you believe your child broke a bone. Don’t pick up the phone, take them to the ER as soon as possible. Since the Nurse Advice Line is 24/7, they could also encourage you to head to the emergency room ASAP, but don’t hesitate.

Have you used the Tricare Nurse Line in the past? What was your experience with it?

4 Positive New Year’s Resolutions for MilSpouses

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With the New Year less than a week away, resolutions are one of the first things that come to mind. It gives us a reason to start something new or get back on track with something that has been a project of ours for awhile.

The New Year is the perfect opportunity for us to reevaluate our lives. Resolutions aren’t for everyone and can be argued that military spouses should ditch it because our lifestyle is so fluid. It could be difficult to stick to a big commitment, especially if an unexpected PCS comes along or deployment.

As military spouses, I encourage exploring unique New Year’s resolutions that are perfectly tailored for the military lifestyle. Instead of focusing on what to “fix” with our lives, let’s create resolutions that bring out the best of military life.

4 Positive New Year’s Resolutions that Military Spouses Should Make in 2016

4 Positive New Year's Resolutions for Military Spouses

What’s your New Year’s resolution for 2016?

Revisit or create your duty station bucket list.

My husband and I made a huge Washington, D.C., bucket list when we first arrived. We were excited for the opportunity to go around and see all the history in our nation’s capital. Flash-forward almost 2 years now, we’ve only scraped the surface. It was just a month ago that my husband was able to visit the National Mall as a tourist, instead of quickly passing it by.

We’ve also gotten comfortable with our favorite places and would continue to go to them when we had free time (i.e. Shenandoah National Park) but there are so many other wonderful parks nearby too! Really, we should take our free time to cross off more points on our duty station bucket list.

In 2016, we’re going to revisit this list and make sure we’re on track to finish it completely before orders come our way. With that said, military spouses should take a look at their duty station bucket lists too.

Try a new activity.

I’ve met lots of truly amazing military spouses in my journey that have opened my eyes to some new activities. I recently participated in a painting party that was arranged by a local military spouse. It sounds silly, but I was nervous going into it at first because I don’t have much artistic ability. I had so much fun painting though!

Whether it’s a painting party or playing a new sport, a new activity is a wonderful way to engage with your local friends and maybe add another hobby to your list. Next time a military spouse invites you to a new activity, say yes and give it a shot!

Volunteer for something you are passionate about.

Military spouses love to give back to the community. I’ve witnessed that as a military kid and now as a military spouse. There are so many wonderful organizations out there that benefit our community.

It’s a natural addition to a military spouses’ resolution list.

I spend my free time volunteering at the local spouses’ club fundraising for dependent scholarships. It really gives me fulfillment to dedicate my time to help military spouses and children achieve higher education.

Travel to someplace new or unexpected.

I advocate for traveling. I blame my parents for giving me wanderlust as a military kid. It’s really opened my eyes to the world and has given me an appreciation for other cultures, even within the United States.

Yes, the military helps your wanderlust by stationing you at new locations every handful of years. Another great opportunity for military spouses to travel is tagging along for a TDY for at least part of the time (that’s how we saw the Grand Canyon).

But, don’t take your spouse’s leave time for granted either! Plan time to visit family and friends and take time off for a much needed vacation too.

My husband and I have been planning at least a week away at a new location every year we’ve known each other. This past year we went to Alaska, the year before that the Caribbean and we’re planning to go to New Zealand in 2016.

What’s your New Year’s resolution for 2016?

10 Situations that Hurt a MilSpouse Friendship

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Have you ever had a friendship with a military spouse end? It hurts. Sometimes it is something you have done that you feel terrible about. Other times it is something someone else has done. Sometimes the death of the friendship is just circumstances and the way things have to be.

Here are 10 situations that can kill a military spouse friendship and how to avoid them.

10 Situations that Can Kill a Military Spouse Friendship (And How to Avoid Them)

What do you find are the factors that may end a friendship among military spouses?

1. Being Friends with the Commanding Officer’s Wife

We always say that rank shouldn’t matter among military spouses, however, in some cases it does. Can you really be friends with the commanding officer’s wife?

When I was in Germany meeting the high-ranking officers’ wives was easy to do because of how small the post was. I made friends with them but not in the same way I could have been friends with other spouses. There is a little bit of a line there. Sometimes a friendship can die out because you just can’t take things any further because of rank.

On the other hand, if military spouses know where that line is, you can still be friends and learn a lot from one another.

2. Being Friends with Your Neighbors

Making friends with your neighbors makes sense. Doing so means you have people that live near you that you can depend on.

However, if something comes up in the neighborhood, the situation can kill a friendship.

I have seen this happen quite a few times. The best thing to do is always be a good neighbor, don’t cause drama with other military spouses and remember that everyone should be treated with respect.

3. Too Much Gossip

I know I am guilty of gossip, we all are. Nothing will kill a friendship faster than hearing that your friend is talking bad about you. Hearing that hurts your soul and makes you feel like your friendship wasn’t real to begin with. Try to stop gossiping yourself and be a better friend than that.

4. Moving

This one is hard. A friend moves away – like military spouses always do – and life isn’t the same anymore. The friendship changes and for some the friendship dies. In my experience, when a friend moves away, in order to keep the friendship alive both people have to try to keep up communicating with each other. If one of the friends doesn’t do that the friendship will die.

5. Your Children Don’t Get Along

You might have a friend who is perfect for you but things can fall apart if your kids don’t get along. Military spouses spend a lot of time hanging out together with their kids. If there is trouble there, the friendship might not be able to last. In some cases there isn’t much you can do about this other than getting together without the kids.

6. Your Spouses Don’t Get Along

Just like with the children, sometimes friendships fall apart when spouses don’t get along. Everything might be fine during a deployment but once the spouses return things can get a little tense and getting together might be more difficult. This is a hard place to be in. You would have to just hang out without your spouses around.

7. Becoming Too Busy

Sometimes two military spouses can be friends, get together often and then one or both of them become busy. This can cause the friendship to fall apart. One of the friends might be wanting to get together and the other doesn’t have time anymore. If you feel like you are too busy all of a sudden, still try to make plans with your friends. You don’t want to lose them because of how busy you are.

8. One Deploys, One Does Not

Military spouses can be friends going through military life together when one of their spouses deploys and everything changes. This doesn’t always have to be the case but sometimes jealousy can take over and the friend with the deployed spouse might try to fade away.

The best thing to do is to understand that your friend could be hurting because their spouse is gone and yours is not.

9. Leaving People Out

I have been in situations where we had a group of friends and then people split up. They decided to get together and leave others out. Try not to leave people out on purpose if it’s possible to include them in your get-togethers. Not all military spouses have to be invited everywhere but if you suddenly stop inviting people when you used to do so, they are going to notice.

10. Having a Baby

If two military spouses were friends for a while and then one has a baby, the friendship can change and even die. This happens because the one that had the baby is now in a different stage of life. In order to avoid this both friends need to understand the change and embrace it.

What do you find are the factors that may end a friendship among military spouses?

How to Start a Babysitting Co-op on Your Base

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Can’t afford the on-base child development center? Do you have a doctor’s appointment and don’t have anyone to watch your toddler? Want to go grocery shopping without the kids while your husband is TDY? Craving a date night with your spouse, but can’t find a babysitter?

How to Start a Babysitting Co-op on Your Base

Do you participate in a babysitting co-op?

Military families looking for affordable and flexible child care should consider joining a babysitting co-op.

What is a babysitting co-op?

A babysitting co-op is a group of parents who agree to exchange babysitting time and most operate on a point system. When you watch someone’s child, you earn points that you trade in when someone else watches your child. It’s an alternative to traditional child care and it’s free.

Babysitting co-op members can choose to watch other people’s children at their convenience. During the day, the child is dropped off at the sitter’s house. In the evening, typically the sitter comes to the children’s house.

When we were stationed in Monterey, Calif., there was a babysitting co-op for military families. But it was only for families who lived in government housing. Since we rented a house off-base we weren’t eligible to participate. But I was definitely interested in it and heard good things about it from my friends.

Let’s say you recently moved to your duty station and you’re wondering if there’s already a babysitting co-op, the easiest way to find out is through the local military spouses’ Facebook group. You can post the question there or search the files section to see if it’s already listed there.

For bases with a babysitting co-op, there is usually a separate closed Facebook group for its participants. For example, the one in Colorado Springs gives this information on its Facebook group,

A group where fellow military wives in the Colorado Springs Area ONLY! can come together to have a close group where we watch each others children, dogs, houses on a point system. To earn points-simply help another member out by watching their kids, dog, or house. If you try to join this group your profile MUST be open and information MUST be available to show that you live here.

But what if there isn’t an existing babysitting co-op? How do I start a babysitting co-op on my base? Here are 3 things you need to do to start a babysitting co-op at your military installation.

Establish Boundaries

Who can join this group? Will you limit the amount of members? Will you require an application for membership? What are the rules for joining or leaving the group?

Like I said before, there was a group at the base in Monterey. But it wasn’t open to everyone in the military. It was only for families who lived on base. Don’t be shy about establishing narrow boundaries for your babysitting co-op. You want the families involved to trust each other and have a good comfortable level.

Establish a Point System that Works for Your Group

There can be unstructured babysitting co-ops, but I think the system works better with guidelines and boundaries. That way every participant knows what is expected of him or her.

The next step in start a babysitting co-op is deciding how you will record and track babysitting points. Some groups use a spreadsheet on Google docs that every participant has access to. There’s an honor system used and members can update that document with their points. Other co-ops have cards that they hand out to parents after they babysit. They can later redeem these cards for babysitting. Search online for templates and printables before designing your own. It will save you a lot of time.

Have a Plan for Handling Disputes Among Members

A good way to avoid drama among the members of the babysitting co-op is to have a plan for resolving disputes. Every group will have parents who haven’t earned as much time as they have used. How will your group handled that? Members need to know how much notice they need to give when requesting child care. Is it 24 hours notice? Or 7 days? Other issues that may come up are bedtime, snacks, taking the children to a playground or park, television and discipline.

I think a babysitting co-op would be a great way to earn free babysitting as a military family. With initial planning and organization, the group can run effectively and efficiently for the parents and the children.

Have you participated in a babysitting co-op in the past? What’s been your experience?

Dear Santa, Military Spouses Really Want…

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This year, I’m having a very difficult time putting together my Christmas wish list and the same goes with my husband. We had the “what do you want for Christmas?” conversation as we were putting together our tree over the Thanksgiving weekend and couldn’t pinpoint anything specific to get one another.

What Military Spouses Really Want for Christmas

What do you want for Christmas?

In reality, we both already have what we truly want, especially for this holiday season. I get to see my family and spend it with my husband. I’m the happiest of campers!

That brought me to think about what us, military spouses, actually want for Christmas.

Sometimes, it’s not something that our families can buy for us. Instead, it’s a feeling, desire or something we can’t really grasp with our hands that we want for the holidays. It’s those certain things that military spouses value more than a new gift wrapped under the tree.

Military life presents circumstances that other families don’t get to endure. Despite some of the things that we may not actually get this holiday season, there is always a silver lining to our wishes that we have to remember.

Here is a short list of true desires that I feel like are on military spouses’ minds during the holiday season.

Dear Santa, this Christmas I really want…

…to locate that significant item lost from your last PCS.

We had a winter PCS to northern Virginia that took place in January 2014. My husband was coming back from an overseas assignment and spent some time in Texas before he had to report in early February 2014. When we were settling into our new home, I realized that the very first Christmas present my husband gave me when we were dating was missing. It’s a silver tennis bracelet that I adored.

I pretty much turned our new home inside out without avail. Ironically enough, my mom wrapped up a special present for me for Christmas 2014. She found that bracelet in my old bedroom as she was preparing for my holiday arrival.

Military spouses may not always find that trinket lost, so those memories become what we treasure. I was so happy it was found, but the moment that my husband gave me that gift is what I take with me.

…to spend the holidays with family from far away.

The holiday season brings joy to us and also inflated airline prices for travel! Military families have to pick and chose their battles as far as spending a great deal of time and possible money to see their extended family. Thank you supply and demand.

Despite the monetary challenge that military spouses face for travel, we have wonderful tools that help keep us connected for virtually no money. The Internet is amazing and we can practically see each other no matter where we are located. I was able to “be in the room” when my dad blew out his candles in September for his birthday.

…to have my service member home for the holidays.

Deployment rears its ugly head more times than we’d like, which can take away our loved one from us for Christmas. It stinks when it does. I don’t think I’ve ever met a military spouse that thought otherwise.

My husband was overseas for the 2014 holiday season and I’ll admit I might have complained about it more than once. But, military spouses really do have it nice with technology. When duty calls for our service member, there are ways military spouses can connect with them, similarly to our separated family members.

My father would tell me stories of him having to wait in the USO to use the phones there to call my mom when he was away. Also, he would have to wait for snail mail of Polaroids to keep track of my growth as a child.

Military spouses can use smartphones to email photos to their service member and vise versa. I was lucky to get to see my spouse on Christmas and New Year’s Day, while he was away.

What do you think military spouses really want for Christmas?