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Thanksgiving Meal Assistance for Service Members & Military Families

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Thanksgiving is traditionally a day of plenty. However, putting all that food on the table can be a struggle on tight military budgets.

Many military families may qualify for Thanksgiving meal assistance from military support organizations.

Thanksgiving Meal Assistance for Service Members & Military Families

If your family could use a boost this holiday season, check out these great opportunities to build your festive feast.

Operation We Are Here

Enjoy a turkey and all the fixings with Holidays Meals for Military from Operation We Are Here! Registration is still available for many 2018 events.

In 2010, Ken Ruff witnessed a young military family struggle to pay for their Thanksgiving meal. They had run into unexpected expenses after their soldier returned from deployment. Ken stepped in to pay for their groceries — under $20 total.

It bothered him that military families were unable to celebrate Thanksgiving with a good meal. That year, he pledged to help military families put food on the table during the holidays.

Currently, Holiday Meals for Military helps over 10,000 families in over 40 locations around the US. Meal kids include turkey, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, and veggies to feed a family of four.

Thanksgiving events end on November 17, but Operation We Are Here plans to host Christmas events in December. For more information, check out their Facebook page.

Sheep Dog Impact Assistance

Sheep Dog Impact Assistance offers a Thanksgiving meal program for the “sheep dogs” in our country. If you are currently serving, or have served, in the US military, with EMS, law enforcement, or fire and rescue, SDIA could help you have a happy holiday season.

The deadline to apply for SDIA’s Thanksgiving meal program is November 15.

The application requires proof of service, like a DD214 or other official document. SDIA also takes into account the number of people in your household, plus any dietary restrictions.

The goal is to provide families in need with complete Thanksgiving feasts on Turkey Day.

Armed Services YMCA

Each year, ASYMCA locations donate over 25,000 baskets of food to junior enlisted families in need during the holiday season.

Baskets may vary, but will likely include traditional Thanksgiving feast fixings.

To register for a basket, please visit your local ASYMCA.

Spirit of Sharing (S.O.S.)

Through their Adopt-a-Military-Family program, S.O.S. helps connect military families in need with resources to make the holiday season merry.

For families in need of assistance, S.O.S. accepts nominations of deserving families throughout the year into the Adopt-a-Military-Family program. Provide information about your family’s needs and military service through the online application to be considered for assistance in 2018.

Soldier’s Angels

Holding a festive holiday celebration when someone is deployed, missing, or your family is dealing with struggles can be hard. Soldiers’ Angels is here to help with their Adopt-a-Family holiday program.

Families must meet certain qualifying criteria to register. Once accepted, families are “adopted” by volunteers who aim to help them host a holiday to remember through donations and other assistance.

Other Local Organizations

For military families who will have trouble holding a Thanksgiving feast, there is also local help available.

Please reach out to the local branch of these organizations and services:

  • United Way: many branches offer community Thanksgiving meals and/or Thanksgiving baskets to low-income families
  • YMCA: some branches may offer Thanksgiving food assistance to families in need
  • Food Banks: many local and regional food bank groups offer additional food and assistance to families during the holiday season
  • Salvation Army: Salvation Army posts may offer community meals and/or holiday food assistance baskets to families in need
  • USO: some locations may host meals for military families or troops or use the USO to help get connected with other organizations that offer Thanksgiving food assistance programs
  • Veterans’ Service Organizations: your local VFW, American Legion, or similar groups may offer Thanksgiving assistance for families locally
  • Banks and Credit Unions: many local branches may offer, or know about, a program in your area that provides assistance
  • Grocery stores: many run food drives that are either independent from or connected with local food assistance organizations; contact a manager to learn more

Other Options for Food Assistance

For some families, that holiday budget might be tight but you might not quite qualify for food assistance programs. This holiday season, try these tips to bring things in under budget.

  • Coupons: Be extra savvy with your coupon clipping and look out for deals that give you bonus offers. The Commissary is currently running a coupon deal that nets you money off of a turkey when purchasing participating products with a particular coupon. Look for the circular in your mailbox or your local Commissary!
  • Potluck: Cut costs when you team up with other families for holiday feasts. Plan to split the costs of the turkey or another main course, then provide family-style sides and dessert to share.
  • Keep it small: Turkey might be traditional, but chicken can be a whole lot cheaper. Switch out your feast items for similar, but less costly, items. Use chicken instead of turkey, make homemade gravy, and consider reducing the number of sides to keep costs in check.

How do you keep your holiday meal budget in check? Share your cost cutting ideas, or places to seek assistance near your military base, in the comments!

 

Can You Still Vote Absentee in the Mid-term Elections?

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By Marguerite Cleveland

With the November, 2018 Election coming up it is nonstop coverage on local, national news and social media. Typically turnout for midterm elections is less than in a Presidential election year but 2018 could see record voting. There seems to be a lot more energy about voting this year. If you procrastinated, can you still vote absentee in the mid-term elections? The answer is maybe and is state specific. Here are a few tips and things you need to know to navigate the process.

  • Call or go into the Voting Assistance Office at the installation you are stationed at. They are very helpful and provide the following services: information on voter registration and the absentee ballot procedures, material on the voting process, how to request an absentee ballot and mailing the completed forms. Assistance is available to all uniformed service members and their eligible family members and some eligible civilians.
  • Visit the Federal Voting Assistance Program at www.FVAP.gov. Click on the tab for military voters. Then click on Voter Registration and Ballots. This will give you a map of the United States. Click on your state to find out the dates to request and mail in a ballot.
  • Will my absentee ballot be counted? According to www.Vote.org, “Yes, all votes are counted, whether they’re cast in-person or by absentee ballot.  It is a common misconception that absentee ballots are only counted during very tight races.  This misconception stems from two things: one, absentee ballots are often counted for days after the election since many are coming from abroad; two, absentee ballots are often a small percentage of all voted ballots.  Many elections have a clear winner, so the absentee ballots that are still being counted after election night don’t affect the results as predicted right after the polls close.  As absentee voting becomes more popular, however, an increasing number of elections are decided by absentee ballots.
  • Your home of record is where you came into the service. Your voting residence is the state on your LES for tax purposes. These may or may not be the same. When registering to vote; register for the state on your LES. Do not register to vote in the state you are stationed at! Registering to vote is one step to making that state your residence and if you are in a state that has state income tax it could have a big financial impact. Also be aware that your spouse does not automatically share the same voting residence. Refer to your Voting Assistance Office for help if you aren’t sure.

In the future, plan ahead so that you can vote in your state’s elections. When you PCS, make sure you update your address with your state. If you need to register to vote make sure you do so by the beginning of October which is the cutoff for some states. Your vote does count so make sure your voice is heard no matter where you currently live.

Marguerite Cleveland is a freelance writer who specializes in human interest and travel stories. She is a military brat, a veteran and now a military spouse.  Her military experience is vast as the daughter of a Navy man who served as an enlisted sailor and then Naval Officer. She served as an enlisted soldier in the reserves and on active duty, then as an Army Officer. She currently serves as a military spouse. She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and two sons. Visit her website www.WanderWordsWine.com

Honoring Our Veterans

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by Marguerite Cleveland

Confederated Tribes of Siletz Indians of Oregon Sets the Standard

Veteran suicide continues to be an appalling statistic with an average of 20 veterans committing suicide each day. One thing that many veterans miss when they return home is that sense of comradery and brotherhood they experienced while serving in the military and especially if they saw combat. For the past 15 years, the Confederated Tribes of Siletz Indians of Oregon have hosted a “Celebration of Honor” at the tribal owned Chinook Winds Casino Resort in Lincoln City, Oregon. This 5-day celebration brings together veterans and active duty military service members together to honor their service. The tribe has a long history of its members serving in the Armed Forces and there are Veterans from eras dating back to a senior member of the tribe, World War II Veteran Ed Ben. The tribe also provides space for personnel from the VA and veterans support groups which can help Veterans find assistance for medical, mental health or financial problems they may be experiencing.

The Field of Honor at sunset overlooking the Pacific Ocean at the Chinook Winds Casino. Photo credit: Marguerite Cleveland

One of the highlights of the event is the Field of Honor which is a stunning display of 1000 full size flags set up on the casino grounds overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The Veterans of Oregon, a nonprofit group has a dedicated cadre of volunteers committed to ensuring that the service and sacrifices of every Veteran will never be forgotten. They set up the Field of Honor at events throughout the state of Oregon. The group also presents an Honorable Service Medal, made in America to those who have served honorably in the Armed Forces. The medal is for residents of all states but must be presented in Oregon. During the course of the 5-day event, volunteers reach out to the Veterans and encourage them to apply for the medal with a simple application verifying their service. On the last day of the Celebration of Honor a medal ceremony is held. The moving event presents veterans with this medal honoring their service and it is very emotional for many.

The Oregon Wall of Honor and other military displays were set up on the casino grounds. It was so interesting to see Veterans connecting and sharing their stories. The Vietnam era Veterans are very involved with ensuring that what happened to them when they returned home does not happen again. Jesus Montes is a Veteran who served during WWII, Korea and Vietnam. “When I returned home from Vietnam, people threw trash and tomatoes and called me a ‘Baby Killer’,” he said. Montes volunteers with nine different Veterans groups. “I reach out to the younger guys because I know exactly what they are going through,” he added.  Montes suffered from PTSD and the effects of Agent Orange and found that seeking help made a world of difference for him.

World War II, Korea, and Vietnam Veteran Jesus Montes shares his story. Photo credit: Marguerite Cleveland

Veterans who are in crisis or having thoughts of suicide, and those who know a Veteran in crisis, should call the Veterans Crisis Line for confidential support 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year at 800-273-8255 and press 1, chat online at Veterans Crisis Online or send a text message to 838255.

Marguerite Cleveland is a freelance writer who specializes in human interest and travel stories. She is a military brat, a veteran and now a military spouse.  Her military experience is vast as the daughter of a Navy man who served as an enlisted sailor and then Naval Officer. She served as an enlisted soldier in the reserves and on active duty, then as an Army Officer. She currently serves as a military spouse. She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and two sons. Visit her website www.WanderWordsWine.com

 

How To Handle Deployment When You Have Children

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Being a military child can be very challenging. The deployment stage can be a difficult transition for them, which sometimes, may last a lifetime. But, through this unfortunate period, it’s not impossible for a child to be okay.

You might be wondering:

What are the ways I could prepare my child when the time comes?

Will they get used to it? Ever?

What will happen when my partner comes back?

It’s very important to remember that both children and parents need to work on this transition together. In this article, we’re breaking down the deployment transition at different ages.

Babies and Toddlers
Babies and Toddlers are quite young to comprehend this transition. Yet, they do feel things. So, here are some important points to bear in mind.
Babies
Dealing with babies can be a bit tough. If the deployment happens during their infancy, then there’ll be concerns about how the baby will adjust to the parent when they come back home.

Fear not, here are a couple of things you can do to prepare them while your partner is deployed:

● Photographs:
Show your baby photos of the absent parent. You can hang them around the baby’s room.
● Audio Clips:
Play recorded audio clips of their dad. They’ll be acquainted with his voice.
● Video Calls:
Use the internet! Skype! Seeing and hearing their dad/mom’s face and voice may affect the baby far more than you think.
● Scent:
Wrap your baby around with their absent parent’s clothes. Let your baby get used to the scent.

Even though babies are too young to process deployment, however, they’ll still notice the absence of one of their parents. Babies can feel their parent’s stress and anxiety.

They become ten times crankier when they sense it. So, it’s supremely important you stay calm and take good care of yourself first.

Toddlers
Toddlers can be a handful even if there is no deployed parent in the picture. It shouldn’t be too hard to imagine how they will behave when the parent IS deployed.

Unlike babies, toddlers can understand and remember things. They might not understand exactly what deployment is, but they’ll realize the absence of one of their parents. It’s a difficult conversation to have with a toddler.

It’s essential to sit with them before the deployment. Being in touch with them is also very important.

They need to be reassured that their deployed parent loves them immensely and will come back soon. Video calls, photographs, and messages go a long way for toddlers as well.

Kindergarten
A kindergarten going military kid can be a different type of challenge to handle altogether. At this age, kids usually already have formed an attachment with their deployed parent.

It can be stressful for the parent staying behind. Having to play the role of an absent father/mother is no mean feat.

All the special games they might have played together, all the secrets shared, and the behavioral patterns they have associated with the absent parent can be a lot to take in.

Thus, have a one-on-one with your child. Explain to them as clearly as possible that this is a temporary phase and that their deployed parent will be back. Encourage them to stay connected.

Here are a few ways that can be done:

● Letters or Emails – Encourage them to write a letter to their dad/mom. Help them type up an email if they can process it.

● Performance charts – Make a chart listing all their achievements. It can be a little achievement like playing a new game, learning to swim, etc.

It’s a knotty situation to be in. Disciplining them can be complicated, especially when they’re testing your patience. They’ll often be unruly and rebellious at this age.

Kids act out when they are unable to express themselves properly. Having your partner be active throughout the deployment stage can help your kids be more compliant.

Plan with your partner to send occasional gifts to keep the kids in line. It’ll be an incentive for them to be in their best behavior.

School Going Kids
School going kids know what deployment is. It’s likely they’ll friends whose parents are also being deployed. So they’ll have a mutual understanding of the situation.

For your kids to understand what deployment is wins you half the battle. The best thing you both can do is be open to your children. It’s vital you and your partner do this before and also during the stages of deployment.

The goal here is to make your children understand that you’re cooperating as much as you can. They need your support and love to work through this.

Be their rock during these tough times and try to answer whatever questions they throw at you as gently and as patiently as possible. Be honest about who their dad or mom is, what they do, where he/she might be, and why.

At this age, kids follow routines comfortably. Keeping the environment just as it was during the pre-deployment days can pacify the matter.

Let them do what they normally did and try not to change anything too much. It helps them have a healthier mindset and less bitter towards you or their deployed parent.

Final Thoughts
It can be overwhelming for both father/mother and child after he comes home. Your child will want to spend time with him/her constantly. Let’s face it, parents need time to adjust as well.

Children, however, don’t really understand this. It’ll help to make a list of things they’ll want to do with the deployed parent after he/she gets back. They can both go over the list and choose what they’ll do that day. This will help them realize their parent’s effort and love.

The most important thing you need to remember is that communication is key. For this transition to work, it’s essential both parents participate together. Patience and a whole lot of faith go a long, long way.

*This is a guest post sent to Military Shoppers by Shawn R.

Author Bio:

Stepheny is a content writer at FeedFond. Being a military spouse and an aspiring author, her life is like a jagged graph
-full of ups and downs! To read more of her articles, visit Feedfond.com.

What Will Your Forever Home Look Like?

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On her 30th move this military spouse’s forever home was unexpected.

By Marguerite Cleveland

After my 29th move, my husband and I began to seriously discuss where we wanted to live after retirement. This was surprisingly stressful for me because unlike most people I had literally moved every few years and sometimes twice in one year since I had been born. I had lived in so many amazing places the thought of just picking one and not moving again was quite scary to me.

The nice thing about moving so many times is that I had lived in everything from a tiny studio apartment to brand new homes built to our specifications. I lived in barracks rooms and historic mansions. Early on I envisioned my forever home to be one that was modern, upscale and large. Over the years, testing out all these homes and watching countless HGTV shows about renovating my vision changed. I knew I wanted an older home. They are just built better. We are soon to be empty nesters so we also wanted to downsize.

As we began our search we narrowed the location down pretty specifically to a small historic town near the base we currently lived at. Unfortunately we began shopping when it was a seller’s market with limited inventory and massive bidding wars. There were so few homes that we ended up putting in halfhearted offers on a few and were almost relieved when they were rejected. Then one day a home popped up. From the front it was very unassuming and looked like a squat log cabin. We almost didn’t look at it because we didn’t want the maintenance of a log cabin.

We decided to check it out during an open house. When I walked into the house and out onto the expansive deck with an incredible view of the Puget Sound, I knew I was home. I can only equate the feeling to what I felt when I found my wedding dress. I got pretty teary eyed I have to admit and tried to maintain my cool so the listing agent didn’t know how excited we were. The house was tiny but had enough room for our family and a large detached two car garage to hold all our stuff so we could downsize. It was at the top of our budget so we put in a lower than asking price knowing in this market we were unlikely to get the home. Much to our surprise, the counter offer was lower the asking price. We gladly accepted.

We have been in our forever home for three months now and it fits. Our big renovation plans are on hold as we discovered we are comfortable as is and don’t need more space. Downsizing fits us and it’s nice to know we are settled for retirement. Every time I step out on my deck and watch the sun set over the water I feel at home and finally after all those moves at peace.

What do you think your forever home will look like? Do you think your plans will change as the years go by? Whether big or small, you’ll know it’s the one because it will feel just right. Tell us your experience or thoughts in the comments down below.

 

Marguerite Cleveland is a freelance writer who specializes in human interest and travel stories. She is a military brat, a veteran and now a military spouse.  Her military experience is vast as the daughter of a Navy man who served as an enlisted sailor and then Naval Officer. She served as an enlisted soldier in the reserves and on active duty, then as an Army Officer. She currently serves as a military spouse. She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and two sons. Visit her website www.WanderWordsWine.com

 

I Give Up on a DIY Military Ball Look

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My hair was an absolute rat’s nest. I’d tried and failed, at no less than five different hairstyles. My locks had been straightened, curled and twisted to the breaking point.

It was also about 10 minutes before I needed to walk out the door for a military birthday ball.

I Give Up on a DIY Military Ball Look

From curly, poofy styles to sleek chignons, I’ve rocked a wide variety of hairdos over the years. My makeup has always been on-point. Across continents, climates and through late-stage pregnancies, I have successfully DIYed my military ball glamour. This year, I give up.

That’s how my friend found me. Standing in my Spanx and strapless bra, hair fried to a crisp, no makeup and a curling iron in each hand, I had tears running down my face. I also needed to breastfeed the baby.

You could say I was in a bit of a crisis.

Why I Have to Give Up on a DIY Military Ball Look

For the last decade, I’ve been a DIY military ball queen. I don’t make my own dress. That’s a bridge too far even for me. But I certainly do my own hair and makeup.

It’s been a smashing success, filled with lots of bobby pins and hairspray.

From curly, poofy styles to sleek chignons, I’ve rocked a wide variety of hairdos over the years. My makeup, while minimalist, has always been on-point, too. Across continents, climates and through late-stage pregnancies, I have successfully DIYed my military ball glamour.

This year, I give up.

I am finding other ways to look my best on military ball night.

It is not worth the amount of stress that I put myself through. Even the years that have turned out well were stressful. There is always the moment of panic. Suddenly, I’ll look in the mirror and realize that the ‘do I was trying for is miserably failing.

Or I notice, on my way out the door, that my eyeliner is really noticeably crooked.

Who could forget the year that I thought I left the curling iron on? I blame pregnancy brain for that one though.

Getting ready on the day of the military ball was much simpler before children were involved.

I could leisurely shower and shave in the hours before go-time. Lotion? Sure! It’ll have time to dry while I browse my shoe collection. Hair could be done again and again, maybe even totally shampooed for a freshly washed look.

With kids? I’m lucky to grab a 10-minute shower. Then, I’m feeding the baby some yogurt while answering the preschooler’s never-ending questions about life and attempting to apply foundation.

Oh, in the middle of all of that, I’ve also hunted down my husband’s extra stiff neck collar thingy and his cufflinks. They were exactly where he left them after the last military ball.

There simply isn’t the time for me to do my own hair or makeup in a way that approaches presentable. If I attempted it this year, I might wind up with the 4-year-old special: a bunch of pigtails, some random bows and lots of blue eyeshadow.

I’m dropping cash on one fancy night out.

In my world, this is the major date night event. We’ve got the sitter, glamorous outfits and we just might splurge on a taxi. This year might be crazy – we’ll get a hotel room for a truly immersive ball experience.

All of that costs cash.

It’s also only one night a year and I’m going to live it up. For my family, adding the cost of professional hair or makeup is not a budget buster. The cost of dry cleaning his dress blues to destroy lingering cigar odors will be pricey than my trip to the hair stylist.

While the military birthday ball is totally his night, it’s also my night on the town too. I want to look and feel good. I don’t want to find dried baby food in my hair.

Being able to spend some time getting my hair done also means that we won’t be rushing out of the house at the last minute. I won’t be hastily trying to shove my hair into a giant sock bun with 30 seconds to go. No more lipstick applications in the car either.

Maybe this year, I’ll be able to eat a little something before we go. Perhaps I’ll remember to sneak a few packs of fruit snacks into my clutch too. Those guest speaker comments can be rather long-winded and I’m used to eating at 5:30 pm.

Saving the money by doing my own hair and makeup isn’t worth the stress and aggravation anymore. Maybe it would be a different story if my hair was easy to work with or I was less picky. But it’s not and I’m not.

I refuse to be crying in my Spanx 5 minutes before we need to leave for the military birthday ball again.

After she finished laughing, my friend revealed that she was also not ready to go. We managed to pull our hair back into big buns and slapped on some mascara. Luckily, my tears had only managed to give me a dewy fresh glow and not puffy red eyes.

Once we slid into the car, we both solemnly swore that 2017 was the very last time that we would ever attempt to DIY hair and makeup for the ball.

From now on, at least one thing is going to be handled by a professional.

Really, it’s for our mental health. And so that our husbands will stop their anxious pacing and watch checking.

Do you get your hair done professionally or do you DIY before a military ball?

Do Military Wives Feel Threatened by Female Service Members?

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I recently read an open letter from a military spouse. In this open letter this military wife unleashes all of her emotions about how she feels about women who serve in the military, how she thinks female service members feel about military wives and how these two group treat each other.

She clearly feels threatened by female service members and blames men for making her feel that way.

Do Military Wives Feel Threatened by Female Service Members?

I do not feel threatened by female service members. I’m impressed by them.

That’s what her letter comes down to or that’s what I’ve taken away from the read.

Initially I didn’t want to read the entire article, which is not like me at all. The executive editor pleaded with the readers in her foreword to read all the way to the end though, so I did.

The beginning mostly sounds like the whiny rant of a young military spouse.

That’s why I didn’t want to read further, but I did and I thought about what she said.

I Don’t Feel Threatened by Anyone

I certainly don’t feel threatened by anyone. Why would I?

Apparently, there are military wives that do or this letter wouldn’t have been written. I have been part of military life my entire life. Both of my parents were in the Army and my husband is in the Navy.

My husband does not serve on a ship. He serves in a small community that’s different from fleet Navy. There are a small number of female service members in this field. I do not feel threatened by them.

I’m impressed by them. Being a service member is a really tough job. It’s especially hard for a female. I think it’s amazing that these women are physically able to do the things that are required by this job.

I Feel Like Fighting on Behalf of Female Service Members

It takes an emotionally strong woman to be in a male-dominated field.

I hear what some of the men say about the female service members.

They don’t think they belong in the military.

They think they aren’t good enough.

And no matter how hard they work they won’t cut it in their minds.

Unlike the author of that open letter who wants to soak up every bit of that kind of conversation, I feel like fighting on behalf of the female service member.

The Relationship Between Military Wives and Female Service Members Is Complicated

I mentioned this open letter to a few military wives that have husbands serving on ships. They completely agreed with the author of that letter.

They relayed tales of male service members being kicked off ships for sleeping with female service members, of people cheating on their spouses while at sea and how female service members are a distraction to the mission.

They feel threatened by their presence.

Likewise, female service members taunt military wives for being overweight, lazy and unambitious.

They feel that military wives use their spouses’ rank to get their way.

They feel that military wives make up things to get them off ships.

It’s a pretty rough relationship between military wives and female service members.

Some of these situations are based off real events, but not all military wives fit this description and not all female service members act this way.

I’ve heard of these stereotypes but have never faced these situations, nor did I know it was such a big problem. I’m sure there are plenty more military wives and female service members that have experience with this.

Are you a military wife who feels threatened by the female service members that your husband works with? Are you a female service member who isn’t respected by your co-workers’ spouses? Share your story in the comments section.

Is Technology Killing the Romance of Deployments?

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Romance is dead!

Technology killed it.

Is Technology Killing the Romance of Deployments?

I miss the low-tech deployments. My husband and I would write each other letters and it was a treat to talk on the phone for 15 minutes.

Gone are the days when people gradually got to know one and another one date at a time. The slow and steady pace of forming a serious relationship has been replaced by search engines, dating apps and social media.

The death of romance is evident in the evolution of technology during deployments.

Before you all start leaving passionate comments about how technology is the source of all romance in your relationships, please hear my experience (which by no means is a reflection or condemnation on your relationship).

Technology Has Invaded Our Deployments

Technology has invaded every aspect of our lives. It is in our cars, homes and schools. We can monitor pets through video, turn lights on and off with a simple command and even adjust the room’s temperature from the comfort of our beds. I admit these are conveniences I enjoy, but I believe technology has made us less connected and allowed us to be less engaged with one another.

During my husband’s first deployment, more than 10 years ago, we would write letters, usually describing our day but mostly expressing our love, our hopes for the future and dreams of our reunion.

Occasionally we were able to speak on the phone. This was a special gift usually delivered in pre-dawn hours. Our calls would only last 15 minutes (if we were lucky) then the operator would break in to inform us our time was limited, in those days I came to hate her.

My husband would wait in line for hours after pulling 24-hour duty for a 15-minute conversation. That dedication, my friends, is romance.

Skype, FaceTime and Facebook Live were not yet invented so the only image of your spouse would be in your thoughts, unless you were lucky enough to catch a glimpse of him in the unit’s newsletter. I can remember holding tight to pictures, trying desperately to remember his face, his eyes and his smile.

I Hoped I Would Recognize Him at His Homecoming

Anticipation for the moment we would lay eyes on each other for the first time in a year would build as the deployment days counted down.

I will never forget our reunions in those early days. Standing on a parade field, feeling my heart pound out of my chest. The buses came rolling by, my breathe trapped in my lungs.

The moment of our homecoming had come.

The band began to play as hundreds of soldiers marching through the trees.

Tears welled in my eyes.

Pride swelled my heart.

I stood for what seemed like hours, searching for his face, hoping I would recognize him after such a long time apart. Then like a fairytale, there he was standing before me, and just like that all was complete in my world.

I Miss the Letter-Writing Deployments When I Believe We Were Truly Able to Miss Each Other

Don’t misunderstand, I appreciate technology. I appreciate the ability to call or text my spouse when I need him, like when I feel defeated by our lawn equipment.

Is Technology Killing the Romance of Deployments?

I believe that technology is killing the romance of deployments.

I appreciate the opportunity for him to watch his children grow even when he’s far away.

But I do miss the low-tech days, when I believe we were truly able to miss each other, to go days, weeks and even months without contact. This time allowed us to appreciate the time we do get together and not take a moment of it for granted.

To this day, we still write letters when my husband is deployed and have only Skyped a few times during a deployment.

I know that seems crazy to most military couples, but it has worked for us for over 15 years.

Do you think technology has helped or harmed romance?

Military Families Face Insane Pet Shipping Issues, Costs

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“It’s going to cost how much?!”

Clearly, the high cost of shipping our dog, Winston, back to the States was written all over my face. My husband took one look at me and muttered, “I don’t even want to know.”

We’re at that proverbial rock and a hard place right now, as we stare down the barrel of an imminent 2019 PCS. Beyond just the stress of moving, we’re also looking at dropping thousands of dollars to ship a 17-pound mini schnauzer from Japan to the East Coast.

And we don’t really have a choice in the matter.

Moving overseas was decided for us. Bringing Winston with us was a given. He’s family, after all. Two years ago, the costs weren’t quite so high.

As of right now, all of the programs and rules we used to keep costs low have gone away or been totally revamped. Everything is going to cost at least double from our last PCS.

Military Families Face Insane Pet Shipping Costs and Issues

Let’s break down exactly what’s happening, resources for military families and what you can do to change the system.

Moving OCONUS

Moving overseas with pets is incredibly stressful. Just the quarantine process alone is daunting.

On top of months of vaccinations and isolation, military families are also looking at increasingly limited options for moving with their pets. Almost all of these come with skyrocketing costs and hoops to jump through.

Here are your shipping or flying choices:

Patriot Express: This is the cheapest and easiest option by far. It is also the most difficult to book.

With the Patriot Express, your pet would be flying with you on your military flight to your OCONUS destination. Rates vary based on weight and species but are significantly cheaper than commercial rates.

Getting a spot on the Patriot Express is not guaranteed.

Each service books these flights within different time windows based on projected departure dates. However, all pet spots for a given month are released at once and are booked first-come, first-served. There are typically three in-cabin spots and 10 cargo spots per flight.

This could mean that all spots on your flight are claimed before you are even allowed to book your human seats.

Commercial Cargo: Shipping your pet as cargo is pricier and limited by international shipping laws. Right now, United, American and Delta all offer some form of CONUS and OCONUS pet shipping programs.

Commercial cargo is usually for pets that will not be on the same flight as their owners.

Per new regulations, all three airlines now require that a professional registered pet shipping service serves as a middleman.

There are also regulations about temperature, breed and kennel size and weight.

Military Families Face Insane Pet Shipping Issues, Costs

Did you know that many pet shipping companies offer military discounts?

In-Cabin Pets: Most airlines allow animals to be transported as carry-on baggage. United, American and Delta all allow pets to be transported in the cabin to many destinations. This option is limited based on breed or species, size and weight.

But not all international destinations will allow in-cabin pet transport. For example, Japan requires that all pets be carried in the cargo area.

Checked Baggage: All three major carriers offer some form of checked baggage option for pets. American, United and Delta all have rules that limit the length of flights and destinations, as well as other regulations put in place for pet safety.

United does have some special rules that apply to military troops traveling on orders, but there are still limitations.

Pet Shipping Service: You can hand over control by using a professional pet shipping service. There are many companies that cater to military families moving CONUS and OCONUS.

Some pet shipping services specialize by destination or route(s), others are more general. These services are required for certain cargo or baggage categories. All services will offer different package options. They will charge a service fee beyond your pet’s airfare or airline cost.

Many military families opt to use a pet shipping service from the start to decrease stress.

Fly on Non-U.S. Flag Airlines: Some airlines from other nations offer pet shipping options with greater flexibility than U.S. airlines. If you are interested in flying with a non-US airline, it is best to individually research each airline to find one that meets your needs.

Costs will vary widely and may be more expensive than transportation via Patriot Express or U.S.-based airlines.

A Word About Guam

Currently, United Airlines is the only U.S. airline that serves Guam. There are some spots on the Patriot Express. United’s pet transport policy prohibits pet travel between Hawaii and Guam, but does accept pets going from/to other locations.

Some foreign airlines do serve Guam as well, but not all offer animal transportation services.

Timing Is Important

Space on the Patriot Express is extremely limited and should not be considered a “given” for any military family moving pets overseas.

If this is your only option financially and logistically, you need to act with intention as early as possible. Let your PCS coordinator know your pet transportation needs as soon as you can. Then, act quickly to expedite all necessary paperwork and clearances prior to your flight window opening.

Even acting quickly on your end doesn’t mean the military will feel the same sense of urgency. In this case, it’s best to stay in close contact with your PCS coordinator. If you missed out on a pet spot on your Patriot Express flight, call often to inquire about canceled reservations or request that your name is put on the waiting list for the next available pet spot.

If you are fairly certain that you either don’t want to gamble on a Patriot Express flight or won’t secure one, contracting with a private shipping company is typically your only option. It is now an across-the-board regulation that pets being shipped as cargo be handled by a member of the International Pet and Animal Transportation Association.

These companies will work with your chosen airline to fly your pet to your next duty station.

Different companies offer different options. Some have all-inclusive packages that handle every step of the process from veterinary appointments to arriving at your new home. Others will handle flights only, with accompanied and unaccompanied options.

Many pet shipping companies offer military discounts.

However, due to the increased needs of the military community, spots might fill quickly for professional transportation services. If this seems to be your best or more reliable option, it is advised to contact one or more transport companies as soon as possible. Ask them about their packages, pricing and military discounts. You might also inquire about references and track record for animal safety.

Let Your Voice Be Heard

Over the last year, as changes to pet shipping policies on commercial airlines rolled out, there have been various grassroots campaigns in the military community.

Several appeals for experiences and concerns to be shared have been posted in USMC and mixed-services groups. A local Okinawa Facebook group has been a point of contact for many military families located there to voice concerns and share their opinions. Concerns about the pet shipping policy, the system for releasing Patriot Express pet spots and other issues have all been raised through senior spouse points of contact over the last 18 months.

Troops and families can also voice their opinions via the ICE system or contact the Inspector General for further guidance.

We Can’t Afford to Take Our Pet

It can be hard to come up with possibly thousands of dollars to ship your pet around the world. The SPCA International sees this increasing need in the military community and has got your six.

Operation Military Pets aims to provide military families with grants to help cover part or all of their pet shipping costs related to PCSing. There is an application process and not all applicants will be accepted. Award amounts vary based on need and documentation.

If you are simply not able to cover the cost or handle the logistics, it’s important to keep your pet’s safety and comfort in mind.

The best option might be to temporarily rehome your pet with a close friend or family member for the duration of your overseas tour. If this is the case, be sure to get a power of attorney for the length of your tour or otherwise write down the terms of your agreement. Set aside money to cover the costs of your pet’s regular expenses, like medical care or food costs.

Another option might be to use a fostering service, like Dogs on Deployment or PACT for Animals. These organizations can help military families find suitable foster homes for various lengths of time.

As a final option, you might consider rehoming your pet permanently. You can do this yourself through social media and online advertising. You could also use a rehoming service to find your animal’s new family. As a final option, you might consider doing an owner-surrender at a local no-kill animal shelter.

PCSing OCONUS with Your Pet

PCSing OCONUS with your pet is going to be costly and complicated. There is not really any way to avoid that reality.

If you anticipate a possible OCONUS move in the future, start saving and planning now. We are already setting aside money to ship Winston stateside next spring. It’s going to be expensive, but having my battle buddy with me will be worth every penny!

Are you impacted by the pet shipping restrictions from United Airlines? Share your story in the comments section.

Do I Want My Daughters to Join the Army? It’s Complicated

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by Eric Gardner, Guest Contributor

Our lives as military spouses are filled with countless decisions. As a fourth-generation veteran I understand I have a tendency to overthink certain areas of life.

One of them being – will my children wear the uniform in the future?

Now I’ve still got a bit before anything happens. My oldest is gracing the halls of middle school this year. However, I know full well how fast time can pass and before I know it my beautiful little girls will be empowered, driven young women.

Will I want my daughters to join the military of the future? To be honest the verdict is still out.

Now before this gets taken out of context, let me explain. There are some terrific life lessons that can be gained through military service.

The first one that comes to mind is making friends quickly. All military brats and active duty service members have that quality which has been honed through countless PCSes. A social grace that allows them to blend into any group and find connections that might be lost in other civilian professions.

Another lesson of military service is you learn the importance of family. Our families are the only constant we often have. Regardless of where the military takes you, your family being by your side can make your military installation feel like home.

And last but not least is developing a unique empathy that few outside the service can match. It’s one thing to see the sights of a host nation or port of call. It’s another to make friends with the locals and see the world from their point of view.

Do I Want My Daughters to Join the Army? It's Complicated

As I plot and plan for the future there is one thing I know I have no control over – my daughter’s decision to join the Army.

I sincerely hope that my wife and I are good stewards of the impression the Army makes on our girls. Not that everything is easy. Far from it, we want to ensure that our kids see that military life is passionate, full of adventure and challenging. The later part being what makes the journey worthwhile.

Now before you think I’ve got my dad blinders on, let me say just a little about the methodology to this train of thought. The one thing that I can’t stop is time. Whether it’s after high school or college or somewhere in-between my kiddos are going to have to take their own steps out into society. Their unique signature on the world will only be limited or enhanced by their experiences and imagination.

When I graduated from college to join the Army, there was a tremendous amount of uncertainty. I considered myself lucky in that while my peers felt a similar apprehension about the unknown at their new jobs, they had suffered additional stress of finding their place of employment in their field of study. My classmates weren’t exactly sure how long their positions would be available at their new offices.

I, on the other hand, had a guaranteed eight years of job security.

I think we can all agree that everything has tradeoffs. I know for a fact that my parents — my mother specifically —  didn’t enjoy my time at Ranger School. So many things could have gone wrong, from a simple failed exercise to a catastrophic accident. I’m fairly certain my guaranteed employment wasn’t at the top of either of my parents’ thoughts during the years of airborne operations at Fort Bragg.

As I began to excel as a soldier, I could see the joy my successes brought to them. Some of their excitement was a validation that their sacrifices during my childhood allowed me to positively stand out and that my future held so many possibilities.

The military isn’t forever. Even if you do 30 years there are still many chapters of our lives to write. As a starting point, the Army alone has 150 career paths. Finding a passion with so many choices is a high probability.

Even it’s only for a few years, there is so much to gain from military service.

Promotions can be expected. Equality is something everyone believes in. You get paid vacation from day one. You and your family have access to health care and you have the opportunity to see the world.

Now there will always be disadvantages and they do carry a lot of weight. There are the long hours, often hazardous duty accompanying most career fields, the stressors placed on the family, and the nomadic lifestyle is oftentimes hard to adjust to.

Yet as I plot and plan for the future there is one thing I know I will have no control over – my daughter’s decision.

To say the military isn’t for everyone is putting it mildly. A 1% sampling of the population volunteering to serve has so many demands placed on it that you need to want to be there. As with all paths of life there will be highs and lows, however the added element of extreme risk can produce some very hard days.

This is why the jury is still out. My wife and I won’t promote or discourage the military lifestyle. Our girls have a brief glimpse of what service life is like from being Army brats.

As a former brat and veteran, I know how little I understood going in. Yet that was OK because I wanted to be there. It’s not necessary that I need my children to do this.

I want them to be vested in their passions.

I want them to excel in whatever profession they choose.

And above all else I want them to be excited about their future.

While I’ve said it’s their decision I have to admit, having them be part of five consecutive generations of military members would make me smile. However, wanting them to thrive in a career they are passionate about is what would make me most proud.

Do you want your children to follow in your footsteps and join the Army? Why or why not?

Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father's footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father’s footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Since the end of his wartime service he has shifted gears and is now a stay-at-home father. In his role as an active duty Army spouse, he has become an author. As the creator of the XIII Legion Series he has enjoyed great success, and enjoys meeting other entrepreneurial spouses as well as fellow authors. You can see more from Eric Gardner at his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/thirteenthlegion.series, and http://www.facebook.com/XIIILGN or follow him via Twitter @13thLegion.