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I Crossed the Unwritten Officer and Enlisted Friendship Line

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I joined the military spouse ranks at the end of an era. Which specific era, you might wonder? Well, the end of the blatant separation of spouses into “officer” and “enlisted.”

When my husband was wrapping up his stint at initial training, all of us wives (and it was only wives) were herded into an auditorium and given the rundown on life as a USMC spouse. We learned the ropes from a seasoned spouse and were handed a copy of Parade Rest.

We were lectured about protocol and decorum. I, the dependent spouse, was a direct reflection on my husband and his career. My behavior needed to be impeccable at all times. The correct place settings and seating arrangements for every possible formal and informal dinner party was reviewed in my new book.

Oh, and the rules against officer and enlisted fraternization were reviewed. But I didn’t really pay close attention to that part of the seminar. I guess it covered spouses, too. I mean, it must have, based on how other newly minted military spouses were acting.

I crossed the unwritten officer and enlisted friendship line.

And I don’t care. Because that line isn’t a real thing. It’s something that someone way back in the “good old days” created.

Some of the friends that I do life best with happen to be on the “other side” of that line.

The whole rank thing came up once at the beginning of each friendship. And then it was done.

No one blinked.

No one flinched.

Our spouses’ ranks aren’t even discussed, except for a hearty congratulations when someone gets promoted.

I Crossed the Unwritten Officer and Enlisted Friendship Line

We’re all just spouses. By “just” I really mean without the officer or enlisted caveat attached.

I have just a few criteria for my friends. First, be kind to my kids, but don’t be afraid to make them toe the line.

Also, it would be nice to enjoy a few similar hobbies. I’m into true crime, running, reading, writing and being salty about military life.

Finally, I like to have adventures and try new things.

Can you hang with that? Great! You’re in.

This attitude is becoming more and more the norm of military life and friendship among spouses.

The atmosphere has changed slowly over the last decade or so. I’m so glad that it has too. It makes everything much nicer and friendlier. Having an “all-hands” spouses club unites all of us for the good and, honestly, the food.

It wasn’t always like this, even in the very recent past.

I remember overhearing troubling conversations as a young(er) spouse. Harsh, untrue stereotypes were repeated. Some folks thought they could “just tell” what rank someone’s spouse wore based on their accent, clothing, number of children or perceived education level.

When I volunteered in the family readiness group at our first duty station, a few spouses liked to throw down rank very obviously. As if it made a difference to who got the last word.

Related: 10 Situations that Hurt a MilSpouse Friendship

One of my friends from that experience happened to be married to an enlisted Marine. After all the nonsense at my military spouse indoctrination, I was nervous about venturing into this friendship. I didn’t want to create a situation. I hesitated to connect on Facebook. I paused before socializing outside of unit events.

Then my husband set me straight.

We’re all just spouses.

By “just” I really mean without the officer or enlisted caveat attached. At the end of the day, we married the person our hearts connected to the most.

It wasn’t because of what was on their collars, but because of who they are as a human.

Although, if we’re being honest, how they look in dress uniform might have played a role in the process.

Breaking through that invisible O/E friendship barrier was the best thing I’ve done as a spouse. When I decided to stop listening to the stereotypes and the unwritten rules, I gained a whole lot of love, light and laughter.

I’ve got a whole army of amazing friends that I know I can call on, day or night, for anything. Whatever our spouses do, we’ve got each other. And to be honest, none of us are really 100% sure what our active duty other half does some days.

We’re all in this together, all of us military spouses. We are all just trying to get through this wild ride, with our sanity mostly intact. So cross that “line” if you spot a kindred spirit. It will be so worth it.

We want to hear from you! Tell us what “rules” you’ve proudly broken as a military spouse!

Serving in the Army Is My Family’s Calling

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by Eric Gardner, Guest Contributor

The term family business has a menagerie of feelings and definitions depending upon who you ask. I prefer the term “calling” instead of “business,” since it casts a truer light upon my unique family past.

In the broad categories which define roles associated in our military culture I’ve held many of them.

Service member.

Military spouse.

Army brat.

I’ve worn these roles with pride. With more than 40 years of life vested in this unique and sometimes challenging community, I can say unequivocally I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Service is a very dear ideal in my family. While I can trace my roots back to the American Revolution, I have had a constant family member in active service through WWI, WWII, Japan’s Occupation, the Cold War, and the Global War on Terror. My wife is also a third generation military member.

This family calling has given us a shared outlook and understanding on what is truly important in life.

Serving in the Army Is My Family's Calling

Did you follow your father and join the Army?

Even with such a rich family history of military service my parents never forced a career in the Army upon me. Growing up in the ’80s I was a huge fan of the “G.I. Joe” cartoon and shows like “The A-Team” and “MacGyver.” While other children my age saw these larger than life personas as too fantastic to be true, I knew the exact opposite.

As a child I could say that I’d met the proverbial steely eyes, barrel chested freedom fighter on several occasions. In “G.I. Joe,” Duke, Lady Jay and Roadblock would display the moral courage to take a stand against something they felt was wrong. I could see the same exhibition of character by walking into my father’s office on any given day and witness the towering soldiers doing the exact same thing.

This introduction into my family calling was accented more when units would hold their organizational days. These family-oriented events always showcased the tools of the trade to loved ones so they could get a better understanding of what their service member did.

Imagine seeing every Hollywood prop in real life and understanding that the soldier standing in front of you was just as awesome as any character that was on the big screen; it clearly made a lasting impression.

Before my elementary school years were over I understood how camouflage worked, possessed a loose understanding of how many different weapon systems our service men and women were tasked to employ and a firm respect for the work that each of them did.

Serving in the Army Is My Family's Calling

I never viewed my unique exposure to the Army as manipulation to join its ranks. Instead this insider information allowed me to make the best decision I could about my future.

I have wonderful memories of wearing face paint, dressed in my pint-sized fatigues and patrolling our military quarters with my sister in tow on a mission to find a lost G.I. Joe somewhere in the hedge. A smile always comes to mind when I think back to having my father introduce me to the challenges of obstacle courses and learned how stations like the gut buster and the weaver vexed the men and women under his command. Whether it was climbing on Humvees and tanks or checking out the static displays of the utility and attack helicopters, I saw the world of the military as a constant adventure.

On the flip side there were times when the military lifestyle was negative. The moves, training and deployments, and constantly reinventing yourself are challenges we can all relate to. However, with each of these, one thing made it all possible; family. My mother and father always put us first — within reason of course.

Even in the tough times we understood that friends and homes may change but our family would always be there.

When I went off to college my future world was a blank canvas to explore. Even with an endless array of life options, the most fulfilling was in my R.O.T.C. program which lead to my commissioning in the Army as an infantry officer. The same branch my great grandfather was in during WWI and my father was during his 30-year career. I never viewed the unique exposure to the Army as some sort of manipulation to join. Instead it allowed me to make the best decision I could about my future.

Serving in the Army Is My Family's Calling

My parents never forced a career in the Army upon me.

My tour of duty as a service member with the Army lasted eight and a half years. As I transitioned to the role of spouse my love for the military way of life didn’t change. With my own children now seeing the nonstop adventure this lifestyle holds they can make their own decisions when they enter the workforce to see if the military is right for them.

Regardless of their choice they will know that within their family were men and women who were willing to risk everything to ensure they would be afforded the same chance at a wonderful future they had been given.

Serving in the Army Is My Family's Calling

I can trace my roots back to the American Revolution, I have had a constant family member in active service through WWI, WWII, Japan’s Occupation, the Cold War, and the Global War on Terror. My wife is also a third generation military member.

Did you follow your parent and join the Army or other branch of service? Tell us your family of military service story in the comments section.

Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father's footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father’s footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Since the end of his wartime service he has shifted gears and is now a stay-at-home father. In his role as an active duty Army spouse, he has become an author. As the creator of the XIII Legion Series he has enjoyed great success, and enjoys meeting other entrepreneurial spouses as well as fellow authors. You can see more from Eric Gardner at his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/thirteenthlegion.series, and http://www.facebook.com/XIIILGN or follow him via Twitter @13thLegion.

5 Tips for Throwing a ‘We’re Moving Overseas’ Party

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Fair winds and following seas. May the road rise to meet you. Sayonara. Adios.

You’re moving overseas and you are probably in full-on packing and panic mode right now. Before you go, take some time to bid adieu to your friends and family stateside.

 5 Tips for Throwing a “We’re Moving Overseas” Party

The last thing you need in the middle of your current crazy is a lot of work. Instead, follow these 5 simple tips for a great farewell bash that might just make your move slightly easier! Plus, you’ll enjoy a memorable night with your friends and moments you’ll remember for a lifetime.

 5 Tips for Throwing a "We're Moving Overseas" Party

It makes sense to combine your PCS-specific tasks into a celebration with friends! The giving away of things during a PCS is a time-honored military family tradition.

Pick a Theme

Keep your party’s theme super simple: here or there.

For “here” parties, stick to things that are classically American or that you can’t get at your next duty station. Ask friends to bring classic side dishes and grill out. Decorate with an Americana theme in red, white and blue. Or pay homage to the things you’ll miss the most, like Target or Dunkin’ Donuts. You know, the essentials of life.

If you’re going with a “there” theme, make everything about your next duty station. Going to Germany? Pick an Oktoberfest theme with beer and brats, even if it’s June. Headed to Japan or Korea? Decorate with pink cherry blossoms and serve lots of noodles and green tea.

Either way, don’t buy a ton of decorations. You’re packing up your whole house, remember? If you don’t have anything that fits a “theme,” put up your holiday lights around the yard, patio, balcony or inside your house.

Set Your Menu

Use this farewell party as an opportunity to clean out your pantry. Put your non-perishable food on the counter. Try to match recipes with what you already have on hand. The goal is to buy as little additional food as possible while using up a good portion of the things in your pantry.

If you think that this might make for some interesting cuisine, you’re right! A 2012 PCS party did, in fact, lead to the creation of cranberry-creamed corn-stuffing balls with a light honey dijon mustard dipping sauce. They were shockingly delicious.

Once you’ve decided on what you’re making, invite your guests to contribute dishes as well. Chances are they’ll bring less inventive food.

Open Bar & BYOB

You can’t take open bottles of booze with you. It seems to be frowned upon. Something about leaking and damage.

Since you can’t take your liquor with you to your next military installation, mix cocktails using whatever you’ve got on hand at your “We’re Moving Overseas” party. Add a blender and frozen fruit for experimental margaritas and daiquiris. Again, the goal is to whittle your stash down to almost nothing.

If your guests want to contribute to the communal beverages or keep something more mainstream for themselves, encourage BYOB.

For the kids, mix up lemonade or serve juice boxes. If you have a lot of fresh or frozen fruit, DIY smoothies are always fun! Just make sure you clearly label the adult beverages.

Activities & Games

Use this party as an opportunity to clear out your closets!

For the kids, pull out every already opened arts and crafts kit you have on hand. Set out coloring books, crayons, markers, stickers and drawing paper at one station. Make a sidewalk chalk station or a painting station, too. Encourage your younger guests to use up everything.

You could also set out water guns, kiddie pools or water games you have on hand.

While the adults might be content to kick back with food and drink, you could also set out lawn games or card games.

Every Party Needs Favors

The giving away of things during a PCS is a time-honored military family tradition. Let your guests know to come with a few sturdy boxes.

Go through the house before the party and collect everything that the movers won’t or can’t pack. This is usually opened non-perishable foods, cleaning supplies, and other liquids. To that, add any clothes, furniture, toys or decor items that you don’t want to store or bring with you.

Sort everything by type and keep your “favors” in one area of the party space. Let your friends know that they should feel free to grab anything that strikes their fancy.

Anything left after the party can be trashed (if in poor/opened condition), donated (good/unopened) or gifted to friends in the last hours of your move. Just be sure to keep something for that final cleanup before housing inspection!

Celebrate Your Overseas Move with Fun and Humor

Yes, some of these tips might be a little tongue in cheek. However, using up pantry items, finishing off opened art or cleaning supplies and giving things away is the reality for PCSing military families.

It makes good sense to combine all these PCS-specific tasks into a big celebration with friends! Also, I’m betting that more than a few military friends have already attended or hosted a similar party before.

At the end of the day, your “we’re moving overseas” party will be remembered for good times spent with friends. Whether you serve a stuffing ball creation is totally your call.

How do you say goodbye to your friends before an overseas move? Tell us in the comments section.

How Being a Mother Changed My Life as a Military Spouse

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My life completely changed when I became a mother. When I saw our son for the first time my whole world changed. Though there were many long nights of sleeplessness, there were also plenty of moments of pure joy. We brought this tiny person into the world. He was ours to love, to teach and to enjoy.

I don’t think it’s possible to know true love and joy until you’ve held your baby in your arms.

I never thought of myself as an emotional or sentimental person, but I certainly am now that I’m a mother. I feel the tears in my eyes when I think about how much he means to me. I love our son. It has been an emotional journey watching him grow.

My husband deployed when our son was nine months old. Deployments can be hard on families, and this one was so much more trying now that I was a mother for the first time and alone with a baby.

I loved seeing our son grow, try new things and explore his surroundings. It seemed like only a blink of an eye and our baby had turned into a toddler. Where did the time go? I missed the baby stage but looked forward to the next steps. I missed the bond that came with nursing once he stopped, but I still get plenty of snuggles since my son loves to cuddle.

How Being a Mother Changed My Life as a Military Spouse

I love the moments when I’m holding our baby girl and she reaches her tiny hand for my cheek. But it makes me sad to think that my husband is missing these moments with her.

Our son is now four years old and almost nine months ago we welcomed our second child into the world, a little girl. My husband deployed just before she turned three months old. That was incredibly hard. I was left with two kids for six months. Some days were really hard and others were amazing.

I thought our son would be jealous of the baby but I couldn’t have been more wrong. He adores her. He wants to hold her, feed her and share his toys with her. He smiles and talks to her and she smiles back. I love the moments when they just stop and look at each other smiling. It brings great joy to my heart. I’m so sad that my husband missed all of this once again.

Related: Celebrating Mother’s Day During Deployments

Last night we had an amazing homecoming. My husband returned from his sixth deployment. I’ve picked him up plenty of times, but this time was completely different. The excitement our four year old showed in anticipation of his arrival was enough to make anyone smile. He stood in the airport with his welcome home sign waving his American flag waiting eagerly for Daddy to come off the plane.

I don’t think there were many dry eyes when everyone heard him shout “Daddy” and run to his father. It was a moment of pure joy.

I love being a mother and seeing these moments. There will be more deployments that will come all too soon, but there will be plenty of time to enjoy our family as a whole. I’m so happy that my husband is home to enjoy our children. I hope with our daughter that he gets to see some of the milestones he missed with our son. As a mother, I couldn’t imagine missing any milestone.

There’s a strong bond between a mother and her child. I love the moments when I’m holding our baby girl and she gazes up at me and reaches her tiny hand for my cheek. Those moments are fleeting so I will cherish every one.

Related: Don’t Forget Military Moms

Though it’s sad to see her grow so fast, it’s amazing to watch her learn and explore. I look forward to seeing her personality grow and to see how she and her brother bond. Being a mother is a remarkable thing and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

How I Feel About Military Spouse Appreciation Day

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On Military Spouse Appreciation Day, I’ll be tagged in dozens of Facebook posts. I’ll tear up reading the heartfelt words of my military spouse friends.

Besides that I don’t think much else will happen on May 11.

Let’s be honest: Military Spouse Appreciation Day is about military spouses connecting with other military spouses.

This is our day to express how much the support of our community and friends has helped us over the years. That’s important, don’t get me wrong.

I love seeing my friends post emotional video montages or write emotional posts that celebrate the ties binding us together. It’s a reminder that I’m not alone and I’ve always got folks watching my six.

Yes, there are events held on military bases around the world honoring the contributions of military spouses. There are job fairs, appreciation luncheons and educational workshops.

All of this is great. Honestly, it’s just nice to be recognized in any small way.

How I Feel About Military Spouse Appreciation Day

Maybe I’ve grown a little salty over the years, but Military Spouse Appreciation Day seems like just more lip service.

The statements of our nation’s leaders, from President Reagan to the present day, express that they see us. They know how much we’ve given of ourselves in support of our spouse and our country.

But this support for military spouses isn’t followed by action.

Maybe I’ve grown a little salty over the years, but Military Spouse Appreciation Day seems like just more lip service.

If our leaders wanted to show military spouses actual appreciation, there are tons of things that they could do.

1. Fix Tricare

Right now military families are receiving letters from Tricare that show they’ll lose their coverage or plan due to failure to pay. Here’s the problem: they have been paying and the system didn’t record it. Military families are caught in the middle between yet another provider network switch and terrible communication.

Tricare operates on the lowest bidder system. While this might be great for, say, choosing a landscaping service at the White House, it’s not the way to do health care. Medical professionals are being dropped by Humana due to paperwork processing errors, even though the doctors did their due diligence in advance. Many medical professionals will not accept Tricare at all because of the paperwork headaches and rock-bottom reimbursement rates.

This leaves military families without civilian options for care. Families with children who have special needs are left without ABA therapy, speech therapy, physical therapy or occupational therapy. Families located far from a comprehensive MTF are caught between the politics of Tricare and the boots on the ground reality.

There are a plethora of issues with health care in our country and Tricare is just the tip of the iceberg. But it’s a pain point for many military families.

Show us that you truly see us by fixing Tricare.

2. Increase Funding for Our Schools

When military families are asked about their PCS concerns, finding a good school is near the top. This is because our federal and state governments have, largely, walked away from public schools. They’ve put in place policies that undercut education funding for years. Buildings are crumbling, learning materials are out of date and teachers are working multiple jobs just to keep their heads above water.

The plan floated by Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos is a small, very small, step to acknowledge this critical military family issue. However, her plan provides minimal funding to a fraction of families all while stripping public schools of money they need to keep the lights on.

This is not how we operate an education system. And by their continued neglect of schools everywhere, not just near military bases, our nation’s leaders are shouting loud and clear that they do not care about our struggles.

Appreciate us and our military kids by taking meaningful action to fully fund schools across the country and pay all teachers appropriate wages.

3. Clean Up Our Contaminated Water

We already question whether this lifestyle is harming our children due to saying goodbye to their friends over and over. We tell ourselves that moving is building resiliency and that seeing the world is a fair trade for our wandering life.

Then you wake up to the news that 126 bases have contaminated water.

Now I’m not only worrying about psychologically damaging my children. I’m terrified that they’ll die because we drank from the tap in base housing. Perfect.

I’ll be watching myself and my very young children for signs and symptoms for decades, all because we’re a military family. All because I drank the water at Camp Pendleton. All because I’m just waiting for them to confirm my suspicions about Okinawa.

Want to know if your current or past bases are affected? The DoD has helpfully listed every location with contaminated water!

If our leaders truly, really appreciated the service and sacrifices of military spouses, they would put meaningful fixes in place to correct these dangerous issues.

4. Reduce Military Spouse Unemployment and Underemployed Rates

Military spouses face the reality of chronic underemployment and unemployment. Only 47% of military spouses responding to the 2017 Blue Star Families survey were employed. The overwhelming majority of employed spouses earned less than $20,000 per year.

There are a lot of factors that go into this. Our transient lifestyle makes it hard to advance in professional careers or keep a job longer than three years. Transferring and maintaining multiple professional licenses costs time and money. Federal employment, often touted as the holy grail of military spouse work, requires that applicants jump through hoops and wait, sometimes months, to hear back from prospective jobs.

Beyond the logistics of employment, there are the lifestyle complications related to being a military spouse. We move every three years, on average. We transition between two parent and single parent households regularly.

Child care often eats up the majority of our take-home pay. And that’s when there are openings available. In many locations, securing quality child care requires super advanced application even at the on-base CDC.

Beyond that, our workday availability is almost a necessity to support our spouse and children. The military schedules everything during working hours, from promotion ceremonies to childbirth classes.

You want to support me? Find ways to support my continued employment with changes to how the military works. Longer dwell times, affordable and available child care, expedited and transparent federal hiring practices or making licensure transfers more flexible are great places to start.

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day to the women and men who persevere!

Maybe this year the powers that be will give us some meaningful support and change instead of just pretty words.

Read “5 Reasons Why Military Spouses Deserve a Day of Appreciation” for Rachel’s perspective on Military Spouse Appreciation Day.

A Compassionate Home Away From Home

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**This is a guest post contributed by Chuck Baker. 

When veterans and active duty military personnel need help, it’s very common for other veterans and service people to step up to lend their collective hands. Providing assistance to their fellow brothers and sisters is ingrained in the hearts and minds of America’s military culture. And while it’s not totally out of the ordinary for non-military men and women to step in and supply aid and comfort, there are some of them who have gone to great lengths to do so. While Zachary and Elizabeth Fisher have long since departed this world, their legacy of help and assistance continues to provide dividends for thousands of veterans — and of additional importance — their families.

Zach and his wife Elizabeth did not serve in the military. They observed that injured military members had several methods of receiving medical attention from the government. But they also perceived that a very important adjacent need was not being met. When soldiers were being treated for wounds or illnesses at military hospitals or Department of Veterans Affairs medical facilities, it was often a hardship for their families to pay for travel expenses and high-quality temporary housing in order to visit their warriors. So the Fisher’s did something about it.

What I Love About Being a Stay-At-Home-Dad

In 1991 they opened the first Fisher House at the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland. Today there are Fisher Houses all across the nation where families can say at no charge whatsoever in private guest suites that are professionally decorated and furnished. Such amenities as common kitchens, spacious dining rooms, computer access and more are also provided.

In Southern Nevada, a Fisher House is located on the grounds of the Veterans Affairs clinic, at Pecos Road and 215. The facility is so inviting, writers such as myself sometimes think we’d prefer to move into one of the spacious rooms rather than return to our homes!

Nevada’s Fisher House is under the care of Manager Cadie Franco. She said that among other qualifications, those who are able to stay at the facility include immediate family — parents, children, sisters, brothers — and even care givers. “Whoever their primary support person is.” While full blown meals are not traditionally available, the Southern Nevada location makes partial exceptions. “Because of our location there’s not a lot of services nearby. So we do try to keep basic food supplies on hand,” Franco said. Food is often donated, and groceries are purchased with donated funds. Community groups sometimes come in and prepare meals for residents. Groups include contingents from Nellis AFB, Shadow Hills Church, Wells Fargo bank and others.

*Chuck Baker is a free-lance writer specializing in veterans and military topics.

 

How to Help Your Service Member, Friends Suffering with PTSD

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PTSD or post-traumatic stress disorder is a mental health problem that we as military spouses, family members and veterans face all too often. It could be a loved one, a friend or a colleague that suffers from PTSD.

Many people don’t understand PTSD and they don’t know how to help their service member or friend who is suffering from it. That’s why it’s important to make yourself familiar with this disorder. The more you learn about it, the more you will understand what they are going through and thus the better you’ll be able to help them.

How to Help Your Service Member, Friends Suffering with PTSD

Many service members are afraid of the stigma that comes with PTSD but it can happen to anyone and it is not a sign of weakness.

I know quite a few friends that suffer from PTSD. You probably do too and you might not even know it.

PTSD is a mental health problem that anyone can have following a life-threatening event. This could include experiencing or seeing a traumatic event such as sexual assault, a car accident, a natural disaster or more prominently for military service members, combat.

Some people are very good at hiding how they feel. They don’t want to talk about it. They pull away from friends and family and become isolated. They may not enjoy things that they use to. They may become angry easily or when a trigger occurs that reminds them of the traumatic experience.

As a friend or family member, you can help them understand PTSD and get help for the mental health disorder. Many service members are afraid of the stigma that comes with PTSD but it can happen to anyone and it is not a sign of weakness. The statistics are staggering.

  • 7 to 8 out of every 100 people will develop PTSD in their lifetime
  • 8 million adults suffer from PTSD in a given year
  • Roughly 10 out of 100 women will have PTSD at some point whereas 4 out of every 100 men will experience it

One thing that can make PTSD more likely is stress. Support from friends and family members can reduce the chances of someone developing PTSD.

There are four types of PTSD symptoms that you should be on the lookout for if you think that a loved one might be suffering from PTSD. Many relive the event, in which case you might notice they have nightmares or flashbacks of the event. They may avoid situations that make them recall the experience. They may act amped-up or they might become negative in how they feel toward people or events. If you feel that someone you know is showing these signs, be prepared to help them.

Here are a few ways that you can help them cope with PTSD:

  • Read about PTSD so that you will understand what they are going through.
  • Offer a shoulder to cry on and listen to what they have to say. Do not interrupt them or offer a solution to their problem. Do not blame them or use accusing words. Just listen and if they don’t want to talk, tell them that is ok too.
  • Suggest seeking help from a doctor and offer to go with them. There are two ways to treat PTSD: talking to a counselor or medication.
  • Plan activities to do with friends or family. Incorporate exercise into a daily routine. Having a purpose and close friends and family that support them can be beneficial.

If you suffer from PTSD, know that you do not have to face it alone. There are people that love you and want to help you. If you don’t want to talk to them, there are ways to seek out help.

  • Call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
  • Contact the Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255, press 1 (text 838255) or use the Confidential Veterans Chat to speak with a counselor

What are your suggestions for helping a friend or spouse suffering with PTSD?

Holistic Treatments Part of VA Medical

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**This is a guest post contributed by Chuck Baker. 

In the past I have briefly discussed holistic medicine, and efforts that the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) had been taking to include such treatments in its care of veterans. Since then, the VA has made some additional efforts to include non-traditional treatments. Sometimes, civilian firms help lead the way.

Valerie Heath once sold telephone equipment to the military coast to coast. She met with active duty soldiers, and veterans who worked for the military. “I heard their stories,” she said. “I realized many of them needed help.” She had begun learning about various techniques to help individuals with emotional problems, and became an expert in Reiki and other therapies. Over time she felt that veterans who have difficulty connecting with traditional medicine could benefit from a holistic approach. Five years ago she opened Heaven & Earth Oasis in Los Angeles to offer holistic services. And in order to help veterans, she decided to offer her services at no cost to them.

Veteran Holistic Treatment

Today she has a staff of 10 holistic healers and several other volunteers. She relies on non-veterans who pay for her services, and on donations and large public events such as golf tournaments and lunches. And she said that while the VA has begun to offer more and more of what her group does, it has a long way to go. Looking into the types of remedies offered, it seems that there are almost as many alternative treatments as there are veterans. For example, Heath offers Reiki, DNA Theta, water therapy, chiropractic therapy, massage, acupuncture and biofeedback, all practiced by certified and licensed professionals.

In Southern Nevada, a spokesperson for the VA said qualified veterans are often treated with auricular acupuncture, kinesiotherapy, osteopathic manipulative therapy and a wide variety of related services. His comments mirror what Heath reports about VA facilities in California. She said the VA has been offering similar treatments for veterans in the Golden State. And her organization helps to fill any void. “Thanks to our donors, U.S. servicemen and women are receiving at no charge, the most effective, professional holistic healing methods to help them recover, re-enter society and re-engage in productive work.”

According to the Army Times, National Guardsmen are a growing element of those who could benefit from holistic treatments. Guardsmen are quickly dropped from active duty once their deployments are over, and often leave the service with unfinished medical treatments. The quick out-processing means they are dropped in the lap of the VA with less than approved appropriate medical disability benefits. That’s where organizations like Heaven & Earth Oasis often come in, helping to fill a gap until Guardsmen can be officially signed with the VA. Heath explained that “I’ve worked with military and veterans groups for twenty years, and became aware that veterans need the most help to heal physically and emotionally,” she said. “For this reason, I was gripped by a determination to do something for them.”

*Chuck Baker is a free-lance writer specializing in veterans and military topics.

Origami? Isn’t that for Children?

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**This is a guest post contributed by Mikaela Whitney. 

I’m a Para jumper, I don’t need to know arts and crafts

People don’t give origami enough credit. It literally saves lives in the military every single day. The usage of origami- paper folding can be found in parachutes, air bags, and tents. How does someone take a big item and store it efficiently? Origami. How can a parachute be folded to open properly? Origami. How do the transformers go from giant robots to cars? Origami. There’s so much more to origami than paper boats, cranes, and hats and almost any Military personnel can put it to use.

Robert J. Lang has been seen talking about space exploration and incorporating origami into science for years. Understanding how something large can be folded up and unfolded without compromising the structural makeup of something can lead to revolutionary science that’s based around thousand-year-old arts and crafts. In years past, origami has been able to inspire real-life examples of this practice, including space lenses for telescopes the size of football fields. There have been solar panels that open and close using this origami inspiration. NASA is also designing star shades to block unwanted light that could allow telescopes to see further in areas blocked by starlight.

I’m no Para jumper or engineer

So, you’re not jumping out of helicopters or designing revolutionary military equipment. Why should you learn origami? If you can think of something, an animal, a chair, a flower, you can probably find an origami instructional video on it. Maybe you’re being stationed in Japan. Knock them dead when you can not only fold a paper crane, but you can make an origami Yoda from Star Wars. On a train? Fold origami. On a plane? Fold origami. On a bus? Fold origami. You might travel all the time, it’s a great way to sharpen your skills and challenge your brain. If you’re good at geometry and general mathematics, you might even be able to design your own. You can even make origami tanks with standard printer paper. I mean who doesn’t like tanks? You could even make your favorite fighter jets, biplanes, and helicopters. There is a model for everyone. Even if you’re horrible at origami I can find even one model anyone can fold. Take a square paper and fold it off center diagonally so you have all four points pointing up. You just made the one-fold Stegosaurus.

I’m Retired Military or a Dependent/Spouse

Alright, so you’re no longer active, or you were never in the Military, that’s alright. There’s still plenty of reasons you should pick up this new skill. When I was in school I was horrible at geometry. Shapes and angles made my brain hurt. It was only until I viewed geometry from an origami standpoint that I was able to teach myself about right angles and symmetry. I was able to visualize the math in a 3D real-world representation of what was in front of me in the text book. School projects were always a breeze. “We need someone who can draw for this art project” is a sentence I heard a lot in school. I can’t draw, but I’ve done school projects in origami and got good marks for creativity and originality. Use it to make props for your science fair too. Did a science experiment about rats? Don’t lose him in the school cafeteria, make an origami rat for the display. It will be a one of the kind hit.

Maybe you’re out of school like me, your family or spouse is in the military and you pick up some paper while shopping on base and you think “well, what can I do with this?” With Standard printer paper or colored printer paper you can easily begin the exploration into the origami world. From a rectangle if you fold the bottom corner to the opposite edge at a 45-degree angle you should create a right triangle plus some extra paper. Trim the extra paper to reveal that if the triangle is unfolded you’ll have a square ready to fly—to be a crane. Another way is to line up two rectangle papers, one horizontal and one vertical. Line it up corner to corner. You should be able to see the square now. Draw a line where the extra paper is and cut it to reveal your square, or two if you do both papers.

I have recently used origami to make a one of a kind statement piece in my house using scrapbook paper, a piece of wood and a clock movement. There is some extraordinary modular origami out there you can use to make jewelry, household decorations and Christmas ornaments. You can even sell them to make money! If you made an origami modular ball shape with paper and put it over an LED bulb lamp, you now have a one of a kind lamp shade. If you buy some clear ornaments that open and you placed your favorite origami model inside, you just made one of a kind ornaments you could sell. Tiny origami in glass bottles on necklaces, you can sell it. Teach classes at a craft store and keep the profits.

Maybe you have small children who have been running around the house and you can’t get them to stay still. Make them an origami hat and paper sword so they can be pirates. Or teach them some origami too. Children love origami because there are a lot of models designed with them in mind. I once babysat a girl whose attention I held the whole time I was watching her, by showing her some origami. I made her flowers fish and paper claws. Children get so captivated by origami they start learning it to, you can learn with them as a bonding activity, or make them a boat or crane and watch their face light up in amazement. I have handed kids an origami box before and they were anything but impressed. Then I told them the box is magic. I unfolded a few flaps and the box became a rose. The expression they make when origami goes from a box, to a rose, back into a box is heartwarming. The model is even simple enough to teach a preteen. They will love to make them for their friends and share their new skills

Origami can be great for passing time, going into space, saving lives and making a couple extra dollars.  Try origami it doesn’t take a genius to get started—just put one-fold in front of the other.

What Happens When My Wife Goes TDY

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by Eric Gardner, guest contributor

As families sit around the dinner table it’s a wonderful time to catch up on the day’s events or reminisce about the past.

One of the favorite topics at my house is all the “fun” things my daughters and I do when my wife is away on TDY orders, deployments or training.

While I’m never completely sold out by my girls; it’s really only because some of those unique nuances of anarchy when Mom’s gone are a normal way of life for us.

We’re always swimming in the deep end of life watching for that next crazy wave to head our way.

In the unpredictable world of the military lifestyle our families are kept constantly on their toes. Our modern nomadic spirit keeps us in some phase of pre/post deployment bedlam, or we find our days intermingled with various stages of the training cycle.

To say our family dynamic is kept in a volatile state of constant flux wouldn’t do it justice.

When compared to the length of a career, these short sprints of time help to sort out the new roles everyone will have to take on. Everyone rows in our family. If we all work together it will make the challenges pass that much faster.

However, each of us understands that it’s a real adjustment for the entire family whenever they are missing one of their members. Doubly so when a service member is away.

What Happens When My Wife Goes TDY

The fun activities act as a distraction to the one resounding fact; Mom isn’t with us.

As a stay-at-home dad I get my fair share of jokes leveled in my direction. They are usually tied to Stan Dragoti’s classic film “Mr. Mom.” To be honest I don’t mind the comparison to Michael Keaton’s character because there are so many moments I can relate to.

Perhaps not so blatant a comparison as vanquishing the family vacuum; I’m pretty proficient.

Or sword fighting the popcorn maker; well maybe that one.

However, when those TDY trips would come up we enjoyed the neighborhood poker games and the lumberjack persona was a very in style look.

It’s not that the life of the military spouse is all fun and games. The adaptations we make to support our service members are more in keeping with trying to ensure the train is still moving forward even if that means only one wheel is on the ground at any given time.

Oftentimes pizza or fast food become the “splurge” to help ease the stress of separation. When my girls were younger the island of dishes in the sink would typically consist of every plate, glass and utensil we owned before I would devote energy to get the kitchen back to normal. Bedtimes would get extended, storytime would last forever, and our supply of ice cream would vanish soon after it was brought home from the commissary. An outing to Chuck E. Cheese and later Dave and Busters were entertaining and helped pass the time.

But all these “fun” things only acted as a distraction to the one resounding fact; Mom couldn’t be there.

Schedules, routines, patterns are things that help us survive the mayhem that is the military lifestyle. But like Jack in Mr. Mom, we will always be bombarded with new challenges, yet I really strive to emulate his attitude of perseverance to the daily insanity that was all around him.

Whether it’s the unique approach to stitching up torn clothing with a stapler, wearing a plaid shirt with striped pants — a favorite of my youngest when Mom’s gone — or rocking out to Taylor Swift with the volume so loud the neighbors 5 houses away can hear it.

All of these crazy moments are for one reason – to try to fill the void, we feel when our service member isn’t home with us.

As you can imagine when we’re all back at the dinner table once more, our “fun” may look a little different but we enjoy it so much more because we’re finally all together again.

Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father’s footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Since the end of his wartime service he has shifted gears and is now a stay-at-home father. In his role as an active duty Army spouse, he has become an author. As the creator of the XIII Legion Series he has enjoyed great success, and enjoys meeting other entrepreneurial spouses as well as fellow authors. You can see more from Eric Gardner at his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/thirteenthlegion.series, and http://www.facebook.com/XIIILGN or follow him via Twitter @13thLegion.