In every single military spouse group, members are constantly discussing Tricare. The ups, the downs and the best tips to make it work for you.

What’s the Deal with Tricare? Common Issues that Every Military Family Might See

Almost every family will run into the same common issues if you spend any time at all dealing with Tricare, MTFs and even civilian in-network providers.

Which Plan Do I Pick?

The first question every military spouse and family encounters is about which plan is best for them.

• Prime: the entirely free (yes, free) plan requires families to default to on-base military treatment facilities (MTFs) and pharmacies, with off-base providers being used when on-base clinics are full. Off-base pharmacies can be used at your discretion, but with a co-pay for medications.
• Select: this works more like a traditional civilian insurance plan, with deductibles and co-pays. But you can see any in-network provider, usually without a referral! However, you may need to pay for services up-front and file a claim for reimbursement later.
• US Family Health Plan: only available in certain areas of the US. Operates like Prime, but with civilian providers. You are not able to access care or the pharmacy on-base, except in the case of an emergency. Referrals for specialty care is provided and there are co-pays for prescriptions and some specialty care.
• Prime Remote: the same exact plan as Prime, but offered to families who live 50 or more miles from an MTF. You’ll see civilian doctors at little to no cost to you.
• Prime Overseas: it’s Prime, but overseas! Get your care on your local military base and grab prescriptions from the military pharmacy. You won’t notice any changes in care, other than your physical location!
• Select Overseas: it’s Select, just overseas! You’ll be able to see providers of your choice, with co-pays and without referrals. Be prepared to pay for services up-front and file claims later. These will be local providers, so there may be a language barrier.
• Prime Remote Overseas: for families located OCONUS but far from an MTF, Prime Remote Overseas is for you! Your care will be managed and coordinated via the contractor’s regional call center.

All plans require enrollment. You can compare the plans before you make your selection.

How Do I Find a Doctor on Prime or USFHP?

Before you enroll, you can check to see where the in-network providers are located. You can read reviews and compare practice specialties.

Pick your PCM (primary care manager) based on your own criteria!

Once you’re enrolled, start seeing the doctor of your choice by coordinating with the Tricare representative and the office.

Where Do I Go In an Emergency?

For something that simply cannot wait, go to the closest ER. Even if it’s not an MTF or in-network provider, just go. Call Tricare or your plan provider network to notify them of your location. This will help them to process any resulting claims.

For anything that is not emergent, you can visit an urgent care clinic. Check the “find a doctor” options available specific to your plan.

Ugh, My Doctor Spends Zero Time with Me

Got a doc who’s in and out ASAP? Make the most of your time and come prepared to get to the heart of the matter.

Bring a list of your top questions and concerns with you. Then go down the list. Having your stuff prioritized means that you can make every second count.

If the limited time is impacting your care or you feel like you’re not being listened to, send a complaint. This helps the powers that be track and address issues within their system. Another option is to ICE the actual facility or doctor you’re working with. This is usually available on your MTFs website.

I Don’t Love My Care Provider

Good news, you can switch providers at any time. Send the request through the Tricare system or call to speak to an operator. You don’t need to give an explanation either.

What If I Want to Switch Plans?

You can change your plan once a year, during the enrollment period in the fall. All other times are off-limits, unless you experience a qualifying life event.

Waiting for Meds Takes Forever

If you’re using the military’s pharmacy, the wait for medication can be long. That’s because active duty troops in uniform get first priority. And because the meds are free, many pharmacies get swamped with prescriptions.

If you’d like to keep using the free pharmacy, go early. There is typically a shorter wait time first thing in the morning. Or scope out your location by visiting and doing recon at different times of the day.

Another choice is to take your prescriptions to an off-base, in-network pharmacy. You’ll be paying a co-pay, but also not waiting.

Finally, you can go mail order. For a co-pay, your routine medication will arrive at your door on a regular schedule.

I’m Not Getting the Care I Need

First, request that second opinion. Then file all the grievances and ICE complaints possible. Let them know you’re upset and detail the reasons why.

Follow up your complaints with in-person visits to the hospital/MTF administrator or care manager. Be ready to explain your concerns calmly and detail the optimal resolution(s).

Remember, you can always switch your PCM at any time. Try that and see if your level of care changes.

Keep requesting to see any specialists you think you need to get a handle on your issue.

And when the next enrollment period swings around, don’t be afraid to change plans entirely.

Mostly, just keep sharing your concerns and be ready to take action in order to get the care you deserve.

How Do I Make Sure My Doctors Follow My Wishes?

Good news, you’re not supposed to get care or treatments without your consent. If you have concerns or questions about a medication, vaccine or procedure, call a halt and start asking your questions!

Ask about alternatives to the initial proposal and why these may or may not be recommended.

While the doctors and nurses are the professionals, you’re the expert in yourself and your kids. Don’t be afraid to take a stand when it matters!

What Are My Recourse Options If Things Go Really Wrong?

First, there is the complaint and grievance procedure. Start there and see where you get.

If they’re not budging, push harder. While the Feres Doctrine bars active duty troops from suing the federal government over medical malpractice, it doesn’t appear to extend to military dependents. Bringing a lawsuit is always a possibility, albeit a very expensive option.

What are your thoughts about Tricare or other military healthcare plans? Sound off in the comments!

I get the intent behind the rank-based limitations on MyCAA, the program that helps underwrite college courses, as well as certification and licensure programs. Truly, I do.

But it still kind of, sort of bothers me. There’s an implication of resources here that just isn’t right.

Why Can’t Senior Spouses Access MyCAA?

Again, I get it. MyCAA is meant to help military spouses of junior enlisted and newly commissioned troops access higher education. I’m totally behind this! I remember what those early days were like and just how tight money really was at the time. And while we are not rich by any stretch, honestly, we had it better than many of our peers financially.

Still, as a new(er) spouse, MyCAA was attractive. I just barely qualified based on my husband’s rank. Like by the skin of my teeth qualified. I was so pumped.

Then the plug was (temporarily) pulled as financing and bureaucratic issues were finagled behind the scenes. So my account was there, I just couldn’t do anything with the money. By the time everything was active again, my spouse had moved up and I no longer qualified.

Higher Rank Doesn’t Always Mean More Financial Resources

I’m sure the intent behind limiting MyCAA to spouses associated with certain ranks was well-intentioned. After all, money doesn’t grow on trees and MyCAA certainly doesn’t have enough funds to cover $4000 for every single active duty military spouse out there.

But limiting this program based on rank instead of true financial need implies that mid to senior level troops and families always have their accounts in order. Experience tells me that this is often not the case. Senior enlisted personnel and officers are vulnerable to financial missteps and issues, just like those lower on the totem pole.

Money issues could have been cleverly disguised through carefully balanced credit card juggling or other smoke-and-mirrors deception. You would never know, unless you’re in it, that the house load of new furniture was purchased using an almost maxed-out credit card. Or that a senior level family is living paycheck to paycheck.

Many senior enlisted personnel and officers do live this way.

But the implication of MyCAA is that they shouldn’t need extra financial help. They should be totally fine floating the cash or taking out a loan for the non-serving spouse’s higher education, licensure or certification.

Higher Rank Doesn’t Always Mean Advanced Careers or Degrees

The other troubling implication is that senior spouses should have already achieved the types of credentialing, licensure or education MyCAA supports. On the flip side, by targeting junior spouses it could also imply that this community is not as educated.

Neither implication is 100% true, but that niggling feeling of a nugget of truth is still there.

It feels like, as a senior spouse, I should absolutely have achieved XYZ degree, certification or licensure by now. And if I haven’t done so, I should have the financial flexibility to pay or borrow for it.

Just like being married to a PFC doesn’t mean a lack of higher education, being married to a Gunny or a Major doesn’t mean that it’s been achieved.

Limiting access to MyCAA based on rank makes it seem as though the community of senior spouses ought to have put this check in the box. “You’re senior, therefore you don’t need help to achieve your next career step.”

Limiting MyCAA Limits MilSpouse Dreams

Again, I get the intent: help the spouses of junior personnel who are more likely to have less financial resources and fewer opportunities to access higher education or career programs.

Totally, 100% back this train of thought. It’s great and totally altruistic and super helpful.

But what about the spouse who married their service member later in life? What about the mid-level officer spouse who has tried to make finances work on just one salary, when more is expected of the service member at work?

Limiting MyCAA based on rank instead of (or leaving out) true financial need is hindering military spouses from achieving their dreams. That mid-career spouse might be desperately needing to go back to school, to get a certification or license, in order to help boost the family financially. Yeah, looking at the service member’s rank might make it seem like they’ve got it all in the bag: money, career, family, life. But that rank might be hiding the money troubles or desire to start a career.

Having MyCAA open, in a limited fashion, to spouses of higher ranking troops might go a long way to fixing or alleviating the well-known spouse unemployment issues. More spouses would be able to access needed funds, based on true financial need, in order to help their military family get ahead.

And helping military spouses get ahead in their own careers is supposed to be the entire point of MyCAA. Except that it’s missing a major chunk of spouses in need.

Do you think MyCAA could use a few tweaks or changes? Sound off in the comments!

It’s over. Done. Finito. Now, it’s just about getting the whole family together again, finally. All that’s left is the hugs and kisses. But who gets that first homecoming hug?

Honestly, this is a huge topic of controversy for military families, especially parents and spouses. Everyone seems to want that “first” contact after deployment is finished, but there can only be one.

Deciding Who Gets the First Homecoming Hug

There are some serious familial politics at play. No matter what, it seems like someone might walk away with hurt feelings.

Let’s break it on down to make your next homecoming super simple! All these scenarios assume that parents and/or extended family will be present along with the service member’s significant other and kids.

Single Service Member

This one is a no-brainer: parents get the first hug! When a service member arrives back from deployment, they might be the only ones there to provide a welcome.

After parents, if necessary, move down through siblings to extended family, then friends.

A single service member coming with no significant other is so simple.

Dating or Engaged Service Member

This is where the family politics come into play, with parents often butting head with significant others. Which means that everyone is going to need to communicate clearly, openly and honestly. Mostly, it comes down to service member preference: parents or significant other.

If Mom and Dad get the first hug, the significant other should obviously get the second. And vice versa.

That said, if the service member is in a long term serious committed relationship or is engaged, the significant other should take preference. they’ve moved into the “spouse” role (see below).

Either way, talk as a family and a couple before homecoming to be super clear about what’s happening and why.

There are no losers here: the service member is home.

Married Service Member, No Kids

Hey parents, in this case, back off the first hug urge. I get that this is your baby, coming home after months away. But you’ve also been somewhat removed from the stress of this deployment.

Your grown child’s spouse has been holding it down at home, dealing with the absence of their loved one for months on end. They’ve done the bills, handled household emergencies and been super involved with the FRG.

Mom and Dad, grab that second hug and savor it!

Married Service Member, Kids

Everyone hold on, because the kids get first dibs here! Their world has been rocked by their parent’s absence. Plus, they probably look pretty sweet in those special homecoming outfits.

Get out of their way, they’re getting their parent!

After the kids get scooped up, the spouse should be next in line for a hug and kiss. There might be a big family hug worked in here, too.

If anyone else is around, work down the line: parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and then friends.

Why Are We Even Talking About This?

Okay, yes, it might seem pretty basic. There’s an order and preference for who gets that first hug that should be pretty intuitive: kids, spouse/significant other, parents, others.

But we wouldn’t be having this discussion if there weren’t pretty widespread issues around homecomings. Especially when it comes to a mom wanting the first hug over anyone and everyone else, including the kids.

There have been cases of parents literally racing a spouse to get the first hug. Other reports of parents, especially mothers, hugging and not letting go have also trickled down through the ranks.

Let’s be clear: unless the service member says otherwise or they simply aren’t in the picture, homecoming first hugs are for spouses and kids. Mom, sorry, this isn’t your show anymore. Your child is grown, even if it’s hard to imagine. Their spouse and their kids have born the brunt of this deployment and they get first dibs on hugs or kisses.

Other Homecoming Related Concerns & Issues

Homecoming seems to be a topic of much discussion and lots of stress. And it mostly falls on the military spouse to handle the load of planning, inviting and prepping for this glorious day.

So, in case you were wondering, here are some things you might want to think about as the service member, military parent or extended family.

Returning Service Member

Stick to the plan, no deviations. Seriously. Don’t need to run a quick errand real fast. There are no rides offered or shuttling services provided before, during or after your homecoming.

Don’t do it.

Your spouse, kids and/or parents just want to get you home.

Remember that your spouse and/or parents have likely spent some time getting the house spotless for your return. Dropping your gear in a messy pile in the living room might ruffle some feathers. Definitely find a drop-spot, but keep things out of the way until you can sort them properly.

Other than this, it’s your day! Take a nap, pop a cold one and chow down!

Out-of-Town Visitors

This is sensitive. You want to welcome your hero home, but also want to avoid stepping on any toes. Which means that you need to wait for an invite, preferably from the spouse.

Don’t invite yourself. There might be other factors at play here which would make your presence intrusive.

By all means, come if you’re invited though. But rent a car and get a hotel. your loved one and his/her spouse. If you opt to stay with them, things might get awkward. After all, it’s been a long deployment.

How do you handle homecoming politics? We’d love to get your best advice!

We’ve entered, or maybe have been in for a while, a unique space for military families, spouses specifically. It’s the land of discounts, freebies and entitlements.

Yup, it’s time for us to talk about all the stuff we get for free. But more than that, it’s long overdue that our community talks about just how much this system of “for free” has impacted us overall.

Don’t You Offer a Military Discount or Freebie?

Now, look, I’m the very last person you’ll hear complain about military discounts, included benefits or support programs. I’ve happily used TriCare insurance and military treatment facilities for over a decade. Saving those few dollars on shoes or Disney tickets is kind of sweet, too. Plus, it’s a boon to our community that there are support programs, like EFMP or MFLC, available to us.

Because, let’s face it, no service member is in this life to get rich – quick or otherwise. There are sacrifices to be made, and we all make them regularly and willingly.

I appreciate all of the amazing benefits, like those discounts and that healthcare and all the support organizations, because I use them regularly. I’m not, 100% not ever, suggesting that we get rid of them. They’re needed, deeply truly needed, by our community.

But we’re not entitled to them. We don’t just get them because of our affiliation with the DoD.

We Need to Check Our Entitlement to More

So, in case you’re unaware, part of military spouse life in this generation is being pretty active on social media. Yup, I’m talking about Facebook and Twitter.

Inside of those social spaces, various groups have sprung up over the years. Some are for the military community generally and others are just for military spouses. There are even some that are branch, rank or base-specific. Guess what? I’m in a fair few of them.

And sometimes, what I’m seeing from our community bugs me.

“They don’t offer a military discount or upgrade”

Again, let me say, I get that the budget is tight and every little bit counts. But come on, guys, it’s getting a bit extreme.

Did you know, the other week, I saw a rant, a full-on diatribe, about how suchandsuch an airline wasn’t extending no-fee baggage for active military to the non-serving spouse? Yeah, no, that’s a thing I saw. And it’s not even the first time. Try more like the thousandth time for that particular rant.

There are folks who get all up in arms about stores or tourist attractions who have certain rules about applying military discounts. I’ve even seen small business owners, members of the military spouse community, told that they ought to be giving away their products or services for free.

Why? Great question.

“Because you’re one of us and you need to support your own.”

Yeah. Okay. I don’t think giving away homemade soaps or hours of tutoring pays the bills, Brenda.

What’s grinding my gears is the notion, clearly not held by every military member or spouse, that discounts and freebies should be happening no matter what. That the non-serving spouse should get that free baggage for a pleasure trip to Las Vegas just the same as the AD service member on orders. Or that a military spouse who tutors should be providing free services to her neighbors just because “military discount.”

When did we get so entitled? Why are we expecting to get discounts and freebies from everyone and everything?

And why, oh why, are we getting mad about instances when those things aren’t happening?

Are We Insulated & Entitled?

Everyone walks their own roads, fights their own battles and gets through the day the best they can. Honestly, I get that.

But what else am I to think when I see people throwing virtual (and sometimes in real life) fits about not getting their “deserved” discount? What am I to think when I read (and sometimes have to listen to in real life) rants about suchandsuch business should be ashamed because of their lack of or minimal military discount?

Really, stop and think about it.

We are entitled to nothing from no one. Not one single business has to offer military troops or families a discount. Just like they don’t need to offer one to first responders or teachers or accountants or doctors or lawyers or the general public.

But our families generally get a discount.

We get cheaper tickets to Disney parks in the US. Sometimes our bags get checked free or we can board first. Some places, like SeaWorld, even offer completely free admission a few times a year.

We get discounts, big and small, at many retailers and tourist attractions around the country. No other group of people, on the basis of their association with an employer, gets this privilege. Not one other group on this scale.

So when I see a military community member go off on yet another rant about being “denied” a military discount, I just shake my head. It reads as entitled to grouch about that sort of stuff. Can you see that, too?

Instead of putting on our grownup pants and just getting on with our day, discount or not, you’re grumbling about this “denial.” Oh, poor you, not getting another thing for free or cheaper.

Listen, you’re not entitled to get cheaper goods or upgraded services because of who pays you or who you married. Sure, it’s a great perk and one I fully admit to enjoying as just that – a pleasant and unexpected bonus, the cherry on top of a sundae.

I’m not due anything for free or cheaper. And neither are you.

Do you think that the expectation for military discounts has gotten out of control? Sound off in the comments!

General David Berger was confirmed at the new Commandant of the Marine Corps in July and he hasn’t wasted any time laying out his ideas for reshaping the Corps. Top on his list: making major changes to how Marines handle maternity leave.

Berger has called the USMC’s current maternity leave policy “inadequate,” citing it as “failing to keep up with societal norms.”

Currently, Marines are allowed 12 weeks of convalescent leave following the birth of a child for the primary caregiver, typically the mother. They do have the option of splitting their leave into 6 weeks increments, delayed as much as a year, or even transferring a portion of the 12 weeks to their active duty partner.

Retaining Marines Amid Modern Parenthood

Berger has committed to this maternity leave policy proposal, although it remains in the exploratory phase currently.

“We should never ask our Marines to choose between being the best parent possible and the best Marine possible,” Berger explains in a prepared statement. “Our parental / maternity leave policies are inadequate and have failed to keep pace with societal norms and modern talent management practices.”

Berger recognizes that Marines must often choose between their commitment to the Corps and their role as a parent. Ultimately, forcing this choice prevents them from adequately serving in either role.

“These outcomes should never be in competition to the extent that success with one will come at the expense of the other,” he states.

While the current year-long maternity leave remains a proposal under consideration for the time being, it also signals a seachange for the USMC’s policies about parenthood.

“We fully support the growth of our Marine families, and will do everything possible to provide parents with opportunities to remain with their newborns for extended periods of time,” Berger’s statement continues. “In the future, we will consider up to one-year leaves-of-absence for mothers to remain with their children before returning to full duty to complete their service obligations.”

Maternity Leave Changes in the USMC, DoD

The last time the USMC’s maternity leave policy was updated was in 2018, the same time the general DoD parental leave policy was changed.

Birthing mothers receive up to 6 weeks of convalescent leave under the current DoD policy. This can be combined with up to 6 weeks of parental leave for mothers who also serve as the primary caregiver.

Policies supporting flexibility were also added to the USMC’s plan. Mothers can transfer time to their active duty spouse or take maternity leave in chunks, delaying their leave by up to one year following birth.

Currently, leave for primary caregivers of adopted children and secondary caregivers is limited to a maximum of 21 days. Weekends are counted as leave days under this policy.

Previously, there was a brief period in 2016 when Navy and Marine moms-to-be were allotted up to 18 weeks of maternity leave.

Advances in Understanding for Parents

Studies in the last several years have pointed to the need for an extended recovery period for mothers. Dr. Julia Wray, of Suffolk, England, conducted a survey of new mothers at important milestones post-birth. She concluded that it can take up to a full year to recover from childbirth, with some issues lingering for years.

“The research shows that more realistic and woman-friendly postnatal services are needed, Dr. Wray explains. “Women feel that it takes much longer than six weeks to recover and they should be supported beyond the current six to eight weeks after birth.”

US Lags Behind Other Major Nations

That the USMC should propose such a drastic change in maternity leave policy signals a major seachange. Typically, the US offers zero paid weeks of maternity or paternity leave.

Under the Family and Medical Leave Act, employees in certain positions and companies are allowed up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave, with the guarantee of a position upon their return to work. Any paid maternity or paternity leave policies are up to the individual companies or agencies. Additional income support may be individually purchased to help cover maternity convalescent leave.

Currently, the US is the only major developed nation to provide no paid leave following childbirth. It is only one of 8 total nations to do so worldwide, according to NPR. All other nations provide at least some form of paid parental leave. Eighty-two provide less than 14 weeks, while over 100 provide between 14 weeks and more than 52 weeks of paid leave.

While 99 nations worldwide do not provide paid parental leave, 94 countries provide at least some leave. Forty-six countries allow less than 3 weeks of paid parental leave, 5 nations provide up to 13 weeks and 43 governments allocated more than 14 weeks of paid paternal leave.

Still Room for Parental Leave Improvements

While the USMC’s policy proposal is a major shift in thinking, there is still room for improvement.

Adding extra paternity leave is not included in this initial proposal or guidance statement. The inclusion of weekends and federal holidays as part of the current paternity leave policy is also not discussed.

Adoptive and foster parents are not expressly mentioned by Berger. Currently, they are covered under the paternal leave policy providing 6 weeks of leave for the addition of a new child.

What do you think about expanding maternity and/or paternity leave for military troops? Sound off in the comments!